By Omar G
Previously on Third Watch: Bosco told Faith that relationships are built on trust and faith. That's a little like Ed McMahon telling you that money isn't everything and that you should really cut down on the drinking. Faith, who was pregnant, thought her husband Fred was drinking again. Partly because she thought her marriage was falling apart, she decided to get an abortion. When she was badly hit while chasing a suspect, she lied to Fred and said she had a miscarriage.
Present day: Faith Yokas, in a boxing hall, punching the crap out of a heavy bag. A woman behind her asks if she competes. "Only against myself," Faith answers. Faith is the Sarah Connor of Third Watch.
On the street, Yokas is driving the police car with Bosco in tow. She asks if she should turn on the siren. He says she shouldn't. Yokas says she's going to be late. She turns on the siren. Bosco shuts it off, and it dies with a gurgle. "Dammit, Bosco!" Yokas yells, and turns it on again. He turns it off. The third time is the charm: The siren stays on and Yokas navigates through traffic.
At a school, a group of girls is receiving awards as they stand in light blue leotards. Fred -- looking, as I will always mention in every recap, like a beefy, yet rotund version of comedian/actor Larry Miller -- walks in with his son. They wave at daughter Emily. She waves back, and looks to the door to see if Faith is arriving. She isn't.
Squad car: Bosco says he doesn't know why she tells Emily she'll make it to these things while she's working. The siren is blaring. Bosco is eating a hoagie. Bosco has not yet realized that he is evil incarnate, so the world still exists in a relatively peaceful state. They screech to a halt, parking illegally in front of a building. Faith runs in to an empty gym. "It's over," Bosco says. "Fred!" Yokas yells. She realizes it's at the community center instead and her "Blame Fred" instinct takes over. They run out.
At the real award ceremony, Fred is congratulating Emily. Faith runs in and comes up behind Emily, who is giving her the cold shoulder. Faith immediately blames Fred for not telling her the event was at the community center. Faith fawns over the trophy. Emily says everybody got one, so it's not a big deal. She puts it away, not ever looking at Faith. Faith apologizes. Emily says it's okay. Yokas hisses at Fred about how could he forget to tell her. He says he did, but she wasn't listening. I'm going to go out on a limb and side with Fred on this one. Just then, Yokas and Bosco get a call on their radio. Time to go. Faith kisses her kids and starts to leave. Fred says he told her where it was. "No. You didn't," she says. Fred, shamed, looks to the floor for support. A janitor walks by and gives silent sympathy. Emily looks heartbroken.
At the station, Faith apologizes for not giving everybody the heads-up sooner. Like when? She has no reason to apologize.
In the locker room, Bosco finds, of all things, a bouquet of flowers pinned to his locker. Ty asks if the flowers are for him. Bosco says that unlike Ty, who chases women, Bosco is chased by them. With knives and guns and molotov cocktails, we know. The card has no signature. While Bosco tries to figure out who left the flowers, Yokas looks in her locker and finds a Post-It note with "Community Center" and a time written on it. I think Fred deserves an apology. And a drink. Bosco puts his head in the flowers and inhales deeply. "Alexis," he says finally. He offers Sully and Ty a whiff. Ty snorts, "No thanks, Bosco, I already know what your girlfriends smell like." Oh! Ty needs to go on Def Jam Comedy or write a book or something. He is a one-man insult machine. The desk sergeant comes in and asks if anybody is interested in taking a double shift. Faith says she would: she wants another chance to go after a child molester. It's a "weenie wagger," as Bosco calls him, who showed himself off to some third-graders.
In the car, Faith is riding as Bosco drives. She's frustrated that they keep hearing the same description of the suspect. Well, maybe if you didn't pull a double shift...Bosco says that Faith should drive so that he can run after the guy if they find him. Faith is indignant. She says that, in fifth grade, she ran faster than any other boy. Um, Faith. It's not fifth grade, and you've had a couple of kids. You're not Jackie Joyner-Kersee anymore. You're not even Jackie Mason.
Faith and Bosco join Ty at a storefront, where a pissed-off store owner comes out holding a shotgun. He ran off the escapee, who ran down toward the river, the store owner tells Ty. The man, a latter-day Fred Sanford, identifies the man from a flyer and says, "That's the foo'." Then he blames the cops for taking taxpayer money and letting criminals escape. Faith and Bosco go back on patrol. Faith is convinced the escapee will return to where he was busted. Smart. Or not.
Sittin' around in the squad car. Bosco has just finished off a bag of Peanut M&Ms. Hmmm. Being that Bosco often reminds me of Eminem, is that a kind of cosmic shout-out? Could be. He complains that they're just sitting there waiting. They're waiting in front of a back alley "XXX" establishment. Faith says it's sad when she sees some guy walking out of a peep show at 5 AM. Like it's less sad to see them walk out at 2 in the afternoon? Faith complains that Bosco keeps scratching his face. Only she sounds like George Costanza's mother when she says it. "It itches!" Bosco cries. As Faith looks at a photo of her family, Bosco starts trying to egg Faith into a foot race. "I'm sure you're a gazelle," Faith says. Bosco continues to challenge. Faith finally accepts. "Let's go, Bruce Jenner," she says in her gravelly New Yawk accent. They go.
thing, we're seeing them round around the corner and...oh no. Bosco won. Faith stops, pushing Bosco on the shoulder. She laughs. "I kicked your ass!" Bosco yells. Faith giggles some more. She's obviously having a great time. "You won," Faith says, panting. She stares at a building across the street.
Faith comes home. The kids are awake, watching TV. Fred walks in with his Airborne Express uniform, getting ready to go to work. "Every third Saturday," he reminds Faith. Out of the blue, she asks where his AA meetings are these days. He tells her. "That's all boarded up," she counters, remembering the building from after her foot race. Uh oh. "I'm not drinkin', Faith," he says. She asks if he's been going. Big argument. "What else are you lying about?" she asks. Fred says they'll talk later. "Where's your friend?" she asks. "Who?" "Johnnie Walker." Faith says she'll find the bottle. Fred says there is no bottle. He leaves for work. She's not convinced. She comes back in and tells the kids to go to their rooms. Then she starts taking the house apart looking for the liquor. It's faith and trust, right? After getting yelled at, Emily and Charlie go to their room. Emily turns around and watches sadly from the doorway as her mom takes apart the living room.
It occurs to me during the commercial that Bosco is the kind of guy who would post his picture to AmIHotOrNot.com.
Back at the station, Faith gets handed a batch of flyers of the weenie wagger. As they're being briefed, Bosco gets asked if he wants to go home. He lifts his head, showing some nasty rash and scratch all over his formerly clear face. The ugly has transferred itself from his soul to his face. Faith, who doesn't laugh like everybody else does, asks Bosco what happened to his face. Ty says that the flowers from yesterday were poison ivy. Sully asks whether Bosco will guide his sleigh tonight. Hee. Bosco says it's "chick revenge," probably from Nicole. The recapper or the former guest star? My guess is probably both. Bosco says that women love him, even though Faith reminds him of past bad treatments of women. It is revealed that Bosco dated a flight attendant named "Funda." Good to know.
In the car, Faith still wants to stalk the escapee's old stomping grounds. "You look terrible," Bosco tells Faith, showing an example of the scab calling the wound "scarred." Bosco asks about Fred falling off the wagon. Faith says it's only a matter of time before Fred screws up. As they're driving along, Yokas spots an escapee walking into a convenience store. Because police work is easy like that.
As dramatic music plays, Bosco and Yokas walk in the store with their guns drawn. Faith rounds the corner, using an overhead mirror to help her. She gets to the escapee and tells him to drop the milk he's drinking from a small carton and put his hand over his head. Hey! It's that guy! From Silence of the Lambs! The entomologist. He demands that they ask him nicely. Bosco yells. Faith yells. The guy says again for them to ask him nicely to get on the ground. Faith throws him against the refrigerator. "It was only milk!" he yells. "Sir! Will you please put your hands behind your back, sir?" Bosco asks. The man asks Bosco what happened to his face. Bosco's indignity is funny.
Outside, Yokas figures out that the guy isn't an escapee. He's a mental case who switched clothes with an escapee. The guy asks Bosco whether what's on his face is herpes. Oh, this just gets better and better. Sully and Ty are even there to laugh at that bit.
Squad car. Yokas wants to go by the water where the mental patient said he made the clothes trade. Bosco asks why she's taking it so personally. Because it's a cop drama, Bosco, that's why. Just as Bosco is blaming her marital problems for the tension, they spot some trouble.
They stop in front a building where some guy is kicking somebody on the ground. Faith comes out running and chases the guy into a building while Bosco calls for backup. Building chase. Hallway. Stairs. Elevator. More stairs. Yelling. Yokas ignores Bosco telling her to come down the stairs so they can seal the building. Bosco spots the escapee, who's wearing a do-rag on his head, and chases after him out of the building. Bosco grabs him right outside, but not before knocking someone and their boxes over. Faith catches up as Bosco is arresting the guy. Beaten again.
Home. Fred's on the couch watching TV. Faith asks whether the kids are okay. He says she scared the kids when she trashed the place. Faith brings up the bottle again. Fred says he hasn't drunk since the DUI. Oh, well, okay then, and...wha!?! Faith asks about the playoffs. He said he only had a sip. Faith, frustrated, pulls a bottle of liquor out of a brown paper sack. Oh, man. This is bad. She tells Fred to take a drink so she can throw him out for good. "Wait," he thinks, "this is a trick proposition, right?" Aloud, he asks, "Is that what this is about, getting rid of me?" Fred yells that he's not Faith's drunken, stinking, poker-losin' father, and for a minute he sounds like he's in a Spike Lee movie. We see Emily lying awake in bed as Yokas yells at Fred because he's been lying about AA and who knows what else. She further yells that she does everything. Fred says that's because she enjoys being in charge. Fred brings up the night she miscarried and how she didn't even call. He sounds genuinely hurt. She says he would have started drinking. "All right," Faith says, "There's nothing I can say to make you start drinking again, right? I didn't have a miscarriage that night. I had an abortion." Oh. My. God. Fred is stunned, as I am. He says, "You lied to me?" "Need a drink, Fred?" she asks. Oh, this is so. So. Bad. Yokas keeps egging him on to take a drink. Emily is now standing in the doorway. Fred sits down heavily and says finally, "Get out. Go." Faith is caught off-guard. She says she's not going anywhere and tells Fred to go. "Please, Daddy, don't go!" Emily cries. Fred goes to Emily and hugs her, while Faith watches, defeated.
Commercial break because I need to pick up my jaw from the floor.
Gym. Faith is punching the bag. The woman from before asks if Faith wants to spar. Yokas is in the ring with her and throwing some good punches. It looks like Faith is going a little too rough. "You ready?" the woman asks. Faith swings. The woman dodges and punches Yokas in the gut. Yokas falls down and gasps. "Thanks for the workout," the woman says, and walks off. Okay, now she's the Linda Hamilton of Third Watch.
Outside. Bosco is scratching and slapping his deteriorating face. Yokas is rubbing on lip balm. Bosco says that he doesn't think the flowers were from Nicole. She's in Europe. Yay, Nicole! He thinks it might be Sheba, "a Persian chick." He says he accused her of giving him chlamydia, but it turns out Bosco gave it to her. Bosco. You are all man. He says this just as Faith is sharing her lip balm with him. Nice. Faith wants to go talk to the escapee's mother. Bosco says it's out of their jurisdiction. Faith says they should go. Bosco says no. Faith tells Bosco to get in the car. He says no again. Bosco finally gets in the car.
In the car, Bosco's face looks as if he hid under some cat litter for two weeks in a place where multiple cats live. He asks if she's always been a control freak. Yokas makes a vague comment about women being considered bitches if they're not subservient. "I never called you a bitch," Bosco says. He says Fred's a perfect match because he takes her crap. She says Fred tried to kick her out. "Go Fred!" Bosco says, clearly impressed. He asks why. Faith reveals that it's because she had an abortion without telling Fred. "What abortion?" Bosco asks. Faith tells him. Bosco stops the car. "You lied to me?" Bosco asks. That should have been the title of this episode. He can't believe it. He looks genuinely hurt. Faith says that, yeah, she lied. Bosco repeats it. "You looked me in the eye and you lied to me." Faith turns away. She's got tears coming. "Bosco?" she asks. No answer. "Bos?" Still, no answer.
At the station, Bosco gets out of the car and walks off without saying a word. As Yokas gets out, Fred comes up to her. He's carrying a bag. She asks where the kids are. They're with Fred's mom. "I want a separation," he says. When did Fred grow a pair? Yokas is shocked. She asks whether he wants to talk. He says that all she does is decide what's best for her, and then does it. Faith apologizes. Fred says that he brought her some stuff, and the car. "I'm not leaving my kids," she says. "Our kids," Fred says. Fred says that he doesn't like her being the boss and him being the screwup. Fred is rapidly becoming my hero. Yokas says that she didn't trust Fred and couldn't have told him about the abortion. "It had nothing to do with you, right?" he asks, and walks away. Faith is stunned. And speechless. At the same time. Sully comes up behind her and asks whether she's okay. She says she's fine.
thing, Mia Farrow is opening up a door and squealing in delight at seeing Faith there. From opening the door eighteen inches, thirty-one adopted children fall onto the front steps. Yokas ignores them. Woody Allen drives by with binoculars and a little black book. Mia leads Faith into the house where her father Jack is watching TV and drinking. He is huge. He is Big Dad Jack. Hey Mia, if any of your adopted children turn up missing, I think I know who might have eaten them. Of all things, a small monkey is poking out of a cage reaching for Big Dad Jack's drink. How. Weird. Big Dad Jack pours some of his drink in a little cup and gives it to the monkey. What's with the cruelty? Big Dad Jack spars a bit with Faith, and it's just scary.
In the kitchen, Mia is making 317 sandwiches for all the children. She opens one of the cupboards and fifteen Vietnamese adoptees fall out. Faith says that she's not hungry. All the adoptees give her a dirty look. Faith asks what she was like as a kid. Mia says she doesn't remember. Yokas says she'd like to spend the night. Fifty-one children who were going to be sharing that bed start crying.
Outside, Yokas's Big Dad Jack wants to show her the swing he painted. He stumbles down some steps, all drunk. Eighty-three adoptees are trimming the hedges and building a gazebo in the dark. He asks what the fight with Fred was about. "Was it Soon-Yi?" he asks. Faith says that it's because Fred stopped going to AA. Faith talks about how hard it is for kids whose parents are alcoholics. Big Dad Jack suddenly yells, "Is this what you came out here for?" Faith says she's talking about her own kids. "I...Don't...Need this!" he yells, and walks off. Even the Closed Captioning looks peeved. On the way back, Jack stumbles and falls, landing on and killing thirty-one children. Mia comes outside and starts filling out forms to get some replacements. Yokas looks sad. Yeah, I'm sad Mia Farrow is in this, too, Faith.
After a commercial, we come back to the home that dysfunctional alcoholism built. Mia Farrow is up early as Faith arrives from work. Mia's in a ratty robe, rooting around in the kitchen for 325 juice boxes to give to all the kids in the house. Faith is wearing a leather jacket and looking all tough. Mia asks her if the reason she came was to upset her father. "Because if you, if that, if you, that's why, if you," Mia stutters, since she was probably told twenty years ago that it constitutes an acting style, "they we, you know, I, we, you, they, it, um, if you came here for that, well, you know, we, you know, we just don't want you around." You tell her! Then she accuses Faith of being holier-than-thou and her entire generation of wallowing in misery. "Just get over it," Mia whines. "Get over the bad. Get on with the good." Which, incidentally, is the name of her Woody-slamming memoir. Faith counters with, "Maybe that's why you all are drunks." It is at this moment that any member of my family would have gone to get the belt. "You shouldn't judge people," Mia says. "He, I, he, we, may not be perfect." Then she says that she only drinks ginger ale. "You know nothing," she concludes. Mia has lain the passive-aggressive smackdown. Faith, shattered, finally asks what's wrong with herself. Mia suggests that she needs to stop blaming other people. They're sitting in the kitchen having a moment. Faith says that she feels that if she doesn't hold everything together, it will all fall apart. "Maybe it's meant to fall apart," Mia says. Then she pulls out a copy of her book, Things Fall Away.
At the house of Larry Miller look-alikes, Faith arrives carrying her bags while Fred is sitting reading the paper. She offers to take the kids to school. Fred is sullen. He asks where she slept. She tells him. "You're not anything like my father," Yokas suddenly says. Faith goes into Emily's room. "What are you doing here?" Emily asks. Faith says that she was checking to see whether they're okay. "We're fine," Emily says. On the way to school, Fred is being great with the kids, giving them hugs and kisses. Faith tells the kids to move along so that she may talk to Fred. She admits that she was wrong. Fred says that this is not a small deal and that she should check out Al-Anon. She resists. Fred tells her that she should go and gets angry. He takes off.
At the station. They're being briefed. The Nell-Carteresque desk sergeant tells Bosco to take his hat off. Oh my goodness. His face is bloated and red and nasty. He looks like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly. Everybody groans when they see what has become of his pretty face. "That time of the month?" Sully asks. Bosco is told that he won't be working today. Yokas tells Sully they should take him to the hospital for a shot, and that if they don't take him, he won't go. In the car, Brundle-Bosco is trying to figure out who mangled his face. He is disgusting and putrid. Yokas makes a comment and Bosco says that he's not talking to Yokas. Sully asks what's wrong and neither will tell him. Bosco resists the hospital: he wants to confront whoever sent him the flowers with his ugly face. Isn't that just giving the girl what she wants?
Hospital room. The doctor examining the Phantom of the NYPD asks how the hell Bosco let it go for so long. Well, you see, Bosco is a deep man who doesn't care about looks. Close-up on Bosco. He is hideous. Look away. Look away. He says he doesn't want a shot. Yokas gets fed up, says, "Do what you want," and walks out of the exam room. "Hey, where are you going?" Bosco asks. He looks sad. And ugly. The doctor tells him to drop trou. He says, "No way." Then he does. Ha ha.
In the car, Sully says that Yokas should adopt Bosco and deduct him on her taxes. Yokas wants to go back by the river where the weenie wagger used to hang out. Sully is as resistant as Bosco. "So, what -- you wanna get a slice or something?" Yokas asks. Ouch. Sully calls her on her attitude and stops the car. Yokas says she doesn't want to talk about it and she doesn't know Sully. She throws a fit and gets out of the car. Sully goes after her. Yokas yells about how everybody lets stuff go and she'd the only person who cares and works hard. "No! I arrest him! I see something wrong, I try to fix it!" She's having a breakdown and Molly Price does some fine acting here. Sully is sympathetic. He says she's a good cop. Yokas starts crying, saying that she's always trying to do the right thing and it all just goes to crap. Cars pass as they share this emotional moment. Sully finally says, "Sometimes the thing that makes you a good cop messes you up as a person." Now I'm sad, too.
My cousin, who drives a truck, calls me right after this scene. "Hey, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. She says I turn up the radio too loud when we're driving." I think about it for a second. "You know, sometimes the thing that makes you a good truck driver messes you up as a person." He thinks about it for a minute, then says, "You know what? That's brilliant. Thanks. I gotta go patch things up!" Thanks, Third Watch. You just saved a relationship.
On the street, Yokas is walking along. She shows up at a building and passes by a room with a flyer on the door that says "Al-Anon Meeting." Because they're anonymous and don't want people to just walk by and see a sign. Right. Yokas looks through the window at people inside. Sad music swells.
Fred's bachelor pad. Yokas shows up. "I went to an Al-Anon meeting," she tells him. "Good for you," he replies morosely. Yokas, emotional, says that she didn't trust Fred and has trouble trusting anyone but herself. Fred looks at her blankly as she stands in the doorway. She says she doesn't trust herself anymore. "I need you," she says, her voice full of hurt. They hug. She cries. I cry. My cousin calls back:
Omar's Cousin: Hey, the advice you gave me was great and I...hey, what's wrong with you?
Omar: Faith just got back together with Fred after she lied about the abortion and went to an Al-Anon meeting.
Omar's Cousin: Oh. Yeah. Okay. I gotta go. Talk to you later.
Faith kisses Fred on the cheek. She asks whether he remembers when they first got married. Her voice is shaking. "I thought you were saving me," she says. "I liked being that guy that was saving you," Fred tells her. "You are that guy," she whispers. As they hug and cry, Emily emerges from her room. She stands watching as Faith sobs and Fred holds her, telling Yokas he loves her. A look of concern turns to a small, faint smile on the little girl's face.
Oh, man. Kleenex, please. What a fantastic bit of acting. Molly, if you're reading this, kudos. Damn. I've got tears here.
week: Jimmy's big wedding. Something tells me it's not going to be a smooth ceremony.