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Teams have to start off their second leg in Indonesia by eating cobra. There's a lot of speculation about whether the notoriously picky Marie will be able to do it, but first there's the question of whether she and Tim can even find the place. They don't get there until the other teams have already finished, though Leo & Jamal tell the other teams that the exes have been and gone, lying for no good reason as usual. And Marie manages to power through like everyone else did.
From there, the teams have to venture to a volcanic crater for a road block. Travis, Jason, and Jamal carry dozens of eggs down a rugged motorcycle trail, where they have to hard-boil the cackleberries in scalding natural springs. Alas, none of them leave them in long enough, and have to go back to do it again in a time-consuming process. Also, Travis endorses lying to Marie about how long the boiling takes, so apparently dishonesty is okay when it benefits him. Not that it matters, because Marie ends up being the only one to do it right one the first try, which means she and Tim make up a fair amount of time going into the Detour.
That ends up being a choice between searching an expansive tea field for a pair of clipper-handles sticking out of the leaves, or applying elaborate makeup to each other in the style of a traditional Javanese bride. Everyone but the Afghanimals opts for the latter task, in which Amy's pageant experience comes in handy. Sure enough, she and Jason handily win the leg, making up for some of his humiliation. Nicole continues to be her team's LVP, repeatedly smudging Travis's makeup and letting Tim & Marie finish before them. In a reversal-filled taxi and footrace to the mat, Tim & Marie barely edge out the ER docs.
As for the Afghanimals, they have their worst Detour ever. Initially choosing the tea task, they give up on that once they fully apprehend the enormity of it. But when they arrive at the makeup task and realize how hard it's going to be -- not to mention the fact that they'll have to shave -- they return to the tea fields yet again. Where they spend hours before finally locating a pair of clippers and making it to the mat in last place. But it's a non-elimination leg, as everyone probably knew. Including them.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"This is Indonesia," Phil says, "A country that stretches more than three thousand miles across the Indian and Pacific Oceans." Hard to capture it all in just a few camera shots, then, not that the Amazing Cameramen and Amazing Editors don't make an heroic effort anyway. "And on the most densely populated island of Java, [insert missing verb here] Bosska Observatory." Phil's back out on the lawn outside the domed building as he says, "Built in the 1920s, it is home to seven telescopes and is now the start of the tenth leg in a race around the world." Seven telescopes? I hope the astronomers look at each other through the wrong ends and go, "I'm crushing your head!" once in a while.
Leo & Jamal won the ninth leg, so they're starting this one at 7:25 AM, when the sunlight is practically horizontal. Leo mumble-reads another clue unintelligibly, but fortunately the subtitles tell us they're going to King Cobra House. Phil says that's a "street stall" (though it looks more like a stand) where they'll have to eat what Phil calls "an exotic dish that locals savor for its healing benefits." Specifically, grilled cobra. Looks like the stand also has some live ones on hand, like restaurants where you get to pick your own lobster out of a tank but with lots more neurotoxins. Phil holds up a serving in a big palm leaf as he says that devouring this delicacy will earn teams their clue. Their allowance for this leg is $27, according to some additional mumble-reading from Leo. As they run down the hill from the Observatory (where the racers presumably slept in those planetarium seats that lean way back), they remind us how they lost their allies at the end of the last leg, when Ally & Ashley were eliminated. That was a pretty one-way alliance anyway; all the guys ever got out of it was some flirting. As we see the Afghanimals getting into one of several colorful cabs waiting for the racers at the parking lot, they still seem to think they're the biggest target and the team to beat. Leo thinks the proof of this is the fact that they're the first team in race history to survive being U-Turned twice. No, Leo, you were U-Turned the second time because you're incredibly irritating. And you were U-Turned the first time because you're incredibly irritating. And you're still here because you're incredibly irritating.
Tim & Marie are starting the leg at 7:26 AM, and Marie seems a little alarmed by how the clue says, "Start yourselves off right in this leg of the race with a hearty snack." Tim tells us that she's the toughest girl he knows -- if "tough" is the word -- but she's got some food issues. As they run for the cabs, she notes the part where the clue says, "You must each finish your own serving." And her biggest fear? "Some kind of meat." Tim says that given Marie's issues, this could be the end of their race. If that even threatens to be the case, Tim, it's time to turn some of her shit back around on her.
Jason & Amy are the third team to leave the mat, at 7:40 AM. Amy says she loves eating challenges, either sarcastically or not. Jason, however, has doubts that seem pretty sincere. Before they leave, Amy interviews that they're the only team left who hasn't won a single leg. "We're the best losers," Jason agrees. But he adds that they've beaten all the other teams repeatedly, which is also true. In the cab, Amy says they already know what a picky eater Marie is. It must be pretty serious if it's known even to other teams.
Finally, Nicole & Travis are the fourth and last team to start this leg, at 7:42 AM. Travis reminds us what a "mess" the last leg was for them, and Nicole continues to blame herself for not understanding the Roadblock at all. Nicole gives us a little insight into their relationship by telling us that Travis was her supervising physician when she was a medical student. And apparently he still treats her that way sometimes. Well, that's not creepy at all.
The Afghanimals' cab is approaching the Route Info as Leo frets that they might have to eat snake. "They don't eat snakes here," Jamal says in that confident-yet-wrong tone of his that we've come to know so well. Sure enough, moments later, they're at the stand, watching the cobras striking and hissing in screened cages and glass tanks. They act like this is the worst thing ever. I'm a pretty picky eater myself, but I've eaten rattlesnake. Granted, it was in patty form and not still identifiable as snake like it is here, skin and all. Still, I'd be willing to try grilled cobra. As long as it doesn't have raisins in it, because that's just gross.
Meanwhile, Tim & Marie are arriving at the south entrance of a place called CIC, whatever that is. I can tell you that it's definitely not the bridge of the Galactica, though. They're congratulating themselves on having found it so quickly, but when they get out, they're a little confused to not see the Afghanimals already there, given that they were only a minute ahead. Meanwhile, at CIC's north entrance -- which is the correct one, as it turns out -- Jason & Amy are already showing up. Jamal plays food critic, saying, "It's very chewy and rubbery" in between overly theatrical full-body gags. Jason & Amy belly up to the counter to join them, and Amy asks whether Marie & Tim have already been and gone. And you know how the Afghanimals generally react to an opportunity to lie; yep, they jump all over that shit. "It's not even lying, it's like joking!" Leo says in their post-leg interview. "It's just like messing around." "It's manipulating their brains," Jamal says. They're going to make two girls so happy someday. Jason & Amy are presented with their servings, and at least the Afghanimals stop short of lying that they have to eat the bones, too.
Travis & Nicole arrive at the cobra stand, and Travis interviews that at physicians, they aren't freaked out by animal parts. His only concern was that they were going to have to eat a huge plate of it, until they each got one small section just a few inches long. Bony, but small (that's what she said).
Now Tim is leading Marie all over the area near the wrong entrance, insisting they look everywhere because there's no point standing around. He is failing to consider a third option, which would be to get back in the cab to look for the right place that way. Marie says they would have seen the others by now, unless they're in the wrong area. Which, as much as one hates to admit it when Marie is right, she is. In fact, Leo & Jamal are finished with everything but a pile of bones almost as large as the original serving, so they're the first team to get the clue. It tells them to get to the main entrance of Kawah Domas Crater. For some reason it amuses me to think that evidence of nature's destructive fury on the order of a crater -- especially one as big as this -- has something as pedestrian as a main entrance. In the cab on the way there, the Afghanimals recall their conversation on the way in, and Jamal says it was probably natural Viagra. Like they need it, the horny toolsheds.
Jason & Amy finish their cobra, though not without some complaining from Jason, who thinks he's got a bone stuck in his craw. Amy's already over it as she opens the clue sending them to the crater. And the ER docs are blithely comparing the taste to chicken as they get on their way in third place, speculating about what happened to Tim & Marie. Who are still wandering around the stone staircases and pathways as Marie continues to insist that they should be somewhere else. And unfortunately, she is still right.
Leo & Jamal are in their cab, talking about how much they want to win this tenth leg and how crucial it is, as though the antepenultimate leg isn't going to be non-elimination (spoiler[?]). They arrive at the Roadblock clue box outside the crater and open a clue with the question, "Who's feeling Hard-Boiled?" What's odd is that right under the question mark it also says, "Note: Marie must perform this Road Block." I guess Tim's already done his quota, then. What's also interesting is that they've gone back to spelling "Road Block" with two capitalized words. Great. Anyway, Phil tells us that the mountain with the nearly unpronounceable -- let alone spellable -- name (it's Mount Tangkuban Perahu, thank you Google) is actually an active, 6,800-foot volcano whose last major eruption was forty years ago. For the Road Block, the teams will need to use a long stick to carry a basket of eggs to a volcanic spring and hard-boil them in the bubbling water. "Just as the locals do," Phil claims. That's not the hard part, though. They'll first have to get the eggs -- sixty of them, to be precise -- to the crater in the first place, holding them on open-topped trays while riding for eight minutes on the back of what Phil charitably calls a "local taxi." It's actually a dirt bike on a bumpy, narrow path through the jungle, eight minutes away. Fortunately they only need to cook a dozen, so they don't all need to make it to the crater and back. A gentleman Phil refers to as the "Egg Man" will then cut them open with a knife to make sure they're properly hard-boiled, and if they are he'll hand them their clue.
Jamal decides to take this Road Block, and he and Leo go walking off in search of the Egg Man. When the other two teams who have finished eating snake show up in their taxis shortly thereafter, Travis and Jason take this one. They all head to the egg stand and grab two trays, then are pretty intimidated to realize they're going to have to hold them on the backs of the motorcycles. The riding commences, and Jason's driver goes the short way around a tree that's inconveniently located in the middle of the path, getting him in front of Jamal for now. And that's the end of the Afghanimals' lead. Eventually the bikes drop them off, and then they have to negotiate an uneven, stony, root-strewn footpath to the actual crater. With two and a half dozen raw eggs in hand, I remind you.
Tim & Marie are now back in their cab, at least, but they're still fretting about not having seen any other teams. As they should.
"I smell fart-bombs," Jamal says as they approach the crater. I would imagine the reek of sulfur must be pretty powerful, but I'm surprised they're not used to it from hanging around Marie and her cloud of brimstone. There are several plastic pasta strainers mounted on long bamboo poles, and they load their eggs into these, which they carry to the hottest-looking spring and dip inside. Now that there's nothing to do but wait for a while, there are two questions on their minds: 1) how long to boil the eggs, and 2) where the hell are Tim & Marie?
Meanwhile, back at the waiting area, Amy asks Leo how quickly Tim & Marie finished the cobra task, which of course they didn't. Leo answers, "Uhhhhh…," and Amy whispers to Nicole, "He's such a liar." Nicole turns her face away to hide a smirk, either because she doesn't want Leo to see or because she doesn't want to make Amy feel bad about just now having figured that out.
Out at the spring, Jason and Travis are agreeing that ten to twelve minutes should do it, but they should wait fifteen just to be safe. Though they suggest Jamal take his in five minutes early just to check. Jamal doesn't seem to entirely appreciate the suggestion. Soon Travis notices cracks in some of the shells, which he thinks means they're boiling faster than they expected. I'm used to shells sometimes cracking as soon as they're in the water, so I am not entirely on board with Travis's theory.
Tim & Marie appear to have driven clear through the CIC, which is when they belatedly discover that there are two entrances, by virtue of having finally arrived at the right one, from the inside. I'm pleasantly surprised to see that they haven't fallen to bickering and blaming each other over it, though. Marie's probably too stressed out over what she's going to have to choke down to work up a good head of steam about it. They get out and Marie prays that it'll be a vegetable, but is horrified to realize that she's going to be asked to eat snake. She interviews that she "just can't eat gross stuff. I just can't eat things like that." Up at the waiting area for the Road Block, Nicole and Amy are telling Leo that Marie doesn't eat anything but lettuce, and they don't think she's going to eat this. And Judging by Marie's reaction when her plate of snake is put down in front of her, neither does she.
Coming back from the ad break, Marie says she's going to throw up even before she takes a bite, but she interviews that she wasn't about to be the girl who didn't eat a snake. It would probably be inappropriate of me to speculate that her reluctance to eat snake likely has little to do with why she and Tim are broken up. She manages to choke down a bite with liberal amounts of water. "I just ate, like, a snake," she tells Tim, amazed at herself. Tim is supportively pretending to have a tough time with this himself. Or maybe he's not pretending.
At the spring, the guys are commiserating about the snake-eating they had to do earlier, and Travis says he can't imagine Marie eating it. Seriously, does everyone know about Marie's food issues except the Afghanimals? Busted, Jamal blithely says that she and Tim never showed up, which Jason is surprised to hear given what they told him earlier. "I was messing with you guys," Jamal says. Jason calls Jamal a liar, but he's a little more good-humored about it than Travis was. Ever, about anything.
Tim & Marie are powering through the snake-eating, and in fact Marie's pathological competitiveness is getting her through it more than Tim. They finally get their clue in last place, and I'm both disappointed and impressed that this didn't seem to slow them down at all. Seriously, good for her.
Travis is the first to take his eggs out of the spring and carry them back to the Egg Man, with Jason following closely behind and Jamal hanging back to be safe, though Travis notes that one of his eggs actually exploded after eight minutes. Jamal ends up chasing them up the long path to the bikes, and while on the bikes, all three guys are worried about the risk of bringing back undercooked eggs. Is it even possible to overcook them?
Now in their cab, Tim & Marie are flush with the triumph of having eaten cobra. Marie has tears in her eyes and Tim has scales in his teeth, and I think they only way they could be more excited is if they'd eaten the cobra alive.
Travis and Jason return to the Egg Man at the egg stand, in view of their waiting partners. So far, Travis's eggs look to be solid inside when the Egg Man cuts them open, one by one. Jamal joins them at the counter, and quickly seems to be regretting the extra time he spent at the spring. But after the Egg Man sets the halves in trays (while Jason asks if he can eat some to wash down the snake), he starts sticking his bare finger into the eggs, which not only makes them less appetizing but also reveals the fact that only half of Jason's eggs are sufficiently boiled. As Jason puts his helmet onto go back down into the crater, Travis's eggs get the check -- and his entire load gets shitcanned, tray and all. So he's going back too. Jamal's eggs are getting checked as he tells Leo that staying back a couple of extra minutes might have made the difference. But Jamal has one lousy egg that's not up to scratch, so he's got to follow the others back into the crater after all. Leo reacts like there's been a death in the family. Amy whispers to Nicole, "I really hope our guys stay there really long." "Oh God, please Travis, just take the extra ten minutes," Nicole agrees. I hope this is the first time they've hoped so fervently for their men to take longer at something.
Travis rejoins Jason at the edge of the spring, apologizing for advocating the short cooking time. And Jamal is regretting being in the same boat as the others despite staying longer. When he joins them at the edge of the steamy water, he lies again and says that only three of his eggs were properly cooked. Jason advises him to tell Marie, if and when she arrives, that it only took ten minutes. "Tell her eight minutes. Eight to ten," Travis agrees. So it's okay to lie to other people, just not to Travis? In the post-leg interview, Leo makes a similar remark to one he made last week: "Hypocriiiites!" Stop making me agree with you, Leo.
Tim & Marie show up at the Road Block clue box, and Marie reads the clue and protests, "I don't know how to hard-boil eggs." Too bad; the clue specifies that she has to do it. Also, what does she cook if boiling eggs is above her pay grade? Up at the waiting area, Amy & Nicole crouch to get out of view, only to see Leo hilariously wave his arms down the hill before joining them. Marie finds them anyway, so it's a little awkward when Tim gets there to find them all squatting behind the fence, as through afflicted with a mass leg cramp. "What's up, guys?" Tim asks. Not them, until they stand up again. As Marie nervously takes off on the back of her bike with her eggs, Tim asks the others if they've been there a while. He's not exactly bowled over by a flood of straight answers.
Down in the crater, Jason and Travis are coming up on eighteen minutes, and Jason decides to wait for Travis even though his eggs have been in a minute longer. Leo & Jamal mock them for this in their post-leg interview, and finally Travis & Jason head out with the clock at twenty minutes, while Jamal has another couple of minutes to wait. It's not watching paint dry, but it's close.
While Marie rides down the hill, Tim explains to the others that Marie eats healthy, but doesn't know how to hard-boil an egg. This comes as kind of a surprise to the others. She meets Jason on her way down, and he high-fives her and tells her it's quick. "I don't know how to boil eggs," she confesses as they go their separate ways. "I’m gonna rely on Jamal," Jason tells us as he goes on his way. "I'll let him be the culprit." Travis also gives her some encouragement when she meets him . "We thought they were like an hour ahead of us so I'm not really sure," she says as she continues down the hill. Jason arrives at the egg stand with the Egg-Man, and he starts cutting open eggs with pale-yellow yolks inside, rather than the more brightly colored ones we saw earlier. Tim informs us that this could be a problem, "because Marie lacks a little thing called patience." Yes, we've noticed that. He is one hundred percent certain that she's going to come back with insufficiently boiled eggs. Saying that may prove to be the one thing that causes the opposite to happen.
She encounters Jamal on the footpath as she's climbing down and he's climbing up, and all he tells her is that it's straight down the path. So it turns out that there are times when he won't lie, which is when someone else is relying on him to do so. As for Marie, she's a little surprised to see the one she thought was in the lead now bringing up the rear. "It's kind of nice to see that everybody is still here, but they're still way ahead of us," she narrates. I'm not accustomed to hearing her say things that are actually helpful like this. She needs to get mad at the camera or something because this is messing with my paradigm.
Jason's eggs all meet the Egg Man's standards, so he and Amy are the first to finish the Road Block, goo goo g'joob. They go off to a more scenic spot overlooking the crater to read it, and it's for a Detour. Phil's on a scenic hillside as he says teams get the chance to "take part in a celebration or go to work in a field." He's not even trying to make the two tasks seem related any more. For "Paint Your Partner," they'll need to use some extreme cosmetics to paint each other up like traditional Javanese brides, "without the use of a mirror." Judging by the already-made-up model who will be at the task, it will include not only some extra-bright examples of standard cosmetics, but also a geisha-like wig accessorized with forehead paint, gold decals, and jewels. This will have to be accomplished to the satisfaction of the local beautician from whom they'll need to get their clue. But why do that when you can be outside? From a hillside field of thick, chest-high bushes, Phil holds up some leaves and tells us, "Indonesia has the perfect climate for tea, which has been grown here for centuries." I don't know why the bushes aren't taller, then. For the Detour called "Turn Over a New Leaf," they'll have to dress up as local tea-pickers -- conical hats and all -- and "search the steep, terraced tea fields for a pair of clipping shears." These specialized shears have a plastic basket attached to one blade, presumably to collect the clipped leaves, but they're stuffed into the thick, dark-green leaves with nothing but the dark handles sticking out, so they're not even remotely conspicuous. Finding a pair to hand to the foreman will earn them their clue. Jason & Amy are going with "Paint Your Partner," and run for their taxi, briefly wondering if they should wait for Travis & Nicole. Won't that just mean more partners to paint?
Travis's second batch of eggs are all good enough, and he and Nicole will also be doing "Paint Your Partner." In their cab, Travis is happy to be following Amy & Jason there. "Amy looks like she's definitely good at makeup," he says. Was that a backhanded compliment?
Marie arrives at the crater, and notices the smell and heat at once. "Now I know why Travis was sweating," she says, as though that's an unusual occurrence. Jamal is now getting his eggs checked by the Egg Man, and Tim seems increasingly sure that if all the other teams had to attempt this twice, Marie certainly will. Jamal has his clue in third place, and after he and Leo adjourn to the same scenic clue-reading spot, they decide on the tea task. They're hoping to make up some time, plus it seems like a good idea to avoid the makeup task because all the other teams have women in them. Yes, Marie and Nicole certainly seem like a couple of glamour-pusses, don't they?
"I just have to hold these here until I think I’m done?" Marie asks nobody, holding her basket of eggs over one of the boiling springs. That's not a good sign. Tim tells us it's only going to be a question of how runny her eggs will be, not even knowing that she's attempting to steam them instead of boil them. Marie is still talking about how she doesn't know what she's doing, which at this point is beyond unnecessary. Tim speculates that at the very least, Marie should at least know that the eggs need to go in the water rather than over them, which would "Pssh, blow my mind." Well, consider Tim's mind blown then, because that's exactly what's happening. Too bad Marie's not as good at poaching eggs as she is at poaching cabs.
After the ads, it is further reiterated that Marie has never boiled an egg even at 29 years of age. But fear not; she eventually lowers the basket of eggs directly into the water, probably more from impatience than anything else. But then she thinks this will only take three to four minutes, so this is barely an improvement. Tim hopes (perhaps vainly) that Marie gets that they don't have time to screw this up. And Marie narrates, "This sucks. It smells, and it's hot, and I hate eggs, and I just ate a snake. So far today blows." File that one away in case Marie claims to have loved every minute of it at the end. Ha ha, like she would ever say that about anything.
In the cab, Jason is beginning to second-guess their Detour choice, but Amy says it's just makeup. "I never put makeup on anybody in my life," Jason reminds her. "I'm just saying." They get inside the building with Nicole & Travis and get a load of their made-up bride, whose over-the-top aesthetic has Jason balking almost immediately. Still, Amy prevails upon him to sit down across from her at a makeup table covered with cosmetics and false eyelashes and the like. And just like Phil said, there's not a mirror in the room, so everyone is going to have to trust their partners. At least Jason probably doesn't need to worry about how he'll end up looking, with a pageant queen for a partner. Amy's the one who should be worried.
Travis is going to have to shave off his goatee before getting started, which explains why it's been missing from his post-leg interviews tonight. "Look at you, sexy sexy," Nicole says indifferently when he returns from the bathroom with a newly smooth face. He certainly does look younger. Jason & Amy are applying gold eye shadow to each other as Jason makes sure we all know he doesn't have her pageant background. "I just wait for the two hours it takes her to do it," he says. But he can't pretend he isn't picking up some techniques as they're being applied on his own mug. Nicole & Travis are also working on each other at the same time, and as the making up progresses and Travis gets painted-on eyebrows and lipstick, Nicole says he looks like the sexiest drag queen ever. Jason just cracks up, because he's seen way sexier drag queens.
Marie continues crouching over the spring, saying she feels like the eggs are done but she doesn't want to have to come back. Tim is increasingly glad it's taking her this long, aside from not knowing what the travel time is to the crater and back. "Good news is, though," he says, "is everything she does cook is always well done. No matter what, like, hockey puck style." Marie leaves the spring, feeling like she's done and hoping they're all hard-boiled. She should know from hard-boiled, if anyone does.
Leo & Jamal are dropped off at a tea stand on the edge of town, where they put on the mismatched shirts, scarves, skirts, and hats of tea cutters, as well as big wicker collection baskets on their backs that are just going to stay empty anyway. In other words, both Detours require everyone to look like a woman, so it's probably just as well that Danny didn't stay in the race long enough to endure such inescapable humiliation. Then they walk up the road to the tea field, noting a handmade sign warning passersby of the presence of snakes in both English, a local language, and a doodle. Still, they soon have their breath taken away by the impressive, expansive beauty of the tea fields. This view really does put the "gee" in "Darjeeling." They start right in debating on whether they should start at the edge of the field, middle, but the curving, non-uniform paths would seem to foil any kind of methodical search system they might devise. As do their personalities. Jamal at least has an insightful simile to describe the task with his poet's heart, as he says, "this is sort of like finding a needle in a haystack." So evocative! Leo adds that they don't know what the needle looks like. Have they never seen clippers before? Apparently not, because Jamal calls out, "I found it!" and produces -- a white flag on a long pole. If he's surrendering, I am totally behind him on that.
Marie returns to the egg stand on the back of her "local taxi" (still a rickety motorcycle), and Tim starts stressing all over again: "Oh God, be right, be right." The Egg Man starts cutting them open, and for maximum suspense, we don't get a look at any yolks at first. Tim is asking Marie whether they're light yellow or dark yellow. "I don't know, like a yellow. I don't do yolks," Marie non-answers. Tim tells her that people had to do this twice because they didn't boil them long enough, which I'm sure she had already figured out. Tim claims to be freaking out, but Tim in freakout mode is still more mellow than Marie's baseline. In any case, Marie earns her clue, so she probably made up some time by being the only person to finish this Road Block on the first try. As they head up the path to read it, Tim confesses to thinking she'd blow it (better she hear it now than see it on TV later), and she reminds him that she always overcooks. Upon opening the Detour clue, she wants to do the makeup option, but Tim thinks that's the one everyone will do. Marie isn't worried about that. "Travis can't do makeup, Jay can't do makeup. You're so metro, you'll do fine." And when he does, she'll still take credit for it, or find a way to make it into a putdown-- oh, wait.
The task is starting to be less fun for Jason and Travis, now that they've gotten to the part with the glittery gold stickers and the false eyelashes. Jason calls it "tedious and humiliating," and Travis is so sweaty that Nicole is reduced to tacking the decals to his hair with bobby pins. The beautician observes her deploying technique with naked, gape-mouthed horror until he realizes Travis is looking at him, whereupon he quickly plasters on a transparent "make it work" face. I like the beautician.
Jamal leads Leo to a tea-picker and asks what the flag is for. "For cut-ting?" he asks in pidgin. "Do I get a clue?" God knows he needs one, but he's not getting it for that. He thinks they have to now go find another flag and make a pair of shears out of it. Jamal is waving the flag as though in surrender as Leo speculates that there are no clipping shears and they just use their hands. Because trick questions are what the Amazing Race is all about. "And that's, like, a give-up flag," he finally speculates. Whatever the case, they have no idea what they're looking for. I just hope they haven't disrupted the operation of this tea field by uprooting vital markers.
Tim & Marie are glad to catch up to the other teams at the makeup task, though Tim isn't glad to be using an actual razor blade on his face for the first time in seven years. And it turns out that Marie doesn't wear any more makeup than he does, so they might already be in trouble. Again.
Leo & Jamal are still searching eh field, saying they've been up and down every row several times. Thus they give up on it and decide to switch tasks. "Stupidest Detour I've ever chosen," Jamal says. Wait, but if they did the makeup task instead, why does Jamal still have his beard in the post-leg interviews? You don't fool me, pre-commercial cut to ads.
But they're back in their cab, and they show up at "Paint Your Partner" to find all three of the other teams still in progress. They're surprised to see that, but not as surprised as Jason is to see them show up. "Needle in a haystack, huh?" Jason asks. Good lord, how did Jason already hear about the clever phrase Jamal coined? It's catching on fast. Amy interviews, "Remember that little thing called karma?" and flashes us a sunny smile. Leo & Jamal sit across from each other at a workstation, realize they have no idea where to start (and even if they did, some of the other teams are looking pretty rough even though they have ladies in them). This is probably the first time that their alliance with Ally & Ashley could have helped them out. When they realize they have to shave, that's the final dealbreaker. Back to their cab, and back to the other Detour, and at least they're motivated now that they know what's going on at the one they're too hairy to even attempt. Too bad we never saw Adam & Brendon give this one a try.
The other three teams continue with the task. "This is the worst thing I've ever done in my life," says Jason, who has had a pretty good life, then. He unsurprisingly has the second-best makeup in the room (after the model). Tim tells Marie to stop wasting time powdering his face for fun, because she totally is. Soon Jason & Amy are getting their wigs put on, but Travis' face is is a mass of sloppy black smudges, as though Nicole's been applying his makeup using charcoal briquettes. Tim & Marie have pretty much caught up with them, in fact. Jason & Amy are the first to finish the Detour as well as the Road Block, and their clue is telling them to go to the Pit Stop. "Teams must now descend five hundred steps to the bottom of the Cimahi Waterfall," Phil says, "the Pit Stop for this leg of the race." The last team to check in here, he says, gesturing to the mat from a wooden footbridge a stone's throw away from it, "May be eliminated." With two legs and four teams left? Doubtful. In the cab, Amy tells Jason he did a great job. "I feel completely ridiculous right now," he says. Well, mission accomplished, then.
Leo & Jamal return to the tea shop, put their costumes back on, and recommence their original Detour choice after that little scouting mission. But they still think they have a good shot at completing the Detour before all the other teams do. "Their makeup looked horrible," Jamal says, not inaccurately. He reminds Leo to look for something with two handles, as an Amazing Cameraman zooms in on a pair to remind us at home just what that might look like. Jamal starts hunting through the bushes with his hands, criticizing Leo's hunting technique. Leo doesn't think the handles would be sticking out the top because they'd fall down, but the Amazing Cameraman shows us that's exactly how they are. It's amazing how often this team screws itself with overthinking, given that their strongest suit isn't even regular thinking.
Nicole continues to struggle with keeping Travis' face-decals in place, while Tim quietly remarks to Marie that Travis looks like Dennis Rodman. Watching from across the room as Nicole & Travis ask the beautician to check their work, Tim & Marie don't think that's going to cut it. "If it is, I'm going to kill myself," Marie says. She'd better hope the beautician didn't hear that and hasn't been watching her all season. Lucky for her, the beautician regretfully gives the ER docs a no, even as one of Travis's stickers peels off right in front of him. Nicole & Travis go back to work (mostly Nicole), and when Tim & Marie ask for a check, they aren't up to snuff either. "Now what? What's on my nose?" Marie demands. "Clean it." The ER docs get another check, and are still not good enough. Neither are the exes, again, and Tim realizes that some of Marie's face-jewels are missing. So she has to get on the floor to crawl around looking for them. Surprisingly, this does not turn into a Bridezilla moment.
Still made up and bewigged, Jason & Amy arrive in their cab at the waterfall's parking lot, and start making their way down the steps. Amy is hoping aloud for their first number-one finish. They present themselves at the mat in front of Phil and a party of five tea-cutters who welcome them to Bandung. Phil looks at them and says, "I don't know what to say." Jason just grins at him through his painted-on mask. Phil tells them he's glad they dressed up, because they've finally won a leg of the race and have won a trip to Cancun. Amy interviews that this proves they're the strongest team here. They're definitely one of the top three.
The exes and the ER docs are both still struggling back at the makeup task, and Tim & Marie discover that touching up makeup with black paint all over your fingers just gets your subject more messed up. After addressing that problem -- which Nicole still hasn't, for some reason -- they get their clue in second place and are on their way to the Pit Stop. So they went from second place to last and back to second.
Back to the tea field, where Jamal says they've spent three hours. Leo rhapsodizes wistfully about the fall of Leo & Jamal, comparing themselves to Spartacus as though they were ever that great to begin with. Leo hears a snake, and although Jamal tells him not to be afraid, Leo comes around a corner in the hedge in time to get struck at by a big, black, hooded snake. Now, I looked into it, and apparently there are some kinds of snakes that display hoods that aren't cobras. So in case you were worried, it's possible that the snake never presented any serious danger to the Amazing Cameraman. But Leo's had enough, and says he's not looking in that spot any more. Then Jamal cries out, "I found it! I found it! Not." Oh, that's always hilarious when you're searching desperately for something. Leo: "Bitch." I just made a startling realization: when Leo speaks in sentences of one word, I tend to agree with him.
Nicole & Travis get another thumbs-down, and he finally looks at her hands, which are covered in black paint. Why is he the one who had to notice that? I'm starting to get why he's so frequently frustrated with her. She says she'll have to clean off his entire face because it's smudged. What, and start over? Travis quietly complains, but it doesn't take that long after all and they get approval on the try, so I guess all she did was clean off the smudges. I still don't get how she didn't see them as a problem. In any case, they're finally off to the Pit Stop, as Travis says he thinks they chose the wrong Detour. Now he tells her.
Besides, Leo & Jamal might disagree, as they are certain they've checked everywhere and have still found nothing. And they've fallen to bickering , as Jamal "guarantees" that the clippers were in one of the rows Leo searched. And we all know what it means when Jamal guarantees something. Leo gets defensive in the usual highly productive way, and finally Jamal finds a pair, which he smacks on the top of the hedges after pulling it free. "Getting your hands dirty actually does work," he lectures before they get their clue to the Pit Stop. Leo admits that he wasn't checking the tops of the bushes. "What'd I tell you?" Jamal says bitterly in the cab to the Pit Stop. Keep in mind, there wasn't just one pair of clippers they didn't find for hours; there had to be at least four.
Nicole & Travis are on their way there too, as Travis says they've worked too hard to go home now. And it looks like they won't, because their taxi has overtaken Tim & Marie's on the road, and in fact passes it. The deeply startled exes tell their driver to go faster, only to watch him bumble and grin and get them stuck behind a slow-moving truck. Marie says they can only hope the Afghanimals are still out in the tea field, "but, I mean, that would be ridiculous."
Leo & Jamal are, of course, all about ridiculous. They're not still in the field, but they're not at the Pit Stop, either, so this just became a three-way race for last place. They're pretty bitter about having found the clippers in the first area they checked, which could have saved them hours, and instead they could be eliminated, "based on stupid, stupid mistakes." Yes, but another mistake is assuming that the third non-elimination leg is going to be leg eleven.
Travis & Nicole's taxi gets snarled in traffic in a downtown area, and Marie spots a family of four on a single motorcycle. I know I said in last week's recap that people do that there, but we haven't seen it until now, which makes me pretty fucking cool. The vehicle of interest they spot is actually Nicole & Travis's taxi. Their driver passes it by squeezing around a dump truck through a space narrower than the cab itself. "What a move!" Tim cheers, while Marie bitterly says, "Now he gets it." "Extra hundred thousand," Tim adds, promising a bigger tip for either the assertive driving or for having to put up with Marie's attitude. By the way, a hundred thousand Indonesian rupiahs is eight bucks and change, or about a third of their allowance for this leg. Behind them, Travis observes the buses are pulling into traffic between them and the exes' cab, so they're falling even farther behind. A few shots of rooftop monkeys later, the exes arrive at the parking lot just ahead of the ER docs. Tim tips the driver handsomely because he'd rather get to the mat than get his change back, and soon all four of them are racing down the steps. Or rather three of them are, with Travis racing to catch up with Tim and Marie while Nicole picks her way down. At the bottom, Tim and Travis both jump for the mat, but Tim lands on it first and it doesn't count anyway until their partners arrive. Tim calls up to Marie to hurry for once, and she beats Nicole to the mat, much to Travis's obvious frustration. "Come onnnn," he whines. Tim & Marie are team number two, and Nicole & Travis are team number there. "And I thought Jason looked bad," Phil tells Travis. "But you are an-- you look like an angry showgirl." And Travis is not beautiful when he's angry.
Leo & Jamal get to the waterfall parking lot at last, and while Leo thinks they might as well enjoy the view of the waterfalls, Jamal tells him to finish strong. They finally show up in front of a grim-faced Phil, who tells them that for the first time in the race, they're the last team to arrive. "What happened?" he asks. Translation: it is indeed a non-elimination leg. They cop to wasting hours on the Detour, and Phil remarks on all the lives they've used. They've certainly used up more of my one life than I would have liked. But then he tells them they have one more, because this is -- shocker -- a non-elimination leg. "The Afghanimals are still in this race," Phil says, managing to not seem too unhappy about it. Their legs are shaking as Phil warns them about the Speed Bump they'll be facing in the leg. Jamal says they went from first to worst, and are hoping to go from worst to first leg. "As the Globetrotters said," Leo adds, hearkening back to another team that never won The Amazing Race. In the final interview, he says they're going to finish first. I'm actually worried for a moment that they might be right, until we hear that one soothing, magic word: "Guaranteed." And suddenly, everything's going to be all right.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.