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The United States has established diplomatic relations with the Visitors and Anna is first in line for a visa. But their reception is not exactly pink champagne and rose petals. In fact they get threatened and lucky Erica gets assigned the task of protecting them from themselves as it turns out. Yep, the Vs are two-faced in more ways than one and have no qualms about making one of their own turn guns against them in order to garner some sympathy from us saps.
Father Jack is in pursuit of Rebel Leader George. His comatose neighbor reports that George's entire family was killed. He went nuts after that, blaming everything on the aliens and we all know they couldn't have had anything to do with it. Father Jack couldn't find George, but George finds him…gun muzzle first. Father Jack speaks truth to gun power and talks him out of shooting him in the face. They agree to fight together so they don't have to be so ronery, so ronery.
Ryan finds another rebel V, but this one, Cyrus, has a chip on his shoulder and a mission to get back to the mothership and hook up with some bliss by turning in every rebel V he can find. Ryan calls him a bliss junky and dusts him (seriously, Vs die like vampires, which is something to think about) before the Vs can answer the distress signal. He leaves a mess on the floor and a message on the door: "John May lives". The Vs totally know what that means.
Agent Erica is called to the Visitors' visitor center in response to the aforementioned terrorist threat. The shooter has taken out a guard and is wearing a V uniform. Fortunately intrepid Erica takes him out before he can shoot anyone. Unfortunately, she takes him down before he can shoot anyone. Her boss makes her hand the prisoner over to the Vs and that just makes Erica's inner rebel really uncomfortable. So she breaks into the Vs' office and makes the realization that the V uniforms are packing cameras and they are watching, always. What she doesn't notice is her knuckleheaded son getting some R and R with a buxom blonde.
Yes, the idiot Tyler is still making a play for hot V princess, Lisa, who has not only gotten her visa, but has gotten the chucklehead back into his V peace ambassador uniform. It's a nice uniform, but it sure would look better on the floor of his bedroom. Bummer that his mommy came home and busted up their make out session. Ty is obviously a crap liar, so it is lucky that Lisa is quick enough to realize that she needs to strip down to her skivvies to avoid being seen in her uniform.
Reptile Anna practices looking human and sympathetic for her heartfelt apology to the woman who has been spearheading the anti-V movement because of her husband's death on the day of the Vs' arrival. Her surreptitious meeting with the woman, Mary Faulkner, results in a complete about-face and the woman's planned press conference denouncing the Vs turns into a full on "Vs Shall Overcome". The death threat against the Vs means they all have to work together to create peace. After the conference, all the silly humans love the Visitors.
Dale is back from the dead and via nifty neural construct, he's able to remember most of what happened to him during his years "undercover" as a human. He remembers how gross his wife is and more importantly he remembers that Erica killed him. Now he's going to return the favor. But Dale's memories are in the wrong hands. Well, actually the right hands. Well, it depends who you're rooting for. The person guiding Dale through his memory is another member of the Rebel Alliance, or as they prefer to call it, The Fifth Column. He is more than happy to recruit Erica as an ally.
Erica and Father Jack meet up at the church to debrief about their days. Father Jack has a surprise: He has Georgie. Then Georgie has a surprise: He has Ryan with him. But the biggest surprise comes from Anna. When Lisa returns to the mothership to tell Anna that she knows Tyler is the one, Anna pats her on the cheek. She's proud of her daughter's hard work. That must have been one sexy egg she hatched from.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!You know that old Erma Bombeck saying about travel, that when you look your passport photo it is time to go home? The saying truly applies to me, because due to some cruel and ill-timed mental lapse I decided that it would be great if the haven't-washed-my-hair-in-three-days pigtails I was wearing were permanently enshrined on my passport. And so they are. To be clear, I was not seven years old and wearing my Easter dress in fact, I was wearing a crew-neck t-shirt, that I suppose was mine although I have no recollection of it nor is it currently in my closet, that magically manages to be the exact color of my skin. Therefore in the photo, I look naked. Naked and in pigtails. Every time I cross a border I feel like I am going to get arrested for trafficking in child pornography. So the second I start looking like that picture? It is definitely time to go home. When the United States established diplomatic relations with the Visitors, one hundred lucky Vs got to line up for their visas. And get their visa pictures taken. And now we know two things to distinguish the earthlings from the Visitors: lizard skin and passport photos. Those photos were works of art. None of the Vs were blinking, scratching, yawning, or look like their photos were taken by Diane Arbus. No, they look beautiful, each and every one. Obviously the ugly humans are pissed about this and are protesting. Chad Decker reports live from the scene as Anna takes a small step into New York City. She immediately steps into an elevator and is whisked away somewhere. She doesn't blink the entire time. And if Morena Baccarin keeps up this not blinking thing I say she should be given an Emmy or least awarded some conciliatory eyedrops. Chad's writer/producer/assistant reminds him that he had a lot to do with the Vs' big day. He agrees with her, but I'm not sure anyone else would. All he did was have a pro-con panel. How does that do anything except let talking heads listen to themselves talk?
Father Jack is taking his turn in the confessional. Seems like his entire congregation wants to talk about how they are starting to doubt the existence of god because of the Visitors. They don't know if the Vs are angels, demons, or Robert Langdon. The Vs cure cancer and god hasn't done any miracles on earth since the Miracle on 34th Street and the invention of Miracle Whip. But the Vs are more than happy to perform miraculous acts on a daily basis. Father Jack is torn. The Vatican is pro-V, but with his lil sample of the Tree of Knowledge, he knows that the Vs are not what they seem. We don't see what Father Jack counsels his confessors (it's sacred after all), but he looks wracked with doubts of his own. Couldn't god have invented the Vs, too, but just like dodos and Chihuahuas and seven-foot drag queens named Lulu Bates, he forgot to mention them in the Bible?
Erica is working at home going through the pile of papers she pilfered from the Visitor Threat Assessment Joint Task Force. She is separating out the crazies from the dead from the intriguing. She is also talking to the television news that is reporting on the Vs' visas, because she knows that there is no way they did a proper or thorough threat assessment and it just makes her SO mad. Twerp Tyler walks into her fists of fury being shaken at the television. He is so not getting where all the anger towards the Vs is coming from. Erica doesn't give him any hints as to why he should stay away from the Vs, which is probably a good thing since he would just tell them anyway. She tells him to stay away from the city today, but he announces he is going anyway because Bobblehead Brandon needs a ride. She doesn't even attempt to argue and asks if maybe he might be back later? Maybe? Tyler ignores her and opens the door to leave, but is stopped mid-eye roll when he sees a priest standing on his doorstep. He manages to look surprised. Erica is surprised too by the unexpected appearance of Father Jack on her doorstep especially since she's sporting her super short shorts. She retreats behind the kitchen island so the priest will not be lead down the path of temptation by the sight of her pale legs. By the way, do we know if Father Jack's last name is Shepherd? 'Cause that would be rich. Anyway, Jack IS having doubts and he has no one to turn to in his time of crisis except Erica and her short shorts. He doesn't understand what is going on, he doesn't understand why the Vs didn't just annihilate the human race. Erica has no answers, but her short shorts do: The Vs need them for something and they are smart and patient enough to wait for it. Just then Erica's phone rings. She has to go to work...at the Peace Ambassador Center, because there has been a death threat against the Vs. Father Jack smirks at the idea of Erica having to defend the Vs, but she points out that if a human kills a Visitor, suddenly the humans are the bad guys. He asks if she minds if he stays and looks through the pile of papers. Maybe he will recognize someone. Erica looks quizzical for a moment and then realizes that if you can't trust a priest that you know is not an alien, who can you trust?
Ryan and Val stroll through the West Village, past a string of fake restaurants. Val thinks it is adorable that Ryan wants to walk her to work, but he doesn't. He knows everything has changed now and he wants to keep her safe. She smiles up at him and then demands to know what the secret he is keeping this time. Seriously Val? Again with the suspicious mind? Your entire purpose on this show thus far has been to look concerned, doubtful, and chockfull of suspicions and you don't even knock it off when you embarrassed yourself by finding your own hidden engagement ring. While I know therapists tend to be at least as fucked up as their patients, you better freaking relax with the paranoia, because you are even starting to bug me and I am not almost engaged to you. Although, even though you are paranoid, you might be right. As soon as Val is inside her office building, a car pulls up alongside Ryan. He makes sure Val is gone and jumps into the passenger seat. It's Georgie. Ryan wants to know how many others may have escaped the massacre at the warehouse, but Georgie doesn't know. He hasn't dared contact them after they were jacked. Ryan thinks they need to find people to mount a resistance now, because it will only get worse now that the Vs are honored guests of the United States. Georgie agrees, but he doesn't know how to start because they have no money and no compatriots. Ryan disagrees because he has access to both. He tells Georgie that John May, the original V rebel is not a myth, but alive and well and living in Las Vegas with Elvis. I may have misheard that last part. But it's Val's fault, because I've had "Suspicious Minds" stuck in my head ever since she scrunched her eyebrows and opened her mouth. Ryan swears that John May and his Fifth Column of rebellious aliens can bring an army to the fight. Is it just me or does the Fifth Column sound a lot like a gay bar?
Meanwhile, up on the mothership, Anna's Executive Assistant (executive assistants always want that shit capitalized, right?) and a doctor of some sort are discussing the status of Alien Dale. As you might recall from the end of last week's show, Alien Dale is not dead, but alive and well on the Vs' ship. Okay, not "well" exactly, but alive. The doctor tells the EA that he is not sure what if anything Alien Dale will be able to remember, what with his head having been bashed in. The EA is not pleased with this diagnosis. Alien Dale was a highly-placed sleeper for years and they need to know what he knows and find out if he was compromised. The EA and the doctor exchange a long meaningful look. Have I mentioned how incredibly helpful it is that the Vs speak English even when alone on their ship? Alien Dale is awake and the doctor introduces himself as Joshua. He is glad to see Alien Dale awake, because he gave them quite a scare. He explains that Alien Dale has the whole mothership atwitter because they don't get to see heroes that often. Alien Dale is a little groggy still and the doctor explains that he was stabbed in the chest -- someone was aiming for his heart. If he was human he would be dead, so ha ha ha! Alien humor isn't that funny. That's why they came for John Belushi first. Alien Dale can't remember anything from his attack and he needs to know who did this to him. Ooh Erica you better look out. I hear the Vs hold grudges like geckos.
Elsewhere on board the ship, Anna stands watching the news. Actually she is always standing, right? Do they not sit? Oh I guess she sat during her interview with Chad Decker, but there is a serious lack of chairs onboard. Would it kill them to have a few Herman Millers lying around just for you know...office chic? And wouldn't a Successory poster or a kitten mousepad just spruce up the place a little? They don't understand humanity at all. On the television, Chad Decker reports that the face of the resistance movement is one Mary Faulkner, a widow of one of the pilots who was killed during the Visitors' arrival. She has been on a hunger strike for six days and is planning to speak at a protest rally outside the Visitors' Visitor Center. Anna does not like this at all. She tells her Executive Assistant to get all the information he can about this Mary Faulkner. They are going to quash this right now. Well that doesn't sound very neighborly.
Outside the Visitor Center, idiot Tyler is dropping off his big-boned friend Brandon. Brandon feels bad that Ty can't join him in wearing the V uniform with pride, what with getting kicked out of the Junior Peace Ambassador program for punching out a protestor in his failed attempt to impress a girl. Tyler shrugs because he is too hormonally-challenged to think of anything but new and different ways to hook up with Lisa. He also seems to think that she was secretly impressed with his show of manliness, despite the fact that he was acting against his own people. Lisa stands wi
th perfect posture right inside the gate surveying the protests or trying to pick whose pancreas she will eat first. As moronic Tyler pulls away from the front of the Visitors' Visitor Center, his mom is pulling up. I really was hoping she would bust him and yell, "We'll talk later, young man." And then he could roll his eyes and then she would find him in his room and he would blame her for the divorce some more and then she would do nothing but sit there in stunned silence while he slammed the door on his way out to go tongue a V girl. That would have been awesome. Maybe time. Erica gets the lowdown on the situation from her boss who is already there, but was just waiting for her to show up so he could delegate. He is a boss after all. Good for a Successory poster, but not for getting any work done. She is told that the guy has been made several threatening calls about the Vs, but this time he sounds serious. The profiler thinks he is mid- to late-twenties, white, male, maybe ex-military. They walk inside the compound where they are greeted by a team of V security guards. Each FBI agent is going to be paired with a member of the V squad, just to create some dramatic inter-species tension. Erica resists, but her boss insists on it. She pretends to smile at the guard she is assigned to work with, but he sees right through it and says that he understands her species is naturally mistrustful. Wait, did lizard lips just diss the entire human race? I know you're cold-blooded, but that's cold. Erica looks like a little like she is going to barf and a little like she is going to introduce him to the real American eagle (you know, the one on your hand that flies high every time someone cuts you off while you are driving). She takes a deep breath and asks to see their surveillance center. He explains that is in the restricted zone, and she smiles, because she knows. Obviously he has no choice but to take her into the restricted zone because they have to keep up appearances of being open and honest, always. The V surveillance center kind of looks like the room in War Games where Matthew Broderick almost sets off global thermo-nuclear war. Like it is from the 80s and up to no good. Although I guess that description would also apply to Scott Baio. Erica is like advanced technological wha? And her ersatz partner explains that the government gave them the building when they landed and they haven't had a chance to make upgrades. So that explains that, but at least I got my War Games reference in. Erica surveys the surveillance and makes a few pointers about what they are looking for and how to get rid of blind spots in their cameras' coverage of the perimeter. She notices a Visitor entering a mysterious room across the hallway and manages to see the secret access code. Secret access codes? So much for alien technology. I bet they have combination locks on their gym lockers, too. Her partner informs her that in the unlikely event of injuries, they want to make sure that their team is seen by their doctors. Erica manages not to smirk, but almost coolly smiles that she understands. I swear Elizabeth Mitchell was not this awkward of an actress when she was on Lost. She is clunking through her scenes lately.
Back at Erica's house, Father Jack is still burrowing through the stacks of stolen FBI files. He crosses off another name on the list and moves on to George Sutton. The notes on the intake sheet indicate that George knows what he is talking about: planning on annihilating us, cloning human skin, infiltrating all levels of society, etc. Father Jack jumps up and starts looking for more information about this George. He finds the file and recognizes George as the organizer of the meeting. He calls Erica, but it goes straight to voicemail.
George Sutton is busy, anyway, and couldn't receive visitors (or Visitors) anyway. He is still meeting with Ryan trying to find out what he, a mere human, can do to help fuel the fabled Fifth Column resistance. Ryan is going to meet Cyrus, the guy who broke into his house and left the tell-tale upside down picture and his business card and actually managed to make Val MORE suspicious than her normal state of just kinda suspicious. Cyrus was his right hand man back in the glory days of the Fifth Column. He fought harder than any other rebel and knew more about the Fifth Column than anyone. He wants Georgie to come with him to meet up with Cyrus and start recruiting fighters again. Georgie won't do it. He needs some counseling (hey, Ryan knows a therapist!) and some time to grieve after his last recruiting round went so awry. Ryan is going it alone, he needs to kick start the rebel alliance so his girlfriend will have something to discover time she starts going through his stuff. It's too expensive to keep buying jewelry and hiding it around the house, he needs something juicy. He pulls up to a coffee shop that is closed for renovation. He opens the door, which was helpfully left unlocked, and walks in. A voice from the kitchen shouts that they are closed for renovation. Ryan laughs at Cyrus for always being a rude bastard. Cyrus comes out and stares at him for a moment before they launch into each other's arms like we are suddenly watching a Lifetime Christmas homecoming story. Cyrus asks Ryan what he is doing there, which is weird because didn't Cyrus leave his card at Ryan's house? Ryan doesn't seem to mind the incongruity and tells Cyrus he can give him 29 guesses. Must be some sort of V joke.
They don't give us much time to scratch our heads or Google frantically for all crypto-mythological or pop cultural references related to the number 29, but this isn't Lost, people, or even Psych, for that matter, because in the scene Anna has gathered the captains of all the 29 starships to hear her speech. She holds up her visa and reminds them to shop wisely because interest rates on Earth are a bitch. She then reminds the captains that the visas and the diplomatic ties they have established with the countries of Earth are an important first step. That said they must work to keep up appearances. This conjures up a fabulous image of Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced bou-quet, obvi) trying to align herself with the Visitors on the grounds that they might appreciate her china collection and since she can't ever seem to get up the social ladder in England, there's always outer space. Anna would love her. And now you all think I am a forty-year old Anglophile with a fancy for teapots. Anna encourages her captains to do whatever is necessary to retain the image of peace-loving non-lizards who are just here to help. It's pretty much all about PR. They should really consider hiring either Lizzie Grubman or the PR guru who keeps Heidi Montag in the spotlight despite any obvious skill or brain cell. If the Vs do their job well they can stop any resistance before it even starts.
Elsewhere on the mothership, Alien Dale is trying to put together the pieces of the night he died, almost. He can't remember much, but when the doctor tells him that his skin was wide open when he was brought onboard, he knows that whoever beaned him saw his true face. It sounds like killing him was less offensive than seeing his lizard underwear, which is interesting. Meanwhile, Anna's Executive Assistant has uploaded a dossier on Mary Faulkner, the widow who is the current face of the resistance, to Anna's computer. However, he doesn't understand why she cares so much about this one woman when they have so many global concerns. She explains that the hatred that Mary Faulkner feels for the Vs -- who killed her husband and destroyed her life -- is contagious. She must be made an example of before that hatred spreads. I wonder how a PR agent would spin "making an example" of someone?
Father Jack has added a few unexplainable miles to the parish's car. I hope the diocese is willing to forgive a few fudges on the
mileage record. He pulls up to the most recent address he could find for George Sutton and he just walks on into the house. I guess as a priest you can get away with breaking and entering if you swear you are on a Mission from God. He walks around the house, which is apparently on Staten Island (the loneliest borough), looking for clues to find out who is George Sutton. He finds a picture of a young girl (which can't bode well) and the wall is papered in clippings documenting a Staten Island family who was murdered. He is caught red-handed mid-snoop by a neighbor who wants to know what he is doing in there. He doesn't have a great excuse, so he just points at his clerical collar. She accepts it and explains that George hasn't lived there since the murders. Father Jack has no idea what she is talking about, so she explains that George's entire family was killed and he went a little crazy after that, blaming aliens for his family's killing. The priest looks stunned although if he was like, say, Father Dowling, he would have been able to make the leap from the wall clippings to the fire fueling George's hatred of the Vs. Father Jack gives the neighbor his card, and asks her to pass along the message that he was at the warehouse and is looking for him.
Back at the coffee shop, Cyrus and Ryan are still catching up. When Ryan tells him that he has to get the Fifth Column back together, Cyrus won't enlist, but promises him the names and numbers of others who might. It's the best he can do right now He is in the middle of remodeling, you know? And rebellions don't pay as well as they used to. There is something about the way Ryan and Cyrus keep talking about the good old days and Ryan's attempts to re-start the rebellion that feels like a bunch of middle aged men sitting around talking about their high school football days and maybe getting the team back together to win the state championship. I sort of expect him to start whistling "Glory Days" or production on Rocky VII. Cyrus heads back to the kitchen to get the info and asks Ryan to grab his glasses for him. When Ryan follows him into the back, Cyrus has pulled a gun on him. Ryan does not look particularly surprised by this turn of events. He reaches under a counter and finds a red button-y scanner-y thing. Cyrus has the gun trained on him and explains that he is going to turn him over to the Vs in exchange for being reconnected to "The Bliss". Ryan tries to reason with him, because they are never going to reconnect him, they are just going to get as many Fifth Column members as they can from him and then skin him. The Bliss is how Anna controlled them for so many years -- he is just a junkie with junkie hair. They tussle for the gun. Ryan wins, points the gun at his head, and reminds him that he has to be alive to be reconnected.
At the Visitors' Visitor Center, Erica is still investigating the death threat against the Vs. If you call in a death threat to the FBI, is that like trying to commit suicide via baby aspirin overdose and actually just a cry for help? Because if you are really going to kill someone wouldn't you just do it? It's like in (spoiler alert?) Austin Powers when Seth Green just wants to shoot the super spy, but Dr. Evil insists on a wildly elaborate scheme. If you're serious, you just do it. Erica and her partner are perched up at a vantage point, surveying the crowd. Obviously she notices that a guard is missing, not her V counterpart. She is the one who finds the downed guard and sends out the alert that the shooter is wearing a V uniform. And it is intrepid Agent Erica who spies the suspected killer making his way into the visitor center and tackles him to the ground while the crack V security just stands there looking mopey. She hands the killer over to the Visitors for holding. There is something really off-putting about how Agent Erica is the only person -- FBI or V -- who ever does anything police-y on this show. Even when she is in a room full of security, it is still a one-woman show. It just seems unrealistic, like someone is just off-camera saying, "Back off, folks, let the star do her thing." Maybe it looks more egregious because she doesn't have a partner to share in the action, but she wasn't the only agent the FBI called in, yet she was clearly running the entire show.
One Visitor missed all the action, because she was sitting alone staring at an empty table at a pizza joint. Hoping, just hoping, that out of all the pizza joints in all the world, meathead Tyler will happen to walk into this one. He does. His jowly friend Brandon managed to string together four whole sentences to set it up, too. Brandon makes like a banana and splits so Tyler can grin stupidly at Lisa in private. She was granted her visa today and all she could think about was reconnecting with Tyler. She adds that she spoke to the Council today and Tyler has been reinstated in the Junior Peace Ambassador program. He grins again and watches her through the strands of his greasy hair.
Erica marches her prisoner through the gray lino-lined hallways of the Vs' municipal building. Her boss and her V security counterpart accompany her so that they can pretend they earned their paychecks today. Then they surprise Erica by taking her prize away -- the Vs will be taking custody of him. Her boss doesn't bother explaining beyond that, much like Denise Richards, "It's complicated". Erica looks quizzical, but her boss doesn't elaborate. Erica hands the prisoner over to the Vs and her boss tells her to meet him outside. She decides to go snooping instead. She heads to the door where earlier she saw the Visitor entering the secret access code. She pushes the button sequence once, but hits the wrong sequence of buttons. She tries again and succeeds in unlocking the door. She walks in and finds the Vs' real surveillance room. It's not just the building, but the entire city of New York. She touches one floating screen and she can suddenly see and hear some joggers who are talking to one of the Visitors' Junior Peace Ambassadors. She touches another screen and can see and hear an NYC street scene (strangely no public urination, though). She notices that she is on one of the screens. She enlarges it and sees that indeed it is her and she is being watched while she's watching the screens. It's all so heady, I'm sure Foucault would be proud. She snaps her fingers in order to echolocate the camera and finds the camera embedded on the Visitor's uniform that is hanging on the back of the door. She puts the uniform down and scurries out of the room right before her knuckleheaded son and his hot V girlfriend walk onscreen. They are both in uniform.
Anna prepares her words of condolence and practices looking human. She has to practice a lot because true sorrow is hard to fake. Morena Baccarin is really a fantastic actress. The way she makes subtle shifts in inflection to completely change the meaning of the words. The way her eyes completely change expression each time she starts over. You know how Tyra Banks is always trying to teach her Top Model wannabes to tell a story with their eyes and she always gets a blank stare, an ogle, and if she's lucky someone gets some glitter in their eye and starts to tear up? Tyra would be really proud of Morena Baccarin right now. I mean if Tyra was capable of human emotion. Anna manages to manifest a tear just in time for her Executive Assistant to come fetch her. Outside, a beleaguered woman dressed in black pulls up in a car. She steps out of the car, seemingly headed towards the protesters standing outside the Visitors' Visitor Center. It is Mary Faulkner, the woman who was widowed on the day of the Vs' arrival. Anna opens a door blocking her path to the protesters. She asks Mary if she can have a moment of her time. Mary isn't particularly interested in hearing what Anna has to say, but Anna uses all her hard won sympathy skills (use active listening, Anna!) to convince Mary that all she wants to do is offer her heartfelt condolences. She ex
plains that this surprise meeting was the only way to prevent a scene. Mary caves when Anna touches her arm and follows her inside. Stupid, stupid Mary.
In the main lobby of the Visitor Center, Agent Erica's boss introduces her to Anna's Executive Assistant. He wants to thank her for saving his life earlier, because the gunman may have been aiming for him. She makes a funny about blaming instinct and training for her quick action in saving his life. He doesn't quite get it, but pretends to laugh anyway. He extends his hand and Erica stares at it a moment and then gingerly shakes it. BFF!
Meanwhile, Alien Dale is being led on an historical reenactment of his life on Earth. The helpful doctor recreated the FBI office where Alien Dale worked based on his neural memories. The hope is that Alien Dale will remember more once he's in a familiar surrounding and maybe he will remember who mostly killed him. As Alien Dale walks around his old office, the doctor opines that it must have been so strange to live with an alien species for so many years. Hey, who you calling alien, lizard face? Alien Dale describes it as smelly and crowded, and it was disgusting to wake up to Erica, that wretched human everyday. The doctor reminds him that his wife's name was Jocelyn and his partner was Erica. At the mention of his partner, Alien Dale remembers Erica picking up a piece of rebar and slamming it into his face. She killed him and she saw his reptilian underpinnings (python panties?). He wants to go back and kill her. RIGHT NOW. Quick aside: You know how the Visitors are supposed to have constructed their faces to be the most beautiful creatures on Earth? Alien Dale doesn't quite make the cut. Don't get me wrong, I love Alan Tudyk, even in ...sigh, Dollhouse, but he's not even close to Anna or Lisa as far as attractiveness. This does not mean I don't love him. I'm just saying.
Father Jack is taking candle inventory at his church when a gun is thrust into the back of his head, which is not very Christian at all. It's George Sutton. He knows that the priest was looking for him, but he is so badass that he has no qualms at all about pointing a gun at a priest in a church. George notes the still-healing cut on the back of the priest's ear, so he knows he's not a V and that he was at the warehouse. Father Jack explains that he is working with Erica to find other rebels. George thinks the priest could have brought the Vs to the meeting, but Father Jack quickly relates that Erica's partner, Alien Dale, was a V, but Erica killed him. George reminds him that the Vs have crushed them every time they try to gather a crowd and, by the way, leaving your card with someone is a really stupid idea. Father Jack nods and then gently mentions that he saw the photos of George's family when he was breaking into his house. He knows that George is like him and that the V invasion has made them feel incredibly alone.
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Back on the mothership, Alien Dale is stomping around the FBI office in his mind. He is bound and determined to get back to Earth and off Erica as soon as possible. She won't even know what hit her. The doctor agrees, but he's not going to let Alien Dale off the ship. Alien Dale doesn't get it. The doctor explains that if everything he has said about Erica is true, she will make a fantastic ally. (!!) Alien Dale perks up at that and tries to punch the doctor in his traitorous face. But the doctor is just another construct in Alien Dale's mind. As Alien Dale fights back, the fake FBI office fades around him. He wakes up on the table in the medical bay of the mothership. The doctor stands over him shoving an injection into his arm. He pins Alien Dale down while the drug takes effect. When Alien Dale is down, the doctor bids him hello (also, goodbye) from the Fifth Column. The doctor walks off, leaving Alien Dale incapacitated. Happy trails, Alien Dale! Ah, the Fifth Column, not just an early 90s boy band anymore.
Chad Decker is still reporting live from the Visitors' Visitor Center. Mary Faulkner is about to make her speech to the gathered crowds of reporters and V protesters. She ascends the dais and reminds her audience that her husband died on the day of the Vs' arrival and everyday has been full of grief and pain and anger since then. But something happened on the way to the forum. She had a quiet conversation ...with her Northwestern Mutual rep? No, with Anna. Who showed her that a life full of hate and anger would result in premature aging, grey hairs, and deep-set wrinkles and that only hope and trust would heal that. Anna joins her on the dais to remind the world that today a man tried to kill one of their ranks today. While he was aiming for one of the lizard people, his real target was ...peace. That is brilliant PR spin. Anna explains that Lieutenant Faulkner sacrificed his life to defend peace, which they kind of gloss over and so will I because while we don't know the details of how Faulkner died, wasn't it most likely that he was in a fighter jet heading to ward off the alien invasion and they zapped him? Is that how they define defending peace? Anyway, Anna continues her speech claiming that they will not retaliate against humanity for the attempted assassination, because they are kind and civilized and at peace, always. Also, no one was actually killed, so it would be kind of hard to justify retaliating. Chad Decker sits in the audience, pondering, pondering. I don't totally understand his presence there, because it's not like you would ever see Dan Rather or Katie Couric or Tom Brokaw actually reporting from an event. They always send a minion and remain at their desk lording over the nightly news.
Anna's Executive Assistant and the entire secretarial pool scurry to Cyrus's restaurant where a V agent is waiting for him. The EA is ushered into the kitchen, where Cyrus is just a dusty outline on the tile floor. Apparently Vs die just like vampires, so...is Buffy going to be the new recruit? Or maybe Bella and the Vs can all die of mooniness? The EA turns to see a message scrawled on the door, "John May Lives." He shakes his head and says, "There can be no peace." Visitor, please, you weren't planning on peace anyway.
At Erica's spacious home, numnuts Tyler is giving Lisa a tour of his bedroom. After he lights some Yankee Candles and starts up Tiffany's classic ballad, "I Think We're Alone Now" to play softly in the background, they tumble towards his bed, kissing. Being a hormonal teenage boy with the skull density of shale, Tyler did not bother remembering that he lives with his mother who will obviously come home at the most inconvenient moment possible, so he seems surprised when Erica calls to him from downstairs. Knowing that he promised to stay away from the Visitors, he tears off his V uniform, apologizes to Lisa, and dashes topless into the hallway where he stands awkwardly shifting from foot to foot while Erica stares at him quizzically. Although in the past Erica hasn't shown great maternal (let alone FBI) instincts for when her son is flat-out lying to her, Tyler is so obviously full of shit and hiding something that she pushes past him and walks into his bedroom. There she finds Lisa in just a bra and panties. Erica is sort of horrified, as any mother would be, and retreats. She tells Lisa to get dressed, tells Tyler to drive her home, and reminds him that they will be talking about this later. Don't let him drive her home -- they'll just go make out in the car. Call her parents! That should be awkward. Tyler looks really excited at the prospect of being able to remind his mother that she is a failure and his father left her. When Erica is barely gone, Lisa explains that she thought it would be better for Erica to see her naked rather than in her V uniform. Tyler looks appreciative, so does Little Tyler. I, however, am disappointed that the technology of the future does not provide a more comfortable alternative to the push up bra.
On the New York mothership, Anna watches Chad Decker report the latest. Today's top news stories collided into a PR win for the Visitors. The anti-V movement received a big blow today when their leader, Mary Faulkner, forgave the Vs for her husband's death and Anna forgave the humans for trying to kill one of them. While no rounds of "Kumbaya" were sung, the Visitors did express interest in giving the world a Coke. Anna is pleased by the news. She turns to her companion -- the man charged with the attempted assassination -- and thanks him for his good work today. He walks off to join his V cohorts. Those Vs sure are crafty. And two-faced, both literally and figuratively.
Agent Erica meets up with Father Jack to brief him on what she saw in the Visitors' surveillance room. While they knew they had to be careful about who they talked to, now they know they have to be really really careful because of the Vs' awesome jackets that were totally in a James Bond movie, but I can't remember which one. Erica then chides Father Jack for going to find George Sutton on his own. He should have waited for her. He is so sensitive about being just a boring old priest in the face of her FBI awesomeness that she has to spend the ten minutes comforting him and doing trust exercises and proving that he really is a valuable member of their two-man team. Just then there is a knock and the door opens. Erica draws her gun, but... what assassin knocks? It's Georgie. Father Jack introduces him and Erica begrudgingly puts her gun away. Georgie has a friend with him. It's Ryan who looks almost shy when he comes into the meeting. Strangely we don't see Val lurking in the shadows following him. You know she's there.
Back onboard the mothership, Lisa goes to speak with Anna. She reports that Tyler is definitely the one. The one she'll break her celibacy pledge for? She tells Anna that she should use Tyler. Anna smoothes Lisa's hair and tells her she is doing an excellent job. Lisa smiles and thanks her mother. Yikes! So is Anna her actual mother? Or is Anna like a mother to her? Or is Anna mother to all the Vs like a Queen Bee? Or like the Alien from, er, Alien laying eggs all over the ship? So many exciting possibilities all from one little word.
Get the inside scoop on V's behind-the-scenes turmoil from star Joel Gretsch (who happens to be William Shatner's son-in-law).
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Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker is a writer and radio producer living in Brooklyn, U.S.A. She misses the hairstyles of the original V series. You can follow her insights on Twitter @woolyknickers.