Last week, the pushcart wars sent Lisa home, but Colicchio promised to eat at her house the time he's in L.A. Waiting to hear about that dinner any time now, chief.
Beautiful shot of Ocean Beach at low tide. In the Baker Street house, Lee Anne asks Andrea how she felt about Miguel "throwing her under the bus." Constipated, is my guess. Andrea shrugs it off because she understands that Miguel's whole existence is staked on this competition. In an interview, Andrea thinks Miguel will be the to go because "he hasn't shown grace" and he's been over-competitive. Huh. Except for when Miguel "threw Andrea under the bus," I don't get the same ultra-competitive vibe that radiates from Tiffani and Stephen like stink on public-park dog poo. Miguel quietly loads the house dishwasher and tells us that everyone is saying he stabbed Andrea in the back in the last challenge. He doesn't think he did that; he just feels he can't rely on anyone in that game. Then why did he rely on Andrea's cooking and ideas to turn their street food into one of the worst the judges ate, which put him in a vulnerable position in the first place? Dave goes into the kitchen, and swears when he sees white suds oozing from the dishwasher. Upon Dave opening the door, we can see that the dishwasher is full of soapsuds, and someone says that Miguel put Palmolive in the dishwasher. Miguel, having figured out what's going on, bitches, "Great, everyone else saw the mess I made and no one offered to help clean, so I guess I'll just do it, then." Dude, suck it up. When I made the same tragic mistake in college, I didn't expect any of my roommates (except the one who told me to go ahead and use dish soap in the dishwasher) to help me mop up the massive drifts of suds that bubbled all over that nasty cracked linoleum. I must say, the floor was never cleaner.
Quickfire Challenge. The cheftestants arrive to see Ted Allen of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy waiting for them. "The theme for this challenge is 'pressure,'" the Katie Leebot tells them. Dave laughs, "Hasn't that been the common theme?" Well, we know your common theme has been "The Tracks of My Tears." Their Quickfire challenge is to pull from a tableful of priced ingredients and create an appetizer whose cost does not exceed three dollars. However, the Top Chef's kitchen pantry items are free of charge. They have twenty minutes. The chefs pull, plan, and weigh furiously. "I wasn't really stressing it, you kind of need to maintain your composure. Everyone else was kind of scurrying around, kind of going crazy," Stephen tells us. FISH HOOK! Lee Anne tells us that there's no way she could tell us what the mood of the kitchen was because she was too busy working. Someone turned Miguel's burner off. "That was nice," he says. Tiffani tells us, "I really love being under the gun like that -- that's when I excel." She's working on three different preparations of oysters. I really wish these chefs would stop with the Trios of X dishes. It's getting tiresome and boring. Whenever I go into a restaurant now and see a trio of something on the menu, I have this visceral reaction to steer way clear of it.
Time is expiring. Andrea tells us she's making something light and refreshing, a veggie slaw. BORING! Harold is making bacon-wrapped trevisano (red radicchio) with Gorgonzola. Oh hell yeah! As we all know, bacon-wrapped anything is killer, but add Gorgonzola to that and I'm just... melting! Fuck, I'm hungry again. Stephen is doing something idiotically tiny with what looks like peanuts but is actually clam meats and sea beans. Shows what I know. Stephen is very, very, very impressed with himself: "I ended up doing a very, very, very cool dish -- it's just everything that I'm all about with flavors, textures, innovative technique." Miguel does something with asparagus, pears, and cheese. Time's up.
Ted starts with Stephen. Stephen explains that his dish is poached baby Manila clams with grilled sea beans. Ted praises his ridiculously abstract presentation. If I got that in a restaurant, I'd be pissed -- it's like five teeny tiny bites of nearly nothing! Stephen tells us, "I saw the cuisine as outside the boundaries, sort of taking different flavor combinations that traditionally aren't used. I love all my dishes. This one in the presentation was spectacular." It goes without saying that nearly everything that comes out of Stephen's mouth is majorly [sic]'d. Miguel presents his antipasti plate of what appears to be slices of tomato, broccoli, cauliflower, pistachios, pear slices on a slaw of some sort, and a wedge of double- or triple-cream cheese. What happened to the asparagus? Ted makes noises like he doesn't like it, but doesn't explain himself before moving on to Lee Anne. Looks like Lee Anne chose oysters as well. She did deep-fried oysters with a reduced lemon-garlic cream. It looks like the oysters might also be topped with crumbles of bacon, a tomato dice, and parsley. Ted wonders if Lee Ann is trying to seduce him. Harold explains his dish of bacon-wrapped trevisano with Gorgonzola brûlée. Ted asks if Harold added sugar to make the brûlée, but Harold just used the fat in the cheese and went at it with a blowtorch. Ted is "very partial to food made with a blow torch." Tiffani presents her take on oysters, explaining, "Instead of doing just one preparation, I really wanted to honor oysters." "Honor"? time I make shellfish, I'm going to announce to my guests that I wanted to serve and obey them. It will be like a bad sci-fi movie: The Mollusks That Attacked, Part II: The Pinchening. The first of Tiffani's trio is a raw oyster with a pomegranate mignonette, the is a deep-fried oyster in the ever-present and increasingly-annoying Chinese soupspoon, and the final is an oyster poached in white wine and cream.
Ted moves on to Andrea, who tells him, "Whenever I make a meal, I like to get all flavors: sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and pungent within one meal." "Wow, sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and pungent -- sounds like my co-workers!" Ted laughs. Heh -- even though I rarely manage to watch QEFTSG these days, that did crack me up. Andrea made a carrot and pear salad with a honey-mustard dressing and pocketed it in a leaf of trevisano. Ted tastes. "It'll help move ya -- you'll have a nice BM!" Andrea announces. Why do I have a feeling that if I ever cook from her cookbook, I should make sure to be within dashing distance from my bathroom? "It's been weeks, I'm so grateful," Ted laughs. Finally, we get to Dave's cumin and oregano chicken skewers, which were glazed with tangerine and honey and served with adobo honey butter. Damn, that sounds really tasty. I think it's the adobo honey butter that most attracts me. Dave tells Ted that he tends to "freak out a little bit" in the kitchen. And how. Ted's top choices were Harold, Tiffani, Lee Anne, and Stephen, but he declares Stephen the winner. Ugh. "I knew that my dish was the best -- Ted Allen explained it to me: 'extraordinary,' 'exquisite.'" Harold tells us that he and Stephen are very different in the kitchen: "I don't feel his food -- it's just doesn't feel soulful to me." I totally agree. My reaction to Stephen's food is like the way Ferris Bueller described Cameron's house: "It's very cold and you're not allowed to touch anything." Dave tells us, "It's all about presentation and it was this huge plate and literally it had six little clams on it. That's not an appetizer, that's a painting." Seriously.
Ted tells them that he is throwing a dinner party at Frisson to celebrate the release of his new book, The Food You Want to Eat. It's a very important night for him. The cheftestants will be cooking for eight people, a group that includes "culinary luminaries from the San Francisco food community -- food writers, food critics, wine people." Ted wants the seven cheftestants to create seven courses, but they have to work together make the menu coherent. "Everything has to be great, or I'm going to look stupid and that will make me a very cranky judge," Ted announces. I understand the attempt to put the fear of Ted into them, but not the logic behind it. First of all, Ted isn't that scary. Secondly, I presume that the San Francisco "culinary luminaries" don't live in a hole (well, unless they're Michael Bauer) and therefore get the whole, you know, reality-show concept. Why would any of them be so irrational as to blame Ted Allen, the guest judge, for any failures or catastrophes? As far as they're concerned, Frisson is being closed especially for them, they're getting a free meal, and they'll be on television. The Katie Leebot tells the cheftestants they will have fifty dollars per guest. They will spend the rest of the afternoon planning their "minu" and then shop and prep at Frisson the day. I think the Katie Leebot has Shannen Doherty Disease. ["One of the symptoms of SDD is 'interesting,' so that's out." -- Sars]The cheftestants plan. None of them are pastry chefs, so dessert poses a problem. Harold suggests doing a cheese plate, but Tiffani thinks the judges will slam them for wimping out. Tiffani tells us it would be sad to see someone be tossed out because they aren't proficient in pastries. Colicchio arrives for his usual poking, prodding, and very unhelpful inputting.
He's just got such an attitude about him when he looks around, all blasé, and asks, "So where are we so far?" I don't get the sense that he really cares about these people in the way you can tell Tim Gunn cares about the designers. Well, except for Vincent, but no one cares about him. Except for Nurse Ratched, and that's only because he wandered off without his meds. Maybe it's because Colicchio is a judge and Tim Gunn is not, but where Tim Gunn will say, "I'm really worried about where you're going here," and look worried (as he crosses his arms and pulls at his mouth and chin), Colicchio will ask pointed and leading questions and then go outside the kitchen to half-laugh at the cameras about what a mess so-and-so is. He's cold and he's pompous, and I know he's a relic of what certain restaurant chefs were five years ago, but honestly, that trend went out with Tony Bourdain's Fear Factor-ish eating in the short-lived A Cook's Tour. Basically, I think Colicchio's Mean and Mighty Chef attitude is antiquated and stale.
Using Colicchio's presence, which was rather cagey of the bitch, Tiffani suggests that Stephen do the dessert course since he has immunity and can't be ousted. Stephen gazes at her with deer-in-headlight eyes. There's a yeasted pause. Colicchio stares at something or someone, and we go to commercial on that soap-opera-ish edit. After the break, Dave recaps the scene for us. Tiffani has asked Stephen the Big Question, and she makes a point of proudly telling us, "And Tom Colicchio was standing right there." Stephen agrees to do the dessert, because what else could he do, really? Of course, Stephen can't just do something without pompous comment, so he says, "I like to start the meal or end the meal and ending the meal is just find with me." In black and white, on the page, it doesn't seem very pompous, but it was all in his tone, which, trust me, was fish-hookable. "It was perfect, the way the timing worked out," Tiffani gloats to us, "so he really didn't have a choice but to do it." Colicchio leaves, not having really done anything. They all talk about what dishes they want to do. Miguel's on the cold appetizer; Dave's on soup; Andrea will do fish; Tiffani offers duck and gnocchi; Harold bids for the meat; Lee Anne's on pre-dessert; and Stephen has dessert. Lee Anne is optimistic that things will go well the day.Back at home on Baker Street, the cheftestants grill out with some prominently placed Kingsford starter fluid and KC Masterpiece. Seriously, why? What is up with Top Chef and the barbeque sauce? Bobby Flay and the barbeque sauce I could understand, but this incessant, apropos-of-nothing plugging I simply don't get. While eating, the cheftestants plan out their shopping day. Stephen hops on the AOL-sponsored Internet and AOLs (that doesn't work quite as well as "Googles," does it?) for "Ted Allen 'the food you want to eat.'" "Even though I had immunity, I still wanted to go way over what was expected of me, expecially as I'm not a pastry chef, so I went onto AOL to kinda gather some recipes to kind of set myself up for success," Stephen tells us.
day. The cheftestants are back at Bryan's -- which is really near where that SUV psycho intentionally plowed down nineteen pedestrians last week -- to shop for their individual dishes. Lee Anne reminds us that she had the sixth course, and she's going to be making a "lovely duo of Fourme de Ambert blue cheese and beet sorbet." Oh, Lee Anne. First the colossal screw up on spiedini, and now this? I'll start by saying that Fourme d'Ambert is, hands down, my favorite blue cheese in the world. From the Auvergne region of France, this slightly pressed cow's-milk blue is delicate, melty, spicy, and thoroughly satisfying. It's one of the more ancient cheeses, created long before Stilton, and it's my chocolate of cheese. I refuse to eat Fourme d'Ambert with or on anything -- I just slip it naked on my tongue and let it drive my senses crazy. When we first started getting Fourme d'Ambert in, we had sporadic shipments from France, so we used to hide it in the walk-in and only bring it out when people specifically asked for it. It was the cheesemonger's delight. ANYWAY, it just breaks my heart that Lee Anne pronounces it "Fourme DE Ambert." I mean, she worked/works at the French Culinary Institute -- can't she learn how to, you know, pronounce French words? I wouldn't mention it except that the name of the cheese is said many times in this ep and MANY times it is incorrect and it DRIVES ME NUTS because the cheese really deserves better. It's like "crayp" versus "crehp" when talking of "crêpes." One is correct and the other is awful. On to Andrea, who is doing a pan-seared John Dory. She loves fish. Harold gets behind the meat counter to cut up his own beef. So manly of him. Miguel is doing smoked scallops and caviar on a potato latke. He tells us he's happy to be "setting the tone for everyone else" and doesn't plan on relying on anyone else this time around.
Stephen ponces around the wine shop door. He cradles a bottle, label up, in one arm while swirling and tasting from a glass in the other. "Since I had immunity and I really had nothing to risk, I was more than happy to kind of overextend myself, being the pastry chef, and play the role of the sommelier for this meal." Stephen, don't you know that whether it's a bottle of red or a bottle of white, it all depends upon your appetite? In the shop, Stephen tells Lee Anne that everyone has a pairing for each of their courses. And that wine budget is going to come from... where?The cheftestants arrive and marvel over Frisson. Eh. I've read good and bad reviews of this place, mostly bad; I'm not moved to try it at this point. They have two-and-a-half hours to prep. Colicchio comes in to drop a bomb. He reminds them that Ted is "really nervous" about that dinner going well. Of course -- so let's increase Ted's "nervousness" by throwing a wrench in the plans. The cheftestants have to swap the courses they planned, shopped, and prepped with one another. They draw knives to find out what courses they are now assigned. Miguel gets Lee Anne's cheese course; Dave gets Andrea's fish dish; Andrea gets Miguel's scallops; Tiffani gets Harold's meat. Ahem. Harold gets Stephen's dessert; and Lee Anne gets Tiffani's gnocchi, which leaves Stephen with Dave's soup. My husband has decided that, mathematically, there had to be several onerous retakes of this scene. I'll let him explain it to you: "First of all, there is a relatively good chance (about one in three) that someone among the seven would have picked their own course. But more notably, what they pulled off is not only that no one got their own course, but the cheftestants' knife-pulls formed a so-called 'seven-cycle permutation.' It's a perfect circle of course exchange, and the chances of them doing that without multiple takes is only one in seven. So, figure on quite a few takes -- mathematically, expect seven." I don't know about you, but that just blew my mind. I knew it was tricky, but I didn't know it was that tricky.
Colicchio tells the cheftestants they are now responsible for, and will be judged on, the course they pulled. They are allowed to help each other. So much for Miguel's repeated assertions that he will depend on nobody but himself. Outside, Colicchio tells the cameras rather challengingly and shruggingly, "Part of being a top chef is being able to handle the pressure and part of handling pressure is being able to cook anything that's thrown at you. They shouldn't have a problem with this." If they shouldn't have a problem with it, what makes it a compelling wrench in their plans? Colicchio opines to us that if Stephen doesn't help Harold with the dessert course -- which they keep calling "the chocolate course" -- Harold will have quite a bit of trouble with it. I think Stephen's competitive, but I also think he's too in awe of Harold not to help him with the course. Harold is cool, and if Stephen stays on his good side he figures that by default he is also cool. Which... take off that ridiculous jacket and tie, grab an honest beer, and maybe we'll talk.
In the kitchen, Stephen explains his dish to Harold. Harold tells us, "Stephen's got all these ambitious ingredients. He's got saffron, he's got black tea, he's got five spices, he's got chocolate-covered ginger, and I'm just like, 'Dude, what the fuck? I don't cook like this.'" Harold says they have to use the same ingredients that the original cheftestant planned for the course, "so, I'm looking at him like, 'You fucking hosed me.'" That's not exactly fair. Stephen didn't plan his dish knowing that Harold or someone else would have to execute it. I mean, it's Stephen; he wouldn't be happy unless he planned a dish that included most of the weirdest and rarest combinations available to (pretentious) man. It's like Vincent and his hats for the criminally insane. You just gotta expect that from him. Stephen tells us that he's wasn't willing to let Harold go down, so they decided to team up. "We worked side-by-side," Stephen says. See? Now Stephen's on Team Cool. We see most of the cheftestants counseling each other on the dishes. Andrea is upset that she has to get her aura greasy with fried latkes: "I'm great at making healthy food taste delicious -- this is not my scene!" Tiffani is very comfortable doing Harold's meat. Shut up, Tiffani. Miguel stirs the base for the beet sorbet and suddenly and tragically announces that he "did a real doozy." He mistook salt for sugar and put the salt in the sorbet without tasting it. Miguel blathers that he's "fucking in the weeds" and he's glad he's the sixth course and he ruined the sorbet and there's nothing he can do. Wah.After the commercial break, Miguel goes on that he's done and all he's going to do is focus on helping Andrea and to hell with his dish. Andrea encouragingly tells Miguel that they can still do a cheese course. Colicchio comes in to rattle a few cages. He asks after Harold's dessert: "Is Stephen bailing you out?" "Fuck if I know," Harold grins, whisking furiously. "He says it's fine," Colicchio smiles. "Yeah, I'm glad he's confident," Harold laughs. Aw, Harold is so cute when he's not being such a crabpot. Colicchio asks Miguel how things are going. They aren't. Colicchio wants to know what cheese Miguel has on the plate. "I believe it's Camembert in the end," Miguel answers vaguely. "It's Fourme DE Ambert," Lee Anne shouts. "Oh, Fourme d'Ambert," Colicchio says correctly, "calling it Camembert isn't quite the same thing." "No," Miguel agrees. Colicchio leaves.
Andrea tells us that Miguel was so frazzled by his salty sorbet that he needed to make sure something of his went out with success, so he was concentrating on helping her: "You know, this is his world, this is what he wants to do, so I'm just going to cook the little latkes and then he can do the rest." Oh, so not a good move, Andrea! But then, I don't think she really cares about winning at all. I think she made her peace with her first ousting -- and who knows, maybe she can't actually win if she was already booted once -- and she's just back to have fun. Tiffani tells us, "You know, it is a cooking competition, and I don't think Andrea's playing it particularly well right now." Ted, Gail, and the Katie Leebot arrive at the restaurant.
Kitchen montage. Ted talks to some of the guests: Thomas McNamee (author of several things, but most notably the soon-to-be-published Alice: The Life, Times, and Vision of Alice Waters and Chez Panisse) is there, as is Laura Werlin, cheese expert and cookbook author. Everyone is at the table, and someone proposes a Ted Toast. The camera pans over to a very dour-looking Andrew McCormack, the owner of Frisson. Oh, Lord. Maybe he's annoyed because Stephen comes out to say that he's going to sabre a bottle of Champagne, explaining, "This is something Napoleon used to do to celebrate his battles." I don't care how many noddies they have of people grinning, I don't think one single food person in that room is impressed by this idea. Stephen strokes the bottle lightly with a knife -- WHERE'S THE SABRE, DUDE?! -- and knocks off the cork. Andrea cheers and plates the first course. The room applauds. I yawn. And drink. Andrea and Miguel bring out the first dish of smoked scallops and caviar on a latke. People dig in. Ted asks Colicchio if the latkes should be warm or if they are okay at room temperature. Colicchio says that the potatoes are cold and "this doesn't help." By "this," I assume he means because it was a cold appetizer. Seriously, why would you choose to make latkes for a cold appetizer?In the kitchen, Harold and Stephen prepare to serve the second course of soup. They pour cream-colored soup into shot glasses, and Harold says they make a "fucking good team" and thinks they could "open a fucking restaurant together." Stephen squeaks, "Hell, yeah." Still on Team Cool. Harold explains that he was the one who actually cooked Stephen's course because he knew they were working together on the dessert. He was fine with that arrangement. That's why you're the Top Chef, Harold. Dave is very peeved by this arrangement, but he can't be too upset, because I don't see any tears or snot. Harold and Stephen serve the roasted chanterelle soup topped with thyme-infused cream. The Katie Leebot asks loudly, "Stephen, is this your dish or Harold's dish?" Stephen explains how they are working as a team (Team Cool) on both courses. Ted asks for Colicchio's reaction on the soup. Colicchio shrugs that he thought it was good. Stephen is proud of Team Cool.
From the kitchen, Dave tells us that he just wanted to get his course served as quickly as possible to maintain the integrity of the dish. Out in the dining room, he throws out his arms and begins, "What we have, Ted --" Colicchio interrupts and says that Dave can serve first and do his spiel second. "OhcanIohcoolthanks!" Dave breathes, and rushes out. Once Dave's course is served, Ted asks him, "Are you calm?" Dave says it's as calm as he gets, and then explains that he poached his John Dory. He then pauses and tells everyone in the dining room that he was "all, 'Shit!'" when he heard about the twist. Everyone laughs. Except Colicchio. "I'm like, and I don't even have some wine to drink to boot!" Dave plays up. Ted pleads with an unflappable Colicchio to give Dave some wine. Dave is given some wine. That doesn't stop Colicchio from later noting, "The pepper's raw, the skin's on [the fish], the carrots are bland." Now no one can enjoy their dish!
In the kitchen, Dave offers Lee Anne some of his wine as she finishes her dish. Lee Anne tells us that pasta is not her strong point. She serves her fig-stuffed gnocchi with duck confit in a leek puree, seared duck breast with a fig and balsamic jam, surrounded by natural jus and watercress. Good and real duck confit usually takes at least twenty-four hours to make, sometimes even forty-eight -- maybe she went to Boulette's Larder in the Ferry Building. I fucking LOVE that mis en place. Ted wonders how one would stuff fig in a gnocchi. I wonder that as well. People love the dish and think it's the best yet. Colicchio calmly agrees, "It is good."Back in the kitchen, Tiffani slices meat and postures for the cameras, saying, "There's never a situation in a restaurant where you can just say, 'Oh, I just don't know that station, I can't work it.' What you can do is jump in and do your best." Tiffani serves her "Sirloin a la Harold." It's roasted prime beef with chard and a foie gras and onion jam. In the dining room, Tiffani has annoying banter that is trying to be disarming and humble, but I know better so I'm not buying it. The guests like the dish. By the way, on the Bravo site, they took the image of Lee Anne's duck and gnocchi and said it was this sirloin dish, which is totally wrong. Thought you might want to know.
In the kitchen, Lee Anne helps Miguel with his course. As he plates, Miguel once again asks the name of the cheese. "Fourme DE Ambert," Lee Anne tells him. "Fourme DE Ambert," Miguel repeats. He tells the cameras that he played on an old concept of a beet and blue cheese salad, but he isn't happy with his product. Out in the dining room, Miguel explains his dish: "I'd like to present my play on cheese and crackers and a classic beet salad. Here we have a, ah, classic French cheese." He cranes his neck to the kitchen: "I forgot the name." "Fourme d'Ambert?" Colicchio asks from his semi-lounging position. Miguel "yes, chef, thank you, chef"s him. So, he has a small wedge of cheese and a cracker on each dish, but then there's a pickled beet salad with watercress and Fourme d'Ambert foam. Some liked the dish, loved the crackers, and others thought the cheese overwhelmed the beets.
Harold tells us that as his course came up, he was nervous, because Stephen had been out running around between courses, doing his wine-pairing thing and not necessarily helping him out. Harold serves his dessert trio of black tea-infused milk chocolate soup, white chocolate semi-freddo (SOUPSPOON!), and warm flourless cake. Some think the whole thing was too rich, while others liked the cake. Ted thinks everyone really stepped up to the challenge. All the chefs are called into the dining room, where they are applauded. Ted covers them with all sorts of general compliments and raises his glass to them. Dismissively, the Katie Leebot tells them they will call them back for the Judges' Table.
Judges' Table. They discuss things. As the cheftestants wait, Dave asks Miguel if he's okay. "I'm fine," Miguel says with crossed arms, clearly not fine. "This is the quietest I've ever heard you," Tiffani snarks. "I had a bad DAY!" Miguel announces back. Tiffani, not looking at him, makes a silently amused face at his trauma. She's all calmly raised eyebrows and tight smug smile. Bitch. She's just SUCH A BITCH! Miguel demands to know if Tiffani goes home and jumps for joy when she's had a bad day. "No," Dave answers sympathetically in place of Tiffani. The top three -- Tiffani, Lee Anne, Stephen -- are brought to the Judges' Table. More smug smiles from Tiffani's HUGE face. They all get props, but Colicchio tells Tiffani that her beef was over-rested and her onions were underdone. She must've used a squeegee to wipe that smugness away. Lee Anne is the winner. Awesome. Lee Anne, always a class act, tells us that her win was due in no small part to the fact that Tiffani had already come up with a good dish. The Katie Leebot wants the lowdown on how things worked, teamwise, in the kitchen. Lee Anne talks about going over her dish with Miguel and then suddenly hearing "salt" from across the kitchen. Tiffani laughs snidely. Colicchio confirms that Miguel used salt instead of sugar in his sorbet. Stephen looks uncomfortable. Colicchio asks if, based on kitchen performance, Miguel should be voted off. "It's a tough call," Lee Anne starts to say. "I'll step up -- yes," Tiffani interrupts. Stephen and Lee Anne stare at her. Tiffani goes on that Miguel flipped out and got himself into a "headspace" that he was trying to dig himself out of. Stephen tells the judges that the whole thing was a shame because he doesn't think Miguel is at the bottom of the ladder. At this, Tiffani frowns confusedly at Stephen. Stephen thinks there are weaker people in the kitchen. Colicchio wants names. "Andrea, Dave," Stephen lists. Tiffani shakes her head. Sorry, but Andrea is weaker than Miguel (not sure I agree that Dave is), so I don't know what Tiffani is shaking her big ol' head over. ["That she didn't get credit for 'stepping up,' probably, because she likes to tell herself that off-sides bitchiness is 'brave.' Hate!" -- Sars] Lee Anne says that Miguel did his best and she thinks he's very happy with what he did. He didn't seem happy in the back room, hon. "It was definitely different from my original vision, but he worked with it, he went with it, and he made the best of what he could do," Lee Anne concludes. They are released. Lee Anne tells them that the judges want Dave (he nods quickly and swigs his wine; the tears are already forming!), Miguel, and Andrea.Judges' Table. Gail takes Dave to task for a lack of flavor with his vegetables, and she wonders what his approach was. Dave, getting choked up, says that he wanted to keep the flavors light and healthy as a nod to Andrea. As a nod to Andrea, he could have beefed up the fat and served it with a laxative chaser. Ted thinks he thought too much of Andrea and didn't put enough of himself into the dish. He really should have salted it with his tears. Dave swears and says extremely tearfully that he's not ready to give up on the competition or on himself. He's very passionate about what he does, because he's really talented, and he's pissed and he's holding himself back and he wants time to prove he can do it because he knows that he can. "We appreciate that," Colicchio says blandly, "but I can tell you, at this table here, it is about the food." Miguel admits that he had a bad night "from the get-go." When Colicchio asks, Miguel STILL can't remember the name of the damn cheese. As bad a night as Miguel had, he still thinks he put together an okay dish. Colicchio tells Miguel, "Lee Anne and Tiffani thought you were a mess back there." EXCUSE ME? Lee Anne did not, not, NOT say that! Colicchio, you are a liar and an ass! "And Tiffani thought you should go home," Colicchio finishes. Miguel disagrees. He admits he "had a moment," but he regrouped and pulled through.
Andrea is asked if she feels she interpreted the dish as Miguel would have wanted her to. "Uh, no, I just made the latkes," Andrea says proudly. Well, at least she's honest. But she's honestly going home. Loser music plays. Colicchio tells her that's why she's there, because she only made the latkes, and also because it was a poor decision to serve them cold. Ted says she didn't put any of herself into the dish. "I put scallions in," Andrea smiles. Aren't scallions usually included in latke recipes? "That sounds like a garnish," Ted retorts. "Well, for some people it's a garnish, but for me a scallion is so much more. I see it as part of the allium family, it's rich in sulfur compounds --" Andrea explains. Ted interrupts that her healthy eating thing is all well and good, but in a competition she needs to bring it and blow the socks off the judges. They're excused because Colicchio says, "I've pretty much heard all I need to hear."
Time for some awesomeness. In the backroom, Miguel addresses to the group: "They said there was a coupla yous that felt I should go home, so I think I'd like to hear from those people why they felt I should go home." Tiffani smiles with forced bemusement at this funny little man saying his funny little things. She then tells Miguel that she thinks he made some "really novice mistakes" that night and that's what happens when you let your nerves take over. "I never said that it was time for you to go home," she adds. LIAR! You are just such a lying liar that I can't even believe it! Miguel demands to know if she's saying Colicchio is lying, Oh, god, Dave's big red polar-bear face is squinched up in tears. Miguel continues to demand an answer, and also wants to know if Tiffani is threatened by him. Tiffani, like a coward, puts up her hands and acts like she's being the bigger person when she says, "I'm taking myself out of this conversation." "So, you feel threatened, okay," Miguel decides. "Don't get confrontational, if you want to have a conversation with me, I'll have it with you but it's going to be on a very human [as opposed to canine, bitch?], professional level," Tiffani goes on calmly. Miguel tells Tiffani she's the most confrontational person in the house: "I have one war and it's with you. I'll have two eyes on you in front of me and one eye behind me." Now, how does that work? Tiffani shrugs. And then it gets better. "You're a snake," Miguel shrugs. AND THEN HE HISSES. "Ssss!" Oh, heavens. That was awesome. It's really more about how he hissed than the fact that he hissed at all (which is already pretty freaking awesome). If possible, he hisses very matter-of-factly. It's such a contrast to the actual act of hissing that it just makes the whole scene so much more surreal and hysterical. Plus, he opened his eyes really wide when he did it. Too damn funny.
The judges do their usual thing of discussing everyone, but since we can't tell what they are really thinking, I'm glossing over it. However, Ted does note that Dave needs to get his emotions under control: "I don't see how you can possibly get anything accomplished when you're freaking out about your feelings -- we don't care about your personal problems, it's about the food." In the middle of that, we cut to Dave's red polar-bear crying face.
After the commercial break, the bottom three are brought back in front of the judges and reminded why they are the three worst that night. Andrea is sent home. She thanks them. Miguel reaches across the table and says, "I am sad to see you go, really -- you truly have been a real friend here. Thank you." That was classy. In the back room, Andrea says goodbye. Harold hugs her. Lee Anne says, "Baby, I'm so glad you got to come back," and hugs her. Lee Anne tells us, "We were all sad to see her go, I've never met a person more passionate about how to eat right. I think she's going to change a lot of lives." Tiffani tells us, "We're all here for different reasons -- not everyone's here to win, some people are here for the impact they make in other people's lives." Andrea tells us that she really had a good time and that working in the kitchens has solidified her desire to continue to do what she does. She's going back to her clients to create healthy recipes because she's great at it. Memo to the New York sewer system: brace yourself.