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All eight teams take the same flight from La Paz to Auckland. Airport drama takes the form of an argument between Ty and Aja, which they patch up just in time to blow a tire on a New Zealand motorway. At the harbor, the teams untie a literal Gordian Knot to find a clue and a Fast Forward option. Leading teams Ken|Tina and Dan|Andrew to race for the Fast Forward, a race the Frat Boys lose. Meanwhile, Terence and Sarah arrive first at the Road Block, which requires Terence to match facial tattoos on fiercely screaming Maori warriors before the sun is even up. Then it's off to a hotel rooftop for some long-distance gnome-spotting, which a bunch of teams successfully manage while Ken and Tina take their chopper ride to the Pit Stop, where they meet Phil's dad and win their third leg in a row. Obviously their relationship is going a lot better.
A worse relationship is the one between the Siblings and Team Divorced, as the rivalry continues. At the Detour, a few teams give up on the kiwi-stomping option in favor of assembling and driving sail-powered carts. Starr crashes hers, but insists on finishing with what she thinks is a broken arm. As darkness falls, it's down to Team Long Distance and the Southern Belles racing to finish their separate Detour options. And in the end, it's Marisa and Brooke who have had their last penultimate finish, and a hug from Keoghan, Sr. sends them on their way.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Some nifty focus tricks reintroduce us to La Paz, Bolivia, "the world's highest capital," Phil tells us. We even get a glance at a majestic arch that I don't remember seeing last week. Phil tells us that Kelly and Christy confronted Nick and Starr at the Pit Stop over Starr's request to Aja to U-Turn Team Divorced in the leg. So let's see that confrontation! Well, apparently it didn't happen in front of the cameras, so we have to hear about it after the fact. Christy tells us that she confronted Starr, and Starr tells us that she tried to mend fences, but it didn't work. Well, that was riveting. And you just got to have me tell you about them telling me about it. Pass it on, and we'll see if we can reduce the interest level to a negative amount.
Ken and Tina are leaving at 12:33 in the morning, and Tina is very excited about getting to fly to Auckland, New Zealand. That's 6,900 miles, by the way. Once they get there, they have to drive to Gulf Harbour and untie a literal Gordian Knot. We see one of these knots lying innocently on the dock, an innocuous-looking bundle of rope a little smaller than your head. Somewhere inside it is a clue printed on a slip of paper, fortune-cookie style. Ken and Tina happily run for a taxi. In an interview, Ken tells us that they're really getting along better as of the last leg. Is it uncharitable of me to suggest that their performance in the race is a factor? After winning two out of three legs, I suspect a team composed of John McCain and Osama Bin Laden would be getting along swimmingly.
Toni and Dallas are leaving at 12:59, as Dallas interviews that his mom is seeing him as more of an adult now. Although admitting in the cab that he doesn't know where New Zealand is doesn't really help. "Why did I pay for geography class?" she wonders. Why does anyone pay for geography class when they can just watch this show?
As they approach the El Alto airport, Ken is expecting every counter in the place to be closed. So they go right to an Internet kiosk upon arriving at the terminal, which is indeed all but abandoned at this hour. After some searching online, they conclude that the quickest flight will get them into Auckland at 3:55 the morning. Not too shabby, considering it's already the evening in Auckland by now. So racers can't fly first class, but they can fly back in time?
Terence and Sarah take off from the Pit Stop at 1:04 a.m., equally excited about heading to the N.Z.. And I'm sorry to report that Terence's hair is once again doing its Bellagio fountains thing. That can't be helping his aerodynamics. Marisa and Brooke, the Southern Belles, are off at 1:05, and Team Long Distance, Aja and Ty, leave at 1:06. A race for taxis ensues, as Nick and Starr leave at 1:07. Then it's Andrew and Dan at 1:08. Damn, these teams arrived close together in the last leg. Dan is trying to urge Andrew along, but Andrew isn't appreciating it. Sarah interviews that she and Terence have been getting along better. By way of demonstration, she says to him in the cab, "We need to buy a book on New Zealand." "We'll see," Terence says dismissively. Sarah tries to glare a hole through his temple in the side of his head, or maybe just focus the reflection from her forehead into a laser point. Seriously, Sarah's an attractive lady, but the combination of a high hair bandanna and the bright camera light is not her friend. But then, neither is Terence, so what're you gonna do?
Marisa and Brooke interview about the hidden reserves of strength and resolve they've discovered in themselves. "I wonder if they like blondes in New Zealand," Marisa wonders. Brooke is pretty sure they already have them there. I would also like to give them credit for discovering hidden reserves of dippy remarks that make good episode titles.
In a solo interview, Aja talks about what it's like to be spending every minute with Ty, as opposed to their usual long-distance arrangement. But why tell when you can show? In the cab, she informs him, "I swear, if you say 'bite us in the butt' one more time, I'm going to jump off a cliff." So it's going well, then.
In a joint interview with Nick, Starr, and Starr's boobs, Starr says they're not taking anything personally in terms of anything that's going on with the other teams. "We've been able to grow as adults and form this adult relationship," she adds. Stop talking now please! Thank you.
There's another solo interview, this one with Dan, in which he insists that what we might be seeing as "frustration" is in fact merely "desire." "I often forget that I have an equal opportunity partner," he says. In his own solo interview, Andrew has noticed that too: "This isn't The Dan Show. This is Andrew and Dan on The Amazing Race." And thank God for that. Recapping the latter is bad enough. In the cab, Dan rattles off a barrage of facts about their destination, New Zealand. "I know Phil's from there...I know they're into kiwis..." So it's a small barrage. More like a salvo, really. A very small salvo.
Meanwhile, Terence and Sarah realize the cab they're catching up to on the road contains another team. Pretty impressive how they were able to put that together, considering it's the middle of the night and the other team's camera light is glowing through the taxi windows like a supernova. And so Terence and Sarah pass Toni and Dallas. Their shiny new "Currently in 2nd Place" chyron underscores their happy smooch.
Finally, Kelly and Christy leave in last place, at 1:20 a.m. Which means that at the end of the last leg, Mark and Bill would have had to reach the Pit Stop at 12:50 p.m. or earlier in order to survive their thirty-minute time penalty, which would have put them in second place, which probably wouldn't have happened even if Mark had nailed his wrestling routine on the first try. So obviously that penalty was more of a factor than I had estimated. Sorry, guys. Really, it's not the same without you. Kelly interviews that they like all the other teams on the race. Except for Nick and Starr, obviously. So at least they like a lot more of the teams than most viewers do.
In the terminal, Sarah uses some Spanish to borrow a guy's laptop so they can search for flights. Not something we would have seen in the first season, I'm thinking. That's also true of the compact, superbright LED headlamps half the teams are sporting. Remember when we used to mock teams who wore headlamps? Now I couldn't imagine attempting the race without one. Yes, you can take me away from my job, home, and four-year-old son for a month, make me live out of a backpack, wake me up for the day at 11:30 at night, drop me in one unfamiliar culture after another, and force me to change clothes in airplane bathrooms, but don't make me do it without a headlamp.
Team Long Distance, Toni|Dallas, the Siblings, and the Belles all seem to be arriving at the airport about the same time, and they all get in line for an Internet terminal. "Everybody's here," Ken mildly informs Tina. She looks at the crowd of backpackers that has quietly coalesced behind her and mutters, "Oh, crap." The Frat Boys arrive, and Dan also goes the borrowed-laptop route, which just about blows Andrew away. You know that never would have occurred to him. The thing you know, Marisa and Brooke are looking over Dan's shoulder, writing stuff down. The Frat Boys interview that the team they have bonded with the most is the Belles. We don't hear the Belles back them up on that, of course, which makes me wonder if the full extent of their "bonding" was being twelve rows apart on a flight that was showing Knocked Up as the in-flight movie. Dan claims that it's also to their advantage to keep a weaker team around, which is pretty bold of him considering that "weaker team" blew his and Andrew's doors off in the last Detour. "It doesn't hurt that they're cute, either," Dan finally admits. Yeah, I thought so.
Team Divorced arrives, and makes no secret of looking over everyone's shoulder at their monitors. What's worse is they make no secret of their smugness over it, either. "They did our dirty work for us," Christy gloats. That would be legwork, but whatever. A consensus is forming among all the racers that the 3:55 a.m. flight is the fastest anyone can get to Auckland. But Aja wants to pull Ty away so they can wait in line and do their own thing. "I can't do our own thing when you fight me on everything," he snaps at her, rather unnecessarily. Especially given that they're surrounded by several other teams in a space that's roughly the size of an airplane bathroom. Ty solo-interviews that Aja gets frustrated easily, which leads to mood swings. As they leave the internet café, he sarcastically starts calling her "leader" and "Fidel Castro," which is rather rude. When we see them, they're sitting in a row of chairs with two seats between them, still fighting as Ty accuses her of trying to run a dictatorship and getting attitude when things don't go her way. As opposed to Ty, who is being a total gentleman about everything. Aja gives a solo interview in which she admits as much, which I'm sad to see. Don't back down! I am enjoying the number of solo interviews in this episode, as the race reaches the point where team members start seriously getting on one another's nerves as opposed to just mine. Back in the airport, Aja decides to call a truce, which she does by ordering Ty to give her a hug. The irony does not escape Ty, even as she flops on top of him in his seat.
As the sun comes up, the fact that everyone is on the same flight is good news for the laggards and a frustration to the leaders, as always. Odd how you never see anyone saying, "That lead we started out with was really starting to frustrate me anyway."
This flight is so long the single Amazing Yellow Line traverses not an animated map but an animated globe, in what looks like a trip a third of the way around the planet. That Pacific's a big sucker, ain't it? At the Auckland airport, Terrence and Sarah emerge into the night in first place, followed by Dan|Andrew and Ken|Tina. All three teams quickly find marked Mercedeseseses and head off in search of Gulf Harbor. There's something a little off about these in-car scenes, and it takes me a minute to figure it out: it's that the steering wheels are on the right side of the cars, so the drivers are shot from a different angle. So exotic.
Nick|Starr and Team Divorced run out of the terminal at about the same time, but Kelly and Christy are the ones who get on the road first. The Siblings pretend not to care. I am not convinced. Aja and Ty are off in sixth place, she reminding him to stay on the left side of the road. Toni and Dallas are out in seventh, and the Belles are right behind them in their accustomed last-place spot. In the lead car, Terence is having one of his needy moments, so Sarah fondles him from the back seat. Alas, she does not mess up his hair. Ken passes Andrew, putting the Frats in third. "We're ready for anything," Tina says, looking rather scary due to the low-angle lighting and a general kind of Elsa Lanchester vibe she's putting off right now. Kelly and Christy hang on to their fourth-place ranking, but Nick and Starr are lost and have to stop for directions to the motorway. Meanwhile, Ty takes advantage of Dallas briefly driving on the wrong side of the road and steals their spot. And while getting directions, the Siblings have dropped to seventh place. Fortunately for them, Marisa and Brooke have also stopped for directions, and thus remain in last place. A helpful gas-station employee sends them on their way with a confident, "You can't get lost." Well, the Belles certainly aren't about to shrink from a challenge like that.
Terence and Sarah are still in the lead, but when Sarah wants to go one way and Terence wants to go the other, you know that's about to change because Terence is driving and they're going his way. When Ken|Tina and the Frat Boys both go a different way, Terence to his credit quickly realizes his mistake and asks Sarah, "What do you want me to do?" "Make a u-turn," Sarah instructs calmly, refraining from adding, "ass."
Further back in the pack, Ty and Aja are consolidating their make-up, with Ty talking to nobody about how arguing doesn't help anything. "You're doing a good job driving," Aja offers. Right on cue, there's a bang and the car lurches. No, he didn't run over anything; it's a blown tire. "Don't do this to me now!" Ty implores the shredded rubber on his front passenger-side wheel, after getting out to investigate. Ty says he has never had a flat tire before, so he doesn't have any idea what to do. He shouldn't feel bad, because apparently Dallas doesn't either: "Nothing I could have done there," he claims as he and Toni cruise by them, jumping from sixth to fifth. "Well, there's one team we know we're ahead of," Nick says as they pass Team Long Distance as well. Aja seems to be blaming Ty for this, and he snaps at her, so she goes out into traffic to try and flag down a passing car. Where she is instantly flattened. Not really, but she's not being particularly careful, seemingly relying on the visibility of her red pants to be spotted by motorists. And that's how we leave them. Despite this catastrophe, Brooke and Marisa are still somehow in last. Probably halfway to Wellington by now.
Back from the ads, Aja finally succeeds in flagging down a guy in an SUV, who changes the tire for them while Ty berates himself for being an idiot. And Ken and Tina arrive at the Marina, looking forward to facing the Gordian Knot. The Frat Boys are right behind them, with Terence and Sarah still behind them. The three teams race out onto the maze of docks in pitch blackness, and all three of them seem to find a knot lying patiently on the planks at about the same time. They get to work worrying an end loose, and then it's a race to unravel them to find the narrow slip of paper in the center. The Frat Boys get to it first, and it reads, "Drive yourselves to the summit of Mount Eden."
Phil tells us that would be "one of Auckland's famed dormant volcanoes, and its highest natural point." We see a gorgeous aerial shot of the peak and the closed crater, all clad in a striking bright green. Except of course for the clue box waiting on the rim. Back to Ken and Tina, who have discovered that there's a Fast Forward option. Phil reminds us that this means the first team to complete the Fast Forward (of which there are two in the race) can go straight to the Pit Stop. This Fast Forward will send them to "The tallest structure in the Southern Hemisphere, the Auckland Sky Tower." Which looks a lot like a space needle, only taller. About a fifth of a mile, in fact. And the Fast Forward team will have to climb all the way from the sky deck to the very tippy-top, outside, "and pick up a friend." Dude, is Matt LeBlanc really having that much trouble finding work?
Instead, we're suddenly transported to full daylight, while Phil walks to an entire squadron of Maori warriors in traditional dress (or lack thereof) and face tattoos, chanting and slapping their chests while making extremely scary faces. They're so intimidating they don't really even need weapons. I happen to have just read about this in the book Full Circle by Michael Palin, who describes this challenge ceremony known as the willigi: They thrust their bodies toward me, waving their spears up and down, grunting, chanting, stamping the ground and making frightful faces. Apart from some of the London reviews of my play, I have never encountered quite such a display of naked hostility (or, in this case, semi-naked hostility). Eyes are rolled, tongues extended, mouths stretched in sneers of disgust and loathing that would make a gargoyle look like Julia Roberts. Which pretty much nails it. And now, I have co-written something with a member of Monty Python. I rock! Anyway, Phil tells us that the person doing the Road Block will need to choose one of the red-framed white cards that have Rorschach-like patterns printed on them. Then they have to match the image on the card to the warrior who is wearing it on his face. If the player gets it wrong, the warrior will grab their card and run off with it, forcing the racer to start over. But if they're right, the warrior will give them their clue. And a hongi. But more on that later.
Terence is taking his first Road Block, and he approaches the ranks of screaming, posing, displaying Maoris, who look very grumpy about having to be up this early. There's even a spear-wielding sentry acting all threatening behind the box of tattoo cards. Terence gets to work, crouching down with his little flashlight and headlamp like they won't see him if he just stays low enough. Eventually he thinks he finds a match, but the guy snatches away the card and he has to try again. "Don't get discouraged!" Sarah calls to him over the din, then in the very same breath turns to the camera and wails, "Oh, no," the very picture of discouragement. At least the lights of Auckland are very pretty, laid out far below them.
Four teams are also en route to Mount Eden, and when Ty and Aja find their clue, it's five. "I have the utmost faith in us," he says, in front of a rapidly lightening sky. At the Sky Tower, Ken and Tina have gone as high as the elevator will take them, and a guide is telling Tina that their ladder climb will begin inside the mast. "How far do we have to go on the outside?" she asks. The unspoken answer: given that she'll be about half a mile above Victoria Street in the open air, it's going to be really fucking far.
Terence finds a match. His warrior shakes his hand as he hands over the clue, and presses his nose against Terence's. This would be the hongi, according to Palin. "It's an awfully good use for noses, I think," he writes. Sarah totally disrespects the hongi, shouting, "Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!" As for me, I'm just disappointed that these guys aren't armed so they could do something about Terence's hair. The blade of a maripi waved closely over his head would work wonders for his appearance. But onto their clue, which is sending them to the City Life Hotel in downtown Auckland, to find the clue box waiting on the rooftop. As Terence and Sarah get back in their Mercedes, he's saying, "That was the craziest thing I've ever done!"
As if to mock him for his low standards of craziness, the Amazing Editors take us straight to the Sky Tower, where Ken and Tina are just emerging from the rooftop hatch to the base of the service ladder. It's nearly full daylight for them, either because this is happening later in the morning or because the sun simply rises earlier when you're a mile and a half in the air. They look up the imposing height of the narrow spire they have yet to climb. Tina marvels at the powerful wind at this altitude and wonders, "How much further do we have to go?" "To the red dot at the top," the guide answers, pointing above them to the blinking red beacon that prevents the tower from being hit by AIRPLANES. Tina does some deep breathing. I'm sure the wind is helpful with that.
It's still morning twilight as Kelly and Christy give up on finding a car route up to the peak of Mount Eden and decide to proceed on foot. Genius move, that. Meanwhile, Toni and Dallas are driving in through the gate, and the Siblings are agreeing on how much they'd like to catch up to Team Divorced. "I'd like to see that happen," Nick says. We get a shot of Team Divorced hiking up a steep dirt path, as though to say anything's possible.
At the clue box, the sun is properly up as Dallas nominates his mom to take the Road Block on the basis of the clue: "Who's got an eye for detail?" The sun is fully up as she makes her way through the ranks. Dallas interviews, "When I saw my mom down with those Maori warriors, the only thing I was hoping was please do not eat my mom." She gets it on the first try, and tells her warrior, "You're beautiful!" And they're on their way. "Those warriors were very, very cool." Toni says from the back seat of their car. Obviously, they did not eat her. I'm pretty sure cannibalism hasn't been practiced in this part of Auckland for months.
Terence and Sarah are excited to have found their rooftop. Apparently the clue points them to the rack of binoculars, which they will now have to use for "gnome-spotting." Yes, there are Travelocity gnomes positioned all over the downtown area, in locations visible from this rooftop. And they're "New Zealand wish list activities," Phil says. What, Travelocity has branded the phrase "wish list" now? Whatever. Anyway, each of the teams has to find a gnome and then go pick it up, since it has their clue printed on the bottom. Sarah wants to search systematically, which sends Terence running in the other direction. "You are seriously killing me," she complains as she follows him to the other side of the roof, very much alive. Behind her, their camera swoops up to zoom in on the spire of the Sky Tower.
Dude, nice segue. Ken and Tina are up there somewhere, with her taking the lead and Ken cheering her on from the landing immediately below. They notice the tower swaying in the breeze. I know it's supposed to do that, but that can't be a good feeling. Tina has a minor freak-out, but holds it together quite well. Better than I probably would, in fact, and I'm six-two.
Marisa and Brooke have finally arrived at the marina. Apparently they can't navigate in the dark and had to wait for full morning to locate the place. The fact that they can't find the last knot isn't helping. Of course, their Amazing Cameraman knows right where it is, and keeps shooting right past them to zoom in tight on it. Dude, if I'm ever on the Amazing Race, I hope that when I'm this lost I'll remember to keep an eye on what my camera guy is pointing at. Unfortunately for the Belles, their cameraman has gone back to shooting a pair of idiots. Finally, after an entire commercial break, they find it and go to work. "It's like a puzzle," one of them says.
Kelly and Christy have broken into a jog when Andrew and Dan pull up to them. Dan calls out of his window, "Why are you running? It says, 'drive up to the summit.'" "We decided to walk," comes the answer. "Okay, cool," Dan responds, and then snickers as Andrew drives on ahead. You'd think Team Divorced would be a bit more scrupulous about following the letter of their clues, even if this isn't saving them any time. And back at the marina, the Belles have finally gotten their clue. "Let's just go," one of them says, as though there's any way the Fast Forward could still be an option for them, short of the Sky Tower toppling over and somehow taking out all seven other teams at once.
That's clearly not the case as Tina, encouraged by Ken below her, finally gets her hands on the top rail right below the blinking red beacon at the pinnacle. And who should she find clamped there but a Travelocity gnome? It's attached to the top railing, lying on its back staring up at the stratosphere six inches above its nose in what one might imagine to be frozen terror. Tina doesn't want to let go of the ladder long enough to grab it, so she moves aside to make way for Ken. Ken interviews that the race has shown him the Tina he fell in love with. I admit I was pretty impressed with both of them here. I notice the gnome has its own safety cable, which is probably a wise precaution. I hate to think what that thing could do if it landed on a passing Kiwi thirty miles below. "Hello, Senor gnome!" Ken greets it. "Helleww!" it Brits back at him, sending Ken plummeting to the street in shock. Not really.
Andrew and Christy are taking the Road Block for their respective teams. Christy interviews that the warriors are going to give her nightmares. Unlike Terence, she and Andrew nervously start with the front row rather than wading right into their ranks. Dan keeps yelling unhelpful encouragement at Andrew, but it's Christy who gets her match first. The ladies start the long walk back to their car, which is at least downhill this time. The Siblings, Team Long Distance, and the Belles are still on their way to the hill. Finally Andrew gets a match, and is clearly nervous about having to bump noses with a scary Maori, trying to suck his head down into his shoulders. But once it's over, he gives a loud victory whoop. They appear to get back to their car at about the same time the divorcees get to theirs.
Meanwhile, atop the City Life Hotel, Sarah and Terence have spotted a gnome that looks poised to hang-glide off the top of a neighboring skyscraper. So they'd better hurry. They descend and head off in that direction (Terence: "It's gnome time!"), just as Dallas and Toni are arriving. She rather quickly finds a gnome chilling on a nearby apartment balcony. This reminds me of a story. Last week I was in Florida with Trash and M. Edium, and while we were in the lobby of the resort where we were staying, Trash spotted a Travelocity gnome perched up on the high ledge around the cathedral ceiling. My instant reaction was, "What do we win?" But then we found out that we would have had to find nine more gnomes in other locations around the resort, and lost all interest. Much like what's going to happen here.
Starr gets a match, and her hongi gets edited out so we can instead watch her impatient pee-pee-dance as she chatters, "quick quick quick!" at her warrior before running off with their clue. Ty and Aja arrive, and she's taking it. Belles? Still lost. Andrew and Dan find their bench gnome. And Nick and Starr have already arrived at the rooftop, where Kelly and Christy are still searching for their gnome. To the divorcees' chagrin, Nick finds a gnome kayaking in a wading pool in a park, and he and Starr are out of there.
At Mount Eden, Aja boldly lifts the policeman's cap that one of the warriors is wearing so that she can verify that she has a match. So that's one more Road Block behind them. In the car on the way to City Life Hotel, Ty tells us what a good job she did at staying calm. And Ken and Tina board their chopper to the Pit Stop, enjoying the aerial view as Ken interviews that their relationship is getting better all the time. Dude, there's even a rainbow for them to look at. I admit that I'm starting to pull for these two, if only because doing well seems to help them get along better. But a rainbow is a little over the top. Dial it down a little if you would, God.
"Whose got an eye for detail?" The Belles read, and they agree that Brooke is taking this Road Block. Of course, to do that, she has to get a tattoo card, and the scary warrior behind the box that's holding them is actually keeping her from getting it. I mean, he's not about to use that spear on her or anything, but every time she reaches for the box he lunges forward and screams at her, making her snatch her hand back with a girly squeal. Which is hilarious.
Nick and Starr retrieve their gnome while Team Divorced is still searching. Nick and his gnome gloat in the back seat of their car while Starr drives to Kiwi 360º. Finally, up on the roof, Christy has spotted a gnome, dangling by a rope from "a tree in the park that we looked at four thousand times." Wait just a minute -- whose New Zealand wish list includes lynching?
Brooke gets her match, and a hug and kiss from her warrior. "We're definitely still in the game," one of them says as they drive to the City Life Hotel. Which tells me they were probably half-expecting Phil to come and find them at any moment.
Ty and Aja have commenced their gnome spotting, as Kelly and Christy secure theirs. And Team Long Distance spots their gnome dangling from a little faux hot-air balloon on the roof of a skyscraper a couple of blocks away.
The Fast-Forward chopper comes in for a landing on the aptly named Summerhill, and Ken and Tina hop out and run across the grass to the mat, with her carrying the gnome. The greeter tells them in a local accent, "Hi, I'm Phil's dad." Aww! Ken and Tina are pleased to meet him; almost as pleased as they are to hear that they're team number one. Tina's shriek of joy actually frightens the sheep. They hand over the gnome, and Phil says they've won a trip to Rio di Janeiro during Carnival. The good news: they're three for four. The bad news: I suspect they're going to get really tired of traveling if this keeps up.
Aja and Ty grab their gnome, and the Belles finally arrive at the rooftop to start hunting. It could be the day for them, for all I know.
And Terence and Sarah are the first to arrive at Kiwi 360º, which officially puts them in second place. They dash excitedly for the clue box, but Terence grabs the envelope away from Sarah and says, "Babe, you can't tear the envelopes. You're very bad at it." She just puts her hands on her hips and peers at him like, "Oh, you scamp." The giant kiwi behind them looms over the scene like a big green UFO, and stubbornly fails to fall on Terence.
Here's Phil, to tell us about the Detour options: "A Matter of Time" and "A Matter of Skill." Well, the pros and cons are pretty well stated right there in the names, aren't they? But since they're not all that descriptive, Phil clarifies further. In "A Matter of Time," the teams have to drive to a kiwi orchard, climb into bins full of kiwis, and stomp them with their bare feet until they've produced twelve quarts of juice. Whereupon each player will have to chug a glass of the stuff and hope the bits that get stuck between their teeth are just fruit pulp. "Matter of Skill," on the other hand, sends the teams to something called "Blokart Heaven." There they will have to assemble a pair of Blokarts (pronounced "blow carts"), which are basically sail-powered wagons that they will then have to drive around a small circular track three times. Terence wants to go for the kiwis, even though Sarah stresses about the required volume from the back seat of their car. Close behind them, Toni and Dallas elect the same option. Terence and Sarah arrive first, and they strip to shorts and jump into the big bucket. Clearly this is going to be more difficult than they expected; in addition to having to contend with Sarah's high-pitched squealing, the bottom of the bin appears to be lined with sharp rocks. Presumably this is to help with the kiwi-crushing, but it's a little painful on the feet. Can't be worse than my driveway. Looking at the weak trickle coming out of the spout at the bottom, Sarah worries about how long this is going to take. "Just keep it up," Terence insists. Toni and Dallas arrive, and Terence blusters to them that it's the easiest thing in the world before asking Sarah to reach down into the kiwi pulp and make sure their spout isn't clogged. Because his hands are broken, or something. As Toni and Dallas get to work, Terence is glad to see that their own flow rate has increased. "This is cutting up my feet pretty bad," Dallas complains quietly.
The Belles find a gnome on a nearby rooftop, and the Frat Boys decide to crush kiwis. "We have big feet," says Dan. Terence and Sarah have reached a point where their kiwi juice has become a gusher, but Toni and Dallas are becoming discouraged. "This looked like more fun when Lucy and Ethel did it," Toni says, Well, I've also seen it done less fun, so count your blessings.
Meanwhile, back in Auckland (which is still at least three hours away, as far as I can tell), the Belles get their hands on a gnome. Brooke reads the clue, and Marisa cracks up at the sound of "Te Puke." Well, I guess with no other teams around for them to interact with, they have to make their own fun. And they're still behind Ty and Aja, who appear to be lost en route to Kiwi 360º. I wish they'd hurry up and get there, because I'm getting tired of having to insert that little º sign all the time.Meanwhile, at the kiwis, Terence and Sarah are finishing up, while Toni and Dallas's flow has slowed to a few pathetic green drips. Terence and Sarah both drink their foot-juice, and I have to give credit: those are not small glasses. They're a pint or larger. But Terence and Sarah are soon off to the Pit Stop, with healthy quantities of ectoplasmic slime and toejam sloshing around in their bellies.
For the second time, Phil tells us that the Pit Stop is Summerhill, a thousand-acre sheep farm. But what may happen to the last team to check in there? Oh, right; they may be eliminated. I keep forgetting.
Toni and Dallas are about ready to give up on the kiwi stomping, and they climb out to head for the Blokarts instead. "Oh, it is so much fun," Toni lies to the arriving Frat Boys.
Nick and Starr arrive at the Detour, and as Starr drives them to the orchard, Nick enthuses, "I'm excited to stamp the shit out of a bunch of fruit!" Not. Saying. Anything. Kelly and Christy arrive in their wake and choose the same option, on the theory that it will be "absolutely refreshing." Moments later, the Siblings and the Frat Boys are experiencing the joys of sharp kiwi stomping-bin rocks beneath their naked soles.
Terence and Sarah appear to have arrived at Summerhill fairly quickly. They run to the mat, the flock dividing in front of them, and get to meet Phil's dad. "Terence and Sarah?" Phil says, "Yes Phil? And Phil's dad?" Terence responds. They're happy, if not especially surprised, to hear that they're team number two. "Moving up," Sarah says, despite having just kissed Terence. Okay, maybe I'm being too hard on him. They might not have done so well this leg had Terence not insisted on sticking with the kiwi-stomping. That almost makes up for the fact that he screwed up on the way to the marina and probably cost them the Fast Forward in the first place. He still has some making up to do on the hair, though.
Toni and Dallas arrive at the Blokart track and get to work opening the large duffels that contain their kits. If you're having trouble picturing what these kits might look like, imagine bringing home a flat box from Ikea and opening it to find the pieces for half of a small sailboat and half of a shopping cart, and then having to put them together. "Oh, this is going to be fun," Toni says dryly.
While stomping kiwis with Andrew, Dan has some questions, and he's not quiet about them. "Why do there have to be rocks at the bottom? Why did I wear pants today?" Why are you still talking? Meanwhile, Team Divorced is arriving, and the Siblings decide to bail on the kiwis entirely. The Frat Boys aren't far behind them, and as Dan jogs back to the car, we get a nice view of his green-spattered khakis. He's going to get into a brand-new Mercedes looking like that? He looks like he just waded across the set of The Exorcist. In the parking lot, Kelly and Christy arrive, and Nick points them in the right direction. Starr asks him why he's being so helpful to their archrivals, and he says that he wants them to get cut up in the kiwi bins. Unfortunately for them, the divorcees love the "exfoliating" feeling and the fact that the kiwis serve as "tension-relieving balls." Now I know the real reason the show started 45 minutes late: you can't say "tension-relieving balls" during the family hour.
Nick and Starr arrive at the Blokarts, where Dallas and Toni are busy erecting their sails. Both teams agree that kiwi-stomping sucks. The divorcees? Not so much; they're still at it, and actively enjoying themselves. Toni and Dallas climb onto their Blokarts and start sailing them. It looks pretty tricky, since they have to operate both a steering yoke and some kind of pull cable that must be attached to the sail. "Dammit, I can't control it!" Toni wails on her first lap while Dallas cruises on ahead. The Frat Boys arrive at the track and run past Nick and Starr, who are still assembling while Toni and Dallas complete their second lap. "I'm mechanically challenged," Dan complains upon seeing the intimidating array of hardware facing him. Looks like this one's up to Andrew. The Siblings are amazed that the divorcees haven't given up on the kiwis and shown up here. In fact, they have finished. They drink their fresh green pedi-sludge and are off to the Pit Stop. So are Toni and Dallas, having finished their third lap in the Blokarts. The Frat Boys are very unhappy to see them go.
Aja and Ty have finally reached the clue box for the Detour and opt for the Kiwis. For now. At the Blokarts, Nick and Starr are finishing their construction, while Andrew appears to be constructing both Blokarts alone. In the background, Dan paces and frets about how useless he is here. "Give me sports trivia! I'll beat everybody." Thanks, Dan for applying another level of That Guy to yourself. While still working, Andrew quietly says to the camera, "Dan means a lot to me...I'm not gonna just put him down for not being able to do this. I'm gonna help him." Okay, but dude, you've earned the right to not be so quiet about it. I never thought I'd say this, but Free Andrew!
While strapping on their helmets, Nick and Starr are receiving some last-minute instructions: "Make sure you don't put your hands out, okay?" Which tells me that one of them is about to put their hands out. There are certain invariables about this show: Phil, Pit Stops, Detours, Road Blocks, and the fact that every time we see a live guide giving a racer specific instructions, it means those instructions are about to be flagrantly disobeyed. They start sailing around the track, and Starr quickly tips over. And what do you think she did to try to catch herself?
Aja and Ty are arriving at the kiwi bins, and as they walk past them, Ty starts counting the number of juice containers to determine how many teams have been there. "That's not important right now!" Aja yells at him, rather unnecessarily. They climb in, get to work, and watch for their first drop of juice to appear.
The sun's getting low in the sky as Marisa and Brooke arrive at last at Kiwi 360º and choose "Matter of Time" instead of "Matter of Skill" on the theory -- get this -- that it will be the quickest. Why not just say, "We have no skill"? And Kelly and Christy arrive at the Pit Stop, and are team number three. Hope the Siblings enjoyed their brief lead.
Meanwhile, back at Blokart Heaven, Dan is trying to make himself useful by loudly figuring stuff out, until Andrew shushes him. The Siblings have finished their first lap, and Starr crashes again. And puts her hand out again. I think she actually ran over it with one of her back wheels this time. "Did someone just crash?" Andrew wonders, barely looking up. Indeed, Nick calls out to Starr, "Are you all right?" as he cruises past. She is not. "I think I broke my arm," she sobs. Well, that sounds like the end of the race for her. Tough break. If you'll pardon the expression.
But after the ads, a couple of guys set her and her Blokart aright and she insists on finishing, sniffling the whole way around the track. Which tells me that her arm probably isn't actually broken. I don't doubt that she's in severe pain, but I don't see how you can drive those Blokarts with one arm. Oh, who am I kidding, I don't understand how you'd drive them with two, unless you're pulling it behind a car. While this is going on, Toni and Dallas arrive at the mat in fourth place. The Siblings finish racing, but Starr isn't done crying. And the Frat Boys are struggling to attach their sails in the suddenly high wind, Andrew snapping at Dan to hold onto it. The Siblings get in their car, Nick confirming that Starr can still bend her injured arm. She can, but she drives with her scraped-up left hand limp in her lap. That's right -- she drives. And Andrew and Dan are finally on their way around the track.
But there are still two teams behind the Frat Boys. "We're gonna be here all night," Ty tells Aja. Belles? Still on their way to the kiwi orchard. In Nick and Starr's car, he offers to take over the driving, and they switch places so she can fully concentrate on her crying in the back seat. And Aja and Ty give up on the kiwis and dash back to their car in the lengthening shadows. "I don't think I've ever felt this discouraged in my whole life," she says. You know, this episode has to be great publicity for Blokart Heaven. I can see the ads now: "Four out of seven teams on the Amazing Race got frustrated enough with their other option to try us as a second choice! Also, we're pretty sure Starr's arm didn't get broken."
And the Frat Boys are finally on their way to the Pit Stop. From the back, Dan tells Andrew, "You pulled a lot of tough duty today." Andrew impatiently lies, "I don't care...I'm not mad or anything." And in a solo interview, Andrew tells us that this was a turning point for him and Dan. "I don't plan on him running his mouth as much any more." Andrew says confidently. I think he's underestimating Dan.
Nick and Starr arrive at the mat and have a muted fifth-place celebration. Phil notices her sore arm, and she admits that it hurts but they're still there. And Aja and Ty arrive at the track and get to work assembling their Blokarts. Too bad they don't have time to enjoy the sunset that's happening.
The Frat Boys learn that they're team number six. Andrew falls flat on his back in astonishment while Dan whoops that he didn't think they even think they were in seventh place. Amazed that they're still in the race, Dan ecstatically hugs Phil's dad. "I love you, man! You're my dad too!" Then Dan realizes something kind of sad: "That's our best finish!" Not that he's sad about it. I mean, it is their best finish if you count from the front, but if you count from the back, they're holding pretty steady. I guess if they can continue to finish third-from-last consistently, they'll eventually be demi-millionaires. But I'm not too worried about that happening.