North Carolina: Southerby Drive

MPDP welcomes us to the show while walking down the street in North Carolina. In case you weren't sure where they are, MPDP is helpfully wearing a tight t-shirt that says, "The Burbs." Of course, her belly is sticking out. This week, they are in Garner, which is the home to many high-tech companies. This provides MPDP the opportunity to make some ill-advised puns on computer terms like "download" that fall flat.

The two husband-and-wife teams are Mir and Mike, and Jer and Jenny. They play horseshoes while MPDP voice-overs that they are all hoping for new rooms. Well, duh. The designers are Hildi and Doug, and the carpenter is Amy Wynn. The three of them row a boat across a lake. Push Hildi in! Come on! You know Doug would do it. It would be especially funny because she's wearing a leather coat, even though the weather appears mild at best.

MPDP tells us that Mike and Mir's bedroom is just that: a room with a bed in it. It really is. The bed doesn't even have a headboard, so it's really just a mattress on a frame, with some hand-me-down bedroom furniture. Mike says that they'd like an Asian influence, and Mir adds that she would like cool colors like green or blue, with black accents, and possibly another color as a "punch," like red. Mir adds that they love artwork, especially if it has a sentimental attachment, and that Mike is a painter. Mike says that they do want a contemporary look, but that they don't want it too vibrant, since it's a room for relaxation. Mir promises that they will each keep an open mind about it.

Jer and Jenny haven't gotten around to decorating their bedroom. Currently, it features white walls, a generic-looking bed, and some country oak furniture. Jenny says that she wants a change, but she doesn't' know exactly what she wants. Jer adds that they want warm colors, but also want to spice it up. Jenny talks about the bay window in the room, and says that she would like a window treatment, but wouldn't want anything built in front of it. She would like a covering that allows her to block out the streetlights at night, but also allow natural light to come in during the day. Jer wants something semi-European and something original. In other words, they really don't know what they want. One thing they didn't mention is that the two bedrooms look exactly the same to me, right down to the bay window.

MPDP tries to mix up the key swap by making the homeowners fill in the blanks. Just swap the keys and get a move on! No one cares about this part. MPDP babbles on about the key chains themselves, which she also did in the last episode I recapped. Is that her new shtick?

Jer and Jenny run into the house and meet up with Doug, who is adding some paint to an existing painting on the wall. Is he really painting that or just pretending? Who knows with Doug? Turns out that Mir did the painting when she was three. It's pretty cool. Doug asks what color they want. Jer says that it just needs color, period. Doug tells them that he's chosen a medium blue. Jenny wants an Asian look. Doug explains that they're going to take an eighteenth-century mural and paint it on the wall, add a bed made from PVC tubing, create an art sculpture, add curtains, build an armoire, and paint the dresser black. The colors will be blue, white, and gloss black. Since Doug always gives his rooms a title, this one is called "China Blue." Sounds like an ambitious plan to me. They unload the room.

Hildi welcomes Mir and Mike by asking them what they want to do, like they have any say in the matter. Mir says they want the room to be romantic, because Jer and Jenny are newlyweds. You'd think newlyweds of all people wouldn't need any help in the romance department. Mir points out that the bed needs help. Hildi says that she wants to relocate the bed, and that they are going to build a wall of Shoji screens. Mir doesn't like the sound of that. Hildi wants her to wait until she hears about the rest of the room, because it will be both relaxing and passionate. Hildi says that they will put the bed in front of the screens. But then won't the screens cover the bay window? It seems so, but Mir doesn't catch that, I guess. Hildi says they will also add a sofa and a chair, and new end tables. Hildi just keeps talking so that Mir can't protest anymore. Hildi says that they need to cover the floor in plastic to prepare for painting. They unload the room.

Doug is ready to reveal the paint color. He explains that there were two colors that were close to what he wanted -- one was lighter and one was darker. So he got two gallons of each, and they're going to mix them all together. Doug pours the paint into a plastic bucket and starts to mix it.

Hildi walks into her room with a paint sprayer and announces that this is how they will be painting the walls. Okay. I don't know what's wrong with a good old-fashioned roller and a brush, but whatever. ["After painting my living room four times in about five weeks, paint sprayers are starting to look pretty good." -- Deborah] The paint color is kind of a soft green, and Hildi hands her team facemasks to protect their lungs from inhaling paint fumes.

Doug stirs the paint and asks Jenny what she thinks of the color. She likes it, but Jer thinks it could be bluer, and that it has too much green in it. I think it's pretty blue, but Jer seems to think it's more turquoise or aqua. Doug, as usual, lies about the color and says that it's China Blue. Jer says that it will work. Doug's not worried about whether the paint is completely mixed because he can't take the time to get one of those stirring attachments and a drill, apparently.

Hildi and Mir leave Mike to spray-paint all of the walls and many pieces of furniture by himself. He doesn't look too happy about it. It still seems to me like that would waste a lot of paint.

Doug asks who wants to do the first roll of paint. Jenny rolls the paint on and Doug exclaims over how great the color is. Jer says that he likes it. Doug walks out and tells them to get painting while he goes to get some coffee and a donut.

Hildi shows Mir the bedspread fabric. It's a soft celery green, and Mir really likes it. The curtain fabric is a sparkly purple. Hildi says that the purple is for passion and the green is for relaxation.

MPDP walks into Doug's room, where everyone is painting. Doug calls MPDP "Sunshine," and she comments that he's bright and cheery so he must have something up his sleeve. Then, Jer knocks the paint over.

Mir asks Hildi how much the fabric costs, and how they are doing on their budget. Hildi calls Mir the "budget police" and then admits that she spent quite a bit on fabric: $400.

Amy Wynn walks over with a length of black PVC, and Doug asks what she thinks about making bedposts out of PVC. Amy Wynn thinks that it's a great way to save some money. Doug agrees that it's inexpensive, and shows Amy Wynn his sketch of the bed. Amy Wynn leans in and totally presses her boob against Doug's arm. I'm just saying. The bed has four posters and then two ladder-like structures where the headboard would go, since there will only be a curtain there.

Hildi brings in a couch and an armchair that she got for $30 in a store in Raleigh. Mir and Mike seem a bit doubtful until Hildi promises that the furniture will be recovered. Hildi grabs a black plastic garbage bag and I swear to God, I thought she was going to cover the chairs in black plastic. But she reaches inside and pulls out a bright purple velvet fabric. Mike and Mir think that the fabric is bright. Hildi says that it's royal purple.

Doug shows Amy Wynn his sketches for the armoire. It's not very high, because he wants the wall mural to show as much as possible. He also needs a museum box. Amy Wynn asks, "A donut on a square?" Doug says that he just needs a box, and gives Amy Wynn the dimensions.

MPDP walks in and tells Mir and Mike that they look concerned about the fabric. Hildi continues to unfold the fabric. Mir says that she was thinking of a darker purple. Hildi lies and says that it just looks bright to the white walls in the room. I mean, I know that wall color can affect how the fabric would look, but not that much. MPDP is more honest, as she admits, "Sometimes, you gotta get the purple you can afford."

Doug asks Jenny if she knows how to sew. Jenny doesn't, really. I'm totally distracted in this scene by the artwork behind them on the wall. I really, really want that artwork. Anyway, Doug has some white pillow shams and a white bedspread, and he wants Jenny to use fusing tape and an iron to attach black ribbon trim to all of the bedding.

Amy Wynn comes to talk to Hildi about her construction projects. Hildi laughs that she got stuck painting, as she slaps some green paint on a round piece of wood that will become tabletops when Amy Wynn cuts out the pieces for the base. Hildi is going to add a crackle glaze. When did she turn into Frank?

Doug asks Jenny if she likes the wall color. Jenny does. Doug asks why Jer doesn't like it, and Jenny says that he thinks it's too aqua. Doug brings up the fact that Jer had an aqua bedroom as a kid, and decides that it's something that Jer needs to work through. I can understand the aversion; I feel the same way about mauve, which is the color that I painted my bedroom as a teenager. Ugh.

Amy Wynn needs to discuss the seven Shoji screens with Hildi. Amy Wynn goes over the dimensions. Hildi explains that she's going to back the screens with wallpaper. So no light at all would get through. I thought she was going to use rice paper or vellum which would allow light to get through, since they're putting them in front of a window and all.

Doug shows Jenny the black and white curtains he is creating for the windows. Doug explains how the colors will match the bedspread and pillows.

The Paige Cam shows us that Mike is nearly finished spraying the paint on the walls and ceiling. MPDP asks Mike how much paint he inhaled. MPDP wishes that she had an x-ray machine so she could see inside his lungs. Yeah, because x-rays generally show color, right? Mike jokes that the Grinch lives inside him now. Another con to spraying on the paint, I guess.

Amy Wynn shows Jer how to use a router so that they can begin work on the armoire. If you've ever used a router, you know how it works. If you haven't, then my description of it certainly won't help.

Mir and Hildi start tearing the fabric from the couch. Tons of dust comes out, and Mir comments that she's glad that they moved the project outside, while Hildi coughs.

Jer successfully uses the router and then jokes that the sawdust tastes good.

Hildi and Mir have taken some of the fabric off the couch, and they shake out the dust. Hildi explains how they will add batting and then staple the fabric on.

Amy Wynn asks Jer what he thinks of the paint color in his room. Jer says that it's too teal for his tastes, and it feels like an aquarium. Amy Wynn asks if he's seen the design that will go on the walls, and Jer admits that he hasn't. Look at Amy Wynn sticking up for Doug. I think she has a crush on him.

Hildi shows Mir how she has wrapped batting on the chair, and cut out pieces of fabric to go over the top. They start attaching the fabric.

Amy Wynn and Jer glue the shelves into place, and then use a mallet to make sure that they stay in place.

Hildi has finished putting the batting on the couch. Mike says that it looks fresher. Hildi points out that now you can hit it and no dust comes out, since Mir beat the furniture with a broom. Mike jokes that some money fell out of the back, and Hildi tells him that she already took all of the money out of the furniture and added it to the budget.

Doug tells his team that he feels like a teacher because he has an overhead projector and a pointer. I would love to see Doug do a silent presentation set to music à laGiles in "Hush." That would be hilarious. Doug tells his team that the mural design he has picked is how the Europeans envisioned the Orient in the eighteenth century. Jer runs over and flips on the overhead projector.

Mike offers to help Amy Wynn with the Shoji screens. She tries to explain what they will look like, but then resorts to showing him using pieces of wood. Basically, they are tall wood frames with a grid inside, and then they'll be backed with wallpaper.

Now that the design is projected on the wall, Doug tells his team members to use chalk to trace the design quickly. Once the sketching is finished, they'll paint it on using quick brush strokes. Doug explains that the final design won't be as fussy as the projected image, and depending on time, they may take some images out to simplify things.