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In Indonesia, the leg starts with a task that pretty much completes itself: getting rams to butt heads with each other. Kind of appropriate, given the way the season has been going. And not just with Tim & Marie, either; Travis & Nicole and Leo & Jamal confront each other in the Abu Dhabi airport over the U-Turn, with Travis getting pretty holier-than-thou. After that first task is complete, the teams have to take a train back into town. Only Tim & Marie and Jason & Amy end up missing the train that the other three teams (Nicole & Travis, Leo & Jamal, and Ally & Ashley) manage to catch, so that puts an hour of distance between them right away.
Back in the city, Nicole & Travis select the Detour option that requires them to convince a bird to sing, which puts them in first place heading to the Roadblock. All of the rest of the teams opt for the Detour in which they have to transport an elephant's meal from a market to the zoo via taxi and hand-trolley. The Afghanimals manage it well enough, but the blondes mess up threefold: first by going directly to the zoo without any food, then by failing to get it all on one load, and then by commencing to yell at each other. Despite their struggles with transporting large quantities of watermelon and bananas, Jason & Amy and Tim & Marie easily pass them at the Detour, putting the blondes back in last place.
But then the Roadblock proves a major problem for Nicole. Asked to put together a musical instrument out of pieces of bamboo, she is utterly flummoxed, much to Travis's growing frustration. Leo comes in and passes her up, and Nicole ends up sacrificing the moral high ground by trying to cheat off his work. Which isn't successful anyway, so she's still stuck there while Tim and then Amy come in and finish it up. In fact, Amy's kind decision to hang back and help Nicole out is probably the only reason she isn't still there today.
In the end, the Afghanimals win the leg, with Tim & Marie close behind despite their train problems. Jason & Amy come in third, though not without some recriminations about how long Amy stuck around to help Nicole. The ER docs come in fourth, with Travis sharing some incoherent thoughts about frustration. And the blondes, now fresh out of sacrificial lambs to beat to the mat, are finally Philiminated. I have to say, it isn't the top four I expected. But then I can't think of a lot of other teams who should be in it instead.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We're still in Abu Dhabi, which means more shots of that city's exotic skyline, accompanied by music on the soundtrack that could have been lifted from Argo. The voice of Phil tells us, "This is the United Arab Emirates. Located on the Arabian Peninsula, more than 80 percent of it is covered in sand." Yes, Phil, you mentioned that last week. Better hope they're not sensitive about it. "And towering four thousand feet above the desert," he adds, "is Jebel Hafeet." He's perched Probst-like on a steep slope near a peak as he says this is now the start of the ninth leg in a race around the world. Even though it's technically not. But first, we get to watch Nicole & Travis check out a couple of the cars they won at the end of last week's leg. You and the sponsor who provided the vehicles will be pleasantly surprised to hear that the ER docs have only nice things to say about them.
Then they open their clue at 12:38 AM, with the hotel in the background showing purple lights drifting across its surface. This would be the Yas Viceroy that was the site of the final Roadblock from two legs ago, so it looks like they spent the night here instead of at the Mercure Grand where they checked in at the end of the leg. At least we got to see it lit up, briefly and in part. The first clue is telling them to fly to Bandung, Indonesia. Phil says that's more than four thousand miles, as always making it sound as if anybody cares about geographical miles when it comes to air travel. Phil needs to start telling us flight statistics we can relate to, like length of delays, number of hours in the air, proximity to the nearest crying baby, and what percentage of the flight the asshole in front of you had their seat reclined. Bandung looks pretty busy on the ground, and the teams will have to find a place called the Ram Arena in a nearby village to get their clue. Nicole & Travis get a cab outside the hotel, and now, at this late date, is when we find out that they're all into God and stuff. "We want to be a beacon for God's light to show through us," Travis interviews, "so that people can see that you don't have to resort to lying or cheating or stealing or doing any of those things that we just consider not a good part of anybody's life." Wow, humble.
Jason & Amy are leaving in second place, as usual, at 12:52 AM. Amy interviews that they want to continue to ally with Nicole & Travis and play like them, too. Do they know about the God thing? In the taxi to the airport, Jason asks Amy, "What kind of people live in Indonesia? …Like Chinese people or like, Indians?" Amy can't even look at him without cracking up. Which is a kinder response than that question deserves, if you ask me.
Tim & Marie are starting this leg in third place, at 1:15 AM. Tim interviews that their biggest weakness is decision-making. That's…not what I expected him to say. And even this discussion turns into an argument, as he tells her that she always thinks she knows what she's talking about, which she says is because she does, 99% of the time. Of course she does. And when she doesn't, she can just blame him after the fact. In the cab, she nobly admits that they've both made mistakes, but that he's made more mistakes than she has. Tim is totally shut down, understandably, but Marie just keeps going on and on about how she doesn't want to listen and give in "any more," as though she's been doing that a lot. Or indeed at all. Tim looks almost as unhappy as the cab driver does to have to listen to this. I'm not loving it either, to be honest.
Nicole & Travis reach the airport, where a ticket agent tells them they can get from Abu Dhabi to Bangkok, Bangkok to Singapore, and Singapore to Bandung. Sounds like a long day of traveling, in other words. And, you know, that's a lot more helpful than hearing about how it's four thousand miles. They'll be leaving at 8:40 AM, so it looks all the teams will be on the same flight. Or rather, all the same flights.
And that's despite the fact that it's 1:58 AM at the Yas Viceroy Hotel, according to the subtitles over a shot of a hotel room door from which the Afghanimals clownishly emerge. Another subtitle says it's "One minute to scheduled departure." And if you needed another reason to hate these guys, here's one. Have you ever been staying in a hotel and some loud idiots are out in the hallway goofing off and laughing at how hilarious they are at two in the morning? And you wake up thinking, good God, who acts like that? Well, here they are. Mystery solved. They head to the main entrance, fully and unconcernedly aware that oversleeping has put them about two minutes behind. If only it had been six hours. Ally & Ashley are already outside waiting to start their leg, like a couple of grown-ups or something, when Leo & Jamal finally emerge. After some lame jokes from the latter team about wanting to leave together, we cut right to both of these last two teams opening their clues simultaneously at 2:06 AM. Ally thinks they can be first and second today, so she's clearly still dreaming as well. Minutes later, in their separate cab to the airport, Leo says Jamal wants to find out why Nicole & Travis U-Turned them in the leg. Which I'm sure the ER docs will be happy to explain, now that we know how pious they are.
Indeed, at the airport, it ends up being Travis who confronts the Afghanimals, reminding them that they claimed not to have U-Turned Adam & Brandon lo these many legs ago. Travis does some more holier-than-they interviewing, and then we come back to Jamal asking Travis if he would have U-Turned Jason & Amy had they been trailing. Travis says he'd consider it, but he doubts it. Which is not the point anyway -- according to Travis, the point is that the Afghanimals lied about it afterward. If Travis is going to keep riding that high horse, he needs to put some blinders on it. What irritates me most about Travis's attitude is that he's almost threatening to make me sympathetic to Leo & Jamal. But fortunately the Afghanimals don't let that happen, as they continue to insist not only that the other teams see them as a threat (instead of just incredibly irritating), and that the pressure will eventually break Nicole & Travis somehow. "And they won't know how to handle it." Yes, ER doctors are typically unprepared for stress. Thanks, Afghanimals, for being even bigger self-impressed tools than Travis and restoring the proper balance to the universe.
An Amazing Yellow Line carries all the teams straight to Bandung, not bothering with any of those connecting flights we heard about earlier. That's what makes it so Amazing, after all. Bandung seems like a bustling town, especially with the sped-up video of the daily activity going on there. Teams arrive and get taxis, with Nicole & Travis in first place, the blondes in second, a shot of a monkey on stilts just because, the Afghanimals in third, Tim & Marie in fourth (with Marie complaining about how slowly their cab is moving), and Jason & Amy in last, with an even slower driver. They're also frustrated with their driver's inability to understand what they're saying. "Does he understand race?" Given his earlier question about Indonesia's demographic makeup, I think it's Jason who doesn't understand race.
Some cameras have already arrived at what must be the Ram Arena. And if you were expecting a big sports stadium carrying the name of some famous person called Ram, think again. This is more like a petting zoo, where the majority of the pet-ees are, you guessed it, rams, as in bighorn sheep. Nicole & Travis are the first to arrive, and they find the clue box outside. It's a Route Info, and Phil says that they'll have to find some trucks parked nearby with rams waiting in the truck beds. Each team will need to lead two rams to "this traditional west Javanese festival." After the rams have butted heads -- which I guess they'll just do on their own without any encouragement, like Tim & Marie do -- the teams will have to load the animals back on the trucks to receive their clue. Nicole & Travis go running off to find these trucks. The blondes are still in second place when they arrive, and are right behind the ER docs at the parked trucks. Both teams guide their rams off the trucks, keeping them on short leashes. The rams seem eager to get to the arena, and waste little time bashing their heads into each other's with a loud crack. There are plenty of locals to cheer them on, too. Travis assures us in an interview that the rams weren't hurt, because that's what they do, and soon they're on their way back to the trucks while Ally & Ashley get the crowd pumped up, I guess because that's what they do. Yes, I know they're ice crew and not cheerleaders. Don't e-mail me. After the blondes' rams do their ramming, we cut to Nicole & Travis getting their clue in first place. They're supposed to go to Rancaekek Station and catch a train…back to Bandung. The clue box will be waiting on the platform when they arrive. The ER docs hurry off to grab a taxi just as the Afghanimals are arriving. Then the exes show up in fourth place while the blondes get their clue and the Afghanimals try to keep their rams from butting heads before they even get to the arena. In fact, Leo & Jamal must resort to acting loud and goofy to distract their rams. Wait, is "resort" the right word if they'd be doing it no matter what?
Jason & Amy are the last to arrive at the arena, and their cab crosses paths with that of the departing blondes. Ally & Ashley are pretty pumped to be ahead of them, because that never happens and their usual strategy of only being ahead of the baseball wives is no longer a viable one since that team's elimination. The Afghanimals watch their rams bash heads and run back to the trucks, getting their clue in third place. But not before Jamal orders his ram, "Sic Amy!" Amy calls back, "I can hear you!" Of course she can. People on other islands can.
On the road to the train station, the blondes' cab passes Nicole & Travis's, so Ally & Ashley are actually the first team to get to the station. So they're kind of in first place, even if the subtitles never give out rankings unless it's at a clue box or right at the end of a task. And they'll need to take any lead they can get. They find out that the train leaves in twelve minutes, and end up on a train with Nicole & Travis. Which is a novel experience for the blondes, who are more accustomed to traveling with the Afghanimals. "And, you know what? We'll tell you the truth," Travis snots. Ugh, enough already. Besides, Travis isn't telling the truth either until he admits that like most other people on the race, he just finds the Afghanimals incredibly fucking irritating.
The exes have their rams back on the truck, getting their clue in fourth place, with Jason & Amy right behind them at every step. Marie stresses at their driver to get going, but instead of cooperating, the cab is making a lot of what my master-mechanic dad likes to call "expensive noises." She gets out and hollers at the street in general for a new taxi while Jason & Amy take off. "They didn't get the chance to steal our taxi this time like the Vienna leg," Amy says happily, complete with a flashback to then. Tim & Marie leave the Route Info in last place, along with a temporary and invisible third member of their team. A member that my dad's TAR-recapping son likes to call "taxi karma."
At the station, the blondes and the ER docs are on the train to Bandung waiting for it to leave already. Leo & Jamal are the to board. They gloat. Travis pouts. It's all very mature.
The last two teams are racing to the station, as a fellow passenger tells the racers who are already on the train that it leaves in one minute. Not content with this, the Afghanimals go to the door and start yelling about pregnant wives, while Travis mutters to himself, "No need to lie." I don't disagree with him, but I would rephrase it as, "no need to be obnoxious tools." Leo shuts the train door while Amy's at the station counter trying to get tickets, and whether that action made a difference or not (which I doubt it did), the train pulls out without the last two teams. So, commercials.
After the ads, we find out how long they're going to have to wait for the train to Bandung: an hour, as it turns out. Ouch, that smarts. The cab ride here seemed to take less time than that. After Tim & Marie show up and get the bad news, Amy is extra-upset about the fact that it's going to be down to the two of them for the rest of the leg. But Jason reminds everyone that they've beaten the exes before. Which is true; statistically, you don't rack up 38 second-place finishes without beating everyone else at some point or another.
The three lead teams arrive at the Bandung train station and run for the clue box -- Nicole & Travis, then the Afghanimals, then the blondes. Phil appears on a wooded hillside overlooking the city as he announces, "This Detour gives teams the opportunity to serve an elaborate meal to Indonesia's treasured elephants, or take this country's most popular pet to a singing competition." Oh, good, more singing competitions. In "For the Elephants," they'll need to go to a market to get eight watermelons, two bunches of bananas, a dozen sweet potatoes, and five sugarcane stalks. They'll have to transport all of these to the Kebung Binatang Bandung zoo, which sounds even more fun to say than it is to visit. From the front gate, they'll wheel it all through the zoo on a provided handcart so they can feed it to an elephant to get their clue. In "For the Birds," they'll go to a different market to pick up a couple of lovebirds in cages and take them to a "birdsong grand prix" at another arena, which is like the Ram Arena but with people walking round holding up caged birds instead of ruminants trying to inflict head trauma on each other. They'll have to encourage their birds to sing, then get their clue after receiving a score. Any score, I take it. How many arenas does this town have, anyway?
Back at the train station, the Afghanimals decide on the elephant task. The blondes debate for a moment before Ally overrules Ashley and says they'll do elephants. But Nicole & Travis decide on the birds, or rather Travis does. The blondes get in a cab and go straight to the zoo, completely failing to do their grocery shopping first. That's a crucial step they're missing; how do they propose to feed an elephant without food? They jog down the walking paths, marveling at all the animals and saying, "Oh, my God, we're in a zoo!" There are also zoos here in the U.S., you two.
The Afghanimals, on the other hand, have been dropped off across the street from the produce market. They maneuver across several lanes of traffic and a concrete to get to the cheerful shopkeepers, and confirm with them that they're the first team to arrive. And then they have to start loading up all of their produce into the trunk of their cab, which looks super fun because of how they have to keep crossing the busy road to do it.
Nicole & Travis make it to the sprawling bird market, which is filled with more tweets than a certain social media site when a celebrity dies in an earthquake during a season finale on election night. The ER docs go through what seems like an overwhelming number of cage aisles looking for someone who speaks English, but before that happens they find a sign indicating the birds they're looking for, and get a guy to set them up with a matching pair. Soon all four of them (birds and humans) are in the cab together. The birds are quiet, though Travis hopes they'll start singing when he and Nicole feed them. That sounds kind of backwards to anyone who's ever had a cat. Mine are noisy when they're hungry and quiet when they're full. But I have to admit I don't know how they would act if they were full of bird.
The blondes continue to wander the zoo, not able to find the main entrance or their trolleys. But at least they find the elephants, not that they have anything to feed them. They should probably get around to figuring out the importance of reading the clue soon, but it's only the ninth leg, so no hurry.
The last produce items the Afghanimals collect are the five sugarcane stalks, which come in a convenient bundle but are a good eight feet long. They barely get back across the street to their cab with them, and when they do, they have to ride with them sticking out a window. It's not often one goes on a grocery run and has to come up with a transportation solution more suited to the lumberyard.
Nicole & Travis arrive at the bird arena for the birdsong grand prix, which, I am still having trouble accepting that's a thing. They have to hang their cages on high hooks overhead, and then try to encourage them to sing. And how do you do that? Apparently Travis has been issued a little noisemaker to operate with the palm of his hand, which the birds are supposed to respond to. So we're assuming the birds are idiots.
Back at the station, Jason is having to buck up Amy, who assures him that she's not giving up, but she's pretty upset. Finally the train pulls in, and they board. It must be even more frustrating to know they could have taken a cab there and back and there and back again by now.
Ally & Ashley have finally found the main entrance to the zoo, marked as it is with an Amazing Flag. Funny, though, there are no food markets in sight. Plenty of empty hand trolleys, thought. Ally doesn't get what they're missing (you are missing THE FOOD, Ally), and finally we can see a tiny little 1-watt Christmas light going on over Ashley's head as she realizes they NEED TO GO TO A MARKET first. FOR FOOD.
The Afghanimals arrive at the zoo -- with food, unlike some teams -- and find the trolleys waiting outside the gate. They unload the food from their taxi, cleverly using the scarves that they kept from Abu Dhabi's dune buggy task to bundle them up in order to prevent them from rolling off the cart. "I wrapped it in a triangular shape like my mom taught me," Leo says, "So thanks, mom." She'd be so proud of the way Leo keeps giving her credit for teaching him skills he's been using on the race, if he weren't also such a tremendous dork. As we see them wheeling the food into the zoo, Jamal attempts an elephant noise that comes out sounding more like a fart. Not that he minds, I'm sure.
Nicole & Travis are enjoying the support of the crowd in trying to get their birds to sing, which they finally do. They score a 23, not that that matters or means anything to us, amid much cheering and high-fiving with the crowd, and get their envelope. It's telling them to get to the Saung Angklung Udjo, whatever that is, to find their clue. They cheer like they're in first place, which they actually are. In the cab on the way to the task, Travis says this was his first chance during the race to "jump up and down and scream for joy." What was stopping him before? The knowledge that somebody somewhere wasn't running a totally honest race per his standards?
The blondes get to the market -- or at least to the spot across the busy road from where it is -- and cut their cab loose, because they are nothing if not masters of gameplay. They cross the road on foot, but before they start loading up groceries, they try to hail a cab on their side of the road. This is a good idea in theory, but in practice it proves both challenging and time-consuming. Meanwhile, The Afghanimals parade through the zoo, making as much noise and drawing as much attention to themselves as possible. As they do.
The train with the two trailing teams finally pulls into the station at Bandung, and Jason & Amy get to the clue box first. Both teams decide to do the elephant task, each for their own reasons. Which are that Jason & Amy agree and that Marie wants to see the elephants. Soon they're in cabs on the way to the market. "You never know, maybe somebody got really lost or did something really wrong," Marie says.
Cue a highly appropriate cut to the blondes, who have at least gotten a taxi to stop so they can load up their elephant-groceries. Ashley, though, takes one look at the sugarcane and says it's not going to be possible to transport it by taxi, even with it sticking out the window like the Afghanimals did. I guess she thinks she's still in the U.S. or something, where that would indeed be illegal, and not in South Asia, where one regularly sees families of four or five on a single moped. So she declares that they have to switch, because transporting the elephant chow is going to take another hour. But Ally balks at that, so they get in the car with everything but the sugarcane, I guess planning to come back for it. That sounds super-efficient. Is this The Amazing Race or The Amazing OSHA? Ashley's pretty pissed off, saying this is taking too long and reminding everyone that she wanted to do the bird task. "Oh, God, don't play that with me," Ally says. Ashley keeps bitching, and Ally screams in her face, "Okay, then let's do the fricking birds, Ashley!" We go to ads with them sitting in the cab hating each other, and it's not clear what they're going to end up doing. Other than lose to teams who were an hour behind them, which is abundantly clear.
We come back with them still at each other, but at least they're at the zoo now. Ashley interviews that this is their first blow-up of the race, like that's so impressive. As though there aren't teams who never blew up at each other at all.
Jamal comes up to an elephant, which is not waiting around for him to hand it the sugarcane stalks. It would rather just latch on and drag them over, and it's immaterial to the beast if Jamal lets go of them or not. I'm with the elephant there. Leo joins in on what turns into a game of pachyderm tug-of-war, which seems like a splendid way to get either gored or squashed. They interview about "animal power" and being the Afghanimals, as though this is the first time the connection has occurred to them. They eventually earn their clue in second place without being flattened into, simply, afghans.
The blondes have returned to the zoo but are having trouble with their trolley, what with the watermelons rolling off of it and going everywhere. "This is obviously not the right choice," Ally says. Well, at least they're in agreement now. The Afghanimals arrive to find them struggling, and lend them their scarves. The blondes are wondering how they got here with their sugarcane, saying their driver wouldn't drive the stalks in the cab. Sure, blame the cabbie. Either way, the Afghanimals have waited around long enough. The blondes are only their race-wives, after all, not their real wives.
Nicole & Travis are still in the lead when they arrive at what looks like a festival under a giant picnic shelter, where children in colorful robes sing and dance while waving around what look like the stunted offspring of bamboo wind chimes and a rack of croquet mallets. There are also bleachers for spectators to sit in. Seriously, aside from the zoo and a couple of markets, are there any places in this town that aren't arenas? Phil explains that for this Roadblock, the racers will be assembling "a traditional Indonesian instrument made with tubes of bamboo, called an angklung." He shakes the one he's holding, and sure enough, it makes a noise that sounds remarkably like "angklung." So that makes sense. Each Roadblocker will have to put together the stand, then hang the tubes that play each of eight notes alternating with the mallets used to play them. Each racer's angklung will have to play a full octave before they can get their clue from one of the young angklung-ists. Nicole is taking this one, despite Travis's doubts about her musical ability. "You know what an octave is, right?" he asks on their way in. But Nicole seems confident, especially with no other team in sight. For now. She wanders into the festival, which is noisy and loud and musical, and goes to the pile of disorganized parts in the middle of the space to try to figure out what's what. There's no sample angklung for her to refer to, but crowds of kids are marching around her shaking theirs, which is not conducive to close examination. On the sidelines, Travis -- who we already know is the musically inclined of the two of them -- tells us that tubes with the same diameter will need to be different lengths in order to play different notes, but he's not sure Nicole gets that. From the way Nicole is looking blankly at the parts available to her, it's not clear that Nicole gets anything.
Jason & Amy are the team to make it to the produce market, and they tell their cab to wait. They've brought a blanket on the race with them for some reason, which would have seemed stupid before now, but it comes in pretty handy for bundling up large numbers of watermelons and bananas. Tim & Marie show up and start having to carry their produce across the street by hand, with all that entails. Jason gets their driver to agree to let him hold the sugarcane on the roof with one arm out the window, and they're still in fourth place when they leave.
Nicole tells the kids not to laugh at her while she's trying to figure out what she's supposed to do. "You have to help the lady," she says. They really don't, and in fact they probably can't, and in any case they aren't going to.
The Afghanimals read the Roadblock question, "Who has an inkling for angklung? Leo decides to take this one, and they dance around like idiots for a while before starting the task. Because what else do they have going on today?
Ally & Ashley lay out the food they brought for the elephant on their first trip, and then leave again to get the sugarcane. Jason & Amy show up with their full load, with Amy carrying the long stalks on her shoulder and Jason wheeling the cart. They run into some trouble when the cart begins gathering speed going downhill, and Jason ends up running into the trailing ends of the stalks, sending Amy spinning around with them like the beginning of a Laurel & Hardy routine. Produce is starting to fall off their cart as well, so the comedy potential is rising quickly. The exes have also made it to the zoo, and Tim asks the ask the blondes how far it is. "Far," Ashley says. But at least the other teams aren't going to have to make this trip again, unlike Ally and herself. Tim's having similar problems with the cart. "Listen, this whole thing falls apart and we're screwed," Marie tells Tim. I doubt he could have figured that out on his own.
Up at the Roadblock, Travis is getting frustrated watching Nicole try to make an octave out of four notes. An octave, for those readers whose music theory knowledge is similar to Nicole's, is eight notes. Hence the name. Amy enjoys feeding the elephant, and then she and Jason get to leave the zoo in third place. They pass Tim & Marie as they're reloading their cart, and minutes later, Marie has what almost looks like an actual emotional response while feeding a watermelon to an elephant. She and Tim are done with this in fourth place, while Marie hopes the blondes had to go back for sugar cane. Which would seem optimistic if we were talking about any other team.
They are at least back at the market, and this time the driver allows them to stick it through the windows. "All right, people, part like the Red Sea," Ashley tells the traffic as they're waiting to go. Is she aware that the parting of the Red Sea was followed by years of wandering the desert?
Nicole has realized her mistake and is now trying to get eight notes on instead of four. Leo appears to have finished, and he holds up his work to the room at large, because he and Jamal aren't on the Amazing Race, they're on The Amazing Show Off. In the meantime, Nicole picks up her instrument and rushes over to the judges, with Leo now in hot pursuit as Jamal calls him an idiot. Nicole gets to the panel of child judges, and one of them crouches down to try out her angklung. Turns out it's possible to play it one note at time, as manipulating the mallets creates a sound like a trilling xylophone. But instead of a proper descending major scale, it plays the last two notes out of order, making it less an angklung and more of an angklunk. Nicole is told no, and sent to try again, not that she understands what she's doing wrong. Leo takes her place and plays his own angklung for the judges, getting a perfect scale. But one of the kids has to check it, and when he does, Leo does a victory dance that proves premature. "The stand is not correct," one of the girls tells him. Leo is briefly gobsmacked, but promises to come back with a correctly constructed angklung.
Amy is taking this Roadblock for her team, but Tim & Marie hit a hitch. Marie interviews that she and Tim have been alternating at the Roadblocks, but this time, given that neither of them knows what an angklung is, she decides she has a feeling that this one should be Tim. I'm sure that feeling is based on something other than wanting to be able to blame Tim when it turns out to be difficult and time-consuming, right? No, actually, she has a hunch that it's going to be musical, and since Tim played piano growing up and was in chorus in high school (not that we could tell in Vienna) and recently started to teach himself guitar, she figures it's a no-brainer. "You're doing it, yes? Say yes," Marie insists. She's smiling, but it's not really a question.
Ally & Ashley return to the elephant area and put their sugarcane stalks down to the pile of the other groceries they delivered on their first run. They at least have a good time watching the elephant eat, especially the watermelon. "We can now say that we petted an elephant in Indonesia," Ashley says as they head out. Yes, and they can say they did it shortly before getting eliminated. In their cab, they're in a much better mood than they were before , even though they're aware they've gone from first to last. The baseball wives themselves couldn't have done it more effectively.
Nicole's second attempt at an angklung is an even more random collection of notes. Leo goes running back to the judging area, past Tim squatting over another angklung-in-progress, and presents his own for inspection. This time he gets his clue, and you know how he and Jamal sometimes have an inappropriate habit of picking up judges when they finish a task? It's even more inappropriate when the judges are kids. While he's on his way back, Jamal stands up and hollers at the top of his lungs, "Leo, destroy yours! Don't let no one see!" Which, ironically, seems to be what gives Nicole the idea to do what she does . She abandons her own project and goes running to the judging area to try to sneak a look at Leo's work, while Leo tries to shield it from her view with his skinny little body. Meanwhile, the editors are playing a clip of her in an interview saying, with a completely straight face, "We're running this race in an honest way…It is important that we try to set a good example for them." The Afghanimals are also featured in an interview clip at this point, in which they call Nicole & Travis hypocrites. I don't like Leo & Jamal, but at this moment I can't really disagree.
Nicole gives up on her lame and transparent espionage attempt and runs back to the competition area. Leo leaves his completed instrument in pieces before rejoining Jamal with the clue, while Marie, as always, tells Tim to hurry up. The Afghanimals are thus the first to get the clue sending them to the Pit Stop, the Bosscha Observatory, which Phil says is "Home to Indonesia's oldest astronomical telescope." It's also surrounded by a lovely garden, like if the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles had been designed by Martha Stewart. "Located more than 4,300 feet above sea level," Phil adds, "this window to the stars is now the Pit Stop for this leg of the race." The mat is laid out on a green lawn outside the building as Phil warns that the last team to check in here may be eliminated. As always.
Tim gets to his feet with what looks like a completed angklung. Nicole calls out to ask him what it is, but he ignores her. At the judging area, the kids play a scale on it and hand him the clue, because he's the first to get it right on the first try. He and Marie are out of there in second place, only seconds behind the Afghanimals. Now try to guess what Marie says to him after he's eaten up nearly all of the one-hour lag they had earlier in the leg, and helped take them from the back of the back to just minutes behind the lead team. No, just guess. It's sooo sweet, you guys. Here it comes:
"So I made you do it and I was right!" she crows. "See what happens when you listen to me?"
Great job on that Roadblock, Tim. You killed it, Tim. You did it so much faster than anyone else so far, Tim. None of that. He aced the Roadblock and she's taking the credit for it. It seems like a bittersweet moment for Tim, as he distractedly says in the taxi, "Yeah, I'm glad, I'm glad." I think what he's actually glad about -- or will be eventually -- is that he's finally realized that nothing he does is ever going to be good enough for her and that she'll always take the credit for what goes right and shift the blame for what goes wrong. Maybe now he can finally move on, as much as he'll miss the hate-sex.
Travis is getting ever more frustrated with Nicole, telling her to listen to the notes she's putting on the rack. "It's not the length, it's the sound." That's what she said.
So now it's a full-on taxi race to the Pit Stop between the two lead teams. Marie thinks they might even be within reach of first place. "The Afghanimals are literally one minute ahead of us," she says. But at the Observatory, where Phil points out an approaching team to a bespectacled European in a dated hat and three-piece suit (because astronomers=nerds), it's the Afghanimals. Leo has taken the time to put on a goofy Laplander hat for their final approach, I guess just because. They jump onto the mat (which has since been moved onto a narrow paved lane, probably to save the grass), and the greeter welcomes them to Bandung, Indonesia. Phil tells them they're team number one, and they're still whooping and hollering when Tim & Marie come jogging up the hill after them to become team number two. They're pretty happy about that, and they damn well should be after arriving back in Bandung an hour behind. Well done, Tim. Leo & Jamal have won $7,500 each, which Phil says they can "enjoy after the race." After all, it wouldn't do to give one team fifteen grand to bribe taxi drivers and ticket agents with, especially with only a few legs left. In any case, the Afghanimals are more interested in talking about their feud with the ER docs. Kamal vows that "Travis & Nicole are going down," and Leo agrees, "Karma is a bitch." He should know.
At the Roadblock, Amy has her angklung together correctly, and gets her clue while Travis calls out increasingly futile and frustrated encouragement to Nicole. The blondes arrive outside the Roadblock in last place, and Travis is "absolutely embarrassed." Which is a lovely thing to say about your wife. She's still at a total loss, so when Amy rejoins Jason on the bleachers so they can get going, Jason tells his girlfriend, "Go help her. I mean, we don't want to leave these guys behind." Amy runs down and urgently tries to show her how it goes together. "Hey, can you guys let us know when the girls are coming?" Amy calls up to the bleachers. "Ah, can we go?" Jason shoots back. Hey, this was your idea, champ. Travis looks around and says, "Oh my God," because the blondes have shown up. Jason shouts this news down to Amy, who…starts actively helping Nicole put it together. Which I don't think is what Jason had in mind. He calls impatiently, "We'll just come in last, don't worry about it." Amy has Nicole's tubes in order, at least, so she says they're good. "I'll see you later." Finally she and Jason are leaving. And Ashley starts getting to work. As they get in their cab in third place, Jason complains to Amy about how much time she spent helping Nicole. "We could get lost on the way there," he reminds her. Amy points out that Jason was the one who asked her to help. Jason says all she needed to do was "Just tell her what she needs to do and then go," but he was the one who said they didn't want to leave the ER docs behind, and has clearly changed his mind since then. "We're not gonna hold anybody's hands," Jason says. And they're not going to hold each other's at the moment, either, because they both seem pretty irritated.
Nicole finally gets her clue from the kids after showing them the angklung that Amy all but built for her. "Thank God," she says. No, thank Amy, without whose help you would have been screwed. She rejoins Travis, who snipes, "Finally! Way too long." I'm sure she's aware. They leave the Roadblock in fourth place, while Ashley continues trying to figure out the task. Ion the cab, Travis harangues, "I'm embarrassed. 40 minutes to figure out what an octave is. Hopefully we will live for another day and another leg, but if we perform like this, time to hang out with the babies." So that's what a beacon for God's light sounds like, everyone.
Jason & Amy make it to the mat in third place, and are pretty happy about it. They seem to have gotten over their spat as quickly as they've gotten over their ones. Nicole and Travis come up and join them, Nicole now berating herself so she doesn't have to listen to Travis doing it any more. Nicole gratefully hugs Amy, and the ER docs are team number four. Phil says he hasn't seen this look on Travis's face, and Travis lies that he's speechless. "The leg sort of speaks for itself." Afterwards, he interviews, "It was a weird, miserable day. And sometimes there are hard lessons to learn. When the Roadblocks come up and I can't play the game for you, look in the mirror and you gotta fix it. We gotta just keep moving and praying and seeing that we can stay together." Wait, who said anything about not staying together? Have they really fallen this far? Is there really only one team left worth rooting for?
While Ally sits in the bleachers at the Roadblock and tells us about the leg they've had -- which I'm sure she knows is all over by now except for Phil's sympathetic gaze -- Ashley goes about the time-consuming (for her) task of figuring out the Roadblock. She gets something together as Ally says it's frustrating to have such a good start to the day and end up having it ruined. I bet it would be worse if it hadn't been their fault, which it clearly was. At least Ashley's angklung is right, so they finally get to leave in last place. Eventually they reach the mat, where Phil tells them they're the last team to arrive, and waits just long enough to plant a seed of hope before officially Philiminating them. As they both start crying, Ally says it was seven countries and a dream come true. Ashley tearfully says it was so much fun, explains to Phil that she's crying because she doesn't want it to be over. But they at least think they've represented for ice crews all over the NHL. Yes, if nothing else, they have certainly proved that NHL ice crews are a thing.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.