Episode Report Card LuluBates: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT V is for Visa
By LuluBates | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.17.2009
th perfect posture right inside the gate surveying the protests or trying to pick whose pancreas she will eat first. As moronic Tyler pulls away from the front of the Visitors' Visitor Center, his mom is pulling up. I really was hoping she would bust him and yell, "We'll talk later, young man." And then he could roll his eyes and then she would find him in his room and he would blame her for the divorce some more and then she would do nothing but sit there in stunned silence while he slammed the door on his way out to go tongue a V girl. That would have been awesome. Maybe next time. Erica gets the lowdown on the situation from her boss who is already there, but was just waiting for her to show up so he could delegate. He is a boss after all. Good for a Successory poster, but not for getting any work done. She is told that the guy has been made several threatening calls about the Vs, but this time he sounds serious. The profiler thinks he is mid- to late-twenties, white, male, maybe ex-military. They walk inside the compound where they are greeted by a team of V security guards. Each FBI agent is going to be paired with a member of the V squad, just to create some dramatic inter-species tension. Erica resists, but her boss insists on it. She pretends to smile at the guard she is assigned to work with, but he sees right through it and says that he understands her species is naturally mistrustful. Wait, did lizard lips just diss the entire human race? I know you're cold-blooded, but that's cold. Erica looks like a little like she is going to barf and a little like she is going to introduce him to the real American eagle (you know, the one on your hand that flies high every time someone cuts you off while you are driving). She takes a deep breath and asks to see their surveillance center. He explains that is in the restricted zone, and she smiles, because she knows. Obviously he has no choice but to take her into the restricted zone because they have to keep up appearances of being open and honest, always. The V surveillance center kind of looks like the room in War Games where Matthew Broderick almost sets off global thermo-nuclear war. Like it is from the 80s and up to no good. Although I guess that description would also apply to Scott Baio. Erica is like advanced technological wha? And her ersatz partner explains that the government gave them the building when they landed and they haven't had a chance to make upgrades. So that explains that, but at least I got my War Games reference in. Erica surveys the surveillance and makes a few pointers about what they are looking for and how to get rid of blind spots in their cameras' coverage of the perimeter. She notices a Visitor entering a mysterious room across the hallway and manages to see the secret access code. Secret access codes? So much for alien technology. I bet they have combination locks on their gym lockers, too. Her partner informs her that in the unlikely event of injuries, they want to make sure that their team is seen by their doctors. Erica manages not to smirk, but almost coolly smiles that she understands. I swear Elizabeth Mitchell was not this awkward of an actress when she was on Lost. She is clunking through her scenes lately.Back at Erica's house, Father Jack is still burrowing through the stacks of stolen FBI files. He crosses off another name on the list and moves on to George Sutton. The notes on the intake sheet indicate that George knows what he is talking about: planning on annihilating us, cloning human skin, infiltrating all levels of society, etc. Father Jack jumps up and starts looking for more information about this George. He finds the file and recognizes George as the organizer of the meeting. He calls Erica, but it goes straight to voicemail.
George Sutton is busy, anyway, and couldn't receive visitors (or Visitors) anyway. He is still meeting with Ryan trying to find out what he, a mere human, can do to help fuel the fabled Fifth Column resistance. Ryan is going to meet Cyrus, the guy who broke into his house and left the tell-tale upside down picture and his business card and actually managed to make Val MORE suspicious than her normal state of just kinda suspicious. Cyrus was his right hand man back in the glory days of the Fifth Column. He fought harder than any other rebel and knew more about the Fifth Column than anyone. He wants Georgie to come with him to meet up with Cyrus and start recruiting fighters again. Georgie won't do it. He needs some counseling (hey, Ryan knows a therapist!) and some time to grieve after his last recruiting round went so awry. Ryan is going it alone, he needs to kick start the rebel alliance so his girlfriend will have something to discover next time she starts going through his stuff. It's too expensive to keep buying jewelry and hiding it around the house, he needs something juicy. He pulls up to a coffee shop that is closed for renovation. He opens the door, which was helpfully left unlocked, and walks in. A voice from the kitchen shouts that they are closed for renovation. Ryan laughs at Cyrus for always being a rude bastard. Cyrus comes out and stares at him for a moment before they launch into each other's arms like we are suddenly watching a Lifetime Christmas homecoming story. Cyrus asks Ryan what he is doing there, which is weird because didn't Cyrus leave his card at Ryan's house? Ryan doesn't seem to mind the incongruity and tells Cyrus he can give him 29 guesses. Must be some sort of V joke.
They don't give us much time to scratch our heads or Google frantically for all crypto-mythological or pop cultural references related to the number 29, but this isn't Lost, people, or even Psych, for that matter, because in the next scene Anna has gathered the captains of all the 29 starships to hear her speech. She holds up her visa and reminds them to shop wisely because interest rates on Earth are a bitch. She then reminds the captains that the visas and the diplomatic ties they have established with the countries of Earth are an important first step. That said they must work to keep up appearances. This conjures up a fabulous image of Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced bou-quet, obvi) trying to align herself with the Visitors on the grounds that they might appreciate her china collection and since she can't ever seem to get up the social ladder in England, there's always outer space. Anna would love her. And now you all think I am a forty-year old Anglophile with a fancy for teapots. Anna encourages her captains to do whatever is necessary to retain the image of peace-loving non-lizards who are just here to help. It's pretty much all about PR. They should really consider hiring either Lizzie Grubman or the PR guru who keeps Heidi Montag in the spotlight despite any obvious skill or brain cell. If the Vs do their job well they can stop any resistance before it even starts.
Elsewhere on the mothership, Alien Dale is trying to put together the pieces of the night he died, almost. He can't remember much, but when the doctor tells him that his skin was wide open when he was brought onboard, he knows that whoever beaned him saw his true face. It sounds like killing him was less offensive than seeing his lizard underwear, which is interesting. Meanwhile, Anna's Executive Assistant has uploaded a dossier on Mary Faulkner, the widow who is the current face of the resistance, to Anna's computer. However, he doesn't understand why she cares so much about this one woman when they have so many global concerns. She explains that the hatred that Mary Faulkner feels for the Vs -- who killed her husband and destroyed her life -- is contagious. She must be made an example of before that hatred spreads. I wonder how a PR agent would spin "making an example" of someone?
Father Jack has added a few unexplainable miles to the parish's car. I hope the diocese is willing to forgive a few fudges on the