By Keckler
Last week, Stephen got a dressing down for dressing idiot, but Miguel was sent home for all his fishy fuck ups.
Morning in San Francisco. Stephen gets dressed. Harold greets him, "What's the word on the street?" and Stephen, pathetically still thinking he's on Team Cool, tells us, "I see Harold and I going somewhat far in this competition and we have mutual respect for each other. You know, we are the best chefs amongst the rest of the group." Tiffani promises us, "At no point am I going to attack anyone in this competition." You mean, "from this point on," right? Because, I mean, really, Tiffani.
Quickfire Challenge. The Katie Leebot drones that the Elimination Challenge will be for them to work as a team to cater a wedding. For the Quickfire, the chefs have to individually pitch the bridal couple a wedding menu. No immunity for this Quickfire; the winning wedding menu will be the one, obviously, that the cheftestants work together to execute. The Katie Leebot calls in the bridal couple, Scott and Scott. For some odd reason, Dave looks the most confused out of everyone standing there. What, he thought gays couldn't get married? As the Scotti walk in, Stephen goes on about how there are two grooms, which means they will be able to do more exciting, colorful, and flavorful things. Yeah, because straight people are so boring when it comes to food. No, really -- it's biologically hard-wired into their hetero-ness: Must. Eat. And. Screw. Only. White. Bread. On the other hand, if Stephen suggests a rainbow sorbet, I'm leaving. The Scotti say they are looking for a Pan-Asian menu with fusion influences. Well, if it's Pan-Asian, I think it's safe to assume there will automatically be a few fusion elements going on there. The Scotti want a prawn canapé for the reception and an amuse bouche and four courses, including dessert, for the dinner. They specifically request a wedding cake. Thunderclouds descend on the cheftestants. "The thought of making a wedding cake -- at this point I'm just, like, fuuuuuuuuuck," Harold tells us. The Scotti would like to sample prawn cocktail offerings from all the cheftestants. The cheftestants have ninety minutes to "design a minu," sketch a wedding cake, and prepare a cold prawn hors d'oeuvres. The cheftestants have to keep in mind that the Scotti have one hundred guests attending and a food budget of three thousand dollars.
The cheftestants prep, sketch, and plan. Dave reminds us that he has a lot of experience in catering, so he hopes the Scotti pick his menu because he knows it's one they can execute. Lee Anne explains that the cheftestants were given paper and art supplies to work with and she decided to do illustrative watercolors to explain her menu and concept. She even fools around with origami. You go, Lee Anne! Harold tells us he wasn't feeling very confident and we see him drop his pen and start laughing at his artistic attempts. "There's no White Out?" he asks Tiffani. Dammit, Jim -- he's a cook, not an artist! Time's up.
Presenting first, Stephen still hasn't let Sabor go as he presents his Tangerine-Ponzu Prawn Escabeche. Prominent in Catalan cuisine, "escabeche" is Spanish for a pickled item or a pickling medium, like a spicy -- usually vinegar-based -- marinade. The Scotti proclaim the canapé, "Very tasty" as Stephen goes on to explain his Japanese-influenced menu. Lee Anne snickers off to the side. After Stephen finishes explaining about his lobster poached in ghee (clarified butter of Indian and Pakistani origin), the Katie Leebot wonders if Stephen will be able to stay within his budget. "Most definitely," Stephen nods. The Scotti aren't sure, "Lobster and veal... ?" Moving on to Tiffani, the Scotti sample her Thai-Braised Prawn Spring Rolls as Tiffani explains her "Evening in Shanghai" menu. The Scotti like her canapé. Tiffani elaborates on her plan for the wedding cake presentation, "One of the things that exists in Asian culture is the recognition of love and luck. And to do a hundred little boxes of love and luck -- a hundred little individual cakes." The Scotti move on to Harold. Harold joshes the Scotti up by saying he apologizes for his "humble presentation" because he failed art class in high school. Harold presents his canapé of Cabbage-Wrapped Poached Prawns. As Harold explains his menu, which includes a papaya salad and braised beef short ribs, Tiffani tells us, "I saw some stuff on Harold's menu that I thought, flavor-wise, would work but that I thought was a bit too conceptually 'out there' for a roomful of a hundred people coming from all different cultures, and backgrounds, and palates." But isn't a roomful of wide-ranging people more likely to respond to a diverse menu, being that they themselves are also diverse? Tiffani makes an awful lot of assumptions on this show.
Continuing down the line, Dave repeats Harold's assertion that he's not an artist as he presents his cold Poached-Prawn Bruschetta. The prawns were poached in lemon, lime, and tangerine juice and then piled on top of stacked egg roll wrappers. Off to the side, Stephen and Harold appear to be snickering over Dave's usual high-energy presentation. Stephen tells us that he thinks Dave is, "very wild and exciting and, I think, kind of a wildcard." Hmm, he thinks Dave is 'wild and exciting.' Interesting. Let's remember that for the finale. Dave natters on, "We're going to a vanilla or white sponge cake, keeping it clean! And white! And classic! Just a real simple clean, white cake -- YUM!" The Scotti proceed to Lee Anne who tells them, "As you can see, I'm the only real Asian in the room." The Scotti laugh, but the other cheftestants don't look so happy. What, they really thought they could do Asian better than Lee Anne? Actually, I'll bet Tiffani did. "Could I do Asian cuisine just as good, if not better, than a real Asian person? Yes. Would the Asian culture accept me as a culinary equal? Of course." Lee Anne's canapé is Crispy Prawn Toasts. The prawns are bound in a scallop mousse with water chestnuts and scallions. Lee Anne explains her menu, and one course, called "Lovers' Nests," is a bowl of sautéed scallops and vegetables in a potato nest. She'd be folding cranes all night, so the bowl could be served with a few good luck cranes perched on the side for decoration. Her fellow cheftestants are hating her for roping them into that sort of deal. Lee Anne also wants to do a riff on Peking Duck, but using beef instead. Dave tells us that when he heard all the other pitches, it became clear that the chefs don't have as much catering experience as he does and are being unrealistic about what could be achieved. For the wedding cake, Lee Anne describes a vision of a ginger-scented genoise with a passion fruit filling. Wow, that sounds amazing. The Scotti deliberate and announce they have a very clear winner, Lee Anne. Lee Anne is excited but acknowledges, "It was sort of a back-handed challenge because yes, you win the Quickfire, but now you're responsible for cooking for these guys' wedding."
The Katie Leebot announces that the wedding reception is the day. In the afternoon. Dave's eyes bug. I think he's sort of the Andrae of this show. With the crying and the elaborate facial expressions... you know? All the cheftestants are scared shitless. So am I, quite honestly.
After commercials, the Katie Leebot is again explaining the unreasonable timeline. "Good thing we slept yesterday," Lee Anne jokes. The Scotti find this hilarious, just as I would if I knew my caterers were going to have to pull an all-nighter to cook for my wedding. That's just cruel. The wedding reception and dinner will be held at the Hotel Monaco in SOMA (South of Market). I think this hotel sounds fabulous, especially because of their pet policy. Check it out. Although I'm wondering why they don't have special things for cats, I do love: "Can't bring Spot with you this time? Not to worry - the downtown Hotel Monaco San Francisco offers Guppy Love, a complimentary goldfish along with fish toys to keep you company during your stay with us. Our housekeeping staff has been trained to feed and take care of the goldfish - all you need to do is enjoy." How cute is that?
Although Lee Anne is the leader, all the cheftestants are responsible for making sure the Scotti have a perfect day. The Scotti and the bot leave. Lee Anne goes over the menu and concepts with everyone. Dave is responsible for the Crispy Prawn Toast; Stephen, the three Japanese amuse bouches; Harold, the first course of seared salmon salad; Tiffani, the Lovers' Nest; and Lee Anne, the Peking-style beef. They are all going to join forces on the wedding cake and the petit fours. When talking about the wedding cake, Harold announces, "It's why God created Betty Crocker." Lee Anne agrees and, just so we don't miss her meaning, Bravo captions for us, "Let's buy, like, white cake mix." I never thought this was such a big stretch for caterers. I know Bravo and Colicchio both try to make a big thing out of it, but I think it was blown way out of proportion. Cake mix -- especially the kind without powdered egg -- is used all the freakin' time. Tiffani asks if they're all on the same page that they will buy cake mix. Everyone seems to agree wholeheartedly, but Stephen keeps his prissy mouth shut. Later, he walks over to Harold and confirms, "Just going with the cake mix? Betty Crocker?" Harold nods. Okay, one more time: THEY ARE GOING WITH THE CAKE MIX! Stephen blathers to us, "This wedding cake had no potential whatsoever. I did not want to attach my name -- even if I were to help -- because, you know, mediocrity is not my game and I just didn't want to have anything to do with it." First of all, FISH HOOK! Second of all, I don't see you offering to hand measure out all the ingredients for the cake. If you don't stand for mediocrity, Stephen, then make a play to raise the level. Don't sit there, arms folded, and sneer that you aren't going to have anything to do with it when we all know you couldn't bake a wedding cake if your personal collection of Chinese soupspoons depended on it.
Colicchio strolls in to ask if any of them have catering experience or have ever catered a wedding. Dave seems to be the only one who raises his hand. Colicchio confirms that they are planning to work through the night. Stephen tells us, "Looking at the menu, I saw no need to pull an all-nighter. I mean, we had sixteen hours and everyone had one course." And the wedding cake. And the petit fours. Jackass. Colicchio snorts that he'll bring the coffee. When? In the morning? When it won't even really help? Jackass.
Back at Berkeley Bowl, the cheftestants shop. "Who caters a wedding out of a supermarket?" Harold asks us, "That's ridiculous, that's unheard of! You have specialty purveyors that you go to. That...specialize." Poor Harold. Stephen solicits a hundred or so Kumamoto oysters. Harold attempts to get his hand on a fresh, whole salmon and runs into some difficulty. The fishmonger has a whole farm-raised Atlantic, salmon but she won't sell it to him because the manager says it's for sashimi. "And I was like, listen, 'We're spending a lot of money here, I'm taking the salmon. You're giving me the salmon. That's all there is to it,'" Harold tells us. It looks like the woman finally sells him the salmon. In one shot, blood is dripping from the poor salmon's mouth. Yummy. Harold bitches to Lee Anne, who asks if he wants her to go take care of it. "No, I took care of it," Harold says, hands in pockets, still annoyed. Tiffani prominently grabs eight boxes of cake mix. Dave grabs prawns. They check out and head to the hotel to cook.
The kitchen at the Hotel Monaco is huge. Everyone starts prepping. Harold still isn't too happy with his salmon, "It was Atlantic salmon -- it doesn't have the color, it's not meaty, it's not sweet." I agree on all counts. I didn't even like salmon until I had Pacific salmon. It's a totally different fish. Lee Anne makes the scallion pancakes. Be-gloved and be-knifed, Dave hacks at chocolate for the milk chocolate-sesame, dark chocolate-ginger, and white chocolate-sake truffles. As Tiffani uses an industrial-sized mixer for the cake, Colicchio walks in for his Sniff 'n' Sneer. "Um, Tiffani? I just found this," Colicchio says, holding up the box that he came upon specifically by chance. Oooh! Drama! Not. So now he gets to judge the cake as tasting like cake mix. Tiffani explains that the whole team agreed to use cake mix since none of them are pastry chefs. "At least you're honest," Colicchio laughs. "I'm never not going to be honest," Tiffani says. Oh, we shall see. WE SHALL SEE! Tiffani makes a good point that part of being a chef is recognizing your weaknesses and making up for them in order to be able to deliver the product. Better to serve a Duncan Hines cake than to not serve a cake at all. Stephen laughs to the camera about the one hundred spring rolls, dumplings, and oysters he has to prepare. Harold tells us that Stephen is slow with his prep work, "He's not even moving with any type of urgency at all." Tiffani tells Stephen that his pork stock is getting low. Lee Anne tells us that while Stephen's dish had a lot of components, it was certainly not the most difficult to prepare.
Morning dawns and the cheftestants are still working. Dave tells us that they were running late and there was still a lot to do, so he jumped in and helped. He made butter creams, cleaned scallops, and did his dish on top of it all. Tiffani tells us, "Dave's great but at the same time... " But at the same time, you can't resist being a bitch, right? "... at the same time, I knew that he was trying to do too much. I think people overextend themselves way too much, they try to do too much and it reflects in their dishes," Tiffani finishes.
The Scotti arrive with their cute puppy and tell the cameras how nervous they are about all the people coming. They don't seem too worried about the cheftestants and the food. Meanwhile, the poor cheftestants are exhausted and worried.
After the commercial break, we are one hour away from the reception. The cheftestants file into the dining room to meet Colicchio, Gail, and the Bot. The Bot introduces their guest judge, Marcy Blum, wedding planner to the stars. Apparently, Marcy planned the Bot's wedding to the Piano Man. "By the end of the night, Scott and Scott will be starting their new life together, and one of you will be starting your journey home," the Bot threatens. The cheftestants return to the kitchen.
More food flurry. Harold thinks the wedding cake is the only thing that should take a lot of time. Tiffani tells us they were all tired but they were scrambling. Stephen opines that everyone was more stressed than they needed to be. Lee Anne decorates the three-tiered wedding cake with orchids.
Elsewhere, the Scotti proceed with their commitment ceremony. The Scotti cry. The guests cry.
Kitchen. Stephen presents the apparently new news that the canapés will be passed for an hour and a half at the reception. They don't have enough canapés for an hour and a half. Lee Anne calls out to grab some Dungeness crab and make some sort of crab puffs with pâte a choux (cream puff pastry). Dave has another idea to make something similar to what he did for the Quickfire. Dave combines the crabmeat with pineapple, cucumber, mirin, and lime juice and makes some sort of a canapé on pita chips. Looks and sounds good. Go Dave! The canapés go out. The guests really like both. One guest bawls, "FABulous" when she eats the crab on pita. One of the servers reports to Dave that the Scotti are really happy with the canapés. However, it's time for the judges to weigh in. The Bot asks Marcy and Gail what they thought of the shrimp toast. "It was very greasy," Gail drawls. "It had no flavor at all," Marcy adds.
Oh, here we go with more Stephen insanity. Stephen is in the dining room, counting things and writing things down, as the servers watch him. Harold reminds us, "The course is Stephen's amuse bouche." Stephen asks the wait staff, "So, does everyone know what we're doing tonight?" Is he fucking serious? He's asking the wait staff at a hotel if they're aware of what their job is that night? "We're doing a wedding reception, which I'm sure you've done hundreds of. You know, essentially, it's a wine dinner," Stephen goes on. Essentially, it's a what? Says who? He needs to take that cork out of his ass and stop turning EVERYTHING into a FREAKING wine pairing! Stephen then starts going over the glassware, explaining what wine will be in which glass. And he doesn't stop with just "this is the for the red, this is for the white," oh no, he goes further and says stuff like, "It's from the Vin de Pays, you know, the South of France." However, instead of pronouncing it as "pay-ee," he pronounces it as "pay." He's an idiot. Hysterically, the wait staff just stare him down, poker-faced. Dave bitches to us that Stephen was nowhere to be found. Stephen shows a complicated drawing of the dining room and seems to be explaining what tables are. Lee Anne tells us they didn't need Stephen to be their liaison between the kitchen and dining room. Yeah, I'm assuming the captain of the wait staff would fill that role. In fact, Lee Anne points out that they had a captain. The camera zooms in on the captain, who is suffering this fool patiently.
In the kitchen, the cheftestants discover stickers on something of Stephen's and realize they have to wash them off because Stephen didn't. Harold also bellows about needing silverware washed and where the hell is Stephen? Turns out, they had just bought more CHINESE SOUPSPOONS for Stephen's course, and they came in dirty and stickered, and Stephen hadn't done a damn thing about it. Tiffani tells us that the "frickin' soupspoons" put her "over the edge with Stephen."
The Scotti arrive at their reception. Lee Anne announces to the kitchen that they're going to get it done, with or without Stephen. Looks like all the other cheftestants are plating Stephen's course. Dave asks, "Donde top sommelier?" Well, he's out explaining to the wait staff about pouring wine. I am so not kidding. "Three-ounce pour. Pour the wine, and then move over to the , move over to the , the two of you are done. table!" quoth the Stephen evermore. Stephen defensively explains to us, "I needed to talk to some of the members of the hotel and making sure that the EXECUTION -- the foremost important part of this whole entire event -- was intact." Never did the Scotti express an interest in wine service being part of their wedding banquet. Never once did anyone say that the wine service was the most important part of the entire event. The most important part of the entire event was THE FREAKING FOOD, STEPHEN! Stephen seems to be back in the kitchen, giving orders about how to preserve his amusing plate of Lobster Harumaki (Japanese spring rolls), Glazed Oyster with Yazu (Japanese citrus) Marinated Roe, and Crab Soup Dumplings. Stephen keeps being defensive with us, "A chef's responsibility is to delegate. He is a leader, he is a manager in the kitchen, no one took on that role. No one except myself." Oh, Stephen, if you say goodbye to us tonight there will still be foodies left to fight. What else could I do? I'm just so tired of you, you haven't cooked here for the longest time.
In the dining room, the Scotti explain the purpose of the amuse bouche to their guests. The guests are amused. Marcy tells the Bot, "The oyster wasn't bad and I like that, I'm partial to that, whatsitcalled, wazoo?" I assume the wedding planner to the stars who knows absolutely everything, according to the Bot, means "yazu." And not "butthole."
In the kitchen, Harold off-handedly tells Stephen that he has to learn how to separate his desire to instruct the staff from his duties as a chef. Harold tells us that he pulled Stephen aside and told him to stop fucking around with the front of the house. Stephen makes his argument that the staff was planning to go out with stuff on trays (horrors!) and it was all going to get instantly cold.
up in the dining room is Harold's Seared Salmon and Green Papaya Salad. "He is having issues," Dave tells us, meaning Dave. Harold restates that he wasn't thrilled with the quality of the fish, so he was referring to his dish as the "Green Papaya Salad." The Scotti agree with one another that the dish is flavorless. They think the salmon is "fishy." After six years in Boston and three years in San Francisco, I think that Atlantic salmon tends to be more fishy in flavor than Pacific, and if it wasn't even the best quality, well, yuck. Poor Harold. The judges comment that the salmon was cold. Guests tell the camera, "The salmon was USELESS!" and "I was all of a sudden at a bad convention -- it might as well have been boiled chicken."
Lee Anne tells us that spirits were low in the kitchen. The Lovers' Nests come out with two colorful origami cranes on each plate. The guests like it. We don't know what the judges think. Back in the kitchen, they're getting the Peking beef ready. "We're going to have some time on this course, okay?" Stephen announces. "What do you mean we're gonna have some time, the dude just told me to fire it!" Harold retorts. Apparently, they're doing toasts in between courses, and Stephen is just screwing things up. Yeah, I don't think you stop service for toasts, do you? I mean, if so, those toasts were badly planned. Stephen asks a waiter, "Is the whole dining room cleared?" It is. "Wow, that was fast," Stephen mutters and heads back to the kitchen. Idiot, idiot, idiot. Harold's frustrated. The captain comes in and says they're ready for the course. The Peking-Style Beef with Crispy Scallion Pancakes and Cucumber Salad is served. Tasty.
Gail talks to Colicchio, "It might have been hot, but I don't know if its been sitting too long? I don't know whether they're reheating, not warming through." She squinches her face up really bitchily at one point. It's sort of scary. The Scotti determine, "It's good, it's solid. Not stellar."
In the kitchen, the Little Harold that Could announces that he's out of gas. The whole kitchen is exhausted and depressed. It's time for the wedding cake and petit fours to come out. Lee Anne picks up the cake and says, "Stephen's not here?" Stephen tells us, "The wedding cake is one of the most important parts of the wedding. What we were doing was kind of a mockery of this whole entire ideal and basically mocking our clients." He's just leaning against the doorjamb with a glass of wine while the other cheftestants deal with the cake and petit fours. I don't think I even have enough energy to go off on him any more. Seriously? During this episode, I drank a lot of take-home pay. Lee Anne presents her beautiful ginger-and-vanilla-scented cake filled with passion fruit curd and frosted with white chocolate butter cream. She congratulates and kisses the Scotti. The Scotti feed each other and everyone applauds. The truffles come out with the slices of cake. The guests find the cake flavorful and also discover some surprise eggshells included. Gail turns to Colicchio, "That is so sweet -- wow." Colicchio really hasn't responded to anything she's said. The Scotti like the truffles because Scott -- or was it Scott? -- is "really into sesame right now."
The reception is finally over. The Scotti think that overall the meal went really well, considering the parameters the cheftestants were given. However, the Scotti can't name a single part that they really loved. "I think that says it all," Colicchio responds. In the kitchen, Lee Anne just feels defeated.
Judges' Table. Marcy's expert comment on the matter is, "The truth is, the guests were happy, it was a lovely occasion, but the food did not contribute to it." Whatever, you don't know your ass from a Japanese citrus fruit. Literally. Gail agrees and thinks that Lee Anne bit off more than she could chew. "I think they were trying to get through it as opposed to doing everything really well," Colicchio says. Of course they were just trying to get through it, you gave them SIXTEEN FREAKIN HOURS TO CATER A WEDDING! Marcy was wowed by nothing she ate. Colicchio thinks it's going to be hard to pick a winner. I just don't like the way Gail tosses her head. It's very snotty and self-conscious, like a high school cheerleader. The cheftestants are all brought in. Colicchio is really disappointed in them all. "Now this is going to sound harsh," Colicchio goes on, "But I've had better from a take-out place." Dude, so have I. At Out the Door. Charles Fucking Pham, man! And I don't even have to go that swank. I mean, Ton Kiang is arguably the best Chinese food in the city, and it's always take-out for us. So, I don't know what Colicchio is blithering about because take-out is good. Tiffani defends them and says the challenge was about meeting the clients' needs and, considering what you get a most weddings, she thinks they did pretty good. Marcy leaps on Tiffani's generalization of wedding food and says, "I think that's a problem." Tiffani agrees, "It is a problem." No, what Marcy meant was that it was a problem that Tiffani thinks that way. "Because the truth is, my clients? Expect to get pretty extraordinary food," Marcy to the Starsy says. Did I miss a step? Were the Scotti her clients? No? Then shut up, Marcy Starsy. Colicchio confirms with Tiffani that she would not have served that food in a restaurant. "Then why serve it here?" he wonders.
Colicchio reminds Lee Anne that it was her menu and her responsibility to taste everything. Did she taste everything? Yes, she did. And everything was done to her liking? Not necessarily. Again, I should bring up that we heard a lot of the cheftestants had bad head colds throughout this competition, which definitely would have affected their taste buds. Lee Anne is very disappointed in herself, she wishes she could have done better. "The flavors just weren't there at all -- it was a pretty watered-down version of everything," Colicchio says and then goes on to attack the salmon salad. Harold shrugs that he trusts his palate and he thought it tasted good. The Bot tells Harold it was the Scotti's least favorite dish. "I'm sorry," Harold shrugs. The Bot demands to know who decided to use cake mix. Harold says he threw the idea out there because he's used it before and been happy with the result. "One guest found an egg shell in their cake," Gail reports gleefully. Harold takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes hard. Colicchio asks if everyone pulled their weight. Lee Anne announces that the one person she doesn't think should go home is Dave. Tiffani rolls her eyes. Shut up, Tiffani. "You know, he's such a positive energy in the kitchen. He was just really helpful, whatever anyone needed, he was there for us, and I think his catering experience came in very handy tonight," Lee Anne finishes. Colicchio turns to Dave and shrugs that he just got a pass from the team leader, "Let's just assume for the moment that you are safe, who did you want to see contribute more?" Stephen, of course. Oh, and by the way, it's a bit obvious that Colicchio has nothing but contempt for Dave. It's okay, everyone's entitled to their hate. ["Thank you!" --Joe R] Dave goes off about the dirty, stickered soupspoons they had to deal with while Stephen was "off selling wine." Tiffani joins in, "Stephen was also the only person that only focused on his dish without focusing on any petit fours or the cake." Stephen weakly says he was in the kitchen and he only left a few times. "The director of catering for the hotel asked me how we would like the food served and I was gone for five minutes," Stephen says. Oh, the director of catering did that, did he? I don't really buy that one little bit. Dave shakes his head. Harold looks uncomfortable. Stephen goes on, "You know, we have four capable people in the kitchen and I feel confident in this team that I can leave for a second and, you know --" Tiffani interrupts, smiling primly and tightly, "Let's not make this seem like our failure." She's right, but she's still a bitch, and she's using the Royal "We." Stephen says he told the kitchen when he was leaving, Tiffani says he never told them. Stephen says someone had to take charge of the front of the house, Lee Anne tells him it was more his place to make sure the Scotti had a great wedding. Marcy compliments him on directing the wait staff to "sweep the room" with the service. She was impressed by that level of sophistication. Marcy's compliment aside, Gail determines that Lee Anne did not tell Stephen to perform that service. When asked, Stephen announces that he would get rid of Lee Anne because she should take responsibility for how ambitious her menu was, "It was a mess, a complete mess." I'd like to see how they would've gotten on with your golly ghee-poached lobster menu, dude. You know what? Forget the fish, just get the Vaudeville hook and yank this imbecile off because I'd rather eat with the winners than drink with the taints. The winners are much more fun. Harold is frowning deeply. Lee Anne says if they want to send her home, fine. She was not happy with her own performance and she will accept responsibility. Harold defends Lee Anne, saying she did stuff that wasn't necessarily felt or seen in the dining room and, "From a cook's standpoint, she definitely won my respect." Stephen snaps his dropped jaw closed. He's off Team Cool and he knows it. The cheftestants are excused.
The judges deliberate. Gail points out that Stephen never accepted responsibility for his shortcomings, he just got defensive. Colicchio reminds us that he told Stephen at the last Judges' Table that he needed to "show from the kitchen." And yet. And yet. Marcy once again approves that Stephen talked to waiters about how to serve.In the kitchen, Stephen meticulously sips coffee. He purses his lips together on the swallow. Gaufreak.
The judges discuss Lee Anne dropping the ball and Harold's failed salad. They bring the cheftestants back in. After toying with Harold and Lee Anne, Colicchio tells Stephen, "this is Top Chef, not Top Waiter," which is not a very successful retread of the already rather dolty original. He then turns to Tiffani and crabs at her for some reason that never really came up. The Bot tells Stephen to pack his knives and go. More like, "Pack your wineglasses, corkscrew, white towel, pour spout, decanter, and go." The Bot oddly asks if Stephen has anything to say. I guess it's because he just sits there, whereas other guests immediately thank everyone and leave. "No," Stephen sort of sneers with his curled lip and looks at all the judges. They're all excused. Stephen still doesn't say anything to the judges.
Back in the kitchen, it's uncomfortable. Stephen scriggles a place to Harold and says, "The time has come." Indeed. Harold offers him his hand. They shake but they both know that Stephen is never allowed back on Team Cool again. Harold tells us, "Stephen definitely deserved to go home. I could have backed him up but he called Lee Anne out and there was no way I was gonna let Lee Anne go out like that." Damn straight! Stephen's last words are as discombobulated and imbecilic as everything else he said on the show. "Now that my role in this competition has finally come to an end, I'm going to become a restaurateur and that is my goal in life. I will probably influence the industry and raise the bar to a level of excellence that I don't think has been achieved yet to date in this country." I'll look for him at Cucina Criminally Deluded.
week: Truffles and Sopranos wine.