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Bus travel from Santiago to Puerto Varas proves fraught, with debates regarding line etiquette and direct routes versus transfers. Only Jet|Cord, Brent|Caite, and Jordan|Jeff think to score an indirect ticket that will actually get them there earlier. But only the Cowboys pull off their transfer successfully, and are the first to complete the long trek to an island in the Chilean lake country. Then the Detour is a choice between dressing up llamas or dressing as condors. Since the latter option also involves jumping in the frigid lake, that turns out not to be a popular choice among the smarter teams. Then, for the Road Block, teams have to gather fresh pastry ingredients from all over a working farm. The Cowboys hold onto their lead all the way to the Pit Stop and win the leg, and a pair of sailboards, which will be awesome back on the ranch. Whereas the detectives' eagle eyes fail them and they miss the Road Block entirely until Team BB11, on their way to the Pit Stop, points them in the right direction. But not even that mistake, nor even more embarrassing ones by Dan and Jordan, can overcome the bad juju of Shannon and Jody's loser-edit, so it looks like Grandma's going home with nothing but a fresh hoof-print on her forehead.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!"This is Valparaiso, Chile," Phil muses dreamily, except for the "musing dreamily" part. Unlike last week, when it was the San Francisco of South America, it's now known as "Little San Francisco," for its steep streets and cultural institutions like Palacio Baburizza, whose cultural contributions include not only being an art museum, but more importantly the first Pit Stop in this season's race. Phil says the ten teams have no idea where they'll be going after this. Which will still be true even after the leg begins, but it's one of Phil's stock phrases, so let's move on. Big Brother team Jordan and Jeff, who arrived first at 3:21 PM, are leaving at 3:21 AM.
So obviously it's dark outside when they open their clue telling them to get to Puerto Varas, Chile, and they have to do it by bus. That's a bus ride sixty miles back to Santiago, where they initially flew into the country, then another 575-mile bus ride to Puerto Varas, which is longer than any bus ride I ever have or hope to be on. But even then their traveling won't be finished; they'll have to drive to a lake near hotel Petrohué (pronounced "Petro-hway"), take a boat to Isla Margarita (and hope there are lots of them waiting for them there after that bus ride), and climb to a hilltop site called Mirador to find their clue. Assuming they're still alive by that point. Jordan and Jeff learn that the cash allowance for this leg is $87, and then find a cab. They have difficulty explaining the concept of "bus "to their non-English-speaking driver, so Jordan just tries repeating the word a lot. The driver does understand the word "Valparaiso," at least, so they eventually get moving. In a joint interview where Jeff has a white condom on his head for some reason, he talks about how they're working well together so far. Jordan pipes up, and Jeff half-kids, "I was just on a roll and then you cut it off." She tells him to go ahead and finish his thought, and he says, "Maybe we're not working so well together any more." Then he tells Jordan to go ahead because he was just kidding, but she forgot what she was going to say anyway. Which is a shame, because I'm sure it would have been scintillating. They reach the Valparaiso bus station when it's still dark out, and learn from a worker that the place opens at 5:00 AM. Jeff figures they're going to all get on the first bus together.
We don't get departure times for the rest of the teams, which normally I'd be fully in favor of, but in the second episode of the season, it would be nice to be reminded who everyone is. Especially teams like father and daughter Steve and Allie, and "mom-trepreneurs" Monique and Shawne, who may have about a minute of screen time between them in this whole episode. Still, when the ticketing window opens at 5:00, Dan is somehow the first one there, asking for tickets on the first bus to Santiago for him and is brother Jordan. There's Steve|Allie and Carol|Brandy, the latter of whom wants to take back her earlier characterization of Team BB11 as "Barbie and Ken" in the face of their win the leg. She says that obviously they're smarter than she gave them credit for. And as a demonstration of this, we see Jeff marveling to Jordan about how the local dogs understand Spanish.
Dan and Jordan interview about the Cowboys, Jet and Cord, and saying they're independent. "I'd be surprised if they were around for much longer," Dan says. Wait, what? As for the Cowboys themselves, they figure they're being underestimated because of the cowboy hats they insist on wearing everywhere.. Cord says if he doesn't "feel comfortable wearing a hat somewhere, I don't know if I want to go." So I guess low-ceilinged mining tunnels are out.
The music gets all dark and portentous as Carol and Brandy spot Brent and Caite. Brent recalls their comment about Caite's tiara, which we see in flashback. Or, more accurately, we see the flashback from last week of Brent telling the story. It's just as tension-filled and fraught as it sounds, which is to say, not. Brent interviews, as though it's remotely relevant to anything, "That makes us think that they don't like us." Caite, by the way, is tackling these tiara accusations head-on by wearing a sparkly headband today.
Carol and Brandy sit down to discuss who to ally with. Alliances on this show can be annoying enough when they happen organically in the course of the race, but even more so when they're a product of conscious strategy. They decide to go with Joe and Heidi, based on their strength and Heidi's Spanish skills. Obviously they don't realize how little screen time Joe and Heidi are getting.
The 5:25 bus to Santiago carries all of the teams into the sunrise. Once they reach the terminal in the capital city, there's a confused rush inside to the Pullman ticket counter. Joe and Heidi get there first and call the lagging lesbians up to the front of the line, where they're holding a spot for them. Directly behind Joe and Heidi, the Detectives, Louie and Michael, object, unimpressed by Joe's claim that Carol and Brandy paid them for the service. The dispute can be heard by the other teams behind them in line. But Carol and Brandy ultimately get their way, and along with Heidi and Joe secure seats on a 5:30 PM bus that will arrive in Puerto Varas at 7:00 AM. Which is like 24 hours from now. Woo hoo? But then Brandy turns around and announces to the teams behind her that that earliest bus is full, and another one will leave an hour later. That should make her pretty popular. When Dan and Jordan make it up to the counter, they get on the 7:45 PM bus, as do Monique|Shawne, Michael|Louie, and Steve|Allie. While Joe and Heidi are feeling smug about that, Jet and Cord decide to go look for an earlier bus. "It's us against the world," Jeff tells Jordan, which, considering how much time they spent in that exact situation in the Big Brother house, should probably be taken as a good omen. They bail on this line along with Miss Team USA. "I'm not gonna sit around for twelve hours not doing anything," Jeff says, as if he never entered the Big Brother house and spent twelve weeks not doing anything. Jody and Shannon get themselves a set of seats on the last bus, which will be leaving at 8:30 that night and arriving the morning at 9:00. "Keeping optimistic," Shannon says, and Jody agrees that they can't lose hope. Well, they can if they keep running this race like they're on a tour group with their church.
Back at Mirador, Dana and Jordan are opening their Detour clue in ninth place and opting for the llamas. "I know I'm going to be allergic to llamas," Dan says. As they return to their boat, they see Jody and Shannon's approaching. On board which Jody is telling Shannon, "Just focus on being positive and taking in all the sights and just enjoying the dickens out of it." How about focusing on GOING FASTER? They do this all the way up to the clue box, where they go for the llamas.
Jeff has finished the Road Block, so he and Jordan are heading for the Pit Stop, still in fifth place. Now Steve|Allie and Monique|Shawne are at the farm, in sixth and seventh respectively. Louie and Michael are on their way to the Road Block, but then drive right past it. "I say we keep going," Louie says as they pass the sign without bothering to even slow down and read it. "So keep our eyes peeled for the signage, "Michael says obliviously from the driver's seat. Then we get a nice close shot of the sign they just passed, which clearly reads, "Bienvenido Onces Cabanas Bellavista." Maybe it was the word "cabanas" that threw them.
Monique and Steve are now in the cow barn together. "Hope I don't grab the wrong thing," Steve says. As long as there are no bulls in there, it should be all right. Monique says she's always wanted to do this so she could say she did. And then it kicks her right in the mush, somehow sending her sprawling without drawing any blood. "But I didn't realize, it can be dangerous!" I think she realizes that now. Someone off-camera asks Monique if she's all right. She says she is, and gets back to it. Way to get right back on that horse. Or rather, under that cow.
"I think I got a splinter in my butt," Jordan says as their boat drops them off near the llama corral. When they get there, he takes off his jacket, playing to the crowd in a jokey striptease. The crowd cheers. "If only they knew," Dan says. Then Jody and Shannon show up, so they decide to quit screwing around already and get done quickly. They're off, their ninth-place position secure for now. Jody and Shannon start the task out, taking their time while Jody sings "La Cucaracha" to the llamas, and Shannon actually suggests they go slower. Which is something I would not have thought possible. Then Shannon lassoes a little one with their scarf, and they finish soon thereafter. "And I'm not even a cowboy," Shannon interviews.
But guess who is? Jet and Cord, who have reached the Pit Stop, a park in the shadow of a big, Germanic-looking church. "We're going to the finish line," one of them says. At the mat, a local guy holding a baby llama welcomes them to Puerto Varas. Phil tells them, "You might need another buckle for your belt, because you are team number one." I'm glad Phil didn't have to sit on that line for too long. The brothers high-five, and Phil tells them they've each won a sailboard. Which is a great prize for people who have great balance and the ability to hold tightly onto things that tend to move unpredictably, but I wouldn't advise using one with a cowboy hat. "We kinda went Lone Ranger a little bit," Cord says afterwards. Jet says they just happened to get on the right bus. "Don't let the cowboy hat fool you," Cord says. Okay, but can I let the hat-condoms fool me?