By Omar G
[On the radio]
Okay, we're back, listeners. Thanks for being patient during the commercial break. We're back with a caller from New York. Kim, are you there?
Yeah. I'm here, Dr. Laura.
What can I do for you, Kim?
Well, it's my ex-husband. We just keep sleeping together and I think it may be adversely affecting my son. He probably thinks we're going to get back together when in fact, my ex-husband is planning his wedding with another woman. Oh, and I slept with my work partner and now there's all kinds of weird sexual tension.
I see. And why do you keep sleeping with your ex-husband if he's engaged to someone else?
I dunno. I think we're made for each other.
I think you're an idiot. Are you a lesbian by any chance, Kim?
No, I don't see what that --
Okay then, don't worry. You'll be fine. caller?
Previously on Third Watch: Kim and Jimmy divorced because he slept with Kim's sister. Kim can't keep her hands off sexy Jimmy. Jimmy gets shot, and Kim is there to comfort and, yes, sleep with Jimmy. So, to recap: while every other character who has had their own episode this season gets to wrestle with inner demons, explore their lot in life, and explore what it is they do in life, Kim's entire existence in these previouslys is defined by her desire for Jimmy. Way to lose two of a character's three supposed dimensions.
The episode starts with Kim's voice-over as home movie footage of a wedding rolls. A little girl keeps popping up, and the woman in the video is marrying what looks like a young, shaggy Bill Paxton. In her voice-over, Kim talks about how if you own a lot of something, you're a collector. That's why she owns sixteen vintage leather jackets: she can't throw anything away. Metaphor alert: she can't throw Jimmy away. But wait, he's the one getting married again. I don't think he's the trash here. Kim goes on about how she hates to throw things out and it's hard to figure out what's worth keeping. Except the closed-captioning dialogue wildly diverges into a list of what stuff Kim collects (including CDs and 8-tracks).
thing we see is Kim looking at a photo of that home movie wedding. Joey, her son, interrupts the nostalgia, asking what she's looking at. Then he starts kicking a box for no reason. He's got one of her vintage shirts wrapped around his back, and Kim gets after him for it. She asks how he'd like it if she cut off Mr. Wompy's nose, and that her collectibles are her own Mr. Wompy. Now I'm no Dr. Spock, but threatening to cut off the nose of your child's favorite toy probably won't get you nominated for Mother of the Year. Just a guess. She tells Joey not to touch any of her stuff. They get packed up and ready for Joey to go to school.
Outside, Jimmy and Brooke are picking Joey up for school. Kim shows Jimmy the Bruce Springsteen shirt she dug out. Kim and Jimmy get into a short tussle about who's supposed to take Joey that night (he's got physical therapy, she's got more engagements to bust up). Brooke settles the mini-argument by offering to take Joey that night and spending some quality time with the kid. Brooke came from the distant planet of Nice Stepmom, a place whose mysteries scientists are only now beginning to unravel.
At the station, everybody is bitching about a clothes drive they're doing for the poor. Kim's forgotten to bring stuff, but is sporting an old and multi-colored jacket that she's refusing to give to the poor. Bobby brags that he brought lots of stuff for the poor. You know, it doesn't really count as charity if you go around braying about how good you are at it. Doc bitches about the "damn" charity drive and how nobody cares. Man, Doc's gotten really bitter lately. I liked it better when he was the only character on the show with any redeeming values. A call comes through the speaker: Kim and Bobby are off to help a guy with heart problems. Doc asks if the person's wife still gives them baked goods. Bobby beams and refuses to trade calls with Carlos. Carlos goes without tasty baked goods. Pobrecito Carlos. "Who let the dogs out!" Bobby calls out as he leaves. That's going to sound so dated when this episode airs in reruns. Kim laughs, partly from that, partly because Carlos is trying on a ridiculous yellow jacket.
Kim and Bobby are at someone's house, taking the blood pressure of a guy who looks like John Amos from Good Times. He says he's having a good day. And his wife (or it could be his daughter; it's tough to tell) is looking out for him. It's very pleasant and relaxed, not what you'd expect a paramedic's day to be like at all. Isn't somebody in New York dying and more in need of their help at that moment? Loretta offers snacks and the man complains (but sweetly) that the only sugar he gets is the one on his lips. A golf joke is made, and he says that Tiger Woods has got nothing on him. This man is like Mr. Sweet-Natured Homily. Kim and Bobby leave in a good mood, and she joshes him about wanting to get his weekly cobbler fix.
Outside, Bobby says how much he likes the couple they just visited, and he admires the way Loretta, the woman, takes care of the man, Jackson. Bobby asks about Jimmy and comments about how Jimmy came back to work too early after getting shot. Yeah, we saw that episode, but thanks for the update. As they're talking, they get a call on a fire. Kim discovers the address is that of Joey's school. They take off.
At the school, a burning trashcan is found in a school bathroom. Sully and Ty are on the scene and have a little good-natured squabble about who's going to do the paperwork. Oh, the sweetly-intentioned ribbing. A teacher brings Joey into the bathroom where Kim and Bobby are standing. Kim goes to hug Joey and notices he's all wet. "Oh no," she says. The teacher says Joey just stood and watched the trashcan burn. Kim says there's no way he could have done it because his father's a fireman. Um, call for attention, anyone? She starts asking Joey questions about what happened, but Kid Pyro just stands there, looking meek and mild. He finally just shrugs, and Kim looks lost and confused. Cut to the opening credits while I drink a tall beer and prepare for a whole hour of Kim not being able to handle life.
Commercial for Sears' semi-annual lingerie sale. Question to Sears: why just semi-annual?
The dreaded principal's office. The principal, who has a nicer office than most university deans, is telling Kim that sometimes a divorce can be hard on a kid and make it difficult to adjust. Wow, what remarkable insight into the human condition. Kim tells the principal that she and Jimmy get along fine, and she thought Joey was adjusting just fine too. Speaking of adjusting, Jimmy and Brooke come in. The dean, er, principal, asks Joey to sit outside. Brooke helpfully volunteers to go sit in the car. Kid Pyro sits outside with the door open where he can hear every word. The principal suggests a child therapist. Why not get an adult therapist and give the treatment to Kim, instead? Jimmy asks if it's necessary. The kid tried to recreate the Backdraft ride from Universal Studios in the school bathroom. I think it's necessary. The principal goes off to make a copy of some phony baloney list, leaving Kim and Jimmy to argue about whether Joey was fine that morning or if Kim did something to set Kid Pyro off. Jimmy offers to take Joey to physical therapy and talk to the lad. Kim says they need to speak to him together. Jimmy suggests a "family meeting." Uh oh. "That's ironic," Kim says. Uh, no it isn't. Kim says, "Eight o' clock, my place," because it's actually a date, not a "family meeting," in Kim's eyes.
Cut to the ambulance, where Kid Pyro is riding along with Bobby and Kim. Hey, Joey, try not to set the stretcher on fire, okay? Joey asks if they're having lasagna for dinner. Kim asks about the fire. Joey asks about parmesan cheese. The kid's got problems. Kim tries to get Joey's attention again, and now he's talking about Christmas trees. Kid Pyro is turning into Kid Rainman.
At Kim's mother's house, Joey is destructively playing with stuffed animals while Bobby notices a photo. Oh man, it is Bill Paxton! Or someone who looks just like him. He asks who it is, and Joey says it's "Grandpa Ron." Kim looks over at her mother, who looks like she's in agony having people treading on her clean carpet. "Best thing that every happened to you," Kim says to Mom. Mom makes a pained smile that clearly doesn't agree. Kim's mother hems and haws about having to take care of Joey, and then finally relents. She is the least friendly grandma ever. She calls Joey her little "firebug," and Kim says it's not a joke. Kim and Bobby leave. Kid Pyro is left behind to fend for himself against Grandma Joykill.
Back at Jackson and Loretta's house. Bobby and Kim rush in because the guy finally suffered a bad heart attack. Loretta is panicking. Kim and Bobby just stand around until Kim finally tells Loretta that Jackson's heart stopped. "No!" Loretta cries. Wait, can't they at least try to give him CPR or something? What's the hold-up? Loretta cries. Bobby wishes there was more cobbler. "He was in such a lot of pain," Kim tells Loretta. Kim tells Loretta that Jackson can be at peace and that Loretta can let him go. She's smiling the whole time, as if reassuring Loretta that she just won the lottery.
At the station, Brooke walks in on Kim making a peanut butter sandwich. She asks about Joey, and Kim doesn't take the question too seriously, like she's already forgotten what happened. Kim asks if that's why Brooke came to the station. Nope, she's just picking up Jimmy's check while he works out. Way to be Jimmy's errand girl. Brooke says that Jimmy is working out and preparing to come back to work because he pushed it too hard and wasn't ready last time. Yeah, we know. We saw it last week. Brooke did have a hidden agenda, though: she says she wants to make sure there's a balance between Jimmy's house and Kim's. She does this very nicely, saying that they want to raise Joey the way Kim wants him to be raised and according to her rules. Wow, what a nice lady. She even asks Kim to draw up a list of rules, Joey's allergies and the like. "It doesn't have to be weird between us," Brooke says. Oh, just wait.
Inside the ambulance again, Bobby is eating. He says he hates the smell of nail polish, which Kim is using to "fix a little repair [sic]." Bobby says he doesn't like it because it reminds him of his sisters. They discuss briefly putting Joey in a public school instead of private. A Catholic school is the only school Jimmy's parents will pay for, Kim says. Bobby argues that in a public school, you have sex on the subway instead of at the Waldorf. Good to know. As they're talking, Kim notices a car she says is "treading water." Bobby keeps talking, thinking she's talking about Jimmy and Brooke, but instead she's talking about the driver across the street, who's driving like a drunk. Sure enough, the car hits a construction worker. "Go, Bobby, go!" Kim yells. He does. The car stops as it knocks over some construction. Kim and Bobby travel about the length of the street and stop as Kim calls in the incident, requesting police, fire and EMS.
Kim and Bobby get their stuff together. Bobby calls triage. He helps the construction worker as Kim goes to the car. The driver emerges, head bloody, slurring his words and talking about how he was changing CDs. Yes, if the CDs were "Boozy, Abusive Drinking Songs" by Bing Crosby and "Going To Prison For The Rest Of My Life" by Rick James. Kim goes into the car. A woman is staring, looking dead and bloody. "Thass my wife," the drunk driver slurs. Drunky McHomicide tries to get into the car with Kim. She yells at him. Carlos and Doc pull the guy away as Kim shouts out the woman's vitals. There are none. She's lost the heartbeat. Kim puts the oxygen mask on the woman's face. "Wha, what about the baby?" the drunk guy yells. "There's a baby?" Kim asks. Doc and Carlos start hunting in the back seat, but there's no kid. Kim feels the passenger side woman's stomach. "Oh my God, Doc, she's pregnant!" Kim calls out. Doc asks the drunk guy how pregnant his wife is. He doesn't answer. Doc yells the question in the guy's face. "Uh, eight months," the man says, hopefully on his way to sobering up. Kim says that as long as they're doing CPR, the baby is still alive. Doc agrees and says it might be a viable fetus. "Let's get her out, NOOOWWW!" Kim yells as we go to commercial. And here I thought the only action this episode would be in Kim's bedroom.
The firemen arrive. Kim announces that the woman's leg is caught in the car and she's dead, but the baby is alive. Doc says the baby has about ten minutes. The firemen say it'll take a while to get the woman loose. Kim wants someone to call the hospital and get a field amputation approved. Doc says it might take fifteen minutes. "We're not going to try to save this baby?" Kim asks. "Cut it off," Kim says finally. Doc says no. Kim says yes. Sounds like her relationship with Jimmy. "That's not our call," Doc says. Kim says, "Screw protocol," doing her best impression of the dearly departed Doug Ross from ER, and says she's not giving up. One of the firemen proclaims that the woman is already dead and he'll cut off the leg. Doc still doesn't approve. Carlos, who witnessed Doc doing a similar feat of rule-breaking two weeks ago, tells Kim she's going to get nailed for this. Kim ignores him and asks for a tourniquet. Kim says the husband can watch because it's his fault anyway. Doc protests one last time. "Help me or get out of my way, Doc," Kim says, now channeling the spirit of Ripley from the Alien films. Doc calls the hospital as Kim and crew go to work. Doc pretends on the phone that he can't hear and that he had a bad signal and was disconnected. See, I knew Doc's rebel heart would finally win out. The sound of sawing begins.
At the hospital, Kim is walking along with the stretcher carrying the dead woman and her live baby. Bobby's on top doing CPR. A doctor that looks a little like Noah Wyle says, "What the hell? I did not give permission for this," when he sees the amputation. Kim explains the situation. The doctor throws Kim and Bobby out of the room. Kim watches through the window as the doctors deliver the tiny, bloody baby. The doctor gets a pulse from the baby. Kim grins. The doctor gives her a dirty look because apparently he would have rather the baby died on the scene. "We saved the baby," Kim says, finally.
In the hospital break room, Kim is wiping her uniform. Doc and Carlos come in. The construction worker isn't going to make it. Bobby fills them in on the baby. Carlos reveals that the driver who caused the accident was indeed drunk and will hopefully get some major prison time. Kim throws out the bummer line of the week: that morning the baby had a family, now it's all alone. Bobby says maybe the baby will end up somewhere better. Kim argues that it could be someplace worse. You saved the baby, Kim. Can't you lighten up for just a second?
Kim and Bobby arrive at a newsstand, where the young newsstand guy (who is so atypical a newsstand guy that you know something's up) says an old man who bought newspapers from him hasn't been around for about three weeks. Upstairs, Yokas is kneeling in front of a guy who is doing a passed-out Archie Bunker impression in his La-Z-Boy. Bosco says there are ten passed out crackheads in the kitchen. The old man's son apparently turned the home into a crack house. Kim asks the man a question, and he responds with gibberish. "He's a nut," Bobby sympathetically says. The man mumbles, "Boobie," which catches Bosco's attention. Bosco tries to ask him about the crack, but Kim tells him the old man is out of it. As they're getting the old man out, Kim looks at old photos around the house. Military service. A marriage. Awwww.
Outside, the newsstand guy says he was worried about the old man. The newsstand fellow (who will henceforth be known as One Night Newsstand Man), says he'll call Kim later to check on the old man. Kim says to call the hospital. One Night Newsstand Man says, "Why don't I just call you." Kim says, "You've got to be kidding." She shuts the ambulance door. Bobby smiles and walks off.
Kim's back at the station, getting dressed to leave early. Alex from last week's episode comes up and is acting friendly all of a sudden. She asks Kim if everything's okay. Kim says she's got a family thing. "Lucky you," Alex says. Alex tries to guess what's going on. Kim calls it a "family reunion." O, delusion, please save us.
Family meeting time. Kim is wearing a see-through black top that is more "family orgy" than "family meeting." Jimmy compliments the lasagna. Joey goes on and on about how it's Jimmy's favorite and he remembers three years ago when Jimmy ate some of Kim's great lasagna. Jimmy asks Joey if he remembers their talk about fire safety. The one about not setting fires, for instance. Joey gets on the floor and demonstrates "stop, drop and roll." Joey finally gets the lecture on how fire is bad, and he reveals that another kid named Adam was teasing him. They ask if that's what caused the fire, and Joey goes autistic again and won't say yes or no. Jimmy and Kim exchange looks.
Later on after the "family meeting," Jimmy is putting Joey to bed. As soon as Jimmy closes the door, Kim pounces on him, kissing him all over. Jimmy moans, "Kimmy," as Kim says she missed him. With no hesitation, Kim starts kissing Jimmy's chest and taking off his shirt. They start making out in earnest until they get to the couch and Jimmy is in some pain from his injury. That must have knocked some sense into Jimmy, because as Kim is trying to swallow Jimmy's chest, he tells her to wait. Suddenly, he doesn't seem so interested. "You tired?" she asks. "Yeah." Kim, whose hormones are now the temperature of Mercury, says they've got plenty of time. Oh yeah, Brooke won't notice that the family meeting turned into a slumber party. Kim tells Jimmy she loves him. Jimmy, seeking some semblance of morality, tells Kim that Brooke came to visit him every day and night at the hospital. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come around," Kim says, totally misunderstanding his point. Kim snuggles up to Jimmy. She looks content. He looks scared. So scared that we go to commercial.
As if I needed another reason to dislike Val Kilmer, here he comes in the movie Red Planet. A planet where crap movies evolved from last year's crap movies?
At the station the day, Bobby is asking how the family meeting went. Kim neglects to mention that she tried to get a Jimmy Jump. Carlos and Doc walk in, and Carlos asks if she's gotten a call for review yet. "The baby lived," Kim says. "Lucky for you," Carlos says. Kim asks what that's supposed to mean. "The time you start hacking limbs, make sure I'm nowhere near," he responds. Kim defiantly says she'd do it again. Doc backs Carlos up by saying that if she does something like that again, he'll write her up himself. Tough talk from the former anarchist. Doc bitches Kim out. She continues to assert that she made the right judgment call. Then the truth comes out: Doc is getting grief from the higher-ups, including his lady, Morales. Ah, frozen out of the bed, were we, Doc? Doc says that he won't let Kim put him in that position again. (Or allow him to be forced not to get into any position with Morales, as it were.) Bobby comes back around, asking what happened with Joey. Kim tells him that he just wants his family back. "How'd you get around that?" Bobby asks. When Kim doesn't respond, he says, "Oh no. You slept with him?" Kim tells him, "Absolutely not." But it wasn't for lack of trying, right, Kim? She says that she said "I love you" to Jimmy. "We're making another go of it," Kim says. "We" who? You and the mouse in your pocket, Kim? Kim says she knows what's best for Joey: wanton wrongness. Bobby tells Kim that she doesn't love Jimmy. She walks off. As she does, Carlos asks Bobby if he and Kim are...and then he makes a hand gesture. Bobby just walks off.
Very uninteresting subplot alert: Doc, Carlos, Bobby and Kim show up for a soccer altercation. Some kid cleated another, and one of the parents started having chest pains. The parent, a hyper father, argues with the soccer coach. The scene goes nowhere, except as a way for Kim to mention that her stepdad used to come to her soccer games.
In the ambulance, Bobby and Kim argue some more. He says she's not thinking through Joey's needs. She doesn't think he has the right to tell her what to do. They're both right, and yet both so very wrong. Bobby argues that her getting back with Jimmy won't solve things. Kim counters that Joey needs a father. As they're arguing, Doc pulls up and yells that Kim has his bag, which she picked up during the soccer altercation. Doc's mad. They pull over, and Doc gets his things while Kim wonders why someone would get so mad over such a little thing like a misplaced bag that could save lives. Whoops.
As Doc pulls out, Bobby and Kim give their closing arguments. Bobby says Kim should get on with her life. She says she wants her life back. "We belong together," Kim says, and then blames the whole thing on her sister, who slept with Jimmy way back in the day. Bobby pulls out the best summation so far: she can't explain the divorce to Joey because she doesn't understand it herself. "This is all about you," Bobby says, and then yells at her to wake up as they get back into the ambulance.
In street clothes, Kim walks in to the diner where her sister works. Out of nowhere, she asks Melanie (the sis) when she got the idea to sleep with Jimmy. Melanie looks uncomfortable and asks if that's why Kim came to see her. Yep. Melanie apologizes again. Kim asks how Melanie seduced Jimmy. "You think I seduced him?" Melanie asks. Oh, lordy. Kim rails on Melanie and finally says that she wants to know how to keep women like Melanie away from "her husband." Present tense. "You're back together again?" Melanie asks. Kim walks out.
stop on the Destruction Train: Kim shows up at Jimmy's door. She wants to talk. Jimmy asks if whatever it is she wants can't wait until the morning. Kim notes that Brooke is working nights. "So what's the problem?" she asks. Oh no. Can't she just make her booty calls via the telephone like everybody else? Kim brings up old memories and tries to sound romantic while Jimmy looks at her like she's crazy. "Got any wine inside?" she asks. Jimmy says he's tired and gets up to go back inside. Kim tries to kiss Jimmy. He says he wants to sleep. "Just go home. I'm really not up for this." He breaks away. Kim yells, bangs on the door, then pulls out her cell phone and starts calling Jimmy inside. She gets Brooke's voice on the machine. She calls again. And again. It's sad when they go psycho like this, huh?
The Destruction Train's destination: the newsstand. Kim shows up looking appropriately slutty after reading 101 Ways To Pick Up A Minimum Wage Employee. She asks the cute newsstand guy what time he gets off. "As soon as we get our clothes off," he thinks. Because she is subtle and classy, Kim then grabs a three-pack of Trojans from the newsstand. One Night Newsstand Guy manages to knock off work a little early. Cheesy seduction music plays and we cut to...OH MY GOD. He is totally on her from behind, and it's like Cinemax After Dark with just a few more shadows and a lens smeared with Vaseline for that glowy halo effect. The guy dismounts, rolls over, and they're all sweaty. NBC, you dirty little network. The song continues to play. The lyrics go, "This is our last stand." Get it? Last stand? One night stand? Newsstand? The layers here, people. Very subtle layers.
Kim goes to her mom's to pick up Joey. We thought the train had derailed by now, but it reaches its final destination: Kim accuses her mother of not having set up a stable home. Kim is in her room from when she lived at home, surrounded by U2 and The Cure posters. She tells her mother that she blames Melanie for her marriage ending. And she tells her mother that she was crazy to let Ron, the stepdad, go. Mom says that Ron wasn't such a great guy. He gambled their money away, hit on other moms, and was never around. Kim remembers it differently. Mom says Kim can't go down the same road, chasing a man who doesn't deserve to be chased. Mom defiantly says she did her best, and screw Kim and the used Trojans she rode in on. After all that, I think we deserve a commercial.
Kim at the hospital. She runs into Doc, who is putting up flyers for one of the charity events. It's awkward. She walks away after telling him she's going to visit Jimmy in physical therapy. When she walks in, Brooke is helping Jimmy. They're lovey-dovey and kissing. Brooke notices Kim. Kim backs away, saying she's sorry, and leaves. On her way out, Kim is confronted by the doctor who treated the baby earlier. He calls her "Ms. Chainsaw." Hee. The doctor threatens her with a medical review and walks away. Hot enough for you yet, Kim? Just wait. Brooke comes up behind Kim and spins her around. "You are bold as hell," Brooke begins, and starts in on Kim. She knows about the lurking and the phone calls. She's got caller ID. Kim, you are so unbelievably busted. Brooke says she knows that Jimmy and Kim had sex before he was shot. She says they'll deal with that, but Kim sticking her stupid grin in Brooke's face and acting nice must run in the family. Oh. Man. Brooke is my hero. Brooke finishes telling Kim off as Kim walks away, dazed and perpetually confused.
Kim goes to the baby room. I'm waiting for the baby to start yelling at her, too. Doc and Kim watch the baby. Kim says the baby might be developmentally disabled. "I keep screwing up," she says. Doc says that sometimes things are supposed to be the way they are. Profound, Doc, just brilliant. Kim says she's glad she didn't give up on the baby. Doc offers further wisdom: sometimes it's best to give up and let go.
Kim goes back to Melanie's diner. She asks Melanie out to dinner. Melanie might want to spit in Kim's face right now, but instead she agrees.
on the road to supposed redemption, Kim shows up at Jimmy and Brooke's place. "You can't keep popping in like this," Jimmy says. Joey pops out too and says that Jimmy bought Star Wars, the anniversary edition. Good, because it's better by far than Phantom Menace. Brooke pops her head out too, and if I were Brooke, I'd be carrying the family shotgun. Before Brooke can give Jimmy permission to go talk to Kim alone, Kim says she wants to talk to both of them. She apologizes, saying that things never worked well between her and Jimmy. But they got a great kid out of it. A Kid Pyro, in fact. Kim realizes that what Joey needs is a family, just not necessarily just her and Jimmy. She proffers the list of rules and medications that Brooke had asked for. Then she walks away.
thing: Kim brings Melanie to the station. Bobby is thrilled to see her and says, "You look good!" They set up an extra plate for Melanie. Kim introduces everybody as her family. Instead of offering up a cheesy voice-over to wrap things up like the last few weeks, the episode just ends.
Can we focus on a more unlikable character in the future, maybe? Man, alive! Kim, we're trying to like you. We really are.
Well, week, we'll get a full hour of Ty, so be prepared. It's the rookie hour, and he's about to find out some unpleasant truths about his daddy. See you then.