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The teams receive instructions to fly to Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, which means that the entire first part of the episode is taken up with people trying to say "Ouagadougou" without sounding like total idiots, which very few manage successfully. Ron is nursing a hernia at the same time, because apparently, haranguing your daughter really takes a toll on your innards. After a long plane ride highlighted by a few almost-but-not-quite big leads developing, everyone took a bus into the African savannah, where they had a little party that allowed Donald to develop a big (and futile -- SPOILER!) crush on Marianna and Julia. Shana and Jennifer let their inner ugly Americans get some air, but everyone had to buckle down when the Roadblock required someone to milk a camel. This challenges everyone, but it's not a huge, huge issue for anyone but Lorena, who totally freaks out when she can't get the camel to give up the milk. For whatever reason, when the second-to-last-place Marianna and Julia finally figure out that one should milk the camels that have babies near them, they decide to pass this advice on to Lorena, who promptly uses it to finish the task. A Detour focusing on either teaching or learning language allows everyone to share some adorable moments with the local youth, but when Jason and Lorena catch up and then pass Marianna and Julia, the sisters are eliminated. We came so close to getting rid of one of those irritating couples that always seem to end up in the final three, and it is so infuriating, you guys. Anyway, there's something of a reprieve from the intensity of last week's Ron/Christina ugliness, so at least there's that. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on Amster, Amster, Dam Dam Dam: The teams went to Amsterdam (okay, the title kind of gave it away) and tried out bicycles and furniture-heaving. Ron went from Goofily Embarrassing Dad to Cringeworthy, Mean Dad, while Christina showed herself to be a fine, fine diplomat. While several teams struggled with a needle-in-a-haystack task and a few of the young ladies went face-first into a ditch full of mud, everyone eventually finished the leg, with the lovely Pat and Kate in last place and sadly eliminated. With one very unlikable team and one very likable team out, the booting would determine the early balance between good and evil. Or at least between annoying and less annoying.
Credits. That imaginary plane belongs in the Smithsonian to Archie Bunker's chair. [BOMP.]
We begin in Durgedam, described by Phil as a "quaint lakeside village." Raise your hand if this description reminds you of the beginning of something narrated by Bill Kurtis. Anyway, we revisit Ron's "crotchbuster" remark, made while he was riding the bikes last week, and we learn that, as a result of that ride, Ron gave himself a hernia. So in a sense, he got on a bike, called it a crotchbuster, and actually busted his crotch. I mean, it's not his crotch, but "innardsbuster" isn't as cute a word. And how'd you like to be the daughter whose ass he was already complaining about having to haul around before he got a hernia? That's going to be awkward at Thanksgiving. At any rate, it looks like the medical attention Ron received at the pit stop consisted of shoving the lump of tissue back in, which...based on information obtained from the people I've known who have had hernias (other than the main information, which is "ow"), I'm going to guess Ron's not making it around the world with "push it back in" as his treatment plan. Ron tries to look on the bright side, saying that the pain is intense, and that he might be slowed down, but that he's going to do his best. And if nothing else, his hernia can stick out in front of him and cross the finish line several minutes before the rest of him gets there. Makin' lemonade!
4:19 AM. Lorena and Jason. They rip open their clue, which tells them to, as Lorena says it, "fly to Ooh-ahn-doo-goo." She seems very excited about this and says "Woo!," despite the fact that she clearly has no idea whether Ouagadougou is a luxuriously decorated castle or a pimple on the fanny of Satan. Phil explains that the teams will need to figure out that Ouagadougou is a city in Burkina Faso (and not, for instance, a punchline or a novelty song), and that they're actually expected to go there. Our introduction to Ouagadougou is accompanied by a wonderful shot of camels participating in the Olympic sport of synchronized chewing. After they get to Ouagadougou (I learned to spell it, and so did Microsoft Word, and we're going to enjoy it as long and as often as we can), they'll take a taxi to the city train station, where they'll find another clue. Jason tells us that Lorena has "issues," and he compares it to The Exorcist, in that he expects her head to spin around at any moment. Flattering! Marry him now, before someone else does! He tells us that these are things they'll need to figure out. I would indeed have to agree that if my boyfriend told a world full of strangers that I reminded him from something out of one of the best-known horror movies of all time, I might think to myself, "We have things we need to figure out."
4:30 AM. Nathan and Jennifer. (Her pronunciation: "Oo-OO-ga-doo-wow." As it happens, my best friend and I have a theory that every business and professional operation needs an "aa-WOO-gah" button that you can push when you get stressed out, and if you want to know what she sounds like, she's pretty much pushing it right now.) He tells us that if he does anything wrong, she will "kick [his] butt for it." Hooray! Get married! You too! Right away! I'll make the mini-quiches! Jen tells us that Nate is "lippy" and needs to watch his mouth, admitting that she's also bad, but that she's been working on it. As you know, if you're "working on it," it doesn't count. It's like "it's the real me" in that way. If it's the real you and you're working on it, it's fine.
4:31 AM. Shana and Jennifer. They rip open the clue. Shana actually gets pretty close to pronouncing Ouagadougou correctly. Her boo must be so proud. She interviews that they may not look as nice as they'd like, but that they want to win. It's interesting to see how women who normally are heavily kept-up in that L.A. sort of way often look the most haggard once they start missing parts of their routine. Like, with the processed hair and the top-shelf beauty treatments, they get to a point where their ability to look naturally cute in a "tired, sweaty, but still cute" sort of way is all gone. What I'm trying to say is that Shana and Jennifer look really old and beat-up right now, much more than I think they would if they weren't working so freakishly hard to look twenty-three the rest of the time. I feel bad about pointing it out, because I'm aging myself and rapidly becoming horrifically vain about it, but there it is. I AM SORRY.
5:21 AM. It's light now, and Kynt and Vyxsin are the first team to rip their clue in natural light. They probably have to hide now. Something about Kynt's southern, drawly pronunciation of "oo-ga-doo-goooooo" has a certain charm. And it suits the drawl, too. I mean, change the spelling a little, and you can almost believe there would be an Oogadoogoo, Mississippi, right? Vyxsin interviews, as they're leaving, that she tends to take on some roles that might traditionally be masculine; he adds that this includes holding doors for him. Ladies do hold doors open from time to time, you know. Sometimes we pay for dinner! The hoops in our petticoats are smaller than ever! It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world. Vyxsin announces that Kynt brings out her "chivalrous side," which is a little funny. It's weird how these two feel obligated to explain the apparently confusing facts that (1) they're dating; but (2) she opens doors for him, but nobody else ever feels obligated to explain the apparently confusing facts that (1) they're dating; but (2) they treat each other like shit.
Teams begin to arrive at the airport, and I think that Jason and Lorena are just checking the Arr/Dep board to see if they can find Ouagadougou without even having any idea where it is, as if Amsterdam should logically have a direct flight to every city in the world that's scheduled to leave within a couple of hours. That seems like a strategy very unlikely to result in success. Nate and Jen and Shana and Jennifer show up, and they all agree that they'd really better find the internet and figure out, like, maybe what continent Ouagadougou's on.
5:22 AM. Azaria and Hendekea. They know enough to think Ouagadougou is in Africa, and Hendekea enthusiastically cab-talks that they're from Ethiopia, so she feels like they'll be comfortable. Anywhere on the continent, I guess? I grew up in Philadelphia, and I feel like a space alien in many parts of this country, so...I'm not so sure. That might be me, though. "Cradle of civilization!" Azaria adds. Ehh, I...think there are a lot of places that could legitimately make "cradle of civilization" claims. It's best not to go there, I think.
The clump of dislike-worthy teams in the lead (an all-too-common phenomenon) -- made up of Nate and Jen, Shana and Jennifer, and Jason and Lorena -- figures out (using the power of the internet! Also good for Scrabble and figuring out who played the lead in Pet Sematary!) that Ouagadougou is in Burkina Faso, so at least they have some clue as to what's going on now. They learn that there's a flight through Paris on Air France. Not a lot of options to get to Ouagadougou, it seems.
5:23 AM. TK and Rachel open their clue. Rachel's pronunciation is perhaps the worst yet, and she throws in some extra syllables at the end, just so that nobody feels left out. Better too many syllables than not enough. Hippies believe in a world of bounty. TK also tells us that he and Rachel are not letting things upset them or anything. They are at one with the universe. He says that success comes with having a good time, which is reliably true, so long as you define "success" as "having a good time."
5:46 AM. Marianna and Julia. They add some syllables, too. Marianna explains as they get in a cab that Julia has a way of getting out of control and then losing her ability to think coherently. Julia is forced to admit that this is true.
5:47 AM. Nicolas and Donald. Don says that he'll be sixty-nine in a few months, but that he doesn't think of himself as old. Therefore, as he puts it, he has chosen "letting it all hang out on this thing" as his approach. You may have seen all of it hanging out during the ditch-vaulting, in which case this revelation comes as no surprise to you. He adds, "It's a once-in-a-lifetime chance to show was a guy my age can do." Once-in-a-lifetime indeed, especially if you fall off a cliff, Grandpa! Please keep your footing!
Marianna is pretty sure that Ouagadougou is in Africa, but they're aware that they need to figure out "where the hell it is." Well, you would think. They borrow the driver's cell phone, and Nick and Don actually try the same thing in their cab, so at least both teams figure out what country they're flying to before they get to the airport. Nick cab-talks that they don't anticipate there being a lot of flights to Burkina Faso from Amsterdam, so they're anxious to keep moving. He's officially smarter than Jason and Lorena, who figured that the Arr/Dep board would show a direct Ouagadougou flight within the hour.
Meanwhile, Nate and Jen learn that there's one flight to Ouagadougou today: it goes through Paris to arrive at 4:35 PM. Shana and Jennifer and Jason and Lorena get the same news. All the teams learn of an 8:00 AM departure for this route, but only Nate and Jen learn that there's also a 7:20 AM departure that's full. It appears that the plan would still be for them to take the same connecting flight, so I'm not sure how this is any kind of big advantage as things stand right now. But Nate is convinced that if they get the earlier departure, they'll be golden. It's a little strange, because this seems like leaving forty minutes earlier just in case it possibly comes in handy, so they seem overly excited about it. I might be confused. Now that I'm older than Shana and Jennifer are, I'm not as sharp as I was when I was the age Shana and Jennifer think they are.
Kynt and Vyxsin, Azaria and Hendekea, and TK and Rachel arrive at the airport.
6:26 AM. Ronald and Christina read their clue. Christina knows exactly what Ouagadougou is. Wouldn't you know it? She does seem smart. Ron, who has the blue version of his "Who's Your Daddy" T-shirt on today (multiples? Oh, Ron), tells us that they're at a low ebb, since he was kind of a haranguing bully on the last leg. He tells us that he was too hard on Christina, and that it wound up being "demoralizing" for her. It also appears to have caused the universe to give him a hernia; that's the way I like to think karmic justice operates. Ron says that if they're going to win, they need to work together, blah blah. She just tells him to "take a deep breath." Which involves not talking, of course, so you can see why she went that route. She also might try "see how many saltines you can eat in ten minutes" or "learn to whistle 'Stairway To Heaven.'"
Azaria and Hendekea, TK and Rachel, and Kynt and Vyxsin get their tickets to Ouagadougou. Marianna and Julia and Nick and Don follow. It turns out that Nate and Jen have indeed made it onto the 7:20 AM flight to Paris, so they'll have forty minutes in Paris that nobody else has. Nate tells us that it might be important, because you never know what's . They get on the flight, carrying their backpacks and their heavy sense of foreshadowing.
At the gate, Marianna says that most of the teams are set to go on the same flight, but that nobody knows whether Christina and Ron are going to make it, because they're not there yet. As you can imagine, nobody is really hoping to see Ron and Christina. We can see, though, that Christina and Ron are on their way into the airport, though they're cutting it very close, as we see when we find them at the desk at 7:30, trying to make an 8:00 AM flight. Azaria gate-talks that Ron and Christina are a little behind, so they might not make it. He tries to look like this is sad. The ticket agent is telling them that they'll need to run if they're going to make the plane. Let's get the hernia guy running! Good plan! Father and daughter run through the airport. He tells her that the hernia is really hurting him, and he's actually, like, holding it in while he runs. You know, one of my nephews asked the other night what turkey skin is for, and we wound up basically telling him that skin helps the turkey's insides not stick out -- an answer that may have lacked elegance, but is true anyway. It seems to me that when you're having to perform that function yourself manually by grabbing your innards to push them back in your body, you need to stop and get a doctor. The rest of the teams, on the flight, think Christina and Ron didn't make it, but wonder of wonders, Running Man With Hernia and his daughter get there juuuust in time to get on the flight. You can write your own bit here about how they're checking in at gate C5, and Ron's intestines are at gate C4, and his kidneys are at C3, and so on.
Nate and Jen arrive in Paris first, with nobody else there yet. This seems like it can't possibly matter, but then it turns out that the other flight -- the one back in Amsterdam with all the other teams on it -- has experienced a "mechanical problem" and is being delayed. Jennifer and Christina explain that, as things stand right now, they're not going to make the connection in Paris to Ouagadougou, and that there aren't any more flights until tomorrow. Now that would make for a fairly boring remainder of the race, wouldn't it? Imperfect planning is what that is. Jason is well aware that Nate and Jen are already up ahead, and could wind up with a one-day lead on everyone else.
When we return from a set of commercials, Nate and Jen get the skinny that the flight they're on is the only one scheduled for the day; they've also noticed that the plane carrying the other teams hasn't arrived yet. So they're aware of where this is potentially going, which is honestly not so much instant victory as that something would have to be whipped up in a hurry to slow them down, because you can't have one team a day ahead of everyone else. According to the editing, the other teams are landing just as Nate and Jen are starting the boarding process for the connecting flight to Ouagadougou. Everybody is running, including Kynt, who is talking to the cameraman over his shoulder in a clear case of "I'm not slowing down to talk to you, Super-8 McGee, so RUN FASTER." Running, running, and Nate and Jen very happy about the possibility of getting a huge jump on everyone.
Nate and Jen are snug in their seats when the first team they see is Jason and Lorena. "Glad you made it," says Jen, hoping that Jason and Lorena were born yesterday, between the ditch-vaulting and the bikes, perhaps. Everyone who comes on the plane, Jen gives that same disingenuous routine, like, "Glad you made it." It's not resenting them for making it that seems bitchy; it's the need to announce herself, like anybody doesn't know how you feel. They all get it; they'd all feel the same. But this sort of forces Jen's frustration back onto them, forcing them to pretend to be polite in the face of her phony "screw you" platitude. She and Nate later exchange a shrug, because seriously, what can you do, right? That's more the attitude (the "you mooks" attitude, I might be tempted to call it) that she should have taken the entire time.
Paris to Ouagadougou, via the Amazing Map. Touristy shots of Ouagadougou are quickly interrupted by the footage of the plane arriving, carrying all the teams. So it's all one big tie at this point. They all hop into taxis. You can tell that Jen is still trying to get over being bummed that they went from being so close to having a day-long lead to...no lead at all. Note that Shana and Jennifer negotiate a fare of 3,000 francs (francs, right?), although the driver is kind of "no problem, no problem"-ing them in a way they'd probably be better off clarifying up front. They hand him 5,000, though, and when they ask for 2,000 change, he gives them nothing, and instead just starts driving. "Shana, relax, the guy isn't going to take our money," says an irritated Jennifer when Shana gets more assertive in asking for their change. I think that perhaps Jennifer has never seen the show. Scamming cab drivers are everywhere. (Including, I'd note, in New York, so it's not a "dirty nasty other countries" thing.) Jennifer also opines that perhaps they're being taken "to be sold to people for money." I feel her in terms of unfamiliarity and discomfort, and it's very natural to make that joke when you feel uneasy, but...you have to watch out for that, to say the least. Somehow, when Who David did it with the line about going "straight into the desert to be sacrificed," it was funny and self-effacing, and it was much more understandable while jumping into a cab in the middle of the night in a totally chaotic atmosphere, while this is just nervous and dismissive and apparently based strictly on the fact that the place is different from what you're used to.
Marianna and Julia, on the other hand, are so happy to be in Africa that they're literally hugging each other with excitement. That's got to be embarrassing if you're of the "I bet they're going to sell us into slavery" persuasion. Marianna and Julia are the first to the train station to hunt for the clue box. Nate and Jen, however, are the first to actually find the clue box, which tells them to take a train to Bingo. This causes Jen to throw her fist over her head. No, no; she does not play Bingo, and you can't tell me she does. I think she's just really relieved that the clue didn't contain another word that's really hard to pronounce. I suspect any team member who read the first clue this morning and traded off with the other person for this clue is going to be like, "Wait, I got 'Ouagadougou,' and you got 'Bingo'? Can I get a flag on that play?"
Phil explains that this will be a trip "out into the middle of the African savannah." Apparently, they have to listen for the name of the stop, which will be called out, because it will be "in the middle of nowhere." They will also have to make sure they don't mistake it for someone actually having bingo in a game of bingo. Marianna and Julia are to the train station, and then the rest of the teams begin arriving. When Shana and Jennifer get out of their cab, though, they predictably do not receive the change they're supposed to receive. The driver wants to give them 1,000 in change, and they want 2,000. The dude isn't budging, though, and as always, the team is over a barrel, because they can't stand around and argue about it, and they should have negotiated it at the beginning and then never given him any more than they agreed on. You definitely don't wait for your change until the end, which I guess they now know. The dude pretty much grins and laughs, so he knows what he's doing. Lesson learned, one might think.
In the train station, the teams learn that the ticket office is closed until the morning, so the train will be going tomorrow. This might seem like a bad thing, but that night, there turns out to be time for a little partying for the weary teams. As long as everybody is stuck with the same down time, they probably appreciate the break. Marianna and Julia enjoy a little dancing, it seems, and that's good with Donald, who enjoys seeing pretty girls wiggle. He particularly likes Julia, making the obligatory "if I was a little younger" comment we were all waiting for. He tells us in an interview that "they're hot," as we see Marianna pull him up to dance. Not hotly, really, though. "A little bitchy, but not bad," he remarks. "A guy could learn to live with it." His voice sounds eerily like Rudy from the first season of Survivor, dude. It's creepy. I think he and Rudy are related. At any rate, if Don's going to be lusting after anyone, I give him a lot of credit for the fact that it's Marianna and Julia and not the blondes, who are working so much harder at hotness and planning to use their bodies to get everywhere. Their bodies didn't even work on Grandpa, so good luck with the rest of the world, ladies.
The morning, Ouagadougou's economy is off to a bustling start for the day, with all the eating and drinking and transporting of goods. It's finally time for the train to leave, so the teams all get on board. Several of the teams comment on the strong smell of the people walking by, though it doesn't seem particularly mean in intent to me. I mean...people smell different in different places, and noting that fact, in and of itself, doesn't seem to me like a particularly evil deed if you're doing it quietly and without the sneer of "they're so dirty" that all too often accompanies this kind of talk.
In better news, Nate and Jen enjoy watching the action in a soccer game they can see out the window, which is sort of endearing. He's on the play by play; she's on "Get it!" Heh. Shana and Jennifer are a little more unhappy, and Jennifer takes herself out of the running for Most Gracious Visitor when she busts out the very unfortunate comment, "These people bring flies." That is not cool. It's sort of the boiled-down, ultra-pure version of the wrong way to look at the situation, like there are flies here because of the nature of the people, which is absurd. "These people" don't bring flies any more than you would if you lived in the same conditions, lady. She tells us that she couldn't live like this, and that, I do not doubt. Hendekea interviews, in a way that's kind of "duh" at this point, that she thinks Shana and Jennifer are pretty uncomfortable in Africa. Azaria, on the other hand, says that to him, it has the feel of home, and he's glad to have the opportunity to come here. Nate gives the speech somewhere in between -- the one where he says that it's kind of shocking to realize that parts of the world are really like this. It's not the best response I've eve heard, but it's not the worst, either. He's sheltered, but you know...we're all sheltered. His tone is clarified when he tops it off with the assertion that they're all lucky to be here. I think Nate's okay, in his particular way. We wouldn't be pals, but I sense a core of okay-guy in there.
Bingo is called when the contestants all really are genuinely peeking out the windows and feeling like they are in the middle of nowhere at all, just as Phil promised. Everybody piles out of the train, Ron's hernia still hurts, blah blah blah. Finally, everybody spots the clue box and runs over to it -- it's kind of "by a tree," as far as directions, so you can see why there weren't any -- and it's a clue for a Roadblock asking "who's ready to work up a thirst." Phil, strolling across the savannah -- looking attractive as hell in his blazing-weather-appropriate white shirt -- tells us that this will require a team member to do a chore often performed by local nomads (oxymoron?): milking a camel. The team member will milk a camel to fill a bowl up to a line, and then drink the milk. It's not unfamiliarity that makes me cringe at that; I wouldn't want to drink warmish milk I just squeezed directly from a cow, either. The immediacy and the possibility of foreign objects or, like, hair in it just...would put me off my camel's milk, if you know what I mean. But in any event, once the contestants have had the milk, they'll receive their clue. Phil adds that you have to avoid spilling your milk, or you may not get enough, and if your camel goes dry, you have to wait for everyone else to finish milking before you can take one of their camels. So you really want to try to pick the right camel the first time around, and you don't want to waste the milk, because every camel's supply is limited. Azaria takes it, and Vyxsin, and Nate, and some other people, but most emphatically, Lorena takes it for her team. Apparently, the clue says that camels are sensitive to both movement and loud noises. So...not so much with those things, I guess. Lorena should have no problem remaining calm and composed, right? Hey, there's a first time for everything.
TK begins with the words "Good job, camel." With that, he forfeits the prize for Most Creative Camel-Encouragement Mantra, although it's a little more amusing since he says it in a voice bearing a slight resemblance to the Jim Gaffigan "Hot Pocket" delivery. Lorena starts with shrieking, which is a great way to introduce yourself to animals who are sensitive to loud noises. Every time the camel moves, Lorena gives a little cry of despair. I think that's genuinely the precise opposite of what she's supposed to be doing. Azaria is moving too slowly for Hendekea, so she's yelling at him. Nathan's adventures in inoffensive swearing continue as he actually yells, "Fudge!" Actually, "Aw, fudge!" "Nathan, you've got to be gentle; you're handling nipples!" Jen hollers. That's not even good for an "in bed" joke, because...I don't know. It's like the "busted box" joke that went around in the TWoP bullpen during the cable installation. It's taking candy from a baby. It's too easy. No challenge. Make me work for it! Anyway, Julia's camel begins to roar, and she apologizes to the camel before asking her to stop roaring. The camel takes it under advisement.
TK gives his camel a "Doing great, buddy!" His tone causes me to think he's forgotten that's a lady camel. You know, since he's milking it. (I just realized that we missed out on having Colin scream, "I'm MILKIN' it!") Christina gently praises her camel. She is used to handling the temperamental boob, one might think. There's a great shot of Jason telling Lorena "you can do it, baby," followed by the camel shaking its head, clearly indicating that Lorena cannot do it. It's apocryphal, I'm sure, but it's still funny. In any event, Lorena can't get started.
TK's bowl is already full enough. He goes to drink it and has a few gagging issues, to which he admits in an interview. He gets it down eventually, though, and they're done. The clue tells him and Rachel to lead four camels along a path to another clue. Phil explains that you have to take these camels to the "waiting nomads," and then you can get your clue. Hand off your camels; get your clue. I love the idea of waiting nomads involved in a task, like they were just wandering by, and the show was like, "Could you stop for a minute and hand off these clues? Just while you're here?"
Don is to drink the milk and get the clue, as Lorena's camel kicks her milk away. I think that camel has met Lorena. Julia loses most of her milk as well. It's Camel Struggle Time! Christina's done, and she's allowed to leave, but when Jennifer asks whether she can go, the guy tells her there's not enough milk in the bowl, which...there clearly isn't. I don't know what she thought she was pulling, but that milk is up to the line about as much as she got 2,000 francs in change. Ron and Christina leave in third place.
Up ahead, Nick is concerned, because he and his grandpa are just following TK and Rachel, and he's not convinced that TK and Rachel actually know where they're going. Meanwhile, Ron coaxes his camels, and Christina compliments him on being so "good with animals." Ron tells her that he's great with them, because he has their "stench." The stench, that is, of severe family problems. They decide -- really, Ron decides -- just to follow the other two teams. As young Nick has already observed, that is a very risky strategy.
Vyxsin drinks the camel milk. Jen yells at Nate that everybody else is already finished, which...isn't true, certainly. She's going to get a reputation as the Girlfriend Who Cried Everybody Else Is Already Finished. As Kynt and Vyxsin leave with their camels, TK and Rachel are deciding that they've been going (and leading the group) in the completely wrong direction. Christina points out to her dad that she didn't want to follow everybody else to begin with. Ron interviews that he needs to figure out a way to trust Christina more when she wants to lead, and admits that she's leading better than he is. Also, she isn't leading with her busted intestine.
Nate is finally done, so now Hendekea is getting really nervous about Azaria's slowpoking. Nate and Jen fall in line behind TK and Rachel, sort of breaking into the pack as it passes back going in the (we hope) right direction. In third place, Ron has to break out in a rendition of "It's A Long Road [sic] To Tipperary," which is not what anyone needs, especially the camels. Christina protests, and he insists that the camels are moaning in appreciation, while she thinks they're moaning at him to shut up. I think Christina is projecting onto the camels, but that doesn't make her wrong.
And now, Lorena is just flat-out screaming. She is screaming. Azaria's camel knocks some of his milk out of the bowl again. And then...man, I do not know how to explain this, but Jennifer...she somehow believes that the camel has run dry and can be...kind of stimulated to, um...I just can't explain it. Suffice it to say she is making a yanking motion, and it's most unsavory-looking, and it's a teat on a girl camel, so just because her last boyfriend liked it when...see, I shouldn't have tried. Julia says that her camel is not making any milk anymore, and Lorena is still screaming. So basically, Lorena, Julia, Jennifer, and Azaria have run their camels out of milk, either because of low supply or loss of milk through spilling or both.
Back from commercials, Lorena has decided to call upon divine help, saying, "Please, Lord, give me milk." As Lorena shrieks and gets kicked (God: "I'm sorry; did I misunderstand the request? Did you say 'gimme' and not 'kick me'? I'm so sorry; that happens to me all the time!"), Jason tells us that this was very emotionally difficult for him, as much as it might have been hilarious for everyone else. I added the last part. Azaria is a little more practical in his focus, and he asks if now that everyone who has any milk has already gotten it, he can switch. The guys say yes, he can switch, so he goes to get another camel. Julia's camel has no milk either, although it does have a big cascade of poop for her to enjoy. Once they switch, it does appear that the problem was the camels themselves, because everybody gets moving -- well, everybody but Lorena. Azaria and Hendekea get out of the Roadblock in sixth place.
TK and Rachel, meanwhile, reach the clue box with their four camels, and they open a clue for a Detour. Phil explains that the choices are Teach It or Learn It. In Teach It, you choose a local youngster and teach him or her ten common English words, using flashcards. When your child can recite all ten in one shot, you can go. In Learn It, you have to learn ten words in the regional language. I have to say, if you want your destiny in your own hands here, you're going with Learn It. Pick the wrong kid, and you could be here a long time. Rachel wants to do Teach, though. That would just make me too nervous. Nate and Jen take Learn It for the same reason I would -- "relying on ourselves." Kynt and Vyxsin take Learn It, while Nick and Don take Teach It, with Nick opining that the kid they pick is likely to be smarter than they are. Heh. Ron, thinking similarly, says that the kids have had more sleep than the contestants have, so they might as well do the Teach It option. But the first place that this clump of teams winds up, nobody seems to know what they're talking about or what they want.
Meanwhile, back at the camels, Jennifer is all done, so they're ready to lead the camels on the path. This leaves Julia and Lorena.
Azaria and Hendekea are taking the Learn It option. Fortunately for them, they run into a kid who knows where they're supposed to go and can lead them there. Now, the other jumble of teams has finally found its way to the right spot, so we can have some teaching and some learning. Ron attempts to teach the word "skyscraper" by making a King Kong reference, which...you'd be lucky if an American kid the age of these kids understood that, and I don't understand why that would help teach the word anyway. I think he just wanted to beat on his chest, which is actually Tarzan, the way he does it, so...just push it back in, Ron. Push it all back in. The only learning team that seems to be splitting the words (as would seem logical) is Azaria and Hendekea. They're each taking five words, just kind of turning the cards over in their hands, not really interacting with the "teaching" child at all. It's probably most efficient, but I'm not sure it's the most memorable way to approach it, if you know what I mean. There are some really good shots of Nick and of TK and Rachel having a really nice time working with their kids. Jen brags in an interview that she's better at things involving patience. All evidence to the contrary, I guess.
Azaria and Hendekea, despite having fallen to sixth during the camel-milking, are indeed the first to leave the Detour, after successfully completing the recitation of their words. The clue they receive tells them to follow the marked path to the pit stop, which Phil tells us is on "the outskirts of Bingo." I'm interested in the notion that a community this tiny has "outskirts." I wouldn't even have thought it had...skirts.
As they run off, Nate looks out the window of the school and sees what he calls "a fat storm coming." Indeed, it's getting quite dark, and some animals appear to be taking cover. Now, with the storm closing in and still no milk, Lorena is genuinely beginning to freak out, just as Azaria and Hendekea -- with her in the lead -- are finding their way to the pit stop. Along with the friend who's been leading them around, they land on the very wet mat in front of Phil, who's holding an umbrella over himself. Do not disturb the spiky! They are Team #1, and they win another very romantic vacation, of which it appears they may wind up with several. This one is to Bermuda. Sexy! With your...sibling! That will be...kind of weird! Azaria says they now feel like they have a target on them, which...I guess, with the Yield, okay, but...I still think that makes it sound like you're on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge.
Finally -- finally -- Julia gets her camel to produce enough milk for her to drink it so that they can leave. She leaves Lorena still miserable and hopeless. Lorena has the bowl kicked again, and she actually drops to her knees dramatically and sobs. Dude. Toughen up, seriously. It's milking a camel. What will you do when you get to mountain-climbing?
When we return from commercials, Lorena is still having her total breakdown/meltdown thing, and she's basically lost her marbles. As Julia and Marianna are leaving, Julia looks over, sees Lorena on her knees, and tells her to try the camels with the babies with them, particularly recommending a white one. This is insane, of course, with these two teams battling for last place. Giving advice and bailing out a girl who's completely freaking out is compassionate, but it's insane. So finally, Lorena goes over to this one particular camel and gets all the milk she needs. At last, they can leave. She's still wailing, though, because "resilient" is not a word one would use to describe her, particularly. They lead their camels. "Do you still love me?" Lorena asks Jason. "Of course I still love you," he says. Not enough not to have one foot out the door, of course.
In the school, Ron and Christina are waiting while their student takes her test. She passes; they thank her and congratulate her and leave. But on their way out, they get turned around looking for the path to the pit stop. Inside, TK and Rachel's student is also being quizzed. She succeeds, and they're done. Nate and Jen pass their test (they Learned It!) and go. Nick and Don's student passes, so they can leave. Kynt and Vyxsin pass. Ron has stopped to put on his jacket, so the advantage he and Christina briefly enjoyed is pretty much gone, and the teams are kind of clumped up again. All these teams seem to spot Phil and the pit stop at once, and they all take off running as the rain pours. In the end, TK and Rachel, Nate and Jen, and Kynt and Vyxsin finish within seconds of each other, and they're Teams #2, #3, and #4. Ron and Christina are right behind as Team #5, and they're very happy. A lot happier than last week, that's for sure. A hernia is nothing compared to the attitude he was hauling. Nick and Don are right behind them, in sixth place. Phil is kind of shocked to find five teams all on the mat at essentially the same time after all the traveling.
Okay. So Shana and Jennifer pick Teach It, and they start teaching their words.
Julia and Marianna are walking their camels, mindful of the caution in the clue about not upsetting the camel with "fast movements or loud noises." Jason and Lorena, on the other hand, are running with their camel. It's not a very big lead to begin with, and before you know it, Julia and Marianna turn around and see Jason and Lorena right behind them.
Shana and Jennifer's student passes his test, so they're off.
When Julia and Marianna see Jason and Lorena running, they decide they'd better run as well, so they're off. These teams arrive at essentially the same time at the Detour clue box.
Shana and Jennifer seem very surprised that they're placed as well as seventh, so I guess they kind of...lost track of everybody? I'm not sure. Jennifer is all weepy, going on about how much it means to her to stay in the race. She also needs to adjust her jacket, which is currently wrapped around one boob, while the other one is covered with only her shirt.
Jason and Lorena find the school before Marianna and Julia do, so now they're ahead in this race to stay in. The sisters are close, though, so both teams wind up together at the school, both choosing the Learn It option.
We wind up in a very tense, like, language-off thing, where the two teams are matching word for word, with Jason and Lorena apparently slightly ahead. Lorena and Jason finish first, as it turns out, so they get to leave. Dammit. It appears that it's close, though it's hard to tell. Jason and Lorena do indeed find their way to the pit stop first, so they're the ones who run up and land on the mat. I was so bummed by this, you guys. We came so close to having a team that rarely would go third out actually go out instead of a team that's exactly the kind that ALWAYS goes out third. It's very depressing. ["Yes, but the reason Julia and Marianna did go out third was, as you say, because Julia gave Lorena a tip, and because they didn't run with their camels. I was bummed too, but they brought it on themselves." -- Wing Chun] Lorena weeps and sobs about not being able to milk the camel, and Jason passes this off as being "passionate" in their interview. He needs to learn a little something about the difference between "passionate" and "loud." There is crossover, but they are very different concepts.
And now, Marianna and Julia. You are last, and you are out. They say that it felt like they never caught a break, but that they love each other, and they loved doing the race together. I feel bad for them, because they seem like nice girls, but on the other hand...they were behind a lot. Consistently, before and after bunching up with everyone else, except when it was really, really random, like with taxi drivers. I don't know. They're nice, but I don't think they're an undeserving third boot.
Executive Producer: Jerry Bruckheimer.
week: Everybody does a little dancing, and it seems that perhaps Shana and Jennifer are going to be Yielding Jason and Lorena. At least that's what the previews want you to think. Let's see if it's true.