Previously on Ugly Betty: Charlie came back to town, throwing Betty's plans with Henry into chaos. Gio was there to pick up the pieces, per usual. Wili hinted that Renee was a crazy stalker of some sort, and had Marc replace her meds with fat burners to facilitate a mental breakdown. Because, you know, that's what a good sister does. And Christina learned that Renee seems to have a thing with candles. Remember that last point.
It's 2:00 AM, and Betty, in a car, is talking on the phone to Daniel, also in a car. Turns out they have been working some serious late nights. Betty marvels at the Mode car's free water, then puts Daniel on hold to take another call. It's Renee. She's worried that Daniel isn't home. Like, really worried. It seems crazy until you're like, "Could Daniel maybe have called her?" Now I know how my mom felt when I was in high school. Betty patches her through to Daniel, and is forced to listen to a conversation that involves the words "panties" and "not anymore." She hangs up.
At Casa de Suarez, it's telenovela time for Ignacio while Justin makes cold calls for Hilda's Beautilities. Sadly, he gets the cold shoulder. Betty comes downstairs, on the phone with Gio. She's ordering sandwiches. Conveeeeenient, her constant need for catering! Betty complains that half of her working late entails being on the phone with crazy Renee. She's been weird for about a week, and it's interfering with Betty's work. Of more interest to Hilda's is Betty's rekindled friendship with Gio. Turns out Henry doesn't know that Betty is talking to Gio again. Hilda wonders if hiding things is the best thing for the relationship. Oh, unquestionably, always. And whee, don't I love being single! In any case, says Betty happily, Charlie is leaving to go back to Tucson today and she wants her last four weeks with Henry to be stress-free. And then, voila! Justin has booked Hilda's first client. It's Hilda's skanky nemesis Gina Gambarro. But even skanks need manicures, and Hilda needs some business.
At Mode, Betty gives Daniel his schedule for the day. It includes a meeting with Rachel Zoe, a nap, and then -- Christian Siriano! It's not quite as exciting as Posh or Betty White, but I'll take it. Betty then takes the opportunity to complain to Daniel about how Renee keeps calling her to schedule time with him. Daniel has a packed schedule, and Renee gets mad every time Betty tells her that Daniel doesn't have time for whatever lovebird-y thing Renee wants to do. Daniel sincerely says that he really likes Renee, and wants Betty to try to work it out. With that, Renee calls again. Oy.
Cut to Wili, talking to a mysterious Dr. (Uncle) Remus about Renee's behavior over the past week. She wonders if Renee's medication isn't working anymore, or if she has possibly stopped taking her pills. Or if they've been replaced by fat burners courtesy of a whipped assistant. Dr. (Uncle) Remus tries to get a word in edgewise, but can't as Wili quickly asks what symptoms might indicate a backslide. Dr. (Uncle) Remus says that Renee has struggled with paranoia, coinciding with irrational jealous behavior. As he says this, we see Renee struggling with paranoia, coinciding with irrational jealous behavior, as she is on the phone with Betty. As well, says Dr. (Uncle) Remus, there may be mood swings. Oh, there are. This is usually followed by some sort of emotional crash, as evidenced by Renee crying on the phone with Betty. Wili wonders if there's a time that they might consider committing her poor sister. I say lock both of them in an abandoned 1920s asylum together and see who comes out alive.
Wili tells Marc, who is waiting outside of the building, that they have a lot of work to do. Dr. (Uncle) Remus won't commit Renee until she is a danger to herself and others. They both agree that they don't want anyone to get hurt, and want this over with as soon as possible. Thus, Wili wants to give Renee a little push onto the crazy train. She tells Marc to schedule lunch at La Brulee, then orders him to go keep an eye on her Scottish walking womb. When he balks she tells him not to pout, because he doesn't have the lips for it.
Back at Mode, Betty complains to Gio about Renee as he delivers the sandwiches. Henry walks by and Betty makes a quick exit. He notices Gio, and Betty quickly tries to change the subject. But Henry has a topic of his own he needs to bring up. Turns out Charlie had a panic attack at the airport, and her doctor is worried that it might bring on early labor. He doesn't want her to travel. Which means -- you got it -- she's staying in New York until the baby's born. After a split second, Betty puts on a plucky face before taking off. Effing Charlie.
At Hilda's Beautilities, a blinged-out Gina Gambarro is bragging about how she's now Mrs. Dr. Goldfarb. Apparently she's now loaded and clad in the finest designer labels. She and Hilda trade barbs. As it turns out, Hilda is a really good manicurist and Gina wants to come back later and have her do her feet. Is there any way to manicure on a bunion? Hilda is not pleased.
At Mode, Betty returns to her desk to find Renee futzing with Daniel's schedule -- the schedule that Betty has so carefully constructed using a system of colored post-it notes. Betty asks her to step off. Renee will not step off. There is a lot of toggling of post-it notes, and a schedule book tug of war leads to the whole thing being destroyed. Amidst a confetti of sticky reminders, Daniel enters. Betty tells him that she tried to exercise patience, but when it comes to the office, it's Renee or her. She stomps off, and Daniel asks what the hell that was about. Renee says it's obvious -- Betty in love with him. Daniel looks at an angry Betty and appears dumb enough to believe this. Oh, lord.
Renee can't believe that it's never occurred to Daniel that Betty is in love with him. After all, she follows him around, hanging on his every word. That is pretty much an assistant's job description, so Daniel isn't too concerned. Renee tells Daniel how powerful and sexy he is, but it's really just a ploy to get him to admit that he's banged plenty of assistants past. Renee tells Daniel to be careful, and to ask himself if there's something he might have said to lead Betty on. Daniel recalls telling Betty that he loved her when she scheduled his nap and, like the fiddlehead that he is, panics. This whole line of specious reasoning wouldn't have worked so well on someone who didn't think they were God's gift.
Meanwhile, Betty talks to Christina about how weird Renee is. Christina explains that it's been hard going snooping-wise since Wili threw out the baby monitor. She'll try, though, as long as Betty can get some info from Daniel.
Meanwhile, Renee angrily meets Wili at La Brulee. She says it's just like Wili to choose this place, after all Renee went through there. Wili plays dumb, and Renee glares at her. Wili "suddenly" "realizes" that it was Gregory's favorite restaurant. Oh Gregory from Stony Brook Farm. We shall soon learn more about this. Wili convinces Renee to sit down then apologizes for interfering with her and Daniel. However, she says, she was just trying to protect Renee since Daniel is a notorious and indiscriminate cheater. Renee thinks that Wili wants to be starting something. Mama-say mama-sah ma-ma-coo-sah, indeed. But Wili says that Daniel has changed with Renee, and there's no reason for her to be worried or...jealous. She wants to toast Renee's joyous future and say goodbye to all the awful memories of Gregory Larson. At this moment a waiter comes to wish Renee happy birthday with a piece of cake -- upon which are FIVE CANDLES! Wili says he must have the wrong person, and Renee just mumbles, "No candles," and hightails it out of the restaurant. After she's gone, Wili slips the waiter some cash. That's how she rolls, especially if you share her DNA.
Meanwhile, as Daniel attempts to nap, Betty comes in and pulls the curtains. Seductively. Well, as seductively as Betty can do anything. She gives him a massage, climbs on top of him, and says she wants him. And of course, Daniel is dozing off. In a meeting. Betty is to him and saves his butt. But doesn't touch it! Because she really doesn't want to touch it. When everyone leaves, Betty says that she wants to talk to Daniel about something personal -- in fact, about relationships. Daniel says he needs a second and runs out of the room.
Back at her place, Wili and Marc laud the success of their plan. Marc jokes that it's so sad Gucci doesn't make straightjackets, and Wili snaps that she gets no joy out of this. On second thought, she gets a little joy but it's tempered with sadness. Marc begins to say that at least she's not guilty of murder, and Wili scolds him. He is not to say the "m" word and Renee in the same breath. But, since the coast is clear, he gets to let out an exaggerated, "Muuuurdeeeeer!" just once. As it happens, Christina is listening through the vents and can hear every word. Especially that one.
At Mode, Alexis chides Daniel for falling asleep in a meeting, then reminds him how important the upcoming Christian Siriano meeting is -- they're competing with a bunch of other mags to get his designs in their September issue. Alexis says he's kind of a diva, and tells Daniel to do his best. Daniel is linty, but Betty is at the ready with a lint roller. She tries to take the opportunity to chat with him about Renee as she lint-rolls his pantlegs. That is a little intimate, isn't it? Daniel quickly asks about Henry, and Betty says with all the work they've been doing she hasn't seen him much -- it's like Daniel is her boyfriend now. Daniel, with his non-matching fuchsia tie and pocket handkerchief, panics.
He hightails it to the reception desk, where he asks Amanda what to do if someone has a crush on you and it affects your ability to do work. Amanda, of course, thinks someone has a crush on her. When Daniel explains that he's talking about a crush on him, Amanda confesses to thinking about all of her exes in the shower sometimes. When he says he's talking about Betty, Amanda does acknowledge that she and Henry are on the rocks. She tells Daniel that when he's letting someone down, he should be sensitive to their feelings -- something he didn't always do with her. It's hard to feel too bad for her at this moment given her copious amounts of nude lipstick. She adds that she always saw Betty with Gio, since he's obviously totally in love with her. Henry overhears, and we're off.
And then Hilda's at Mode! She's raiding the closet, because she wants to stick it to Gina Gambarro. Or at least look good as she's pumicing her feet. Betty tries to convince Hilda that a loving son and family are more valuable than material goods and marrying for money. Hilda agrees, but still wants to make her jealous. When Betty is mildly judgey, Hilda is all, "Try telling your boyfriend and his baby mama how you're chatting it up with the sandwich guy who's totally in love with you, as evidenced by the extra pastrami." She leaves, and Christina calls. Christina has busted into Wili's files, because she wants to find evidence regarding Renee and the "m" word. And not the "m" word that you do in the privacy of your own bedroom or bathtub or seemingly empty stairwell or, if you really want to go there in a trench coat, a public library. Murder!
Suddenly, we are in the land of sandwiches. Yes, Henry is visiting Gio's deli. He tells Gio to stay away from Betty. He has four weeks with Betty, and doesn't need to hear that Gio is always around with his little crush. Gio doesn't know where he's getting this whole "crush" thing. Henry tells Gio to stay away from her and turns to go. And that's when Gio says he gets it -- Henry wants to fight. Allow me to assure you that Henry does not want to fight. But in Gio's neighborhood, he says, when a man says something like that, you fight. He tells Henry to take the first punch. Henry doesn't want to do it, but when Gio makes a punching motion, he does, and knocks Gio to the wall! Gio holds his nose and admits he was just trying to scare Henry. But as it happens, Henry can really throw a punch. As Gio holds a cold bottle to his nose, Henry admits that he's stuck trying to be a good boyfriend and a good father-to-be. He's scared he's going to lose Betty. Gio asks why, if Henry has four weeks with Betty, he's there wasting his time.
Gio calls Betty with the news of Henry's punch, but she dismisses him quickly since she's helping Christina to snoop. Turns out Wili has files on almost everyone -- including Madonna, Trent Lott, and George Clooney! And then a big file on Ryan Seacrest. Christina says, "I don't know why she's sitting on that. Someone should take him down." And how. But then Betty finds it -- a folder on "Rhonda Slater." Lest you forget, that's Renee's real name. Oh, Rhonda and Wanda. How much you've grown. They find an article entitled, "Stony Brook Professor Dies in Fire." Make that Professor Greg Larson! He died in a house fire, and arson was suspected. As Christina muses on the arson/Larson rhyme, Betty finds a lovey-looking photo of Renee and Larson. This is getting good!
And it's about to get even better. Alexis has a brief tete-a-tete with none other than Nina Garcia, who confirms that Christian Siriano likes to make an entrance -- winning Project Runway has gone to his head. Hey, good to see that Nina is still getting some work, huh? Christina enters with a bevy of models behind him and says, "The House of Siriano has arrived. Worship me, bitches." Isn't it charming how at ease he is making a caricature of himself? Daniel tries to impress Christian with his use of the word "fierce," but Christian tells him it's over. Alexis steps in, and Christian calls her both "Ferocia" and a hot tranny mess, minus the mess. Truer words. Christian has his models walk, and Amanda tries unsuccessfully to get in on the action. And then Renee enters, demanding to know what's going on. Daniel is all, "I'm in a meeting, nutbag." But Renee demands to know if the models are his whores, and if Nina is his slut. Don't bore Nina, Renee. She says that she won't lose him without a fight. Christian thinks that works.
Back at Wili's, Christina and Betty discover commitment papers. But not for a gay wedding. Which, really, is kind of a twist on this show. They're for a mental institution -- turns out Renee was involuntary committed for six years.
Back at Mode, Daniel asks what Renee's doing. The answer: having a jealous fit. He tells her again that there are no other women. His cell phone rings and she grabs it and smashes on the ground. She exits yelling that there had better not be any other women, or she swears to God she'll kill him. This is why you wait two years before asking someone to move in with you. Nonetheless, Christian, saying that sometimes there's no other word, thinks she's fierce. Daniel picks up the phone and calls Wili. He acknowledges that she tried to warn him, and that he's now afraid that Renee might try to hurt someone. Wili whispers to Marc to call Dr. Remus -- Daniel might be able to help him get over his commitment issues.
Meanwhile, Christina and Betty are reading Renee's commitment papers and the words, "Paranoia! Jealousy! Anger! Pyromania!" stick out. NO CANDLES! They put it together that pyromaniac Renee murdered her boyfriend. This does not bode well for Daniel, does it? Although, I think another near-death experience might actually be good for him.
Betty calls Mode and tells Amanda she needs to talk to Daniel. Amanda gives her a hard time, per usual, but then tells her that Daniel went home after the huge fight he had with Renee in the middle of the Christian Siriano meeting. Everyone's talking about it, and even Amanda, who is all for an appropriate level of boyfriend stalking, thinks Renee's crazy. Betty rushes off to try to find Daniel.
At Hilda's Beautilities, Hilda comes out in her borrowed designer wear, which as it turns out is a little flashy for Gina Gambarro's taste. Gina has Hilda take her Prada shoes to work on her toes and Hilda, knowing a Prada when she sees it, calls it out as a fake. And that's not all that's fake on Gina -- fake-ass hair, fake-ass clothes -- Hilda bets she isn't even married. Turns out she is -- to a chiropractor! Not even a real doctor, according to Hilda. Really? Should we be letting these people crack all of our spinal bits, then? But Dr. Chiropractor is a big Gina Gambarro lover, and as he walks her out he tells Hilda that if she gets her kicks out of making his wife feel bad, her life must be pretty sad. Right now, Hilda's life feels sad even to Hilda.
Okay, Dr. (Uncle) Remus' office! Dr. Remus explains that Renee has borderline personality disorder. Without medication, she'll fixate on a person and become extremely jealous if she thinks she's losing her hold on them. That can manifest itself in violence, particularly setting of fires. Daniel knows about Larson, though Dr. Remus. is not quick to call it murder. Daniel can't believe that Renee would want to kill him. Dr. Remus. says that technically Daniel is right. Renee focuses her anger on a "gatekeeper" -- someone she thinks is keeping her from her lover. Wili's all, "Whatever, lock the bitch up." But Dr. Remus continues. Turns out Renee was convinced that Larson's secretary was in love with him, so set a fire to try to trap her. That Larson got trapped in it was simply bad luck. As long as Renee isn't worried about another woman, says Dr. Remus, Daniel should be fine. Daniel gets the, "Oh, shit," look. Again.
Cut to Betty rushing to Daniel's place. The door opens. There are candles lit everywhere. Run, Betty, run! She calls out for Daniel, but it's Renee who emerges. She says she wanted to spend a special night with Daniel, but here Betty is once again, getting in between them. Betty looks pretty terrified. As you do when faced with a paranoid pyromaniac. Renee carries a lighter and says she isn't going to let Betty have Daniel. She sees how Betty looks at him, and how she talks to him. Betty says she talks to him like, "Hi Daniel! It's Betty!" With a concave amount of sexual overtones. Betty tries to explain that answering phones and making appointments is what assistants do, and as Renee chews on this Betty tries to make a break for it. Even with her sensible shoes, she can't outrun Renee. Renee yells that Daniel sleeps with his assistants, and angrily knocks over a candle. Betty is all, "Look at me! We are totally not doing it!" Plus, she has a boyfriend whom she loves. And she's only spending days and nights with Daniel because it's such a busy time. And because there are some things she doesn't want to talk to Henry about. Renee says that Betty is a liar. Betty starts to explain the whole Henry/Gio thing, presumably to put Renee to sleep. Her cell phone rings -- it's Daniel. Betty screams for help and says that she's at Daniel's place before Renee grabs the phone and hangs it up.
Daniel, meanwhile, is in a limo with Wili and Marc. He explains the situation, and tells the driver to hoof it. Marc says that, though he hopes it doesn't come to this, he knows some very good people who would love to be Daniel's assistant. He is a master of timing.
Back at Daniel's apartment, Betty tries to talk Renee out of her jealousy. This second round of boredom inducing tactics doesn't work either, and Renee grabs a knife. Betty tries to counter her with a candle snuffer, to no avail. And then a curtain goes up in flames. Betty tries to convince Renee that they need to get out of there, but Renee is still fixated on how Betty will never get Daniel. As the flames continue to engulf the apartment, Betty tells Renee that she doesn't want Daniel, and that Daniel loves Renee. This seems to get through to Renee a little. Betty continues on this line, and tells her that what's real -- as opposed to what crazy-ass fat burning pill Renee thinks is reality -- is that Daniel loves her. Renee tears up and says she doesn't know what's wrong with her, but nothing makes sense anymore. Betty throws away the knife and tries to lead Renee out of the apartment, but the flames are everywhere.
Daniel, Wili and Marc arrive in the hallway, and Daniel busts down the door, which has been bolted from the inside. Once it's open, he sees Betty, wielding a fire extinguisher. She looks at him and deadpans, "You don't pay me enough." It's truer now than ever before.
Outside the apartment, there are sirens. Renee apologizes to Daniel, and says she thought she was getting better. He is sorry, too. She mouths that she's sorry to Betty. Marc tells Wili he knows this must be hard. She tells him not to speak -- they chose their side, and it's over. Wili walks off with Renee and the police escort, telling her that they're going to get her the help she needs. Daniel watches them go. He sits beside Betty, both of them in stunned silence.
Once back at Casa de Suarez, Hilda gives Betty a trim as she recounts the whole ordeal to her family. Ignacio is concerned that Betty was locked in a fiery building with a crazy lady, but Betty admits to sort of understanding Renee. She tells Ignacio that she's doing fine. And she has to go to work. Turns out Daniel tried to give her the day off, but she refused. She figures Daniel will really need a friend today. Hilda gives Betty the clothes she borrowed from Mode, and tells her how the plan to show up Gina Gambarro went astray. She and her Dr. Chiropractor seem really in love, and Hilda wishes she had that. What Hilda DOES have are ever-bigger knockers. For every month of the writers' strike they grew like Pinocchio's nose. Betty says that Gina might be in love, but she's still trash. She always knows what to say to make Hilda feel better.
At the office, Betty asks Daniel if he's okay. He's okay if she's okay. She chats him up, and tells him that he'll find someone worthy of him. Daniel really loved Renee. He then notes that Amanda said he needed to be more sensitive, so he's not going to talk about this in front of Betty. Betty asks what he means. Yes, the doofus still thinks that Betty has a crush on him. She totally makes fun of him, then goes to talk to Henry. She doesn't want him to be jealous of Gio, because she only loves him. Henry tells Betty she can be friends with whomever she wants -- he's just glad she's okay. They lip lock as Daniel looks on and feels sorry for himself. He totally wishes Betty actually had a crush on him right now.
week: Babies, babies everywhere!