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MPDP welcomes us to the show. This week, she is wearing an ill-advised denim duster that causes me to think of "Blaze of Glory" by Bon Jovi. MPDP says that they are just outside of Houston, and that everything is bigger in Texas. Since they blew their wad on the NASA references in the last episode, and they're still in Houston, they're just going with the "bigger" theme tonight. Why do they need a theme at all? The themes annoy me. MPDP wonders if the designers can fit their "Texas-sized plans" into the small "Trading Spaces-sized budget."
Laurie and Doug run on some rocks across an artificial pond as MPDP voice-overs their introduction. Amy Wynn will be the carpenter. MPDP announces that the swap is slightly different, because they will be trading apartments instead of houses. So this is an apartment complex? Man, it's pretty nice. MPDP wonders if she should give them "a smaller budget for their tighter spaces." I also hate the conceit that MPDP is in charge of the budget, like the money is coming directly out of her pocket. This isn't Iron Chef and she's not Kaga Takeshi, although her clothes might make you think otherwise. ["Bwa! Maybe she and Kaga can do Battle Suede." -- Deborah]
The first set of homeowners consists of newlyweds Cassandra and Justin, who want to "wake up their boring beige living room." Meanwhile, their friends Amanda and Lindsey are "looking for more spirit and color in their living room." Lindsey says that they want the room to look "a little more shocking," and unique. Amanda is looking for "bold colors, crazy stuff, think we're weird, whatever." Amanda adds that they are happy Doug will be designing their room, because he does more "artsy funky" designs with a modern look. However, they are not excited that Doug doesn't usually listen to what the homeowners want, and they're hoping that he will listen to Cassandra. Heh. These guys clearly watch the show. The camera pans around the living room, which is kind of that "just out of college and moved in together" look -- nothing is god-awful, but nothing really goes together, either. Well, except for the green and purple painting of a UFO over the mantel. That's pretty scary. Amanda says that she would "freak out if there was a chicken, a turkey, a plaid anything, a border, or anything that represents anything country in my house." If I didn't already know that Doug was their designer, I would swear that they were going to get Frank. ["I had exactly the same thought." -- Deborah] Amanda sits on a leopard-print love seat, saying that it's her favorite piece, and that she doesn't want it touched or altered in any way. I hope she put that in the contract.
Now we move on to hear what Cassandra and Justin want, which is to make their living room less beige and bland. Even their sofa is beige. Cassandra says that their sofa is too big for the room, and Justin agrees. Justin thinks they need to "spice this thing up a little bit" with some color. Cassandra says that she would only freak out if she saw any kind of "fluorescent color on the wall." Cassandra says that they want some fun, but they don't want to get too crazy. Justin disagrees, saying that they signed up for the show, so they have to take what they get. He's the perfect Trading Spaces homeowner. That's exactly the attitude you need to have if you're going to be on the show. Cassandra says that she likes their armoire, and that she would hate to see it changed. It's a nice piece, but it doesn't really work in the current room, because the wood is too dark, and it just kind of sticks out. Or it's too formal for the casual room. Deborah would be able to explain why it doesn't work. ["Your faith in me is touching, Kim. But I think it's the former: it's a dark, heavy piece that draws your eye to it because everything else is so beige and boring, and then there's nowhere else for your eye to go (unless you fixate on the dreaded ceiling fan, as I would). So you just stare at the armoire, and the room doesn't hang together." -- Deborah] Justin thinks that the designers assigned to each couple are perfect, and that Doug's work fits Lindsey's and Amanda's personalities.
It's time for the key swap. I don't know who spiked MPDP's drink, but she is particularly obnoxious and perky this week. She screeches, "Pay attention to me. Attention to me!" No, she really said that. I know it sounds like something I would make up, but she did. She explains the rules, and they swap keys. As the two couples run off, Cassandra hops onto Justin's back, and then there's a close-up of MPDP laughing at them for about five minutes, like, just move on, already!
MPDP voice-overs that, as Cassandra and Justin run up three flights of stairs to get to Amanda and Lindsey's apartment, Doug is getting ready to "cast a crimson hue" on the space. See, MPDP just ruined the joke that Doug is going to try to perpetrate in a moment. Stupid voice-over. Doug welcomes them. Cassandra hugs him. Doug asks what they want to do. Justin says that he thinks they should just hang out in front of the TV for a few days. Doug asks what's up with the TV, and the camera pans over to reveal that it's an old-fashioned cabinet-style TV, which might be kind of cool if you were going for a basement rec room feel, but would be hard to fit into a modern design. Cassandra explains that the TV belonged to Amanda's grandmother. Doug says that she should give it back to her grandmother, and all I could think was, "Wouldn't it be horrible if her grandmother is dead?" Doug proclaims that the television has got to go, as does the sofa...I guess. He just kind of points vaguely in the sofa's direction. Cassandra says that the leopard-print love seat has to stay. Doug just says that they'll talk about that later, and asks what they want to do in terms of color. Cassandra immediately says, "Red." Doug responds, "Red?" Cassandra adds that she would also like orange, or some other vibrant color. Doug says that he's absolutely not going to do red in that room. See, but we already know that he is because of the voice-over opening the segment. Doug says that he'll let them know later what color he's going to do. He says that they'll paint the walls, and admits that the color is red. That Doug. Such a prankster. Doug says that in designing the room, he started out going for a Zen feel, but then it sort of turned into Goth, so now the theme of the room is "blood-red Zen Goth." Not my style, but it could be interesting. Better than "A Pretty Room. By Doug. In Italics." Cassandra and Justin are with him. Doug says that they're going to redo the coffee table, put a faux-fur rug on the floor, and paint the walls blood-red while keeping the ceilings white. He found a $110 light fixture that they will hang. He's going to close up some of the openings in the space, and hang some ivory curtains. Cassandra and Justin agree with those plans. During the "clearing the room" montage, Doug dips Cassandra while they stand on the coffee table. Doug loves to flirt with the female homeowners, doesn't he? Doug and Cassandra pretend to fight over the leopard-print love seat. Doug takes it out of the room. Cassandra brings it back in. Cassandra and Doug take it out together, and moments later, the room is clear.
“ As Amanda and Lindsey walk in, Amanda comments that she 'can't wait to trash their house.' Heh. Too bad she's not working with Hildi. ”
Now we move over to Laurie's side. MPDP voice-overs that "Laurie plans to give this room some vitality with warm colors, spicy fabrics, and extra seating." How are the fabrics spicy, exactly? Are they well-seasoned? As Amanda and Lindsey walk in, Amanda comments that she "can't wait to trash their house." Heh. Too bad she's not working with Hildi. They greet Laurie with hugs. Laurie says that she needs all of their energy, because she's pregnant and can't hide it anymore. I don't know if that's the big announcement that TLC promised, but we already knew that, since she talked about it on the episode. Laurie shows them a note that Cassandra left them: "Have fun and do a good job, or the leopard couch and the cat get it." Amanda laughs and says, "Not the leopard couch!" Laurie asks if she doesn't care about the cat, and Amanda says that neither one can get it. Laurie tells them that they're in good hands, and that she's "really excited" to work on this "fabulous space." Laurie promises to bring in "deep colors" by addressing the windows, and installing new light fixtures. They'll be painting the walls "an amazing color," and bringing some "rich, bold fabrics." She's going to add a big bookcase unit, and "drama will be brought in with a canvas that will be Josef Albers-inspired." Amanda oohs and aahs over Laurie's descriptions. Laurie should really go into PR. She's got the happy talk down. They clear the room while Laurie talks on her cell phone and claps for them.
Over in Doug's room, he opens the can of red paint and dips a brush in. And then he flings the paint onto the wall, and onto Cassandra, who has her back to him. She shrieks. Doug starts growling, "Red rum," à la The Shining. Justin thinks that the color is awesome. Doug keeps hurling paint onto the wall. Cassandra really loves the color, too. In the bumper to commercial, Doug picks up Amy Wynn and carries her somewhere, adding fuel to the fiery rumors that they are a couple.
The bumper back into the show is the same shot we saw in the opening, of Cassandra and Justin standing on some rocks and waving to Lindsey and Amanda. Doug is still hurling paint onto the walls. Justin asks if that's how they're going to do all of the painting, and Doug says that it is. I wouldn't put it past him. ["Neither would I, and that started me thinking: why haven't any of the designers done a Jackson Pollock-esque wall or two? Seems like the sort of thing right up Gen's alley." -- Deborah]
Laurie is ready to reveal her paint color, but Amanda is nowhere to be found. Laurie calls to her, and Amanda walks in, admitting that she was eating something in the other room. Laurie asks them to guess the paint color. Lindsey thinks that it's black, and Amanda thinks that it's dark green. Laurie asks what the winner gets for being right about the paint color. Lindsey suggests that the winner doesn't have to paint. Laurie says that it doesn't matter, because they are both wrong. She opens the can to reveal a buttery yellow. Amanda says it's the exact color Cassandra wanted. Laurie says that it will dry a little darker than it appears in the can, so she's calling it "a margarine color." Couldn't Laurie come up with a better word than "margarine"? That doesn't sound like a color I'd want on my walls. ["Word. Ew." -- Deborah]
“ MPDP holsters her paintbrush and poses with her belly hanging out. If she would get one shirt that covered her belly button, I would die a happy woman. ”
Laurie walks out into the parking lot to greet Amy Wynn, who has just arrived in a giant truck. Laurie says it's great that Amy Wynn came to her, and Amy Wynn says that she didn't want Laurie to have to walk too far. Amy Wynn rests her hand on Laurie's stomach, which I know is like the #1 most annoying thing you can do to a pregnant woman. Laurie wants to discuss the bookshelves. They set the plans on the hood of the truck. Laurie explains that there will be two sets of bookshelves flanking the sofa, with a seven-foot bridge between them, going over the top of the sofa. Think of a giant letter H, with the bar of the H being really high, and the sofa underneath. Laurie explains that she wants to "encase the sofa." ["I guess this didn't end up looking bad, but I don't think I'd want to sit under a shelf, no matter how high it was." -- Deborah]
MPDP jumps into Doug's room, wearing a holster and brandishing a paint brush like a gun. She tells Doug, "There ain't room in this town for the both of us, pardner!" I really wish he would just kick her. He's up on a ladder, and it would be just perfect. Not hard. Just enough to knock her out of the room. Normally, I don't mind MPDP too much, but she's really annoying this week. Doug busts out laughing at how ridiculous she is. MPDP protests that it's funny, and Doug says that he's laughing. MPDP asks why the room is pink, and Doug says that it's not. It looks pretty red on the TV screen. Cassandra admits that it's just primer. Doug tries to pretend like it's the real color, but MPDP isn't buying it. MPDP makes Doug says that it's going to be "blood-red," and MPDP adds, "Yeah, baby! Just like after a duel!" Oh, my God. She is giving me a headache. MPDP holsters her paintbrush and poses with her belly hanging out. If she would get one shirt that covered her belly button, I would die a happy woman. MPDP giggles that she's "so in the mood." Doug disgustedly asks, "For what?" Heh.
Laurie and Amy Wynn measure the room for the bookshelves. Laurie says that she wants the shelves to be at least fifteen inches apart. Amy Wynn says that they are seventeen and a half inches apart, and Laurie is pleased. Laurie asks about the number of shelves, and Amy Wynn says that there will be seven, including the piece that goes across the top, because she didn't want to buy any extra wood since they are under budgetary constraints. At the mention of the word "budget," I expected MPDP to run into the room and start blathering about money. Thank God, she didn't. Laurie asks how much Amy Wynn spent on her wood. Amy Wynn says that it was somewhere around $270. Laurie starts massaging her temples, as if she's stressed. Amy Wynn says that she might have some extra wood to return, which would save Laurie about $20. Laurie says that she really needs that to happen.