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Lest you forget, Anna is all about Bliss. Unfortunately, the Fifth Column is immune to her Bliss and have been suicide bombing the ships. When Anna realizes that the Fifth Column members are starting to feel that disgusting human emotion of empathy, she devises a plan to sniff out the rebels. Basically she shows them Schindler's List and Where the Red Fern Grows and sees who cries. Dancer in the Dark worked, too, but she hated the music. (Vs have terrible taste in music.)
Kyle, the mercenary with the tweeny name, wants to issue a call to arms to the Fifth Column. And the call can only be issued from the mother ship and, of course, Ryan is the only one who can get on board. He is not totally opposed to the mission, though, because he has some extra impetus to get on the ship: Val's pregnancy is problematic and she needs V prenatal vitamins if she is going to survive. So with the help of Kyle's underworld contacts, Ryan whips up some fake V credentials to sneak back on board the ship. Luckily tracksuits are still in style, although basic human kindness is way out and caring gets Ryan noticed. He winds up watching Old Yeller with nary a tissue in sight. Luckily the people running the test are on his side. The Chief Medical Officer, Joshua, and his sidekick, Samuel, introduce themselves to Ryan and offer up their help. They also know what the phosphorus means and warn Ryan that a pregnant woman is nothing to trifle with. Um, yeah. that is a universal phenomenon.
Meanwhile, Kyle is digging up all the dirt he can on his new blackmaily coworkers and Father Jack approaches Chad Decker with the hope that he will help dig up dirt on the Vs. And the funny thing is, he might actually do it. Invisible aneurysm be damned! Anna's scary.
Erica decides that the only way to get Tyler away from the Vs is to take him to his dad. His father is willing to keep him, but he wants to tell Tyler the truth about who he really is. No, we don't know what that means. Erica is comforted by the knowledge that Tyler is safe. She doesn't know that Lisa GPS'd Tyler, shows up on his dad's doorstep and asks to meet the parents.
Georgie goes to visit Val in the hopes of getting news about Ryan and he gets news alright. When he sees Val's copy of Not What You Were Expecting lying around, he realizes she is pregnant. Georgie decides to go up to the ship to try and help Ryan who has been MIA for several hours. He arrives in time to see Ryan making his way off. But Ryan has stripped off his V uniform, which has caught the attention of the guard. So Georgie ices the guard and gets taken into custody, while sending Ryan off to live with his wife and tadpole. The silver lining is that the Visitors can blame Georgie for all the shenanigans on the ship that day. And shenanigans there were. You see, the Vs have introduced a live aboard program, which is basically a sleep away camp for the randomly chosen special few (kind of like The Real Housewives of New York.) As Anna is announcing the program, Joshua manages to hack the message and sends out the Fifth Column's call to arms: "John May Lives."
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Anna is doling out the new age Bliss to her junkie employees, but the straight edgers have joined forces with the AA folks and joined the Fifth Column and REALLY hate the rampant drug use aboard the ships. So one Fifth Column member, who is probably just pissed because Anna can pleasure his girlfriend more than he ever could, turns all Unabomber and takes out the holodeck on the Sydney, Australia mothership. Needless to say that Anna is not full of bliss (or Successory slogans) when she gets the news or hears her No. 2's POV that the Fifth Column is getting more uppity by the day. Like, she knows, okay! And don't bring her problems without solutions. She is not happy that the Fifth Column is immune to her Bliss. They are starting to feel empathy and other human emotions (like the sads, I presume) and if they banded together they could be a real threat (to Zoloft and Kleenex supplies across the universe). She tells No. 2 to fetch Joshua, the Chief Medical Officer, because she has a plan.
Chad Decker is on the old teevee talking about an upcoming press conference at the Visitors' visitor center. Tyler hears the news that there might be news and grabs his Peace Ambassador jacket anxiously. He is fully planning on skipping school just in case something interesting happens, but Erica is drinking coffee out of her Best Mom Ever mug and Tyler can't argue when she reminds him that he has school. She glances nervously at the iSight camera built into his PA jacket, smiles and says she loves him and that he can go to the PA center after school. We don't know much about how the general earthling population is embracing the Vs, but I still bet the PAs are about as popular as the AV Club. Meanwhile, No. 2 is hosting a press conference and amid the gaggle are Georgie and Father Jack totally not blending in. I mean, why exactly would a priest be at a press conference? Maybe he's reporting for the church's newsletter. No. 2 announces a new Visitor program that will allow humans to live aboard their mothership and truly experience the V lifestyle. The lucky (??) humans will be chosen at random from cities across the globe and invited onto the ships. No. 2 does not mention whether these humans will simply be taken a la every alien abduction movie ever or whether they can, like, choose to go. Georgie and Father Jack shift uncomfortably as they try to figure out what exactly the Vs might be up to with this live aboard program. Georgie points out Chad Decker in the crowd and suggests that they ask the alien mouthpiece (which would be an AWESOME band name, send royalty checks now please) if he has any idea what is going down. Quick aside: If Jack and George (when I write their names like that I feel like I'm quoting a Jasper Fforde nursery crime novel) are so determined to stay off of the V's radar, WHY ARE THEY AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE? Just watch that shit in the rectory, under only the eyes of your giant crucified Jesus statue. Sheesh.
Later at the church, Erica tells Ryan that if she can't keep Tyler away from the creepy crawlies, she is going to tell him the truth. Ryan points out the rather OBVIOUS POINT that if she tells Tyler and 1. He tells his alien girlfriend or 2. He stops going to the ship entirely, it will be bad for the Fab Four. The Vs are watching Tyler and Erica just needs to be patient while they work on a plan. Patience is not one of Erica's many presumably subtle virtues. Her biggest virtue so far is icing an alien with a Crate and Barrel picture frame a.k.a. Being Hard Core. As for any others, I'm still not quite sure. Speaking of lacking in virtue, Erica and Ryan meet Georgie and Father Jack in the church office. They are greeted with a surly off-Irish accent by the woefully-named mercenary, Kyle, who has apparently been waiting all day for someone to come hear the speech he has been working on about the uselessness of the Fab Four. Dude, WE KNOW. But they did blow up a warehouse, which you got blamed for, so that is something. Kyle thinks that without an army they are as good as dead. Georgie assures him that they have an army called the Fifth Column, but then Ryan quickly un-assures (or whatever the opposite of assures is) him that the Fifth Column is spread out all over the globe and can't be easily organized or mobilized. So Kyle has a plan: Ryan has to break onto the V ship, hijack the signal while Anna is making her announcement about the live aboard program, and get a message to the Fifth Column. Ryan blinks slowly in Morse code: "No Fucking Way," but Kyle is pretty convinced that is the only plan. And it's not like anyone has EVER offered up a better plan to activate the Fifth Column.
Ryan has brought Val to a new special ob/gyn who looks suspiciously like Ryan's V pal. The doctor examines the ultrasound before assuring Val that her baby is just fine. The doctor then pulls Ryan into the hallway and yells at him for failing to tell Val the truth. Ryan explains that he loves Val and doesn't want to lose her by telling her the truth (Dr. Phil would so have WORDS about that statement) and everything he has worked for/fought for/exploded for has been for her. He just can't tell her that she is going to give birth to a crocodile. I guess she should feel lucky that she's not laying an egg. Also, Ryan is not 100% convinced that this pregnancy is a good idea. OH REALLY? Are you worried that your girlfriend will eventually notice that her baby has nictitating eyelids (thank you, Google) or will get suspicious when the pediatrician diagnoses mouth rot? The doctor encourages Ryan to decide quickly, because Val is being sapped of her phosphorus by the unborn and without a special concentration of it, she will probably die. Thenshe shows Ryan the real ultrasound of his baby and he stares at it and then quickly uploads it to his Facebook page. That's right, he and the baby are Facebook official. He will do whatever is necessary to keep it alive. He'll even go on the mothership and get the phosphorus pills, which is good, because that is the only place the doctor knows to get the pills.
Erica is actually working at her actual office when one of her co-workers reports that he may have a lead on the exact whereabouts of the awfully sexy, feared, respected and accomplished mercenary, Kyle Hobbes. Of course it is Kyle talking about himself. He has acquired FBI credentials and walked right on into their headquarters. Erica smiles, impressed. She pulls him into a private room. Kyle has a new plan: He is going to go onboard the mothership and embed the message to the Fifth Column. There is a tactical advantage to getting the message sent out today and since Ryan won't, he will. Erica looks skeptical, but then Kyle points out that he got into the FBI headquarters, now didn't he? Erica may be developing a small crush. I mean, she can't defrock a priest, now can she? Oh please, you know that priest's collar will be lying on the floor of Erica's Crown Royal by the end of the season.
Ryan meets Erica, Kyle, and Georgie at a dock, because why the heck not. Abandoned docks with nary a soul around are really easy to find in New York City. Kyle explains his plan and Erica admits that she has come around to his point of view because they don't know when Anna will broadcast another message. Ryan points out all the flaws in that plan: Kyle is human; Kyle is America's Most Wanted and John Walsh and nosy polyester-clad housewives are looking for him; Kyle won't know how to operate the fancy computers (actually Ryan didn't say that, but I'm right, right?); Kyle will get caught and set back the rebel alliance. Ryan is going to make the trip himself. He's the only one with the skills and knowledge to do it. Ryan does not mention the need to smuggle some cheap meds over the V border for his fiancée.
On board the ship, Anna has been hooked up to a machine and is being forced to watch gruesome displays of human violence, war, genocide, crying babies, puppy kicking, and scenes from White Chicks. She has no visible reaction to the awful. Joshua reports that the average human would be greatly troubled by the footage of Shawn Wayans and there would have been a strong physiological reaction (read: barf. In mouth). Anna tells him to use her results as a baseline and then measure the reaction of every single person on the ship. If anyone shows any sign of wretching at the sight of Marlon Wayans in a blonde wig they are clearly a member of the Fifth Column. Clearly. And not at all merely a life form with eyeballs and a gag reflex.
Back on the dock, Ryan reminds everyone that it is a dangerous mission and if anyone fucks up, he dies. He lays out the game plan: Erica will go to work and get him the name of a Visitor with the same rank and serial number as him. She finds one, and while he is black, he is SO much less attractive (sorry unnamed actor and his mother) than Morris Chestnut that hopefully the Vs are blind or something because that would never work otherwise. Kyle and his "contacts" (presumably others in the Poorly-Named Terrorist Support Group like Blakeney, Ashton, and Jaden) are going to get him top notch V credentials with matching fingerprints. Georgie doesn't have to do shit and Father Jack isn't there to offer up the Blessing of the Infidel or anything. Since Ryan is a V and will be acting like a V and has the credentials of a V, he should be able to do what he needs to do and go where he needs to go. If they don't hear from him by 4 o'clock, they should presume the worst (meaning: he is starring in White Chicks 2). The team takes a Gatorade break and Georgie runs after Ryan. If things go badly, Ryan wants him to go to Val and tell her the truth. Georgie clucks quietly as Ryan heads off. Erica gives Georgie a ride home and he asks, "Why so glum, chum?" because in my head Georgie says things like that. Erica sighs that she is sure that Tyler is going to be invited to live aboard a V ship and she knows he will accept and she doesn't know what to do about it. Georgie laughs because seriously? She's going to complain to the guy whose entire family was slaughtered by the Visitors that her son might go to sleepaway camp on the V cruise line? Georgie claims that he is a nicer person than I am and that he doesn't want what happened to him to happen to Erica. But, does she have a plan to prevent Tyler from going? Funny you should ask, Georgie, because yes she does.
Kyle has popped out in the open to swap information for money with an unnamed woman in a trench coat. The two stare in opposite directions during their conversation, which, while allowing them to keep a look out, also makes them look all kinds of suspicious. Like, who innocently holds a conversation like that except for geckos? And I bet even they accidentally make eye contact every once and a while. Anyway, Kyle has purchased some intel on his co-workers: Georgie claimed his family was murdered by aliens; the priest served two tours in the war and testified against his superior officers for breaking the rules of engagement; Erica's partner is missing and was presumed to be working with terrorists and has some serious personal baggage; and Ryan is a stock broker with a knocked up girlfriend. Kyle is grateful (or as grateful as an information-buying mercenary named Kyle can be) for the information. When the woman asks if they have something on him, he claims that they won't for long.
Erica has decided that the only person who can keep Tyler from going V-rrific is his Dad. So despite the bitter divorce, Erica has sucked it up and taken Tyler to see him. The weird thing is Tyler looks really surprised to see him, like Erica didn't tell him where they were going. Like any teenage boy would get in the car with his mom for what appears to have been over an hour and not annoyed her into telling him where they were going. Maybe he was too busy listening to Nickleback and sexting his alien girlfriend. Tyler's dad sends him out back to look at some bike or something so he and Erica can talk. She has some 'splainin to do.
Ryan's shuttle has landed on the mothership with only a slight delay due to a guy trying to sneak 4 oz of conditioner through TSA screening and people stowing their carry-on bags with the wheels facing in instead of out. Now he just has to get through customs. He doesn't look super happy to be back onboard the ship, so don't expect him to send any postcards or pick up any souvenirs. At first Ryan's visa doesn't clear, but then it does. Drama! Except, not. But, not knowing about Anna's newfound interest in empathy, when a baby cries, soon-to-be-papa Ryan turns to look at it, and he catches the eye of a V in Black spy. Speaking of empathy, Anna's testing of all ship denizens has been rolling along. Unfortunately, a lot of Vs have been failing the test. No. 2 finds it troubling that one of his most trusted advisors failed and Joshua moves to re-test him, because he has found a roughly 2% margin of error. But Anna stops him. There is no reason to re-test even if there is a supposed margin of error. She will personally deal with everyone who fails. Even No. 2 finds this decision hard to swallow.
Back on Earth, Tyler and his Dad talk mano a mano over a grill (as all father-son talks should involve some form of barbecue sauce) about the Visitors, motorcycles, the Peace Ambassadors, and the divorce and its aftermath. Tyler apologizes for the divorce, because obviously it was all his fault. If he hadn't gotten in a motorcycle accident (that we don't know about) they definitely would still be a happy family eating take out Chinese, cuddling, and playing touch football on the weekends or whatever it is that happy families do. The Dad (I don't remember hearing his name; alternatively, I don't care) swears it was not Tyler's fault and gives him a half hug on the head thing that passes for affection between mens. So wait...are all of Tyler's annoying adolescent traits just...daddy issues? Gah. I think I would prefer he was just kind of a dick.
With a loud crashing gong sound, we see the V ship and Ryan aboard it. Like, thank god they don't play that every time the ship is shown. Ryan walks in slow motion through the ship looking for what he needs. The V in Black follows him. Ryan looks around and enters a room where he whips up some of Val's phosphorus pills. The V in Black demands to know what he is doing with the pills and Ryan coolly explains that his supervisor sent him for them. The V in Black tells him to follow him. Wait, no: It's a trap! The V in Black explains to Ryan that members of the rebel alliance are falling prey to human emotions and are immune to her Bliss (dammit, I always think of Starbucks' Bliss Bar) and so every V is being tested for their reactions to, like, I Sleep with Danger and Old Yeller. Ryan has no choice but to comply. Even when the V in Black explains that failure = death.
Chad Decker is wrapping up his report on the upcoming V slumber party and signing a few autographs, when Father Jack approaches him. As he is a priest, Chad can't turn him away. I think dissing a priest is a venial sin, not a mortal one, right? Anyway Father Jack opines that due to all of Chad's intrepid Journalism (yes, that is a capital "J"), people are losing their fear of the Vs and their healing centers. Chad wonders if he's getting Punk'd by the Pulitzer committee, because, what is there to be afraid of from the Vs? He snarkily asks, "Miracles?" Father Jack mutters an ancient Aramaic balding curse he picked up in the seminary and then asks Chad to please be sure that the healing centers are safe before he convinces everyone that they are. You know, to be a Journalist with a capital J. Chad looks stunned at the scandalous suggestion.
Erica is starting to get worried about Ryan because he hasn't checked in yet. She's pretty sure a nagging message will convince him to call. When she hangs up, Tyler's Dad finds her. He wants to know what is really going on. Erica puts on her Botoxed Best and manages not to make a single facial expression while explaining that her work has been especially hectic lately and he has to take Tyler. She needs him to do that. He looks at her suspiciously, but she holds her ground and he happily agrees to take custody of Tyler. He then tells her about his man to man with Tyler and how Tyler blames himself for the divorce. Erica doesn't wince or even react to the news, but the mere thought of a troubled Ty is really hard for dear old Dad to handle and he is emoting all over the place. (Hey, Erica, that's how a caring parent is supposed to act! Well, maybe a tetch less than that.) He doesn't want Tyler carrying that weight around. He wants to tell Tyler the truth about who he is. Erica just cocks her head to the side and stares at him in a wide eyed expression of bovine blitheness. Good grief, Erica, ACTING!! Look into it sometime. Or maybe just lighten up on the Botox so your forehead can move and your eyebrows can express concern. YOUR KID THINKS YOU HATE HIM! Get the sads or something!
Ryan is still M.I.A. (sadly, not as in the Vs have turned him into a bad ass short Sri Lankan singer married to a Bronfman scion, because THAT would really shake up this show, probably for the better) and Georgie is starting to get nervous. Since Ryan gave his address (and apparently not his phone number), Georgie decides to do a very un-New York City thing and stop by Ryan and Val's apartment. Val then does an even more un-New York City thing and LET'S A STRANGE MAN INTO HER APARTMENT. He's an old friend of Ryan's -- pinky swear! Yes, writers, it is extremely likely that a pregnant woman alone would let a man who looks like Georgie into her apartment. Anyway. Val pretends that she is always delighted when one of Ryan's old friends just stops by. Georgie wants to know if Val has heard from Ryan, but, no, she hasn't. He did say he would be working all day and she is a good and well-trained fiancée who wouldn't dream of bothering him with a call or a text or anything. Val suddenly realizes that her house is so messy it looks like it has practically been ransacked. Or, at least, the books on the coffee table are out of alignment. She goes to organize them before Martha Stewart drops by and Georgie goes to help, but stops short when he sees a pregnancy book. He stares at the book and asks Val if she is pregnant. She smiles and admits, yes, but that they aren't really telling people yet. Georgi
e is stunned into silence and Val asks if he has kids. Yes, two dead ones, thanks for the reminder, lady! The look on Georgie's face is of a man thinking something through. He appears to make a decision and then quickly excuses himself leaving Val alone to let the stranger into her apartment.
Father Jack is hard at work re-stocking hymnals or whatever it is priests do in the empty main hall of worship. (I would know what this was called if I could remember a lick of art history, but, my brother is an actual art historian, so I promptly forgot every single thing I learned in my college courses and just call him when I need to know something because THAT makes a lot more sense. It's like people who ask Twitter a question instead of looking it up on Google like decent folk. Jack's OCD straightening of the hymnals (OCD is a gift from God, too, so don't mock) is interrupted by the arrival of one Chad Decker. He wants to know what Father Jack wants from him. Jack doesn't seem particularly surprised to see him. He probably spent all day praying for it and since he is a priest, his prayers get priority delivery. So, there's Chad all wrapped up in a USPS flat rate mailer right on Father Jack's apse (?) (nave?). Chad wants answers from Father Jack, but Jack doesn't have any answers that Chad wants. He thinks Chad needs to look for answers on the mother ships, not in the church. Um...isn't that almost heresy? I am really struggling not to add some mentions of priests, defrocking and child abuse scandals. I hope you all appreciate my efforts. Send indulgences this-a-way! Chad can't believe what the priest just said to him. Is he really supposed to go behind Anna's back and try and find dirt on the Vs just because a priest has a hunch that they are up to no good? Father Jack points out that Chad must suspect that the Vs are up to something sinister, too, or else he wouldn't be there talking to him. If Father Jack really wanted to find dirt on the Vs, he should have approached for Harvey Levin or those guys at the Smoking Gun, not the V world's Katie Couric. But, Chad has Anna's ear, or at least her attention, and he may actually be willing to go along with the priest on this mission from god. And now I have a vision of Father Jack and Chad dressed up as The Blues Brothers. Anyone up for a re-boot?
Erica is still overseeing Tyler's transition from her custody to his father's, when her phone rings. This gives some credence to her claims of being overworked and Tyler's dad looks sort of smug about it as she wanders off to listen to Georgie's call in private. Georgie is nervous about Ryan and, now that he mentions it, so is Erica. He wants to go up to the ship and look for Ryan, but Erica tells him to sit tight and wait for her. Georgie is noncommittal as he hangs up, BECAUSE HE IS ALREADY ON THE SHUTTLE. Georgie, Georgie, it's noble to try, but what exactly do you think you can do to help Ryan if the Visitors have him? Erica announces that she has to go and Tyler sheepishly asks if he can stay with his dad. Erica feigns ignorance of the arrangement and says that he can stay if he wants to. She hugs him and heads back to the city. Was that a near tear as she walked off? Was that a risked wrinkle? Does she actually care?
Meanwhile, up on the ship, Ryan is failing his test and crying his eyes out over Beaches because that shit is touching and only a cold blooded snake would not see how much Bette Midler loves Barbara Hershey. Joshua announces that Ryan failed the test and Ryan gets a frantic look in his eyes. Joshua intones: you aren't from the ship, you reacted to a crying baby when you boarded, you were seen taking phosphorus and you failed the test, you are Fifth Column. Ryan looks more and more panicked. And then Joshua sticks out his hand and introduces himself. Ryan is more than a little surprised. Joshua introduces the V in Black as Samuel, another member of the Fifth Column. Gah, that just sounds like a 90s boy band. Ryan has barely regained his composure, but manages to ask how many other rebels are on the ships. Joshua quickly gives him the rundown: there are not many rebels onboard and there will be fewer soon due to Anna's testing; Anna is birthing soldiers; and Ryan needs to leave the ship ASAP and what the hell is he doing there anyway? Ryan nods and reports that the Fifth Column on Earth is large, but disorganized and he is there to embed a message in Anna's announcement. A call to arms, to be precise. Joshua offers to embed the message for him, because, really, Ryan needs to get off the ship now-ish. They agree to become pen pals via some untraceable out-dated tech that John May used to use and then Ryan turns to leave. Before he can go, though, Joshua asks about the phosphorus. Ryan doesn't admit the tadpole is his, but Joshua warns him that once he gives the human woman the phosphorus, there is no going back. Ryan nods solemnly and turns to go. I thought Vs and humans weren't supposed to be able to reproduce, so how does everyone on the ship know that phosphorus is what you give knocked up human women?
Anna finds Lisa watching Tyler TV. Lisa claims that whatever nefarious scheme she and her mother have planned for Tyler is working out well. Anna, with a mother's firm disapproval, points out that since Tyler is not actually ON the ship then Lisa's plan isn't progressing as well as it should be. Lisa looks pouty at her mother's tone, but it's true, Tyler is not onboard. Anna tells Lisa to get Tyler there.
Erica has reached the church and is unpleasantly surprised that Georgie hasn't checked in with Father Jack. Kyle explains it all: Georgie is up on the UFO with some sort of weapon that could make it through V security. Both Erica and Father Jack are stunned that Kyle (the mercenary) would send Georgie to outer space on his own. Kyle and I would like to point out that 1. He's a mercenary, 2. He is only their friend because they are blackmailing him, 3. He couldn't really care less about what happened to George and 4. His sending Georgie up after Ryan is a harshly realistic choice. Georgie's kind of expendable, but Ryan is the key to the entire rebellion. Without Ryan their cause is lost. Erica punches him in the face and Father Jack takes the name of the lord in vain (in god's house! And still no smiting!) for sending Georgie to his death up there. Um, guys? Georgie is a grown up and KYLE DOESN'T LIKE ANY OF YOU.
Georgie has landed on the mothership and is waiting for security clearance while Ryan has finished his mission, (stupidly) stripped off his V jacket and is headed for a shuttle back to Earth. This is totally going to end like Sleepless in Seattle where Meg Ryan is dragged off and skinned alive. On the ground, the mothership is playing Anna's message announcing their live aboard program. People from across the globe, from all walks of life, will be invited to live with the Visitors and see their way of life (probably not the man eating mating rituals). Meanwhile, Joshua is hacking into the V computer system trying to embed the call to arms to the Fifth Column. He is typing feverishly and finally succeeds. The mothership flashes: John May Lives, confusing most earthlings, but really exciting Kyle, Erica, Father Jack and even Joshua, who actually cracks a smile at his success. Since he is on board the ship, Georgie does not know of the mission's success, but he is pleased to see Ryan attempting to blend in with a crowd of humans heading for a shuttle. Ryan does not exactly hide in the background and the V security officer notices him. As Ryan boards the shuttle, the security guard runs after him and Georgie springs into action. He knifes the guard as the shuttle door closes. He has enough time to tell Ryan to go be with his wife and child and yell, "Long Live the Fifth Column!" before the Vs take him down. Oh Georgie! Ryan looks horrified, but also kind of touched as his shuttle heads back to earth.
No. 2 announces to Anna that the Fifth Column used a human to embed a message in her live aboard announcement. She looks shocked that they were able to get on board, but is not bothered by the news. In fact, she thinks everything is going as planned. No. 2 is surprised by this new positive outlook. Has Anna been watching Oprah again? Anna thinks the embedded message will give the Fifth Column on the ground the confidence to come out and organize. While the Visitors are winning the hearts and minds of the humans via the live aboard program, they will be crushing the Fifth Column, too. See? Now THAT is her Best Life.
Ryan finds Val painting the nursery yellow. She smiles when she sees him and tells him that his friend Georgie stopped by to say hi. Ryan cringes when she says that, but Val doesn't notice, because she is pregnant and can only think about her. This is her Me Time. For the nine months or whenever it is that the baby will tear out of her stomach. Ryan smiles that he has to go back to work, but wants to make her a cup of tea first. She smiles gratefully and goes back to painting. In the kitchen, Ryan dumps half a bottle of phosphorus into a quarter cup of tea, doesn't stir, and then carries it to Val. Maybe phosphorus tastes like peppermint and honey?
Anna has gathered everyone who has failed her empathy test. She gives them each a suicide pill; those who are loyal will take the pill and die at her request, the others are obviously members of the Fifth Column. All but three take the pills and Anna introduces Joshua to his margin of error. Now he can skin them. Joshua nods glumly while No. 2 protests that this test will cost countless lives among the fleet. Anna shrugs leaving Joshua and No. 2 to glance nervously at each other.
Ryan is steaming mad when he barrels into the church. He can't believe they let Georgie go up there. He is particularly mad at Kyle, probably because you can't really yell at a priest (or at least not a priest who is a stand up guy; you can yell at evil kiddy diddlers) and Erica usually has a gun. So all things considered, yeah...yell at the new guy. Why does everyone act as if Georgie had no say in his own destiny? I mean, it was probably a bad choice, but what did Ryan think they would do if he didn't make his 4 o'clock deadline? Cry and try to find a new rebel V to join their ranks? And is Georgie really as inept as everyone seems to believe? Is he truly mentally incapable of making an adult decision?
I mean, yes, he SEEMS like a schmo with no skills, but he organized all of you, so give him SOME credit. Erica tries to cool Ryan down and reminds him that Georgie is up on that ship and if Ryan is right and Georgie is still alive, they have to rescue him some how.
After the yelling has subsided, Erica goes to take a quiet moment with Father Jack. I wonder if priests are like doctors in that wherever doctors go people ask them to look at rashes and abscesses and listen to someone rattle off a list of symptoms over prawn cocktail at dinner parties. My guess is that whenever someone is hanging around a priest and they have a moment alone and, even if they are not Catholic, they feel the need to make a confession. So Father Jack listens patiently while Erica doubts her decision to leave Tyler with his father. What type of mother does that? Oh Erica, really? You've always acted as a fairly uninvolved and disinterested parent who substitutes snooping and yelling for consistent daily parental interactions with your son. Now that you've done something ACTUALLY good for your son, NOW you doubt your maternal skills? Father Jack assures her that she did what was best for Tyler under the circumstances. Erica sighs that at least Tyler is safe, but she doesn't knock on wood or throw salt over her shoulder or dance a jig on one foot with a hat on backwards, so it should not come as a surprise at all that in the scene Alien Lisa shows up on Tyler's Dad's doorstep. Tyler is surprised to see her, but when she smiles and says she missed him, he just opens the door and lets her in.
Ryan and Val are sleeping soundly in their bed. You know who is not asleep? The little tadpole. His or her creepy silhouette presses itself against Val's stomach. It has a prehensile tail, which will be adorable wrapped around daddy's finger in the birth announcement.
Up on the ship, Georgie is indeed alive. But considering the number of torture instruments splayed out before him and the cold-blooded Vs eyeing their options, he probably wishes he wasn't.
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