Nazareth: First Street

MPDP drives along Nazareth Speedway in a black convertible with the Trading Spaces logo on it. She tells us we're in Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania, home of Mario Andretti...and the racing metaphors come thick and fast. She zooms off. We see "pit crew" Vern, Doug, and Amy Wynn in red racing suits pretending to service the convertible. As they push the car along the speedway, Vern's racing pants fall down, dragged off his slim waist by the weight of the microphone pack, I guess.

A goateed guy in a black t-shirt with cut-off sleeves hollers into a microphone, "Are you ready to rock?" I'm really not, as it happens. He's Mike, his wife is Monique, and they're shown in their living playing guitar (him) and tambourine (her). They want a room that's more accommodating of their love for music and entertaining. The living room is right off the kitchen and is the main room in their house. It's a basic box of a room: yellow walls (although Vern later refers to them as "peach"), white ceiling, greige carpet, and a fireplace with a very skimpy surround and mantel. There are a couple of Southwest-patterned couches in warm colours, simple pine coffee table and shelves, TV, plants, the usual. They say they do karaoke there and that it's the fun place to be; people love to be there. Mike says, "There are entertainers and entertainees. We are the entertainers." He says that people tend to "navigate" to their house and hang out there, although I think he means "gravitate." But maybe their house is surrounded by a moat or something. You never know. Monique says she likes the couches the way they are and that she likes the room, but that they're ready for a change. They'd like the fireplace to become more of a focal point in the room. We get a shot of the carpet, which she says is really bad, and she's not kidding. It's stained and nasty. Mike says the worst thing that could be done with the room is to make it dark and dingy: "That's not us. We're lively people."

We see Chris and Phil in their kitchen baking a cake. As Chris frosts a big white slab cake with the Trading Spaces logo on it, she says she's the one who uses the kitchen most since creating and decorating cakes is what she does for a living. The working area of the kitchen is fairly small. It's a galley-style kitchen with an incredibly awkward feature: at the end of one of the countertops, the sink is installed with the countertop turned on an angle into the room. It makes the passage from the work area into the eating area much narrower and harder to use. I can't imagine how many times people must bump into the corner of the sink that juts into the room. Who thinks this sort of thing is a good idea? I find in a lot of newer houses there's a lot of stuff like this, where things are angled for no really good reason other than that the designer couldn't seem to figure out how else to make the room interesting. It means that you look out over the sink into the eating/living area, but the impracticality of the arrangement outweighs that, if you ask me -- especially if there's a dishwasher, although I can't tell if they have one. I don't think they do. The kitchen has oak cabinets down each side, with the fridge at the end of the left-hand side and the stove in the middle of the right-hand side. The walls look like a light pinkish colour. The countertop is a kind of almond colour. In the other half of the room, there's a small wooden table and chairs in front of a large window with a flowered valance. There's a microwave cart in the corner.

Chris says she doesn't have space for all her decorating tools. Phil says they like the light in there, and that the rooms has good exposure. He says they haven't really done anything with it yet; it's the last room they've gotten to. Chris says she likes the colour of the walls at night, but that in the day it's too pink. She says that the cabinets are in good shape, but that she has a feeling something will be done with them. She's okay with that. Having seen some pretty shoddy cabinet painting jobs on this show, I'd be more nervous if I were her. The cabinets aren't fabulous, but there's nothing really wrong with them, either. Phil says the worst thing that could be done with their kitchen is to limit their counter space or storage space even further. Chris says she's afraid of anything too contemporary or cheap-looking. She wants something whimsical.

MPDP's outside with the homeowners. She's wearing jeans and a low-cut, cropped, sleeveless black top. It's obviously pretty hot. (The weather, I mean.) She's got a green racing flag tucked under her arm. She runs down the rules and warns them not to cheat, or they'll have to answer to her: "I know I look nice, but I can be mean!" Professor Frink sweetly says, "'Now class, put your heads down on your desks...'" No one is remotely afraid of MPDP's meanness. She swaps the keys, and all four homeowners run around her in circles like they're race cars. Just the thing to do in a heat wave. MPDP waves the green flag and hoots.

Chris and Phil find Vern checking out their neighbours' musical taste. Vern says it looks like they're into the karaoke thing. He repeats it into the microphone, which is on. He removes the mike from the stand and proceeds to interview them about what they want to do in the room. Chris says she wants to rip the carpet out, describing it as "soiled and nasty." You just know Vern's down with that. He intones "soiled and nasty" into the mike. Phil would like to see the clutter cleaned up. Vern intones: "Additional storage." Chris semi-sings that she wants to see the fireplace stand out more. Vern asks Phil to "sing them out." Phil thinks they have a lot of work. Vern replaces the mike and says the nasty carpet is gone; they're laying down wood laminate. They're going to make the fireplace wall more of a focus and make the mantel more substantial; add colour to the area; incorporate Monique's beach photographs; and slipcover the sofas. Apparently, they will also be suspending fish from the ceiling. They unload the room.

Mike and Monique find Doug looking at colour swatches in the kitchen. He asks their thoughts. Monique says that Chris needs counter space and storage space. Doug wants to replace the countertops with something "orange sienna-ish." He shows a sample that's pretty orange. Doug thinks it will be hip and fun. He says they're going to tie it into an old-fashioned pie safe with punched tin panels, so she can store her cakes in there. They'll put the microwave in the lower part of the pie safe. Doug says they're going to paint the cabinets a "bright yellow, but aged." The new floor is going to be some kind of "brown slate rock." They're going to revamp the table, install new light fixtures, hang new linen drapes with stripes, and replace the cabinet hardware. They unload the room.

Vern knocks off the thin board that's been serving as a mantelpiece. MPDP voice-overs that it's a homemade job. That took all of fifteen seconds. MPDP arrives to ask what's going in its place. Vern assures her it will be something better. The wall will have three shelves on each side of the fireplace and a larger, more substantial shelf functioning as a mantelpiece.

Mike is covering up the contents of the cabinets with plastic (I guess they're not emptying them, as is usually the case). Mike: "You know, this really sucks doing this!" Seems a little early in the game to be pissed off, especially about something so simple. Probably staged, but why? Doug comes in and tells him to watch his language. He's got a narrow piece of crown molding and shows them how they'll be attaching it to the top of the cabinets to dress them up. Monique seems to have made a numbered diagram of the cabinetry; the insides of all the doors have been numbered. Doug's happy. The bumper to the commercial is MPDP in helmet and jumpsuit, applying lipstick in the rearview mirror of the Trading Spaces car.

MPDP recaps Vern's plans: "We are painting the walls, we're doing a new thing..." (meaning the mantel). She finds out about the carpet being replaced with wood laminate, and she smiles and tells him he knows how she feels about that. Vern says the carpet has to go. She points to Chris and shouts, "You guys are gonna be up all night!" MPDP walks off. Chris points to Vern and says, "You know how we feel about that!" They joke around about being excited and staying up.

Doug's talking to Amy Wynn. She's wearing a very clingy purple spaghetti-strap tank top and has her hair up. It's a very '70s purple, and the top has a vaguely disco vibe about it. She looks kind of '70s, but in a really cute way. Mind you, I'm pretty disposed to certain aspects of the '70s. And she always looks cute. Doug looks great in khaki pants and a dark short-sleeved shirt. He's wearing the white bracelet again. They're talking about the countertops. Amy Wynn's anxious to have them removed so that she can use them as a template. Doug says they can pull them off right now. He explains to Amy Wynn how he wants to extend the counter out and around the sink. There's already a few inches of countertop behind the sink which is not very useable, especially since there's nothing behind it to keep stuff from getting knocked off. He wants to extend it enough that they can put stools up there and use it as eating space or whatever. Doug's unable to get the bright orange countertop he wanted until 2:00 PM the day at the earliest. Amy Wynn: "Not so much." Doug says he's going with Plan B -- something more traditional.