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One of Diane's Legal Aid cases involves a policewoman accused of shooting her husband, but the way her convicting jury acts seems like there's more to the story. Kalinda joins in the hunt to find out more about them, see if there's a way they can get their sympathetic judge to reverse the verdict, but Cary and Dana get super aggressive about keeping her away from them and eventually arrest her for harassment.
Meanwhile, Alicia and Peter are on pretty good terms after Grace's non-abduction, so she asks him to help her get them into private school. For some reason, the once-excited Headmistress balks, and Peter gets completely scary in her face; meanwhile, Alicia has gone to threaten Black Jesus to stay away from Grace until she gets her mind right, which will be never. He's aware, he says: Her "assistant" Kalinda threatened him with bodily harm when she was retrieving the child last week.
To repay the debt, Alicia bails Kalinda out -- after she pulls a frankly scary move of her own on Cary, threatening a serious attack if he doesn't quit shuffling Kalinda around the city -- and they have a very curt, very pithy conversation about how Kalinda saved her kid last week. Alicia softens, which... For Alicia, it's a lot. For a regular person, she's still being pretty horrible, but for Alicia she ends up much kindlier toward Kalinda in the end.
Because, you see, she's lonely. Her only friend now is brother Owen, and though she tries to reconnect with old buddies, that goes horrible. And since she has no intention of going through the mess of reconciling with Kalinda, she's at a loss. Which makes it even weirder when Diane approaches her about resuming her position as Alicia's mentor for the partnership track, as long as she stays away from Will (since she doesn't know Alicia was the breaker-upper there, this is due diligence). Alicia's not sure what to think about all that, but by episode's end it's Diane she's having her after-work drink with.
In the end, we learn that the foreman actually threatened the other jurors to vote Guilty after he dabbled in some lunchtime googling and found out that the woman's partner once shot a kid and got away with it. But that's not the thing, of the many things L/G tries, that gets the mistrial: It's the fact that another juror friended the judge on Facebook and he didn't recognize her for who she was. Mark it a win, but remember this judge, because he got a personal visit from Wendy Scott-Carr about halfway through the episode and is presumably now scared shitless.
Because Wendy is on the case. She dicks around with this trial a little bit, but only to scare the judge and get leverage for her main deal, which is still about Will's (imaginary?) basketball-game debt-forgiveness racket. When she finally meets with Will -- alone on the ball court, since she's driven everyone away at this point -- it's got a pretty epic feel... That only increases once she reveals the real target of her corruption investigation: Peter Florrick himself. I KNOW!
As mind-blowing a way as any to end 2011, no? I'll see you year.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!PREVIOUSLY
Kalinda secretly saved Grace Florrick from some kind of poor people cult. Dana and Cary are now having freaky pretend lesbian sex with each other. Alicia and Peter were so flipped out by the non-death of their daughter that they acted civil with each other, which should piss David Lee off immensely. There is at present no sign of Finn; Jackie has yet to retaliate against Alicia for standing up to her; Eli just found out that Peter was coming after Will. Diane got bored and brought Legal Aid in-house. She also pressured Will to break up with Alicia, but in the end Alicia was too overwhelmed by various Things and did the deed herself. This won Will points with Diane, but broke his heart -- or at least his idea that he is in love with Alicia -- in the process.
LEGAL AID CASE
Diane: "Alicia! Lose the fugue state."
Alicia: "Sorry, I've got a lot of things going on. What is happening with this case?"
Diane: "We got a Legal Aid case here of a lady who didn't shoot her husband in the head."
Dana: "Your Honor, this is about a lady who shot her husband in the head."
Judge: "We'll let the jury decide."
Dana & Cary: "[Bitching and moaning about that, pissing him off.]."
RING RING
Alicia: "Thanks for calling, I was so bored in the middle of this murder case! How about you let my kids go to your private school? It's been a few episodes since they changed schools, and just recently were put in no danger whatsoever, so as you can see it's very important that I get them into private school. And also pay for it myself, in preparation for that divorce on which I'm still dragging my feet."
Scary Capstone Academy Lady: "There is nothing we can do for you."
Alicia: "Really? Did you know my husband is Peter Florrick?"
Capstone: "No! That changes everything. Sorry, we don't usually have information like that on file. It's why so many of our students are indigents and sex offenders merely posing as children."
STATE'S ATTY
Alicia: "Peter, the Capstone people are all over you because of being State's Attorney."
Peter: "Using my influence and name is just one of the many things that make me a good husband for you and your schemes."
Cary & Dana: "This judge hates us, sir."
Peter: "He didn't always hate you, what happened?"
Cary & Dana: "Sundry legal things."
Peter: "Offer them second degree, four years."
Cary: "But we don't plea bargain! And other objections because I hate losing!"
Peter: "Look, I take being State's Attorney very seriously. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to use my influence and name to bribe my children into their fifteenth school this year."
L/G
Alicia fugues out some more, bumping into Will eventually in the hallway.
Will: "Oh, hey Alicia. I wasn't crying or anything."
Alicia & Will: "So, it shouldn't be awkward that we broke up. Okay. So we're good."
Alicia: "I kind of thought you would make a big sassy mess."
Will: "For reasons you'd be better off knowing, I have made my piece with our breakup."
Alicia: "I wouldn't say I'm disappointed, but it's certainly a weird feeling."
Will: "I have work to do. Also, I got full credit for dumping you even though I didn't."
Alicia: "For my part, I have a tremendous amount of staring into space to do in this episode of The Good Wife."
Diane: "Cary, good work! Who's a little man?"
Cary: "Thanks for patronizing me, Diane. It feels great. So here's the deal, second degree, minimum jailtime."
Diane & Legal Aid Guy Coyne: "[Celebrate silently, including a high-five that they stop at the last second because they are on speakerphone; it is so cute that even Alicia interrupts her busy staring-into-space schedule to grin at them.]"
Dana v. Legal Aid Guy: "<[Try to fight the whole case again over the phone until Diane shuts them up.]"
JAIL
Defendant: "So it's four years, one of which I'll actually spend in jail, versus waiting until the jury comes back in a minute. Alicia, what should I do? You're not talking much."
Alicia: "That's kind of my thing. But since you asked, here's a long and beautifully written speech about your options. Essentially, you're the only one who knows if you did it and if a year is worth it to you. On the other hand, juries are crazy."
Defendant: "Crazy, you say?"
Alicia: "They're your peers. I've never understood my peers. (I secretly don't think I have any. The two things are possibly related.)"
Defendant: "Well, I didn't do it, so I'm not taking the deal."
Diane & Coyne: "It's your ass."
HOME
Peter: "That Capstone Headmistress is a piece of work!"
Florricks: Laugh and are cute like an old married couple, which is what they are.
Peter: "And of course I'm paying half."
Alicia: "But David Lee told me to pay the whole thing, for when I divor... Oh, I mean never mind. Okay, if you want."
Peter: "So does Grace still suck?"
Alicia: "You know it. She's grounded from everything, including Jimmy Patrick."
Peter: "That's Black Jesus? I will scare him to death."
Alicia: "No, I will do it."
They Are: Cute some more.
Peter takes the kids, and Alicia thinks for a second about how normally this is when she would call Will and have sex with him in her special underwear, but now instead she's doing things ladies do when the kids are gone, like be happy the kids are gone, and eat snacks, and do some laundry, and whatever. Her vision board. Nosh on some Activia.
She turns on the TV and watches part of a hilarious cable movie about Joan of Arc that follows the old "Demi Moore masturbating in a hot tub" model of period pieces, but eventually she's so bored -- or has just forgotten the majority of things you can do, when you're not wasting your free time screwing Will -- so she calls somebody to meet her at a bar.
THIS BAR
Alicia is pretty buzzed by the time her interlocutor arrives, so you could think it was anybody coming towards her. Kalinda, maybe, or Will. But no, it is Owen. Owen! Alone. Finnless.
Owen: "Girl, you sure don't look like a person who just radically simplified her shit."
Alicia: "I feel weird about everything. I have been staring into space so much."
Owen: "Are you in love with Will?"
Alicia: "I mean, I have a lot of Things going on."
Owen: "But are you in love with Will?"
Alicia: "I am married. To a powerful man."
Owen: "I guess so, but are you in love with Will?"
Alicia: "He is my boss. It makes me feel gross."
Owen: "He doesn't have to be your boss. You're a big girl, and people are always trying to poach you from L/G. So are you in love with Will?"
Alicia: "Not really."
Owen: "Then why are we talking about it?"
Alicia: "WHERE IS FINN? I wish I had friends. Or peers."
Her phone rings: The verdict is in. Apparently the jury didn't feel like going home, so they got their jurisprudence on while Alicia was getting hammered.
VERDICT
Foreman: "Guilty of murder in the first degree."
Diane: "Judge, please make them each look the defendant in the eye and say she's guilty of murder in the first degree. Alicia, before we start that, go get Kalinda."
Alicia: "But I hate Kalinda! Fine, I'm drunk anyway."
Kalinda scampers into the courtroom so fast she's got sparks comin' off those boots; she makes a little diagram of the jury and marks down how they feel: Two of them are Maybes, who choke out their votes like they are getting punched in the stomach. It's very suspenseful, and then it's done. The lady looks pretty sick, and Diane sends Kalinda off to get information on the two Maybes and says they have to find out the title of the episode, because they can still get it reversed or get a judgment notwithstanding of what the jury said, since the judge is on their side and hates Cary anyhow.
COURTHOUSE
Legal Aid Guy ganks the trash from the Jury Room, while Kalinda takes pictures of everybody's license plates and Alicia approaches the foreman of the jury, who apparently had zero trouble saying that the lady shot her husband. Dana watches from a lurking corner.
Alicia: "Can I interest you in a conversation about what went wrong?"
Foreman: "I can't talk about the trial, they told us..."
Alicia: "-- No, it's fine now that there's been a verdict..."
Dana, fetching Cary: "They are up to no good. I can feel it in my lesbian windbreaker."
Cary: "Foreman, you don't have to talk to her!"
Alicia: "It's cool, you guys!"
Cary: "Dude, if they try to compromise the verdict, give me a call and we'll take them in on harassment."
Dana: "Hey, Kalinda!"
Kalinda: "Hey, Dana! I'm not doing anything weird."
Dana: "It seems like you're taking pictures of license plates."
Kalinda: "No, I'm just noting information which is both legally obtainable and legally obtained."
Dana: "I am warning you that if they call harassment on you, I will personally throw you in jail."
Kalinda: "I am too busy being adorable to worry about that, but thanks."
L/G
Coyne and Alicia go through the garbage of the jury room, and it's awesome because they go down through layers of things as they kept voting and voting. So like, it's unanimous, but then under the dinner garbage it was 10/2, but before lunch it was 3/9. So sometime between lunch and dinner, seven jurors got Angry Man'd: What happened at lunch?
BUTTON LADY
The beautiful crying lady-juror gets a visit from Kalinda, and shows her all the buttons she's collected, which she keeps in this amazing house that is too good for just a button cathedral. Kalinda sits down for tea and some hardcore button-appreciation, once they text her about the lunchtime twist.
Kalinda: "So why did you freak out at the verdict reading?"
Button Lady: "I'm just a nervous person -- especially when I'm away from my many buttons -- but yeah, I did want to vote that way."
Kalinda: "What happened at lunch?"
Button Lady: "I don't know if we should talk about this..."
Kalinda: "Oh, these buttons are really pretty. So yeah, the other jurors already talked. There's nothing hinky going on here."
Button Lady: "It was the alibi testimony from her police partner that did it. That guy was a douchebag. Hey, wanna talk some more about buttons?"
Diane: "The partner? He was our best witness!"
Kalinda: "Well, that's what did it. Also, check out her button blog."
Diane: "No way, man. Alicia, you go look at her button blog."
Alicia: "Okay, I can. As soon as I'm done at this private thing I'm doing that I don't feel like talking about."
Diane: "If this is about Will Gardner, I will have your balls. Come see me when you're done with your private stuff."
Alicia: "Tummy hurts."
CAPSTONE
Peter: "<.i>[Charms the lady.]"
Alicia: "I forgot how good you are at charming people. It's like you're a politician or something."
Peter: "I am also very tall. And way less orange these days. Hey, is there any chance Grace will someday suck less?"
Alicia: "Sometimes I worry that we did something terribly wrong that resulted in Grace."
Peter: "I constantly worry that I am fucking up our kids."
Alicia: "That's basically what I think happened."
FOREMAN
The first guy is a contractor who is cutting down a tree when Kalinda goes to visit him. No buttons as far as I can tell.
Kalinda: "Isn't that weird, that everybody changed their minds at once?"
Foreman: "That's me. I was one of those guys. We just hated the policeman. I mean, he was very impressive in person, but when we went back and read the testimony without him there in his little outfit, it was a different story."
Kalinda: "That's very interesting. Hey, can I..."
Cary: "Kalinda, you're totally under arrest."
Kalinda: "Tree Man, am I harassing you?"
Cary: "Doesn't matter. I just got him in trouble with his boss, and he's a public employee so that means you are under arrest."
Kalinda: "You're a dick, Cary. Good thing I'm unflappable."
COURTHOUSE
Dana: "Are you done arresting Kalinda? We have a problem where they thing they can get a mistrial on jury misconduct."
Coyne & Dana: "[Fight about things, pissing the judge off again.]"
Diane: "Button Lady blogged in a very vague fashion about the trial on her button blog."
Alicia: "[Reads from the blog, which on that day got 45,000 hits (Buttons! Button People!) and therefore she's shared info about the case with 45,000 people.]"
Dana: "No, they're reaching. That was vague as possible."
Judge: "Sadly, I must agree. But this was an unjust verdict and I don't want you fighting them on trying to overturn this. Ms. Lockhart, keep digging around and bothering people until we can fight this."
Wendy Scott-Carr: "Oh hey, Dana! I was just thinking about you while twittering bluebirds dressed me in this lavender car-coat that perfectly matches my eyeshadow. And drinking the blood of virgins."
Dana: "Cool, listen. You know how you're investigating L/G on judge bribing? Well, this judge is being really gross in front of me by insisting that the defense do their jobs in spite of us whining like babies and doing everything we can to stop them. I think maybe this is evil, and not just everybody acting as an officer of the court and me taking it personally. Basically, like everybody else in this episode, I am drunk with power. I hereby rub your lamp, Wendy Scott-Carr."
God. Already with Kalinda in jail it was like, what madness will these fools do, and now they're bringing in Wendy? I mean, we knew that the breakup wouldn't help against WSC in any way, but things seem to have really heated up in the last few minutes.
LUNCH
Some old friend of Alicia's asks how the marriage is doing, and she says it's fine.
Friend: "You're like Bill and Hillary! [Rimshot! Or foreshadowing. Either way tacky of you, lady.] Hey, have you heard about this very empowering tribe where the whole society is about who the women want to have sex with? Nothing to do with kids and marriage, the women decide whether the men stay the night..."
Alicia: "-- I hate this. I hate this entire conversation. You were supposed to be boring and bring me back to boring life. What you're saying is too close to the crazy thoughts I decided to stop having. I want more boring friends."
Owen: "Not all of your old friends can have become creepy slutty swingers. Statistically."
Alicia: "No, I think that it's entirely possible that all of my old friends are now creepy swingers. I will let you know. I have to go yell at Black Jesus now."
BLACK JESUS
Jimmy: "Hey, I'm adorable. Can I help you with some Urban Outfitters clothing?"
Alicia: "No, I am here to yell at you. Sorry, but that's the episode we're in. The one where everybody yells at everybody in their personal place of business. I'm Grace's mother, I don't know if I mentioned that."
Jimmy: "Man, she's really something. Isn't she? Very open to affection and approval from others. Almost supernaturally needy, one might say."
Alicia: "Of all her bad ideas, you are the very best. I mean that. You are awesome."
Jimmy: "No, I get it. Sorry I abducted her that time. Listen, she should go to a real church."
Alicia: "-- That is up to me. That is between me and Joan of Arc. Anyway, don't talk to her anymore."
Jimmy: "I know that, I already knew that."
Alicia: "She talked to you? I am going to kill that girl."
Jimmy: "No, your assistant told me. The one that came and got her the other day?"
Alicia: "...What are you talking about?"
Jimmy: "Your assistant? Totally sexy, wears boots and tiny skirts and hoodies, like, your typical office-casual dress code? If you were an assassin or Liz Salander? She told me never to talk to Grace again or she would hurt me? Does that not ring a bell? Do you not know anybody fitting that description?"
Zach: "Kalinda told us not to tell you. I was freaking out, she tracked Grace, she rescued her. I got the distinct impression she didn't want you to know she was helping."
Alicia: "Can of worms, you've hereby been opened. Zach, I'm not mad. But don't keep secrets, okay?"
Zach: "You can keep saying that, and I will keep agreeing, but we both know I'm mostly just an adorable plot device that will continue to keep secrets as the situation warrants."
One more secret: He's totally an opera singer in real life. Did you know that? No? That's Zach for ya.
L/G
Alicia finally goes to Diane for their scary chat. You have to keep reminding yourself that Alicia breaking up with Will is kind of like the second voicemail: It changes everything, but nobody actually knows that it's changing everything. Alicia doesn't technically know that Diane was as aggressive about breaking them up as she was, so she can't know that Diane threatened Will with an ultimatum or gave him a scotch when it ended. Likewise, Diane doesn't know that Alicia broke up with Will, so she's doing all kinds of damage control that isn't necessary.
What's neat is that not all coincidences screw you; sometimes this kind of thing turns out okay. Diane is walking them backwards into a friendship (and Alicia's partnership) without knowing that none of it is really necessary on the same merits she thinks it is. You know what I mean?
Diane: "So yeah, you've been distracted lately? Let's just say yes. You know, I was intimate with Stern in many ways, and that was a double-edged sword, because women don't get credit for things. So here's my latest manipulative angle on this thing. I want you to go back to considering me as your mentor, because I want you on the partner track. But in order for that to count, you cannot be distracted. By family, by 'friendships' in the office, whatever it is. You've gotten far along this path, but now you have only two options. Keep rising, or fall to Earth. I am here to help you."
Alicia: "My mouth is saying nothing, predictably enough, but my eyes are saying suck my dick."
Unless. Unless she's telling the truth, like she always has. Unless she hasn't written Alicia off, the way Alicia's been assuming this entire time out of her own guilt. If she means it, if she means women should help women and that's all there is to it, then it's worth entertaining the thought. She's always wanted Diane to like her -- she wants everyone to like her -- but Diane's got no kids and never takes her eye off the ball. Even her dog's name is Justice.
Compared to Diane Lockhart, Alicia's just some woman. Some Caitlin, that can be trained to behave but never be great. That's what's always been at the bottom of it. The kindest day Diane ever gave her was the day she told her Peter could be useful: That she was important because she was the Good Wife. Diane loves her mind, it's not that, it's something else. Her choices, the fact that she dropped off the map for fifteen years and expected to come back to an unchanged world.
Alicia has no friends. She had them back home, but they're all boring or weird or stuck back there, where she used to be. She can't make friends now because she's got no peers: She's married but unmarried, she's a lawyer and a mother, she's a softy and a hardass. The only people who understand her, her only peers, are people just as complicated as she is, and those are the ones she hates the most. And then there's the guilt of knowing Diane sees her as a woman first, and treats her that way. Uses her like a tool, as much for what she is as what she can do.
Alicia had a friend once. Who told the truth, unadorned; a friend who lied. She was lonely before, and she is lonely now. But if Diane were telling the truth, she could have that again. A guide, to the partnership track, and she'd never owe anybody again. Diane's asking her to make a choice, without promising to fulfill her end of the bargain:
Trade Will for me, shame for alliance, complications for power. Men for women.
MORE JURY TRASH
Coyne has found a note in the garbage that says "Be Sorry" -- love how he's still going through this bag of garbage, days later, still finding clues -- and finds the other half of it.
Coyne: "So this note I just put together like I'm in The Goonies reads, 'Change your vote or you'll be sorry'!"
Diane: "I think that's what they call messy jury. Too bad it's inadmissible."
Alicia: "Let's compare the handwriting."
Diane: "Smart! Where's our resident graphologist Kalinda Sharma?"
Coyne: "Oh, PS. She got arrested a few scenes ago."
Diane & Alicia: "...Wait, what?"
Coyne: "Sorry I forgot to mention that."
Alicia: "You know what, I'll go bail her out."
Diane: "Really? Don't you hate her?"
THE BLOODY CHAMBERS
Wendy Scott-Carr is seated, in her lavender carcoat, in the judge's chambers. He's pretending not to be scared, which is tough considering there's blood running up the walls and an unearthly choir vaguely singing somewhere in the vicinity of the ceiling.
Wendy: "Judge Guy, have you been bribed recently?"
Judge: "No, but you're being weird."
Wendy: "Bribes aren't always cash. Sometimes they're forgiveness of basketball gambling ring debts, for example, or..."
Judge, awesomely: "Hey, I happen to have right here the article I published once in the Harvard Law Review about judicial misconduct. Maybe you should go read it. In Hell."
Wendy: "Oh sorry, did I totally offend you? My hypnotic voice and icy beauty tend to smooth that kind of thing over before anybody even realizes it."
Judge: "Funny thing is, you're attempting undue influence. It's a threat."
Wendy: "Fine, I'll level. Those basketball meetings are a nexus of..."
Judge: "I'm cool with Will. I really like Diane. You're trying to connect the dots to this ongoing case and make me look..."
Wendy: "-- Um. See what you did there? It's not an 'ongoing case' because the verdict is in. You're proving my point."
Judge: "Yeah, I can see that. Doesn't mean I'm going to wipe this terrifying smile off my face."
JAIL
Dana transfers Kalinda out of the jail under pretext of illness so that Alicia can't bail her out. Alicia runs to Cary to scream at him about the transfer thing, and says that she's got a pattern on a class action where the SA has been doing this shell game with transfers to keep people from getting arraigned in a timely fashion. She is mean, mean and scary, scary, and it works.
When she picks Kalinda up -- Cary against the wall, sulking harder than ever before -- they don't even speak or look at each other until they're in Alicia's car. And Kalinda thanks her, quietly. Alicia turns off the car.
Alicia: "You found my daughter."
Kalinda: "She was... Lost."
Alicia: "You brought her home."
Kalinda: "She would've come home on her own..."
Alicia: "You told my kids not to tell me. Why."
Kalinda, nervous: "I don't want a mess..."
Alicia: "What mess."
This mess. Here. I have never done anything that didn't have an agenda attached. Even if I have no agenda, there's an agenda attached. If I brought your daughter to you: Agenda, to make you love me again. Kiss Cary: Agenda, to keep the lines open. The mystique of being Kalinda is that I can't ever do anything kind.
Kalinda: "Alicia, I haven't changed. I'm the same person. I knew I could help, so I helped."
Alicia: "Thank you."
Kalinda: "You don't have to..."
Alicia: "This isn't that conversation. I know your tricks. This isn't getting any wider in scope than the current situation. I am not forgiving you by thanking you. I am not not forgiving you, sitting in this car, because forgiveness and our history are beyond the scope of this conversation. I am thanking you for a good deed, which I have repaid. Not because I love you, but because I don't want to owe you. This is the opposite of a favor."
ibid., verbatim: "-- No. You didn't have to. That's why I'm thanking you."
Kalinda: "Yeah, well, let's not forget that I've never done anything to hurt you, and the fact that I technically don't have a leg to stand on doesn't mean I'm not in pain too. You vanished. The thing that you're constantly threatening to do, the one power you actually wield, and you did it to me. I'm guilty, I get it, but I was very lonely before I met you. And now I'm lonely again. And you seem to be doing just fucking fine."
ibid., verbatim: "You're welcome."
CHAMBERS
They bring in the adenoidal Juror #12, the other crier, and he shows Cary and the judge the note he got about voting guilty. Coyne once again ticks off the judge a little, and Cary bitches and makes him yell too, so I guess we're still good.
Judge: "So did this note change your mind?"
Dana: "I smell brimstone. I guess Wendy already took care of this."
Diane: "Doesn't matter! The mere fact of its existence..."
Judge: "Nope, sorry. If he wasn't going to change his vote it still doesn't help. Do better. And I'm afraid that I can't support you harassing jurors anymore, either. We're relegated to playing this like first-years because actually treating one another like adults has failed. I don't want Wendy Scott-Carr back in here. I've been wiping blood off the walls all day."
So what's weird is, he says it was the foreman guy that gave him the note -- he just assumed the guy wanted to go home for the night, or back to the trees -- but the foreman guy was another one who changed his vote. So now there's two mysteries: Why was the foreman guy scared enough to threaten even the Guilty voters, and who applied the pressure? Let's visit Button Lady, she's proven real helpful so far.
BUTTON LADY
Kalinda: "Let's talk about buttons some more! And about what happened at lunch."
Button Lady: "We didn't talk about the case. I do remember that the Foreman Guy, Mario, would often take off during lunch -- we'd eat at the Chopstick Shack, which is a real restaurant named that -- and go door for mysterious reasons."
It was an internet café, so of course Kalinda went and got the browser history and saw that Mario was reading up on the police partner, who shot an unarmed Latino youth at some point and got away with it. So it seems Mario ducked over that day at lunch, Googled one of the main witnesses in the first-degree murder case on which he was a juror, and then came back full of ire, in time to flip the whole jury.
Alicia: "Cool! This is the thing we were looking for!"
Diane & Coyne: "No. The judge is getting really weird, we have to do this super basic."
Kalinda: "I'll go get affidavits from the other jurors that he brought in outside information."
Alicia: "I will help."
Kalinda: "Hell yeah!"
Even The Music: Gets cute.
Capstone: "Hey, we changed our minds about Grace and Zach for unspecified, shifty reasons. I may be being watched by someone or something in the corner of my office. Officially I don't want to set a precedent for parents using their influence and station to get their kids into private school: A thing that has never happened before."
Alicia: "Hey, Peter? Could you call that lady again? Apparently we're part of a hundred-year assault on the middle class that Reagan shifted into overdrive. If we don't get our privileged white kids into that school, we won't retain our hegemony."
Peter: "This is essentially my whole job now. It's always weird, the episodes that I am in versus the episodes that I'm not in. Cook County is on the case. The Case Of The Private School Waiting List!"
BUTTON LADY
Kalinda: "Button Lady, this is my best friend in the... I mean, my associate. Alicia I'm So Sorry Please Forgive Me I Love You Florrick."
Button Lady: "I'm just crazy 'bout buttons! And your outfits in court."
Alicia: "Thanks! I'm wearing adorable slacks right now. Hey, did you happen to socially network with that entire jury so you could bother them about buttons all the time?"
Button Lady: "I sure did! Have you heard of that website Facebranch?"
Alicia: "No, and it's absurd. Not to mention the fact that Owen actually mentioned Facebook earlier in this episode by name. Any case, I'm glad I don't have friends if they're like you. For such a button lunatic you sure do have a fantastic house, though."
Button Lady: "It's where I keep my buttons!"
Alicia: "...Wait, and you're Facebranch friends with the judge, too?"
Button Lady: "Yeah, he friended me back immediately."
Alicia: "During the trial? Or -- as of one second ago -- the mistrial?"
JAILHOUSE
Lady: "I've started biting my nails. Like really bad."
Alicia: "We have some hope."
Lady: "Awesome. Thanks for stopping by."
Alicia: "I want to apologize for advising you at the beginning of the episode the way that I did. I'm afraid I was abrupt. For me, I mean."
Lady: "It was the truth."
Alicia: "Sometimes the truth can be more ... adorned."
Lady: "I don't have a lot of friends visiting me. I had a lot of friends once. But you know, people say nice things and smile sometimes, and then they don't visit. You don't get anything, in the end. I can deal with the unadorned."
Alicia: "I thought I could too, until life called my bluff."
CAPSTONE
Headmistress: "Mr. Florrick! You're very tall right now."
Peter, closing the door behind him and scaring the piss out of her: "You know one of the advantages of my position -- there aren't many -- is that I can do background checks on a motherfucker. Did you know that many of your teachers have had ... issues? As a concerned parent, I mean, I checked it out. They're not sex offenders, but they have drug charges and stuff. Bad checks."
Headmistress: "Uh, you're the State's Attorney..."
Peter, verbatim because Jesus H: "Yes, ma'am. I am. That's why I'm going to say this to you very slowly. I'm the State's Attorney. You don't say no to me. And you especially don't say no to me when it concerns my children. Do you understand? I think the word you're looking for is Yes... Good. So. We'll be hearing from you."
Uh. Yikes? I've been watching the show a long time, and the early episodes are kind of a blur, but has Peter ever pulled one like that before? Because that was straight terrifying.
And there are so many neat parallels in this episode, like how Alicia gets up Cary's ass just about this hard in a little while. But what it made me think about was how both of her two other people -- Will and Kalinda -- are in this position of thinking that they are sad and Alicia isn't sad. They both had variations this week on that "this doesn't have to be awkward" conversation, with the implication that she did what was necessary and broke it off with them, The End, and just because she's so good at being Alicia it comes off like they're the ones paying the price. And it's so in the interests of her persona that she comes off that way without even processing it rationally. You know? Like when she handed Peter the keys and said, "You live somewhere else now," and it made him so mad -- that vanishing, that cold -- that he aimed Wendy at her and Will. Jackie too, Jackie never saw that shit coming.
And now Will and Kalinda both know what that's like, too, and the sick thing is that none of it is really true. Alicia feels every single crack. She tried to show Will that, but he's so much more burdened by having like one single feeling that I can't see him really taking hers into account. Kind of like Kalinda, in that way: She couldn't cry enough, breaking up with him, to justify the fact that her only agenda was surviving, because he was not surviving. So of the two of them, the fact that he's in misery means she's a cold one indeed. It's irrational and stupid, but it's how boys think, and it's another second voicemail proposition, because there's no way the facts assemble any other way, so even if he's wrong he's still right.
In order to make people like Diane respect her, she's had to streamline her entire personality to the point where half the time we only know what's going on with her based on her amazingly expressive face and the occasional Owen Chat. It's a skill: I like you/I don't like you. You measure up/You're a bad person. You get to be my friend/You don't get to be my friend. We've seen her use it on Eli plenty of times, and it's what keeps her in the Friend Zone with Colin Sweeney, so to speak. It's why the camera loves her, this Good Wife, of all the hard-done ladies out there. There is definite power in that. Everybody does it to some extent.
But I think to be in love with Alicia... No, scratch that: To love Alicia is a very uncertain thing, much of the time.
CHAMBERS
Judge: "So, third time's the charm, Lockhart? I'm getting bored."
Diane reads to him from the Illinois Code of Judicial Conduct, about how judges can't be in individual contact with a juror outside the trial -- and of course, he doesn't even remember accepting Button Lady's friend request, because he's running for reelection and he gets them all the time from supporters.
Cary: "This is..."
Judge: "I know, I know."
Diane: "What this is, is a serious ethical breach."
Judge: "I used to like this job. You have taken that away from me, Ms. Lockhart. Mistrial. And fuck all of you."
Diane: "That's the kind of thing that keeps you on the partnership track."
BASKETBALL WEDNESDAY
Wendy finally approaches Will: He's all alone, playing one-person basketball, because she took away all of his playmates. Which has pissed him off.
Will: "I don't sweat easily. Especially with baseless allegations."
Wendy: "Let's talk. That's all I want. I'm not after you."
Will: "You don't know who you're after. Mission creep."
Wendy: "Oh, get this shit right here. I'm going after Peter Florrick."
YES! So fantastic. Even Will is impressed. "Only in Cook County," he giggles.
Wendy: "Peter's clean, this term. But not before. And you know where his weaknesses lie."
Will: "I know lots of things. But I won't help you."
Wendy: "Just talk to me. It's the smart move."
Will: "Nope. I'm getting a lawyer."
Wendy: "The time we talk, it'll be in front of a grand jury."
Will: "Awesome."
MEANWHILE
I mean, how great is that? After all the lamp-genie jokes, the Weaponized Alicia thing, after all that talk about cancer, and you've got Wendy pulling the most amazing scheme of all: Rub the lamp, see what comes out. If Wendy Scott-Carr is Weaponized Alicia, then suddenly Diane is the better choice, no matter what the price is. It means changing, sure, but way less than what this just turned into.
Because Diane wasn't just talking about Alicia, when she said women have to work twice as hard. When she said women have to help women. She was talking about all women, and about what the world looks like when you fall between the cracks into a rare place or moment that isn't defined by male privilege. If you spend your whole life finding ways to be the Good Wife, like Alicia, you can make that work for you, the sky is the limit if you're great at it; and if you want to be Diane, beat the men at their own game, you can get even further. If you don't let them draft you into the Mommy Wars, if you don't let them beat out your respect for other women, you can get further still.
But what if the world wasn't just for men anymore? What if your survival tricks stopped working? What if your reasons started sounding like excuses? What if you came upon a woman who'd fought just as hard, and given up just as much, and was just as smart and even angrier? What about those women? What about that Lifeguard bitch, that broke Diane's heart? She was just a woman. And Wendy's crawled right in bed with Peter, the whole SA, and the only person who knows about it is the one person who can't say anything because he's the weapon she's using: Wendy's just a woman too.
So while Wendy and Will are finally having their showdown, Alicia waits at the bar, again, waiting for somebody to show, again. Owen? Finn? Will, to tell her about this most amazing of the twists? To draw for her the lines between Will and Peter and Eli and herself, and how they've all changed once again? To show her just how far Wendy Scott-Carr is willing to go, to prove a point? Peter, to take her home with him and make it all okay again? Eli, bringing news about the war?
But no, it's Diane. It's just a woman.
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife, Pretty Little Liars and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, most recently A Friday Night Lights Companion and Fringe Science.