Episode Report Card LuluBates: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the War
By LuluBates | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 03.30.2010
ill need an army to do that, but Anna smiles sweetly (which, frankly, is scarier than when she is frowning) and promises to make him an army. Poof! You're an army. Well, it's probably not that simple.Back on earth, Ryan is trying to point out that since Erica is an FBI agent and could raise a really big ruckus if anything happened to Tyler, chances are Tyler is totally safe. Erica doesn't really care about this line of reasoning, despite being, you know, reasonable. He needs her to go to work and stay close to the Case of the Exploding Warehouse. In the "No Duh" Category, he reminds her that it shouldn't be traced back to them. She manages not to doink him in the forehead for stating the annoyingly obvious. He is going to take the R6 to his friendly neighborhood V doctor and see what she has to say about the serum. Oh and maybe he will take some time out of his busy schedule to try and find the missing 1/4 of their team: Father Jack. Who is currently more naked than a priest should ever be outside of the Rectory shower. He is laid out flat on a table at the V healing center where they heal him with unicorn tears, which pretty much contradicts with his faith, but hey! it's hard to argue about having no hole in your stomach even if it is a pagan love ritual. But any joy over not being aerated is short lived because the V doctors are loading up a nice big shot of R6 for him.
Ryan tracks down a friendly V who is living as a nice Jewish doctor. Dr. Perlman is surprised to see him and then even more surprised when he tells her that his boys are swimmers and he knocked up his non-reptilian girlfriend. They were both under the impression that Vs could not procreate with humans. Ryan is concerned about whether or not Val can withstand the rigors of a hybrid pregnancy what with her oft-mentioned heart condition. And not to get too nit picky, but as reptiles, albeit alien reptiles, wouldn't they be laying eggs instead of inseminating nice girls? The doctor doesn't speculate beyond saying that "nature finds a way" and then cautioning Ryan, because if Anna ever found out about this little anomaly (which, if you spelled it anomalie, could almost be a cute baby name) she would ...her thought sort of trailed off, so I am going to assume she meant to finish with the thought that Anna would throw that baby the biggest most garish Barney the dinosaur -themed baby shower ever, so she must never EVER find out. Ryan takes her point seriously.
On the mothership, Anna is talking to her chief medical officer who, you may remember, is actually an active member of the resistance. Anna wants him to examine the men being sent over from the 29 ships. She also wants a report on the R6 and he explains that they have plenty in the healing centers, but the obstinate humans aren't falling for the free health care thing. See? The new healthcare reform bill not only gives health insurance to millions of uninsured Americans, but also PROTECTS US FROM BEING EATEN BY THE V, which is a nice side effect. Anna is not happy. She swears she will make the humans trust the Visitors. She will make Chad Decker explain to the stupid humans that they must trust the Vs. Because newscasters are practically demigods. I mean Katie Couric is my muse and all my stock tips come from Diane Sawyer. Speaking of Chad, he is down on Earth talking to his trusted medical professional. The Vs told Chad that he was going to develop an inoperable brain aneurysm in the future. The earthling doctor tells Chad that he can find no trace of it and once there was a trace of it he couldn't fix it anyway. Chad can either go V or go home.
Georgie finally goes to the parish to ask about Father Jack. After getting the googly eye from the senior priest, he finally finds out that Jack was skewered like a pineapple-ham kabob. At FBI HQ, Erica is unhappy to hear that the Visitors are taking over her investigation into the exploding warehouse. Partially because she blew it up and partially because they kidnapped her son. She pretty much wants to serve them a hate sandwich. No. 2 walks in and smiles lecherously at her and apologizes that he showed her a hologram of her son instead of her actual son. Awkward! She glares at him, but not harshly enough that he gets suspicious or that any of her coworkers bother to ask what the hell they are talking about. He then changes the subject to the warehouse explosion. The Vs have some serious forensic equipment, but they don't have David Caruso's Sunglasses of Justice, so we still win.
No. 2 shows how they can get fingerprints off of a picture of the explosive that was used for the blast. Erica is looking pretty uncomfortable, because SHE BLEW UP THE WAREHOUSE. No. 2 electronically pulls the print and the FBI starts running it through their files. Erica is visibly weighing her options and leaning towards making a run for the border and by that I mean Taco Bell. All this stress is making her hungry! And the tension is over: They have a match. And, it's not Erica. Erica, for one, is very relieved by this, but also, confused. The prints match a mercenary-for-hire named Kyle Hobbes, although it is really hard to imagine a mercenary named "Kyle". I mean, really? Kyle? Oooh-kay. Erica stands there looking confused while her boss puts out an APB on Kyle.
In the middle of the investigation, Erica steals the file on Kyle and takes it to Ryan. She thinks they should recruit Kyle and blackmail him to work on their side. She thinks that the Vs didn't choose Kyle at random, but deliberately fingered him for the crime because he could organize a resistance, you know, if he wanted to. So Erica thinks they should get him first and she has an idea as to how to find him: Alien Dale's files. Ryan isn't totally onboard with the plan. He thinks hanging out with a mercenary named Kyle could be bad for his rep, but Erica is willing to risk it. She wants to get her annoying sass-talking son back and she'll work with a mercenary named Kyle or even, if she had to, one named Travis. On board the ship, No. 2 reports to Anna that the FBI fell for their helpful hint.
Chad Decker, the most influential newsman in the world, meets Anna for some ominous and innuendo-filled sushi. She is eating fubu, sadly not the athletic wear, but the puffer fish with the killer liver. Chad is not overwhelmingly impressed because he's totally dated hot alien chicks before. Well, it was a cocktail waitress at the Martian-themed restaurant in Times Square, but totally the same thing. Anna wants to know why he hasn't gone for any V treatments for his eventual aneurysm. Well, that's an awkward topic for a first date. She also wants to talk about why he hasn't run his very complimentary piece on the V healing centers. He pretends to be a professional journalist with all those ethics and things, but the second Anna makes some veiled mention of living in fear everyday from a potential aneurysm, you can see his journalistic resolve crumble like an Entenmann's coffeecake. Speaking of V health centers, Father Jack is having a bad trip in reaction to the R6. Georgie wakes him up from the dream and takes him out of there.
Over at the FBI, Erica types Kyle's name into a computer and pulls up his address. Hmm. That wasn't very hard. Didn't any of the other 30 agents working on the case consider looking it up? Erica's boss asks her if she has any information and she swears he will be the first to know. Just look it up online, dude! She heads over to Kyle's house, buzzes the door and walks in to the apartment. He has a lot of computer equipment. Also, a really big gun pointed at her head. Luckily, Erica brought Ryan as surprise back up. She introduces herself to Kyle as his only hope for survival. Egotistical much? Anyway, Kyle appears to spend every waking second not building bombs or running guns doing sit ups and he has a vaguely Irish accent because you know the IRA had nothing better to do then train mercenaries for casting purposes on television series (see also, Fiona on Burn Notice). In fact, I am pretty sure the IRA is a lot like that reality television training school. Kyl