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MPDP welcomes us again to Texas. I know Texas is a big state and all, but this is getting ridiculous. At least they've retired the cowboy clichs. This week, we are in a suburb of Dallas. The designers this week are Laurie and Frank, and Ty is the carpenter. Oh, dear. It appears that one of the homeowners likes to dress up her dog in crazy outfits. That's so sad. The poor dog. Ty looks just as horrified as I feel by the dog's dinosaur outfit.
Tracey's den will be redecorated. Her friend Jeff will be helping her out. I'm nosy, so I would like more information on this friend Jeff. Is he a boyfriend? A former boyfriend? A college buddy? A co-worker? How do they know each other? I realize none of that is material to the episode, but like I said, I'm nosy. Anyway, Tracey's den is "the largest room in her house," and as such gets a lot of use. It currently has wood paneling on all of the walls, and decent green furniture. There's a brick fireplace, but the brick is gray and has weird black shapes painted (?) on it. ["I don't know what was going on with that fireplace, but whatever it was, it looked awful. I think someone attempted to give it texture and depth by painting black slashes on it. Did Frank already do this room once before?" -- Deborah] Tracey is the one who dressed up her dog; the dog is now in a cowboy outfit, complete with little hat. The dog looks at the camera as if to say, "Please? Help me?" ["Maybe PeTA could stop paying nubile women to pose nude for anti-fur ads and actually help some poor animals to stay nude...as God intended them to be." -- Deborah] Tracey says that her room is nice and big, and that she likes to entertain there, but that she's embarrassed about the paneling. I feel her. My dining room has paneling and I'm counting down the days until I can afford to get rid of it. And I also apologize for it the minute anyone sets foot in my house. Tracey says that she's tried to compensate for the paneling by adding Southwestern accents.
Rick and Holly are newlyweds who like to travel and decorate their house, but they haven't always been happy with the results. Holly says that they just redid their eat-in kitchen last year, but that they're not really happy with it. The kitchen has off-white cabinets with gray-blue accents. Rick adds that they got his grandmother's china as a wedding gift, and they would like to be able to display it. It's currently in that corner shelf unit that Ikea sells. I nearly bought that the one and only time I went to Ikea, but it wouldn't fit in our car, and we live too far away (and in another country) to ship it. Holly says that she's okay with TS changing the chairs and the floors, but she wouldn't want fabric on her walls, because it would retain food odors, and she burns things a lot. Heh.
“ MPDP uses a more irritating voice than usual to voice the dog, and everyone laughs politely, but you know they are thinking, 'Just give us the damn keys!' ”
It's time for the Swapping of Keys. MPDP makes fun of one of the homeowners' key chains. I'm going to guess that it belongs to Tracey, since it features a dog puppet. MPDP uses a more irritating voice than usual to voice the dog, and everyone laughs politely, but you know they are thinking, "Just give us the damn keys!" MPDP finally gives up the keys.
Rick and Holly arrive at Tracey's house. Rick carries Holly over the threshold, because they're newlyweds. Does that mean that when I get married, J-Dawg has to carry me over every threshold we encounter for the first year? Because I think he might need a brace or something. That's a lot of heavy lifting. MPDP voice-overs that Frank is fighting a cold and losing his voice. Rick and Holly arrive. Frank asks what they see in the room. Holly wants new walls, and Rick wants different colors. Frank agrees, and says that they are going to use the throw pillows on Tracey's couch as their color key. The pillows are kind of a watercolor-looking grid pattern. ["They look exactly like something Frank would make -- in his typical colour palette, too." -- Deborah] Frank says that he plans to introduce a new wall color, textured panels, a new color for the fireplace, additional art, a new entertainment unit, and a new rug. Overall, he wants to take the existing Southwestern theme and "push it over." Frank is going to go over the top with a theme? I don't believe it! Frank wants to make the room more inviting and less bland. Holly and Doug are with him. They clear the room.
Tracey and Jeff arrive at Rick and Holly's house. Jeff takes a pratfall. Leave the pratfalls to Ty, dude. And they're not really funny when he does them, either. Laurie welcomes them and compliments Jeff's knit hat, which features earflaps. Tracey explains that Jeff wants to be like Ty. You know, I used to like Ty a lot when I first started watching the show, but he's been grating on me lately. Jeff looks like Rich Robinson from the Black Crowes, with shorter hair. ["To me, he looked like a thinner, better-looking version of Jeff Richards, that new guy on Saturday Night Live who does Louie Anderson and Drunk Girl." -- Wing Chun] Laurie says that she wants to "really transform this space with paint and some cabinetry." Laurie asks if they have any last-minute input. Tracey says that she knows Rick and Holly want to display their china, and Laurie says that they are definitely going to do that. They clear the room.
Frank examines the paneling and says that there is nothing underneath it but studs and insulation. Holly asks how much it would cost to sheetrock it. Frank says that it would cost a lot more than they have. And it would be a lot of damn work. That's a big room.
Jeff and Tracey try to take down the existing fluorescent rectangular light in the kitchen. Laurie says that she hopes there is just a small hole in the ceiling, so that they can hang the new hanging fixture she bought. Laurie jokes that she's going into labor from lifting the heavy light fixture. Ha ha. Ha? The bumper shows that poor dog in the sad costume again.
Texas: Sutton Court
Rick and Holly tape off the paneling. Frank tells them that when they are done taping, they need to prime the paneling and prime the fireplace. He asks if they are okay with painting the fireplace, and they are. I'm usually very much against painting brick, but I am all for covering up that hideous thing. Frank says that the exterior of the house is painted brick, so he didn't think Tracey would mind. He adds that he has a rule about painting brick, but adds, "If any brick in this planet ever deserved painting, you're looking at it."
Tracey and Jeff manage to get the light fixture down from the ceiling. They try to set it down gently while Laurie celebrates the fact that there is only a small hole in the ceiling.
Ty sits down with Frank to go over the carpentry required. Frank shows Ty a sketch of some pre-made cabinets and shelving, but it turns out that Frank doesn't have the budget for his original plans, so they have to redesign it.
Laurie tells Tracey and Jeff that she "strongly dislike[s]" the molding in the room. It appears to be fairly thin molding, but at the corners, there are decorative pieces that Tracey points out look like pieces of a picket fence. Laurie says that it's unfortunate, and she wants to take it down, but she's worried that if she takes it down, it will leave a crack between the top of the wall and the popcorn ceiling. I have no idea what that means. All I took away from this controversy was that Laurie's afraid that if she takes the molding down, it will look awful and they won't have time or money enough to fix it. But they can't find out unless they take it down. ["She was worried that the popcorn ceiling was done after the molding was installed, as opposed to having the molding installed over it, and that removing the molding would leave an obvious groove of flat, un-popcorned ceiling around the edges." -- Deborah]
Ty and Frank are still designing a new entertainment center. Frank lists off some measurements and a description of what needs to go inside. Frank wants some Mission-style lattice on the doors.
Laurie explains that they are going to paint the walls, and paint right over the molding to try to minimize it. They're going to paint the ceiling in the kitchen area, which is currently the same blue-gray as the walls, but they aren't going to paint the cream-colored ceiling over the table, because there isn't a delineation between that area and the rest of the house, and it would look weird.
Frank shows Holly a saddle that he's going to put on a bench to make a footstool. Oh, dear. That's so Frank. Holly jokes that it still smells like a horse. I think she's joking. I hope she's joking. ["Bet she isn't." -- Deborah]
“ Laurie says she knows that it looks similar to the current wall color, but that it's actually very different. Heh. She's starting the damage control already. ”
Laurie pulls out a note that Holly left for them. I would love to see what that note said. There is a picture of what the kitchen looked like before Holly and Rick redid it a year ago; there was a wallpaper border and no molding. They all laugh because they were ripping on the molding earlier, and to the camera, Tracey apologizes to Holly.
Rick is still priming the walls while Frank and Holly make basket lamps. Frank picks up a cylindrical basket and shows how he has cut a hole in the bottom.
Laurie reveals the paint colors. The wall and ceiling color looks beige in the can, but it's actually kind of gray. Just wait. Laurie says she knows that it looks similar to the current wall color, but that it's actually very different. Heh. She's starting the damage control already. The trim will be white.
Frank explains to Holly that they are going to put cylindrical light fixtures inside the baskets, and surround them with dried plants. Does that seem like a fire hazard to anyone but me?
Laurie starts rolling the paint on the wall, and it's exactly the same color. Exactly the same. You can't even tell where she's painted and where she hasn't. Laurie screams with laughter, and Jeff says that at least the painting will be done quickly -- in fact, they are already done.
Frank shows Holly how to hot-glue birch branches to the outsides of the baskets. Okay. I thought the dried stuff was going to go inside the baskets, right to the light fixtures. I'm not so worried about fires now.
Laurie tries to convince Tracey and Jeff that the paint is going to dry dark gray. They laugh at her.
Frank shows Rick the decorative wood elements that he wants to put on either side of the fireplace. Frank draws a wavy line that will be cut out with a jigsaw. Okay, I was all for painting the fireplace, but this "decorative element" already looks dumb. Frank emphasizes that he doesn't want to cover up the gas jet, so that Tracey can still turn the fireplace off in an emergency. Shout-out to Crying Pam!
MPDP complains that it's late in the morning on Day One, and there has still been no dramatic color change in either house, and she hopes something interesting happens soon. That was a weird transition.
Tracey and Jeff try to pry the molding from the wall. Tracey has some difficulties, but Jeff assures Laurie that it's going to work. Laurie keeps saying, "The ceiling's fine, right? It's all good, right?" Jeff is sure that it is, but Tracey isn't answering. She finally pries a piece of molding away and announces that the ceiling is intact.