Houston: Appalachian Trail

MPDP appears, wearing a blue jumpsuit over her clothes, and informs us she's at Space Center Houston. She's standing in front of a kind of diorama of the moon landing. So you know we're going to get a lot of space metaphors. We cut to the homeowners: two male-female couples, the first in a while. All the recaps we've done so far have included female-only teams. The first couple (or, "first space cadets" -- yeesh) is Boyd and Mindy; they want his home office/children's playroom redecorated. How on earth the guy gets anything done if his office is also his children's playroom is a mystery to me. Perhaps he's got those Leo McGarry nerves of steel. ["Also, there were about a million toys in that room, like wouldn't you clean up before the cameras arrived?" - Kim] The other couple is Kim and Eric, who would like their bedroom redone. Then we cut to the design team, who for some presently inexplicable reason are posed on a bright emerald green cube in front of a bright emerald green chroma-key backdrop. Doug's on the cube on his stomach, making like he's flying, with no small amount of evident boredom. Laurie, pregnant as all get-out, is on her side, also making like she's flying, typically more good-naturedly. ("Naturedly?" Can I write that? Hmm. Just did. Deal.) And Amy Wynn's perched on the cube, and she makes a funny face before hopping off the cube. Cut to a photo of three astronauts with Doug's, Laurie's, and Amy Wynn's faces pasted in. Then we get a shot of the three of them inside some kind of spacecraft, which has been generated using the poses from the chroma-key thing. Cripes, that's a lot of explanation for a few seconds of videotape.

MPDP babbles some puns about astronauts knowing their limitations and designers keeping the costs down and the projects on schedule. We cut to Boyd and Mindy's house, as she says that they want a more functional office as well as a more kid-friendly area for their son Josh. The room isn't terrible, but it's sort of a hodgepodge of office items and children's toys. Boyd's desk is in the back corner. I can't tell if he meets clients in this room; probably not, as it looks like it's set up so that Boyd can keep an eye on Josh and work at the same time. The walls are beige, the carpet's beige, and there are white or beige Venetian blinds. Boyd says he wants more work space so he can really get some work done. There's a fairly ugly couch: it's one of those puffy, shapeless, blobby things, with some incredibly odd wooden pieces at either end, not at the arms, but above that, vertically, alongside where your shoulders and neck would be. I have no idea what that's about. It's a kind of dusty teal. There are two fairly nice black side chairs that may be leather, but possibly some synthetic material. If they're synthetic they look really good. There's a large, plain white armoire, with a giant office-supply clock above it, as well as a playpen and one of those large plastic mini-playground toys for toddlers. There's also something that looks kind of like a giant inflatable fish bowl, and it has the appearance of something you'd put a child in to play...never seen that before.

Mindy says they have a difference in taste. Boyd likes white walls, modern furniture, and a lot of symmetry. Mindy likes things very warm and very decorated. She's very girlish and cheerful. ["Seriously, I thought that she was about fifteen years old." -- Kim] Absolutely no one is surprised when we find out later that she's a cheerleading coach. She mentions that their carpet is new and she'd like it to stay. Boyd says not to touch the carpet. That seems to remind Boyd about the ceiling fans. As soon as he mentioned them, I thought: "Dude, you are so getting Laurie." Do these people not watch the show? Designers are assigned the way they run bullfights: you wave a red flag about your particular decorating hang-up or obsession, and they let the appropriate bull come running at you. Mindy says it gets very hot in that room. We get a shot of two standard, ugly, brass-and-fake-oak ceiling fans with a big central light blob. Sorry, I hate ceiling fans as much as Laurie, and I especially hate them combined with lights. They bother me slightly less when they're just fans, but I still can't stand them. The one in my kitchen, and it's much uglier than these ones, aggrieves me daily. ["I agree that they are ugly, but I also think that sometimes they are necessary. You'd think that manufacturers would clue in and make something that doesn't look so...gaudy." -- Kim] Mindy says she'd prefer for them to stay...at least one of them. Mindy says the worst thing they could do in this room is leave it white. Boyd reminds her that he has to work in that room. I get the impression Boyd would really rather it wasn't any other colour than vanilla. Which it is, already.

Cut to Kim and Eric's place. MPDP says they want to transform their "dreary" bedroom into a "vibrant, romantic getaway." Their bedroom is basically a beige box with beige carpeting. There are three good-sized windows, with navy curtains. The king-sized bed has no headboard; the bedspread is some kind of dark green and navy blanket. There's a TV on a small cart near the windows. There are some kind of nondescript night tables. Kim says they need a place to relax, and she would like a romantic room. There's a dresser kind of shoved in one corner, and bookshelf/cabinet kind of deal that has the look of something from an office along the wall opposite the bed. There are two side chairs along the wall opposite the windows, upholstered in a dark acid green colour. I kind of like the acid green, but it doesn't go with anything else in the room. Mind you, since all the major surface areas are beige or white, it doesn't really clash either. The ceiling is pretty high and vaults into a pyramid shape. They're aware that nothing matches; they'd like a place to store books and a headboard. Kim says she'd like colour on the walls. Eric seems doubtful. She says, "Not red." He says, "Not purple." Eric announces that the worst thing that could be done to the room is: guess what? To take away his ceiling fan. We get a shot of it; this one's uglier than Boyd's, but still not as ugly as mine. Getting closer though: mine has the same ridiculous frilly glass shades. Eric: "I'd sure hate to see my ceiling fan go." Gee, now I don't know who's getting Laurie. I'll guess Boyd, since I'm sure she'd rather rip out two ceiling fans than just one. I wonder if the designers get a say in which of the two rooms they'd rather do.

MPDP does the key switch. As is her wont, she's dressed slightly in costume: a plaid Western-style shirt, tied at the waist so we can see some of her belly (isn't the belly-exposing craze done yet? I'm rather tired of it, myself) and jeans and boots. Not cowboy boots, thank God. Boyd and Mindy are Team Green; Kim and Eric, Team Red. MPDP runs down the rules and sends them on their way. As they scurry off, she pumps her fists and crows, "Woo! Yee-haw!" Lord. ["That was a pretty pathetic rebel yell, especially for someone who went to college in Texas." -- Kim] Mindy and Boyd hustle into Kim and Eric's bedroom, where Doug is sitting on one of the chairs and pretending to read a book. When they arrive, he makes them wait while he pretends to finish a particularly good part. After shaking their hands, Doug asks what their vision is for the room. You know, as if it matters. Mindy wants new bedding, window treatments, and paint. Boyd says Eric likes red. They both say that Eric likes a Spanish style of decorating, with red and wrought iron and so forth. Boyd would love to keep the ceiling fan, and maybe install some bookshelves.

Doug says he can help them out with some of that. Doug points to his baby blue shirt, and says it's indicative of the colour scheme of the room. Somebody must be channelling Laurie; I thought she was the only one who dressed to match her colour scheme. Oh, and there's Hildi, but she sort of doesn't count: if you only wear black and you almost always paint rooms as dark as caves, I don't think it really counts as coordinating the two. Doug says he's going for something soft and serene, and indicates that there will be a reading area with some new chairs, that they'll make some new bedding, and that they're going to remake the bookshelf unit, paint the dresser, and do a couple of side tables. And: they're taking that ceiling fan down. Mindy cries, "Oh, no!" Boyd laughs and Mindy giggles as they object; Doug assures them Kim and Eric will survive. He tells them, "The name of the room is: 'A Pretty Room.' By Doug. In Italics." I'm not sure which part Doug wants in italics. They banter about that for a bit and then Doug says they need to clear out the room. Fast forward through that; at one point Doug is standing in the middle of the room blowing bubbles. 'Cause, you know, they've got all the time in the world.

In Boyd's office, Laurie's pretending to take measurements. She's wearing black pants and a turquoise top, which makes me think Boyd's getting a turquoise office. Wrong, as it turns out. Can't tell exactly how pregnant she is: five, maybe six months? Possibly seven. She asks Kim and Eric if they're feeling energized; Kim says they've had coffee. Hand on her stomach, Laurie mentions she can't have coffee but she's feeling good. She starts discussing the presence of the numerous toys and child-related items, and indicates that it's her understanding that Boyd is now "office-ing" from home full-time. "Office-ing?" Guh. She makes it clear that she's decided to design the room as an office and library/sitting space, and Boyd and Mindy are welcome to bring the toys back in later ("at their own risk," as she describes it), but she's not going to be bringing them back in. It's not quite as bad as it sounds: she plans to keep the armoire for storage of toys and child-related items. She asks how they feel about that. Kim and Eric are both pretty iffy; Laurie assures them that there will be space for toys, but the implication is that she's not going to design around them. (As if.) She says they'll be building a large wall unit, doing some kind of window treatment, adding some drapery panels to the two openings in the room to create something of a buffer from the rest of the house, bringing in a new couch, doing some artwork, ditching his old desk and making a new one, and organizing his office equipment better. Kim and Eric seem cautiously supportive. Laurie says it's time to clear the room, and adds that she'll only be moving small things, since she's pregnant and not supposed to be lifting. I thought TLC was promoting that Laurie was going to be making "an announcement" in a later episode, not this one? ["I know. And I thought it was supposed to be 'an announcement,' not just a casual statement of fact. Maybe the announcement is that she's leaving the show." -- Kim] Not as if anyone who can see couldn't have already figured it out even if she didn't say something. Maybe her big announcement is that she's reversed her position on ceiling fans.

As Doug opens the paint can, he asks them if they're ready for "A Pretty Room. By Doug. In Italics." Brace yourself; it isn't the last time you're going to hear it. I notice in some eps, the paint brand is clearly visible, and in many others, the labels have been removed from the cans (or the paint has been poured into plain metal cans). Doug shows us a soft baby blue. Mindy seems surprised that it's blue, even though Doug already told her (via his shirt) that's what they were doing. Doug wonders how pretty that blue is. Mindy and Boyd are compelled to say it's pretty, and also? Pretty blue. Mindy says something about "so much for Eric's red" and Doug says he can have red in some other room; he implies that red is too anxiety-producing for a bedroom. Mindy says their bedroom is red. As he dumps a bunch of blue paint into a tray, Doug says they may have to go and paint their bedroom . The bumper to the commercial is Laurie flying sideways in front of one of the couple's houses (I can't remember which one; they're both those beige suburban houses with the honkin' garages out front that all look completely indistinguishable to me).

Laurie does the paint reveal: she mentions that the area immediately outside the office is...she struggles for a description and comes up with "peachy...you know, peach." Eric thought Laurie would pick blue; Kim thought she would go with something earthier. Has Laurie ever done a room in a colour from the cool half of the spectrum? I don't think I've seen that. I've seen everything from very pale yellow to dark red, and God knows she loves poo brown furniture, but I can't remember a blue/ green/ purple room of hers. Mind you, I've not yet seen every episode. She shows the colour, and calls it a "terra-cotta earthen brick red." On my screen, it doesn't look like it has enough brown in it for those shades, and I'd call it more of a tomato red (that dark orangey tomato red).

MPDP strides in as Team Green and Doug are furiously painting the room blue, and declares that it's not really a "Doug colour." Doug begs to differ, and wonders what a Doug colour is. "There's lots of Doug colours." Boyd: "It's not this colour." MPDP says he tends to be more bold than this. Doug kind of accepts that. In addition to his powder blue shirt, he's wearing very nice grey trousers. I honestly can't understand how they manage to keep their clothes so incredibly clean; particularly Gen, Hildi, and Vern who wear tons of black. (And then there's Frank, who usually dresses in such a way -- for the funerals of fifteen clowns -- that you'd never know if he got paint on himself.) Doug says he's channelling Laurie. Hey, I said that already, dude. Then MPDP rides him for pronouncing Laurie's name "Lahr-ee" instead of "Lori." She tells him, "If you're going to channel her, get her name right." Don't you have to buff your belly button or something, MPDP? Doug persists in pronouncing it the same way. ["I pronounce it the same way as Doug and MPDP sounded wrong to me. Different strokes for different folks." -- Kim]

As Kim paints a little swatch of terra-cotta-earthen-brick-dark orangey-tomato red on the wall, Laurie says they'll be using black as an accent colour and stainless steel as their metal, because Boyd told her he likes "modern" and "clean lines." Sounds like somebody was hoping to get Vern. (Dude, he probably would have taken your ceiling fan, too.) She says she's trying to give Boyd the modern feel he wants, but using the kind of rich, warm colour Mindy obviously likes and has used in the rest of the house.

Cut to MPDP, who wants to know why Boyd is avoiding painting a certain patch on the wall; it's because the spackle there hasn't dried yet. Honestly, sometimes her intervention is about as helpful as tits on a bull. Mindy asks her what she thinks of the blue; Doug volunteers that she loves it. MPDP shrugs and says brightly, "I don't think it matters what I think." You got that right, Missy. She asks what they think; Boyd's not too sure. Mindy says they wanted red.

Laurie informs Team Red that there's one area where she "kind of" splurged. Try to guess it. Come on, guess. Yes! The fabric. Okay, I shouldn't make fun; I like almost all the fabrics she chooses, and I'm the type to splurge on fabrics and textiles too. She brings out a sample of the fabric; it's a crewel fabric (I'm quite fond of crewel, myself); the field is kind of that unbleached-cotton colour, with flowers in a kind of terra-cotta/brick colour as well as a dark blue, with olive green foliage and black outlining. I like it quite a lot. She says it has a lot of femininity to it, but the black creates a masculine emphasis (whatever; I don't buy into a lot of this stereotyping) and that she's trying to strike a good balance.

Outside, Doug's got the top half of the bookcase from the bedroom. Amy Wynn: "Talk to me." He explains that he wants to remake the thing so that it will accommodate the TV and yet retain some shelf space for books. He doesn't care how it happens; he's leaving it up to her. She says she can make it happen. He says, "It's all about you," and says she can design it, build it, and as long as the TV fits in it, that's all he cares about. She laughs a lot and he seems to be in a pretty good mood too. The two of them are quite friendly all through the episode. ["Probably because they are doing it! Come on, you know that's what you were thinking." -- Kim]

While MPDP spackles and Kim paints, Laurie sweetly tells Eric she needs his help with something. Here comes the ceiling-fan confrontation. She reaches up to turn the thing off. He says, "Uh-ooohhhhh." She says she's cold (aren't pregnant women usually too hot? God help me if I ever get pregnant; I'm already always freezing) and that the fan should come down now. MPDP tells her that was real subtle. Laurie laughs, somewhat unconvincingly.

Back outside, Doug is sketching a design for this bookshelf that he doesn't care about, that he said Amy Wynn could design. He's drawing some crown molding onto it. She's leaning over beside him, teasing him about the amount of work, and Doug's all defensive, saying he's not asking for much, just this and a little bench. It's certainly no Pullman car, that's for damn sure.

Back inside, Laurie's making her case for why the fans have to go: basically, they clash with her design. Well, they're an eyesore regardless. She points out they're going with black and stainless steel/silver colours, and the fans are "oak" and "shiny, shiny brass" and have a big bulbous light. MPDP and Kim stop for a moment to listen, and then go back to work. Eric looks skeptical. Laurie says they're putting up track lighting.