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After a camel-eating Roadblock in Morocco, the teams head to Barcelona, where they have to complete a most emotionally taxing Detour in which they choose between carrying giant dolls on their bodies and standing around while locals throw tomatoes at them. No kidding. When Kimberly realizes that people are, for real, pelting her with actual whole tomatoes that hurt when they wing you in the face, she basically panics (genuinely panics, not just gets unhappy) and runs. Rob screeches at her, which makes it worse, and she screeches back, which makes it even worse than that. They wind up staying put, though, and they finish the Detour and get to the pit stop in first place. Right behind them are the *lyns, who get into a couple of very nasty arguments that last for basically the whole leg, but who are certainly pleased to be the first all-female team in the final three. The Addicts (And Models!) wind up beating out the BQs, which is good, because their last-place finish means that the BQs can't even claim that they only went out because of the penalty they carried from last week. No, they legitimately came in last twice in a row, and it's finally enough to knock them out. week, what will happen? Well, the previews make a couple of strong suggestions, but the history would suggest you should beware of reverse psychology. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on Olive My Favorite People Did This Detour: The teams went to Morocco, where the BQs bungled their flight planning and were big old slowpokes in the initial dash, but still managed to get to the mat in time to Yield the *lyns. A Roadblock featured chariots and the ongoing tale of James Is A Disappointment And Will Never Get Into Big-Boy Pants At This Rate, but the *lyns managed to complete it quickly enough that they didn't fall terribly far behind, all things and horses and turbans and Yields and ill-advised hissyfits considered. On the way to the Detour, the BQs wound up having to actually navigate instead of hiring taxis to lead their shapely fannies all over the place as they've been doing, and they immediately missed the turn and wound up having to wait around to crush olives. They learned what it means to be neither first to come, nor first to be served. In fact, things changed so rapidly that they landed on the mat in last place, and they held on by the thinnest thread of non-elimination. Four teams left, and the BQs "marked for elimination" in the sense that they will serve a 30-minute penalty unless they finish first. Who will be eliminated... ?
Credits. You know, I'm no expert, but that does not look like good bicep-curl form, the way Erwin is leaning back to make that weight come up. I'm thinking that a muscle is about to come boinging out of his arm. [BOMP.]
Commercials. I cannot believe that NCIS is still on. You could abolish television, movies, and video, and there would still be Mark Harmon, like, doing monologues at Starbucks. The dude does not die.
We are in the scenic Atlas Mountains, which separate the Mediterranean from the Sahara Desert, which is presumably a large job, what with their tendency to argue. At the edge of the desert near what Phil refers to as "the famed road to Marrakesh," we find the Berber camp that is serving as our pit stop. Phil looks all kinds of wrinkly. I think he needs to be ironed. Like, not just his shirt -- the whole guy. It's not really the good kind of "rumpled" here. Naturally, he has to wonder aloud whether the BQs can get past the limitation of being "marked." Of course, the answer is, "As long as they're not marked with mascara smears."
5:30 AM. James and Tyler. Tyler is wearing his hat backwards today, the better to let the intelligence leak freely from his ears. The clue tells them to drive to Casablanca and, once there, find a particular area where the clue is located, not that it's described very specifically. It's kind of like being told to look for the clue in "Times Square," I think, if Times Square had fewer seventeen-dollar hamburgers and more locally grown vegetables. Phil explains that this is a 275-mile drive through the mountains, so: good luck with that. They comment on the pretty sunrise as they leave the mat, so that's something. James voices over as they get in the car that they're going to do whatever it takes, million dollars, high stakes, yap yap yap. In the car, Tyler says that they're not worried about their placement today, as long as they manage to get the BQs out of the game. Tyler interviews that they'd obviously rather have the *lyns there than the BQs, because the *lyns aren't as much competition. I certainly understand why he might reach that conclusion, but it's the kind of comment that will get a guy whapped right on the noggin with a karmic tire iron.
5:31 AM. Speaking of the *lyns, here they go. Lyn talks about how it's the first time in the race they've been close to the front, so they feel good. Karlyn enjoys reminding us that in the last leg, the BQs Yielded them and wound up being the ones to come in last and be "marked" and such. "We definitely have a plan to get them out now, since they tried to get us out." You will recall that Karlyn had absolutely nothing at all against the BQs until the Yield. Until then, she was planning on having them over for Thanksgiving. Dustin was going to make the sweet potatoes. "We've got to get rid of them this time," Lyn says, a bit more straightforwardly. They get in the car, and Lyn rather dryly observes that she once loved road trips, but she's "growing weary." Hee. Yeah. Other than traveling with a couple of diaper-clad two-year-olds, I'm not sure anything could sap your interest in travel quite like this.
5:47 AM. Rob and Kimberly. They're getting $295 for the leg, we learn. Kimberly interviews that Rob just doesn't give up. She says he used to need pushing to "get motivated," but now he doesn't. (Giant Vulture Of Foreshadowing: "Awk, awk.") They get in the car, and Rob says he just wants to get to the final three, and he really thinks they'll win the money, get married, and "ride off into the Moroccan sunset." I have to say, when I first heard that, I thought I was hearing him say "write off" instead of "ride off," and my brain was like, "Wow, he's already thinking about ways to write off his wedding!" You have to admit, it would be creative. As they drive, he notes that the roads are a little upsetting, because there's no guardrail. So you might die, but at least they could write off your funeral. Government-subsidized coffins for everyone! Ha ha! Up in the Tyler and James car, actually, they're mentioning the same thing. Lyn, too! And then there's this brilliant moment where Kimberly says, "I hate how there's so many dogs out here," as she looks out the window at all the... well, I'll let Rob do it. First, Kimberly says, "Oh, those are lambs." And Rob grins and says, "Goats." She says she "saw the horns." And assumed... that they were... yeah, I'm not sure. They keep driving, and he chuckles mischievously and quizzes her on another animal, and she's all, "Shut up." Hee.
6:16 AM. Dustin and Kandice. You'll notice they were almost a half-hour behind Rob and Kimberly, despite what was implied in the way last week's ending was put together. As they leave the mat, they explain again, for the several-th time we have heard this episode, that unless they come in first, there's a 30-minute penalty, so obviously, they need to come in first or get ahead by a half-hour. Tautology-ness is to godliness. They also complain some more that other teams are "cold" to them because the race is picking up. I never understand this. I mean, they specifically said they didn't care about their relationships with other teams several times. They specifically said they weren't here to make friends and so forth, and when you take that attitude, that's fine, but then that means that... people may be cold to you, you know? I find the whole "poor us, nobody likes us, not that we care" thing to be sort of silly. I mean, isn't it self-fulfilling? You decide you don't care if nobody likes you, then you act different and people don't like you. I don't think it's exactly a secret, usually, when you're taking that "I'm here to win; I don't care about making friends" attitude. People can tell you have that "fuck off" thing going, so it's very hard to tell what's cause and what's effect. Translation? "They didn't like us first."
Tyler and James are pulling into a gas station to ask for some directions, and they wind up finding a guy who agrees to lead them. Lyn and Karlyn are also asking directions, but they're having some trouble communicating with the locals. Rob and Kimberly: same. Dustin and Kandice pull over and ask This Dude Right Here, who's wearing an orange shirt and standing by the side of the road. TDRH offers to come with them and show them where it is. Tyler and James are the first to get themselves parked, however. They're wandering around a sort of municipal-park-like area looking for the clue box. "Eagle eye, buddy," Tyler says. And then suddenly, James spots the clue box from quite a way away, and Tyler follows him, sprinting across a patch of grass. "Look at that eagle eye!" Tyler says admiringly. "Purr," says James. They open up the clue box. This is a Roadblock, says the clue, and Phil explains that in this particular one, that person will be "indulging in a traditional Moroccan meal." What you don't want to notice is all the meat behind Phil, including fully intact camel heads with... less than intact camels behind them. Like, parts of necks, and... I need to lie down. And then a guy takes a camel head that's... hanging from its... wow, I just can't... and then he kisses it. The head. The dead camel's head, he kisses. I feel faint. Anyway, Phil explains that the teams will go to a market and find a stall where they will buy a pound of camel meat. A shot is inserted here of a live camel moaning unhappily, which is kind of like the old commercials with the crying Indian, if they were used to illustrate a whimsical game involving toxic waste dumping. At a nearby café, the teams will prepare the camel meat. And then, of course, they'll eat it.
James takes the Roadblock for his team, of course, and the boys take off looking for the stall. At this point, the show includes a particularly unsettling close-up of a camel head hanging in a butcher shop with its tongue hanging out of the side of its mouth. Wow. That is... not this show's typical image of a camel, that's for sure. Poor Shecky! Tyler and James find the stall and buy their camel meat, and James comments that it's "a lot of meat, bro." Tyler's all, "If I had a nickel... " They find the café, and James starts feeding the meat through a grinder. The step is to use little dishes of spices to season the meat. James then packs the meat onto little skewers and takes it to be cooked on a hot grill. As it cooks, they comment that it actually smells pretty good.
to arrive in the general vicinity of the clue box are the BQs, who are, as usual, proving that when they have someone inside the car who can tell them where they're going, they have a decent shot at getting to wherever it is. They ask TDRH if he'll stay with them, and he agrees, so they take off looking for the clue box, and TDRH comes with them. "It's not every day you get to do this," Kandice says to him magnanimously. Yes, it's awfully generous of you to let him spend his day doing unpaid work for you, Kandice. Really, he should be thanking you. Where are his manners? Elsewhere, Lyn and Karlyn are asking directions. They find a cab driver who is supposedly going to take them to where they need to go.
It's time for James to eat camel meat. "It's so good," he says, and when Tyler asks him if it really is, James says it really is, laughing a little. "It's like a really good burger," he says. And again with that shot of the tongue hanging out of a random camel. Can we afford that camel a little dignity? Yeesh. Tyler is really pleased that no other teams have arrived yet. But as he's saying that, here come the BQs to the clue box with TDRH. Kandice takes the Roadblock, because her giant teeth can gnaw through anything. They follow TDRH toward the meat market. Elsewhere, Rob and Kimberly are trying to get directions to where they're supposed to be, but they're having a rough time of it.
The BQs buy their camel meat, and TDRH leads them to the café, where they find James still eating. The boys are not happy to see that they're the second team to get there. Kandice starts to grind the meat as the girls talk yet again about how surprised the boys are to see them, which is true, of course, but it's again one of those situations where you want to let it speak for itself, rather than having "can you believe how awesome we are?" conversations all day long. James finishes up the camel meat in a hurry, and they get a clue. It tells them to fly to Barcelona, Spain, which is about 800 miles, so the guys are off. Kandice is putting her meat onto skewers. Somehow, I'm thinking giant wads of cooked meat on sticks do not make up Kandice's typical diet. Just a guess.
Finally, Rob and Kimberly are at least finding the place where they're supposed to park their car, so that's a start. As they're hopping out, James and Tyler are leaving, and the A(AM!)s give the Pointies a point in the right direction and instructions to go "down this hallway and ask somebody." The guys leave, unsure exactly where they're going. Rob and Kimberly run a little ways, but now they can't figure out where they're going. "I don't know where we are, dude," Rob says. "Son of a bitch." Elsewhere, Kandice is still skewering. She gets done, and then she hands the meat to the guy at the grill, says, "I like it medium well," and grins and giggles at Dustin over how hilarious and awesome they both are. It's totally their favorite topic.
Lyn and Karlyn are also getting directions to the clue box.
Dustin and Kandice check to make sure that TDRH hasn't gone anywhere, and he hasn't. He's still sitting right there, waiting for them, having apparently nothing else to do with his day. They talk and talk about how they're still in it, and they're so excited. Meanwhile, Rob and Kimberly are starting to get short-tempered while looking for the clue box. They've crossed into the Hey, Don't Yell At Me place, which is only a few miles from the That's What I SAID place, and then it's a wee hop to the SHUT UP! place. Lyn and Karlyn are also still looking. Kandice, however, is ready to start eating some camel, and she pronounces it "good." Rob and Kimberly are... well, he's kind of getting really loud now, running around talking louder and louder about where they're trying to go, as if the locals will understand him in English better if he's louder. Kandice keeps eating in her "NY" shirt; Rob and Kim and Lyn and Karlyn keep looking for the clue box. Rob seems to be under the impression that putting his arms up in a searching "WHAAAAAT?" kind of gesture will make it clearer that he needs help, but Kimberly thinks he looks like a dork and tells him so, pretty much. I sort of agree with both of them.
Interestingly, at this point, Rob and Kim and the *lyns run into each other and start working together, kind of, looking for the clue box. Kim comes clean immediately, saying they ran into the boys and the boys said the BQs were already there. Karlyn cannot believe it, but indeed, Kandice is almost finished chowing down on camel meat. She finishes and collects their clue, which says to go to Barcelona. TDRH runs them back to their car, and as they're going, the Pointies and *lyns spot them and start to follow them, even though Kim is pretty confident that they've already done whatever it is and are coming, not going. As the BQs get in their car to leave for the airport, they tell Kim that they did indeed already get the clue, and they start to point here toward where it is, only to have Rob butt in and tell Kim not to ask them, which... isn't very smart. It's kind of bitter for no good reason. Instead, Rob asks TDRH to tell him where it is, but Dustin tells TDRH not to help Rob, so he doesn't. In fact, the BQs are taking TDRH with them. On the way to the airport with Dustin and TDRH, Kandice smirks that Rob has "an anger-management problem." It must be nice not to have any problems. Rob and Kimberly and Lyn and Karlyn keep looking for the clue box. Will they find it? What will happen? Suspense!
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When we return, the hunt by the trailing teams for the clue box continues. Finally, a guy points the way and Rob spots the box. He and Kim take off at a run, so they get to the Detour clue just before the *lyns. Kim and Lyn wind up taking it for their teams.
We now join the A(AM!) car, where Tyler is reiterating that he doesn't want the BQs to last past today. He wants to see the *lyns in the final three, rather than the BQs. James goes on to explain, as tactfully as one can, that the *lyns are the least physically threatening of the teams, so that would be the biggest advantage for him and Tyler. In the BQ car, Kandice unfortunately says that she would rather get on a flight before Rob and Kim and "the sistas." Still not okay, but we've been there and done that. "I would rather have that than Christmas presents for the five years," Dustin remarks. It's an interesting twist, that as we approach the holidays, it's like... now Santa Claus is in the tub. "I would trade never eating camel meat again," Kandice says. This is supposed to be funny, but Dustin completely ruins the joke, stomping all over it by saying, "That's not fair, it has to be something you want to do!" Yes, Dustin. Very good. That's what made it a joke. Boy, that was not a shining moment, being-with-the-program-wise.
Rob and Kimberly buy their meat and then head for the café, and the *lyns do the same. As Kim and Lyn grind meat, Lyn says that all meat is a "dead animal," so she wasn't particularly grossed out by it, or by grinding it or anything. Rob starts to hassle Kim about Lyn being ahead of him, and much like Colin and Christie often used to, they have a very tense conversation in which "babe" is used to mean "fuck you," and in which he tells her to speed up and she tells him not to talk at her while she's grinding. You know, camel meat. Lyn is first to get her meat onto the skewers and give it over to be grilled. When Kim brings her skewers over, she and Lyn start to have a little chat about how frustrating it is that the BQs got ahead of them. You will not be surprised to hear that in the BQ car, they are discussing how great they are, and how everyone must be talking about how great they are. SHOW, DON'T TELL. God.
When Lyn's meat comes off the fire, Karlyn starts telling her to just stuff it in her mouth, but of course, she can't really, because it just came off the hot fire. Karlyn continues nagging her to "hurry up," and Lyn continues stressing that she can't just stuff hot food -- hot greasy food, I would add -- down her throat. Kimberly paces and waits. Karlyn keeps bugging Lyn to go faster, and Lyn points out that she lets Karlyn do her Roadblocks without hassling her about it, so Karlyn needs to return the favor. Karlyn snaps back that Lyn is "chewing and contemplating." That would make a great holiday song. Finally, Kim gets her meat and starts eating, and before you know it, both Kimberly and Lyn are ready to smack their partners for the unending stream of kibitzing. Lyn gets all the way to "if you'd shut the hell up, I could do better." And Karlyn responds, "No, I don't think so." Nice one!
So here are the A(AM!)s at the airport. They park and go inside. They find a ticket agent who tells them to find a travel agency, so they set off. Elsewhere, the BQs are driving to the airport, somewhat ill-advisedly gloating over having a 30-minute lead over the Pointies and *lyns, whom they again call the "sistas" here. Obviously, the half-hour lead doesn't mean much, since you're about to get on a flight. If anything, you should be happy that you'll probably be on the same flight as everyone else and you'll be in a tie. Your odds of carrying a 30-minute lead past an 800-mile flight? They are not very good. Back at the café, Karlyn is still hassling and insulting Lyn about how slow she is, even as Lyn is about to be finished. "Karlyn, shut the hell up," Lyn finally says. "You don't tell me to shut up," Karlyn snaps. "You don't run my mouth, you could've been finished." Man, she is a piece of work. If Lyn really didn't make a "you spend enough time running your own mouth" joke here, she has the patience of a saint. Which, come to think of it, I guess we already knew. Rob notes that Lyn is finished and shares this with Kimberly. "It took her long enough!" Karlyn spits, crossing the line between nagging your partner and actually slagging your partner to other teams, which... you cannot do. Lyn collects the clue and, clearly very angry and struggling not to lose her temper, she reads the directions to fly to Barcelona. Kimberly continues eating. The *lyns get back into their car to go to the airport. In the car, Lyn calmly tells Karlyn that for her to "berate" Lyn like that wasn't doing anything to help get the task done. "We approach things different," Karlyn says unapologetically. "I'm not going to change and do things the way she wants me to do it. If she don't like it, then just don't listen to me." Oh, my favorite. It's the "being nasty to other people is my personal style, so you have no right to tell me I can't be who I am" theory. That's right: she may be acting like a jerk to her friend, but she's keeping it real. I never understand how genuineness takes the place of civility. Back at the café, Rob tells Kim again that she needs to get done, and she tells him again that he should leave her alone. She finally finishes, so she gets the clue and they can go. They get in their car and go to the airport.
Airport. The boys find the travel agency and sit down with a nice gentleman to discuss tickets to Barcelona. Outside, the BQs are being dropped off by TDRH, who is kiss-kissing them. As they walk through the airport, the BQs again discuss the fact that they need to come in first in order to keep from running into the 30-minute penalty, and then they wonder aloud to each other whether the A(AM!)s would voluntarily step aside and let them come in first so that they could stay in the game. In other words, wouldn't they like to intentionally allow the only team beside themselves that has consistently won legs to be in the final leg with them, instead of a team that's usually been near the back and a team that's generally been kind of in the middle? Doesn't that sound great? You might think they'd save themselves the embarrassment of asking, but they don't. Indeed, when they get to the travel agency and encounter the A(AM!)s, who are just getting a 4:30 flight to Barcelona, the BQs have something they'd like to ask. Kandice grins her pageant smile and says, "Guys, if we are neck and neck, do you theeeenk you would let us jump on the mat before yooou?" Asking just the right question given the BQs constant yammering about their awesomeness, Tyler calmly asks, "You don't have enough faith in your game?" "We're just wondering," the BQs say at the same time, and the A(AM!)s look at each other and crack up, Tyler literally poking a mocking thumb at the BQs as he does so. That is really a pretty funny "can you believe this shit" moment. "We go with you all the way," Dustin protests, "so if it came down to... " "A foot race?" James finishes. "A foot race," Dustin agrees. "If you guys could just maybe 'trip,'" Kandice suggests, kind of sheepishly, but certainly not joking. Tyler explains in an interview that this is the first time the BQs have had any interest in cooperation with them, and he's not interested in rolling over and letting them come in first. "Wouldn't you rather have us in the top three than Rob and Kim?" Dustin asks. What I don't get is... how can the BQs have spent this entire race talking about how awesome everyone else thinks they are and how jealous everyone is of them and still think this particular plan is going to work? Basically, the boys give a big blow-off to this entire idea, which is very satisfying. And, if you think about it, a sign of respect. It's pretty cool to see a team of two young women trying to sucker the young athletic dudes into wanting them in the final three, and the young athletic dudes being like, "What do you think we are, SUCKERS? We don't want to have to race against you!" Whatever else happens, that's good to see. Although I have to say, it's one of a tiny, tiny number of times I've seen them do anything that has a stench of "we're just little giiiiiirls, we can't raaaace" thing, and I never care for that.
In the Pointymobile, Rob is talking about how "relentless" the BQs are, and how he doesn't like having them in the race. Lyn is saying the same thing in the other car, that she doesn't understand how the BQs got to that task so quickly. Back at the airport, both the A(AM!)s and the BQs are ticketed on the 4:30 PM flight to Barcelona. As James and Tyler walk through the airport, James recaps the BQs' genius theory about how they'd rather have them in the final three than Rob and Kim. "No friggin' way, girls, not going to happen," Tyler says. The *lyns come to the airport and are ticketed on the 4:30 flight. Ditto the Pointies, so it's all tied up. The four teams head for the plane, and as Tyler gets all tense and overly competitive talking about getting to the final three, I realize how much he sounds like TAR1 Rob. Seriously, a lot. If Tyler were from Minnesota, they could be vocal twins like Jonathan Penner and Alan Alda.
Aaaanyway. As the rest of the teams stand around and talk about how much they hope the BQs get eliminated, the BQs stand around and talk about how everyone is plotting against them. There's not really "plotting." There's just the fact that they don't particularly like you, partly because you do things like insult the boys' intelligence by suggesting that they would let you win the leg on purpose. The teams get on the plane, and Phil and the AYL inform us that they're on the way to Barcelona, where they'll take a taxi from the airport to a giant hedge maze with a clue in it somewhere. Yipes.
Barcelona! One of the few places the race has ever visited (outside the United States) where I have actually been. It was the worst summer of my life, probably, but that's neither here nor there. The plane lands, and all the teams run for cabs. "Rapido" is said quite a number of times as cab doors swing shut. As the BQs and A(AM!)s make their way along the road in cabs, Tyler says that they'll be sticking to the BQs for the rest of the leg. When the teams all reach the hedge maze, they learn that it's closed, and it won't open until 10:00 AM tomorrow.
And then it's night, and then it's going on 10:00 AM in Barcelona. As the teams stand around, the BQs decide they're going to call a taxi to have it ready when they're finished with this bit of business. They talk to some construction guys who have a phone with them and use it to call a taxi. Kandice tells the guy who's calling, in very broken -- as in shattered -- Spanish, that the driver should make sure he picks up two blonde women and nobody else. That's smart, at least. The other teams realize what they're doing and investigate. Rather preposterously, Rob tells Kim, "Use your sexuality," apparently to get the guys to call a taxi for them. That was... offensive, and yet so obviously stupid that I hardly know how to keep myself indignant. For Lyn and Karlyn, however, this taxi thing becomes a big hassle, because they're still very unhappy with each other from earlier. Lyn is trying to suggest they try to line up a taxi, but Karlyn will only give back a lot of passive-aggressive "whatever" and not looking her in the eye. Because... that was all Lyn's fault? In an interview given while Karlyn sits and looks pissed, Lyn says that Karlyn "has a short boiling point," and she herself doesn't like fighting, so she tends to let things drop. They continue to have issues over the taxi, essentially because Karlyn wants Lyn to decide herself what the team should do, which she logically doesn't want to. Kimberly, however, gets the construction guy to call her a taxi. Hilariously, as the BQs see this happen, Kandice snots that the other teams are "such copycats." Wow. Just... wow. They have followed other teams and copied what other teams were doing many, many, many times, not to mention the fact that calling to have a taxi ready before you leave is not exactly a pioneering achievement in the tenth season of a show in which it took place several times in the very first season. You're not the Professor, and a taxi is not a coconut radio. Their heads have swollen, I believe, to the size of watermelons. When the boys want in on the taxi action, Kim changes the order to two taxis.
At 10:00 AM, the gates open, and the teams run into the maze. There is a lot of random running-in-the-maze footage, which works better as a visual, since me sitting here describing POV shots of bushes isn't exactly going to keep you flipping to the . Everybody is scampering around in a hectic manner except for Lyn and Karlyn, who are calmly walking or lazily strolling, depending on your outlook. These first three teams find the clue box, and when they open the clue, it's a Detour. Phil explains that this requires a choice between "two activities that are part of traditional Spanish festivals." The choices are Lug It and Lob It, and I like it already. In Lug It, you travel four miles by taxi to Las Ramblas, then on foot to a bridge where there are nine-and-a-half-foot costumes of giants that they'll put on. Basically, you're the bottom half of the giant, and you're inside the pants or the skirt, and the top half of the giant is towering above your head as an extension of you, like another person sitting on your shoulders. Like a doll you're inside, you dig? Okay, because you kind of have to visualize it in order to understand why it might be hard. Anyway, you put these giants on, and then you walk a mile through the streets to a square where a "huge female giant" (is there any other kind?) is waiting. She will give you your clue. In Lob It, you take a taxi nine miles to a town square where "they'll take part in a tomato fight." Oh, boy! They'll "defend themselves" while hunting through a giant tomato pile for one that contains the clue.
Shortly after the three lead teams get the Detour clue and take off, the *lyns find the clue box and read the clue themselves. In the rather amusing segment, the lead teams get themselves totally turned around just trying to get out of the maze, while the *lyns walk out to the perimeter and calmly exit the thing. As the BQs run out with the A(AM!)s, Dustin (I think) bitches that it's crazy how the *lyns can walk and still find things, and Kandice (I think) says that "they're calmer," and then she adds, "It's pretty smart, actually." Yeah, no kidding. The net result of all of this is that all four teams basically exit the maze at the same time. When they get to the first taxi, the BQs basically declare it theirs and get right in. Rob and Kim find the taxi that has Rob's name, but there is no taxi there with Tyler and James's names, and the *lyns, of course, never ordered one in the first place because they were busy fighting. As the Pointies drive off, trying to follow the BQs, Kim speculates that the BQs will take the tomatoes rather than "lift heavy things." Rob agrees. But up in the BQ taxi, they've decided to do the giants, convinced that those will be faster. "We don't want to search," Dustin says.
So back at the maze entrance, the *lyns and A(AM!)s are sans taxi at this point. Tyler and James are unhappy, because their plan was to stick to the BQs, whom they've now lost. Frantic efforts to hail cabs follow. It appears that the cabs are not stopping, and I think one of the EEFPs said that in Barcelona, cabs are called from cab stands and not hailed on the street, and if that's true, it would explain quite a lot.
Commercials. Blair Underwood? Still cute. I knew a girl when I was 13 years old who was totally in love with him, and it's still a totally valid viewpoint.
When we return, the A(AM!)s finally get a taxi to stop, and they cooperate when the *lyns want their cab to call a second one for them. This makes sense, of course, because the last thing the A(AM!)s want, given their goal for the leg, is for the *lyns to wind up way behind. In the cab, Tyler and James aren't sure which Detour to do, but with the same strategy as the Pointies but different assumptions, they decide to go for the giants, figuring that's what the BQs will do. They conclude that the BQs generally go for the physical task when given the chance, so they're likely to pick the giants over the tomatoes. Again, it's interesting to see a team of women who are known to want the brawn task. I may not like the BQs, but I like what they represent, if you see what I mean. Tyler explains in the car that their strategy is to "follow them to the finish line and make sure they don't get first," which I took to mean that they don't intend to come in second but within 30 minutes; they intend to go with the BQs and then beat them at the last minute, which they can probably do. Finally, the *lyns' cab arrives, and they head for the tomatoes. In the cab, Lyn explains that they're not sure how heavy the giants would be or how long the distance would wind up being.
The BQs are stuck in traffic on the way to the giants.
So here we are at the giant tomato pile, where Rob and Kimberly are just arriving. If you said to yourself at this point, "This is going to be good," you are (1) not wrong; and (2) becoming very good at spotting genius in the making. They run into an empty town square, where a giant pile of tomatoes in the middle is surrounded by a larger ring of smaller tomato piles. Rob and Kim head for the big pile in the middle. As they start to hunt, a crowd of people comes running, spreads itself around the ring, and starts hurling tomatoes at Rob and Kim. Kimberly gives a couple of "ow" remarks as the tomatoes start to hit her in the shoulders and head. As Rob winds up and hurls a tomato at somebody, Kimberly almost immediately says that "this is stupid," and they "should do the other one." "Look for the damn clue," he says. Kimberly takes a tomato right on the back of her neck, pretty hard, and she tells him that they're "going to get hurt," because they're getting whole tomatoes flung at them. I have to say, I was kind of surprised that the show set this up this way. One of the EEFPs said that he/she had experienced a "tomato fight" like this, and the rule was that you had a squish the tomato first, so it wasn't like... you know, hurling a baseball at someone's head. I kind of get Kimberly's unhappiness about this situation, to be honest. Rob tells her to look while he throws tomatoes back at the hurlers. Three questions: (1) Isn't that a waste of his time? (2) Isn't that just going to make them throw more? (3) Isn't he worried about throwing a tomato with a clue in it? Just little things I am wondering. "I hate this one -- ow!" Kimberly says. "I just got nailed." See, she's taking it okay at the beginning, which is interesting.
We move to the BQ taxi, now on its way to the giants. Dustin is telling Kandice that the tomato fight might also have been a hoot. They repeat, once again, the business about the penalty they face if they don't come in first. Tyler and James are somewhere behind them, heading for the same Detour. Tyler wants to know if James is prepared to "dig deep." James hesitates, and then he's like, "Yeah, of course," and for the first time, one senses that he might be about to turn around and ask Tyler whether he'd like a whistle to go with that gym teacher's uniform he apparently thinks he's wearing. In the *lyns' cab, Lyn is talking about how frustrating it is to see the BQs always get to everything first, but she says she hopes that the rest of them can stay within a half-hour and knock the BQs out.
Tomato fight. Locals yelling, "Yaaaaaah!" Rob throwing tomatoes back at them. Kimberly looking through the pile, thinking that getting whanged with tomatoes isn't a whole lot of fun. She tells him that she's getting hit in the face, but he mostly ignores her. She says she's "done with this one," and she wants to leave. "They're hurting us," she says as she takes another tomato to the back of the head. "I'm done with it," she says. "No, no! I'm not leaving!" Rob protests, and he climbs into the tomato pile. Now, she's crying, and she says, "This is going to take forever."
The BQs are piling out of their taxi. They're meant to be at a bridge, but they don't see one around. The clue as Phil described it did talk about traveling on foot along Las Ramblas, so I'm not sure the bridge is supposed to be right there the way I think they're thinking it should be. They ask for directions, and locals continue to send them along toward the bridge.
Tomato hell. Kimberly is continuing to say that she wants to leave and go to the other one. "Just do the damn task, it's too late," he says. "No it's not too late," she says, sounding pretty calm. "Honey," he says, also sounding pretty calm. "Babe, it's not too late," she says, still sounding pretty calm. "I'm not doing it," he insists, sounding impatient but not freaked. And then Kimberly absolutely shrieks -- and I am not kidding, it is a shriek -- "LISTEN TO ME!" But it's the "LISSENDAMEE!" way. And then she repeats it: "LISSENDAMEE!" Wow, that was Freak. Eee. He doesn't even lose it at all; he kind of says, "I don't want to --" And she goes back to sounding rational, which is very weird, and she says, "If we get there, we won't be a half-hour behind the girls." She takes a couple more whaps with tomatoes. "We cannot be a half-hour behind them," she says, "and this is making me mad." What's so funny here is that they're reacting, both of them, to how much they can't stand having people throw shit at them -- her reaction is to ball up and want to leave, and his reaction is that suddenly, he loses it and starts occupying himself throwing tomatoes back at people. So now he won't leave, and he's not even helping. "BAAABE! Stop paying attention to them and get this," she says. "I'm getting hit by a tomato!" he says. "Who cares?" she says with frustration, since she is angry about getting hit by a tomato.
Oh my God, this is where I figured out that this was a metaphor for every relationship problem that people ever have in their lives. They are both getting hit by tomatoes. DO YOU GET IT? In life, you're both hit by tomatoes all the time, and -- seriously, this is so brilliant that I think some task planner wanted us all to learn how to be better at dealing with other people -- if one person wants to take one approach to getting away from the flying tomatoes, and the other person wants to take a different approach, they often wind up yelling at each other, even though the problem is that they are both getting hit by tomatoes. Kimberly has already told him that she's upset because she's getting belted and is afraid they'll get hurt, so she wants help, and he's like, "I can't help you, I'm getting hit by a tomato!" It's so brilliant it makes me dizzy. Seriously, not only is this why many relationships break up, but it's why we don't have world peace and it's why all the people in What's The Matter With Kansas? vote Republican. "Let's get out of here! I'm getting hit by a tomato!" "Sorry, can't hear you right now! Busy getting hit by a tomato!"
Okay, anyway. Rob goes back to "solving" the hit-by-tomatoes issue in his way, which is to throw tomatoes back at the locals, and Kimberly feels abandoned, of course, since now he's not helping her and she thinks therefore that he doesn't care. "I want to go," she says, half in tears again. "I wish you would listen to me." She gets hit with a couple more tomatoes, and it pushes her right over the line. "I'm going," she announces. "I'm done, I'm done. I'm done!" And she's acting all calm, all, "Doop-de-doo, I'm do-ooone!" Unfortunately, he just says, "I'm not done," and then she... rather hilariously turns around and shrieks, "NOOOO!" She announces, "I'm not doin' it." "Why can't you be tough?" he asks. Oh, that's a good idea. That's an even better idea than "You're not as heavy as I thought!" He goes on to complain, "We've been here for FIVE MINUTES!" "We're never going to find it!" she protests. "Dammit, Rob!"
Okay, so the metaphor continues, right? They're looking for basically the same outcome. She's sure they'll never achieve it this way, and he's sure they'll never achieve it the other way, and they both ultimately want exactly the same thing, but because they want to achieve it in different ways, they both think the other one doesn't care about the goal. Also, they can't get enough peace to have a constructive discussion about it, because they're too distracted to give it their full attention, because they're being pelted with tomatoes -- in your life, this would be the money, the job, the in-laws, the general daily bullshit... do you see what I mean? I realize I am utterly carried away, but this is fascinating to me. This is what happens when you are on, like, your 120th episode of a show.
Anyway, in less deeply meaningful Detour options, the BQs find their way to the giants. They each pick out a giant to wear, and they step inside. The giants' skirts turn out to have eyeholes in the front, which is kind of cute. So now they're wandering, heavy weight on their shoulders, barely able to see what they're doing, just desperately trying to get from here to there without falling down. That, of course, is a metaphor for everyone's entire life, but we'll leave it alone. They start to walk, talking about how important it is for them to be first.
Tomato relationship counseling. "We're going to be a half-hour behind the girls," Kimberly says miserably. "I want to GO!" And then Rob, bless his foolish heart, says with this utter bafflement, "Stop crying, dude." Telling her to stop crying does not stop her from crying, as anyone who cries regularly could tell you it wouldn't. "This is going to take forever, and I don't want -- ow!" She gets slammed in the face with a tomato. "I'm done," she sobs. And then she picks up some tomatoes, says (I believe) "Fuck all of you," and starts throwing them back at the crowd. That girl needs a hug. "I am done with this. No, I am out of here," she says, walking toward the car. "Please God," Rob says, apropos of nothing. "I'm not getting hit in the face again," she says. And then she shrieks, "BAAAABE!" "Just gave up," he pronounces. "I'm done," she says again as they run to the car. "Way to go, Kim," he says sarcastically. "Way to cry." Wait a minute, "way to... cry"? I have to say, I think this is a fundamental difference between people that's very hard to alter. "Way to cry" is a lot like "way to sneeze." Like, in theory, you could make yourself sneeze, but it's mostly an involuntary reaction, and it's not really a chosen behavior. In most cases in which I wind up crying, I want me to stop crying infinitely more than anyone else does. I happen to cry easily, which often makes people conclude that I'm more distraught than I actually am, and telling me "way to cry" is probably about the least productive thing you could try when it's happening.
Kim decides to protest: "I'm not crying!" He says, "I can't believe you, just because you're getting hit by a couple of tomatoes." Here's a news flash, "dude": she's not upset because she was getting hit by tomatoes. She was upset because she was getting hit by tomatoes and it didn't seem like you gave a shit, even though you gave a shit when it was happening to you. She felt alone in what was happening, and that's what was freaking her out. He continues, as they go to the car: "Let's go. You just gave up! You want to go so bad? You just blew it. You just blew it. You just threw in the damn towel." Her hair full of tomato seeds, she bends over the side of the cab miserably.
So, to recap: they needed to recognize that both the long-term goal (find the clue) and the logistical difficulty along the way (pelted with tomatoes) were to be mutually attacked, and they didn't. Instead, they each tried to come up with their own strategy for doing both, and when they didn't agree on strategy, they each concluded that the other didn't adequately care and was doing it wrong. She became so desperate to be listened to that she bailed out entirely, which only made him angrier, because now he really thought she didn't care. Also, it was very difficult for Rob to admit that he didn't like being pelted with tomatoes, so he denied that it bothered him, which both (1) kept them from discussing the problem straightforwardly, and (2) made her feel like he was ridiculing her for actually being bothered by being pelted with tomatoes. Who knew this Detour was this genius?
Commercials. Diamonds are pretty, but not very practical.
Back at the Pointies' cab, Rob asks the driver how far it is to Las Ramblas, to the other Detour option. He says it's 20 kilometers. "No way," he tells her. "We have to do it." She immediately calms down and heads back to the tomato pile. Because now, there's a reason why they have to stay and do it other than that he simply won't consider not doing it. He asks her again why she's crying. "Because this is going to take forever, and I don't want -- " "It's taking forever, so you're crying," he says in disbelief. His tone changes, at least according to the edit. "We have to do it, just take your time," he says slowly, as if he cares how she feels. "Take a beat and put your head down," he says. "I am," she protests, getting hit again. "I don't understand how it's in here," she says. "Oh!" he hollers. He picks up a tomato that he appears to have squished with his feet, and he pulls out a clue capsule. "We got it, baby." They pull out the clue. "Travel by taxi to the pit stop," Kimberly reads, over the words that somewhat surprisingly say, "Currently in 1st Place." Phil explains that this will mean finding a fountain on the other side of Barcelona. The last team here... may be eliminated.
The pressure off, Rob and Kim start to decompress as they change their clothes. "I just hated that, it hurt," she says, finally just expressing without hostility what was bothering her about it. "It was a needle... in a tomato stack," he says. Heh. They get in the cab.
The BQs, meanwhile, are wandering around in their giant costumes. They stop to ask directions from a guy who doesn't understand them. I have to say, I'm wondering if they kind of let their navigation skills get soft by constantly hiring people to lead them around. They really, in these last couple of legs, have seemed lost when they had to do the navigating on their own.
In the back of the Pointy cab, Rob says, "I'm sorry I yelled, babe, I could not have us leave, babe." He extends a hand toward her, and she takes it. "I just started freaking out, because I thought, 'we're never going to find it.'" "Baby, you have to have faith sometimes." I'm not sure I'm pleased to see them resolve this by implying that he was entirely right and she just gave up too easily, but my hope is that he also understands that he could have stood to be a little more sympathetic. I hope.
Tyler and James are still in traffic on the way to the giants.
Lyn and Karlyn arrive at the tomatoes. When Lyn takes her first tomato to the side of the head, she grabs one, tosses it back, and says, "Bastards." Hee. I totally give a pass for that, given that it's a combat situation and she's reacting on instinct, and I don't honestly think anybody even heard her. She said it out loud, but it was more for herself than for them. She and Karlyn continue looking, and they continue getting pelted.
Finally, the A(AM!)s are out of their cab. They find the giants and get into the costumes. Tyler's all, "You look awesome, bro," and in the line wisely chosen for the episode title, James says, "Dude, I'm such a hot giant chick right now." It looks like it's not long after they leave when the boys run into the BQs, who apparently haven't made very much progress in a decent amount of time they had as a head start. As the two teams wait to cross a street, Tyler asks James how it smells under the giant's skirt. "Ripe," James says.
In the Pointy cab, there is yet another discussion in which Rob restates that he really, really wants to get rid of the BQs. I think I understand that part.
Speaking of them, the BQs and A(AM!)s are still looking for the big giant with the clue, and James speculates that the tomatoes could be taking forever. Back at the tomatoes, Karlyn is very unhappy, and says, "Do you want to continue to waste time here?" Lyn allows that it's "tedious," but she thinks they can do it. Karlyn insists that they have to leave, so Lyn says that if Karlyn really wants to go, they can go. Karlyn complains that Lyn is putting it on her to decide, and Lyn basically says she already offered her opinion. Seriously, what is Karlyn saying? What option does Lyn have that would please Karlyn, other than unquestioning agreement?
The A(AM!)s and BQs are still wandering, still looking for directions to the really big giant. The A(AM!)s wind up getting directions and trying to slip away from the BQs.
Lyn finally finds the tomato with the clue in it. "Come on, sister!" Karlyn says happily, pulling Lyn out of the tomato pile. She follows with, "Good job, sister!" And... "sister." I would certainly hope that that's where the BQs got it, in which case it's more incredibly ill-advised and less offensive. Nicely enough, as they're leaving, Karlyn says that the stress gets to her in these situations, and she's not good at handling it. "And I apologize for that," she says. "I accept your apology," Lyn tells her. Aw, that was cool. Hey, you can't have everything, but at least the apology helps some. They get in their taxi and tell their driver to go fast.
And here are Rob and Kimberly, running up the steps, and there's Phil at the mat with the greeter. Welcome, Pointies. You are team number one. Their first act is a giant hug. I like that. It's the ones who stare coldly at each other on the mat even when they do well who always freak my shit right out. Phil also tells them that they've won a trip to a spa resort in Barbados. Well, that's nice. Also: "snorkeling with giant sea turtles." That sounds... kind of dangerous. I hope they're not carnivorous giant sea turtles. Phil asks them whether they think the other teams want to win as badly as they do. Kimberly says that she thinks their relationship, rather than the other teams' friendships, makes them have "more to gain." Rob starts to cry as he tells Phil that winning would mean a lot to him. Kim kisses him, and they have a nice clinch. ["True. And yet: way to cry, Rob." -- Joe R] Rob tells us that he wants the million bucks to start a family with Kimberly. He says he wants to marry her. On the mat, he tells her he loves her. "It would be a start to a life together." There is a shot of them staring off into the distance that is designed to keep you from thinking about the fact that it will be a life together full of yelling, unless they manage to do some work on the old personal relationship.
Finally, the BQs and A(AM!)s reach the lady giant who has their clue. They both leave, heading for the pit stop in taxis. Both teams seem to hop into their taxis at approximately the same time. In the taxi, Dustin is talking about getting to the mat ahead of the A(AM!)s, but in fact, it makes no difference at this point. Kandice is frustrated that they spent the whole leg staying with the boys in the first place, which was not the way to go, as she's pointing out. As for the boys, Tyler is saying that it seems like a "real possibility" that they'll be first and the BQs will be second, but that everyone else will be at least a half-hour behind. He says, of course, that the tomato Detour was "way, way out of the city."
And here are the *lyns in their taxi on the way to the pit stop. Lyn says that they're "playing the 'hurry up and wait' game." The traffic, she is brutal.
Zzzzoink! Zoink! Zoink! The music grows tense again as we look in at the pit stop, where the boys are leaping out of their taxi and running up the steps to look for Phil. The BQs are also hopping out and looking, but neither team is seeing the pit stop. Both of the teams are a bit confused, but then the BQs find a lady who tells them, in English, how to get to the fountain that's between two tall pillars. They take off, and the boys are right behind them.
And here, at some other place and time not necessarily having anything to do with what's going on with the boys and BQs, here are the *lyns getting out of their cab. James and Tyler, still looking. Dustin and Kandice, still looking. Lyn and Karlyn, still looking. Dustin doesn't understand how people can not know what she's looking for. The A(AM!)s find a guy who says "upstairs," so they head up the stairs.
And here is Phil, at the top of the stairs, and here are... the *lyns, ready to check in. Welcome, Lyn and Karlyn, you are team number two. "Hello, pretty lady," Lyn says. They are very happy. Phil points out to the *lyns that they are the first woman-woman team to make it into the final three. Which, in the tenth season, is pretty unfortunate. I've always said, and I still believe, that there are a number of female teams that could have made the final three and just happened not to. There have been plenty of final three teams that weren't particularly great at racing. I think the show has been unlucky in some ways, but it's nice not to have it sticking out like a sore thumb that a team of women has never crossed the finish line, even if this is not the team I would have chosen. Lyn interviews that all they have to do now is "seal the deal."
Someone is running up to the mat. It's... James and Tyler. Welcome, you are team number three. They are very happy about this, actually, because they grasp the meaning instantly. Phil comments that they "overtook the girls," and Tyler says it was "this close, though."
And here, complete with the sad music, come the BQs. You are the last team to arrive, and you are eliminated. Phil comments that everyone was trying to get rid of them. In an interview, Dustin says that they were just sure they could do it. Dustin goes on to explain that they "don't know how to do anything halfway." Except... get through the final two legs of the race, I guess. My favorite part is where Kandice says they couldn't give up "even if [they] tried." They are that awesome. And they don't want you to forget it. She hopes that they have busted all stereotypes that they're "playing with [their] tiaras all day." I really... don't think that's the stereotype you need to worry about. I'm certainly glad that there was a cocky, obnoxious, self-congratulatory "we are so intense" team that was made up of women. It's about time, you know? But it doesn't make me like them.
In the leadup to the finale, we get the three teams making the usual "we're going to win" vows. They all feel completely confident. It is every team for itself. Take them to your leader. Lyn thinks she and Karlyn will win because they "remain calm." Erm... huh. Kimberly thinks she and Rob can "get through anything." James notes that he and Tyler have come in first more than anyone. Lyn says they have "plenty of brain power and more heart" than the more physically imposing teams. Everybody is sure that they! Will! Win!
Meet you at Stitch.
Executive Producer: Jerry Bruckheimer.
week: Dun dun duuuuuun! Skydiving! Trains! Limited seating! Taxi racing! Running with smiles! What! Will! Happen?