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MPDP opens the episode with her usual lame introduction, except this time it's not full of Texas clichs, which is a relief. She's wearing jeans and a denim jacket, with flowered shirt underneath. MPDP announces that they are in Plano, a suburb of Dallas. Hey! I've been there! There were a lot of really big houses that all looked the same, and most of them were made of brick. And the highways were very new and unsullied by the salt, snow, and mud that we get where I live. Hey, I was only there one night. I don't remember much. The only other thing I know about Plano is that I saw a documentary on MTV with Serena Altschul about a terrible heroin problem amongst teen residents. So there's that.
MPDP voice-overs that the designers today will be Doug and Hildi, and that Ty will be the carpenter. They are all at a petting zoo or feeding farm or some such thing. Doug is trying to convince some goats to move, which isn't working. Is that a metaphor for working with stubborn homeowners? Hildi bottle-feeds a goat. Hildi and Doug then tie Ty to a pony with a rope. I don't know what that was all about. ["Well, I...no. Not gonna go there." -- Deborah]
Now it's time to meet the two teams. Both teams consist of a husband and wife. Just to make things confusing, both wives are named Angie. The two Angies are "amateur decorators" who recently started their own interior decorating business. We see them putting some sort of rickrack around the bottom of a lampshade. Their husbands, Jeff and John, will assist them.
The first Angie -- who I'm going to call Blue Angie, because that's the color shirt she wears throughout -- is married to John. Blue Angie says that she and Red Angie decided that they should get paid for all of the decorating work that they were doing, since they were making pillows, lampshades, table runners, and curtains. I get the feeling that the two Angies sit around with their friends and just squeal over how cute things are, and aren't they just darling, and don't you just love it? Anyway, Blue Angie and John have a game room that also serves as a play area for their four sons. It's very bland -- white walls, beige rug, white furniture. Blue Angie says that their game room hasn't been decorated because it wasn't a priority. She's hoping that they get more storage, because while she loves her kids, she doesn't want to look at their toys. John says that since they have four boys, certain colors "would definitely not work, like pinks, purples, things like that -- oranges." Oh, heaven forbid their boys have to play in a pink room! They might turn out...funny. Because you know, pink walls are what turn boys gay. Even in Texas. I kind of hate Blue Angie and John already. Blue Angie wants the design to be something they can keep for a while; she doesn't want to have to change it in six months because the boys are tired of what is on the walls. They're kids. They don't care about the wall color. John wants the kids to be able to get to the toys they want, and also have a place to put them when they are done. John particularly doesn't want to "step on a Hot Wheel at two in the morning." It bugs me that these two are pretending the room is all about their kids, when clearly Blue Angie just wants it to look pretty and John wants it to be neat, and they really don't care what their kids want. Which is fine -- they own the house; the kids don't. But don't pretend it's all for the children.
Across the street, Red Angie and Jeff live in another McMansion, and they want a new master bedroom. Red Angie says that they are "excited to have the opportunity to work with a real professional." Jeff doesn't think that their room has much personality. I don't know. It looks decent to me. ["It's not horrendous -- just blah. I like it better when the 'befores' are real horrors." -- Deborah] The walls are a pale green, and the furniture is a dark wood -- mahogany? The headboard is actually a mirror, which suggests a higher kink factor than I would expect from this couple. Go, Red Team! It's a very nice Pottery Barn-looking room. Except that they have a duvet on the bed with no cover, so it's just white and doesn't really go with the room. I think they just threw that on there so that the designer would give them a new one, or at least a new cover. I can't believe that someone who fancies herself a designer by trade wouldn't have a fancy duvet cover. Red Angie says that they are hoping for beautiful linens and warm colors. Red Angie would love to see "reds, golds, browns, warm tones." Red Angie says that they are risk-takers, and that they're ready for something new. ["'Risk-takers'? Didn't she also say they're 'eclectic'? From what I can see of this house, neither of these things is actually the case. But maybe they have an Industrial Zen Goth dungeon in the house somewhere." -- Deborah]
MPDP explains the rules to the two couples. MPDP asks whether anyone else is worried about the potential "artistic differences" that are going to come up between the amateur designers and the professional designers. Blue Angie foreshadows, "We shall see!" Before MPDP can do the key swap, Blue Angie presents her with a gift -- a small lamp with an elephant as the base and a leopard-print shade. It's cute and all, but the whole gesture seemed kind of false. Like, if they really just wanted to give MPDP something, they could have done it off-camera. It kind of comes off as their trying to promote their business, and less a gesture of goodwill.
Blue Angie and John head into the house, where they find Hildi waiting in the bedroom. Hildi opens by saying that the room looks done to her, so she wonders what they want her to do. It really does look fine. John wants Hildi to make it better. Blue Angie wants to change the color on the walls. Hildi says that she would like to give the room a new look. She's noticed that the room looks the same as the rest of the house, and she wants to make it different. Which I guess is her job and all, but it seems like it would be a bit jarring. Hildi points out that the room is narrow and long, with the window on the short wall. She wants to position the bed in front of the windows. Right now, the bed is on one of the long walls, with the armoire opposite, and it cuts the room in half and creates dead space in front of the windows. Hildi wants to paint the walls, change the curtains, change the carpet, and change the moldings. John and Blue Angie joke, "Is that all?" Hildi says that they're also going to put a bench at the end of the bed so that the children will have somewhere to sit and watch television. Why can't they just sit on the bed? I don't try to understand what Hildi thinks children do. They clear the room.
Red Angie and Jeff head into the house, where they find Doug using a toy vacuum. John is worried about his boys having pink walls, but he lets them play with a toy vacuum? Doug asks what Red Angie and Jeff want to do to the room. There are huge windows on one wall of the room, but they have a view out onto their neighbor's house, which looks like it's about ten feet away. It's like a New York City highrise or something. ["That's because it is ten feet away. Yeah, the brick wall view of your neighbour's McMansion is one of the great features of these enormous houses and two- and three-car garages crammed together on their small suburban lots. My first thought when I saw the view was, 'Tenement.'" -- Deborah] ["Hey! Our house is about three feet from our neighbour's. It's not all bad." -- Wing Chun] Red Angie explains that Blue Angie loves her kids but doesn't want to see their stuff, and that she wants something they can grow into. Hmm. That sounds amazingly similar to what Blue Angie actually said in her interview. I think some coaching took place here. Doug (who got a haircut and is looking -- dare I say it -- freaking hot) ["I must admit, Doug is growing on me." -- Deborah] explains that they are going to add bifold doors in front of the storage closet, and add an armoire for the television as well as additional toy storage. They'll also be painting the walls moss green (which Red Angie loves), and Doug plans to call the room "Moss Madness." Doug explains that they're going to give the room a country feel by putting some beams on the ceiling, which features a gambrel roof. Red Angie winces at the mention of country, so Doug changes the word to "rustic." It's still country. That roof makes the room look like a barn. And doesn't fit with the rest of the house. I don't understand that at all.
Hildi tells John that she wants to remove the molding and replace them with twelve-inch boards. She says that it will give the room a modern, boutique look. Hildi bought some shelving made of MDF, but they have a bullnose edge, so that it will look more finished. ["And who doesn't want their bedroom to look like a commercial space? Everybody in GAP!" -- Deborah]
Doug shows off his paint color to Red Angie and Jeff. It's very green. Almost lime green. ["He called it moss; I'd call that lichen. But then later in the show, depending on the lighting, it looked like a darker, cooler green, so who knows?" -- Deborah] Red Angie isn't sure about the color. Doug points out that there is green throughout the house. Red Angie asks if it will dry darker, and Doug says it will. That may be true, but it's also true that Doug will say anything to get his homeowners to agree to follow his plans. I kind of admire that. ["He's so shameless that way. And somehow that's slightly hot." -- Deborah] Doug explains that the paint will go on the walls and ceiling, and there will be white accents. Red Angie asks if the paint is called "celery." Doug checks the lid and says that it's called "Green Sulfur Moss." I don't know that "Green Sulfur" is a good name for paint; it makes me think of bacteria. Doug laughs and admits that he added the word "moss" on the end.
Plano: Shady Valley Road
“ John is surprised to hear that they are going to change the carpet. Blue Angie quickly agrees to do it. Probably because she thinks that Hildi might actually know what she's doing. ”
Hildi tells Blue Angie and John that they are going to paint the molding the same color that the carpet will eventually be. John is surprised to hear that they are going to change the carpet. Blue Angie quickly agrees to do it. Probably because she thinks that Hildi might actually know what she's doing. Hildi reveals her paint colors -- white, and bright, construction-sign orange. Blue Angie comments that it's bright. Hildi asks John where he thinks the paint is going. Blue Angie thinks that the molding is going to be orange; Hildi says that she's right, and that's how you can tell that Blue Angie is a designer. Wow, that was kind of condescending.
Ty comes to find out what projects Doug needs him to do. Doug explains that he wants boards on the upper walls and ceilings to create a rustic look. Ty thinks that it will be a lot of work. Doug sketches what he wants, which is basically a sunburst-type design at the tops of the walls up to the ceiling. Ty doesn't look too pleased at the thought of having to cut and nail up all those boards.
Hildi tells her team that not only are they painting the moldings bright orange, but that they are also dyeing the carpet the same color. Blue Angie purses her lips and doesn't say much. I just figured out what bugged me so much about her in this episode: it wasn't so much that she argued with Hildi and resisted Hildi's ideas. It was that at no time did she appear enthusiastic or excited about the changes being made. She seemed like she was just going along with it. So why go on the show at all, when there are tons of people who would love to have their rooms redone? Not me, but tons of other people? ["Yeah, me either. But tons of other people, obviously." -- Deborah]
Doug tells Ty about the six-foot-wide armoire he needs built. Ty writes down the measurements. Doug says that he needs it to house the television and lots of toys, but other than that, Ty can do what he wants. Ty asks how tall it needs to be, and Doug says seven feet. That's huge! Six feet wide and seven feet high? But it is an oversized room, so I guess it'll work out. Doug whispers that he wants it to have a country sort of feel. Ty doesn't pick up on the cue that Doug is trying to keep this a secret, and he says, "Country?" in an outside voice. Ty thinks that rustic is a new look for Doug, which is exciting. Ty suggests that they weave strips of wood together for the doors so that it has a basket effect. He sketches it out for Doug, who likes it. ["I like it, too -- I'm almost as partial to basketweave as I am to Vern -- but way to make the project more complicated and time-consuming, Ty." -- Deborah]
MPDP hops outside, where John and Blue Angie are rolling the orange paint onto the moldings. MPDP asks what they think of the color. John thinks it's pretty. Blue Angie isn't so sure about it, and says that she's "so-so with it."
Plano: Shady Valley Road
Red Angie says that she has "a little bit of concern about the ceiling." Doug sits down and asks what her problem is. Except that he says it more nicely. Which is surprising, considering that it's Doug. Red Angie is concerned that the room will look like a barn. Doug admits that it will look rustic, but Blue Angie has four kids, so he wanted to give them some atmosphere. Red Angie still isn't buying it. Doug whispers, "She has four kids. Country home. She's in denial." I don't know what he's talking about, but I know where the words are coming from -- his ass.
MPDP watches Blue Angie and John paint, and comments, "You have a lot of these to do!" Yeah, that's so helpful, MPDP. Why don't you pick up a roller and pitch in? Blue Angie says that she likes the idea of height for the molding.
Doug shows Red Angie a picture of the room as it was; he has drawn in the boards on the ceiling. Red Angie admits that it adds some architectural interest to the room. I'm totally on board with Doug's idea, and I usually don't love country style that much. And I'm not just saying that because my new house has wood beams in the living room. At least they're not made of Styrofoam, like the beams my friend Mary had in nearly every room of her new house; when they pulled them down, they found that the beams were there to cover the cracks between the drywall on the ceiling, which had not been patched. But I'll save that one for the forums. Still. Styrofoam. ["I'm reeling. After all I've seen and done, I shouldn't be, but I am. What the hell is wrong with people? No, don't even try to tell me." -- Deborah] Doug says, "The architects here...well, I have no comment on the architects. I'm sure they're nice people. You know, the interiors of these homes, they're very hard to decorate. Because you've got all these angles." ["Not to mention, almost zero architectural interest. I was laughing my ass off at his obvious contempt for this style of 'architecture.' Because I hate it, too. Loving Doug so much in this episode." -- Deborah] Doug points out that it's hard to tell where the ceiling ends and the wall begins, and that his plan will delineate that line.
MPDP asks Blue Angie and John what they think of Hildi's plan to dye the carpets, and says that she's not sure she even understands it. I think that applies to a lot of Hildi's "designs," actually. Blue Angie says that she thinks the carpet is polyester or acrylic; therefore, she doesn't think the carpet will accept the dye so that it will be the same intensity as the paint. She suspects that the carpet will end up peach instead of orange. ["I wouldn't be at all surprised. Some idea Hildi's never tried doesn't work out? Goodness." -- Deborah] Blue Angie says she's willing to do a test patch. In the tone you use to ask if your evil mother is willing to stop beating you with wire hangers, MPDP asks whether Hildi is willing to do a test patch. Blue Angie thinks that Hildi will do it.