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It's two weeks since Daniel's been publicly dumped by Sofia, and everyone thinks that he's making the rounds in Rio. However, Betty, fresh off her shift as chip girl at the burrito place, discovers the truth: he's been holed up in his pit of an apartment eating takeout and curling up in the fetal position. He cleans himself up and comes back to Mode, with Betty in tow as co-assistant to the editor in chief, along with Amanda. And speaking of Amanda, she has quite unfortunately fallen on the "out" side of the staffing board that accompanies Wilhelmina's (and, by proxy, Bandage Lady's) grand takeover scheme. Marc suggests that Amanda prove her loyalty to the dragon lady, and she does so by sabotaging a date between Daniel and supermodel Giselle that Betty set up to generate some good publicity. But Betty saves the day by showing up and having dinner with Daniel herself, which I'm sure provided much blog fodder in the alternate Betty universe. Betty and Daniel get chased by paparazzi and then share some good times as they bond over pizza, karaoke, and Brooklyn. There is some talk of Henry, which makes Betty smile. Meanwhile, Hilda is obsessed with cupcakes, and Bandage Lady is revealed to be Alex Meade, freshly sex changed. And seriously, Rebecca Romijn is really believably post-op when you look closely. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: through some accidental sleuthing, Betty discovered that Sofia was totally playing Daniel for a publicity stunt. Then Daniel and the rest of the world discovered that same fact on-air. So, you know, the engagement's off. Wilhelmina and the Bandage Lady made plans to take over Meade enterprises sooner rather than later, and Betty quit her job at MYW on account of how Sofia is such a shady skank. And then Daniel disappeared!
We enter on mariachi music playing as Betty sits at a restaurant table with Igancio and Justin. There is a sombrero-like device full of chips and salsa in front of them. Ignacio says he knows that Betty is upset about leaving her big New York job, but that she has to eat something. Betty rues the day she took the position at Sofia's stupid magazine, and wishes she had stayed at Mode. Justin agrees; he misses the swag. I love that kid. Hilda comes in looking upset and sits down at the table, asking if there's a sign on her forehead that reads, "Crap here." That would explain some stuff. She explains that there's been an Herbalux recall, and complains that it's just because some housewives in Secaucus lost all their hair. Ignacio asks why they don't just change the ingredients in their shampoo, and Hilda says that the housewives were using the hand cream. It's like that time that spinach in a bag killed people. In any case, the FDA is recalling the whole line, which means that Hilda is out of a job. Justin helpfully suggests that Oprah could adopt them. The 'prah would actually probably totally love that. She'd be all, "Take THAT, Homewrecker Jolie." Ignacio says, with some concern, that he uses that hand cream. And that's why his knuckles are so smooth and hairless. Hilda wonders what she will do. She has bills, bills, bills, car payments, and two handfuls of nails to pay for. Betty starts to empathize with a story that begins, "When I left Mode..." but Hilda cuts her off, saying that it's totally different: Herbalux is all Hilda has, whereas Betty already has another job. And then, it happens. A guy comes over and tells Betty to get moving, because Table 4 wants their chips. Betty picks up the chip-filled sombrero and puts it on her head, sarcastically saying that she forgets just how lucky she is. Okay, is it just me, or is having a sombrero full of chips that has been (a) picked over by the waitress's family, and (b) sitting on the waitress's non-Herbaluxed head kind of unsanitary? And also, how sad is it that the green turtleneck under white peasant blouse seems like it could just be part of Betty's normal wardrobe?
And speaking of someone who could stand to eat some chips, we cut to Wilhelmina and the Bandage Lady sitting in two white chaise longues. (Does any evil person on this show sit in an actual chair?) A tough-looking guy tells them that he has emails, voicemails, phone records, and the location of the red car -- everything that's required to put Bradford Meade away for the death of Fey Sommers. What he wants is a cool Dr. Evil-style $1,000,000. Bandage Lady asks if she looks like she's made of money. Have I mentioned that her head wrapping has Ben Franklin all over it? The tough guy says that the fee is non-negotiable, and that they have twenty-four hours. After he leaves, Bandage Lady notes that he leaves a bit of a stench. Well, she's the one with the weeping sores. Wilhelmina sprays a little perfume and notes that he does have what they're looking for. Bandage Lady says that once she hands over the money, they have to be prepared for an immediate takeover. She says that Wilhelmina could be Editor-in-Chief as soon as Monday, and if there's anyone at Mode that she doesn't trust, she needs to fumigate. Or atomize, maybe? That sounds more dramatic. Wilhelmina sprays her perfume again and cackles. Would that she only had a handlebar moustache to twist.
Back at the Mexican restaurant, Hilda watches footage of the Herbalux scandal. A woman on the news says that she's supposed to get married soon, and then whips off a head wrap to reveal her bald self. Hilda yells at the TV that if someone was going to marry the lady with that nose, the bald head shouldn't make such a difference. Betty, in her chip sombrero, comes over to serve Hilda, saying that she doesn't think Hilda needs another margarita. Hilda says that she's done, and that they should go home, and asks if Betty will help her to fake a résumé. Betty says that she was planning on going to the city: Daniel is coming home from Rio the day, and Betty wants to stock his fridge and pick up his dry cleaning. Awww. Hilda asks why Betty would do that when she's not his assistant anymore. I suspected it was because she was angling to get her job back, but Betty actually just feels guilty about her part in the whole Sofia mess. She says that if she hadn't pushed Daniel to propose, none of this would have happened; she wants to make his homecoming a little easier. Hilda says that Betty is a good person, before noting that she has a chip in her hair. And you know what you shouldn't do when you have a chip-filled sombrero on your head? Look down.
Back at Mode, Marc is snapping Polaroids of everyone around the office.
Later, Marc and Wilhelmina stand in front of a board in her office that is clearly divided into two columns, with accompanying photos pinned in each. One person with a great eye for vintage will stay, Wilhelmina decrees. Marc tells Wilhelmina that when she moves into Daniel's office, he's not sitting in Betty's chair: "This bum don't slum." Wilhelmina, who can't resist an easy one when the opportunity arises (much like myself), says that's not what she heard. Christina's name comes up: Wilhelmina says she does need a talented seamstress, but can't understand a word Christina's saying. Marc pipes up with an "'ave a crumpet, guvnah!," which I totally appreciate. Wilhelmina says that Christina is the only person in the world who knows her real measurements, and ends up putting her right in the middle as a question mark. At the photo, Wilhelmina says, "Auf wiedersehn, Amanda." Marc balks a little at this; Wili notes that Amanda's Daniel's girl, but what has she ever done for Wilhelmina? Probably not the same things she's done for Daniel, though that would be totally hot. Wili tells Marc it's cute that he's going to miss his little beard, before giving Amanda a resounding no. Marc says that Daniel broke Amanda's heart, and that she has no loyalty to him -- she's just working her way up the ladder. Wilhelmina says that until Amanda proves her loyalty to Wilhelmina, Amanda's out. Marc pushes a button, and Wilhelmina's wall of evil flips around like a bookshelf in Clue.
And then there is Kathy Griffin on Fashion TV! Say what you will, but I enjoy me some Kathy Griffin. ["No argument here; she's awesome." -- Wing Chun] I mean..."Gay-ken." Kathy says, "And speaking of disasters...it's time for our daily dose of Daniel." She goes on to say that there's been no sign of the recently dumped Daniel, but rumor has it that he's in Brazil licking his wounds, "and anything else that walks by." That's a lot of sunblock for one tongue to take. The shot pans back from a TV in a bedroom, where a figure appears to be eating takeout. As soon as Kathy mentions Sofia, the TV clicks off and we see that it's Daniel who is eating takeout in his own bedroom, which is now a filth-pit. He also appears to be wearing a bathrobe, sweatpants, and socks with Tevas. That is a sure sign that someone is either (a) a dirty hippie; or (b) bereft of the will to live. He also has a bit of scruff around his face, though I have to say that it's not very impressive for a two-week shaving hiatus. I would have suspected greater virility from Daniel Meade. There is a noise which startles him out of his Chinese-food coma, and we see that it's Betty in the front hallway with flowers and dry cleaning, wondering what died in there. Daniel panics and runs into a closet.
Betty enters the room and is taken aback by the mess. She then hears a noise coming from the closet and gets a bit of a concerned look. She fumbles in her bag, and, in total genius fashion, takes out her rape whistle. Ha! she'll make a fist with her keys poking out. Go straight for the eyes! Betty puts the whistle in her mouth and grabs a tennis racket for a weapon, as if she's going to ref someone to death. She whips open the door and blows the whistle before realizing that it's Daniel. She sarcastically asks how Rio is. Daniel says "Es bueno," and Betty looks at him like he's crazy. ["Probably because they speak Portuguese there, not Spanish." -- Wing Chun]
When we return from the commercials, Betty -- cleaning up the mess in the bedroom, because that's how she is -- reads Daniel the riot act. She says that she can't believe he never went to Rio, because he sent her postcards almost every day telling her the weather was beautiful and that he was doing great and that he had to go because it was lambada time. And really, it's too bad that he didn't go to Rio, because there's nothing to mend a broken heart like the forbidden dance. Daniel asks if she'd rather he wrote the truth: he was curled up under his bed in the fetal position. Awww. Betty says that no one cares what happened. She knows that Daniel's in pain, but he can't hide from the world forever, particularly because week is Fashion Week. Daniel gets a tender tone in his voice, and says,"Look at you." Five weeks ago, Betty thought Cavalli was a kind of pasta, and here she is talking about Fashion Week. Betty has to remind him that he didn't know dick about fashion either, and he admits that they've both come a long way. He asks Betty how things are at MYW, and whether she's learning a lot from She Who Shall Not Be Named. Betty says that she couldn't work for Sofia after what she did to Daniel, so she quit. Daniel gives Betty a grateful high five, and says that maybe when he goes back to Mode, Betty can come with him. Well, duh. Betty is excited, but notes that he already has an assistant. Daniel says that he'll handle Amanda, and that, as Editor-in-Chief, he can have two assistants. He offers up a hand once again, and Betty, as one would expect, does not leave him hanging.
, it is morning at the Suarez house. Ignacio is in the kitchen making his famous cupcakes, which are a kiss-butt present for Justin's teacher. Oh, that Justin. He yells to Hilda to ask if she's driving him today or what, and she comes out in a robe saying that she has four interviews today and needs to know which of two whorish tops she should wear. Justin says that he's taking the bus. Way to get out before the Oedipal issues develop. Hilda turns to Betty and Ignacio for help. Betty unconvincingly says that they're both nice. And really, would you turn to Betty for fashion advice anyway? Ignacio says that Hilda has intelligence and ambition and doesn't need to resort to cheap tactics. She tells him to look at her résumé, which is half a page long, and includes her elementary school under "education," as well as her job as primary skewer girl at New Haven's famous "Zucchini on a Skewer" restaurant. Under activities, it lists, "Manicures. Shopping. Mother." Betty and Ignacio take one look and suggest the purple top, which causes Hilda to disrobe right in the middle of the living room. Ignacio shields his eyes and says, "Father in the room!" For reals, man. Hilda asks Betty whether they've filled her position at Burrito King yet. Betty tells Hilda that she's way too good to be the chip chick. Hilda says that Betty must be excited to go back to Mode, and Betty says she is. She says she missed it so much -- the excitement, the people. And at this, she finally realizes that she only actually missed Christina. Hilda mentions Henry, and Betty says that they haven't spoken since the Christmas party. Hilda says that it's probably for the best, since Henry is probably one of those "Wall Street types," with $100 haircuts, dating ten girls at once. Betty says that's not Henry. Hilda brings up Walter, saying that he's a guy you could settle down with. Yeah, if you were totally self-hating and lacked any confidence. I'm just saying. Betty asks how she knows if she's settling down or just settling before pointing out that Hilda's nipple is exposed. Hilda says that she knows. Yeah, I don't know if Hilda is the right person to talk to about settling.
We cut to a very orange Daniel walking down the street to work, and seeing his and Sofia's faces plastered everywhere in advertisement for the premiere issue of MYW. Ouch. First the self-tanning incident, and now this. A random woman on the street even pats him on the back and says that she's sorry. Betty comes up behind him and sees the posters. Daniel says that he doesn't know if he can do this. He asks what will happen if he runs into Sofia at work. Betty cheerily says that it'll suck and be weird and that she'll be there if he needs her, and tells him to come on. Betty should be a breakup consultant for the world. She then asks if they can discuss Daniel's Cheeto tan. He says that he was supposed to be in Rio, and she counters that he looks like an Oompa Loompa. Well, at least he's in good company.
Cut to Betty and Daniel walking up the thirty flights of stairs to the Mode offices. Daniel says that it's not about avoiding Sofia, it's about getting their hearts pumping. Betty is all, "Cracker, I know I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, but this is totally assistant abuse."
Cut to Wilhelmina taking a tape measure to Daniel's office. Amanda stands up fussily and checks to make sure Wilhelmina knows that Daniel's coming back. Wili says that it's been two weeks and no one's heard from him, and that if there's going to be a new issue on the stand month, someone has to be Editor-in-Chief. Marc comes rushing in yelling, "Ca-caw! Ca-caw!" and flapping his arms. He slyly notes to a puzzled Wilhelmina that it's their secret bird code. Wilhelmina asks what secret bird code, and Marc realizes that that was a code he shared with someone else, and says that Daniel's back. Wilhelmina and Amanda are both taken aback -- one with excitement, and the other with nefarious evildoing. They all rush out to meet Daniel, oohing and ahing. He hugs Wili and leaves orange handprints on the back of her white suit. Classy! Wili tells him he has a fabulous tan, Marc asks if he got something done, and Amanda asks what he brought them back from Brazil. Aww, those three. On cue, Betty pops in and says, "Surprise!" Marc whispers to Amanda that they should hit it with a bat and see if candy falls out. Maybe a couple of braces if they're lucky.
Cut to Daniel explaining to Amanda and Betty their new co-assistantship. Amanda asks if she's in charge, and Daniel says that it's more like a partnership: when one person is busy, the other can pick up the slack. Amanda interprets this as confirmation that she is in charge, asking Daniel if he wants to go over his messages. He says he will in five minutes, and that he'd love a coffee and a bagel. Amanda, in charge in her own mind if nowhere else, delegates this to Betty.
Cut to Hilda getting doors slammed in her face all over Queens. She can't even get a job as chip chick. Awww. She returns home and listens to the answering machine, which includes one message from Justin's teacher, saying that the cupcakes were amazing and that she'd pay money for them. The wheels in Hilda's brain and cleavage start turning simultaneously.
Back at the office, Amanda has sorted Daniel's mail into three piles: people who are kissing his ass, people whose ass he should be kissing, and people with huge asses. Ha! She then starts to give him his periodicals before realizing that they all contain stories about him being dumped. She stomps off to go fire the mailroom, and Daniel picks one of the magazines out of the trash and gets all sad. On cue, Betty comes in and sees what's going down. She tells Daniel that the underside of his desk is roomy and fetal position-appropriate. He says that he's fine. Betty, getting all chipper, says that there's a swimsuit casting at 10, and that she's sure he'll want to go. He says that Wilhelmina will take it, and Betty is shocked: "Hotties! Big boobs!" to up the ante, but Daniel just asks Betty never to say "boobs" again. He says that he's been gone for a few weeks, and has a lot to catch up on. When Betty leaves, he goes back to reading all about how pathetic he is.
Betty goes to Amanda and says that Daniel's in so much pain. Amanda snottily says that he's fine. Betty says that he's not, and that they have to get him back on the horse. Amanda tells Betty to trust her that Daniel's been riding every horse in Rio for the past two weeks. Betty says that they need to boost Daniel's confidence. Amanda says that Daniel doesn't have a confidence problem, though there was one time when he was really drunk... Betty wisely cuts her off as she gets another one of her brilliant ideas. She tells Amanda to put an 8 PM appointment on Daniel's schedule for the night: she's going to get him another horse to ride. She comes back saying that that didn't sound as dirty in her head. Oh yes it did, my little Bettina. Commercials.
When we return, Betty and Christina scheme. Betty says that fixing Daniel up with someone like Jennifer Aniston would be amazing. And really, I am totally an Aniston sympathizer, so for a minute I was all excited that maybe Jen would find some happiness. And then I remembered that this is a TV show, and thus she won't be able to ride down the aisle on a unicorn at her wedding to Daniel. Christina says that fixing Daniel up isn't in Betty's job description. Betty says that she knows, but that she still feels so guilty. She then muses, "What about Tara Reid?" Christina: "Dinner with Tara Reid, breakfast at the free clinic." Oh, poor Tara Reid. That was a little bit of a cheap shot. Would it have killed them to make it Paris Hilton? But also, no one likes herpes. Betty says that she'd love to get Gisele to go on a date with Daniel. Christina tells her to make it happen. Betty notes that she and Gisele don't exactly go to the same Laundromat (and if they did, Gisele could fit a whole lot more clothes per load), and Christina tells her to call up Gisele's representative and set up a dinner date. Betty is amazed that celebrities do such things, and Christina asks if Betty thought Tom and Katie met at church. Again with the low-hanging fruit! No pun intended. Betty notices a mannequin dressed in a lovely outfit. She says that it's beautiful, and asks who made it. Christina says that it was the sewing mice, who are very talented. Wouldn't it be awesome if the plague spread through Mode? But Betty realizes that it's one of Christina's own designs. Christina is pleased at Betty's compliments, and says that she's submitting it for consideration in the Mode "Designers to Watch" show at Fashion Week. Betty is excited, and says that this will be the start of Christina's amazing career, but Christina says that she enters every year and is one of thousands of applicants. And the judge? Wilhelmina. Yeah, you can guess how that would go. Betty says that Wilhelmina will die eventually, and Christina deadpans, "No, she won't." Heh.
Cut to telenovela time at the Suarez house. As Ignacio is chillin' on the La-Z Boy, Hilda comes running in all excited. Ignacio asks if she got a job, and she says that, even better, she's got her own company: Grandma Suarez's Cupcakes. She took Ignacio's cupcakes to the Roosevelt Diner, and they want 100 by 5 AM the day. Hilda says that she can be like Mrs. Fields with flava. She drags Ignacio out to get to work, and he complains that he was watching his stories. Ha! He should be drinking a big glass of prune juice, too, and changing his Depends.
Back at Mode, Betty comes in to find a little cart with wheels that Amanda has designated as her desk. Amanda notes that it matches Betty's muumuu, and that she can sell pretzels from it during her break. Heh. She then pushes Betty -- desk and all -- right into Bradford, who asks where Daniel is, pushing her back. Bradford enters Daniel's office and asks how Brazil was, adding that it's considerate of Daniel to come back for Fashion Week, given that he's Editor-In-Chief of a fashion magazine. And seriously...good point. I mean, I've had horrible breakups too, but I still had to go to work every day. I cried and sent pathetic emails the whole time I was there, but at least I clocked in, you know? Bradford says that after all of Daniel's bad press, he needs to be out there. He also tells Daniel that the time he disappears for two weeks, he might think about giving his mother a call, and then twists the guilt knife a little further by reminding Daniel that Claire's lost one son already. I'm sure Mrs. Meade is swimming around in a giant martini glass somewhere and is getting along just fine.
Meanwhile, Betty has had success getting Daniel a date with Gisele! They're meeting at 8:00 PM at the Front Street Café in Brooklyn Heights. Amanda looks on, dagger-eyed, and then grabs a handful of jelly beans and tells Marc that the stumpy little troll (Betty, not Gisele) is trying to upstage her. Marc tells her to wheel Betty's little cart right out the window. He then gets a hilariously evil look and says that, while she's at it, she might as well push Daniel out, too. Amanda asks why she'd do that, and Marc grabs her close and says that then she'll prove her loyalty to Wilhelmina. Amanda doesn't get it, so Marc shows her the wall. She gasps, and then notes that her hair looks terrible in the Polaroid before asking what the wall is all about. Marc says that something big is going down at Mode in the few days, and that, when it does, Wilhelmina will be in charge. And then some folks will be in, and some folks will be out. Amanda notes with anger and dismay that she's on the out list. Marc tells her that, to change that, she needs to screw over Daniel. Amanda says that she can't, because Daniel gave her the job and it's a great opportunity and a real stepping stone for her. Marc says that it's a stepping stone to the unemployment line. Well, Amanda would work it in any case. Marc tells her to prove her loyalty to the queen. Amanda says, "You?" and Marc says, "No, you dumb ass, Wilhelmina." I might have added the "dumb ass" bit.
Meanwhile, Daniel is a bit flummoxed to find out that he'll be going on a date with Gisele. Betty tells him that if they become a big power couple, they'll be called Gisaniel. Daniel says that he's not ready, but Betty tells him that a nice date will remind him what a catch he is. She also tells him to picture it (Sicily, 1923) -- he and Gisele will be out, someone will tip off the paparazzi, and everyone will see the new, confident Daniel Meade on the arm of a supermodel. Really, it's a good plan. Then she adds the kicker: maybe Sofia will see the photos. Daniel is all over that. Betty says that they have to get him a new shirt first, because he's a little orange around the collar.
Amanda, of course, has been listening outside the door the whole time. She tells Marc she can't believe Daniel has been asking Betty for dating advice -- it's like asking Britney Spears for parenting tips. Okay, that's like extra low-hanging fruit, clad in no underwear. Marc says that Daniel will always take Betty's word over Amanda's. Amanda gets an evil look, and then says that if Marc wants to know what team she's on, she's on the team that's staying. She gets on the phone, calls Gisele's people, and tells them that Daniel won't be able to make it tonight. She quite evilly anticipates Wilhelmina's seeing the pictures in Page Six the day -- Daniel Meade stood up in front of the entire world. Ponder it all during commercials
When we return, Daniel is at the restaurant. He is shown to his chair, and paparazzi immediately start snapping. The host asks him if he'd like to get rid of them, but Daniel says no, and adds that his date is supermodel Gisele. The host just looks at him like he's a loser. Which, kind of, he is. The patrons of the restaurant start to look around at the empty chair across from Daniel.
Back at Grandma's Kitchen, Hilda has enlisted the help of poor, elderly Mrs. Li, and is barking orders at her and Ignacio. Betty comes into the cupcake-filled kitchen and says that she once had a dream like this. Justin says that he can't sift flour anymore; his hand hurts and he has homework. Hilda tells him that it's chemistry. Ignacio, wearing a mesh hairnet, pleads with Betty to help them, saying that he had an arm cramp an hour ago and Hilda told him to walk it off. Betty asks Hilda what's up, and when Hilda tells her about the Grandma Suarez scheme, Betty says that Hilda can't just run a business out of their kitchen: she needs stuff like permits and insurance. Hilda tells Betty that she's not the only one who can dream big, and that Betty might try supporting her for once. It would probably be easier if Hilda's schemes weren't so stupid. Meanwhile, Betty gets a call. It's Daniel, telling her that Gisele hasn't arrived yet. Betty tells him to calm down, and she'll make a call.
Cut to Daniel at the restaurant. A waiter asks if he can take the spare place setting, but Daniel won't let him. He pathetically repeats that his date is Gisele, the supermodel. The waiter looks at him like he's a sad case. Enter Betty, who goes right over to Daniel. The waiter wonders if Daniel knows what Gisele looks like. Betty tells Daniel that Gisele isn't coming. Daniel asks why Betty didn't just call him. She says that she didn't want Daniel to have to walk out alone, and adds that, for all the photographers know, he's just having dinner with his lovely assistant. Or...assistant. Lovely on the inside, I know, I know. Or, as Betty says, dinner with his adorable witty assistant to discuss her much-deserved raise. Those things are all true. Betty smiles big for the photographers and says that this is exciting.
Meanwhile, Marc and Amanda are engaged in a photo shoot of their own. She's flipping her hair and posing like a total sex kitten on Wili's chaise. Marc hands her the Polaroid and, with a glazed and crazy look in her eye, she puts herself on the "in" side of the wall. Marc tells her that she did the right thing.
Meanwhile, in the land of cute and awesome people, Betty and Daniel run to lose the paparazzi. Daniel says that they're all following the town car into the city, so their decoy worked. The only problem: now they don't have the town car. Oh, should we all have such problems. Betty says that they'll just hail a cab, but Daniel suggests that they walk, saying that he's not in any hurry to get back to an empty apartment. Betty gets a weird look before giving a chipper "Okay!" Turns out she also stashed all of her snails from dinner in her pocket, so Daniel offers to buy her a slice. Awww! The Adventures of Daniel and Betty in Brooklyn! I mean, it's so cute.
Back at Evil HQ, the voice of Bandage Lady conferences with Wilhelmina, asking if their smelly friend brought her the evidence. Wili has it on her desk. Bandage Lady says that now, all they need is someone to deliver it to the police -- someone who's not connected to Wilhelmina. Wili's eyes head toward the In or Out wall, and immediately focus on Christina, who is tacked smack in the middle. Okay, how does someone who fundamentally works for you count as being "not connected"? I'm just saying.
Cut to Christina, still fidgeting with her design. Wilhelmina approaches and says that she assumes that Christina's designs will end up on her desk again this year. Christina says that it doesn't hurt to apply. Wilhelmina says that, as much as she'd like to help Christina, there's only room for ten up-and-coming designers in the show. She then looks at the current design and calls it "interesting." Christina is a bit flattered, and says that she tried something different this year. Wili says that, last year, the lines were a bit too bohemian (Christina reminds her that her verbatim comment was "hippie hideous"). Wili quite unsubtly tells Christina not to be afraid of office politics, and that if she does favors for the right people, she just might get rewarded in the end. Oh my God, Wili totally wants Christina to give her a beej. Christina tells Wilhelmina to stop right there. She says she knows how Wilhelmina works, and that she'd rather make it on her own. Go, Christina! Wilhelmina says that Christina's stance is admirable and stupid, then twists the evil knife further by saying that it's too bad, because those were Christina's best designs yet. And then she takes a baseball bat and jams the knife in just as far as it will go by telling Christina that she's a wonderful seamstress. Christina looks wistfully at her designs -- which are pretty kicky and drawn in a very cool manner -- and the essence of evil creeps into her head. D'oh! Commercials.
In Brooklyn, meanwhile, there is pizza and karaoke. That's my dream night! Daniel is feeling sad about Sofia. Betty tells him that, in some ways he was pretty lucky. He opened his heart and was ready to make a commitment. She's envious, and wishes she knew what it felt like to have someone who makes you want to swim across the East River in January. Or, in Daniel's case, to pay someone to whisk you across in a gondola. Daniel starts to ask whether Betty has that with...and she fills in, "Walter." But Daniel means Henry. Betty says that Henry doesn't think of her in that way. Daniel is all, "I've seen him checking out your ass, girl." He says that Henry is into Betty. Which, of course, he is. But this moment is interrupted by Betty and Daniel getting called up to sing, much to Daniel's surprise. Betty says that it's half off dinner if you sing. Daniel says, "But I'm rich!" And now he is rich in Sonny and Cher, as he and Betty sing "I Got You Babe." Those are truly the best kinds of riches. The way in which Betty sings karaoke really breaks the previously set cute threshold. It's also remarkably lifelike in that no one in the place is paying the slightest bit of attention to them. When you see movies and stuff where the crowd is really into the karaoke performers, you know that the writer hasn't really done his or her research. We then transition to Amanda packing up her office with one final lingering look of guilt; Hilda rushing around in Casa de Suarez with cupcake boxes and covering a sleeping Justin on the couch; Bandage Lady's bandages being cut (eeeeeeeee!); and Christina pondering the good vs. evil debate raging in her own mind.
Eventually, we get back to Grandma Hilda. She proudly presents an asleep-while-mixing Ignacio with a check for $180, adding that the best part of the whole thing is that the Roosevelt Diner doubled its order for the day. Ignacio is all, "Bitch, let me tell you something about expenses." With ingredients, a new mixer, etc., they've so far lost $230. Hilda says that they're investing in their future, but Ignacio is plain tired. Hilda says that she'll do it herself. Ignacio tells her that if she believes she can do it, he believes she can do it, and then helpfully points out the oven. Something tells me a lot of people are going to get salmonella.
Meanwhile, Daniel and Betty are still walking home, and crossing what is possibly the Brooklyn Bridge (sorry, New Yorkers). Turns out they crashed a wedding reception to get free cake, and some bridesmaids for Daniel. Betty tells him to promise her that he'll call some blonde chick or she'll say "boobs" again. Heh. They stop to take in the view, and Daniel says that he's not used to seeing the city from across the river. Betty says that it's the only way she's even seen it, adding that it's almost as good as a blizzard -- when the city gets really quiet and everything kind of stops and sparkles. And then, Daniel totally gives her a look. And I mean A LOOK. If you get my drift. Which I hope you do because it makes me feel a little weird. Betty says that the time she can't sleep, she's coming to this bridge at 5 AM. Daniel tells her to call him, and then gives her ANOTHER LOOK. Eeek. But maybe it is a look of sadness, as he starts talking about his brother, who liked to party all night. Betty notes that Daniel doesn't talk about his brother much, and he says that's because he doesn't really think of Alex as being gone. Oh, I wonder why that is. Betty asks how he died, and Daniel says that he jumped out of a helicopter to ski down Mount Juno, because he found chairlifts tedious. That seems kind of dumb. Daniel says that at least Alex died the way he lived; if there wasn't risk involved, Alex wasn't into it. Daniel then asks Betty what's stopping her from going after Henry. She finally divulges that Henry kissed Erin at the holiday party. Daniel is all, "Girl, Erin is a ho": to her, kissing someone is like asking where her coat is. Betty says that it didn't seem like that to her, and Daniel tells her to stop making excuses. He then adds that she's better than any model. Betty smiles, and the two look across the bridge. Aww, cute! And also....eeeeek! Commercials.
Back at Casa de Suarez, Hilda still can't cook. Betty rolls in and tells Hilda about her night with Daniel. Hilda asks if Betty is insane to go on an all-night date with her boss, testily yelling that first Betty set her sights on some guy in Accounting, and now is going after someone whose wristwatch costs more than their house. More power to her, I say. Betty says that it wasn't a date, and that some people think it's okay for her to aim high. And then, cupcakes are burning. Hilda breaks down. She says that she's thirty and has no employable skills, and when everyone else went to college she had a kid. Betty asks what she's trying to say. Um, I think she's saying she's kind of sorry she got knocked up. Hilda says that Justin is the greatest thing that's ever happened to her, but sometimes she can't help wondering what her life would have been like if she'd never had him. And you know who hears this? Yeah. Justin. Betty tells her to stop, saying that Hilda is an amazing mother. Hilda asks how much that pays an hour. Ouch, that's cold. Plus, Justin is the greatest. Betty tells her that she's just going through a transition period, and that she's going to come out the other side better than ever. Hilda nods tearily.
Back at Mode, Amanda looks through the Post with a smirk. And what do we see? "Daniel Meade and Assistant Betty Suarez Dine at Brooklyn Hot-Spot" on the society page. With a really cute picture of Betty, no less. Foiled again!
In other Betty is Awesome news, Betty meets Daniel in the stairwell and forces him to confront his fear of running into Sofia and take the elevator. Daniel tells her not to be so smug, because he's not the only one who's avoiding someone. Betty says with a smile that she doesn't think she wants to avoid Henry anymore. And then, the elevator stops at floor 28. But some chick who is not Sofia gets in. All is well!
Except with the evil people. Christina goes to Wilhelmina's office, ready to deal. Wilhelmina hands Christina the package of evidence and tells her to drop it off at the nearest police station, anonymously. Uh oh.
Betty walks into her office to find her cart gone. Amanda explains that it doesn't matter whether Betty is on a chair or a stool or a mule (ha!) -- she's Daniel's only assistant. Daniel comes in and is surprised. Amanda says that the only thing she and Betty have in common is that they both want what's best for him. She asks for her old job back -- with a raise, of course. Daniel accepts, and Amanda goes off to physically assault the new phone receptionist.
Meanwhile, in the chamber of super-evil, Wili and the Un-Bandaged Lady are conferring. Wili says that the evidence is being delivered, and never to underestimate the power of ambition. She wheels out a mirror, and the Lady Formerly Known as Bandaged walks toward it, shedding her robe. Hey! Bandage Lady is Rebecca Romijn-Stamos-Just Romijn! Looking foxy, looking foxy. Wilhelmina tells RRSJR that it looks like her skiing accident really paid off...Alex Meade!!! Well THERE'S a twist for you! Alex/RRSJR says that it's Alexis now. Hey, just like Alexis Arquette! Awesome. They both cackle with evil glee as we fade.