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The Race is staying in Thailand, but moving from Phuket to Bangkok. After attaching propellers to boats at a dock, they have to navigate the canals to find their clue. But to varying degrees, several of the teams leave their stuff back at the dock, assuming they'll eventually return. Which is correct -- for the teams who left their bags.
The Detour is a choice between singing karaoke in a party taxi and doing some punk dentistry. But for Michael|Mark and Kisha|Jen, a third option is going back for their luggage. The sisters proceed, passportless and half-barefoot, while Mark and Michael nearly come to blows over Michael's insistence on retrieving their stuff. Margie and Luke chew through the second Detour option and win yet another leg. The cheerleaders post a second-place finish, and then Kisha and Jen beat Tammy and Victor to the mat by a whisker. But since the sisters still don't have their Amazing Purse, they have to go back and get it before Phil will check them in. At least they've finished the Detour, unlike the Stuntmen, and they have cash to pay their taxi fare, unlike the Stuntmen. Mark and Michael reach the mat first, but two violations of the barter rule result in a four-hour penalty. The sisters arrive when more than three hours of that are left on the clock, but they've dodged yet another bullet, because it's a non-elimination leg. I don't know about you, but week I'm going to be rooting for the rest of their penalty and their Speed Bump.
How would this show have worked 60 years ago? Our vlogger has some theories.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"Welcome to Phuket," says the big sign at the airport, and Phil reminds us that that is in fact where we are. "Rising out of the Andaman Sea," he narrates over an unfortunately timed shot of an enormous phallic vertical rock outcropping, "this island has been inhabited since 100 B.C. And though it was devastated by the tsunami of 2004, it has rebuilt itself into a major commercial center." Good to know. But more importantly, it's the home of a Buddhist temple that was the seventh Pit Stop in a race around the world. The arrival clips from the last episode show Luke hooting and celebrating on the mat rather than his mom crumpling, which would have been kind of a buzzkill. We're down to five teams, which means no more room for rookie mistakes. Or so you'd think.
Tammy and Victor arrived at 9:27 PM, which tells me they burned through that last leg like nobody's business. Now they get to leave the Pit Stop at 9:27 AM, after an increasingly rare 12-hour rest period. Victor rips their clue and reads that they're flying to Bangkok. Phil narrates that this is a flight of over 400 miles. Goodness, so much traveling! Once they arrive, they'll take a taxi to a boatyard on the outskirts of town and find their clue. In an interview, Tammy says she and Victor are taking it one leg at a time. Sounds like a solid strategy, not just for Racing but for walking and running in general; otherwise you end up in some kind of weird hop. "Leg Three showed us you can still go from first to last so easily," she says. This is demonstrated with a black-and-white flashback of their sojourn in the Transylvanian mountains, which of course they only survived because Brad and Victoria were spending most of that leg in Amsterdam. She adds that they want to stay focused. We see them running for a cab outside the temple and piling inside.
Jaime and Cara are leaving at 12:31 AM, according to the subtitle, which can't be right. They were practically on the mat at the same time as the siblings. As they head out to the street to find a cab, Jaime finds a way to be obnoxious even during this relatively simple transaction. After Cara asks a cabbie if the unmarked car he's driving is "an official taxi," she says, "It's a BMW, I doubt it." Come to Thailand, and bring your Western cultural assumptions with you! They go over to ask a cop for corroboration, and Jaime gets all yelly when the cop wants to talk to someone else. "Stop talking to him! Listen! Listen, stop talking!" Alas, she is not arrested on the spot. In an interview, she says that she's so frustrated by the language barrier that "I become a lunatic. And there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." Nothing? Learning another language might help. Or, hey, I've got an even better idea for avoiding problems with language barriers: don't go on The Amazing Race. My God, at this point, people complaining about language problems on The Amazing Race is like people going on Survivor or Big Brother and complaining about personal betrayal. Oh, and one other thing: when do we get to meet the Dr. Jekyll version of Jaime?
Mark and Michael are leaving at 12:46. Which, again, doesn't make any sense, because that would imply 15 minutes were left on their penalties when Team Go Team arrived, and we saw from their onscreen clock that there were only a few when the first two teams arrived. Whatever. I'm done trusting the departure times this week. As they read that they have $53 for this leg, we see a pre-start interview where Mark says their mistakes last leg were "a 50-50 misunderstanding." He doesn't say what the other 50 percent was, but I think I would categorize it at dickishness. "Technicality," Michael agrees. Funny how when I break the rules, it's a technicality, but when you break the rules, it's cheating. We get a replay of their getting smacked with their one-hour penalty at the end of the last leg, and then, once they're in the cab, Mark says, "If we get a good pace and we have good luck, it does us well." "As long as we don't shoot ourselves in the foot," Michael adds. He might as well say, "As long as we can travel through time."
Tammy and Victor reach the airport first, but their three-hour lead, whether it's real or not, doesn't do them much good, because they learn that the flight is at 7:25 in the morning, and they can't buy tickets until the airline ticket counter opens at six. Sometimes the airport negotiations are cut because they're boring, and sometimes they're cut because there isn't much to show anyway.
Margie and Luke are supposedly departing at 12:53, but it could just as well be Thursday for all I trust these chyrons right now. "It's almost 1 a.m., and I'm totally sweating," Margie pants in their taxi to the airport, so that at least corroborates the subtitle. She then translates for Luke as he signs, "In this hot weather, I'm worried about my mom because I don't want her to faint again." After a B&W flashback to that moment, Margie assures him and us that she's staying hydrated.
Kisha and Jen are leaving last, at half past log cabin. Or 1:05, as the subtitle would have us believe. In an interview, Jen talks about how the Race hasn't hurt their relationship. "We've learned to give each other space, and we know when to let each other cool off, and we're starting to learn each other's tendencies, so..." Let's hope nothing happens to test that during this leg. In the cab, she adds that it's fun to watch the other teams start to get paranoid. They're not going to have much time to watch other teams this week, I'm thinking.
At 7:25 the morning, the plane to Bangkok boards, with all five teams on it. And then, predictably enough, we land in Bangkok. Margie and Luke get their taxi first, followed by Kisha and Jen, followed by Team Go Team, followed by Team Family Law, with the Stuntmen bringing up the rear. On the road to the boatyard, Luke looks behind them and spots the sisters, whose cab soon passes them. "You can follow them," Margie tells the driver. Which works just fine, until Kisha and Jen's driver gets out to ask for directions. And wouldn't you know it, the person he asks is Margie and Luke's driver. He doesn't seem to be too sure, either, so he's going to ask someone else. But Margie tells him not to tell that to the other driver. Kisha and Jen go on ahead, while Margie, Luke, and their driver all get out to talk to some bystanders who overheard their question and want to help. And now Kisha and Jen are proceeding without benefit of the directions that Margie and Luke just got. And as they continue to be lost, Kisha accuses Margie|Luke's driver in absentia of giving them bad directions on purpose, at Margie and Luke's instruction. They still seem to think that's how it happened at the Pit Stop, because in the post-leg interview where Kisha claims as much, Jen looks pissed.. Although there may be other reasons for that, as we'll later learn.
And now a visit to Team Go Team's cab, in whichwe learn that Jaime likes to call dogs "doogies" for no reason. GODDAMMIT, JAIME, SPEAK ENGLISH!
Team Family Law spots the Stuntmen's cab behind them, and the latter team gets frustrated at their driver's lack of aggressiveness. I think I'd get self-conscious if I had to drive a pair of stuntmen somewhere. I'd feel obligated to always be taking turns on two wheels and going up the wrong side of the street and shit. Meanwhile, Margie and Luke have arrived at the entrance to the boatyard, which apparently is marked to outsiders only by the presence of an Amazing Flag high on at light pole. They climb out with their bags and proceed along narrow gangplanks through a wooded wetland all the way to the docks, where there's a clue box waiting. The Road Block intro reads, "Who's ready to propel their team forward?" Phil narrates that one person must "tap into their mechanical abilities and apply them to one of the most common forms of transportation in Bangkok: the long tail boat." You may be familiar with this kind of craft. It's a long boat that doesn't have an outboard motor per se, but rather a car engine with the driveshaft sticking way out beyond the stern with the propeller on the end of it that the pilot dips into the water to make the boat go. Except these five boats don't have the propellers attached, which is where the Racers come in. Provided with nothing but a hammer, a wrench, and an intimidating collection of nuts and washers, the person doing the Road Block has to attach a propeller to the long driveshaft of one of these ubiquitous craft. Oh, and they're also provided a propeller. After the propeller has been attached and tested and found satisfactory, they'll get their clue. Luke wants Margie to take this one, so they make their way out to the chaotic docks, which are narrow and cluttered and laced with low overhanging girders that threaten to brain a person. Luke suggests loading their backpacks onto their boat before they get started, and Margie tells him to hurry up with that as she gets to work. You wouldn't think so, but you just saw a very significant move on Margie and Luke's part.
Team Go Team arrives at the entrance to the boatyard and asks their driver to wait. They run in without their backpacks, and Jaime's doing this one. Margie makes progress as we see her interview that she's pretty handy around the house, so this was easy for her. Seemingly in no time, she follows Luke onto the boat across the narrow gangplank and gets their clue from the pilot as he pulls them away from the docks. Now it's a canal trip, and the teams have to find their way to the clue. Fortunately, they've been supplied with a canal map to help them locate the Peninsula Pier, where a clue box is waiting for them. "Mama, good job," Luke tells Margie as they settle down for their boat ride. Jaime is now manhandling her wrench. She seems pretty angry at it, so I assume it's metric and not English.
"We're in the middle of nowhere," Victor remarks to Tammy as their cab pulls up to the barely-marked boatyard entrance. Indeed, the only sign of civilization is the cabs of the two lead teams already there, and their uniformed drivers waving Victor and Tammy towards the entrance. Like Team Go Team, Tammy and Victor tell their driver to wait and run in without their backpacks. The Stuntmen are just arriving, and Mark has his door open before their cab even comes to a stop. Although, as far as we get to see, he does not exit the car by rolling out onto the pavement or approach the entrance by sliding over his taxi's hood. What's the point of being a stuntman if you're not going to be doing that? Victor opens the clue and gets assigned the Road Block in third place, and as Michael catches up with Mark at the clue box, he says, "It's funny we're all here at the same time." Yes, all except the team that's already left and the team that hasn't arrived yet. Mark's doing this Road Block. As He and Victor move out onto the docks, Jaime is just finishing up, and looks around impatiently for someone to check her work. "You guys, move if you're not participating," she snaps at the arriving teams. At least she's not yelling like that with a wrench in her hand. After a moment, her pilot comes and checks it out and hands her the clue aboard the boat. They're already pulling away from the dock when Jaime reads the clue and realizes that they're not coming back here, and will need to get their bags. She orders the pilot back to the dock. "Don't tell anyone why," Cara says. Although, if any other teams actually see them returning for their bags and don't understand the significance of it, they deserve whatever happens to them as a result.
Victor's struggling a bit. "I'm not really a mechanical person," he says. "The good thing is at least I saw how Jaime did it, so I'm trying to copy her." The thing I would be most worried about is dropping a washer or something down between the slats of the dock and having to fish it out of the river. That would be a setback. While he and Mark toil away, Team Go Team has returned and are disembarking to get their stuff. You know, not for nothing, but I understand that sometimes parts like propellers are threaded in reverse, so that their rotation doesn't cause them to come loose during everyday operation. Maybe Victor would be happier if he screwed differently, is what I'm saying.
Kisha and Jen find the growing party of waiting taxis and reach the dock in last place. Kisha's taking this one, and as they head for the docks, they totally pass Jaime coming back for her stuff, who warns that the task is tiring and takes patience. Then how did Jaime finish it, when she doesn't have any? Kisha joins the others attaching propellers as the cheerleaders make it back to their taxi to claim their bags and pay their driver. They return to the boat and re-board in front of everyone who's still working on this. I think the clue requires the non-participating team member to wait on the boat, because all of them are. Either that, or the dock is so crowded that there's literally no place else for them to stand.
Margie and Luke are enjoying the sights from the river, which are indeed impressive. Back at the dock, Victor sweats visibly as Tammy keeps calling out, "Good job, Victor." I love how she says that when she means, "You suck." Mark finishes , and like the cheerleaders, they're already out on the water when Mark reads the clue and says, "We still need to go back and get our bags." But Michael says, "They come back here," although I have no idea why he thinks that. He just wants to keep moving. After all, why sacrifice a few seconds of forward momentum on the off-chance that they might end up having to schlep all the way back across Bangkok to retrieve their luggage later in the leg?
Kisha finishes , and they're the team to fall victim to the overanxious pilot as he pulls away with their stuff still on land behind them. "Our pack is back there. All our belongings is at the dock," Kisha points out. There's a shot of their Amazing Purse, draped over something. "Including my shoes," Kisha adds, over a shot of her bare feet planted on the boat's deck. Did she attach the propeller with her toes? Jen says that everyone's stuff is there. "Just go," she says. Uh-oh.
Victor gets his propeller in place, but when he joins Tammy on the boat, it doesn't work, so they have to try again, Well, this is a bad turn. But after returning to the dock, Victor tightens something, and this time it works. They read their clue and ask to be dropped back off so they can get their stuff. In a boat interview while waiting to re-dock, Tammy says that two other teams went without their stuff, so they're making a "strategic move" to go back and get theirs. Their pilot drops them off a bit further up the bank so they can run back, clean their stuff out of the cab, and get back on their way without having to cover as much ground on foot as if they'd returned to the dock. So of the five teams, one got on the boat with their luggage in the first place, two had to go back for it, and two didn't. To be fair, these pilots seem to be in a bigger hurry than the Racers themselves to push off. But I can't remember the last time luggage management became such a major issue in a leg.
Margie and Luke are enjoying their boat ride, and somewhere behind them, Team Go Team are glad they haven't had to jump into the brownish river yet, comparing it unfavorably to the turquoise waters back in Florida. Yes, here in the States, the pollutants are much more technologically advanced and therefore invisible. Behind them, the Stuntmen aren't having such a carefree voyage. "How do we get back to our bags? Did you ever think about that?" Mark asks Michael. He doesn't have an answer for that, because mainly what Mark and Michael think about, as far as I can tell, is the awesomeness of Mark and Michael. It's even more tense on the sisters' boat, as Jen asks Kisha where their Amazing Purse is. "It's at the thing, I told you," Kisha says. Jen's face instantly becomes totally rageful. Cut to a B&W shot of that poor abandoned Amazing Purse, and then a joint interview in which Kisha blames Jen for saying they should go without their things, and Jen clarifies that she thought she meant the things in the taxi, not the Amazing Purse. The lesson? The Amazing Race can't be won without a team effort (post-Flo, at least), but it also takes a team to screw up this spectacularly. Now Jen wants to go back right now for their passports. But Kisha thinks they'll come back on the course of the race anyway. Jen interviews after the fact that she was trying to listen to big sister rather than have a confrontation, but now she's just pouting in the boat. Kisha's still hoping they'll do something and then return to the dock. Has there been a lot of backtracking in the Race?
Passing under a footbridge, Victor and Tammy yell and wave up at some Trappist monks who are crossing the span. It's like they've never seen monks before. Or they have, back in Phuket, and they think these are the same ones.
Margie and Luke are officially "currently in first place" when they reach the clue box at Peninsula Pier. As their boat pulls away behind them, Margie reads, "Broken Teeth or Broken Record." Walking through a marketplace arcade, Phil tells us this is a choice between "two very routine activities that the people of Bangkok have turned into something very unusual." He continues that for "Broken Teeth," teams need to get to the place he's in now, known unofficially as "the Street of Happy Smiles." There they will find five tables, each holding fifty sets of dentures in bowls, and five locals behind the table with busted-ass teeth who need dentures matched to them. "Rooting around in people's mouths could be unpleasant," Phil understates, "But if they can overcome the squeamishness, they could find themselves finishing quickly." This as he sits to a woman who spits out a set of choppers practically into Phil's lap. Was that some kind of come-on?
"Broken Record" sends the teams to a parking lot, where five "party taxis" are waiting. What's a party taxi? It's just like a regular minivan-style taxi, except it has a karaoke system. They'll ride the taxi along a five-mile course with a "group of locals" -- each group being composed of three young women, with each group seemingly including at least one transvestite for some reason -- singing along to some T-Pop video over and over. Sounds like fun, but Phil warns that traffic can be a bitch. And we see a clip of the party girls beginning to look bored.
So Margie and Luke are doing Broken Teeth. "I'm a bad singer but he's a really bad singer," Margie says in an interview. Although she doesn't explain why. Does he have pitch issues? Does he get too into it? Sacrifice emotional resonance for technical proficiency? Throw in too many melismas?
Team Go Team arrives at the clue box, and are still there reading their clue when the Stuntmen come into view of them. The brothers are happy to have caught up to another team, but when they notice that the cheerleaders have their backpacks, they sober up in a hurry. Team Go Team goes off to do "Broken Record" while the Stuntmen climb out of their boat and make the same call. "We need to get back to our cab," Michael says, unaware that behind them, their boat has already pulled away. Clearly those pilots are not getting paid by the hour. Looks like they'll be returning to the boatyard overland.
Margie and Luke find a local to lead them to what Margie is charmingly calling "the dentist." As Kisha and Jen walk down the gangplank from Peninsula Pier to do Broken Record, Jen says, "I'm extremely worried about our stuff." Kisha says they should get a ride back after doing the Detour, but for now they hire a cab to get them to Broken Record.
"Look at how far we're going!" Victor calls to Tammy over the noise of their boat engine. "I am so glad we brought our bags." The Detour seems like a no-brainer for them. "We're Chinese, we have to do karaoke," Victor says. "Mommy'll be so proud," Tammy adds as they go to get a taxi.
Despite being finished with the boat ride, Team Go Team is back on the water, oddly enough, as they're traveling down a street so flooded that the water is nearly up to the middle of their hubcaps. Jaime, unsurprisingly, takes it personally.
The Stuntmen find a water taxi kiosk and ask the guys there how to get back where they came from. "Oh, cannot cannot cannot, too far, too far," one of the guys tells them, which is about the least encouraging thing they could hear right now. So that starts an argument between the brothers, where Mark wants to proceed with the Detour but Michael is insisting on going back for their stuff. As they run along the street to find a cab, Mark says they don't have enough money for that many cab miles, but Michael asks if he's ready to give up on their bags. They at least have their Amazing Purse, unlike Kisha and Jen. For once, Mark doesn't have anything to say. But points to both of them for being in good enough shape to run and argue at the same time.
Kisha and Jen are now traversing either the same flooded street or a different one to Chinatown, and Jen is looking very unhappy. "I'm worried about the fact that my passport is sitting on a dock somewhere and we don't have any money." Oh, I'm sure lots of people have been in that same situation in Bangkok. Of course, most of them are probably dead now, but there's no reason to lose hope.
Tammy and Victor are excited about the karaoke. "Maybe it'll be like a Thai version of Whitney Houston," she jokes. Victor loves that idea so sincerely and unironically that I'm not even going to put a joke here.
Margie and Luke's local leads them all the way to the "dentist," and they pick a group of five women waiting patiently behind a table for someone to give them some teeth. Margie and Luke don gloves, safety glasses and surgical masks to start peering into these ruined mushes. Then Margie has to fish around in bowls and subject some poor woman to a process of trial and error. This seems like it would be more unpleasant for the patient than the Racer.
"Do you know where we're going?" Jaime asks her cab driver. Grinning, he admits he doesn't, but he's about to learn how funny that isn't to her. "I can't handle you," she says, which is actually not the worst thing she's said. He asks for five minutes. "Well, we don't have five minutes because you took 20 minutes driving through the water-filled streets." Okay, if we stipulate that her language barrier issues are legitimate, what's her excuse for acting like this to people who can speak English?
Mark and Michael hail a hot-pink cab. Instead of getting in, Michael hands the driver a phone number to have their original driver come and meet them there. Mark wants the driver to meet them in Chinatown instead so they can get to the Detour while they're waiting, which seems reasonable to me. But Michael is refusing for some reason, and Mark is getting irritated about having to wait. In an interview, Michael says he didn't want to lose his backpack, because he didn't know if they were going on. Even though the first part of the clue they were handed on the boat said "Journey on." "And I have a few things that I've brought along that are mementoes that are not replaceable." Maybe he shouldn't have made the call to leave them behind, then. Mark doesn't think they need their backpack for the task, so they're at an impasse.
Jen and Kisha reach the party taxi parking lot first, and tell their cab driver to follow them. They're in one of the vehicles by the time the cheerleaders arrive and tell their driver to beat the sisters'. Both teams head out, singing like loons. Victor and Tammy arrive . "Oh, my Gosh, it's Mai Tai Trannies," Tammy says, like that's a thing now. They all pile into their taxi and start singing.
Margie gets a match, and the soundtrack dings as a chyron reading "1 of 5" appears on the screen to some kind of icon of a freaky, toothy cartoon grimace. Luke is not getting anywhere with his patient, and is trying to put someone's lower in someone else's upper by the time Margie gets her second match. He may not be a good singer, but he's not a great dentist, either.
Mark and Michael seem to have negotiated a taxi to get them back to their bags, and Mark is not happy. "I know he's worried about his bags," Mark says passive-aggressively to the window. "It's not about bags, I'd rather give up those bags and finish this leg. You'd rather be eliminated and take your clothes home... you don't want the million dollars, you just want to play." Oh, Mark. It doesn't matter what you do right now, you're never going to win the million dollars anyway. That has been clear for some time. You know, when they came on the race, they clearly had something to prove, which was that despite being less than 5 feet tall, they could be as strong and as fast as anybody else. But there's more to this Race than being strong and fast, as demonstrated by the Race's rich history of strong and fast teams who never made it to the Finish Line because they just weren't all that bright.
Back from a tense commercial break, Michael challenges Mark to say they can do the whole race in these clothes. "Why not?" Mark snaps. Well, in case they ever return to the Northern Hemisphere? "I got important stuff in that bag that's not replaceable," Michael says. Mark says he shouldn't. What they do agree on is they're "messed up."
At the "dentist," Margie gets a third ("ding!") and fourth ("ding!") match, so Luke throws up his hands on the person he's working on and lets her step in. She talks about how her nursing background made it easier to "be in someone's personal space." Seems like her nursing background might also have been able to help her avoid heat stroke, but maybe that's just me. But she's got their fifth set of teeth in place ("ding!"). Now it's off to the Pit Stop, Phya Thai Palace. Standing to an outdoor altar, Phil simply says, "The last team to check in here may be eliminated." Luke and Margie get their cab. "I think I fit them all," Margie chuckles at Luke. Now they can start calling her the bionic dentist.
Back to Kisha|Jen's van. In a post-leg interview, Jen says, "My first question was, are those transvestites?" And the soundtrack goes, "Ding!" Hilarious. "My question was, why do they wear so much makeup? Third question is, why are we in a party taxi with three transvestites?" Must have been nice to have something take her mind off her missing cash and passports, at least. The cheerleaders are also having a great time -- or at least Cara is, while Jaime may simply be swallowing her annoyance at having to sing Thai lyrics -- and Tammy interviews that their traveling companions were a lot of fun. Shot of their scariest specimen, as Victor says, "They set the bar very high, so we put a lot of energy into it." And they're going to have that song stuck in their heads until the Finish Line.
Margie and Luke reach the palace and find Gate 5, also marked with an Amazing Flag. As they run onto the grounds, Luke says, "Mom, let's drop our bags now." They ditch their packs on the grass, and run the rest of the way to where Phil is waiting to a guy in a white tunic with a green parrot on his shoulder. "I'm not going to faint today," Margie says. "Hellaaw!" the parrot caws, and the local tells them, "Welcome to Bangkok, Thailand." Two greeters -- awesome. Phil signs/says that they are team number one, and as they jump up and down and hug, he adds, "Congratulations," with his hands clasped together in front of his face. Looks like someone learned a new sign. You suppose he also learned "Your mother is dying of heatstroke," just in case? He tells them that they've won a "sensational" trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico. I hope the cheesy accent he said "Puerto Rico" in wasn't for Luke's benefit. Phil says that Margie looks a lot better than yesterday. Well, for one thing, she's vertical.
Kisha and Jen are the first to finish the karaoke Detour, and as they get their clue sending them to the Pit Stop, their subtitle reading "Currently in 2nd Place" is a cruel irony. Good thing they can't actually read them like on The Electric Company.They run off to find the taxi that was supposed to follow them, but it's not around. "That's fine with me, I ain't gotta pay him," Jen says as they give up the brief search. Rather than going back for their stuff, Kisha wants to go straight to the Pit Stop. They jump into a yellow cab and ask the driver to take them somewhere without money. When he says no, they hop right back out again. "'Kay, goodbye," Jen says rather shortly, and they start hoofing it again. I think it's somehow perversely admirable that the member of their team who is willing to put off getting their stuff is the one who's having to walk around Bangkok barefoot.
The Cheerleaders finish in third, and ask the first cabbie they see about the Thai Palace, only to learn that he doesn't know it. On to the cab. As Tammy and Victor reach the end of their karaoke course, Tammy says, "Aaaand I just saw Kisha and Jennifer running barefoot down the street." They get their clue and run for a taxi -- literally, Tammy runs up to one that's still moving. "Good job, Tammy," Victor says. Yes, good job not getting killed. Team Go Team sees them go, and Jaime decides she and Cara should just jump in the cab they see and follow them. Victor comments on how surprised he is that they caught up with the cheerleaders, who left the Road Block much earlier. Don't tell that to Jaime, or she'll go back and twist their cab driver's head off. When she's done with her current one, that is. "We have the meekest driver on the planet Earth right now," she bitches. Wisely, Cara just consults their map.
Jen approaches a cabbie and asks, first if he knows where the place is, and second if he can take them there for free. "You no have money?" he asks, and agrees to help them. As they ride to the Pit Stop, Jen says they'll worry about the rest of their stuff later. "I'm not too worried about my clothes that are there, I'm just worried about my passport." Yes, I would think that most of their Racing wardrobe could be replaced easily enough at the University of Louisville student bookstore.
Way back at the Road Block drop-off point, the Stuntmen are just arriving, and are surprised to se that there are two cabs still waiting there. Thai cabbies must be the most patient in the world. Although I don't see Margie and Luke's taxi there, even though he was still waiting when we saw Cara and Jaime return for their stuff. They must have told him that Margie|Luke no longer required their services, or Jaime simply yelled at him until he went away. Mark pays their new cabbie his four hundred baht (about eleven bucks and change, base on today's exchange rate), and they get in their original cab to return to Chinatown.
Victor and Tammy have their driver stop for directions. Behind them, Team Go Team's driver also stops, but when he confirms where he's going, they tell him to leave without sharing with Victor and Tammy's driver. "Hopefully he knows we're not friends during the race," Jaime says. Out of all the obnoxious things Cara has had to listen to Jaime say, it's this one that causes her to roll her eyes. But Jamie actually has a point, even if Victor hadn't done it to them a few legs ago. Which he did. So now there are three taxis on the way to the Pit Stop.
Meanwhile, in a traffic jam somewhere, Mark is waxing philosophical about how you can't change the past. But having their old cab back helps. "We got our stuff to bargain with if we don't have enough money, and we'll see what happens." By the way, their taxi's meter's currently reading 759 baht, or about $21.45. That's a good-sized dent in the money they got for the leg, and we already know from Krasnoyarsk that these two aren't great savers.
Team Go Team reaches the palace, and ditch their bags even before sprinting onto the grounds. Phil tells them they're team number two, and then clearly wishes he could back away while they jump up and down and scream like idiots.
Tammy and Victor once again stop for directions, but when they spot Kisha and Jen's cab behind them, it becomes a footrace to the palace, which fortunately appears to be nearby. The person around the corner is Jen, followed by Kisha, who beat team Family Law by seconds despite being barefoot. Mommy'll be so proud. "It's okay, we're here," Jen says as Tammy and Victor join them on the mat. After they're welcomed to Bangkok, Phil tells Kisha and Jen that they're the third team to arrive and Tammy and Victor that they're the fourth team to arrive. But look out, here comes the "However." "Kisha and Jen, you have left your travel documents back at the Road Block, is that right?" They confirm it. "You're not going to be able to leave Thailand to go to another destination if you do not have your travel documents," Phil duhs, "so I cannot check you in at this point." Jen's chin has all but disappeared and Kisha looks around in wall-eyed horror as the ads hit.
After a replay of that awkward moment (this time including a shot of their Amazing Purse, in living color within a B&W flashback), Victor and Tammy tell them to "run like hell," because there's still another team behind them. Easy for them to say. Off go Kisha and Jen, as Tammy and Victor officially become Team Number Three. Or, to put it another way, the last team to arrive who didn't have to cross the city twice because they left their bags behind.
Out on the street, Kisha asks a driver, "Do you know where this is?" "No problem," he answers, and they dive inside. As they start the long ride back, Kisha says they had the mistaken assumption that "If you take a boat somewhere we have to bring it back." Even in a city where canals are used for transportation? By that logic, everyone should just stuff their backpacks in a locker at the airport and pick them up when they fly back out.
Mark and Michael have reached the parking lot for the Broken Record task, and Michael unpacks the trunk, leaving Mark to negotiate with the driver, who they can't fully pay. In pidgin English -- although I have to give him credit for not trying to make himself understood by shouting -- Mark offers to give the driver stuff from their bag to cover the gap between the 600 baht he says they have and the 785 on the meter, a difference of about five bucks. Mark gives him a flashlight and a compass, and the driver is satisfied. Oddly, the soundtrack doesn't seem to be; it keeps making that noise like a fencing foil being drawn across the strings of an autoharp. Or, as I've come to think of it, "Michael and Mark's Theme." But at least now they can get on with their rolling karaoke party. "That's easy," Mark sneers. "That's like waking up and putting my clothes on in the morning. It's second nature." Poor choice of words, given that his sleeveless shirt is showing off a fierce farmer's tan. Off they go, singing the whole way. After a brief shot of the sisters returning to their original cab, there's an interview where Michael says, "All I knew is we had to please these crazy local girls. Pretty local girls, I should say." Close up of one of the transvestites with visible sideburns peeking out from under his wig, complete with a reprise of "Michael and Mark's Theme." Mark says that they're in the entertainment business, after all. Uh, okay.
Kisha and Jen find their Amazing Purse still on the dock where they left it, and get back in their original hot-pink cab to return to Thai Palace. "I'm sure Mark and Mickey have checked in, so we'll see what happens when we get there," Indeed we will.
"Mark and Mickey" are just now getting out of their party taxi with their flirty transvestites. They find a cab, and before even getting in, Mark asks about the fare. Upon being told it's 300, he says he only has 200, plus some crap in his bag. Unlike the soundtrack, the cabbie loves that idea, and they have a ride to the Pit Stop.
So now it's a two-way race to the Pit Stop. Kisha philosophizes, "Some things just didn't work out, so we're headed to the Pit Stop now. We'll learn our fate and deal with things then. We're not ones to get really worked up, 'cause it's not going to change what's going to happen." She should speak for herself, because Jen looks like she wants to kill Kisha with her mind.
Mark talks about how "we rocked it" in the karaoke. Okay, I know he always needs to congratulate themselves after completing a task, but would it have been possible to do it wrong? "Hopefully somebody stumbled worse than we did," he adds. Solid strategy, to count on that in the eighth leg of this race.
"I never thought that I would have a day like this at all," Jen says. "It's unbelievable." Meanwhile, Kisha is calmly applying some Carmex and saying, "Never leave your fanny pack. You never know what's ahead." Well at least they've learned something.
Mark and Michael get dropped off, and Mark gives their cabbie the money he has plus some item of jewelry. "Very expensive, lots of money," he claims. Ignoring the ominous soundtrack, the cabbie shakes their hands and goes away happy, and then the Stuntmen are running onto the grounds and onto the mat with their packs. The Amazing Editors didn't even try to make that a suspenseful ending, and we're about to find out why. "Mark and Michael, you're the fourth team to arrive," Phil says. They hug and giggle, once again missing Phil's subtle verbal cues. Because here comes another dreaded "However." "I understand that you broke a Race rule?" They look up at him in confusion and not a little bit of what now? Even I don't know what Phil's talking about. "By using your personal possessions to settle a bill? Is that correct?" he asks. They admit it. Wow, even I didn't know that was a rule, and I clearly know more about the rules of this Race than Michael and Mark do. Phil tells them that's a two-hour penalty. Whoa, really? Seriously? Now, the Stuntmen aren't my favorite team, and I wouldn't have minded seeing them go a long time ago, but this just seems arbitrary and punitive. How is paying a bill with possessions four times worse than interfering with other teams, or missing the rule about not being led to a clue box, like they did last week? What's more, since they did it twice, Phil tells them they have a total penalty of four hours, starting right now. So go sit over there. He can't even give them a book or something? As they trudge away from the mat, they don't think much of their chances of surviving this. I'm not normally in the mood to defend the Stuntmen, but this right here? Is bullshit.
They're still lounging on the grass not thirty feet away when the sisters finally make it to the mat. "Kisha and Jen?" Phil says. "We're the last team to arrive," Jen finishes. Somehow, Phil resists the temptation to agree with her followed by a "However." Instead, he simply says, "You're actually the fourth team to arrive." Jen covers her face in her hands and stands there crying roughly forever. Since she's clearly useless for a mat interview in this state, Phil asks Kisha if she thought they were out, and she says they did. In a post-leg interview, Jen talks about leaving their fate up to God and says, "Okay, we're meant to be here."
Mark and Michael still have three hours and ten minutes on the clock when Phil calls them over to check in. Looking sternly down at them as they stand on the mat, he tells them they're the last team to arrive. "The good news is, this is a non-elimination leg and you are still in the Race." Of course, it's never a non-elimination leg when it's one of my favorite teams. But at least I'm glad to see that bullshit penalty isn't what knocked them out. "But there is a lot of bad news," Phil warns. To start with, the remainder of their penalty will be added to their start time for the leg, meaning they'll be leaving more than three hours behind Kisha and Jen. That might even be enough to cause them to miss a flight out, at least in seasons. And on top of that, there's the Speed Bump they'll have to do during the leg. "Long way back, guys," he says. Michael has made use of their penalty time to come up with a self-serving spin for this to try out of Phil: "We put ourselves in a situation and the only way we were going to get back was to take care of the people. In the land of Buddha, I don't want to create bad karma." Phil just glares at him like, "Sell that crap elsewhere, please."
In their post-leg interview, Michael admits that they've "made some poor decisions." So they have to stay levelheaded and not panic. "We have two major obstacles in this leg...but we're not the type of guys who give up." Mark adds, "As long as my name and his name is on a Pit Start, we're in the game. We're gonna play it. Play it to the best of our ability." Can you imagine how obnoxious they'll be if they actually do find some way to win this thing after racking up five hours' worth of penalties? I'm not sure I want to think about that.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what the Race would have been like 60 years ago in No Prior Knowledge!
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter (mgiant), or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com