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The racers are off to La Paz, Bolivia, where the 12,000-foot altitude becomes a factor. After camping out en masse in the middle of the city, they have to find their clue in the morning paper, which directs them to a hat shop. There they learn about the Detour, which is a choice between forming a band and leading it through the street, and riding wooden bicycles through town. Everyone but the Frat Boys and Belles do the bikes, and nobody makes use of the available U-Turn. But more on that later.
Then it's off to the Road Block, where they have to put on tights, learn how to wrestle women, and do it in front of an audience. Ken, Dallas, and Dan succeed on the first try, so it's a second leg in a row won for Ken and Tina. Most of the other teams have to take more than one crack at it (including the Belles, who end up in fourth. I know!). From there, it's a mad taxi race through town to the Pit Stop, during which Mark and Bill realize they misread their clue. They arrive eighth, and have to wait out a 30-minute time penalty while hoping the last-place Divorcees don't arrive before it's up. But they do, and the Geeks are out. Which really stings for them; the last thing they expected was to get Philiminated by being dumb.
Meanwhile, the Divorcees have decided to feud with Nick and Starr over some kind of silly sports bra-related controversy. Nick and Starr attempt to convince Team Long-Distance to do their dirty work for them at the U-Turn. They not only refuse, but Aja tattles on the siblings to Christy, so the siblings got the PR downside without the benefits of eliminating the team they were after. And thanks to the Geeks' bonehead mistake, the feud is not over.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Nine teams remain, unless you count Ken|Tina and Nick|Starr as one, like Terence insisted last week. Who will be Philiminated ? Two racers, or four?
Phil welcomes us back to the Pit Stop in Fortaleza, informing us that the competition didn't stop during the mandatory 12-hour rest period. For more details, let's let Christy unspool this captivating yarn: "At the last Pit Stop, I was drying my sports bra, and mysteriously enough it had hurled itself off the ledge." Okay, Christy's rack isn't particularly suicide-inducing, so she formed a theory after spotting Starr in the hallway. "Did you push my sports bra off the ledge?" she says she demanded of Starr, in what must be some kind of start-to-title record. Cut to an interview with Starr and Nick, where Starr laughingly says she denied the crime. But Christy remained suspicious. "How does that get us ahead in anything?" Starr asks, reasonably enough, while Nick shakes his head to her. But Christy vows that they're willing to play as dirty as they think Starr is. At her side, Kelly supports her by slapping a fist into her palm. Oh, it's going to be raining women's undies in South America, y'all.
Ken and Tina are leaving the Pit Stop at 12:51 a.m. They've switched to blue for this leg, which is sending them to La Paz, Bolivia. "At twelve thousand feet above sea level," Phil warns, "La Paz could leave teams breathless...literally." Once in La Paz, they have to find a certain statue of Simon Bolivar (I assume that there are more than one in any given Bolivian city, hence the name) in time for the morning paper delivery, and the clue will be hidden in the classifieds of said paper. Tricky! We the viewers get an advance glimpse of the ad, which stands out by virtue of having larger text, being in English, and headed with the phrase "HAT SALE!!" Dead giveaway, right? Ken and Tina begin the leg by sniping at each other over the best direction for them to sprint off to find their cab. Tina interviews that they're still pushing each other's buttons too much, which she says they need to work on. Yes, because that's great TV.
Mark and Bill are leaving one minute later, at 12:52 a.m. In their pre-departure interview, Mark says their strategy is to keep doing what they've been doing. "If we need to take a couple extra seconds to analyze a situation while everybody else just rushes headlong into it, that's paying off time and time again." I'm going to take a couple extra seconds to analyze the dental charts of those words, just so I can identify their bite marks later when they show up on someone's ass. Not saying whose yet.
Terence and Sarah are leaving third, at 1:13 a.m. While leaving the Pit Stop, Sarah somehow emits a noise like a reel-to-reel recorder whose tape is attached to a bungee jumper. She interviews, "I'm realizing that everybody else is out for themselves, so it's not a popularity competition. It's actually us against the other teams." What happened to the love? These two are so confusing. Did they somehow decide that they got mean-girled again at the Pit Stop? In more encouraging news, Terence's hair is looking refreshingly normal. Perhaps he could only carry a week's worth of product in his pack.
Aja and Ty are leaving at 1:14. In an interview, she reminds us that they are a long-distance couple, and that the race has reinforced her feelings for him. And Toni and Dallas leave at 1:15. Dallas (whose hair-product supply seems to be holding out quite nicely, thank you) interviews that the race is about "getting to know each other on a different level." It's difficult to argue that you can really know a person without spending a month sprinting past international landmarks with them. Meanwhile, the first three teams are arriving at the airport and scrambling hither and yon.
Nick and Starr leave at 1:17, and Starr interviews, "You've got to be really careful how you play with the other teams, because you don't want to put a target on your back." Nick nods sagely in agreement, as though he hadn't ostentatiously screwed Andrew during the Road Block last week. In fact, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure they're referring to how other teams need to be careful.
Speaking of targets-on-backs-putting, here are Team Divorced, Kelly and Christy, leaving at 1:18. In their interview, Christy talks about how they handle stress: "We don't get annoyed at each other, we get annoyed at other people and then we laugh about it to each other." Are they trying to sneak into my target demographic?
Frat Boys Dan and Andrew are leaving at 1:22 a.m., with Andrew admitting that while they aren't the most athletic, "I'm satisfied with the way I look. I'm happy with myself. I think I look pretty sexy, so..." Dan just laughs. I'm not sure if Andrew is being serious. If he is, it's the funniest thing either of them has said so far.
And Marisa and Brooke, the Southern Belles, are somehow also leaving at 1:22, at least according to the subtitles. They interview about how they've started "every single leg" (not to give them undue credit, but that would be all two of them) in last place, and how their arrival at a task has become a kind of bellwether for all the other teams that it's time to hurry up, in the sense that they shouldn't be expecting any other teams to be behind them. "I think they underestimate us," says the longer-haired one. Yeah, it's totally unfair to judge a team on their consistently lackluster performance to date.
Aja|Ty, Toni|Dallas, and Nick|Starr are arriving at the airport, as have the Frat Boys, although the Divorcees are still in their cabs, as are the Belles. Must not be any airport drama this leg, because we abruptly jump to the Amazing Yellow Line (and its sometime partner, the Amazing Peach Line), curving westerly across South America to La Paz. Backtracking? This is no way to racearoundtheworld.
Some local color segues into a Bolivian sunset, as the first teams deplane onto the tarmac in darkness. A 1,200 mile flight + dropping behind a time zone = still nighttime when they arrive. Nick takes the time to comment to their camera crew, "The elevation is almost thirteen thousand feet. It's a lot harder to breathe than I thought it would be." On the bright side, at least all of the surrounding floor and ground seems to be at roughly the same altitude, so they don't appear to be in any danger of falling off. But there I go, underestimating the Belles again. Sorry, girls. As the Siblings walk slowly along the concourse with The Geeks, Bill advises, "Breathe deeply, not quickly." He interviews with Mark, "neither of us is in the best of shape. Now it's about endurance at altitude, and we're not really sure how that's gonna work out." The two teams take separate cabs to the statue, which is basically on a wide traffic island in the middle of town. The Geeks are not looking forward to what's shaping up to be an overnight stay. "Curses," Mark says. Nick and Starr arrive first, to find a woman stationed there in traditional garb -- shawl, long skirt, and a type of hat you'll be reading more about later on -- to a large stack of blankets. "It's a campout," they inform the arriving Geeks. Terence and Sarah arrive , followed by Toni|Dallas, Kelly|Christy, Ken|Tina, Marisa|Brooke, and Andrew|Dan. So that's a full enforced bunch, as everyone settles down onto the cold, hard ground for the night. "At least we get to sleep to Simon Bolivar," says one of the Belles, pronouncing the great man's name like he's a boulevard named after Art Garfunkel's former partner.
The sun comes up. Shoes are shined. Snow glistens on a nearby Andean peak. Women make their way down the street. And racers prep themselves for another day of being on TV, applying makeup and dry-shaving as the morning rush hour zooms past them on both sides. Nick takes the Divorcees aside to try and make peace, telling them, "It's not fun to hate each other on the race for no reason whatsoever." Christy says it's not for no reason, as she still suspects Starr of the heinous crime of sports bra defenestration. Nick tells them as politely as he can that he doesn't think she would do that. "We don't care if people like us, really, so..." Kelly snorts at him. Nick's like, "Done and done!" Only politely.
Sarah introduces us to her and Terence's "savior," Ana Maria, a local who has agreed to hang out with her team for the morning. Starr and Tina are making similar overtures to another pair of locals. Like anyone up and in the city this early wouldn't have someplace else to be. Racers' Spidey-senses start tingling (Mark displaying his jaunty knitted cap with "geek." stitched on the brim in Courier font), and a guy in a blue coverall delivers a pair of thick newspaper bundles from the back of a truck. The racers fall upon them, some teams grabbing a copy for each player, since there are clearly more than enough to go around. Somehow it's Dan who finds the clue first: that big ad in the classifieds reading, "HAT SALE!! Make your way to Navaez Hat and Shoe Store near Plaza Murillo and buy a traditional Cholita Hat. Additional information: Please hold on to your Hat!" I have to say, the erratic capitalization did help it blend in. Phil basically reiterates everything the Frat Boys just read, and we get to see what a Cholita Hat is. It's like a taller derby, or a top hat with a rounded top, with a luxuriously deep rain gutter encircling the brim like on a homburg. In fact, their hostess here is wearing one. The Frat Boys are off, and in the cab, Dan makes special note of the "Please hold on to your Hat" instruction. To my surprise, everybody actually will.
Ken and Tina find the ad , and Ken calls out, "Starr and Nick, let's go." Wow, thanks, Mom and Dad. They jump into cabs. Toni and Dallas aren't far behind, followed by Terence and Sarah, who are proceeding on foot. "Everybody found it so quickly," one of the Belles exclaims to the other. Almost as though this were some kind of race. The Geeks have joined up with Terence and Sarah, and they're all debating the merits of bus vs. cab for a bit before being assured by Ana Maria that they can walk. The Geeks fall behind, short of breath. "Mother, did it need to be so high?" Bill complains, quoting Pink Floyd in the process. Well played, sir. The Divorcees are off, and they show off their shiny new clue-reading skills: "Please hold on to your Hats!" they chirp in unison. Aja and Ty go , leaving the Belles to depart last. Again.
Despite having left first, the Frat Boys are hitting a setback in the form of a traffic jam. In other cabs, Dallas is also complaining about the traffic conditions, and Tina is coaching their driver to go into spaces between vehicles that don't seem to exist. And so the Frat Boys decide to abandon their cab when they spot Terence and Sarah on foot. They arrive at the shop at more or less the same time and pick up their hats and their clues. Dan is currently and unfortunately displaying my least favorite feature of the Cholita hat, which is that it is apparently worn perched high on the head, almost like a fez with a brim. Who was the genius at Amazing Race, Inc. who decided, "You know what The Amazing Race needs more of? Hats." But on to the clue, which is a Detour.
Phil tells us about the Detour choices, as is his wont. In "Musical March," the teams will have to walk to two plazas that are several blocks apart. At each plaza, musicians are waiting to be dragooned into service and then led to a third plaza, where they'll be swapped for the clue. If we're learning anything this season, it's that there's no dignity in being a musician these days. In "Bumpy Ride," teams have to go to another plaza and choose themselves a pair of "locally crafted bicycles." Phil is being generous when he says "locally crafted," because these things literally look like they were whittled. With axes. Out of tree stumps. They are literally made entirely of rough-hewn wood, including the undersized wheels, which are essentially laminated disks. Lance Armstrong would rather ride Sheryl Crow again than one of these things. Any team electing to ride one will need to navigate using the map attached to the handlebars (actually, it's a handle-log) to reach the same plaza that's the endpoint of "Musical March." Oh, one other thing: "Caution: U-Turn ahead."
For those of us who haven't watched this show in a couple of seasons, Phil explains what a U-Turn is. It allows you to force a team behind you to go back and complete the Detour option they passed up. "Teams can use this power only once during the entire race," Phil adds, "so they need to decide on the best time to use it." As though there are a lot of options. Dan browbeats Andrew into doing "Musical March," "because I'm not a strong bike rider." Oh, that sounds like the kind of remark that is simply rich in backstory. But instead of sharing, they go off in search of band members, Dan reminding Andrew that they have to go on foot as instructed by the clue.
In second place, Terence and Sarah missed that part of the clue, so they're hopping a cab with Ana Maria. Their Cholita is much nicer than Dan's, because it's currently covering Terence's hair.
A breathless pair of Geeks arrives at the clue and choose "Bumpy Ride." They also take a taxi, ignoring the musical cue that cries out, "Don't!" Even their camera swings away from them to point back into the hat shop, probably because it has a shitty poker face. The Belles arrive , followed by Ken and Tina, with the former team choosing the bands and Tina choosing the bikes on her team's behalf. come Team Divorced, also choosing the bikes, as do Aja and Ty. The divorcees set off on foot, congratulating themselves on reading the entire clue for once.
Meanwhile, in Terence and Sarah's (and Ana Maria's) cab, Terence points out the "make your way on foot" portion of the clue to Sarah, and she raises the alarm. While in the Geeks' cab, they're thrilled with the performance of their cabbie. Who they're not supposed to have. Sarah insists on returning to the plaza, but Terence is warning her that it's a mistake to do so. Which tells you right there that it's the right thing to do. "I don't want to curse myself and say we're in first, but I think we're definitely doing well," Mark curses himself. Yeah, we don't normally go to commercial break on such a positive sentiment.
Upon our return, Nick and Starr arrive at the hat shop in eighth place and opt for Bumpy Ride. Same with Toni and Dallas, except replace "eighth" with "ninth." They start walking, there's a replay of Sarah unilaterally redirecting their cab to the hat shop, and Mark and Bill happily arrive first at the plaza with the waiting wood bikes, still blissfully unaware of how much they've screwed themselves. "I think we're in first," one of them remarks, really lubing it up and driving it home.
As for the lagging teams, Starr is fretting about the U-Turn (because Starr wouldn't be Starr without having something to fret about), and Toni is feeling the altitude, breathlessly second-guessing their decision to do the bikes. Dallas tries to keep her positive. Only he's a bit grumpy about it. Must be the altitude. Given their height differential, he's probably feeling it even more than she is.
Sarah is wisely sticking to her new and winning strategy of Not Listening To Terence as they and Ana Maria return to the hat shop and start walking to the bikes, loudly regretting their time- and money-wasting cab ride.
At the bikes, Mark and Bill have donned protective gloves and helmets. What's awesome is that for some reason that is never explained, all the protective gear is festooned with long, black feathers. Geeks in plumage! Except again, I'm not sure they're really geeks, because I don't hear either one of them using the term "Brundlechicken," which is what they look like. They mount their bikes, and go off half-cocked in more than one sense of the phrase. "Oh, this is going to be bad," Bill says as they get rolling down the hill. Mark simply emits a long, shaky vowel sound to demonstrate how the wooden wheels on the cobblestone streets are setting him all a-vibrating from toes to tailfeathers (the ones rising from the crest of his helmet, that is). At least they're going downhill, which is good because these things don't have pedals. It's also bad, because Mark nearly t-bones a passing car at the bottom of the alley, only avoiding a collision because the car gets out of his way before he gets there. This show must have some Amazing Insurance, not to mention some Amazing Legal Waivers.
Other teams are walking, having varying degrees of difficulty with the thin air. Tina in particular wonders how the locals get around, because she's unfamiliar with such concepts as altitude acclimatization and human adaptability. Even her own eyebrows are like, "What? We love it up here. Feels like home." The Frat Boys arrive at the plaza that 's hosting the first group of band members. Basically it's pairs of guys in different-colored dress shirts and white ties, each with a snare or bass drum. Dan snags a couple of guys in blue shirts, and they head off, the drummers playing what sounds like a dirge and pacing themselves appropriately. Andrew does a little dance as he co-leads the band, which doesn't help with Dan's frustration. Way to cement your role as the uptight one, dude.
Marisa and Brooke don't seem to be far behind, saying that they'll do well at this because they're so friendly. I'm sure that makes sense to them. They flag down a pair of redshirts and march off happily.
Mark and Bill cruise along on their tree-cycles, far ahead of Ken|Tina and Terence|Sarah (who have presumably been forced to abandon Ana Maria at the top of the hill). Terence is making vague threats to Sarah about what will happen if she lets Tina beat her. At least he looks less ridiculous with those feathers on his head than he did during the first couple of legs. Back at the top of the hill, Team Divorced is wheeling out while Team Long Distance is still gearing up. An interview reminds us that Kelly and Christy consider Nick and Starr their "archrivals." They head downhill, struggling all the way. Ty and Aja are also having trouble. Ty advises her to use her brakes, and apparently she thinks that means she should slow down by bouncing off the high curb. Finally, Nick and Starr mount their bikes at the top of the hill, he warning her not to wipe out as they try to catch the teams in front of them. Oh, and wiping out is clearly a danger, because Christy has done just that.
Dallas and Toni have arrived at the bikes, but before they get going, he advises her to sit down and catch her breath. In an interview, he says she steps it up when he asks her to, but isn't against letting her have a break once in a while. Yes, sit down and enjoy your hypoxia, Mom.
Mark and Bill cruise through a traffic-free tunnel and arrive at the park where the giant U-TURN sign and box await. They pass it up, because why use it given their giant (if entirely illegitimate) lead? Time to move on to the clue. It tells them (and Phil tells us), that they now have to take an eight-mile taxi ride to a building called Los Titanes Del Ring for their clue. They hop into a cab. "That was bumpy, as advertised," Bill remarks cheerfully, sounding so much like my old bandmate Kraftmatik that I wonder if he's got a guitar stashed in his backpack.
The Frat Boys have arrived at their second plaza full of musicians, and call out a three-piece horn section in blue shirts, trying to hurry them along. Since their primary method of doing so is to have Dan glower at them, it doesn't work as well as you might think.
Meanwhile, Terence and Sarah are following Ken and Tina through that tunnel at frankly terrifying speeds (especially given that Sarah's wearing her helmet around her neck), Terence yelling at Sarah that they're going to get U-Turned. What's that, Terence? Your "I don't need friends" strategy is presenting a possible risk?
Marisa and Brooke find the other three-fifths of their band and proceed on their way. Marisa (at last, we have names! She's the longer-haired one who says "Brooke and I" in the interview, so it's nice to see they can at least tell each other apart) talks about how they kept turning to the band and clapping along, which she thinks sped them up. You mean the Frat Boys' strategy of treating them like millstones wasn't a winner?
On Bumpy Ride, Aja and Ty have caught up to Kelly and Christy along the route. Ty tries to urge Aja along, but she not only demurs, she dismounts her bike to walk alongside it, despite his protests. She interviews that she didn't realize until now how competitive he is. Somewhere behind them, Toni and Dallas are getting frustrated with each other. Hopefully this will get better as they continue coasting downhill and into richer atmosphere.
The Belles, having successfully raised the tempo of both their band and their progress, catch up with the Frat Boys near their destination. There's some confusion, and the Frat Boys end up following the Belles, grouchier than ever. Meanwhile, Ken|Tina and Terence|Sarah are dismounting their bikes nearby. Marisa and Brooke make their rendezvous with the bandleader, and decline to use the U-Turn, just as we see a panicked Terence running up to the box in the background. And then the race becomes truly amazing when we see the words "Marisa & Brooke - Currently in 2nd place" on the screen. The Amazing Editors must have had to dig pretty deep into the pile to find that chyron. Terence and Sarah also pass up the U-Turn, as do Ken and Tina. All three teams taxi up. The Frat Boys arrive, don't U-Turn, and proceed on their grumpy way. I guess I can't blame them, given how efficiently they just dropped from first to fourth.
On the bike route, Team Divorced and Team Long Distance are walking their bikes along, until Aja and Ty remount at the tunnel and pass Kelly and Christy. Also on foot, the Siblings see that they're catching up to the divorcees, and it's a race to the U-Turn as Nick and Starr jump back on their bikes and zoom past. "You're miiiine, Ty and Aja," Nick warns as he and Starr pull up to them at an intersection. Except the vibration of the bike makes Nick sound like he's saying not "miiiine," but "mi~~~~~~~ne." Kind of ruins the effect.
Behind them, Christy again loses control of her bike on a downhill slope, crashes into the curb, jumps it, and nearly takes out an innocent pedestrian on the sidewalk as she slides to a painful halt. Unfortunately, I don't get to learn the Spanish phrase for "What the fuck, crazy wooden-bike-riding chicken-bitch!?" like I've been meaning to. I'll just have to wait for the time that opportunity comes up.
While coasting haphazardly toward the end of the route, Starr begs Aja and Ty to U-Turn Kelly and Christy, promising in turn not to U-Turn them. Back at the crash site, Kelly gasps at the sight of blood on Kelly's leg. At least I assume it's there. I don't have HD or anything, so I can't be sure. Maybe she's bleeding in the Terence sense. The Siblings arrive at the U-Turn box, and Nick announces to the camera, "We do not want to U-Turn anybody." "Are you sure?" Starr asks him. "Kelly and Christy?" Christy remains sprawled on the sidewalk, unaware of how close she is to becoming a bleeding bandleader.
After the ads, we get a replay of Christy's pedestrian-threatening wipeout (no helpfully subtitled cries of "Christ, you splinter-tainted Birdwoman of Alcatraz, keep your goddamn lumberjack-mobile off my Jimmy Choos!" either), and the Siblings agree not to U-Turn Team Divorced, since they might need it later in the race. Ty and Aja do the same, as the Siblings get their clue just ahead of them. After both teams get into their separate cabs, Aja reminds us about Starr's U-Turn request, which they don't seem to have appreciated, let alone honored. The Siblings are occupied with gloating over having passed Kelly and Christy. Who are also not U-Turning anyone. Kelly interviews that they thought they were in last place, even though Dallas and Toni are just about to arrive. Kelly quickly triages Christie's leg (a process that doesn't seem to ascertain much beyond whether it's still there), which allows Dallas and Toni to pull ahead of them in the race for a cab.
And Mark and Bill, "Currently in 1st Place," without an asterisk or anything, are upset that their driver is stopping for gas. So that leaves room for the other teams to do some taxi-jockeying that leaves Ken and Tina the first team to reach the clue box outside Los Titanes Del Ring. "Road Block," she reads.
Phil looks unusually grim as he walks around a pair of wrestling rings in an arena, with wrestlers grappling one another within the ropes behind him. He reminds us that a Road Block is something only one person can perform. "In this Road Block, that person has to set aside all decorum, and fight a girl." Hee.
Fighting Cholitas! In this case, a Cholita is a woman, not a hat. Although the Cholitas are all wearing Cholita hats. But each of them will receive another Cholita hat from an arriving team. This is really more confusing than I intended it to be. Anyway, the person doing the Road Block for each team will choose one of the waiting women, put on a set of wrestling tights, and get "trained" in six wrestling moves in private rings outside the arena. So it's really not so much of a wrestling match as a carefully choreographed routine. Just like real wrestling. When they think they've got it down, they and their Cholita will go into the arena and do the routine in front of the cheering crowd, who I hope at least got a real show after these clowns finished doing their thing. And in a beautifully choreographed moment, Phil is inside one of the rings, walking clear across it toward the camera, seemingly oblivious to the alarmingly large number of Bolivians hurtling through his immediate airspace. "If they mess up at all, they'll have to go back, train again, and fight until they get it right." I wonder how many times it took to get that shot right. Phil doesn't appear to be limping, at least.
Ken is taking this one for their team, completely misinterpreting the "Who's ready to pick a fight?" clue. Inside the packed arena, he goes right past the waiting Cholitas with his hat and starts looking around until Tina points at the stone-faced women arrayed before them and explains, "These are the Cholitas." Needle scratch. Oh well, he's in now.
The Belles arrive , and Brooke says to Marisa, "You're the fighter," as though there's a difference between them. Her reaction isn't too different from Ken's, but for different reasons.
Wearing a red-orange leotard with a yellow lightning-bolt "Z" on the belly that makes him look not unlike Captain Marvel with his shirt on sideways, Ken gets into a training ring with his Cholita, and practice begins. Under the direction of a guy in referee colors, Ken takes a fake kick to the chest, "falls" against the ropes, and leads his "opponent" in a chase around the ring before "flipping" her (with a lot of help from her) and then hurling himself crosswise across her prone body. Isn't this the kind of thing that got him in trouble with Tina in the first place? Arriving at the other practice ring and seeing Ken's training in progress, the Belles are surprised at having caught up with someone. Now who's underestimating them?
The Geeks arrive in third place, and Mark is taking it for them, just as Ken and his Cholita are doing the part of the routine where they turn on the ref and cooperate in flipping him over together. "One more time," the ref says. Meanwhile, Marisa is in her pink tights, and Mark is in his red ones (cutting a less-than-dashing figure with his belt riding up around his ribs), both of them struggling to learn the routine. And Ken is ready to go.
Inside the arena, the announcer whips up the crowd in anticipation of Ken's arrival. I mean, I assume that's what he's doing, since I don't understand much Spanish even when it's not filtered through a crummy PA system. Ken, comes out, working the crowd in a gold lame cape over his tights. "It's so funny to see him in that outfit!" Tina cackles to the camera. She's certainly taking this in the right spirit. The judge blows the whistle to start the match, and Ken and his Cholita execute the routine flawlessly, as a disembodied hand checks off the items on the list. Chest kick! Taunting (running around the ring in a circle and then jumping out between the ropes)! Re-entry (somersaulting back in through the ropes)! Duck & Flip (getting picked up by the knees and dropped flat on your back, then flipping the Cholita and pinning her)! Kicked (letting the referee stomp on your shoulder)! And finally, Slingshot (teaming up with the Cholita to flip the onrushing ref)! Through it all, Tina is watching and laughing, with Brooke and Bill equally entertained at her side. She's ever so proud of her husband, as he gets his clue in the ring and pants, "Travel by taxi to the Pit Stop!"
Phil directs the teams to Mitador El Monticulo. "Overlooking Illimani, one of the highest peaks in South America, this hilltop park is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race." Oh, and the last team to check in may be eliminated. Ken and Tina dash for their cab. She kind of wants to make out with him in the back, but he encourages the driver on. Plenty of time for that later; even more than they think.
En route to the arena, Terence and Sarah have spotted a red-and-yellow flag, and they stop their cabdriver so they can run over to investigate. But all they've done is interrupt a local football game. Nice job, guys. The checkerboard pattern on that flag instead of the usual striped one should have been a tip-off. Aja and Ty's driver is having car trouble, and they consider finding another taxi. And the Frat Boys (Dan now sporting his Cholita hat at a downright Adebisian angle)are hitting traffic, while the Siblings and Toni|Dallas are doing fine. Ty and Aja abandon their cab and hail a new one, not reading too much into the fact that they didn't see any other teams pass them. And Terence and Sarah also bail on their cab due to traffic. There's no way of knowing who will get there , until we see that it's Toni and Dallas, who have made up a whole lot of ground since leaving the tree-cycles and are now in fourth. "Let's make up some serious time here," Dallas says. Obviously he's going to be doing this one for their team.
Terence and Sarah arrive fifth, and she continues to be the Road Block queen for their team. "Vamonooooos!" she hollers as her Cholita leads her off at a dead run. The subtitles read, "Let's go." Which I believe is accurate in meaning, if not tone. Nick's taking it for the Siblings.
Marisa is kind of slow to understand her instructions, but Mark's ready to go. Or at least he says he is; his exhausted, "All right, let's do this" is not confidence-inspiring. In the arena, he starts off strong, but on the re-entry he gets tangled in the ropes, looking momentarily like a skydiving ostrich. He has to start over. Bill grimaces from the sidelines, "It's back to training."
Aja and Ty arrive in seventh, and Ty decides to take it for their team as Dan heads in with Andrew, having decided to trade his Cholita hat for a Cholita lady. And Marisa's ready to give it a shot for real. But when she's in the arena and her Cholita comes rushing at her, expecting to be flipped, Marisa just stands there. The whistle blows, and she has to start over. We get a glimpse of Dallas in his yellow tights, ready to go, and Team Divorced finally arrives, with Kelly taking it instead of the wounded Christy. On the sidelines, Aja takes the opportunity to break some news to Christy: "Starr was trying to get me and Ty to U-Turn you guys." Christy just thanks her for the intel and glares over at Starr, who's too busy fiddling with her luggage straps to realize she just got kneecapped.
Dallas enters his ring, and Toni says that it's just like home as she cheers him on. He succeeds on his first try, and they're off to the pit stop. They made up some time, all right. Last place to second place in a hell of a hurry. Toni can sit and rest whenever she wants, as far as I'm concerned.
Up is Sarah, in blue-gray tights with some kind of varmint on the front. She blows the taunting, pausing inside the ropes instead of slipping through them like she's supposed to. Out in the training rings, Mark is desultorily going through his paces, complaining about the deadly combination of the difficult moves and the altitude. Nick (in red tights that make him look like Burt Ward as Robin) wants to do one more run-through, and Dan (in blue) goes inside and yields his training ring to a waiting Ty (in yellow, with a salamander or something on the front). Mark is by now reduced to sitting and sucking on an oxygen mask. Dude. I don't know if that was provided by the show or the arena, but either way, it's not a good sign for the Geeks.
Dan enters the ring and succeeds on his first try, so it looks like the Frat Boys are about to have their first front-of-pack finish. But then appearances can be deceiving (even if they're usually not, in Dan and Andrew's case). At the arena, Nick and Ty are fighting their Cholitas more or less simultaneously (and successfully), while Mark is still trying to fill his lungs. With five total teams already on their way to the pit stop, Mark finally relinquishes the mask and heads into the arena, where Bill is struggling to keep a smile on his face. Mark enters the ring looking like the poster child for head-rush, but at least this time he gets to "Duck & Flip" before biffing the routine. "That's when I started to worry, Bill understates as we go to commercial.
We return to the Geeks and their growing frustration, before rejoining Ken and Tina in their cab to the Pit Stop. Ken has pulled off his overshirt to reveal that he's still wearing his Captain Marvel tights under his clothes. They run to the mat, where Phil is standing to a lovely young woman who...oh, gosh, where to start? She's wearing a light-colored Cholita hat, which appears to have a red poncho tucked underneath it in back. Atop the hat is an elaborate, umbrella-like assembly of feathers that looks like it was created to detect birdcalls from other galaxies. It's wide enough that Phil is sharing the shade it provides. "Hola! Welcome to Bolivia!" she says to Ken and Tina, who are nice enough not to make any wisecracks about her getup. Fortunately, I am not thus constrained. Phil tells them they're team number one, and they've won a seven-day trip for two to Cabo San Lucas. They thank Phil, and Ken interviews that the relationship is becoming "much more enjoyable." Which is good, since they've got a week in Cabo together somewhere in their future.
Back at the arena, Marisa and Mark are finally wrapping up the Road Block, with her a few seconds ahead. "Let's haul ass," Mark says. In the cab, he says, "It took me three times, but I did it successfully. I am a luchadore." Well, by that logic, I am a plumber. Sarah finishes up the task some time thereafter, and she and Terence rush off, she sparing Christy a quick "Bye" on their way out. Kelly finally enters the ring in yellow and green, as Christy says that she can only hope someone else got really lost. Kelly seems to be doing well so far as her match begins.
Meanwhile, the cabs carrying the Frat Boys and Team Long Distance are running into traffic en route to the Pit Stop, while Starr is encouraging their driver to "rapido" and go "sin trafico." Nick has apparently decided not to waste his breath trying to calm her down any more.
Kelly finishes her match, and the Divorcees finally get their clue, firmly in last place. In the taxi, Kelly frets, "We are fixing to go home." Christy tells her, "Be positive." Kelly just rolls her eyes instead of making the obvious riposte, "I'm positive we're going home." So, points for that. Terence and Sarah's cab appears to be passing the Geeks' in traffic. Just what Mark and Bill need. Oh, and by the way, Toni and Dallas are team number two. Impressive comeback.
The Belles' taxi passes the Siblings' and then the Frat Boys'. Starr wonders why the leading cab appears to be going a different way, and her driver assures her that he's taking a better route. Or at least that's what she hopes he's saying. The Frat Boys get passed again, although it's not entirely clear by whom. It's tough to tell when one team's camera guy is shooting another team's cab. And in the Team Divorce cab far behind, Christy informs Kelly, "Starr asked Aja to U-Turn us." Even Kelly can't quite believe it at first, but then decides to confront Starr when she gets the chance. "We have to not be eliminated," Christy reminds her.
Terence and Sarah's cab somehow gets ahead of the Belles' on the way to the park, and they end up sprinting toward the mat in third place, with the Belles actually running behind them. Phil glances above himself and then over at his greeter, as if to say, "Seriously?" Phil tells Terence and Sarah they're team number three, and then invites the Belles loitering behind them to "come on in." They're thrilled to be in fourth place. As well they should be. I certainly never expected this, and I am on record saying so.
Mark and Bill are just now realizing that they screwed up by taking that cab to the tree-cycles. "When we check in we're going to get hit with a time delay," Mark says, with eerie calmness.
Team Divorced, the beneficiaries of that delay, are saying, "Let's wish bad things on Nick and Starr and good things on us." Both seem to come true, because the Siblings end up in a footrace to the mat against Team Long Distance, and lose. Aja and Ty are team number five, and Nick and Starr are team number six.
That leaves three teams still en route to the Pit Stop. Mark philosophizes, "That's how this game is. One mistake, and it's all over." Yes, one mistake, plus a total lack of coordination, plus a time-consuming episode of respiratory distress. Hardly seems fair, does it? Kelly is in denial: "I still want to see the freakin' world." Andrew and Dan, who have gotten early starts and haven't really screwed up, still end up in seventh place. "Still in the race," Andrew murmurs, looking for the bright side. As Mark and Bill approach in their cab, one of them is regretting not U-Turning anyone when they had the chance. Finally they arrive in eighth place, arm in arm. Phil tells them their ranking. "However," he adds, his eyes crinkling in disappointment, "you took a taxi from the Detour decision point to the bike option of the Detour. For the time gained and for misreading the clue, you have incurred a thirty-minute penalty." They sink down on a nearby park bench as a clock on the screen begins counting down from 30:00.
It's not looking good for them, because the Divorcees are seeing some familiar scenery as their cab approaches the Pit Stop. Kelly vows to "scream obscenities at Starr before I go." With five minutes down, Mark insists that he doesn't want to be out. The clock vanishes as Bill says it's "heartbreaking that missing one little thing might do it." Finally the Divorcees arrive and jog up to the mat, not seeming to notice that they just ran by Mark and Bill, who are still waiting for their penalty to expire. Phil tells them, "You're the last team to arrive," and they wilt. When he says "However..." they react as though to a miracle. He tells them about Mark and Bill's penalty, which they are still waiting out, and Team Divorced is still in the race. They hug each other in extravagant relief. Yay, this means Phil invites the Geeks onto the mat and Philiminates them. The Divorcees react as though the Geeks were just shot before their eyes. These last few seconds have been quite an emotional roller coaster for them, haven't they?
Phil tells the Geeks, "I'm very sad to tell you that." Mark answers, "If we'd lost in a footrace, that's one thing, but the fact that we lost on not reading something right, that just kills me." In their farewell interview, Mark says, "We can't compete physically. We know that. But we can compete mentally. And you'd think that we would read the clue and read it better." Aw, Mark, don't beat yourself up. If you hadn't been so physically hopeless at the Road Block, the time penalty probably wouldn't have even been a factor. So cheer up: your physical weakness clearly played a part. Bill calls The Amazing Race the hardest game he's ever played (way to get one last plug out of him, show), but running it with Mark has been "just a wonderful experience." Mark calls Bill the most dependable guy he knows. "I couldn't have picked a better person to run The Amazing Race with." I am sad to see these guys go. Live long and prosper, Mark and Bill.week: failure to follow directions has had increasingly bad effects on teams, but now it might cause an actual injury, Starr.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com
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