Philadelphia: 22nd Street

Shout-outs to stargoddess and Adelheide.

MPDP appears in a colourful, sparkly t-shirt and jeans. She's in front of a fountain in Philadelphia, home to Benjamin Franklin. If you haven't figured out by halfway through the word "Franklin" that the puns and clichs will be all about invention and electricity and so forth...welcome, because you must be new to the show. I'll say this for MPDP: she really tries her best to sell these intros. I couldn't do it without my eyes rolling so far up in my head that surgery would be required to put them back where they belong.

We see two rows of urban townhouses -- one fairly old, one much newer. She informs us that because they are in a cramped urban area, they'll be setting up the carpentry area at the Franklin Institute, a science museum. We see Gen, Edward, and Ty playing around in the museum with an electrical display of some kind. Ty has his snout pressed up against one of the big glass tubes. There's some nattering about "keeping [Ty's] electric personality in check." Well, something about him needs to be kept in check, but I'm not sure I'd say it's his "electric personality." Some kind of shock treatment might actually sort him out.

There's a shot of the two couples walking in the park. Rich and Amy are carrying their infant daughter, Audrey, who is easily the cutest baby I've ever seen on this show. Chris and Patty are walking their two dogs. Patty says that they're redoing their master bedroom. It's a pretty large room, but it's fairly beige and bland. There's a bed with no headboard, and two brownish framed pictures of trees above it. The comforter features a weak floral pattern, and the sheets and bedskirt look like kind of a sage-y colour. There is a small black nightstand on each side of the bed. There are a pair of closets with white doors, and in the corner, there's a window with a sort of dull khaki curtain. Opposite the end of the bed is a dresser in an orangey-toned wood. On the other side of the bed is another curtain-covered window. On the floor on one side of the dresser is some dog bedding, and on the other side is a dog cage. At the other end of the room is another pair of closets. No wonder they only have one dresser. The walls are kind of a taupe-y colour. There's a chair upholstered in orange fabric in front of the window. The light fixture is pretty awful: it's a chrome square with six regular light bulbs hanging down out of it (though there are room for eight). Patty says the room needs to be livened up. Chris says they fixed it up after Zeke, their dog, destroyed part of it. Patty says that the dogs are part of the family, and that they like the dogs to hang out with them as much as possible. ["Ugh, dog people. Just give up: you will never have nice things, ever. Actually, that goes double for baby people." -- Wing Chun] Chris says that Zeke sleeps in the "metal, ugly crate," which he likes, but that it's getting disgusting. Patty wants warm, inviting colours. She doesn't like primary colours or anything too bright. Chris says they'd like a headboard, but even more than that, they'd like dog beds. Patty says she hates the light fixture. She says it's a pretty drab room, and that maybe if it were more comfortable they'd enjoy hanging out in there more, reading.

Rich and Amy want their living room done. You come down three small steps, past a curved wall, into the room. It's a long, rectangular space, with a bay window at the end. There is no way on God's green earth that this room is 14' wide, so those of you who are potential participants, applying to the show full of hope and with rooms that don't quite fit the requisite measurements, take heart. There's clearly some flexibility for the right homeowners. I suspect that if you've got about 196 square feet in some proportion that allows cameras to work in the room, you're probably good to go. The windows have some kind of balloon-y shades of off-white fabric swagged up near the top, but no other coverings. In front of the window is a nice old wooden desk and chair, facing into the room. The floors are hardwood and quite nice-looking. The walls are white. There's a medium grey three-seater sofa that looks like it has some kind of microfibre upholstery. Actually, their sofa in size and style is not unlike what we bought for our living room, only ours is a light olive green and has back cushions as well. In front of the sofa -- which faces the fireplace -- is a very small stool being used, I think, as a table. On the floor is an area rug, maybe 4' x 6', in shades of cream, brick, black, and dull gold, with tiny touches of sky blue. It's some sort of ethnic pattern; possibly Afghan in origin. The small stone fireplace has simple, elegant detailing. Above the fireplace is a framed print of a dragonfly, leaning on the mantel, along with candlesticks and stuff. On one side of the fireplace is a small wooden table with a fairly small TV on it. On the other side, on the floor, is another piece of art, leaning against the wall. In front of the curved wall is a low bookshelf. Amy says they use the living room for lots of things: the baby plays there, they do work at the desk, they read there, and they use it when they entertain. She says it's kind of a small room, but that they like the furniture they have in there. They need some more seating. They'd like some bookshelves. They'd also like someplace to store the stereo equipment and TV that's out of the baby's reach. Amy says they like earth tones, very warm and rich colours like golds and greens. She says they only thing in the room they don't want touched is the rug, which they really love. They say the worst thing would be to come back and have the room done in basic black...or neon colours...or pastels. They want it to be kid-friendly but not to be a baby's room. They say that Audrey has her own room and she doesn't need the whole house. I say, that baby is so cute, give 'er whatever she wants.

Key swap. MPDP: "I am so excited for this urban experience!" Uh-oh. She's a bit cranked up. She recites the rules and swaps the keys. As Patty and Chris run off down the street behind her, Patty's rolling upright suitcase flops to one side. She giggles as Chris helps her straighten it out and MPDP comments, "They are not off to a good start."

Rich and Amy find Gen sitting on the bed with an assortment of stuff, mostly cigar boxes. She's wearing a sleeveless black t-shirt and a knee-length red skirt. Yeah, she looks cute, but dude, who renovates in a skirt? She's also wearing a huge silver cuff that I love. Gen looks like she's losing weight. I hope she's well. And Gen, know this: there are all sorts of people out here who love your body and your confidence just the way they are. She invites them to sit, and asks them each for one key word that describes their thinking about the room. Amy thinks and then says, "Playfulness." Gen's down with that, and adds "colour," "hip," "more texture," and "more sensuality" to the list. Gen says she has something in common with them, because they all travel a lot, but that she's never been to Cuba. They say they haven't, either. She says that when you don't know a place by heart, you have to inspire yourself with anything you can: books, music, food, drink, what-have-you. She holds up a bottle of liquor as an example. Well, that should either provide inspiration, or help one not to care if it doesn't come. She opens one of the cigar boxes (brand: Robaina) and shows Amy and Rich how they'll use it as their colour palette. The inside of the lid is white with a brown and white border. The image in the centre has tones of sepia and brown, with little touches of green and a brownish-orange. Gen says they've already got some of those colours in the room, and that they're going to add texture to the walls, "great chandeliers," and bring in contemporary fixtures for the end tables and lighting, mixing the "old school" with the "new school." They clear the room. During the sequence, MPDP comes in and does some dance, in which Gen eventually joins her. All four of them do a little conga line out at the end.

Chris and Patty find Edward and Ty going over plans in the living room. Ty's wearing a sleeveless shirt that shows off his muscular arms. His muscular head also pokes through the neck of the shirt in the usual manner. Edward greets them and says they're discussing the entertainment centre that will go to the fireplace. He wants to do some kind of shelf unit there. Professor Frink tells me he can't stand the scrap of hair on Ty's chin. I say, "You mean his soul patch? His 'chin puff'? His 'flavour saver'? His 'mini-goatee'? His 'mouche'? His 'imperial'?" Frink looks at me, clearly sorry to have brought it up and afraid I'll go on. We agree that it's got to go. Ty -- who can't stand not being the centre of attention for even two minutes -- starts talking over Edward, and shows Patty and Chris a coloured drawing of the fireplace wall, saying something about not wanting to step on any toes. MPDP voice-overs, "Don't want to step on any toes? Sounds like Ty is already changing Edward's plan...and we just got started!" Ty starts drawing on the wall with a pencil, sketching his idea. He's proposing some kind of series of boxes projecting from the wall, one on each side. Edward seems open to it, and Ty says he'll get some sketches together. He leaves, assuring Edward's team members that they're doing great so far. Edward apologizes to Chris and Patty for not having had the chance to do a proper "meet 'n' greet." Edward says they're going to get rid of the sofa. What? It's a perfectly nice, simple, and probably pretty new sofa. It's not an eyesore in the least. He says they're going to bring in a matching chair and do a "chase" (by which I figure he means chaise longue, although at first I truly wasn't sure what he was talking about). He says they're going to do "something" with the fireplace, and give Rich and Amy an entertainment centre on the wall. They clear the room. Edward pretends to struggle with the tiny TV.

Gen reveals her...joint compound? Rich is stirring a big pail of something which Gen calls a "textural paint." Okay. Never heard of it, but there's a first time for everything. It's more fluid than joint compound. She says it smooths on like plaster and dries like paint.

Edward reveals his first paint colour; it's a golden yellow colour that will go on the ceiling. Patty says it's pretty. He shows them the wall colour; they're pretty surprised. It's a strong orangey-red; he says it will dry a bit darker. I hope so. He shows them a quart can of black, for the fireplace. Patty seems a little concerned about painting the fireplace. I think she thinks he means the stone; I think he means the chimney breast. I hope so, anyway.

Gen shows Amy the paint they'll be using on the doors and trim. It's kind of a mustardy-medium brown colour. She says it will looks like mahogany, which she says is very Spanish. She says they'll distress it a little bit to bring it back to Cuba, because "nothing's perfect in Cuba." She talks about how it's all "beautifully organic, decaying...." Amy supplies, "Antique." Gen agrees. Me, I think it could be due as much to extreme economic hardship as some funky, edgy design aesthetic, but you know, whatever. It's Gen. The bumper to the commercial shows Ty in the Franklin Institute, riding some kind of unicycle up on a tightrope, or something.

The bumper back into the show is Ty spinning around on a display at the museum -- probably something that demonstrates centrifugal or centripetal force or something. Gen shows Amy how they're going to do the faux-mahogany effect. Amy paints of swatch of the mustardy-brown colour on the wall. Gen says they'll later paint a darker brown on top of that, but for now, she just uses the special rocker graining tool to show how the wood-graining effect comes out. It looks like comic-book rendering of wood grain to me, but I guess some people like it. Generally speaking, I hate "faux" anything, though.

Edward's painting the reddish colour on the walls, and saying that his inspiration for the room was their area rug that they like so much (which he describes as an "African" ethnic rug). They're going to hang the rug on the wall; the paint colour will really highlight it.

Gen shows Amy the dark brown colour as Rich continues mixing the textural paint. MPDP arrives. Gen's jazzed because they're moving fast. MPDP is interested in the wood-graining tool. Gen says she's not a big fan of faux anything, but with a thousand-dollar budget, "we've gotta faux it up a little bit." Or possibly another four-letter word that starts with F.

MPDP and Edward yap about the faux treatment. He establishes that the final colour will be very black, although it's pretty grey right now. MPDP paints as Patty watches, curious. MPDP says, "Edward says you always need to have the grounding force of black in the room." I generally agree. Chris, up on a ladder, says "You guys just need to have a little more faith in Edward." Patty says they have faith, and that they're just asking questions.

Gen is showing Ty her sketches of the end tables, which seem to be cubes with Lucite tops that are lit from underneath the Lucite. Ty thinks that's pretty stylish. He got her some scrap orange Lucite, which is what she wanted. They agree that because it's orange instead of white, they'll need a lot of fluorescent lights underneath. Ty says he'll have to wire that himself, and Gen jokes about it exploding later.

Edward's outside, possibly on a rooftop, with his team. Chris is sunning himself. Edward's got a bunch of hardware they need to spraypaint. He's got lots of hooks and clips that need to be painted. He shows them what he's using for the valance: it's a length of what looks like a matchstick blind, only it's about a foot wide, so I don't think it's actually a blind. Maybe it's a table runner? It's edged in black, and they'll attach it horizontally to a rod with ring clips.

Gen and Rich are sewing. She says they will have luxurious white linen curtains, which will be overlaid with an open-weave fabric in a cigar brown colour. She asks how his sewing skills are. He doesn't know. He thinks they'll find out.

Ty is getting help from Chris in cutting the wood for the entertainment centre. They're going to be mounting boxes on a piece of plywood. Ty rattles on about how this all has to be cut so he can glue them and they can stain them tonight, and they'll never be done and neither will he.

Gen and Rich try to figure out how to turn the sewing machine on. They get it going, and she asks whether he drives that fast.

Chris saws up a (dust)storm. Ty instructs him to push the circular saw blade away from him rather than pulling it toward him. Ty makes some remarks about how Chris, as a doctor, is always cutting and ripping people open. Chris: "Yeah, we do a lot of that in radiology." The bumper to the commercial is Edward sitting at the wheel of a drag racer in the museum.

The bumper back into the show is Gen, in a black minidress, whirling around on the same thingamajig Ty was on earlier. Edward comes out to talk to Ty. Ty pretends to be regretful in telling Edward that he's running behind, but truthfully, he seems to be enjoying it. He says that some of Gen's things got a little...problematic. Ty seems to be struggling for euphemisms. What's the big deal? If there's a problem, spit it out, dude.

Gen and Amy work on the headboard. What Gen's done is taken the graphic from the label that seals the cigar box shut, and reproduced it on her computer, blowing it up into large sections on sheets of paper that will be pasted together in sections to great one larger image on the headboard. The printout has a sepia tone. It's a pretty cool idea, although I wouldn't personally want it in my home. Amy thinks it's going to be fab.

Edward and Patty are outside with a big slab of very thick foam on a base, covered in white fabric. This would be the "much-anticipated chase lounge." It looks assembled, but I guess it's not, because he lifts up the foam and instructs her to spray the adhesive onto the plywood so that they can attach the foam.

Gen and Amy lay out the individual sections of the label image on the headboard. Gen exalts the glories of spray adhesive. She says she even numbered the printouts: "I was organized about something." Gen suggests that she take the headboard outside to apply the spray adhesive and then come back in and they'll start putting the paper on.

Edward is putting the last staples into the black fabric with which the chaise is covered. They flip it over and brush off the lint. Patty says it's awesome. At least there's a generous amount of foam there, unlike the padding on a lot of furniture on this show. Patty would never have thought you could make something like that. Edward says it's simple and inexpensive. Patty says she was worried about the black on the fireplace, because she thought it would stick out a lot, but now that she sees this chaise, she thinks it will all tie together.

Gen puts the last piece of the label onto the headboard. She says they have to polyurethane it now, but first, she wants to apply a blown-up copy of the ink stamp on the bottom of the box. She's blown it up on a photocopier; she's going to rub acetone on the back of the paper, and the carbon will come off perfectly on the spot underneath. I would never have imagined this.

Chris and Edward make pillows; Edward sews, Chris stuffs. They're sort of a soft gold colour with narrow black edging. Edward says they're floor pillows.

Gen has an old, kind of beat-up chandelier for which she paid $49, but would normally pay $150. MPDP mentions the shape it's in, but then realizes it's an antique. There's a close-up where you can see dust bunnies the size of Ty's ego. There's also a box of product-placed Swiffer cloths. The chandelier is gold-coloured metal now, with a leaf motif. Gen says that part of the price is that they have to clean it themselves; she also wants to paint it white. MPDP thinks they should just hose it down. Gen: "I think you should just start cleaning."

Edward's sewn everything there is to sew, until Chris finishes stuffing. He says he'll come back later and close things. Chris holds up a slightly lumpy, lopsided pillow, asking for feedback on his work. Edward says he's doing great.

Rich and Ty work on the bedside tables.

MPDP, Edward, and Patty are outside in front of a lunar module. MPDP holds up a tribal mask and asks if it's the man in the moon. Edward explains that it's an African piece that's going to ornament the room, to where the desk was, or is going. MPDP ascertains that he's bringing the desk back in, but not the sofa. Edward puts the mask on a little stand.

The bases of the bedside tables are ready to be stained, but Ty's got more work to do to create the Lucite tops and lighting system. He thinks he'll be working pretty late. Rich: "There's no limit to your dedication, is there?" Ty agrees that there really isn't: "That's why I have, you know, a therapist and all that." Sure thing.

Edward is painting fence post caps black; they will form legs for the chaise. He says they were cheap.

Gen comes in and finds Rich texturizing the walls, and Amy painting. She says she's been inspired that they might need a tint or colour on the walls. It seems to me that it would have been more efficient to dye the textural paint, rather than apply it all white and then paint over it, when you've only got two days to begin with, but whatever. Also, will that stuff even be dry enough in time to paint over it? I dunno. Rich says they also need more textural paint -- he's out. Amy needs more paint, too. Gen sheepishly says, "Okay...I didn't budget my supplies very well, did I?" Well, if she's under budget as much as she has been in recent episodes, she should have plenty of money with which to correct the problem. She says she'll get them more of what they need. Now she says that instead of painting the walls or leaving them white, she's thinking they'll tea-stain them.

Edward's hot-gluing a thick strand of multicoloured cording to the corner where the ceiling meets the walls. It's black, grey, and a sort of brick colour. It looks better here than in the room he did last time; that little piece of black cord had very little effect. I'm not crazy nuts for this, but it will probably look okay in here. It also removes the need to do a very good job of having the two paint colours meet. I don't think I'm wild about the gold ceiling with the reddish walls, though. Finishing the cording is Chris and Patty's homework.

MPDP gets into a mini-van, complaining about having to go get more textural paint and the fact that Gen didn't tell her about it sooner. She says that if she hurries, everything will be okay.

Edward assigns more homework: Chris and Patty need to stain all the components of the entertainment centre.

Amy's got the dark brown paint over the lighter brown paint now, and has started to use the graining tool to create the faux wood effect. I think this sort of stuff looks like crap, but I understand lots of people like it. It looks like wood the way Wilma Flintstone's dress looks like animal skin. Gen comes in to give her team its homework. Gen says the dresser is very ugly and needs to be primed and painted white. They've got to finish painting the trim and the doors. They have to take down the old light fixture. Gen's comment: "Retro's good, but some things should be left in the '70s, and that's definitely...that's bad."

Edward reminds Patty and Chris to touch up the paint, and take down the painter's tape, along with their other homework. He takes off.

Gen says they have "wall issues," because they still haven't finished with the texturizing. At that point, MPDP arrives with a new bucket of goo and hoists it up onto the dresser. Gen jumps for joy. Gen says that the end tables are also coming shortly. That's a fair bit of homework. She and MPDP go off to see about the tables.

Day Two. Edward comes in and finds that Chris and Patty have done all their homework. He says they have a lot of things to install today: shelves and window treatments, etc.

Gen comes in with the now-white chandelier and a ceiling rosette. She's surprised to find that Amy and Rich have painted the ceiling. She says it really helps bring it together. Rich says that the ceiling was disgusting when they removed the old light fixture. Amy says that it left a really drastic discolouration. Gen's really glad, because the diameter of the ceiling rosette is less than that of the old fixture, so it would have looked pretty bad. The walls look really blotchy to me, the way sections of plaster do when they drying. I guess they're not dry yet? Another possibility is that the blotchy spots are where the substance is spread really, really thin, and it's a bit of the wall behind showing through. Either way: not good. Gen points out that they've also painted the bedside tables.

Edward is demonstrating the phase of the fauxifying of the fireplace. He wipes a mixture of silver paint, water, and "glue medium" over the black/grey tissue-papered surface. It makes the "veins" of the tissue paper stand out a little more.

MPDP helps Ty peel backing paper off the orange Lucite. She voice-overs her concern that projects are running a bit behind. Ty sees that the corner of the shallow Lucite box is not holding together, and goes for solvent. MPDP frets because solvent takes time to dry. She harangues him about not having read all the directions in advance, the way you're supposed to do when you prepare a recipe for the first time. She asks how much stuff he still has to do for Edward. Ty: "Oh, lord. It just keeps going, Paige, you know?" The bumper to the commercial is Edward hanging ten on a surfboard simulation at the museum.

The bumper back into the show is MPDP pretending to be hit by some kind of pendulum thing at the museum. On the show, we find her whispering conspiratorially to Edward, who's mounting magazine racks. She says that Ty doesn't really have all of Gen's stuff done, and that MPDP thought it was because Ty was hanging Edward's stuff. Edward says he's not, and that he doesn't know what the problem is. MPDP says that Ty kept avoiding her questions about how much there was to do for Edward. Edward gets her to hold up one of the racks as he installs it.

Gen tells her team that she had an epiphany last night about colouring the walls. She's got two trays: one has watery black tea in it. She paints on a sample and then wipes it with a rag, so that it won't streak. She says that it gives an antiquing effect. The other tray contains green paint that she's watered down a lot, and she paints a sample of it on the wall, saying it "might be a little more contrasting in the grand scope of things." She says they're very similar, and that she wants their input on which one to do. She says that it will be a subtle effect either way, but that in a huge room it will make a big difference. Amy prefers the green.

Edward and Patty make accent pillows out of light green and black fabric. He wants to add a little whimsy to the room for Audrey. The cases are already sewn, but he's got a large rubber stamp with a chunky dragonfly motif to be stamped in black on the green areas of the pillows. He's done a sample on paper to show Patty how it should look.

Rich installs the light fixture as Ty comes in. Gen asks Ty how he likes the walls; he says he likes them. He comments, "It's kind of like a cartoon house. I dig it." Gen: "Well...maybe in your world." Ty says he really likes the way the doors look. Gen giggles that they are kind of cartoony. They sure are. Ty and Gen get ready to install the headboard.

Patty applies the first stamp. Edward gives her lots of pointers, and it comes out fairly well. Wow. I personally would have stamped the fabric before sewing it, rather than risking a finished pillow case, but hey, these people like to live on the edge. Edward says that she can fill in the light spots with a black pen.