In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close. Light-hearted fun abounds this week. Taylor Townsend uses Ryan's post-Volchok-arrest insomnia to her seduction advantage. This doesn't work, so she gets some advice from Kaitlin, who's having seduction issues of her own after losing her hot tennis pro to her mother, who's also sleeping with everyone else. This makes Kaitlin angry, so she throws tennis balls at Julie and then arranges for her tennis pro lover to show up at an event that Julie's bringing J.R. Ewing wannabe Gordon Bullet to in the hopes of persuading him to invest in crappy New Match. It turns out that Gordon Bullet is the hot tennis pro's father, and everyone is embarrassed but it all works out in the end. Julie swears off men once again and New Match has an investor. Taylor Townsend uses the event to show off her goods and manages to get Ryan's attention, although she later overhears him saying that he won't date her, and is devastated. She's about to give up on Ryan until Seth convinces her to give it one more try, and this time she gets a kiss and Ryan gets some sleep. Over at Brown, Summer's mission to free caged bunnies hits a snag when Bright turns her into the deans and frames her for a bunch of other things, because there's no room for honor when you're full of crap. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
It's 2:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? Sandy and Kirsten's are sitting around watching a Bollywood movie. Ryan, because he can't sleep. Seth, because he woke up from a nightmare about Summer marrying Ralph Nader (which seems like more of a nightmare for Summer than anyone else). He refuses to call her until one week of official break time has elapsed, though. Ryan refuses to see anyone about his recent insomnia problems, so Seth stations himself on the couch and says he'll just watch Bollywood with Ryan. "If you're awake, I'm awake," he says. We cut to Seth passed out to Ryan, and then a montage of Ryan awake on the couch while Seth sleeps in all sorts of interesting positions beside him. At one point, his head is resting on Ryan's shoulder, which I have a hard time believing Ryan accepted for more than .3 seconds. Finally, the sun rises and Ryan turns the TV off and tosses a blanket on Seth's sleeping form. Kirsten eventually comes downstairs and wakes Seth up.
Mother and son head for the kitchen, where Kirsten nags Seth to think of a good slogan for her crappy dating service. I've got one! New Match: What Do We Do, Again? And Why? Sandy walks in, fresh from a morning of surfing and donation-hustling. Seth goes to answer the doorbell while Kirsten bugs Sandy to think of her new slogan. Taylor Townsend enters the kitchen and supplies one for her: "Love is a smoke made with the fumes of sighs; being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes." Kirsten calls the contribution "beautiful," which might be so, but I think it's a little too long to work as their slogan. Taylor Townsend credits Shakespeare and hands Kirsten a file Julie left in her car/excuse for Taylor to see Ryan. Speaking of Ryan, Seth volunteers to bring him some coffee, a job that Taylor accepts eagerly. She fixes herself up just before going outside, and this does not escape the Cohens' attention.
Taylor Townsend finds Ryan getting out of the bathroom, post-shower. He's got his jeans on and belted, but is sans shirt, much to the delight of Taylor and most of the viewing audience. She hands Ryan the coffee, but he says he's off coffee for the time being, and now Taylor has to think of something to say to him so she can stay in his wonderful, shirtless presence for as long as possible. She stammers out a thank you for helping her get divorced and says that she owes him big time and will do anything he wants to make up for it. She somehow manages to keep her eyes on his eyes and not his pecs the whole time, which is admirable. Ryan says if she hands him a T-shirt, they can call it even. Taylor laughs way too much and says that a shirt isn't enough to pay Ryan back.
Meanwhile, in the Cohen house, Sandy and Kirsten are watching the Taylor-Ryan action unfold from the kitchen window. They quickly jump away and try to look like they weren't just spying on her when Taylor returns to the house, giggling and talking about how funny Ryan is. "She said Ryan was funny," Sandy says, raising his massive eyebrows and snickering.
A barking dog awakens Julie from her slumber, which she is sharing with a hunky young man who looks a lot like Ryan. So much so, that I thought it was him when I saw a brief clip of this scene in the promos and got my hopes up. But it is not to be; this is just some German guy. Julie orders him out of her house before her daughter wakes up and sees him.
Of course, on this show, teenagers wake up ridiculously early in a state of total alertness, so Kaitlin's in the kitchen eating breakfast when the Good German tries to sneak by. She gives the Third Reich the Third Degree, and he says he's Julie's personal trainer, and they were just doing an "early morning workout." Kaitlin tells "Hans" that she doesn't care what her mother does and who she does it with, as it just means she'll have less time to spend supervising her only daughter. Oh, please. Like Julie would spend any extra time being a mother. Hans leaves and Julie enters the kitchen, trying to look like she didn't just spend the night with a hot young guy. She asks Kaitlin if she's seen her personal trainer, who was supposed to come over this morning even though Julie isn't wearing anything resembling workout clothes. Kaitlin snots a reply and Julie smiles, believing she's gotten away with it.
Taylor Townsend stops by Seth's comic book store to tell him some "huge news" and ask him for a favor. He already knows what's coming: she's going to announce her crush on Ryan and ask him to help her hook up with him. "You said he was funny; that's kind of a giveaway," Seth says. Taylor says that she never thought she and Ryan had anything in common, but then after he kissed her, she realized they were perfect for each other. "Ah," Seth says. Taylor interprets this to mean that Seth thinks she's pathetic for always falling in love with men after they show her even the smallest form of kindness. Seth doesn't deny this, as it was what he was really thinking. But she doesn't really care; love has come into her life again and she is not about to let it go just because of her psychological hang-ups. Seth doesn't want to deal with this anymore and asks Taylor what she wants from him so she'll leave him alone. She wants him to find out if Ryan's ready to date again.
Seth calls Ryan, who's working across the mall at El Pavo Guapo. His phone rings right as he's serving customers, and he walks a few steps away to answer it. Very unprofessional, Ryan. Fired! Seth gets right to the point and asks Ryan if he's ready to date again. Ryan says he has no idea. Seth hangs up on him and tells Taylor that Ryan said he wasn't sure and that Ryan hasn't slept at all this past week besides and really isn't the person Taylor should get involved with. "Interesting," Taylor says. Uh oh.
Things continue to happen at Brown, and so we must watch them. Bright and Summer, wearing ridiculous janitor costumes, walk into some Lab of Science. While Summer is admiring the caged bunnies and being yelled at by the resident scientist for interrupting his work, Bright sneaks a key off the wall.
Kaitlin is having a tennis lesson. She seems particularly uninterested with tennis, yet very interested in her tennis pro. She makes him uncomfortable by flirting with him and asking him out, and he keeps reminding her that he's ten years older than she is. Julie walks up and takes note of her daughter's pro's ass. "Easy girl," she tells herself, mirroring what Taylor said when she saw shirtless Ryan earlier. Except it's not so cute and innocent this time. Julie runs up and introduces herself to Spencer the Tennis Pro, much to Kaitlin's dismay. Julie says she was thinking about getting back into tennis.
Sandy stops by the new New Match offices to see Kirsten and give her an office-warming gift: a Wonder Woman paperweight, courtesy of Seth's employee discount. Well, they'll need to save all the money they can if Kirsten insists on running her dead-end business to the ground. Indeed, Kirsten says it looks like it's curtains for New Match, as an actually successful dating service owner who was going to sell them her client list got a better offer elsewhere. And we all know that New Match doesn't have any clients of its own, so they'll be sunk if they can't come up with enough money to counter-offer. Sandy says they need a silent partner, and he knows just the guy: he's playing golf with GORDON BULLET tomorrow. "The oil tycoon?" Kirsten asks. You're damn right, he's an oil tycoon! His name is GORDON BULLET. That makes him either an oil tycoon or a cop who doesn't play by the rules. Anyway, GORDON BULLET has just been released from jail after some tax evasion business and is giving money away. And he's going to give it to a crappy dating service? Lame, GORDON BULLET. J.R Ewing never did anything like this! Well, once I think he gave some girl money to start up a lingerie business, but that was just to get in her pants so it was okay. Kirsten isn't sure about this; she wanted to "do this" by herself, even though that's obviously not going to work. She gives Sandy her consent to approach GORDON BULLET.
Bright and Summer sneak back into the bunny lab. Summer wonders what nefarious experiments the lab is performing on the bunnies, but Bright says it doesn't matter; it's obviously something evil or else the bunnies wouldn't be in these cages. Hmm... yes, actually, I had some neighbors who owned bunnies and they just let them loose in their fenced-in backyard. Those bunnies lasted, like, a month before they were killed all off by various neighborhood predators. Sometimes cages are good for bunnies. "What's the plan again?" Summer asks, a question that both tells the audience what's going on and also makes Summer look like a total moron. Bright blabbers on about setting the bunnies free to roam the forest, which he will be leading them to with his flute. He says that studies show that music makes bunnies happy. I sure hope they did those studies on bunnies who weren't in cages or mistreated in any way, shape, or form! Summer introduces herself to a rather large bunny, giving him the name "Pancakes," which is, admittedly, an awesome name. It also made me crave pancakes for a week after this episode aired. Bright opens the door leading outside, setting off all these alarms. He tries to get the bunnies to follow him by playing his stupid flute. Why couldn't he just stick all the bunnies in a bag and go out the way they came in and release outside? I hate him. Summer grabs Pancakes to keep her for her very own. Keeping bunnies in cages is wrong, but keeping them in your filthy student dorm room is totally fine.
It's late at night, judging by the "Ryan Can't Sleep" theme song that's being played. His phone rings; it's Taylor, who says she knows Ryan's having sleep problems. She thinks she can help him, based on a junior year science project she did about sleep disorders. I guess she didn't do very well, judging by the fact that she's wide awake at three in the morning and saying she never sleeps more than four hours a night. Then again, maybe she's one of those lucky people who only need four hours of sleep. That, or she only gets four hours of sleep and then loads up on speed to get her through the day. Either one would go far towards explaining why she is like she is. Ryan tries to get out of Taylor's plan to nurse him back to sleep, but is ultimately unsuccessful. Hey, guys? Why isn't Taylor in college?
Later on that morning, Ryan and Taylor meet at the diner for their first sleep therapy appointment. Taylor opens her big ol' Professional Notebook and gets started. Her first question is if Ryan's insomnia is related to Marissa. He says it isn't; this started after Thanksgiving. Hmm ... sounds like a case of Tryptophan Withdrawal Syndrome, the only treatment for which is leftover turkey sandwiches. And in that case, the cure is worse than the disease. Taylor Townsend thinks this is related to Volchok going to jail, saying that Ryan spent every single night after Marissa's death looking forward to going after Volchok the day. Now, there's nothing to look forward to. Ryan concedes that Taylor might have a point. She calls herself an "awesome sleep therapist." I think Ryan could use an actual therapist. Come on, Cohens. Ryan decides it's time to go, but thanks Taylor for the session, which was "good." Insert awkward parting handshake here. Ryan walks out, and Taylor celebrates her victory with a quiet cheer and some not-very-quiet clapping, which Ryan hears. He turns around in time to see Taylor trying to recompose herself. Then he leaves and Taylor does the hand-on-face eyeroll "I just acted like a total moron in front of my crush" thing that we've all done before.
Meanwhile, Julie is having a blast taking tennis lessons alongside her daughter, who looks like she wants to blast Julie. She complains that Julie is hogging her tennis lesson, but Julie's too into herself to care about her daughter. At one point, Kaitlin straight-up serves a tennis ball into the back of Julie's head, and Julie complains that this is the "third time" Kaitlin has "accidentally" done this. Ha! I think I like Kaitlin. Especially after she nails Julie in the head a fourth time. Later on, Spencer gives Julie a ridiculous massage that he claims will help her serve, and Kaitlin takes advantage of their inattention to her to toss Julie's racket over the fence.
Sandy and GORDON BULLET are also enjoying a day of sport. GORDON BULLET reports that he does not find Madeline Albright attractive, because he's supposed to be a chauvinist pig from Texas and that's what those people are like. Sandy thanks GORDON BULLET -- who insists that Sandy simply call him BULLET, since, if that was your last name, wouldn't you? -- for his donation to some stupid Outreach Program at the public defender's office. BULLET says that Sandy caught him at the right time -- he was working with some "Arab fellas" who tried to screw him over, so he sold the company out from under them and had to invest the money zzzzz -- oh, I'm sorry! All this business talk delivered in an annoying twangy accent has just put me to sleep. Maybe they should just install BULLET in Ryan's room at nights to cure his insomnia. BULLET hits a golf ball onto the green and celebrates by saying "shiiii-ite Muslim." I'm pretty sure that remark qualifies The O.C. for a jihad, so they might want to up security on the set. Anyway, Sandy subtlely talks up his wife's business to BULLET, inviting him to the Outreach Program benefit tomorrow night. He even sets BULLET up with a date -- Julie.
Ryan tries to get work done, but Seth keeps bothering him about Summer, who Seth can't call until 10:03 tomorrow, when his week of break is officially over. Taylor Townsend misses her cue to enter by a few seconds and asks Ryan for his keys so she can make his bedroom an environment conducive to sleep. Ryan takes off to grab Seth's taco order, leaving her with Seth, who does not approve of her actions or the fact that she used the information he gave her about Ryan's insomnia to get into Ryan's pants. Ryan comes back with the tacos, only to be sent back into the kitchen for pico de gallo so Seth and Taylor can continue their fight. Taylor says that she knows what's Seth's thinking: she isn't good enough for Ryan, and she's certainly no Marissa. Seth has no comment, because he thinks she's right.
And over at Brown, Summer returns to her room hoping for a message from Seth. Roommate Amber reports that there isn't one. Roommate Amber is also wearing red overalls over a long-sleeve black shirt and a crappy-looking huge star necklace that makes her look like a cross between Raggedy Ann and Anne Rice. Amber tries to give Summer some relationship advice. Amber also cheats on her boyfriend with a multiple guys she takes Polaroids of. She says that the dean's office called for Summer, telling her to report there tomorrow. They didn't say why, but Amber adds that some bunnies in a science lab were set free the other night -- bunnies that were only being studied for their socialization patterns and not being treated cruelly at all. Amber leaves the room at this point, but my relief at her departure is followed by disappointment since it lets Bright in. He says he's been called into the dean's office tomorrow as well, as "the chiseled features of freedom" aren't as hard to recognize as he first thought. Summer doesn't know what to do, but Bright assures his "caterpillar" they will be fine. He's gotten out of stuff like this before. "I'm with you 'til the end," he assures her, then leaves to go write a song. He sings a Native American chant of freedom on his way down the hall. Everyone in that dorm must hate him. I'm pretty sure I would've glued his locks by now.
Kaitlin and the Ward Twins, clad in bathing suits, walk to the tennis courts. Kaitlin wants Spencer to see her in her bikini, which isn't all that wise -- I think she's too skinny to have an appealing figure. The Wards, however, have very appealing figures, with the uglier one making up for his looks with his abs. I have to go find out how old those guys are and make sure I'm not, like, a pedophile. A quick check on IMDb reveals that the cute one is of age, but the uglier one is not. Also, the uglier one is much better looking without that silly clown hair. Not that it matters now that I know he's only sixteen. Anyway, they all see Julie and Spencer making out on the tennis court just as Kaitlin's claiming to have "real feelings" for him. "Looks like your mom has some feelings, too. For that guy's butt," Cute Ward says. Clown Ward objects to Cute Ward talking about another man's butt. "You're so gay sometimes," he says, and they start slapping each other. Kaitlin does a Sad Walk away from the scene.
Ryan comes home to find his bedroom filled with lit candles. Yeah, nothing sets the mood for relaxation and sleep better than a bunch of open flames. Taylor Townsend is there, too. And she's wearing pajamas. "Oh my god," Ryan says as he realizes what he's gotten himself into. Taylor says that her research has (conveniently) shown that people sleep better when they're to another person. She assures Ryan that this will be completely non-sexual. Ryan asks her if her feelings for him are non-sexual as well. She lies that they are. Ryan believes her. "Shall we start with a massage?" Taylor asks, and Ryan looks like a deer in headlights. The headlights of LOVE, that is. Or maybe it's just insane obsession. Or both.
The morning, Seth walks into the Poolhouse to find Taylor in her pajamas. He is not pleased by this turn of events. Ryan comes home from a jog and assures Seth that this isn't what it looks like. Taylor agrees, although she does say that she and Ryan slept in the same bed. Ryan says Taylor slept in the bed -- he sat in an armchair, reading. Seth gives up and leaves. Taylor asks Ryan what went wrong last night and promises that things will be better tonight, at which point Ryan tells her that he appreciates her help, but he needs to go through this on his own. Taylor is too disappointed to give him another hard sell and gives up.
Julie's on the phone with Kirsten, objecting to being fixed up with BULLET, until she finds out how rich he is. Kaitlin strolls in as Julie's hanging up the phone and asks her about her evening plans. Julie says she'll be attending some "Delinquent Benefit" with a guy who owns Texas, and Kaitlin asks if she can go too. Julie says she's sure she can, and is happy when Kaitlin says she'll be accompanied by a "friend" who can drive so Julie won't have to worry about her transportation to and from the event. Kaitlin makes her best "I am plotting something now" face.
Summer is called before the Deans, who apparently meet on weekends. Whatever. She immediately cops to freeing the bunnies, saying she thought they were being cruelly experimented on. She will not reveal who else was involved in the incident and denies any involvement in the other illegal acts of political activism on campus. The Head Dean threatens Summer with punishment if Summer doesn't reveal who did do those things, but Summer says that she loves Brown and the person she's become while attending it, and doesn't want to betray the New Summer by ratting out her friends, even if they are dirty hippies who play the didgeridoo because it makes them seem cool and different. The Head Dean asks one last question about the whereabouts of the last missing bunny. Summer immediately says she doesn't know anything about it and hopes they can't read her mind, where thoughts of the Adorable Pancakes, who now lives under her bed, abound.
Kaitlin visits Taylor's room to retrieve some lip gloss and finds her lying in bed, despondent. Kaitlin manages to think about someone other than herself for long enough to ask Taylor what's wrong, and Taylor says she likes a boy, but has exhausted her means of seducing him. Kaitlin suggests trying some actual, time-tested flirting methods, including: dressing up fabulously, maintaining body contact, and laughing at his jokes, even if they're lame. Taylor proudly reports that she already did the last one. Kaitlin tells Taylor to be sure to show off her ass to Ryan, as Taylor has a great one. Whoa, Kaitlin! Don't be too nice to Taylor or you're going to be fending off her insane advances for, like, three episodes.
The Delinquent Benefit attendees sprinkle Sandy's speech with polite applause. He steps down from the podium and checks with Kirsten on Julie and BULLET's progress. BULLET is currently telling Julie all about the time he went hunting and shot a deer "like Dick Cheney." By which I'm assuming he means that he accidentally shot the deer in the face and then tried to keep it a secret from the press. BULLET punctuates his story with a pinch to Julie's butt. Please tell me he isn't a recurring character.
Ryan's off by himself when he sees a Lady in Red coming his way. It's Taylor Townsend, who gets the slo-mo beauty shot. Ryan compliments her look and she invites him to dance. He tries to say he isn't into dancing, but Taylor is all smiley and not hyper-insane and pushy about it, so he agrees. She walks out to the dance floor, being sure to show off her great ass. Ryan takes notice.
Julie excuses herself from BULLET to tell Kirsten that BULLET loves New Match and wants to invest in it. I'm not surprised; BULLET doesn't seem like a guy with very good taste. Julie and Kirsten are very proud of their abilities to whore themselves out to potential investors until Kaitlin walks up with her date -- Spencer, who thought Julie requested his presence at the event. Kaitlin smiles, very pleased with her scheming little self. BULLET walks up and recognizes Spencer -- it's his son. This comes as a surprise to everyone. Kirsten hilariously mutters a horrified "oh, god" and turns away.
Seth's outside, trying not to call Summer. He says it's 10:03 on the East Coast, at least, which means that he was planning on calling her at 10:03 West Coast time, which is one in the morning on the East Coast, which is rude. Seth decides to wait until the real deadline, and Sandy asks him if he saw Taylor Townsend leaving the Poolhouse this morning. Seth tells him the whole sordid tale of Taylor's Newfound Love of Ryan, and is surprised when Sandy says he hopes Ryan and Taylor work out. He thinks the "human connection" would be good for Ryan, and points out Taylor and Ryan may seem like a mismatch, but so did Seth and Summer. Seth thinks about this, being sure to look very cute as he does so.
Seth goes back inside, where Ryan and Taylor are dancing and talking about the past. He denies being the president of the "We Hate Taylor" club, but does admit to being its secretary. Taylor congratulates him on making a real joke. The songs ends, leaving them looking around awkwardly until Ryan offers to get Taylor a drink. He meets Seth at the bar, and Seth tries to push Ryan towards considering dating Taylor. Ryan says no way, only to turn around and see Taylor standing there, looking heartbroken. She excuses herself. Ryan feels like an ass.
After the commercial, Ryan runs after Taylor. She says she gets the hint and knows that it was pretty crazy to think that they could be a couple in the first place. Ryan says it wasn't, although the plan to be his sleep therapist to seduce was kinda out there. Ryan tries to explain himself, but Taylor does it for him: for months, all he's wanted to do was get back at Volchok, and now that that's gone, he feels empty and can't feel anything for anyone, especially not a new girlfriend. Ryan is amazed at Taylor's mind-reading ability. For someone who seems to know a great deal about how people think and human nature in general, Taylor sure does suck at putting her theories into practice.
Julie hauls Kaitlin into the hall and asks her what she's trying to pull. Kaitlin says she thought Julie was swearing off men to focus on her business, and Julie says that her date with BULLET was business. Maybe this time, but that doesn't excuse all the other dates with all the other men. Kaitlin says she's angry that her mother hooked up with Spencer when Kaitlin obviously liked him. Julie says she had no idea that Kaitlin liked him; Kaitlin flirts with everyone, so she didn't think Spencer was special. Kaitlin snaps back that Julie flirts with everyone too, and she doesn't really need to see the parade of men coming out of her mother's bedroom every morning. Hmm, yes, that has got to be weird for her. 15-Love, Kaitlin! Your serve, Julie: "That... that is completely fair," she says, realizing for the umpteenth time this season that she's a flawed person and a crappy mother and vowing to be better until episode when she screws up again. Kaitlin just wants her mother to pick one guy, preferably one that Kaitlin doesn't already have a crush on. Both ladies comment on the crazy coincidence of Spencer being BULLET's son. Eh, you're stuck in a television show with only two restaurants. That kind of stuff is going to happen.
Bright returns from his meeting with the Deans. Summer is waiting for him. He asks her if he's accomplished anything at Brown, and Summer says he certainly has; all the political activism (by which she means "terrorism") on campus is because of him. He nods, and she frets that he's getting kicked out of school. Oh no, Bright says -- Summer is. You see, he figured that he was too important to the "movement" to get kicked out, so he told the board that Summer did all the things he actually did. He says "the movement" will never forget Summer's sacrifice, and she tells him to shut up. She does not kick him in the balls, as I would have. Although that probably would have been ineffective as he obviously doesn't have any. I'm just happy that my hatred of Bright is now completely justified.
Kaitlin takes a meeting with BULLET. He calls her "the little pot stirrer," and I don't think we need to reference that episode, do we? Let's just forget it, along with the rest of Season 3 except for Taylor Townsend's contributions and Marissa's death, ever happened. Kaitlin tells BULLET to invest in her mother's business. "Or what?" BULLET asks, looking ginormous to her. Kaitlin says that her mother is "awesome," ably running the Newport Group (although at this point, who HASN'T run the Newport Group?) and even managing to get her fiancé's house after their break-up. Kaitlin is sure that Julie will make BULLET a lot of money. He says he doesn't need the cash; he was just looking for some fun. Kaitlin says that New Match will be the best investment BULLET's ever made. I doubt that! New Match hasn't been any fun yet, and I don't see it starting anytime soon. BULLET responds with a few "ohs" and an obnoxious Texan giggle.
Sandy asks Kirsten for a progress report on BULLET, and Kirsten tells him about how Julie was dating BULLET's son. Kirsten's not too optimistic about their chances of getting his money now, but BULLET walks up and drags Kirsten away for a chat.
Julie finds Kaitlin ready to leave and tells her that she dumped Spencer and warned him not to touch her daughter, just like a real mom would! Kirsten walks up and says that BULLET wants to visit the New Match offices on Monday, crediting Kaitlin with changing his mind. "I got game," Kaitlin says. Julie and Kaitlin decide to go get some ice cream, since the guy who works there is really hot. And, hopefully, age-appropriate. Now, not for you, Julie. Your idea of age-appropriate is the same as a Monopoly game: ages 9-99.
Seth comes home at 10:02 and decides it's close enough to call Summer. But before he can do that, he's interrupted by Taylor, who's been sitting in his room in the dark waiting for his return, which is creepy. Cohens: learn how to lock your doors. It's not that hard, and the benefits of not being burglarized are endless. Taylor just stopped by with some herbal tea that's supposed to help insomnia. She was hoping Seth would pass it along to Ryan. She's too embarrassed about what happened to give it to him herself. She says Seth was right about what she decided he was thinking about her: she latched onto Ryan because he was nice to her when she was having a hard time and it's totally pathetic. Seth uses some reverse psychology that's so reverse, it's not even what he wanted to happen for most of the episode: he makes fun of Taylor for giving up on Ryan too soon. He calls her a quitter. She grabs the tea back and walks out determinedly. And just as Seth's about to call Summer, she calls him.
She's on her bed, stroking Pancakes. They both say they miss each other and wanted to call earlier but didn't for fear of seeming too needy. And not like Summer's needy, but she really needs Seth right now. He asks why, and she says she got a rabbit. Seth tries to guess its name: Cyclotron? Gorgon, the Destroyer of Carrots? Larry? And while I thought Pancakes was an awesome name, I must say that those three choices are equally, if not more, awesome. Well, except for Larry.
Taylor shows up at the Poolhouse with a hot cup of herbal tea. She tells him she isn't trying to be anything but a helpful friend in the offering. Ryan does some mind-reading of his own, saying that Taylor thinks she's a weirdo who has to trick people into liking her, but she's really "amazing." He wishes he felt something for her. You can't ask for a nicer rejection than that, but Taylor decides to push her luck and asks Ryan to kiss her. Maybe, she says, he will feel something this time. And if not, she promises she'll never mention it again. Ryan agrees that this is a good deal, and they kiss. Taylor pulls away, and Ryan doesn't have any reaction. She apologizes and leaves. Once she's out of earshot, Ryan steps back, sits down, and says "whoa." All right! Even though they're kind of a pathetic couple in that they're based solely upon the fact that the two single opening credits kids are supposed to be together, I like them.
Two and a half hours after their conversation started, Seth and Summer finally hang up on each other. Aww. Seth goes to the Poolhouse to check on Ryan and finds him sound asleep, with a full cup of herbal tea on his nightstand. I guess Taylor borrowed Julie's lip gloss this time -- you know, the one laced with roofies.