In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Mode is broke, so Daniel and Wilhelmina have to act poor in hopes of getting a federal bailout. That's silly; poor people don't get federal bailout checks. They only give 50 million dollars to people who look like they're used to having 100 million. Also on the list of "not getting fat government checks" is "people who whoop it up with a $400 bottle of wine in the New York Post," so Daniel and Wili decide to liquidate some of their considerable personal assets to keep Mode alive. And this motivates Daniel to go get Molly back, which is nice.
Meanwhile, Marc and Amanda borrow Wili's baby so they can date a hot guy (Marc) and come to a deep, meaningful realization about parents (Amanda). And they wear entertaining clothes while saying funny things.
Anyway, the main plot is that the Ignacios are suddenly in danger of being evicted unless they can raise $15,000. Ignacio tries to win $10,000 on a cooking show, but fails. Hilda's attempt to jack up the rates at the salon also fails. Even Justin's street-corner performance of Cabaret fails to generate the long green. Even when it turns out that Matt's family has billions of dollars and he wants to give Betty the money, her pride gets in the way. But the cooking show was rigged and Ignacio goes to work for the host and incidentally sells his chicken molé recipe for enough to keep the house.
So the moral of the story is that it was time for Ignacio to get a job cooking already. Good!
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what vlogger Sean Crespo thinks about Betty when he has No Prior Knowledge!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Welcome back to Ugly Betty. To begin this week's episode, Betty will be going through her closet and looking appraisingly at a number of outfits. Those of you with a low tolerance for bright colors and prints are advised not to look directly at your television. And if you think you've got it bad, keep in mind that I'm looking at these clothes in HD. Betty eventually selects a black dress and goes downstairs, where Hilda, Justin, and Ignacio all assume someone must have died. In fact, Betty just thought she should wear something less cheerful because Meade is broke. Even her opening-credits smile is less wide than usual. Justin praises her outfit effusively. Although to be fair, Justin does most things effusively. He's just an effusive kid.
Hilda expresses disbelief that Connor could steal the entire contents of the bank account without being caught (I'm with her!), and Betty says that Connor seems to have completely vanished and there's no way to track him. Ignacio is more concerned with shouting at the cooking show on the television, which is behavior I can identify with. He's angry at a show called Kitchen Rumble, in which Frankie Burrata (Steve Schirripa, who played Bobby Bacala on The Sopranos) challenges everyday cooks. There's a prize of $10,000, but if you lose, all you get are Frankie's leftovers. Ignacio has been calling and demanding to be on the show, but so far to no avail. Not even a small avail. No avail whatsoever for Ignacio.
Betty reports that she's having dinner tonight with her New Friend Matt, and Justin gives her some final praise for her perfect company-in-ruin outfit. Then she turns around to leave and we see that she has a giant, colorful fabric flower affixed to her butt. Justin: "So close, and yet so far." Wouldn't you think Betty would own a black dress to go to funerals in? When you live inside a telenovela, you're in mourning a lot.
Betty arrives at her desk in a tizzy. She sets the tizzy carefully by the phone and answers it. It is Matt, who wants to know if she's received his gift. She has not. Matt claims that he's looking forward to imagining the look on her face when he hears her getting the present. That sentence was a lot more complicated than the other ones in this paragraph, wasn't it? Daniel shows up and seems worried about the company needing a couple million dollars so it doesn't go bankrupt. Betty asks about Molly, and Daniel says that he's leaving Molly alone, as per her wishes. A heart-shaped mylar balloon attached to a jar of jellybeans arrives for Betty, and she gets a little flustered trying to get the balloon to behave. She probably set it too close to the tizzy. After Daniel leaves, Betty picks up the phone and assures Matt that her face is smiling. But we see it reflected in the mylar balloon so it looks all distorted and weird.
Wilhelmina and Marc walk through a Mode hallway, and Wili catches Marc smiling. I'm going to pretend that he was smiling fondly at Betty's happiness, although there's no real indication that this is the case. Marc claims it was a sneer. Wili finds a young lady wearing gladiator sandals and humiliates her a bit before taking her sandals and firing her. She's in a bad mood because Connor stole the company's money and ran out on her. Also, because her new baby won't stop crying. Marc reports that the nanny can't come in due to a chicken pox outbreak in her own child. So Wili tells Marc to have Christina fill in, because apparently Christina is still at Wili's beck and call. Wili also gives Marc a list of silly baby items to purchase at Estella (the Expensive Silly Baby Item Store). Marc isn't thrilled about shopping for cashmere diapers, but Amanda is right there and is really enthusiastic about baby stores. "I like to sit in the tiny furniture and pretend I'm a scary giant. The children cry. It is so much fun." So Marc and Amanda will be shopping for baby stuff tomorrow. Now Amanda has a call, which happens surprisingly rarely for someone whose job it is to receive calls. "Mode magazine, this is Amanda. How may I direct your call? ...You! How many times have I told you not to call here? Leave me alone, you psycho!" It was Amanda's mother, who was calling to make sure Amanda's job is okay. But Amanda's still vowing never to speak to her parents ever again, because she only found out she was adopted last year. Marc tells her that she's pretty when she's dramatic and she preens and strokes her hair weirdly. That was fun.
Daniel reports to Wili and Claire that their insurance doesn't cover losses like this. He and Wili get into a shouting match over whose fault it was that Connor stole everything, but Claire stops them. She's got her own plan for saving the company: a federal bailout! Wili thinks this is silly, but it turns out there's a governmental panel in New York to consider a bailout of the print media industry. Well, that does sound like something they should look into. Claire tells Wilhelmina to dress down a little, because it will be hard to convince anyone that she needs money while she's wearing mink. Wili coldly corrects her that it's actually chinchilla. I have access to an expert in fur identification, and I'm told that she is, in fact, wearing chinchilla, although it's a kind of woven chinchilla instead of straight chinchilla fur. I don't guarantee I have that right. Anyway, Claire says that Wili looks like a "rich bitch".
Betty and Matt arrive at the Suarez house. Matt gave her a ride because she had to pay for dinner after he forgot his wallet again. That guy's got a problem. Hilda slinks up and correctly identifies him as "Betty's New Friend Matt". Matt claims that Betty didn't tell him she had a sister, but he's just joking. So that's two personality traits: he forgets his wallet a lot and likes to make "jokes" that aren't funny and don't have a point. Matt kisses Betty on the cheek and leaves. Hilda is rightfully suspicious about the constant wallet-forgetting. She considers that a bad sign, and doesn't even appreciate the jelly beans. But Betty likes him and claims that she just wants to enjoy having a great job, family, and guy.
Just then! Justin rushes in waving a piece of paper he found in the mail. The Suarezes have until the end of the month to vacate the premises. They're being evicted!
The landlord explains that he's having money problems and is being forced to sell the house to his idiot nephew, who will turn the house into a recording studio. [Don't they have a lease? - Z] Unless the Suarezes can match the nephew's offer and buy the house themselves, they'll have to move. Betty grasps at that straw. They'll buy the house!
Daniel and Wilhelmina are getting onto a city bus in an attempt to seem like Common Folk. Wili thinks they should have taken the limo. I think they could have compromised and taken a cab or something. Wili wants to pay for her fare with a credit card, asking contemptuously, "You think I carry quarters?! I don't know whether to laugh or cry." Daniel's smallest bill is a fifty. Sigh.
Betty's still at home and hangs up the phone. The family apparently qualifies for an FHA loan, so they only need to come up with 5% for a down payment. They just need to find $15,000 before the end of the month! Ignacio doesn't have that much money and also doesn't want to have to take money from his children. Justin thinks they should ask Rich Uncle Daniel "Pennybags" Meade, but Betty will have none of it. But she thinks she could maybe get Marc and Amanda to pony up for the security deposit on the apartment they're subletting from her. Hey, how about a few scenes set there? I bet that apartment's a lot of fun. Hilda says that she can add some goofy features to her salon, like smearing yogurt on people's faces. Everyone is in!
On the bus, there's a guy eating cat food. At least he's using a fork! Anyway, this whole scene is dumb and is designed to show how Daniel and Wili can't be near normal people, and also that normal people are gross and poor.
Marc and Amanda, loaded down with baby stuff, see a hot guy with a baby. And he shops at Estella. His baby, who is named "Cello", loves the organic cotton onesies. Amanda thinks this is silly, but Marc thinks he is very, very hot. Marc sets up a play date with the guy, whose name is Timothy. Amanda thinks Timothy was rude not to introduce himself to her. Marc: "Cute and rude. I'm in love." Amanda smirks, presumably reflecting on the fact that she, too, is both cute and rude.
When Amanda and Marc return to Mode, Betty ambushes them with a request for the security deposit. No dice. Hilda tries to charge a salon customer $200. Nope. Ignacio is calling someone, but he's on hold. Justin is out on the street, dancing for quarters to "The Money Song" from Cabaret. He does get a few quarters, actually. And he has a pretty good crowd going.
At a governmental panel of some sort, Daniel talks about America. The panel leader asks why they should support something so frivolous as a fashion magazine, and Wili starts talking about art and also the thousands of people the industry employs. They don't seem impressed by the bus-riding. The chairman says they'll reconvene on Thursday to talk numbers.
Betty, Hilda, and Justin are comparing numbers around the kitchen table. Betty says that they're $9,644 short of the $15,000 they need. Justin is annoyed that he's the only one that made any extra money today. Hilda is concerned that he skipped school, but impressed with the $250. Apparently it was a whole One Man Show, not just a song. Ignacio claims from the living room that he has a plan. And on cue, the television announces that the contestant on Kitchen Rumble will be... Ignacio Suarez!
Come on, at least pretend to be surprised.
After some commercials, we see the process of creating an episode of Kitchen Rumble. There's a high-tech looking shot of Ignacio's head rotating in front of some flames, which is achieved with a bluescreen and a crew member turning a lazy susan. With Ignacio on top of it, I mean. Justin takes Betty's sandwich away because "Camera adds ten. You'll thank me later." Then Justin turns to Betty's New Friend Matt (who I am starting to wonder why everyone calls him that) and complains that his hair doesn't move. Matt wants to know where the Suarezes will live if Ignacio doesn't win, but Betty doesn't want to dwell on the negative. Just then! Frankie Burrata walks in, and there is an Ennio Morricone music sting. "Which one of you is Ignacio Suarez?" asks Frankie. He and Ignacio stand face to face and the tension builds... until Frankie says "C'mere, you persistent old bird!" Yeah, I didn't think Steve Schirripa was going to be playing a mean guy. They chat a little, and Mo Rocca (!) comes over to break things up. I guess this show is live. And the challenge is chicken molé.
Daniel and Wili are in a restaurant talking about things other than business. Wili doesn't want to talk about Connor, and Daniel doesn't want to talk about Molly. He tells Wili that Molly is dying, and Wili feels awkward. So she orders some wine. "Lots of it."
As the episode of Kitchen Rumble gets underway, there is a lot of chopping and blending. Both chefs are using the Suarez kitchen at the same time, which is a nice touch. [Wait, this show takes place in the challenger's kitchen? Not in some kind of arena? What if they have a tiny kitchen like I do? - Z] Mo Rocca explains to the camera, using the hushed voice commonly seen in cooking commentators, that Ignacio is making a traditional molé poblano (yum!), while Frankie is making a molé of peanuts. There are ten minutes to go as Ignacio grinds chile powder, and Mo gets very excited about Frankie using breadcrumbs. Suddenly! Ignacio's back goes out and he has to lie down. But there are no timeouts in Kitchen Rumble. Frankie will allow a substitution. Both Hilda and Justin say they just did their nails. So the replacement is Betty! Lying on the floor, Ignacio gives her the instructions to stir the molé and turn the chicken. Mo commentates: "Smart move. They tapped the sturdy girl to step in." Betty: "I can hear you, you know!"
The bell rings and the judges taste the dishes. Mo says the judges don't know whose dish is whose, but it seems like they should be able to tell which one has peanuts in it. And the winner is... Frankie Burrata! The Suarezes get nothing except for Frankie's leftovers. Sad music!
At Mode, Daniel tells Betty those shows are all rigged. He also starts to offer to help them out, but Betty rejects his offer. And Wili makes Daniel leave: "Chop chop. We have millions to collect!" Betty looks worried.
At the governmental panel, Daniel says he wants $75 million. But the chairman has a copy of the New York Post where Page Six is headlined "Daniel and Wil Fiddle while Mode Burns..." and there's a huge picture of Daniel and Wili enjoying their wine and laughing it up. Daniel protests that they were commiserating. Chairman: "This is a $400 dollar bottle of wine." Wili: "To be fair, Congressman, it was the only drinkable thing on the menu." So they're not getting anything. Also, "Shame on them!"
Marc and Amanda are walking through the halls as Marc hands out orange papers to extras. Apparently the play date will be an actual play date. With babies. Amanda thinks this will not be a problem, since all Marc has to do is borrow Wili's baby for the afternoon. Marc: "But what do you even do with a baby?" Amanda: "I don't know. Lie to it. Pretend it's yours. Never tell it it was adopted." Amanda is still angry about working to her real mother (Fey Sommers, remember?) and never knowing the truth. Marc: "Downer." Amanda: "I know, right?"
They find Christina, who has Wili's baby . Incidentally, the baby's name is William. Just thought I'd remind you. They want to sign out the baby, which Christina objects to. For a second. Then Amanda confuses her by talking nonsense and Marc claims that this is Wilhelmina's wish. So Christina kisses William and hands him over.
In Queens, Ignacio is disappointed in himself. But then Hilda opens the mail, which includes a Cashier's Check for $10,000. All their problems are mysteriously solved! Hilda runs through the halls of Mode (she can teleport!) screaming and waving the check. Betty is angry and thinks Daniel has given them the money.
Marc and Amanda are screwing around when Timothy shows up. Marc offers to put his fanny pack on (to complete his single-dad look), but Timothy didn't bring his baby after all. So Marc hands William off to Amanda and mentions in passing that she's the nanny. Who doesn't speak English very well. She panics at having a baby in her arms, but Marc flees with Timothy.
Betty and Daniel have one of those conversations where Betty thinks Daniel gave her the check, but he doesn't know what she's talking about. Shouldn't Betty know what Daniel's signature looks like? And if he disguised it, wouldn't that make the check not work? Anyway, Daniel has his own problems, since they didn't get the bailout and he feels that he blew his last shot at saving the company. Despair!
Amanda returns William to Christina ("Here. Just take it.") and rats out Marc. Christina sings to William in baby talk and explains to William that she feels connected to William and must remind herself that she's not William's mother. "Your real mother's not just the one who gives birth to you. It's the one who raises you and tucks you in at night." Seems like it would be easier for Christina to remember that if she weren't also working as the kid's nanny. Amanda looks dreamy-eyed and runs away before she has to help change a diaper.
Betty and Matt are in a restaurant as he agrees that the mystery check is weird. He thinks she should cash the check. And he brought his wallet for once, so he signs for the bill and takes a work call that conveniently takes him away from the table. His signature on the bill matches the one on the check. Matt gave Betty $10,000!
Wili, Claire and Daniel meet at night. Wili lays out the facts: they're broke, and Meade Publications will be going under. Claire accuses Wili of flaunting her wealth, and Wili asks if Claire has started making bathtub gin to economize. Claire responds with a botox crack, and Daniel decides to give a speech about how they don't deserve a bailout. He decides to liquidate his assets, which include a house, a townhouse, some art, and so on. Wili says doesn't have as much as Daniel, but she'll do what she can. Claire tells Daniel he's very brave.
Matt returns to the table, and Betty is furious at him for the check. Matt explains that his family is "sort of really wealthy," which seems to make her angry. His family has billions of dollars. Betty: "You can't just give me this. It's too much." Matt: "We throw money like this at charity all the time." Betty: "I'm not your charity." Whoops! Wrong choice of words there. She leaves.
Hilda and Betty walk into their house, and it looks like Hilda doesn't dig Betty's ethical decision. She wants to keep the money. In fact, if Betty doesn't like Matt anymore, she might scoop him up herself. Justin: "Mom." Hilda: "What? I'm just kidding. [To Betty] I am not kidding." Suddenly, they realize they smell Ignacio's cooking. And Frankie Burrata is in the house. It seems that Ignacio's molé was better, but Frankie needs to win 75% of his challenges to stay under budget. But to make things right, he's hired Ignacio to work in his restaurant, and he's also buying the molé recipe. For $10,000. The house is saved! Plus, Ignacio's got a job, which is nice.
There is glee in the Suarez house. Glee, I tell you!
Back to Mode. Amanda and Marc are talking about Marc's date. They are both dressed fairly entertainingly. Marc complains that Timothy just talked about Cello the whole time and apologizes for leaving Amanda with "The Wilhelmini". Amanda says she's been thinking, and Marc jumps to the conclusion that she wants to have a baby and wants Marc to be the father. Amanda: "Eww! No! Gross!" Marc: "Okay, it's not that gross!" No, Amanda has decided to accept her parents again.
Betty tells Daniel he's being very brave for financing the company with his own money. But he feels like a coward for letting Molly walk away. He felt relieved that Molly told him she didn't want him around during the treatment, but he loves her. Betty encourages him to go be with her. Then she orders him. Off he goes!
End-of-episode song montage! Amanda calls her mother. Wili looks at a picture of Connor and has a sabretooth tiger skull on her desk. Daniel finds Molly on a bridge somewhere and tells her he's not letting her go. She says she can't put him through it, but he refuses to leave. They hug and kiss. Betty and Matt meet in a bar and they apologize to each other. He promises to never try to buy her house again. Betty wants to know more about Matt. Matt says he's really into Betty, and they kiss. The Suarezes have popcorn as they watch themselves on Kitchen Rumble. So I guess it's not live after all.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see our list of Ugly Betty's Soapiest Moments!
Montykins didn't think he'd have to recap a cooking show inside a noncooking show. Monty also has a blog devoted to Movie Novelizations, cleverly entitled Monty on Movie Novelizations. You can email him at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.