Portland: Rosemont Avenue

MPDP appears in a t-shirt and jeans, informing us that the crew is in Maine's largest city, Portland, which is one of America's oldest seaports. Our homeowners are -door neighbours Scott and Laura (the latter of whom is very pregnant), and Jean and Jim. MPDP tells us that Portland has survived fires and war, so they decided not to inflict Hildi on the poor beleaguered city. Nah, I kid. MPDP rambles about "revolutionizing" living rooms in two days and with $1000. The designers are Vern and Laurie, and the carpenter's Ty. You know, is it just me or has it been a while since Amy Wynn was around? I don't mind Ty too much, but a little mugging goes a long way. Laurie's also still very pregnant, so this must have been filmed this summer, before she went on maternity leave and gave birth to little Gibson Witherspoon (Hickson?) Smith. (By the way, Laurie, if you're reading this: congratulations! I'm sure all the ceiling-fan struggles in the world paled in comparison to pushing a human being out of yourself.) I've got a pregnant Laura and a pregnant Laurie. They're both redheads. Pay close attention, kids, so you don't get confused. Fortunately, they're not on the same team.

Scott and Laura are in their living room; he's playing their upright piano, and she's singing. MPDP tells us they're both musicians. Their living room is one of the most awkward spaces I can remember seeing on the show. The front door opens into a short hallway which, in turn, opens into the living room. To the immediate left, there's a doorway into another room (probably the dining room). to that there's a small red brick fireplace. to that, straight ahead on the left, there's a staircase. To the right, jammed into a corner of the room, are a white sofa and loveseat. They're not particularly huge, but there's so little useable space that the end of the loveseat blocks one end of the couch, and means you can't stand in front of the sofa's third cushion and sit down. There's also a bulky radiator in the corner where the two pieces of furniture meet. In addition, the small wooden coffee table is placed on the diagonal, so that much of it is hard to reach from a sitting position on the furniture, and the corner of it blocks access to the loveseat. There's a large window behind the loveseat and another one behind the sofa.

Further along the right-hand wall is the piano, and then another window. At the far end of the room are some shelves of books and CDS and records, and a TV, which is placed so far away from the upholstered furniture that I doubt you could watch it from there. There are a couple of straight-backed side chairs in the TV area, but they're placed facing the piano rather than the TV, and look almost as if they're for music practice, and not TV watching -- they certainly wouldn't be comfortable for long. But hey, maybe they're not TV people. I can't blame them. Look at all the crap on the tube. There's a smaller window above the TV. The room is divided by a chair rail; the upper part is wallpapered in a cream or pale yellow, and the lower part looks like it has some kind of coordinating navy wallpaper on it. The wood trim in the house appears to be all dark wood, except for the flooring which is much lighter hardwood. It's not a small space, but it's so awkwardly laid out and there are so many discontinuities that it's really hard to place furniture and there's a lot of wasted space. My living room is almost as awkward and it took a long time to figure out a good floor plan.

Laura acknowledges that the flow of furniture is a real problem, and that she would like to see something more workable. They want a space left for the piano since this is where they use it. She says they use the room for watching TV (how?), rehearsing music, and hanging out. They teach music in there, too. They use the room a lot. Scott says that they need more storage. They say that the floor is off-limits. Laura says it's fine if they remove the mirror above the fireplace, but that they'd like to see it stay the same. They have a ceiling fan; they don't mention it, but they can kiss that goodbye. Scott says that they have no real attachment to any of the furniture, but that they're going to have a piano in there one way or the other. Scott says that if they don't like the room, they'll redo it. Laura, in her third trimester, looks dismayed and says, "Eventually."

Jim and Jean's living room is much standard: a basic squarish shape, with two futon couches facing each other, one covered in burgundy, the other in a cinnamon colour. Between them there's a Southwest-style rug on top of the light-coloured hardwood floor. There's no coffee table. There's a small white TV cabinet against the wall perpendicular to the couches, and built into the wall to that there are a few drawers with an open shelf and a glass-enclosed cupboard above it. Behind the burgundy futon couch, there are three large windows covered with white tab curtains. The walls are a colour that's hard to describe: kind of greyish-mauve-taupe. Putty with a pinkish cast? Rosy stone? It's really hard to tell, and the television lighting doesn't help. The woodwork and trim is white.

Jim says that they mostly use the room as a play area for their daughter. Jean says that they don't entertain that much because of the way the room's set up. They don't like the futons. Jean: "We're ready for some grown-up furniture." Jean would like new lighting; we see a shot of the ceiling, which has one of those square, slightly convex glass light covers for a light fixture. The ceiling itself is covered with 12" square white tiles. Jim says he doesn't want the floors or the woodwork changed. One wall of the living room is actually mostly an opening to the dining room, which is also fairly large, almost huge (especially for a dining room), and somewhat sparsely furnished. The dining room is kind of a lichen colour.

Key swap. MPDP, perkolating (tm me) at a 3 out of 10, mentions that since Laurie and Laura, the two mothers-to-be, are on different teams, they might actually get some work done. She runs down the rules and they swap keys.

Scott and Laura find Vern measuring stuff. Laura says that Jim and Jean need storage. Scott thinks that the furniture has to go. I'm with him. Vern agrees; he describes it as "the futon museum." Vern says they're going to get some real furniture, organize the room better, add some colour, add a pair of French doors to define the room better, and do a new ceiling treatment. And get this -- are you sitting down? -- he's putting in a ceiling fan. Laura is stunned. She thinks that's awesome. They're also going to move the television into the built-in cabinet. I'm not too sure about that; it seems like it might be hard to watch, but I guess it will depend on the final furniture arrangement. They unload the room.

Jim and Jean find Laurie looking at a book of Klimt paintings in their neighbours' living room. Laurie shows them a painting of a water scene and tells them to keep an image of water in their heads -- that it will be somehow a theme in the room. She asks their ideas. Jean says it's dark in there. It doesn't especially strike me as dark; the windows are a good size and the walls are a light colour. I think it's more dull than dark. Jean wants to brighten it up. Laurie asks about the furniture arrangement, and Jim says that it's very cramped. Laurie suggests that they need storage for all their nice books and music. She mentions that she knows the piano is important, but adds that it's a big challenge; she says she'll explain what they're going to do with that later. That doesn't sound promising. That doesn't sound like the piano's going to be in the room at all. Hmm. They unload the room.

Vern and Ty discuss the installation of the French doors. They're pre-hung, but the opening in the wall is so large that they need to remove the molding, build the walls out a little bit, and then replace the molding. Ty outlines the fairly involved process, and Vern remarks, "And you have absolutely nothing to do for Laurie, right?" Ty jokes, "Yeah, she's got nothing going on." The bumper to the commercial shows Ty and Vern wrestling with a garden hose, each trying to spray the other.

Ty's trying to remove the molding in Vern's living room. They can't just bust it off, as is so often the case on this show, because they need to replace it once the wall is built out. There's an ominous cracking sound, and Ty makes a remark about the usefulness of caulk. ["I'll bet Ty is wont to make such remarks about caulk." -- Wing Chun]

Laurie explains that she left the piano in the room because she wanted to put it on the far wall, underneath the small window, where the bookshelves and TV used to be. Forum posters who are knowledgeable about pianos have pointed out that pianos should not be placed on outside walls, and I'm sure that's true. However, there is no way to place the piano against any wall in this room that's not an outside wall, so moving it from one outside wall to another is no big deal. I've been trying to estimate whether the piano could be placed on the wall that forms the right hand of the staircase. It would cover up part of the spindles, but that doesn't necessarily have to be a big deal. I just don't know if the area is long enough to accommodate the piano. The other option is to have the piano out in the centre of the room, but the back of an upright piano is nothing special to look at; that works better with a grand piano. Anyway, Laurie can't put it on the far wall anyway, because she's found out that the floor joists run parallel to the direction she wants to place it, and that means there won't be enough support for the piano. She's waiting for Ty to pronounce on the situation. The joists run perpendicular to where the piano currently stands, so that's okay. Now, I don't know if this is something she should have known about and thought to check on beforehand, but it seems like something a professional designer should know. I probably wouldn't have thought of it myself, but then, I'm not a professional designer, so I'd say I have a pretty good excuse. Mind you, their house seems like a sturdy, well-built, older place, but I don't know what a piano weighs or what typical loads a floor like that is expected to bear. Jim asks if there's anything they can do. Laurie acknowledges that music is the centre of Scott's and Laura's lives; she adds that she's arranged the room to the best of her ability to flow better, and that involves moving the piano to the far wall. Laurie says that the only thing they can do, if Ty confirms there's a problem, is keep the piano out, until Scott and Laura can have someone come and reinforce the joists.

Vern's outside with his team, and there are several large (probably 24" to 30" square) embossed metal ceiling tiles spread out in front of them on the lawn. First he wants to show Scott and Laura the colour scheme. Vern opens a can of a clear, cool yellow paint; kind of buttery. That's the wall colour. Laura hesitantly says, "Okay." Scott thinks it's great. Vern asks if Laura likes it; she tells him to keep going. Scott likes it. She says, "It's yellow." I'd say she doesn't care for yellow.

Ty, Laurie, and MPDP are in the basement checking out the joists. Ty doesn't think Laurie should move the piano where she wants it: "I wouldn't suggest putting a piano up there, or even a train caboose or anything." He says that the structure is solid, but you just never know, and he wouldn't recommend it.

Vern explains that the ceiling tiles are galvanized steel replicas of an authentic turn-of-the-century pressed tin ceiling tile pattern. They're going to prime and paint them white. Vern explains that in the early twentieth century, pressed tin ceilings became popular as a method to hide the original aging and damaged plaster ceilings in older homes. He says that in this living room, the plaster ceiling's been hidden with a dropped ceiling that lacks charm. There isn't enough money to do the entire ceiling, but they're going to put the tiles up in the centre section.

Laurie comes up and tells her team the piano's out of there: "Sad, but true." And that's the end of that. She moves on to the walls: it's bye-bye to the little Williamsburg apples on the wallpaper. She hands Jim and Jean a pair of respiratory masks and says they're going to seal the wallpaper with an oil-based primer. She'll have to leave and do some projects elsewhere because she can't be around the toxic fumes while she's pregnant. She instructs them on what to paint: everything, including the chair rail, except for the window casing and baseboards. They're asked to prime and paint the fireplace, too.

Vern asks his team if there are any questions. Laura says because the primer is oil-based, and she's pregnant, she's going to step out for that part. Vern's all for that.

Ty discusses Laurie's carpentry projects with her. She's doing a large bookcase, open at the front, and it will run to the ceiling with crown molding.

MPDP comes along and finds Scott priming ceiling tiles. She starts to help him paint, although he seems to be moving along quite quickly on his own. Scott says that before they were primed, it was like a tanning booth out there. Scott's enthused about the look of this ceiling.

Laurie shows Ty how she wants him to replace the existing mantel, which is 4" deep, with a piece that's at least 8" deep, to accommodate the hurricane lamps she wants to put there. Ty's all full of ideas about how to do this.