The Time The Truth Was Told

This weeks idiotic "heres what you need to know" voice-over is delivered by Romy the Platypus, and its all about her attempts to get J.B. into the sack and how they dont succeed. Sarah, however, managed to lock lips with Scraggle last week.

While she helps Sarah get dressed for a date with Scraggle, the Platypus complains that J.B. didnt really speak to her over Thanksgiving. Sarah tells Platypus to just call him, and Platypus tells her that she already did and "anyway, Ive been trying to make a date with him, but hes been so weird, and thats where you sort of come in." Sarah glares at her and asks, "How do I sort of come in?"

Same Bat Time, different Bat Station -- Scraggle is also getting ready for the date. Joss, who is there keeping him company, says, "I mean, shes what? Twenty?" Scraggle replies, "Almost twenty-one. Your point?" Joss snickers and asks when the last time was that Scraggle dated someone with a curfew. Scraggle isnt amused and says its just dinner and a concert. Joss notices a "nasty stain" on Scraggles shirt.

Back at the Platypus Mound, Sarah comes stumping out of the bedroom with two different shoes on, and a top that pretty much told me that this whole parade of clothes was just another way of getting Jennifer Love Hewitt in and out of revealing styles. The top is one of those corset-bodice things that were once a part of evening gowns back in the seventeenth century, the same corset things that made women faint and caused them to die in labour because their innards were so squished up, but forget all that -- the most important thing is that it gives JLH another chance to expose her dinners to the world. Well, the world of five people watching the show. Sarah is being really bitchy and saying that she doesnt want Platypus to tag along because "hello, wed like to be alone!" but Platypus tells her it would be good for J.B. to see how a "normal couple" interacts "on a date-date." Platypus suggests that Sarah could "nudge him along" by telling him how great he and Platypus look together and how beautiful their children would be. Sarah, admiring the way her dinners are overflowing the corset top and sucking in her cheeks at the same time, says, "Romy, high school is over." You couldve fooled me -- Sarah thinks shes back in high school and playing the prom queen in every episode. Platypus continues to plead, and it turns out that she has already invited J.B. on Sarah and Scraggles date.

Back in Scraggles apartment, Joss teases Scraggle for being optimistic about the relationship at this early stage, saying that "the girls got you" since the rest of their friendship has been a bit rocky. Scraggle asks Joss to be out of his place by eleven, because he and Sarah might want to come back and "you know, hang." In other words, Scraggles hoping to take someone else to bed, so he doesnt need Joss to be his hot-water bottle tonight. Theres a knock at the door, which Joss assumes to be her date for the night -- pizza -- but surprise! Its a blast from Scraggles mysterious past: an old buddy named Taylor. Joss catches sight of Taylor and says, "Whoa."

Sarah now has on her third change of clothing for the evening and is telling Platypus she can come along: "Just be low-maintenance." Platypus assures her, "You wont even know were there. Except we will be." To which Sarah, in her mega-bitch mode, replies, "Good. Because I want to get to know Maguire, not you." Um, Sarah? Who let you move in again? Romy, right? Just checking.

Scraggle lets Taylor in and tells him he looks good. Joss says, "Eighteen months and youre okay?" Taylor responds jokingly, "Well, I got a tattoo that says Bubbas bitch but Im still alive." We can assume by all this so-called secret talk that Taylor was in prison for eighteen months. Taylor asks if he can crash at Scraggles place for a few days. Scraggle looks less than thrilled and tells him, "The timings kind of bad." Taylor reminds Scraggle that he went to jail and Scraggle didnt: "Remember? You got lucky and I got screwed. But it could have easily been you, ever think about that?" Scraggle says, "Yeah, every day for the last eighteen months."

"Fallin, yes, this shows fallin, the axe is callin, I drink again..."

J.B. The Gigolo is having dinner with Joan, who says, "I did StairMaster today, so do you want to split the chocolate seizure?" J.B. reminds her that he has to go and calls for the check. Joan pouts a bit and asks if hes sure that she cant tag along with him and the guys. And the lies begin again. J.B. tells her that the concert is sold out. Joan tells him that one of her friends is having a cocktail party and she wants him to be there: "Im starting to feel as though we are hiding, and I hate that. I want my friends to meet you." Theres another reason Joan wants to show off her pre-teen boyfriend to her friends; she wants him to meet the owner of some limo company who plays racquetball with her friends husband. Apparently, theres some managerial opening, and the owner wants to talk to J.B. about it. J.B. thanks her, and Joan says shes always looking out for him as she pulls out her AmEx and slips it under the bill. J.B. looks emasculated -- or maybe his BVDs are just too small.

Walking down the street with her arm linked in Scraggles, Sarah asks him why hes so quiet. Scraggle says hes thinking about the concert they just heard. Apparently, Scraggle the Musical Genius doesnt agree with Sarah that the group was amazing, dismissing them with, "Everything about them was derivative." After Scraggle slams the group for naming themselves "Debacle" (actually, that would be a boffo name for this show), Sarah looks at him, does The Giggle and says, "God, who are you?" Platypus and J.B. the Gigolo are silently bringing up the rear, listening to Sarahs repeated giggles ahead of them. Platypus is searching for something to say to Gigolo and finally says, "I got a reading." Gigolo doesnt get it: "Like a psychic or something?" Platypus explains its a new play that is read out loud for producers -- no pay, but exposure. She gets to play some Southern belle named Lydia Belle Fontaine who is dying of consumption. Of course, while Platypus tells Gigolo all this, she has to put on a Southern accent. Platypus asks Gigolo to come hear her read, but the reading is on the same night as Joans cocktail party, so Gigolo tells Platypus that hes supposed to meet a limo guy for a job. Platypus breathes, "Thats so great, but do you think you could reschedule? I mean, youve never seen me act except for two words on that soap. Im going to be nervous." Could she be more selfish? Apparently she can, because when Gigolo walks away without taking her hand, Platypus seeks attention elsewhere and shouts down to Sarah that she has to come look at some shoes in a store window. Sarah rolls her eyes and stomps back to Platypus while Gigolo joins Scraggle. Platypus says, "Youre not nudging!" Sarah narrows her eyes at her roommate and says, "Excuse me?" Platypus insists that Sarahs supposed to be helping her: "I guess Im just going to have to throw myself at him." Sarah asks her if that wont look a little desperate, and Platypus explains that shes hoping Gigolo would find it desperate in an attractive way. Platypus tells Sarah not to come home for several more hours, and Sarah whines that she was looking forward to getting up early to look for another job. Evidently, satisfying a Platypus in heat is more important than having money for rent, so Sarah gives in and marches back to the boys. She flashes Gigolo a big smile and says, "You two look so cute together, I mean youre going to have the cutest little babies!" and then takes Scraggles arm and walks away. Gigolo asks what that was all about, and Platypus says, "Oh, shes young, in love and who knows what shes talking about. Hey, were almost home, want to come up?" Gigolo tries to stutter an excuse, but Platypus says, "Come up," in a no-nonsense tone. Sarah asks Scraggle if she can hang out at his place until she can go home. But Scraggle rejects the idea, explaining that he has an old friend "who used to tune" for him staying at his place. Sarah expresses interest in meeting his friend, but Scraggle says, "Im sure hes crashed by now -- we can just go to the bar." Did he say "crashed" or "smashed"?

Back at the Platypus Mound, Platypus has the whole seduction thing going on with candles and soft music. She adds her own non-subtle sex talk to the scene by saying that her "fave" song was the one with all the percussion, "the rhythm just throbbing and throbbing..." Oh, God, its really time to let the gin flow now. Gigolo looks disconcerted and says theres no scoop in the coffee. Platypus impatiently tells him to use a teaspoon and continues on with her sexy soliloquy: "Whew, the steams on full blast, hmm?" Meanwhile, shes taking off her bra underneath her shirt at the same time. Now thats classy. Gigolo is looking over his shoulder in horror as she dangles her bra before dropping it to the ground, much the same way that I am looking at my television set. Platypus keeps up the seduction talk: "Anyway, I like when the beat is so deep it resets your heart rhythm, you know?" Gigolo tells her that the coffee will be ready in five minutes. I am going pause here for a little rant: why do people always drink coffee late at night after dates anyway? Caffeine that late at night just doesnt make sense. Early morning, yes. Before bed, no. Okay, rant over. Back to observing the mating ritual of the Horny Platypus -- too bad David Attenborough isnt around. Platypus has sunk down on the couch, skirt pulled up a bit, and is rubbing the back of the couch suggestively. Gigolo asks if they are still getting free cable, because he wants to watch a Three Stooges marathon. Platypus slumps in defeat.

Down at the bar, Scraggle catches sight of Taylor with Joss and tries to leave, but Taylor sees them and shouts out to them. To make a pointlessly long conversation short, Taylor tells Sarah that he has just gotten back from being "upstate." Sarah says, "Oh, I hear its really pretty up there..." Taylor interrupts and tells her he meant the slammer, the big house, prison, et cetera. Scraggle keeps trying to intervene and divert the conversation, but he fails. Sarah asks Taylor why he was in the clink, and he gives her a juicy page from Scraggles mysterious past; while Scraggle was "trippin" in a limo, Taylor was trying to score from a narc and got arrested. Joss drags Taylor off, leaving Scraggle and Sarah alone. Sarah is stunned, to say the least, to find out that her new love has a drug-filled past. Scraggle and Sarah are outside the bar, and Scraggle is trying to explain himself: "Look Sarah, me and Taylor did some pretty stupid stuff together." Sarah asks, "Drugs?" No, sugar binges. Dude, of course drugs! Where were you during that whole conversation with Taylor? Scraggle tells her they did Ecstasy (remember when Brandon did that on ? Classic comedy [["and remember what they called it, U4EA or something? Ba ha ha!" -- Sars]), crystal meth, coke, "pretty much anything we could get our hands on." Sarah asks if he was an addict. Scraggle tells her he was, and how it was everywhere on the music scene and that it was the quickest way to make friends, blah blah blah. Scraggle goes on to say that things started to get really bad with Jessica and he moved out and "went on a bender for two weeks." Sarah asks how he managed to quit, and Scraggle tells her about finding his dog, Dylan, who had gone for two weeks without food or water -- that made him quit. I sure as hell hope so. Scraggle tells Sarah that he was in rehab for six weeks, didnt trust himself with money, got evicted and filed for bankruptcy. After that he "simplified" his life and got it together. Scraggle asks Sarah not to let this interfere with what they have "going on." Sarah says, "Okay," but I dont believe her.