San Clemente: Camino Mojada

MPDP appears in the middle of a suburban street, and tells us they're in San Clemente, and that on the other side of the hills behind her is the Pacific Ocean. Then we see Gen, Vern, and Ty playing soccer on the beach. They run around dribbling the ball a bit, and then Gen kicks the ball at Ty hard enough to knock him down and dislodge his sunglasses. The camera was a little slow on the uptake so we don't get to see the actual point of impact -- believe me, I replayed it several times hoping -- but I'm pretty sure she beaned him in the head. Girlfriend's got a mean kick, all right. Ty limps away, complaining. I don't think he's just playing it for drama this time, either. Gen continues playing, unconcerned. Interesting to me that she didn't do the girly thing I would have done, which is to be shocked at both the force and aim of my kick, and turn all solicitous. Yes, even for Ty. No, I'm not proud. Shut up.

We see the homeowners working on some hot rod, complete with cheesy painted-on flames. Dan (who looks like a member of one of those ubiquitous and indistinguishable boy bands, with his spiky hair and goatee) and Laurie (sort of a poor man's Loni Anderson -- tm Gustave -- but prettier) want their "loft" done. It seems to be more of a big nook, though, than what I would call a loft. Dan describes it as an upstairs living room. It's open to the rest of the house, so there are only three walls. It's hard to say what colour everything is from this shot; it all looks a lot more yellowy than I think it actually is. The walls could be tan, mushroom, yellowy-brown...hard to say. There's a couch and a matching love seat in a sort of tan colour with plaid cushions. They don't look too bad from a distance, but on close-up they're pretty grubby and nasty. The coffee table is glass with a metal frame. The carpet is probably beige, but looks very yellow in this shot. There's a window covered with wooden plantation shutters, a big old ceiling fan with dark blades, and a framed picture on the wall. There's a TV on a stand in a small nook, with framed posters on the wall behind it. There's a potted plant and a cushion on the floor. That's about it. It's not a very large space. I don't think it's even the requisite 14' x 14', but because it's open to the rest of the house, I guess there wouldn't be the usual problems shooting it. Dan says they just ran out of ideas when they got to this room, and so they stopped. It's painted the same colour as the entryway, onto which it opens. Laurie says what's in the room are things Dan bought when he was just out of college, but that the stuff isn't really her, or "female at all." They don't like country or "shabby chic." They want something fun. They're newlyweds and they want to celebrate that.

Amy and Tim want their bedroom to be cozy for themselves and their dogs. Their bedroom is a huge (19' x 20', according to Gen later in the show) white box, with beige carpeting and country-ish pine furniture in an orangey stain: bed frame, night tables, dresser, and mirror. There's a big spray of dried flowers and eucalyptus over the bed. The windows all have white blinds on them. The bedding is a yellow and white floral print. In the corner is a small table and chair functioning as a scrapbooking space. Tim says that they like a cross between French country and shabby chic. Amy says they like a lot of denim, and blue, yellow, and red. Tim would like something Hawaiian. Amy would like to bring the beach feel inside. Tim doesn't want to walk into a room that's bright pink with lace and feathers. Amy doesn't want to see anything too stuffy. They call their dogs onto the bed; one's a Golden Retriever (name: Murphy), and the other is a Silky Terrier, I think -- one of those small hairy dogs. Amy says their dogs are their children. They'd like them to sleep on the floor instead of the bed, or at least have something for them to sleep on, since they're not sure how well training them to get off the bed is going to go.

Key swap.

Laurie and Dan find Genevieve flinging the pillows off the bed, getting rid of the "flowers and frou-frou." She shows them the colour inspiration for the room, which is a ready-made bedspread she says she got for a good price. It's a fluid diamond-print pattern in dull orange, olive, light green, and white (that looks butter yellow in this light). I'll bet Laurie Smith is mad she didn't find it first; it's got all her colours. The fabric has a very retro feel. I kinda like it, but I know a lot of people are going to hate it. Gen says the colour palette is "kind of tiki." Gen says she knows Tim and Amy love Hawaii, so she's doing a kind of "retreat vacation wonderland." That sounds like an excuse for MPDP and Gen to hula all over the place -- not that they need much provocation. Of the room, Gen says, "This is so boring!" Gen says she's seen Dan and Laurie's house and she knows they're fun, and that they're going to have to make this room more fun. She grabs a wad of white tulle, saying it looks frou-frou in a bunch, but it will be less so when she puts the "mosquito netting" all around the bed. Meh. That hardly ever looks good, in my experience. Gen mentions that she's allergic to dogs, and asks them to grab the dog beds so she doesn't die. Why on earth would they make her do a room for people with dogs? I don't think the designers get much, if any, say in what rooms they do, but surely they have veto power with regard to health issues. The room gets unloaded.

Vern asks Tim and Amy for their ideas. Tim thinks that something to conceal the TV, VCR, games, etc., would be a good idea. Amy says that the couches are nasty and have to go. Vern agrees. He says they're going to build a new sofa and cover it in black velvet. There will be new drapes in cotton and velvet. They're going for a 1930s, glamorous, old-Hollywood look. But he says it has to blend with the rest of the house because it's not enclosed at all. They're going to build a new coffee table and shelving, and upholster the two main walls of the space with diamond shapes (which will apparently coordinate with some diamond shapes that are going in their bedroom). Amy thinks they'll love it. They unload the room.

Gen does her paint reveal. She shows some paint she describes as a "smoky taupe." Dan and Laurie like the colour; it's very similar to what's in their house. Gen pours it out, mentioning that there's a green undertone in it, which works with their accent colours.

Vern brings in his paint, accompanied by MPDP, who's got an armload of fabrics. She goes on about feeling extra-special because she gets to reveal something, even before Vern does. Seriously, I think MPDP and the carpenters need a chance to be designers for a day, and let some of the designers be carpenters and hosts. This show loves gimmicks -- why not that one? I doubt they could do any worse than the official "designers" have over the years. I fail to see how Kia, for example, is remotely more qualified than Ty or MPDP to design anyone's room. Anyway, MPDP puts the fabrics down and asks what Tim and Amy think. It looks like they have a beige cotton, something dark greenish-gold, and a leopard print. Amy says that the fabrics will go really well with Dan and Laurie's bedroom, where they apparently have a safari-animal-print deal going on. Vern thought so too, and thinks the animal print can also relate to the Hollywood glamour thing he's going for.

Laurie and Dan paint the walls and talk about how much they like the colour. Laurie's sure Amy will like it since she likes it in Laurie's house.

Vern says that without a fourth wall, the room is basically an extension of the entire hallway. So he's not painting it a very different colour. MPDP says it's the same colour that's already on the walls. Vern says it's very similar and that's deliberate, because there's no good place to end one colour and start the . He wants it to be just a bit different, not a lot. He paints some on the wall. In this light it looks pretty green, though I think it's actually tan. Vern does say there's a bit more green in it, which picks up on the animal print and other fabric they're using. Then he shows some black paint, which will be used for the coffee table and the base of the sofa. He shows them the black velvet which will be used to upholster the sofa.

Dan thinks Tim will be excited about the Hawaiian theme in his room. He jokes that if Tim lies down, they may lose him -- a reference to Tim's preference for Hawaiian shirts. Laurie wonders if he has Hawaiian pyjamas. Dan thinks that's more information than he needs about Tim.

Vern comes out to talk to Ty about his carpentry plans. Vern says he's got the "Rubik's Cube of all carpentry projects" for him, and that if Ty can figure this out, he's a genius. Vern must be developing a taste for living dangerously, if he's designing stuff that requires Ty to be a genius. Vern describes it as a coffee table that looks like a spaceship. It's square, with four marble tiles in a central recess, surrounded by upholstered seating sections on top. Below, there are areas for book and magazine storage. Ty's not sure if he can do it, but thinks the plans look good.

Gen and Dan are outside. Gen says they've got a lot of blah wood furniture. Dan agrees, saying it's "very pale." Well, it's not dark, but it sure isn't what I'd call pale. Orangey pine? Not. Pale. Gen asks if Dan's feeling particularly attached to any of the furniture. He is not. She says they don't have enough money for new furniture or a wood floor. She tells him to prime this furniture, and then they'll "whitewash" it. She also wants him to remove the big round wooden drawer pulls, which she thinks look pretty kindergarten-ish. They'll replace them with silver knobs. Silver will be the accent metal in the room.

Vern discusses the sofa plans with Ty. Vern has drawn two large bench-style sofas that fit together in an L-shape (so one's much longer than the other - about 10'3"). Ty suggests that since MDF only comes in eight-foot lengths, he'd like to make the sofa in three sections: two benches and a corner piece. Vern tells him, "Build this any way you want, dude." He may live to regret those devil-may-care words.

Gen has already started spraypainting the primer on the furniture, but chides herself for not having removed all the knobs: "We're so unorganized. Meanwhile, at Vern's house..." She starts imitating a robot: "'Five degrees to the right, please. Move this to a centimetre elevated above sea level.'" Dan laughs. She continues, "You're in the opposite house, just so you know." MPDP voice-overs, "Go ahead and make fun of Vern's attention to detail and measurement...it's a skill he'll need as his team begins upholstering the panels for the walls." I thought she was going to say, "Go ahead and make fun of Vern's attention to detail and measurement...when you consistently turn out liveable, attractive, cohesive rooms that make good use of the allowed funds, then you can talk." But maybe that's just me.