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Everybody's lonely this week. Ryan fills up the holes in his life with a job at a Mexican restaurant, and then by helping Taylor Townsend out of her marriage by very reluctantly posing as her new boyfriend. Taylor Townsend can't resist a man who's nice to her, and develops another insta-crush. Julie has sworn off of men and onto working hard with Kirsten, and sticks to her guns for all of one day before running off to a nightclub, getting drunk, and dancing with a guy. Kaitlin gets a fake ID and, of course, heads to the only club in town where she sees Julie and Julie sees her but they both decide not to talk to each other about it, which is probably for the best. Sandy realizes that all of his adult male friends have either skipped town or died, and tries to get close to a co-worker with a game of golf. Then he heads home to get close to Kirsten with a game of Strip Scrabble. Last, but not least, Seth goes to Brown to visit Summer, who's gone through the five stages of grief in one week and is ready to be her old self again. Except that she still kind of cares about the environment and stuff, so Seth has a hard time finding a place in her new life. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Summer is finally doing what she should have done five months ago: seeing someone about her best friend's death. Unfortunately, the person she's chosen to see is a disembodied voice, but it's progress. A lot of progress, in fact -- she zips through the five stages of grief as many days. Her intense sadness over Marissa's death in Stage Four (depression), a.k.a. Thursday, is supposed to be hilarious. Her reverting back to Stage Two (anger) on Friday, where she knocks the tissue box off the table and then apologizes for her "rage issues," is legitimately funny. By week's end, she has decided that Marissa would want her to move on, as Summer apparently knew a Marissa who didn't dwell on every single thing that happened to her and refuse to move on or grow up ever. That would be a much different Marissa from the one we knew, but there you go. Anyway, Summer is all better now and says she can go back to being herself and stop caring about the environment, which she thinks was just a crutch. I love how they made Summer get over Marissa in one week. Fuck you, Marissa!
Seth flies into Rhode Island to see Summer but hasn't made it out of the airport yet before he's called his crutch, Ryan, for a pep talk. Unfortunately for Ryan, it's 5:30 in the morning back in California. Then again, he's the teenager who never sleeps, so he's already awake. Seth says he's sure Summer called him into town to dump him, which would be rather cruel of her, but Ryan thinks Summer just needs to work out her issues and then she and Seth will be fine again. Suddenly, Seth sees the Summer he knew and loved coming towards him and hangs up on Ryan's ass. They make out and then Summer punches him, and Seth knows that his girlfriend is back. It wouldn't be a bad idea to keep going to that therapist to work on some anger management, there, Summer.
Back in California, Ryan is working out on the beach. He jogs with his arms all tensed up and robot-y looking. He runs into Sandy finishing up some early-morning surfing and they hang out in the back of Sandy's truck (which he's somehow allowed to park wherever he wants on the beach) and chat. Sandy invites him to breakfast, but Ryan says he can't make it. Sandy asks him how he's doing, and Ryan just says he's good and looking forward to his first day of work at "El Pavo Guapo." More like "El Pavo Nombre Estúpido." And yet, it's still more Spanish than anything back in "Mexico." Sandy says he's looking forward to getting some shrimp tacos, but Ryan says Kirsten already told him not to give Sandy more than two per week. Sandy mutters about divorce, then talks about things that Ryan obviously doesn't want to: how well he's doing and how good it is to see him being more like his old self. He tells Ryan to "hang in there." Sandy sounds more like an inspirational cat poster than a father right now.
At Brown, Seth and Summer have a post-coital chat. He says he thought she was going to dump him, so he's pleased at how things turned out. She says she owes him an apology for changing over the past few months, and assures him that she's back to her "artificially tan" self. Seth is glad that to have the old Summer who smells good back. Seriously, though, could she have really smelled that bad? Everyone makes cracks about how bad she smelled, but even if I stopped wearing deodorant and showering regularly, I doubt my odor would be so incredibly offensive. It wouldn't be great, but it wouldn't cause innocent bystanders to pass out, either. I'm worried Summer has a glandular problem. Seth hands Summer a present: a DVD of Season Three of The Valley. Summer is thrilled.
Sandy gets ready for work and complains to Kirsten that he was hoping to spend some man time with Ryan now that Seth's away, but Ryan's too busy with his new job. Kirsten offers to spend man time with Sandy, but that obviously won't work. Sorry, Kirsten -- guess you'll be spending another day with just yourself for company! That vodka bottle's starting to look more and more appetizing, isn't it, Kirsten? Sandy says that with Jimmy, Caleb, and Dr. Neil gone, he doesn't have any guy friends left. I wasn't aware that he was so tight with Caleb or Dr. Neil, but whatever. He doesn't even mention Forgettable Matt, which I find funny. Kirsten suggests giving co-worker Jason Spitz (nice continuity!) a call, but Sandy thinks it's "weird" for a guy to make plans with another guy like that. It's too much like trying to get a date. Men are so weird about that stuff.
Julie gets off the phone with Dr. Neil, who will not be seen in this or probably any future episodes. Kaitlin walks in to give Julie an excuse to tell her what she and Dr. Neil were talking about: he's letting Julie and Kaitlin live in his house for as long as they want. Shades of the Walshes leaving their house to Brandon right there. Kaitlin asks if "that short, sassy lady is still bossing [Dr. Neil] around." Ugh, it's like The O.C. wants us to change the channel at this point. If they keep doing the same meta jokes every week, they'll get their wish. Even more than they already have, which is a lot. And by " a lot," I mean, "A lot fewer people watch this show. A lot more people watch Grey's Anatomy, even though it totally blows." This show may have its faults, but at least it doesn't call its characters "McDreamy." Kaitlin snots that she's sure Julie will find "another old dude to pay for all your stuff and cheat on you." Instead of slapping Kaitlin across the face, Julie just feels regret that she hasn't been setting a very good example for her daughter. Little late for that now, Julie. She swears off of men. Kaitlin bets that her mother won't last a week. They make a deal: Julie will stay away from men if Kaitlin will stay out of trouble. They're sure to fail miserably, otherwise we wouldn't have a show.
Taylor Townsend strolls into the kitchen and exposits that she's now living with Julie and Kaitlin even though they obviously hate her. Kaitlin hands Taylor Townsend an envelope from mysterious French husband Henri-Michel, which just makes Julie all the more determined to stay away from "man drama." She does not, however, stay away from the six-pack Kaitlin tells her that Ernesto is showing off outside.
El Pavo Guapo appears to be located in the mall. Ryan busses some tables and spots Taylor Townsend walking towards him. She's surprised to see him there and informs him that El Pavo Guapo means "The Handsome Turkey" in English. That's gross. And wrong -- have you ever seen a live turkey? They are not handsome. They've got things dangling off their faces. They only taste good on Thanksgiving or when ground up and used as a substitute for hamburger meat. Taylor asks Ryan where Seth is, and he informs her that Seth is gone for the week. Taylor Townsend needs help right now, though, so Ryan will have to do. Ryan is not thrilled at the prospect of doing Taylor Townsend a favor, but she tells him her dilemma anyway: Henri-Michel is on his way to Newport to talk her out of the divorce and she needs a man to help her resist his "sensual powers." She starts to go into detail about them until Ryan tells her to be respectful of the people trying to eat. He finally agrees to help her out when she appeals to his need to be needed.
Every time we cut to Brown, they play a few seconds of classical music. What's that about? The Ivy League isn't all that highbrow. Bright walks into Summer's room, where she's busy taking her environmental activist crap wall decorations down and replacing them with shallow California crap. Summer says it's time Bright found out who she really is. They start in the closet, which is full of leather footwear. "Oh, my friend," Bright says, mourning over her calfskin boot. She shows him her usual reading material: various tabloids that keep her up to date on who might be pregnant. And she shows him a framed picture of her dead friend. Bright sympathizes that Marissa's death, unlike Marissa herself, must have been "really heavy" for Summer. Summer says it was, and she manufactured her activist persona to deal with it. But now she's back to her old self and doesn't care about the environment but hopes they can still be friends. Bright generously says he's happy for Summer for finding her place in the world.
Seth walks in and Summer introduces him to Bright, who embraces Seth's face and calls him Summer's "twin flame." "If I had known you were coming into town I would've made you a bracelet!" he tells Seth. I laugh at that line. Bright tells Summer not to worry about some upcoming solar power rally he's planning and to just spend time with her boyfriend. I like Bright, I think. Maybe it's because he doesn't have his head shoved so far up his ass about saving the world that he can accept other people having different lifestyles from his own.
Sandy meets Jason Spitz in the hall and awkwardly invites him out. Sandy doesn't even have a day lined up, which is poor planning on his part. You're supposed to say you have plans and were wondering if he might want to come along. Now it really looks like date. Spitz is weirded out and asks if he can "get back" to Sandy on that. Sandy shakes his head and feels like an idiot. Hee.
Seth and Summer watch Season 3 of The Valley, which sounds an awful lot like Season 3 of The O.C.. April's boyfriend is mad at her because she spent the night with Derek, who tore his ACL and can no longer kick-box, which was his life. Summer realizes that she no longer likes The Valley, calling it "disgusting" and saying "all they do is create fake problems for fake people just to distract viewers from the real problems in the world." Again, when it comes to meta, The O.C., you might want to stop short of calling out all of your own show's failings. It's not cute to make your remaining audience feel like losers for watching. Summer decides to get one of her magazines to catch up on "how much blow Lindsay Lohan's doing." That's a ballsy thing for this show to have one of its characters say. Lindsay Lohan could sue them if she wasn't too busy doing blow! Summer retreats to her bedroom and tries to care about celebrities, but is more interested in the solar power flier Bright left her.
Ryan and Taylor wait for Henri-Michel to arrive at the Yacht Club. Taylor asks Ryan how his cage-fighting hobby is going, and he tells her that if she asks him for another favor, he'll give her an up-close and personal look at it. Taylor congratulates Ryan on his spunkiness but says she can only think of her husband and the sex she had with him. Ryan's expression while she's going into that is priceless. He asks her why she wants to divorce Henri if the sex was so good and she can't resist him, which I would also like to know. Her storyline doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Wasn't she supposed to be going to college in France? How did she have time to meet some random guy and get married? Taylor says she isn't in love with Henri-Michel even if she is in lust with him. She asks Ryan a question about himself so she can stop thinking of Henri: what's Ryan's favorite fruit? "Peaches," Ryan answers. That's right it is! Peaches rock. This only makes Taylor think of Henri again, as he used to say her breasts were like peaches, which isn't really such a great compliment when you think about it. I wouldn't want to have fuzzy boobs. Ryan desperately looks for an escape route and sees a well-dressed French-looking guy entering the restaurant. But it's not Henri -- it's his lawyer.
Taylor and the lawyer speak French to each other, which is helpfully translated for the audience but not for Ryan. The lawyer tells Taylor that Henri-Michel will not agree to a divorce, and according to French law, divorce will not be granted without mutual consent unless one party has been unfaithful. I don't know very much about French divorce law, but what little I could find out says that you can't file for a mutual consent divorce until at least six months of marriage, and then you have to have all these hearings about it. In France, they try to prevent divorce whenever possible. Taylor says that for all Henri-Michel knows, she could have been unfaithful. The lawyer looks uncomfortable and says that Henri wanted Taylor to know that he "misses his peaches." Ew. Taylor says that she has a new lover who is incredible. She puts her hand on Ryan's arm. He looks confused. The lawyer just laughs and says that it's both impossible and ridiculous that Taylor is cheating on Henri with this guy. Then his phone rings with the French National Anthem, which, I mean, come on. It's not like we all have "The Star-Spangled Banner" for our ring tones. Personally, I have the theme of Dallas as my ringer. Although I believe that should be our national anthem (preferably the crazy disco version of the early '80s). While the lawyer talks on the phone, Taylor tells Ryan that she told him he was a soccer fan. Ryan protests that he doesn't like soccer, even though he used to play it himself.
Seth regrets getting his old Summer back, as she's forced him to go on a day of shopping with her. She threw a smoothie at some random woman for wearing fur during their big day out, which, if you're going to care that much, Summer, you might want to get rid of those leather boots you're so proud of, hmmm? And why are you drinking a smoothie in cold-ass Rhode Island anyway? You probably killed that woman from hypothermia! Maybe I'm just mad because I would have loved to see that scene. Summer says all she cares about is the new sweater she bought, and asks Seth for privacy while she tries it on, because, while she has no problem with him seeing her in various states of undress, wearing new clothes is an "intense process." Seth says he'll go check out the local ethnic foods so he'll know what to expect when he moves there in a few months.
As soon as Seth is gone, Summer calls Bright to ask him how the solar power rally went. The rally apparently took place in Newport, as Bright is wearing a t-shirt as he tells Summer the rally went really well. Summer invites him over to watch a movie with her and Seth, which should really make Seth secure and comfortable about their relationship, but he says he has to meet with the dean over more solar power crap.
Kirsten's need for companionship is so powerful that she has forgiven Julie and is spending the day with her. Julie tells her about her new man-less life, saying she hopes it will cause her to focus on things like her career -- provided that Kirsten will let her back into the company they pretend to run together. At least they're still acknowledging its existence, I guess. Kirsten says NewMatch is there for Julie whenever she wants, and it must be nice to have a job like that. Most jobs, you're supposed to be there for them whenever they want you. It's not like NewMatch has any customers to worry about, though.
Speaking of one of NewMatch's non-customers, Taryn walks up looking great. She attributes this to sex from her various hot young lovers. Meanwhile, Sandy calls Kirsten to tell her that Spitz said yes to his offer and they're going to play golf and watch "the game" on Saturday. Taryn tells Julie that young guys are uncomplicated and grateful for a woman "who knows what she's doing." Julie has experience with hot young guys, so she agrees. Taryn invites her out to meet some hot young guys of her own, but Julie has to turn her down because of her deal with Kaitlin.
Speaking of Kaitlin, she, too, is being tempted to stray. The Ward boys, wearing matching water polo tracksuits, say they found a guy who will give them fake IDs. Kaitlin shocks them by saying no, but they say that the guy is only in town for the week, after which he'll be going to prison "for fraud. Because he's awesome," Ward2 says. Awesome, and a slow learner. The Wards "dude, seriously" Kaitlin until she agrees to get the fake ID.
Taylor returns to El Pavo Guapo, where Ryan's endless shift is still going on. She asks Ryan for a tiny little favor: sign a document that Taylor claims is a something that will "attest to [her] character" for the divorce. It's all in French, and Ryan wisely holds off on signing it. Taylor makes sure that Ryan doesn't know how to speak French, and leaves the document with him.
Bright rubs down his didgeridoo, and I am reminded why I don't like him. Seth stops by, saying he's giving Summer some alone time. Bright says he thought Seth and Summer were having a great time together "purchasing luxury goods and eating things with faces." Well, I'm sure they didn't have faces when they were eating them. They usually cut those off. And they're DELICIOUS. Shut up, Bright. Seth says he supports whatever Summer's into, and then we hear her holding a rally in her bedroom door, much to Seth and Bright's surprise. So... does Bright live in Summer's dorm room?
Ryan's busy doing some French-English dictionarying when Seth calls to complain about how "old Summer" has turned into "real Summer," who looks a lot like "new Summer." Seth doesn't think he fits into Summer's new life. Of course, Summer walks in to hear Seth saying that and Seth quickly hangs up on Ryan, who had things he needed to discuss with Seth but gets the shaft.
Seth says he's glad that Summer is realizing who she is now, and Summer says she can care about environmental causes and still wash her hair and shave her legs and be a good girlfriend.
So Seth heads for Bright's room, where he finds Bright playing the guitar naked. Seth says he'll come back when Bright is more clothed, but Bright doesn't seem to understand when he makes people uncomfortable and tells Seth to stay, as he has "a gift" for him. It's a song:
My Song
Words and Music by Che Fauxvara
Polar bears are dying
Goodbye.
I guess it's a work in progress. Seth politely praises Bright's song and asks for his help. Bright jumps up and gives Seth a hug, much to Seth's discomfort. I hope Bright enjoys being like this in college, because in the real world, naked unwanted touching is called sexual assault.
Sandy tees off, but his drive is ruined by Spitz's cell phone ring. Shockingly, the ringer is just a plain old phone ring and not the national anthem of whatever country Spitz's ancestors are from. Sandy yells at Spitz, who says that his kid has a "rash" and he has to go to the pharmacy after their game. He tells Sandy to take his shot again, but Sandy refuses. Spitz steps up to hit his ball, then tells Sandy that his kid doesn't actually have a rash. Ominous music starts up, but quickly subsides as Spitz finishes that his wife was calling to see how Spitz's date with Sandy was going because Spitz doesn't have many guy friends. Hey, you think it's because he doesn't know when to turn his ringer off? But this is music to Sandy's ears, and the guys talk about how easy it was to make friends when they were kids and how hard it is now that they have work and social stigmas that make it weird to invite another guy out. Spitz takes his shot, which is interrupted by Sandy's cell phone.
Kirsten and Julie pretend to work by looking at office locations for their business. They both like an office on the beach, as this will give them somewhere to lay out in the sun during the many hours when they have no clients and nothing to do. Kirsten asks Julie if she any plans for the night, and Julie says that since Kaitlin is doing a science project with the Wards (topic: How Gullible Can One Mother Be?), she isn't doing anything. Kirsten invites her over for takeout and a movie. Julie says she loves the idea, then gets a call on her cell and doesn't anyone fucking turn those things off anymore? These people have no shame. Kirsten tells Julie to take the call, and she does. It's Taryn, calling to re-invite Julie out tonight, saying that Julie needs to have fun while she's still young and hot enough. Julie says she'll call Taryn back, and puts some lipstick on while admiring herself in the mirror before returning to the room and telling Kirsten that she suddenly isn't feeling well and is canceling their plans for the night. She'll be such a reliable business partner, Kirsten. This was a great idea you had. "Julie, did you just put on lipstick?" Kirsten asks, not even trying to believe her. Well, that's what you get for staying friends with the woman who sent your son off to kill someone.
Kaitlin buys the fake IDs from some skuzzy-looking guy, who then asks her out.
Cue the hot club jams! Lady Sovereign -- whose beats sound like they were lifted from the Casino World level of Sonic the Hedgehog, and whose insistence on wearing a single side ponytail and trying to rap despite having an English accent make me strongly dislike her -- pumps through the speakers. Julie is having second thoughts about meeting guys so soon after breaking up with Dr. Neil, but Taryn says there's one thing that is sure to change Julie's mind: tequila. After about four shots of it, which should pretty much knock someone Julie's size off her ass (although she's probably got quite a tolerance built up), she sees an attractive young man at the bar and they start to dance. Is this, like, a special club where young guys go to meet older women? When I see people Julie and Taryn's age at a club, I usually just laugh at them.
Ryan is back at El Pavo Guapo and I have completely lost track of what day or time it's supposed to be in Newport. Taylor's been trying to call Ryan, but he hasn't answered the phone before he translated her legal document. Now that he has, he's not thrilled with Taylor for trying to trick him into signing a document that said they had sex thirty times. Taylor comes clean to Ryan, telling him that she didn't think he'd sign it if he knew the truth, so she thought it was okay to trick him into signing it without knowing it. Taylor begs Ryan to sign the paper, saying that she has to meet the lawyer at the Yacht Club and if she doesn't have proof of adultery, she'll have to go back to France and work things out with Henri in person. Wow, it sure would suck to have to act like a freaking adult, wouldn't it? If you can marry someone, you can divorce him. This isn't some little-kid relationship where you break up with a text message, Taylor. Ryan says that working at El Pavo Guapo "is about all [he] can handle right now." Taylor nods and apologizes to him for dragging him into this, but she's so lonely and has no friends and is starving for affection, which is why she was so willing to get it from Henri in the first place. Ryan again says he can't help Taylor right now.
Bright and Seth meet up with Summer's clan of activists outside the meeting hall. Bright says that Seth entered his room as a "caterpillar" and emerged a butterfly. Seth grins and recites environmental fun facts. The group makes its way into the meeting room, but Seth is denied entry because he isn't a student and Brown has a hardcore security guard posted outside the meeting hall to check such things. Seth says he'll amuse himself for a few hours while Summer changes the world. She calls him "the best boyfriend ever."
Sandy and Spitz enter El Pavo Guapo, Newport's hotspot starting this episode. Sandy says Spitz will get a chance to meet "one of [his] kids," and pulls Ryan aside. Ryan's going to get fired if people keep showing up there and taking him away from his work. Then he'll have to think of Marissa all day long. Ryan's actually just coming off his shift, which means his one will be starting within the hour, and begs off spending time with Sandy and Spitz because he's tired from working for the last forty hours straight. Sandy follows Ryan out and asks him if he's okay. Ryan says he is, work-wise. "One day at a time, one foot in front of the other," Sandy platitudes. "Life goes on." Ryan says he knows this, and he's trying to make it go on with work and home and talking to as few people as possible. Sandy says that's impossible; Ryan gets involved with people and helps them out of jams. "I'd hate to see you turn your back on that," he says. It's like Sandy knows what Taylor Townsend needs! At least I hope he does, otherwise his advice totally sucks. There's nothing wrong with stepping back and grieving for a while. Ryan says there's something he has to do.
Back at the club, Kaitlin and the Wards are using their fake IDs to have a fun time. The bouncer lets Kaitlin in but turns the Wards away for being "dorks and virgins." What an asshole! And Kaitlin just lets him talk to her friends like that and goes into the club without them. I hope they never call her again and she's left totally friendless.
She makes her way inside the club and checks the place out, thrilled with herself for getting in even though the Wards were the ones who did all the work to get those IDs. Meanwhile, Julie is dancing up a storm with that guy. She's amazingly coordinated for someone with four shots of tequila in her system. For a split second while Julie is hanging off of her dancing partner upside down, mother and daughter spot each other.
Sandy and Spitz watch "the game" and enjoy spending time together. Then Sandy's phone rings and he walks off to answer it. Rude! It's Kirsten, who gets an earful about how great Spitz is and how his kids once walked on him and his wife playing Strip Scrabble. Lawyers sure have cerebral sex games. It's better than walking into a club and finding your mother there hanging off some guy, though.
Of course, the thing Ryan has to do is save Taylor from herself, and he walks into the Yacht Club, finds Taylor tearfully telling the lawyer she never loved Henri-Michel, and makes out with her. Taylor is left speechless, as she should be. That was a hot kiss. Ryan says he'll sign that paper, but the lawyer says, in perfect English and with absolutely no trace of a French accent, that he knows love when he sees it so no signed document will be necessary. The lawyer leaves and Ryan's right behind him, leaving Taylor swooning.
Summer takes a moment away from her meeting to say hi to Seth. He's sleeping on an uncomfortable chair in the hall. Summer tells him that they're going to filibuster, meaning that the meeting could go on all night. Wow, campus politics are complicated! Anyway, sorry about those last-night-in-town plans, Seth. Summer tells Seth about how convincing her arguments have been so far and how good it felt to make them. Seth urges her to go back and keep the dream alive.
Ryan's getting ready for bed, and that means a wife-beater! Taylor Townsend comes in with a tray of thank-you pastries -- a peach torte. Tortes, she explains, are the only French food she can make. She won't let Ryan off the hook without thanking him in some way, so Ryan says he loves dessert. They share a torte. Taylor says that everything she expected out of life after high school has "gone out the window." Ryan agrees that life is unpredictable. Taylor says that sometimes that's a good thing. Ryan says the torte is great. It's almost worth the ridiculousness of the Taylor-marries-a-random-French-guy storyline for this scene.
Seth shows up at the Providence airport to get the flight out. It's not until tomorrow morning.
Sandy comes home with a game of Scrabble and some sexy ideas. Kirsten spells "quixotic," which is worth, like, one hundred bajillion points or the removal of Sandy's sock. A look at what's left of Sandy's wardrobe indicates that he isn't very good at Scrabble.
Kaitlin and Julie finally share that bowl of ice cream they've been planning since two episodes ago. Neither one looks particularly anxious to confess anything deal-related. Like sleazy lying mother, like daughter.
Taylor leaves Ryan's pool house with a look on her face a lot like the one she had when she fell in love with Seth.
And Summer comes home to find a message from Seth on her machine and a drawing of her saving the world while wearing a bikini made out of vines. I hope that isn't poison ivy. On the message, Seth says he wants to give her room to keep doing the amazing things she's doing. "So if you don't hear from me for a while, it's not because I don't love you. It's because I do." That's all well and good, but I still don't see why she can't grow as a person and still have him in her life. These kinds of things happen when you plan where to go to college around your high school boy- or girlfriend, though.