By Nicole
So the show starts out with Bobby leaving his apartment building to go to work, and his brother is coming home. Bobby asks him where he has been, and Matt tells him he has been out. No shit! Matt then gives Bobby some money and tells Bobby to use the money to go buy himself a pair of nads and get himself a girlfriend. Matt sure is appreciative of everything Bobby has done for him since he got out of jail. Oh, wait a minute, he isn't. Bobby doesn't know why Matt is giving him money. Hmm, Bobby, I have no idea. Maybe it's to help pay for rent and utilities since he is has been sponging off of you? Then Bobby asks Matt where he got the money, and Matt tells him he has been selling drugs to school kids. Bobby totally falls for Matt's dry humor and Matt has to remind him that he got a job.
During the morning lineup, the captain tells the cops about a serial rapist. This has nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of the show, just so you know. The captain then tells Sully, Ty, and some other cops that they will be part of a raid that night to get Sunder Walker, who is a bookie. Ty almost blows his load right there, he is so excited. Sully's been there, done that, a hundred times before. I mean being a part of a raid, not blowing his load. Get your minds out of the gutter!
Yokas and Bosco are in their car and Yokas is starting to tell Bosco about how annoying Fred has been, but Bosco notices a woman's ass jogging by and must therefore ignore Yokas and watch the ass. Yokas yells at him, and then she goes on about how, for the last four days, Fred hasn't had a drink so he has been all, "Hey honey, I haven't had a beer in four days! Four days and I haven't had a beer!" and is rubbing it in Yokas's face. Bosco thinks that maybe Fred doesn't have a drinking problem. Yokas tells him that Fred can't take the kids to school two out of five times, because he isn't sober enough. Bosco thinks Yokas is overreacting. Yokas retorts with, "This, from a guy who goes slack-jawed over every female rear he sees!" and Bosco has to immediately correct her that he only drops his jaw for the good ones. Have I mentioned lately that I think there is a special place in hell reserved just for Bosco? And that I am temporarily living in that place right now as I have to observe his antics over and over again? Well, there is, and I am. So they get to their call, and they find that the guy who had taken a shit in their car is now terrorizing people outside a fancy apartment building. The doorman had hit him with a hammer because the guy was siphoning gas from someone's car. I don't know what the hell the director was snorting at this point, but this shot has the camera panning around and around and around and around and around Bosco, Yokas, the doorman, and the car-shitting guy, and they are all bickering about who is going to be arrested for what, and finally the car-shitting guy throws gas on the doorman and then throws a lighter on him. Dude! Stop, Drop, and Roll! If Dick VanDyke taught me nothing else, it was to stop, drop, and roll. Everyone should know how to do it. So Bosco remembers what Mr. VanDyke taught him and knocks the doorman to the ground and starts rolling him around, and Yokas cuffs car-shitting guy, and then the credits start.
I love the Staples commercial where the wife tells the husband she is going out Christmas shopping, and the husband follows her to Staples and then gets on the PA system and tries to "announce" what she should buy him and starts yelling at other people who look at what he is "announcing." But it is nowhere near as good as the Rain Check Boy.
Bobby and Kim in the ambulance; Bobby tells her that Matt gave him money. Kim thinks he didn't give him enough money since he has been working for over a month. Um, didn't Matt just get out of jail a week before Thanksgiving? So is this episode supposed to take place around Christmas time? Shouldn't Kim be bitching about having to automatically have that day off because she has a child? I think we've fallen into a time warp again. So they get to the burned doorman, and they help the man while Bosco and Yokas take the other guy back to their car so he can take another shit.
Doc and Carlos are in the ambulance and Doc is driving over a number of potholes. What a shock -- New York City streets have potholes! I never would have thought! So Carlos asks Doc to drive more smoothly, and Doc suggests that maybe they should have driven the Lexus that day. Score one more for Doc. What is this, now -- Doc 17, Carlos 0? ["Only if we don't subtract points from Carlos's score for all the stupid things he says." -- Sars] Doc asks Carlos why he is writing in a notebook, and Carlos tells him he is doing homework. Doc thinks that it sounds funny for an adult to be doing homework and asks Carlos if his teacher will give him a gold star or a smiley face if he gets an A. Make that Doc 18, Carlos 0. Doc's cell phone rings and he answers it; paramedics from another precinct just brought his father to Mercy Hospital. Is Mercy Hospital the only hospital in the city? It reminds me of Melrose Place -- the only bar they only went to for the first few years was Shooters, and then the only place they went to for dinner or drinks was Kyle's. The only place to go to in New York City when you are sick or hurt is to Mercy Hospital.
Ty and Sully are at a coffeehouse and a guy is telling them about a robbery that happened the night before; he's only getting around to telling them now because the robbers locked him in the back room. He tells them there were three guys and they were Hispanic (so I wonder if that really means they were Mexican or Filipino) and one guy had a cast on his wrist and a tattoo on his neck. As they leave the coffeehouse, Sully is eating a pastry of some sort while Ty sees some kid by the car; Ty goes over to him and acts like they're old friends or something. The kid's name is Malcolm, and he is all pissed off that Ty has been talking to social services and asking how Malcolm is, and he tells Ty to leave him alone. Apparently, Malcolm is a potential problem that Ty wants to solve, because he wants to be like Sully and go around solving problems. Sully tells him that Malcolm runs numbers for Sunder Walker, and if he is with Walker during the bust he will be arrested and probably get six months of juvie.
Doc and Carlos rush into the ER and they see Morales. She tells them that it was an accidental overdose (like we don't see what's coming here from a mile away) and that Doc's dad is stable now. Doc goes to his father's room, and Carlos stays with Morales, and doing his best (or worst, however you look at it) Joey Tribiani from Friends impersonation, he goes, "So, how you doin'?" Morales tells him she is good and that she has to go tend to other patients, and she walks away and leaves Carlos to stare after her and nod his head like those baseball player statues with the spring necks whose heads just bob up and down and up and down and up and down.
Doc sees his dad in bed. Father/son bickering, dad had a headache during the night and took the wrong medication, yadda yadda yadda, father/son banter.
Ty and Sully are going to a convenience store. I guess that pastry Sully had from the coffeehouse a few minutes earlier just wasn't satisfying enough. Ty is complaining that if Malcolm goes to juvie, he will turn to a life of crime when he gets out. Sully tells him Malcolm should have thought of that before he started running numbers. Ty says that Malcolm is living below the poverty line and that it's not like he's dealing dope. From the man who thinks everything is black and white, wrong or right, it is okay to be part of an illegal gambling ring as long as you aren't dealing drugs? If Maggie heard him talking this trash, you know she would smack him upside the head. So Sully tells Ty that if he wants to help Malcolm, he should get him a good lawyer. He then asks Ty to get him a coffee. Ty asks, "Black?" and Sully answers, "Yeah! Just like how I like my women!" No, not really, but you know that was what he was thinking. Ty sees a Hispanic man with a cast on his wrist and a tattoo on his neck and he pulls his gun on him. Ty seems to be a premature gun puller-outer. I think there's a pill you can take for that.
Bosco and Yokas are walking up a few flights of stairs and Bosco is complaining about people living in buildings that are so old they don't have elevators. Hey Bosco, there are houses in the United States that people live in today that still don't have running water or electricity, so I think that you should just shut your pie hole about having to walk up a few flights of stairs. They go to an apartment and a woman who is holding a big troll doll lets them in. She tells them her little girl is sick, and as she walks them to her daughter's room they pass the kitchen, which looks like a bakery with all these cakes and pies and other baked goods piled up on the table and counters. They get to the daughter's room and they find an adult woman that weighs about a ton, literally, lying in her bed panting and wheezing.
Bobby is getting out of the ambulance at the station, and Sully walks over to tell him that a coffeehouse was robbed the night before, and that three guys did it, and the one they caught was a friend of Matt's. He asks Bobby to talk to his brother and to have him turn himself in if he was one of the people who robbed the coffeehouse.
The new Ford Focus is ugly. And I think they are overpriced.
Bobby and Kim go to the electronics store where Matt works, and they ask the manager if they can talk to Matt. The manager tells them that Matt quit over a week ago. Uh oh! Dum da dum dum!
Ty and Sully are in the car, and Ty asks if Sully is hungry. Didn't they just leave a convenience store? How often do these guys eat? Ty talks Sully into going out of their way to eat at a certain restaurant because he likes the fries there. I won't comment on the fact that Ty can talk Sully into anything with the promise of yummy french fries.
Bobby and Kim are in the ambulance driving somewhere, and they come to a screeching stop sort of to the sidewalk, and Bobby gets out and goes over to some guy standing on the sidewalk who is friends with Matt. Bobby asks this guy where his brother is and if he knows whether Matt robbed a coffee house the night before. The guy says that Danny (the guy with the cast and neck tattoo) was on smack and "went loco" and robbed the coffeehouse, but he doesn't know if Matt was with him. Kim tells Bobby they've got a call, so Bobby gives the guy The Hand and walks back to the ambulance.
Doc and Carlos are at Doc's dad's place to pick up some stuff. Carlos is looking at pictures around the house and spots an old picture of Doc as a kid, and he starts making fun of the 'fro Doc had in the picture. Doc asks Carlos if he has any pictures of himself as a goofy-looking kid. Carlos says that he didn't have anyone who cared enough to take pictures of him. Get out your party hats -- it's a pity party for one! I've noticed that Kim has stopped telling anyone who would listen to her that she has a child and an ex-husband who won't pay child support, but now Carlos can't stop telling people he was a foster child. Shut up already, WE GET IT! So Doc looks for prescription pills his dad might need, and Carlos finds an empty prescription bottle on the bedside table. The plot thickens.
Ty and Sully are walking to the restaurant and Ty tells Sully that he'll meet him inside because he wants to go to a CD store down the street. What could Ty possibly be up to? Would Maggie approve?
Bobby and Kim are checking out the obese lady. She is in heart failure. Kim tells Bosco and Yokas that she has to get to a hospital ASAP, but they can't get a gurney down the stairs or get the woman to walk down five flights. Bosco tells them that he isn't going to carry her and that the ducks -- which I'm assuming means the firemen -- are on their way so they can get the hernias. The woman's mother just happens to be standing right behind him when he says that, and Kim looks at Bosco and says what I have been yelling at the TV since September: "One time, Boscorelli. Think. Don't talk." Yokas comments on the spread in the kitchen and how she would never let her kids get so big. Jimmy and company come in, and Yokas tells Jimmy he was called to help the medics help carry a patient. Jimmy asks Bobby why he makes it so easy to make fun of him. Bobby and Kim move to the side so Jimmy can see the patient, and I think I heard a thud, which was the sound of Jimmy shitting a brick. Kim asks if they have any ideas on how to get her out and Bosco suggests that they put her on a diet and wait until spring. With the way time is distorted on this show, that could be week. Jimmy suggests that they knock out walls and a window and lower her down to the street.
Sully is at the restaurant and is served his burger and fries. Ty is walking down the street looking for Malcolm. Oh, hey, he just happens to be exactly where Ty is looking for him. How convenient. It seems pretty easy for these cops to find the people they are looking for -- a little too easy, if you ask me. So Ty tells Malcolm that he has Knicks tickets and asks him if he wants to go with him that night. Malcolm gives him some attitude, but finally accepts his invite and says he'll meet him at the Garden fifteen minutes before game time. What is that rascally Ty up to now?
So walls are being torn down, and Kim is checking on the obese woman again. She tells Yokas to get Bobby for her because she needs help, and Yokas finds Bobby talking on his cell phone; she asks him if he is okay, and Bobby asks her if she knows anything about a robbery at a coffeehouse the night before. She doesn't. Meanwhile, the mother is still holding that troll doll and offering everyone cookies. Yokas pulls her to the side and tells her that she needs to get out of the way of the firefighters so they can get Tina (the first time we hear the obese woman's name) out and get her help. Tina's mother thinks that she should make food for Tina to help build her strength. Yokas tells her that she doesn't need to eat, and the mom tells Yokas that food makes Tina happy. Yokas asks the mother if weighing 1,000 pounds and being stuck in her room makes Tina happy. The mom just wants her daughter to be happy and well. From the beginning of this whole deal, the mother has had this bizarre smile on her face, and she still hasn't lost it. What a freak.
Ty comes into the restaurant. Sully asks where his CD is, and Ty tells him that the store was out. He then orders a burger and Sully asks if he is going to get fries. Ty's all, "No. They pack on the pounds." Um, Sully, have you gotten the slightest clue yet? I thought you were the master problem-solver.
Doc's dad is still in the hospital, and Doc comes in and asks his dad if he tried to commit suicide, because the prescription bottle that he found to his bed was only a week old and already finished. His father tells him that he did try to kill himself because he is falling apart; he has multiple medical problems and every day will just get worse, and he is tired of his life and wants to die.
Why are Howie Long and Teri Hatcher in a Radio Shack commercial together? Why?
The firemen are taking out a window of the apartment, and the mother asks Jimmy if he plans to fix the walls when he's done. She is still smiling and holding the troll doll. Bosco goes over to Tina and tells her that they will get her out soon. As he is walking away, she asks him to stay so they can talk. Bosco is all flustered, probably because he only feels comfortable talking behind people's backs. Tina thinks he doesn't want to be around her, and she is right, but Bosco says he thought she would prefer to talk to another woman about woman things. Tina asks if she is so awful that he doesn't even want to talk to her. Now, if only her back was turned to him he would be able to speak freely, but instead he decides to sit down to her and shut up for a minute. She tells him that she is embarrassed about how she will look to everyone. Bosco tells her she looks fine and offers to brush her hair. She tells him that she doesn't care about her hair; she weighs 800 pounds. She asks Bosco if he would want to date her, and he tells her he wouldn't. She says she appreciates his honesty and laments that she always wanted an honest man. Bosco pretends that he is really looking at her back and tells her that right now they need to get her to the hospital to get her better, and then they can worry about who she dates. Bosco's pep talk gives Tina chest pains. I would get chest pains too if I had to have a conversation with Bosco.
Doc is in the ER coffee room talking to Morales. He asks her if his father's case looked like an attempted suicide. She asks him if there's something she should know, because she could help. He acts all evasive and thanks her for her time. I think Doc would be the worst person to plan a surprise party; he would be all, "Uh, so, if someone threw a party for you, would you like a party at a restaurant, or, maybe, my apartment? Why do I ask? No reason. But what would you prefer? Not that there is any reason for me asking. I was just wondering."
The platform is all set up for Tina to be moved onto and lowered down. Everyone lifts her in her bed and moves her to the platform. Bobby gets on the platform with her and they are lowered down to the street. When they get to the street, the platform is moved into a flatbed truck, and Bobby and Kim get into the truck with Tina. Carlos closes the door, and the back of the truck has no lights so they are in complete darkness. Creepy. The truck drives off, and the mother stands on the sidewalk watching, still holding her troll.
Ty and Sully are at the numbers bust. They bust in, and bad guys run all over the place like bugs when you lift up a rock. Ty runs down and catches Sunder Walker, and he is all proud of himself. Maggie will be so proud!
Forrest Gump is now a prison guard in The Green Mile.
Bosco and Yokas are finished with their shift, and he asks her if she wants to go out for a drink. Yokas tells him that it would look really bad to Fred if she went out drinking, and she knows Bosco doesn't want her to come between him and some gullible girls he can find at a bar. Preach it, sister! They see Kim and ask her how Tina is. She tells them that Tina will be okay. Not if she goes back home to her troll-toting cookie-offering mother, she won't be.
Ty and Sully in the locker room; Sully tells Ty he did well because for once he didn't embarrass him. Score one more for the veteran! Sully also mentions that Malcolm was lucky not to be around for the bust. Ty tells Sully about the Knicks-tickets scam he played on Malcolm to keep him away from the bust. Sully tells him that Malcolm wasn't around for the bust, so Sunder is going to blame Malcolm for getting him pinched. Oops. Way to solve that problem, Ty!
Bobby is waiting outside the apartment for Matt. When Matt arrives, Bobby accuses him of robbing the coffeehouse. Matt tells him that he got another job washing dishes at a Chinese restaurant, and of course Bobby doesn't believe him. Matt explains that it was too easy to steal something at the electronics store, so he quit because he was afraid of being tempted to steal again. Bobby feels bad for thinking the worst of his brother, and Matt is pissed off at Bobby for thinking the worst, and he leaves.
Malcolm is waiting for Ty outside the precinct. He is pissed off about Ty blowing him off; Ty tells him about the raid and explains that he made up the story about having Knicks tickets so Malcolm wouldn't get arrested. Malcolm goes apeshit and tells Ty that Sunder is going to blame him for the bust and kill him, and then he runs off. Geez, Ty. Even a kid could see that your scheme would backfire like an old pickup truck.
Doc visits his dad in the hospital. Morales comes in with Doc and tells his dad that she knows what he tried to do, so she's going to give him a psychological evaluation. Doc tells his dad that his life is also part of Doc's. Dad tells Doc that, since Doc's wife died, Doc has stopped being a part of his family's life and he needs to get control of his own life before he tries to control other's lives. I realize that watching these two bicker has taken away hours of my life that I can't get back.
Bobby and Kim are sitting outside Kim's apartment building. What is it with not going into their apartments? Why hang out on the stairs of the building? Was the shooting budget so low that they couldn't spring for indoor sets and lighting? Bobby feels bad about accusing Matt of robbing the coffeehouse. Kim tells him that his accusation was justified. Bobby finishes whatever he is drinking in a can that is wrapped with a paper bag. Man, they couldn't even get product placement for the show. No wonder the budget is so low! So Bobby says he needs to go. Kim gives him a kiss on the cheek, and Bobby looks like he wants to jump her bones. I guess he didn't use Matt's money to get nads, because he just gets up and leaves.
Doc is sitting in the ER waiting room, and Morales sits down to him. Blah blah blah, getting old, things stop working, blah blah blah you did the right thing fishcakes. Morales asks Doc if he wants to go get some coffee and talk. She wants him. He thanks her for the coffee offer and declines, and as she walks away he just sits in the chair and ponders the mysteries of life. I'm doing that too, and right now I'm wondering how to solve the mystery of how I get through these recaps without going blind since my eyes are constantly rolling to the back of my head. Fade to black.