In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
The race stays in Delhi for another leg, and at a Road Block that takes place at a raucous dye fight, Team Divorced once again fail to RTFC and then have to try to catch a cab while looking like they just walked out of a scrambled cable channel. Then it's off to a Detour that's a choice between examining power lines and crushing chili peppers.
Terence and Sarah are the only ones to pick the chilies, which they quickly regret (see episode title). Dallas|Toni and Nick|Starr team up for the power line task, and the Siblings end up winning their fourth leg. The Frat Boys and the divorcees totally brick that same Detour, allowing Ken|Tina to pass them up, even though the separated couple had to do a Speed Bump that required them to serve water to temple-goers and then direct traffic to clear a path back to the race.
And after all this, they still extend a helping hand to the Frat Boys on their way out. That saves the Frat Boys from elimination, which means the race is over for Kelly and Christy. But I'm sure that when they return to their daily lives they'll continue to be best friends and rely on each other and insistently not read instructions.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Only six teams left. It would have been five, but someone finally remembered that non-elimination legs are supposed to happen.
A cymbal crash drops us smack into New Delhi again, specifically Baha'i House. "Once a lavish home for a wealthy businessman, it's now the national headquarters of the Baha'i faith," Phil informs us. "And it's now the sixth Pit Stop in a race around the world." The Siblings, Nick and Starr, are going to be leaving first, at 8:55 a.m., since they checked in at 8:55 p.m. at the end of the leg. I had assumed it was later than that, but then I always do. It's a sunny morning as they stand out on the lawn to rip their clue, and Starr's wearing her hair down for the first time since, like, the opening credits. Nick's also got a little extra hair-shelf going on in front. Perhaps this is what happens when people get to leave for the day at a decent hour.
For once they're not headed to the airport, probably because the Amazing Yellow Line has checked into a rehab facility for exhaustion and dehydration. Phil says that the teams have to "make their way through the congested streets of Delhi" to Deshbandu Apartments, which is a sprawling complex of multiple buildings with a "park" in the middle of it. It's a park in the Delhi sense, meaning that it's more like a bare -- if brightly colored for some reason -- courtyard, but whatever. At least there's a clue box waiting there for them. Nick and Starr interview that other teams might think they're sneaky or something, but, as they put it, "We're just playing a game." I don't know why they're even worried about it; nobody else has really even noticed, except Kelly and Christy, whom everyone else assumes are idiots. I think the Siblings are giving the other teams a little too much credit. And given that only one other team has won so much as a single leg of this entire season to date, that seems like it would be hard to do. In the cab, Nick cops to a strategy he calls "little white lies." And again, I really don't think anyone has noticed who isn't either behind a camera or constantly reading clues wrong.
Kelly and Christy are leaving at 9:02, and they've both got their hair down. Does Baha'i House have a hair salon in it or something? All this tonsorial grandeur this late in the race is a little off-putting. As they head out, Christy interviews that they've "migrated from the back of the pack to the front of the pack." I wouldn't call it a "migration" so much as a "fluke." In the cab, Christy is already putting her hair up. "I don't think that in India, hair down is gonna work," she says. Well, that didn't last long. But then again, neither will their high ranking.
Toni and Dallas are leaving at 9:10. Toni interviews about her relationship with Dallas: "He's always gonna be my baby but I have learned to trust him far more than I ever did before." Someone's getting a later curfew when they get home.
Terence and Sarah leave at 9:31. In a pre-departure interview, Sarah talks about the added layer of complexity that results from racing with a romantic partner. As opposed to all the other teams who are racing with strangers. "We still yell at each other and we wish we wouldn't," she says, while Terence sits there with a blank expression that makes me wonder if he's thinking, Speak for yourself. In the cab on the highway, they spot a family of five on a motorcycle. Yes, you read that right. Dad's driving, Mom's riding sidesaddle on the back with a baby in her lap, junior's on the fuel tank, and if you pause at the right time you can see the foot of a third child who's wedged between mom and dad. Certain circles of the internet might refer to this configuration as a SAFETY FAIL. It kind of freaks Terence and Sarah out, especially when their tailgating cabdriver gets way too close behind the overladen motorcycle. "I'm not gonna watch us kill the happy family," Terence chuckles. He prefers to kill joy directly, not just manifestations of it.
Kelly and Christy are playing "Death Is Not an Option," using Dan and Andrew, who we see waiting patiently to rip their clue at the Pit Stop and looking like nobody's idea of a smorgasbord of sex. Kelly picks Andrew, because of his big fro. Christy realizes that leaves her to make out with Dan. This is all so grade school, right down to the nutty giggling, but then Christy accidentally says something astute: "He'd, like, get up from the kiss and start pacing." By the way, Dan is currently pacing at the Pit Stop.
Andrew and Dan are leaving at 9:44, and reveal that the cash allowance for this leg is a princely 21 dollars. Andrew interviews, "Dan and I possess awesome strengths, but our strengths are, like, on such opposite sides of the spectrum." And completely useless if not totally invisible in the Amazing Race, as far as I can tell. In the cab, they talk about the importance of keeping Ken and Tina behind them. Good luck with that.
Ken and Tina are out of there at 9:51. Seven minutes behind the team ahead of them is not a huge deficit, especially when you take into account the fact that the team ahead of them is the Frat Boys. Ken interviews that they had a rough last leg, but adds, "I don't think anybody is ever successful unless they've overcome great challenges. So it's another challenge for us, both in the race and in our relationship." Oh, thanks for clarifying that. In the cab, he encourages Tina by saying that they'll have a great day and get back in it. Which is quite possible, since all that has to happen is for the Frat Boys and/or Team Divorced to fuck up royally. Anybody want odds on that?
Nick and Starr's cab is pulling up to Gate 4 at Deshbandu Apartments, and they ask their driver to wait for them as they run in. That park is quite a colorful scene -- "Lit'rally," as Phil might say. In fact, there's a giant pink-and-green cloud filling the whole courtyard, with people running around inside it throwing handfuls of brightly colored powder at each other. Nick and Starr take in this bizarre scene while reaching into the clue box, as he wonders, "What the hell are they playing with?" The clue question is, "Who's ready for a colorful experience?" Well, you knew that was coming.
Phil tells us that this is something called the Holi Festival. As he explains this, it's happening in the background behind him, although his baby blue shirt and jeans remain pristine, as always. What the Road Blocker will have to do is get to one of three ladders placed around the courtyard, while attempting to dodge the crowds of people who will be throwing dye powder at them and shooting them with water cannons. Atop each ladder is a circular clothes rack hung with hundreds of different-colored envelopes. The vast majority of these are duds marked "Try Again," but each player will need to find one of six labeled "The Amazing Race." That's the one that will contain their clue. Does that seem really complicated to you? If so, maybe you should go back and read this paragraph again until you're sure you're clear on it, Kelly and Christy.
Starr is going to be doing this one for the Siblings. She runs through the crowd, which seems to be largely ignoring her until she reaches one of the ladders. But the ladder's not high enough to put her out of range, and she can't exactly be a moving target when she's on top of it. She narrates how difficult it was as we watch her flipping through reams of hanging envelopes. Wait until she sees how the teams who come after her do.
Kelly and Christy's driver gets out of their cab. "What'cha doin'?" they ask, and then decide that he's asking for directions. I don't suppose he finds them so obnoxious that he's decided to go get himself another taxi to drive?
Starr finds the right envelope, jumps off her ladder, and runs back to Nick largely unmolested. She's somewhat besmirched, but compared to what's going to happen to the teams that follow her, she looks like she hasn't been through anything messier than changing the toner cartridges on a color printer during a minor earthquake. But on to their new clue, which tells them that they have to go to Old Delhi, specifically Charity Birds Hospital. Yes, that's a hospital for birds. Their clue is waiting there, in one of the cages. Before heading out, Nick takes the time to try to clean Starr off a little. While she's warning him not to smear her makeup (heh), someone comes up and pushes a handful of pink dye powder into Nick's face. "Oh, man!" he says. After that, they don't feel like hanging out much longer. He sees the humor by the time they get in the cab, though, remarking that he got it worse than she did. Yeah, most of the racers sitting out this Road Block won't exactly get to sit it out, if you know what I mean.
Toni and Dallas arrive at the Road Block in second place, and Dallas is taking this one. Clearly, after Starr's departure, the producers told the locals not to go so easy on the racers, because Dallas has to run a multicolored gauntlet of people who converge on him to throw drifts of dye powder directly into his face. Dye powder makes a surprisingly effective short-range weapon, as it turns out; you can hold a fairly large amount in your hand, and when you throw it, it explodes into a thick cloud of solid color. By the time the cloud disperses, your target has already run through it and is therefore wearing most of it. All of which looks absolutely fantastic on TV.
Kelly and Christy are in their first travelogue portion of the episode. "Not a nice area," one of them says of the neighborhood their taxi is taking them through. And apparently it smells bad, too. The area, that is.
While Dallas is doing the Road Block, Toni can't even see him through the thick clouds of multihued dust hanging in the air. He finds the clue and runs back to her, almost completely pink. Toni seems to have escaped any damage. She's one of the few.
Kelly and Christy are just arriving, having dropped one place in the rankings already. Only three to go. They briefly debate whether to keep their cab driver, and decide to cut him loose because he didn't know how to get there. "We'll find another one," they confidently agree. Remember that. Kelly is going to be doing this one, and if Dallas had to deal with a rainbow burst, she runs into a veritable fireworks display. First comes the dye, then the water, with artillery noises on the soundtrack and everything, until she's completely disoriented and ends up running back to Christy asking for a drink. She's soaked and almost completely black, with bright spots of color here and there so that she looks like one of those deli menu boards, but with Rorschach blots on it instead of today's specials. Christy feels bad for her while she recovers. What I like about this is that for the first time in the entire race, they're not wearing matching outfits any more.
Terence and Sarah arrive outside, as Kelly's getting ready to go back in there, now with a hat, sunglasses, and a bandanna over her lower face. But get this: Christy instructs, "Pull one envelope at a time." No, no, no! Idiots! Read the fucking clue! I want to pull for them but they make it so impossible. Kelly runs in and actually reaches a ladder this time. As we see her climb it, grab one envelope at random, and run it back to Christy, she narrates after the fact (with Christy mysteriously looking rather pink to her) that she thought this was what she was supposed to do. So of course she gets back to Christy waiting at the clue box, and they open an empty envelope. Well, head on back in there, dumb-ass.
Kelly's rather a frightening sight for the just-arriving Terence and Sarah, as they realize that one of them is probably going to come out of it looking like this. The difference is that they will not then run back in. Sarah encourages Terence to do it, and he reluctantly agrees, but not without his usual ritual of demanding validation. "Who's my girl?" he asks. "You are," she says, and kisses him. "No, I am!" she corrects. I think she had it right the first time. She hollers encouragement after him as he runs full-speed into the fray. He quickly reaches a ladder, while Kelly comes back with a wrong envelope again. While Terence is still looking for a right envelope, Kelly has returned to Christy with her third empty one. The lens on the camera following her looks like it's been through a war, or, at the very least, a warranty-voiding event. Meanwhile, Terence finds the right envelope and heads back to Sarah.
Outside, Dan and Andrew are asking their cabbie to wait. "It's Dandrew," say Team Divorced as the Frat Boys enter the park. Terence sprints through the park, roughly pushing past people on his way back to Sarah. Seriously, he nearly knocks over a dude who's only crime was standing in a space Terence wanted to run through. You know how in the movies, the good guy runs through crowds, trying to weave through the innocent bystanders, while the bad guys pursuing him seem to go out of their way to flatten people? I think we just got the final ruling on whether Terence is a good guy or a bad guy. Anyway, they read their clue and get ready to leave, while Christy and Kelly are amazed at how quickly they finished. Two places down, two to go. "Are we doin' something wrong?" one of them asks. Almost always, but as usual, they don't carry the thought any further. As Terence and Sarah go back to their cab, she tells him, "You did awesome." "I know," he grumps back. I have to say, the red dye covering his skin really brings out his Satan.
And Kelly runs back in yet again. Dan is taking it for the Frat Boys, and he lopes in, doing his best to dodge the stuff flying at him, which isn't so great. He doesn't get it nearly as bad as Kelly, though. Dan describes the scene in an interview: "The Road Block was like a wild rave party, except there weren't any hot blonde girls walking around. It was a sausage fest of guys." Throughout his irreverent little monologue, the music guys throw in a couple of wacky percussion effects: "No he didn't!" "Yes he did!"
In the cab with Sarah, Terence complains about how hard that was, trying to suck powdered color out of his sinuses and then spitting it out the cab window. Sarah, though largely unmarked, is suitably grossed out. I'm kind of surprised she still has the capacity for that. But then, they are "newly dating."
Waiting by the sidelines, Andrew gets hit with some dye dust of his own, although he's a good sport about it. I want to know how he's remaining so consistently stoned on this race. Dan returns with the clue, and Andrew asks, "How'd you get it so quick?" "I'm good," Dan explains as they open their clue. In their cab on the way to the Bird Hospital, they talk about how great it was that they got to pass Team Divorced, and they plan to stay ahead of them from now on. Considering that Kelly and Christy have dropped from second to fifth before the first commercial break, that doesn't seem like it would be too hard for any team other than the Frat Boys. Meanwhile, Team Divorced and their utterly schmutzed camera have just secured another empty envelope. You know how a lot of tasks like this become harder for the trailing teams, because there are fewer of the items they're looking for and more of the items they're not? Kelly and Christy are totally throwing off that calculus here.
Ken and Tina are still in the cab en route to the Road Block, hoping to make up some time.
Kelly runs into the festival again, but with all the crap she's holding over her face for "protection," she can barely see. So she trips and goes down screaming, face first in a fuchsia snowdrift. She limps back to Christy, saying she can't do it. "I'll seriously die," she claims, blowing her nose. Or maybe she means "dye." I'm not sure.
After a commercial break, Christy tells Kelly she can do it for a million dollars. Christy is handling her stressed-out partner very well -- not pushing Kelly too hard, not minimizing the difficulty of the challenge, just not letting her give up, either. Then they hit on the idea of, you know, READING THE CLUE, and now that Kelly knows she's looking for a marked envelope to bring back, she's able to make her return to the madness, knowing this will be her last trip. Christy is yelling encouragement at her, when suddenly some partiers close in on her with water cannons and dye, and she fails to dart out of range. "Crap! That sucks," she says, having been rendered virtually tie-dyed. Finally, Kelly returns with an actual clue, so now all they have to do is find a cab to the Bird Hospital, looking like a couple of demented clowns. How hard can that be?
Ken and Tina are arriving at the Road Block, and quickly decide that Ken's doing it. He pelts into the park like the ex-footballer he is, quickly becoming a human rainbow. Ken climbs his ladder. Outside, Christy's waving cash money around in the air, yelling in all directions for a taxi. "Do we look that bad?" she asks rhetorically. Sometimes this is what it takes for a white person to realize how hard it can be to get a cab for people of color.
Tina's yelling instructions to Ken, telling him to look for the clue. "What do you think I'm looking for?" he yells back from the top of his ladder, and then we hear her yelling, "No! Stop it!" That's because she's been encircled by kids throwing yellow and green dye at her. "Oh, you stupid assholes," she says, all unbleeped during the family hour (football delay notwithstanding). She even pushes a guy, who just laughs at her as though he doesn't hear the shocked musical cue that accompanies potential international incidents on this show. "What a bunch of morons," she mutters as she wipes her face off. Her hair, however, will be a uniform kelly-green for the duration of this leg. Which is ironic, considering how many colors Kelly's hair is right now.
Speaking of whom, Kelly has decided to hail a cab Grand Theft Auto style, running up to a moving taxi and grabbing onto the side. Even so, it drives away as soon as she lets go. Christy's expression of righteous indignation burns through the pink. Or maybe it amplifies it. Hard to tell.
Ken returns to his green-haired wife with the clue, and she rushes him along instead of letting him rinse off, reasonably enough. They get back in their cab as Tina mildly asks him, "How do you like my green hair?" This is the first time a disoriented Ken has noticed it, as Kelly and Christy finally, apologetically, get into a cab. Ken tells Tina he's sorry she got "all messed up," but she's over it already. "I got too close," she says, and he gives her a grateful kiss for trying to help him out. Aw. What a sweet separated-and-hideously-stained couple.
And Kelly and Christy are upset about the way Delhi has treated their multicolored selves. "Nobody would make eye contact," says Kelly. "No, they acted like we didn't exist," Christy agrees. We are Americans! In India! Attention must be paid! Basically, Toni and Sarah were the only ones who got away clean. And Phil, of course. Always Phil.
Nick and Starr have arrived at the Bird Hospital, which requires them to remove their socks and shoes in observance of the fact that they're entering a Jain temple. On their way into the building, they spot the giant Speed Bump sign with Ken and Tina's photo pasted on it. They don't seem too heartbroken on their allies' behalf. Once inside, they find themselves in a narrow hallway lined with cages on each side. Nick interviews that he wasn't clear on whether this was a hospital for birds or a hospital that used birds, but either way he wasn't crazy about walking through it barefoot. The floors look plenty clean to me, but then so do those in a lot of public bathrooms. It doesn't seem to take them too long to find the clue in one of the smaller cages. Their choices are "Bleary Eyed" or "Teary Eyed."
Cue Phil, addressing us from a marketplace as he tells us that this is about "two professions seen on the streets of India." "Bleary Eyed" is accompanied by a shot of a bird's nest tangle of power lines; "Teary Eyed" by a bowl full of crushed chili peppers. I think I can see where this is going. "Bleary Eyed" requires teams to "help the Department of Power" by going to a specific street corner. Amid the hopelessly tangled power lines overhead, which make the space under my desk look positively tidy, are a series of small, numbered tags. Teams will follow along the power lines at street level, looking up and reading the tags hanging from one specific line. Then they'll bring their list to this total ham of a local who's sitting behind a sewing machine on a corner, and he'll check their list. If the list is right, the dude will point them across the street, where they'll make use of some of that power by plugging in a lighted, musical Ganesha statue, whereupon they'll get their clue. "The small numbers are easy to miss among the tangled wires and the many local business advertisements," Phil warns, "but teams with good eyes and the ability to concentrate could find the speed of their success... shocking." Wow, Phil. There's deadpan, and then there's dead-eyed. He did not enjoy having to say that.
Let's hope for better from "Teary Eyed," which, as Phil explains, sends teams to a spice market to fetch two forty-pound sacks of dried chili peppers, which they'll have to schlep a quarter mile on foot to the local shop. There, they'll have to crush them using large mortars and completely phallic-looking pestles until they've filled up a large bowl to the fill line to get their clue. And now Phil has to say, "The task seems straightforward, but close contact with these powerful chilies could be physically painful. And teams betting on brawn over brains could find themselves lit'rally and figuratively... burned." Oh, poor Phil. Back at the Bird Hospital, Nick and Starr decide to do Bleary Eyed.
Toni and Dallas's cab has come to a stop outside the right place, and a crowd of children has gathered around, reaching inside to shake hands and calling out, "Hello! Hello! Hello!" It's all so aggressively friendly. Toni and Dallas get out to walk, Dallas telling the kids, "Come, come, show me, show me."
Nick and Starr hire a bicycle rickshaw to get to the Detour. Since it only has two seats, their crew has to ride on a separate one ahead of them. I assume the fare for both is coming out of Team Divorced's Amazing Purse.
Dallas and Toni's young guide takes them straight to the bird hospital, and gets a high-five as a reward. A five-dollar bill probably would have gone farther. Mother and son quickly find the cage containing the stack of clues, and even more quickly decide on Bleary Eyed. Back out on the street, Dallas quickly taps a different kid -- they're not exactly thin on the ground here -- to show them where to go , and the three of them running along quickly turns into ten or more. "We're running with a whole crew of kids that wanted to help us out," Dallas tells us, "and, uh, I'm just loving it right now." Toni is so moved that she interviews, "This race has given me an opportunity to see the man that Dallas has become. To see the joy in his face, you know, running down the street with those kids, I'm just proud to death of him." I just wish Miss Alli were here to appreciate the side shot we're getting of Dallas's giant arm. Impressive even when pink.
"How do I get this in my nose?" Terence asks Sarah, holding up a water bottle. Hold still, Terence, and let me help. He tries to snort some, and then blows it in the general direction of the window. Again, Sarah is duly grossed out. What, he didn't bring his neti pot? When they reach the Bird Hospital, Sarah suggests they split up the search by rows of locker-sized cages. "These birds are really messed up, babe," Terence observes. "I know, babe, 'cause it's a bird hospital," Sarah responds. She pulls out a guano tray from under one of the cages to examine its contents. For some reason that makes me wonder how she met Terence. He then gets the idea in his head that the clue is hidden underneath the seeds in a large pan on the floor of one of the room-sized cages. He makes her go inside while he shuts the door, and walks her through a whole search procedure in which she has to squat down, root through the seeds with her fingers, and pick up the seed tray with a bird sitting in it. I would be enjoying this a great deal more if they would switch places. Sarah feels bad about disturbing the bird, so Terence says, "Ask it to move." "Honey, can you please move?" she says to the bird. What, she doesn't speak bird, either? My estimation of Sarah's polyglot skills is dropping by the week. She gently picks up the tray so Terence can look underneath; nothing there. Terence finally lets her out of the cage, while the bird is left trying to unruffle its feathers and thinking to itself, Holy crap, does she need to dump that asshole. Guys like that are for us. They do find the clue, and decide to go with Teary-Eyed, probably before reading the entire clue. "This is our strength, let's get physical," Terence says. He probably saw "forty-pound bags" and made up his mind right there. Outside, Sarah convinces Terence to board a bicycle rickshaw, and chants "Go fast, go fast" at the driver in several of the local languages she must have taught herself during the Pit Stop, while Terence freaks out and cringes from the traffic passing inches from his unprotected red hide.
The Frat Boys arrive at the hospital, find their clue, and decide to go with Bleary Eyed before returning to their cab. Ken and Tina are just getting there as well. And in the Team Divorced cab, Kelly has just gotten the idea of sticking their black and pink faces out the window to scare people as they drive by. Their driver does not seem amused.
At the hospital, Ken spots his and Tina's Speed Bump sign, and reaches into the box for their clue as Tina moans, "Oh, shoot," like she didn't know this was coming. At least they briefly get a "Currently in 5th place" subtitle. Phil reminds us that since Ken and Tina were "spared elimination" at the end of the last leg, they now are facing a Speed Bump, "An extra task that only they must complete." In this case, they have to get to a Sikh temple and serve holy water to the crowds on the street. From the way we see a guy sloshing the stuff into plastic cups, this is clearly not the same kind of holy water I remember from my Catholic upbringing. And I certainly don't recall ever being handed a glass of it to quaff. I can only conclude that Catholicism and Sikhism are somehow different from one another. Who knew? Ken and Tina are going to have to pass out tumblers of water to the crowds on the sidewalk until nobody wants any more, and then they can get back to the race. They head back to their taxi, and in the back, Ken says, "It's not looking good, but we will make it better." Positive, yet realistic. I like it.
Team Divorced has finally reached the Bird Hospital, technically not all the way in last place thanks to Ken and Tina's Speed Bump. Yet. They find the clue fairly quickly, it seems. And they did it without attempting to dissect one of the birds so they could look inside it.
The Siblings have arrived at their designated street corner for the Detour, and they zero in on the pole with an Amazing Flag attached to it. From there, they have to start walking along the street, which Starr describes as "pretty crazy." They have to walk along the middle of the lane, dodging motorcycles, pedestrians, and oxcarts, all while keeping an eye on the nightmare snarl of the lines themselves. It looks like a new line has been installed, changed, or replaced every time a new tenant has moved in for the last forty years. Or, to put it another way, how power lines here in the States would look if I were in charge of them.
Toni and Dallas arrive at the end of the street. And as Nick walks along contemplating a veritable cobweb of cables, he says, "There's so many power lines, I don't even know -- forty eight!" Having spotted their first tag, they decide to go back and start over to make sure they haven't missed any. Toni and Dallas are where the Siblings were a minute ago, having trouble negotiating the traffic. Toni even gets a little snippy with Dallas when he nearly gets her run over by an oncoming motorcycle. Not so proud of him in that second, is she? "Dallas and Toni are here," Nick sings to Starr in a tone that conveys both "Our lead is in jeopardy" and "There's your boyfriend." "We just gotta act like we don't know," he advises Starr. And that's what they do. Then Nick quietly calls Starr's attention to a 46 tag, which Dallas spots almost immediately. Nick narrates that they pretended this was the first one they'd seen. Starr suggests that they team up for this, and that's what happens. Won't it get awkward when they go to submit their lists and only one of them is right?
Terence and Sarah have arrived at the market stall for their bags of chilies, which are huge. "I feel like I'm carrying my entire weight on my shoulder," Sarah says. Terence reminds her that they wanted this. Once again, Terence and Sarah are running a more physical race than all of the other teams, not because they are more athletic, but because they are more dumb.
While waiting in traffic, Andrew says, "It's always been we get a Road Block done quick and then we get stuck on a Detour." Dan thinks they should try doing both of them quickly. Does that count as a breakthrough? Only if it happens. So I'm reserving judgment.
Ken and Tina get to the temple, where they put some kind of orange drapes over their heads and start handing out plastic cups of water to anyone who's interested.
En route to the Bleary Eyed Detour, Kelly and Christy's bicycle rickshaw driver is pointing out the sights to them: "Bank of India, built by British 1857." "It's been there a while," Kelly says politely. "American McDonald's." "Okay, thank you." "Central Baptist Church." Christy: "Okay, but hurry, hurry, hurry!" The driver points out that he's just following the rickshaw with the camera. "I know, tell him to hurry," Christy says. I think he had it right the first time, when he was telling Christy she needed to chill. It's not his fault they can't read.
Ken and Tina are really getting into their Speed Bump, passing out water among the seemingly all-male crowd and collecting empty cups. One of the temple workers teaches Tina to pronounce the Punjabi Sikh greeting "Sat Sri Akaal," which she offers to everyone along with the water. Her understanding is that it means "welcome," although my admittedly limited research implies there's a bit more to it than that. Not everyone is accepting water from her, although that might be less because they're not thirsty than because they don't want it from a green lady. Ken is calling out like a carnival barker selling snake tonic, saying, "Goes good with potato chips!" Afterwards, during an interview, he jokes about all the stuff he was yelling. "It was holy water, by the way," Tina nudges him, embarrassed for both of them. "I didn't know that," he shrugs. That must be why he hollers out to a group of devout worshippers, "It's not every day you get served water from the Incredible Hulk!" You know that sound you make when you sort of suck in air between your teeth and your tongue? I'm making it now.
The Siblings and Toni|Dallas are making good progress down the street, calling out numbers. Nick tells them how glad he is that they showed up. "There was no way we were doing this on our own." It's hard to tell if he's being sincere or not.
Terence and Sarah reach their spice shop, and kneel down on mats to get busy with their mortars and pestles. "This is a killer," Sarah says as soon as they begin. "Just keep going, babe," Terence tells her, and then stops to cough and wipe his eyes. He should try putting one up his nose or something. Not that it would help him; it would just entertain me.
The Frat Boys arrive at the Amazing Power Line Pole and begin their search for numbers.
Ken and Tina have either run out of people who want water or have driven them away, so they get handed their clue before Ken can completely wear out their Sat Sri Akaal. They jump back in their cab to head back to the Bird Hospital and rejoin the race, but their cab isn't going anywhere. It's completely gridlocked.
Kelly and Christy's rickshaw driver takes them right to the Amazing Power Line Pole and points it out to them. He starts to get down to help them off, but they want to stay in while he pulls them down the street. Did I mention that the rickshaw they propose to sit in while examining power lines overhead has a feature that I like to call a roof? Whatever, girls, knock yourselves out. I mean that.Ken and Tina are still stuck. That's what they get for getting into the one brand-new taxicab in all of Delhi; its driver is too timid to move aggressively through traffic. "I knew we shouldn't have got on this street and get stuck," Tina says. "Now we're traAAAPPED!" Ken agrees and takes it further: "Now we are done," he says.
"What, you're giving up?" Tina asks, one commercial break later. So Ken hops out, dragging Tina along, so they can direct some traffic and clear a path for their taxi. Ken is, like, physically moving carts and bikes and stuff, while Tina tells him to be respectful. The two of them end up leading a little parade, followed by their cab and a phalanx of motorcycles that had been stuck behind it, all the way to the end of the street, where they go left and hop back in. "Good job," Tina says to Ken. "You're good at clearing traffic." This... has come up before?
At the Bleary Eyed Detour, the two lead teams have reached the end of the street and are now looking for the man with a sewing machine, who is right where he's supposed to be. He bends theatrically over his newspaper as they approach, then peers up at the two lists being held out before them. He waves his fingers between the two lists with a questioning look, and they say they're the same. The tailor lets the suspense build, then breaks into a grin and hands each team a little card, pointing across the street to New India Stationers. So clearly Nick and Starr didn't hold out on them entirely. Toni and Dallas get there and plug in their statue first, and open the clue sending them to the Pit Stop.
"Teams must now make their way through the crowded streets of Delhi," Phil narrates. Just once I'd like to hear about the deserted streets of Delhi, or the placid streets of Delhi, or the intuitive and user-friendly streets of Delhi. And the residents of Delhi might appreciate that as well. These particular crowded streets lead to a place called Humayun's Tomb. "Built in the 16th century by the Mughal Dynasty," Phil educates, "this collection of mausoleums commemorating past emperors is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated." The two lead teams get into cabs, each hoping to be team number one.
Over at the Teary Eyed Detour, Sarah is crushing while complaining, "My nose is on fire, my throat is on fire, my eyes are stinging like crazy." Both of them are regretting opting for this one. Terence asks their host if they're doing okay so far. "Not good," he says. "Crush it more." Sarah sniffily narrates, "I found the shop owner to be not very generous with his evaluation of our peppers, and not very sympathetic to the incredible suffering that he was witnessing." Indeed, he stands over the two Westerners with an evil smile, as though exacting retribution for every one of the wrongs that occurred under British rule.
Dan and Andrew have found their first number: 12. Unfortunately, it's a number on a hanging stall sign, and not the kind of numbered tag they're looking for. They spot a few more, and Dan says, "Just keep walking. We know what to look for now." Those sound suspiciously like famous last words.
From their rickshaw, Kelly and Christy are making the same mistake, spotting some 15s and running with them. Or riding in a rickshaw with them, as the case may be.
We waste little time with Ken and Tina finding their clue at the Bird Hospital. And on the way to the Pit Stop, the two leading teams have run into choking traffic.
Dan and Andrew present their completed (and completely wrong) list of numbers to the man with the sewing machine. He checks carefully, then gives them a thumbs-down. They are, as always whenever this happens to them, completely flummoxed. Up the street, Christy observes with striking cultural sensitivity, "It's not like normal American straight power lines, it's just a big mess." This as she's sitting protected from the sun on a wheeled bench being pulled down the street by an Indian man riding a bicycle.
Ken and Tina are back in their cab, hoping to catch up. Nick and Starr seem to get free of the traffic snarl, and Nick says, "Hopefully we just left Toni and Dallas behind in that actual road block." That does appear to be the case, but not for long.
Sarah and Terence are still struggling along. Terence in particular, still covered in that red dye that's mixing with his own tears and snot, is looking like Bruce Campbell at the end of Evil Dead. Sarah is wishing that another team was there so they could share in the misery. "[They're] breezing through that other fricking Detour and we're, like, suffering here like fools." Don't worry, Sarah -- the other Detour is not currently being breezed through, because the two teams currently working on it are also fools. Andrew and Dan spot a series of advertisements with 15s on them (probably the same ones that caught the eye of Team Divorced), and they continue going down that path, even though the camera keeps picking out the little tags they're supposed to be looking at, complete with ominous music. Kelly and Christy ride up to the sewing machine guy and hop out of their rickshaw to present their list. He gives them a thumbs down and gestures them back down the street. When they protest, he repeats both gestures, more forcefully. He's really kind of awesome, communicating everything without saying a word, but I wouldn't be surprised if he spoke better English than I do.
The taxi race between the two lead teams continues, as we see them both (but separately) arriving at the outer walls surrounding Humayun's Tomb. Once inside the complex, they're going to have to find the tomb of Isa Khan. They're either arriving at different gates or at different times, because they don't appear to see each other. Both teams jog onto the grounds, and a camera zooms in on Phil, waiting behind the mat. Alone.
That's because the greeter for this leg apparently works here, and is hosing down the sparse grass about ten or fifteen yards behind where Phil is standing. Seeing Nick and Starr approaching, Phil turns and calls, "Okay, sir? Sir!" The gardener drops his hose and runs to stand to Phil so he can tell the Siblings (belatedly), "Welcome to India." Phil thanks him and sends him back to his work before telling Nick and Starr that they're team number one, for the third week in a row. This week's prize? A trip for two to Hawaii. "Maybe this one we can take together," Starr says as they hug. I don't know what that's about. Phil remarks, "You look extremely colorful and incredibly immersed in incredible India." They say they're having a great time. Starr interviews that their initial goal on the race was just to not get eliminated first, which I would say they have accomplished. "You're the team to beat right now," Phil tells them. Indeed, they've won four of the seven legs so far. But who's going to beat them? Well, when Phil welcomes Toni and Dallas to the mat in second place, Toni confidently promises, "We'll kick Nick and Starr later." Okay, then!
Back at the Detour, the Frat Boys present their new list to the tailor, saying, "Show me some love." The tailor gives them a disgusted thumbs-down and waves then off. Team Divorced, meanwhile, is once again riding along the street in their rickshaw. They're still doing it wrong, but the rickshaw allows them to do it wrong more quickly. Even worse for them is the fact that Ken and Tina have arrived at the Detour, and Ken quickly spots the right kind of tag with a 43 on it.
Dan and Andrew stand around wondering what to do . In the corner of the foreground, the tailor has put his head down on his sewing machine as though utterly exhausted by them. Join the club. Kelly and Christy arrive back at the corner for a second try, and the Frat Boys decide to hang out and see what happens. While the tailor is checking the women's list, Dan suggests partnering up. Kelly and Christy, not seeing any percentage in alliance between losers, apologetically decline.
Terence and Sarah finally finish up their chilies, and head to the Pit Stop in third place. In the back of the cab, Sarah says, "If somebody said to me right now, put cow manure on your body and it will make you feel better, I would slather myself up right now. That's how much pain I'm feeling." What if I told her to put cow manure on Terence?
Ken and Tina are making good progress on the Detour, while Kelly and Christy are on their third run-through of doing the wrong thing. The Frat Boys spot Ken and Tina, and only one of the teams is happy to see the other. I think you can guess which one. Ken and Tina arrive at the sewing machine man as he's checking Kelly and Christy's numbers for the third time, and like the Frat Boys, Team Divorced isn't happy to see that they've made up their Speed Bump time. Christy takes one of the scraps of cloth from the tailor's worktable and holds it up in what I'm sure she thinks is a subtle attempt to hide their numbers from the other team's view. Tina openly snorts with laughter and assures her, "Don't worry, you guys, we've got our own numbers." Team Divorced gets shot down for the third time, and Tina presents their own list as Kelly and Christy go back for another try, on foot this time. Andrew narrates that it's a three-way race now, and whoever gets last will probably be eliminated. "Let's make sure it isn't us," Dan says, the voice of positivity for once.
While the tailor is checking numbers, Tina is looking closely over his shoulder, until he puts a hand on her shoulder to make her step away. "Why did he push me?" Tina asks Ken. Wisely, he refrains from offering to duel with the sewing machine man in her defense. She thinks it's a bad sign, but when the tailor hands her list back with a severe expression, he suddenly breaks into a luminous, slightly mad smile. And so do I, partly because Ken and Tina just officially passed two other teams at a stroke, but also because this dude is totally entertaining. Ken and Tina head to the shop across the street to plug in their Ganesha, and head out in fourth place. The other two teams are still sucking wind, and it's looking like one of them is going to be out of the race this week. I'm fine with it being either one of them at this point. They've both more than earned it. In fact, if we get rid of both of them, can the Geeks come back?
Finally, Kelly spots a tiny little 46. In an interview, she and Christy talk about what a revelation this was, about "the baby small tags." Could this be the end of the Frat Boys, at long last? Well, on Ken and Tina's way out, they run into the Frat Boys again and report that they're finished. Dan complains to them about how hard this is. He even shows Tina his list, and she realizes that they've been doing it wrong. They even guide them over to the nearest mini-tag, one that reads 13, and point it out to them. Afterwards, Tina interviews that she doesn't know if it was a good decision strategically. "We've helped everyone along the way a little bit. It's just kind of the way we are." And then we see Ken and Tina taking their leave as she says, "You guys owe us!" As we saw in the Salvador airport, that's also kind of the way she is. For the Frat Boys' part, Andrew interviews, "When you're just, like, sweet dudes like us, people, like, want to help you out sometimes." So to reiterate, Tina says she helped the Frat Boys because she is awesome and the Frat Boys say she helped them because the Frat Boys are awesome. Whatever the case, Ken and Tina depart the Detour in a very good mood.
Terence and Sarah arrive at the mat in third, and are happy to be back in the top three.
Now that the Divorcees and the Frat Boys are finally on the right track, the Frat Boys get back to the sewing machine man first, as he puts his newspaper on top of his head. The Frat Boys finally get their thumbs-up and head across the street to plug in their Ganesha, after which they take off in fifth. Kelly and Christy aren't far behind. "You get lots of rupees if you go fast," Dan promises their driver as they get into a cab. The Divorcees break out their stash of wet-wipes in theirs.Phil welcomes Ken and Tina to the mat and tells them they're team number four. He remarks that they must be very proud of each other for staying in the race even with the Speed Bump. Don't get too proud; look at who they had to pass. "We love it, we ain't leaving," Ken says. In an interview, he talks about how well they're working together as a team now. "She's strong when I'm weak and vice versa, and I think that's what a partnership has to be." Can't ask for more than that. My opinion of this team has really evolved over this season. When the race first started, I would have expected them to be the last team I would ever find myself rooting for. Well, except for Terence and Sarah. And Marisa and Brooke. And the Frat Boys, obviously. Not to mention... okay, never mind.
The two last teams seem to be stuck in a traffic jam, and neither of them are too relaxed about it. There's even a shot panning from the Frat Boys' cab back along the line of stopped conveyances, the suggestion being that Kelly and Christy are only a few cars behind. "I don't know how anyone lives here," Christy says. Everyone lives here, Christy. That's exactly the problem. Finally the logjam breaks, with Team Divorced using both The Secret and prayer to try to avoid being in sixth place.
Back to Phil, alone by the mat. And the fifth place team is the Frat Boys. This time the greeter drops his hose in time to beat them to the mat (again, not that that's hard). Phil tells them that they came in second-to-last again, and they're thrilled, as usual. "Big relief," Phil remarks. I assume he means for them. "It was looking really bleak for a long time," Dan admits. And then, by nothing but dumb luck, someone took them by the hand and showed them what to do. I'd actually feel a little bitter on behalf of Team Divorced, who at least figured the problem out on the own, however belatedly, except for the fact that once again they didn't read the goddamn clue back at the Road Block.
And here they are, finally arriving on the mat. Andrew and Dan have been gone long enough that the groundskeeper has gone back to work and has to jog back up to meet them. Phil thanks him again and dismisses him, his greeting duties discharged. And Team Divorced is Philiminated. Timpani and tears are forthcoming. Kelly talks about how badly she and Christy wanted this, and how much they got out of it. Christy is more collected as she talks about how this has only solidified their BFF-hood. In their final interview, Christy talks about all she's done since leaving her ex-husband. "I would have never had this experience had I still been stuck at home ironing sheets for him." Apparently Christy's mistake was getting married in the 1950s. Kelly repeats that they'll always be each other's support system. Perhaps they should look into getting a third member who can read.
week: Andrew is seized by such a blinding, red-mist rage at Dan that he nearly raises his voice.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter (mgiant), or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.
Visit the Amazing Race forums and get our celebrity dream team picks!