Episode Report Card LuluBates: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT You Gotta Have Faith
By LuluBates | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 02.01.2011
y emotion except for that one time she screamed really loudly) and then asks if people can live without their souls? She's, uh, asking for a friend. The priest explains that it is the soul that makes people human and without it we would be nothing but animals. Hey... what about opposable thumbs? I thought THAT and our ability to accessorize and our high tolerance for reality television was what separated us from the animals? Anna tries to parse the sentence to figure out whether a bunch of soulless animals with mismatched jewelry begging to watch the Kardashians would work for her breeding mission. She's not sure.Meanwhile, down on earth, Tyler has gone to his dark place and is frantically watching Father Jack preach on YouTube. But he's not having a come to Jesus moment, he is working himself up into a tizzy over his coworkers' deaths and is blaming Father Jack. Lisa tries to distract him with some sexy time, but Tyler misinterprets her and decides that he needs to go trash the church. He is sooooo smart. On the bright side, maybe he will go to jail?
While Erica's son is off conducting hate crimes, she is, of course, at work. Latch key kid syndrome! Working mothers are the root of all evil! She tells Jack that she is really impressed with his bravery and willingness to go into the hornet's nest of Eli Cohen's terror cell. He shrugs because isn't that what he is there for? Fighting Visitors and kicking terrorist ass in the name of the Lord and the immortal souls of his followers? Ryan ruins their special alone time by giving Jack a drink that is actually a Liquid LoJack. Jack chugalugs and then he is off to loiter in a vacant lot and try not to look suspicious. Ryan, Erica, and Kyle drop him off and wait to follow. Soon enough Father Jack is picked up in a black SUV (of course, someday there is going to be a terrorist and/or ex-Mossad agent who drives a 1982 Buick Riviera). Jack is hooded and chucked in the back. I guess those guys don't have company very often, because that is NOT how you treat a guest.
At Father Jack's church, Tyler and some random friends head into the church with bats and destroy the place. Lisa yells at him to stop, but he doesn't. They vandalize and break shit and ruin the filing and tag a big 'V' on the wall and generally cause mayhem and property damage as Lisa runs out and Tyler records it all for posterity. Eventually Father Travis turns up his hearing aid and realizes there is a ruckus going on. He finds the boys and reminds them that this is a house of God. He and Tyler tussle, Tyler drops his phone, knocks Travis on his patoot, and they run off. Single moms did this!
Back at the Vatican, No. 2 reports to Anna that the mysterious priest is actually a Visitor sent to earth to research the soul and human emotion by Anna's mother. He has been on earth so long he thinks he's people. Anna tells No. 2 to make sure that the priest is on the first shuttle back to the Mothership. She has a few questions for him. Chad joins them to report the news that the Cardinals are ready to make their decision about whether to have Catholicism as the number one intergalactic religion or whether they want to let their priests talk freely. And the winner is... *drumroll* the Cardinal tells Anna that unfortunately they will not condemn the clergy who feel compelled to speak their minds. Anna is not pleased. So she gives them a lesson in faith by scaring the bejeezus out of them with some balls of blue energy and a threat that she will cause miracles on earth to rival those from the Bible and ruin their whole religion and steal their congregation. Take that! The Cardinals give Jesus about twenty minutes to show up and kick alien ass and when he doesn't they give in to Anna's demands. They have no choice! She made the statue of the Holy Virgin Mary bleed blue blood! That ain't kosher.
At the poorman's CGI version of St. Peter's square, Chad Decker reports that Anna and the Visitors have made an agreement with the Catholic Church condemning all anti-V rhetoric. Anna now hopes to meet with the leaders of other religions and make similar agreements. Chad wraps the report and goes to find the priest that Anna was chatting up. The Cardinal informs him that the priest has volunteered to be the first space missionary, beating Richard Branson to the honor. If only Anna hadn't recognized that ring the guy would be free to worship the Lord and tell ladies not to take the Pill for eternity. Moral of the story? Change your jewelry seasonally. Pretty sure that's in the Bible, actually.
In the woods of upstate New York, Kyle, Ryan, and Erica kick some terrorist ass and break into the cabin where Father Jack is being held. Well, he's not really being held, right? He's just there for a meeting he volunteered for? So when Kyle tosses a flash grenade (I learned it from watching Burn Notice!) and Erica and Ryan rush in guns a-blazin' they are interrupting a friendly chat with some pretty big 'splosions. Eli Cohen holds a gun to Jack's head and points out that they are all on the same side. Yes, he thinks that collaborators a.k.a. Peace Ambassadors and people walking around the Visitors' Visitor Center are fair game, but whatever it takes to make Anna not in the mood for breeding. Erica is intrigued that Eli knows about the breeding plan. How does he know about it? Eli pulls out a pipe, settles into a rocking chair, puts on his slippers and puts his feet up on a hollowed out log 'cause he has a story to tell. Eighteen years ago, his wife had a difficult pregnancy and then had a healthy baby boy who then died (*sob*, obvs). He couldn't accept that there was no explanation, which is normally not very psychologically healthy, but this time he was right. He found out that the doctor was working with the Visitors and that monster did something to his boy. His sob story totally works and Erica lowers her weapon.