Deborah
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MPDP appears in yet another navel-skimming t-shirt and low-rider velveteen pants. ["With a lace-up front. Who is she, Jon Bon Jovi?" -- Kim] They're in Wake Forest, North Carolina, which is just outside of Raleigh. Laurie, Vern, and Amy Wynn appear eating ice cream cones, and MPDP informs us that they will be "adding their good taste to the town's southern flavour." I always wonder whether the introductory narratives are written beforehand, and the cast directed to perform as necessary, or if they just get to the town, figure it out when they arrive, and write it afterward. I think it's the latter. Laurie is pretty pregnant at this point. MPDP says that they have two ambitious designers and only one carpenter (why they perpetuate this myth when the show freely admits that there's a second carpenter who's never seen onscreen, I do not know) and adds, "Boy, am I going to have my hands full!" With...what, exactly? How hard is it to nag people?
We see the two pairs of homeowners having a squirt-gun fight on the lawn. Dominic and Karine want their living room done: it's a large white space, almost devoid of architectural features except for a small fireplace surrounded with a crown molding-type mantel. There are lots of framed photos and tchotchkes on the mantel. The room is very sparsely furnished, and everything's kind of mismatched: there's an old-fashioned desk in dark wood with a broken pediment; it looks like it could actually be a piece with some value. There's a spindly rocking chair, a small bookcase with lots of books on it; and a country-ish microwave cart in white wood and knotty pine with the TV on top of it in the corner. There's a tired-looking three-seater sofa in a white/off-white striped fabric, with a fairly cruddy-looking coffee table in front of it. Karine says she'd like to see the coffee table used as firewood. The sofa's in the corner, opposite the TV. On each of the two walls the sofa touches, there is one picture; both of them are way too small for where they're placed. The carpet is beige. Karine describes the room's style as "Early Garage Sale." Won't argue. Dominic wants to see the microwave table gone, and adds that they're fond of the desk, but that it can be painted or whatever. It doesn't look like a piece I'd want painted. It's the nicest thing in the room by a long shot. Dominic also says that he's really fond of the ceiling fan, adding, "I've had this conversation with a few of your people," meaning, I guess, the Banyan production staff, and while he knows that ceiling fans almost always come down, says that he feels very strongly that it should stay up. Yeah, good luck with that. I tell Frink, "He's so getting Laurie."
We get another shot of the room, this time looking past the sofa toward the front entrance. At the free end of the sofa, there's one of those hexagonal side tables with a lamp and some sort of huge teddy-bearish doodad on it. What the Frank? In front of one of the room's two windows, there's a very tired-looking upholstered chair with those wooden inserts by its "shoulders" that I don't understand. The chair is also pretty far away from the TV, and placed so that conversation with people on the sofa would be awkward at best. About four feet away from the chair, in the space between the windows, there's a teensy, fussy, two-tier lamp table with a lamp on it that's too large for the table. There are dark green curtains in a sheer fabric. The room is so oddly arranged and sparsely furnished that I kind of wonder if they removed some stuff they didn't want touched. Dominic advises us that he doesn't know too much about decorating and wants to see something that's "not crazy: not a lot of chrome, not a lot of stainless steel, not very contemporary, something traditional, warm, a darker colour...." He has a lot of strong preferences and ideas for someone who thinks he has no decorating style. I notice Karine almost imperceptibly shaking her head or nodding as Dominic speaks. He adds, "Pretty much, she buys the paint and I do what I'm told. Which is pretty much how this show runs...."
“ One of the posters is of two children kissing -- one of those ones you see at every mall. I have a particular aversion to posters of children kissing. ”
Brian and Carisse (I'm totally guessing at the spelling of her name) want their '80s bedroom updated. The bedroom is your basic white box with beige carpet. The bed has a large mirror for a headboard, on either side of which is a tall storage unit in white lacquer with cupboards at the top, an open area at bedside height, and then three drawers below. The two units are joined by a shelf that runs along the top of them. It's very dated-looking. Carisse tells us she's had it since she was ten years old. I'm guessing she's in her mid-twenties now. The bedspread is a wide diagonal print in alternating shades of medium and dark blues. There's a big blue bolster. The bedskirt appears to be black. In the corner to the bed, there's a white floor light and a wrought-iron hamper. There's a matching white lacquer dresser set with a huge round frameless mirror between the two windows on the wall perpendicular to the bed. The windows have white mini-blinds. Brian says it would horrify him to come in and find black, brown, or some major floral theme happening. There are lots of pictures on the dresser, and dolls and cutesy posters here and there. (One of the posters is of two children kissing -- one of those ones you see at every mall. I have a particular aversion to posters of children kissing.) Brian says they live in the South but he's "not a country bumpkin kind of guy." Carisse says she would love a canopy bed or a new dresser. They agree that the room needs some colour, and maybe some different lighting. Carisse says that the halogen lamp can go.
Time for the key swap. MPDP's new thing is to comment on people's keychains, attempting some weak jests, but no one cares. She reminds them of the rules, and off they go.
Dominic and Karine find Vern inspecting the room. He asks them, "What do we think about this room?" They all agree that something has to be done about the furniture; Vern pronounces it "last millennium." Karine thinks they need to make it reflect Carisse and Brian better: they're young and bold and fun and so forth. Vern plans to reorient the room, do some space planning, give Brian and Carisse more functional furniture, make a canopy-type bed with new bedding, make it more romantic, and "the ceiling fan, of course, is history." They start clearing the room, with the usual goofiness that entails.
Brian and Carisse find Laurie in a green shirt and black pants. I'm guessing we're getting a green room with black furniture (but she faked us out on one recent episode, wearing a top that didn't coordinate with the wall colour, so who knows). Laurie doesn't solicit much from her team in the way of input, and tells them the microwave cart has to go, and that she's planning to build two "really fabulous" pieces to flank the fireplace, one of which will house the TV. Laurie describes her desire to impose some sort of style and order on this "mismatched" room; Carisse volunteers the description "yard sale," and Laurie says that she won't argue with that. She wants to create new lighting and window treatments and bring in some bold colour and lots of interesting fabrics. She says they're going to create some new seating for them. Given how this room progresses, I have to wonder what she meant by that. I think she meant a new seating arrangement. They clear the room.
“ Laurie expresses her dismay at finding that the sofa, around which she planned her room, is actually very stained and dirty. She doesn't use the word 'skanky,' but she could. ”
Vern is taking down the ceiling fan; he wonders if Brian and Carisse will be okay with that. Karine says they will. Vern is surprised: "No protest? From the state of North Carolina?" Nope, but I bet about 50% of our forum posters will have something to say about it.
Brian and Carisse are taping; Laurie tells them not to look while she rolls the first strokes of paint on the wall. It's a very bold grass green. I might not choose it myself, but I like it, and it's an interesting and atypical choice. Carisse says, "Oh my God...."
Vern reveals his fabrics, which he got at his "favourite store in Chicago." The first thing he shows us is a pillow in (reddish) wine-coloured satiny fabric, with a large L embroidered on it in white thread, in exactly the cursive style of the monograms Laverne used to wear on all her clothes on Laverne and Shirley. Karine oooohs. I have no idea what is up with that; since neither Dominic nor Karine says anything about it, I must assume that Brian and Carisse's last names must start with L. Or it's for love. Apparently someone had it custom-embroidered, but it was the wrong colour; Vern, no doubt, got it for a song. He then shows some (purplish) wine-coloured fabric for the curtains, and some grey men's suiting fabric for bedding and chair reupholstery. There's also some striped fabric in grey and a reddish wine colour that he doesn't talk about. He then decides to show them the paint, and we go to commercial, which is a little weird. Usually they don't cut to commercial there.
Vern shows a can of black paint and a can of a soft medium grey. (He opens the cans right to his fabric, too. I would be way too scared of my own clumsiness to have any of my fabrics near paint cans, but I guess Vern's a professional.) The black is for the furniture, and the grey is for the walls. Vern paints some grey on the walls, making a little diagram of his plan for the bed and canopy and headboard. He says it will be nice and romantic.
Brian and Carisse are exclaiming that Dominic and Karine are going to love the wall colour. Laurie shows them a small swatch of the fabric she's using for the pillows in the room: it's a sunny yellow with a floral print on it; she's pulled the green from the leaves on the fabric. Carisse gyrates with joy and Brian's on board, too.
MPDP asks Karine if she likes the grey wall colour. They chit-chat about the furniture colour.
Laurie and her team paint while Laurie expresses her dismay at finding that the sofa, around which she planned her room, is actually very stained and dirty. She doesn't use the word "skanky," but she could. She's freaking out because she doesn't have money in the budget for a slipcover. ["I think I had a nightmare about this -- that I went on Trading Spaces and the world got to see what a terrible house cleaner I am. I obviously have some issues." -- Kim]
“ MPDP asks Laurie to fill her in on what's happening with the sofa. Laurie asks, 'Have you seen it?' MPDP has. Laurie: 'Yeah, it's nasty.' Hey Laurie, take a page from Hildi's book: ruin it with hot pink spray paint and then get the show to pony up another $500 for a new one. ”
Vern primes little wooden cubes as he banters with Amy Wynn about his carpentry plans.
Karine asks Dominic what he thinks about the bedding colours as he tapes and she paints. He says he doesn't particularly like them, but they're not for him; he thinks Carisse and Brian will like them. Karine asks what he would do if their living room was like that; he says he'd be painting it weekend.
Vern is showing one of his perfect architectural drawings to Amy Wynn. He explains that their lacquered furniture can't be primed and painted very effectively, so he wants to secure new paintable surfaces to the drawer fronts. Amy Wynn leans her head on Vern's shoulder as he talks. Maybe Doug is somewhere seething with jealousy. There's also going to be a desktop that goes across the old dresser. That's the first project; the second one is the headboard, which has some sort of accent lighting installed in it underneath Plexiglas. Amy Wynn says she loves it. Vern plans to put some purple and amethyst glass vessels on top of it, and the light will illuminate them from underneath.
Over in the living room, MPDP announces that the colour is even more fantastic than she imagined it to be. Laurie kvells. Laurie points out that she and MPDP colour coordinate "today," since MPDP's shirt is also green. MPDP asks for and receives assurances that the team loves the colour. She asks Laurie to fill her in on what's happening with the sofa. Laurie asks, "Have you seen it?" MPDP has. Laurie: "Yeah, it's nasty." Hey Laurie, take a page from Hildi's book: ruin it with hot pink spray paint and then get the show to pony up another $500 for a new one. MPDP reminds Laurie that she has no more money in her budget. Laurie says she can return some things tonight if she has to, but she'd really rather not. Laurie says they've got some heavy-duty cleaner and they're going to try to clean it. MPDP, possibly remembering the aforementioned couch debacle, quietly asks, "And that's not going to ruin the couch?" Laurie: "The couch is ruined." They laugh.
Vern's outside with Karine, showing her some artwork he wants to use. He colour-copied some black and white abstract images by skewing the settings on the machine so that they're a fairly bright blue. I'm not a fan of abstract art myself, and I'm not sure how this blue will work with the colour scheme he's already defined. He mentions they had "kiddy art" in the room, and he wants to give them more of an "adult kick." He asks Karine to pick two more images to go with the one he's already chosen and framed.
Carisse, MPDP, and Laurie have got the sofa outside and are going at it with scrub brushes. I'm thinking it's maybe not the hottest idea to be doing this in full sunlight; it seems to me that the light could add to any splotches or stains. MPDP says it doesn't look so bad in the sunlight, except for one flap that she holds up. Skanky Cam: man, it is nasty. Ew. It's spotted, stained, yellowed, you name it. It looks like they have an incontinent pet or something. MPDP starts on the cushions.
“ MPDP empties a washing machine. She holds something up which could be a pair of underwear, and kind of shows it to the camera. I don't even want to know. ”
Vern and Karine continue working on the art.
Carisse can't tell whether she's doing a good job. Laurie says that since the sun is moving and they're half in the shade now, they may have to migrate to the yard.
Vern and Dominic start covering the canopy pieces with fabric.
Laurie talks to Amy Wynn about her projects. She's got a drawing showing two built-in cabinets on either side of the fireplace. I figured, when she described it earlier, that one of them would be designed to have the TV at eye level, but the shelves are all too close for that, and I guess she means to put the TV inside one of the lower cabinets. I think it will be way too low. She says she wants to "encapsule" [sic] the TV.
Vern shows Dominic the finished side of the piece they've just done, covered in some of the grey men's suiting. It's more of a tester idea than a canopy, since nothing's supporting anything over the bed; rather, there's going to be a fabric-covered frame attached to the ceiling, to which curtains are attached inside.
Laurie finishes describing the cabinets to Amy Wynn. They agree to talk about the coffee table later. Seems like Amy Wynn wants to get moving.
Paige Cam. Karine and Dominic are painting two chairs black. The Paige Cam finds Carisse lying on the skanky couch, pretending to clean but really, doing jack. Carisse giggles about working on her tan, and says she needs a nap. Holy cow, we're not even halfway through the first day, are we? The bumper to the commercial shows Brian holding a bunch of white fabric (the sofa cushion covers?) as MPDP empties a washing machine. She holds something up which could be a pair of underwear, and kind of shows it to the camera. I don't even want to know. I think it's one thing to let people in to redecorate your house, but I'm not sure Americans expect the cast to come in and ransack their lingerie drawers and root through their laundry.
Vern and Dominic are removing the upholstery and decorative nails from an old wood-frame chair that Vern found a local salvage place. He jokes about Brian and Carisse's bedroom being from the (19)80s and this chair being from the 1880s. The upholstery's pretty ugly -- some kind of orangey patterned velveteen -- but the chair itself has good lines, generous proportions, and what looks like a comfortable pitch to its back. Vern says they're going to give it a sleeker look -- but the style of the wooden frame is very old-fashioned and has carved detail. I don't know how sleek you can make something like that. Vern says they're going to replace the cushions because he thinks the existing ones might be a bit of a health hazard. I'm not sure why; they look like they're in good shape. Maybe they stink. Vern drapes the grey fabric over the chair, and says that they're going to paint the frame in the semi-gloss black paint, and add an accent pillow. He says the whole chair project will cost about $125, and he's pretty stoked about that.