South Carolina: Sherbourne Drive

MPDP wears a baseball jersey and some jeans with holes in them. I thought that look went out in the mid-1990s. She explains that she's in the oldest minor league ballpark in America, and then proceeds to torture some more baseball metaphors in introducing the homeowners.

Neal and Lena are having their dining room done. They also have a really cute dog. At first, I thought it was a black Lab, but then it looked more like a Weimeraner. But they are silver. And then I thought it was a Great Dane without the cropped ears. Like anyone other than me cares about these things. Kristen and Andrew are having their den redone. MPDP catches a fly ball and introduces Edward (without the ponytail!), Doug, and Carter. Boy, that Carter is purty. You know he's good-looking when Deborah -- who is not given to fangirl slobbering over cute boys like I am -- kept talking about it in last week's recap. I theorize that Ty asked for a pay raise, because he's all popular with the girls and stuff, and the producers were like, "Oh, yeah?" and brought in Carter and now Ty looks like Oldy McLeatherface while Carter looks like JFK Jr. Doug advises Carter (who is playing catcher) to put a mask on, and calls him "pretty-boy." Hee! Threatened much, Doug?

Lena and Neal describe their dining room as "awkward" because it's long and narrow, and designed to be two rooms. We get our first glimpse of the room, which is long and narrow as advertised. White walls, beige carpet, and a brick fireplace. Lena doesn't like the brick fireplace, because she thinks it's too dark, and she hates the mantel, which is just a brown wood shelf. It looks like there is paneling on the walls that has been painted. Neal says that they have seen some of Edward's work and were "pleasantly surprised." Lena hopes he makes their neighbors work really hard. I like how they ask what the homeowners think of the designers now. They didn't used to do that.

Now Kristen and Andrew's dog looks like a bloodhound. I'm just going to assume it's a mutt. Which I am all for. My dog is a mutt, too. Yay, mutts! Anyway. Kristen and Andrew hope that Doug turns their den into a room for the whole family. Kristen explains that they went with a baseball theme in the den, which they like, but that it's limiting. Their before room looks like Kia did it. It's got a baseball wallpaper border, which they must have searched high and low to find, and you have to wonder why. Then below the border, the wall is painted red, and there is baseball memorabilia all over. Andrew says that he's not a good interior decorator and that it shows in that room. Hee! At least he admits it. Kristen says she likes "deep, rich colors," but doesn't want the room to be too dark. She also doesn't think they are "ultra-modern," but they do like things updated, but not too trendy. What in the hell does that even mean? Andrew was excited to get Doug, because he's "the wild card," and since they don't like the room they have now, they don't care what Doug does to it. Kristen adds that they will either absolutely love it or absolutely hate it. So true. Good attitude to have, too.

Key Swap. Lena is carrying a tea kettle, and MPDP asks about it, pointing out that Kristen and Andrew probably have the means to boil water at their house, so she doesn't need to bring her own kettle. This leads to a discussion of how well they really know each other. Andrew says that if Lena takes her tea kettle, he and Kristen won't be able to boil water the morning. Lena hands over the tea kettle. As the teams scamper off, MPDP tells them not to step in the "dog doo." Longest Key Swap ever!

Lena and Neal greet Doug, who is musing about Stan Musial. Doug asks Lena and Neal what they want to do. Lena's and Neal's shirts look tie-dyed on my television. What's up with that? I think it's my cable. Lena and Neal say that the room needs to be kid- and dog-friendly. Doug says that it will be, and says that they will keep the dog bed where it is, on one end of the room, but that they will build a partition to block it off. Because dogs love to be alone. Not. Doug must be a cat owner. Doug says that they are going to add corner seating covered in gray wool (dog hair magnet!) and a cool ceiling treatment. Doug asks if they can go funky. Lena and Neal think that's fine. Permission to funkify! They unload the room, including a foldout couch. Those suckers are heavy!

Kristen and Andrew greet Edward, who has redone his ponytail. Boo! Edward says that the room will be "Moroccan-inspired." He explains that they are going to swap the dining area and the seating area, and then paint the walls and ceiling. I hope he has a lot of paint, because it's a popcorn ceiling. Edward says that they are going to do something cool to the fireplace. Kristen says that they have an item they want to incorporate into the room. She pulls out a ceramic pitcher shaped like a fish. Edward is kind of mystified, but promises that they will incorporate it. Are they going to explain why? They unload the room.

Doug's team is trying to get a desk out of their room, which some difficulty. MPDP shows up and tries to help. Doug grabs Lena around the waist and moves her out of the way, but he does it playfully.

Edward reveals the ceiling paint color to his team. It's bright blue -- almost a Carolina blue, but darker. Andrew laughs. Kristen is surprised to hear that they are painting the ceiling, even though Edward already mentioned earlier that they would be. She points out that it's a popcorn ceiling. Edward shows her the foam rollers they will use, which Andrew thinks are cool. Again, I hope Edward bought a lot of paint.

Doug is still working on the desk. He doesn't want to remove the hutch portion of the desk if he doesn't have to. MPDP asks why they can't just take it out of the room. I thought that's what they were trying to do? Doug says that Lena wanted the computer desk in the room. Lena puts her face in her hands, as if ashamed for wanting a computer desk.

Edward starts rolling paint on the ceiling. Now the color looks teal. I'm just going to tell you that I think the color on my television is screwed up, so I apologize if I get the colors wrong. Andrew thinks the color is funny. Kristen looks doubtful.

Doug was apparently trying to get the desk into the closet all this time. I don't know why they couldn't just cover it with a tarp. Oh, maybe it's going to stay there. MPDP says it would be nice if they could start decorating the room soon, and Lena says she didn't know they were going to be furniture movers. Doug finally gets the desk in place, but he manages to knock some crap down from the top of the closet in the process.

The bumper to commercial features Carter pitching a baseball and winking at the camera. Whew.

Edward shows his team their wall color, which is a goldish brown. He explains that they are going to do a tissue paper treatment. Andrew doesn't like the color. Edward slaps some paint on the wall then sticks the tissue paper to the paint, and then slaps more paint on top. He's just trying to give them the idea. Kristen asks if the tissue paper will stay on the wall, and Edward says it will all be glued down. They're doing the whole room like that. Andrew cackles some more.

Doug tells Carter that he drew out his plans, but that they are "a little sketchy." Carter makes Doug look short and stocky. And old. Carter looks like Doug's son. Carter is surprised that Doug that he didn't do his homework last night. Doug's been a bad boy. Carter should punish him! Sorry, my mind went to a bad place there.

MPDP and Kristen tear up tissue paper. MPDP asks Kristen if she's okay with the plan. Kristen says she's okay with it, because it will cover up the paneling and give it a different texture. She doesn't like painted-over paneling. MPDP points out that the room is currently painted-over paneling and it looks fine. Kristen gives a little shake of her head like, "Mmm, not really." MPDP agrees that the tissue paper will cover it up.

Doug tells Carter that he needs some banquettes for corner seating, an ottoman, and four round stools. For the divider to hide the dog bed, Doug wants to weave Masonite strips through pipes. Carter thinks that will be cool, and Doug thinks it will be a lot of work.

MPDP asks Andrew how he feels about the gold wall color. Andrew says he thought it was "tan, khaki, poopy." MPDP asks if he wanted something more vibrant, and they both agree that the ceiling color is pretty vibrant, so the walls don't need to be. MPDP wants to see the paint, because she thought it was gold. Andrew shows her, and admits that the paint is more gold than he realized. MPDP thinks it is also "kind of green, kind of mustard, kind of Dijon." It's the magic color-changing paint!

Doug checks in with his team. They're trying to remove the wallpaper border, and having a hard time. Lena asks why they can't just paint over it. Oh, no. Unacceptable. Neal says that it's going to take hours to remove. Doug instructs them to peel off the vinyl part first, and then the backing paper will steam off much more easily. He demonstrates.

Edward shows Kristen how they will make a new dining-room table. Edward bought a nice table base for $10, and he's planning on cutting out two half-circles from MDF and attaching them to the base.

Lena asks Doug where they are going to start the ceiling. The room has a slanted roof. Doug says they will put wires across the ceiling, making it flat, and then staple poster board to the wires in waves to make it "fun." Poster board? I can see where Doug is going with this idea, but I would have picked a different material. Something more durable. Before his team can protest, Doug reminds them, "You guys wanted funky!"

Edward cuts out the top of his table and nearly drops the MDF on Kristen's foot.

Lena asks Doug why he chose to use poster board instead of fabric. Doug says it's a budgetary issue.

Edward tells Carter that he has a "major small project." Carter asks if he should be nervous. Edward tells him not to be nervous (dirty!) and says he needs a fireplace mantel with two sides to hold it up.

Doug finds Lena sewing some fabric in the garage. He offers to bring her tea so that she will pick up the pace a bit. Lena tells Doug not to talk to her so that she can concentrate. She asks if he thinks she's too slow. Doug says she's doing a good job. Lena asks if he's lying, and Doug says that he is. With a smile.

Edward shows Carter his plans, which include actual measurements and shit. The camera zooms in on Carter's face. Hee! There was no reason for that shot, other than the pretty. Edward has a pattern he wants routed along the front and sides of the mantel.

Doug tells Lena that he wants a dark color on the walls. Lena thought he was going to use lavender. Doug says that he sometimes changes his plans once he gets there. He says that it's "a charcoal, it's dark. It's nearly black." Heh. It's totally black and he's just easing her into it.

Edward has mixed glue and paint together in preparation for the tissue paper treatment.

Lena verifies that Doug is talking about dark paint on the walls. Doug reminds her that they wanted to go funky. Lena clarifies that Doug asked if they wanted to go funky, and they said it was fine. Doug says, "That was enough of a nod for me." Like he needs their permission.

Edward demonstrates the tissue-paper technique. Kristen looks doubtful.

Doug unveils his paint color. It's dark gray. Like concrete gray. He tries to convince his team that it's super. I don't think they're buying it.

Here's what I don't get about Edward's tissue paper thing. He rolls on paint, then puts the tissue paper on top. Fine. He says he wants lots of crinkles to give it texture. Fine. But then he rolls more paint on top, which just seems to roll out any crinkles, as well as all of the texture. Wouldn't it make more sense to use colored tissue paper? Edward doesn't think there is enough color in the glue mixture, so he goes to get more paint.

Doug keeps slapping on gray paint, and claims it's going to dry almost black. His team doesn't protest, but they also don't seem convinced.

After commercials, Doug reveals that the color his team has been painting is just the primer. He shows them the real paint color, which is charcoal gray. It's like if you took a black cotton t-shirt and washed it a bunch of times. Faded black. Lena asks if he's going to do the bottom of the walls with it, but Doug wants to do all of the walls.

Andrew asks Kristen what she really thinks of the tissue paper thing. Kristen likes the texture, but doesn't think the color is dramatic enough. I agree.

Doug tries to convince his team that the gray has some purple in it. Lena says that she sees it, and Doug pretends that she said she liked it. He won't be stopped. Lena says that she needs some tea. Maybe she should have brought her kettle after all.