In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close. Morocco beckons, so the teams head off in that direction. Dustin and Kandice make a bad error in judgment at the airport, but they wind up not paying any sort of price for it. Then they do a poor job navigating, but they wind up not paying a price for that either, and they actually get to the Yield mat in time to Yield Lyn and Karlyn, the latter of whom gives a completely appalling speech about how crappy it is the BQs to Yield her when she was about to Yield them first. It's pretty atrocious. The Roadblock involves doing little other than riding around on a chariot, but the Detour requires some navigation that once again befuddles the BQs (who have lost their mojo after hiring taxis to lead them everywhere for a couple of legs). They fall behind yet again, and despite the fact that Rob and Kimberly have the worst car luck in the history of car luck and have to stop to change a flat, the BQs still come in last, at the opposite end from the A(AM!)s, who come in first. The BQs are not eliminated, though they are "marked," just like Dave and Mary were twice. Oh, and they really, really, really need to stop insistently calling Lyn and Karlyn "sistas," because it's gross and totally not okay. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on Losing The Race Made My Parents Very Proud: Everyone grooved on their radiation vibe all the way to Ukraine, where they piloted tanks and (in some cases) got waist-deep in the big muddy, though not in the George Bush sense. Then, they executed a music Detour that unfortunately led several teams to perform horrible and inept rap, bringing new meaning to "executed." The *lyns were incredibly aggravated about the fact that the *wins, whom they were following, weren't driving faster. Also, they would prefer to have their free candy provided with the wrapping removed, their found money wrapped in gold, and their keys to the kingdom placed on a more attractive ring. The *wins just wanted everyone to be nice, because it's not show business, it's show friends. In fact, the *wins literally stayed behind to place themselves in a tie for last, just so they and the *lyns could stick together like the Brady Bunch, perhaps reinventing the concept of being unclear on the concept. The *lyns ultimately abandoned their alliance, leaving the *wins high and dry and out of luck after their navigation skills failed them and they got pulled over by the police. Unfortunately, this was not the movie Honey, so the *wins could not approach the *lyns and say in their Josh Baskin voices, "Yo, bitch, why you gotta do me like that?" At the mat, the *wins assured us all that while they lost, they never compromised their integrity, as they would have if they had attempted to win a competition, and they hope that you can live with yourself the time you buy Park Place, you dirty bastard. We are down to the final four. Who will be eliminated... ?
Credits. I think Sarah was never that happy with Peter again after that shot was taken. I kind of can see her in my mind's eye, ironically liberated because she's bolting away from him on a leg he built. I mean, seriously: can you imagine if you could essentially kick a guy in the ass with a foot of his own making? Rock on, Sarah.
Commercials. That movie where the kids are stuck in the airport? That movie and I are already sworn enemies. We hate each other with the burning, and the anger, and the bitterness, and the fact that even having that adorable dude from Everybody Hates Chris does not change anything. If Lewis Black turns into Tim Allen, I will know that it's about time for the end of the world.
Phil explains that we are in Kiev, which contains statues, as well as tall and nondescript apartment buildings. And it's cold. Wait, maybe I'm looking out the window. Phil reminds us that the Great Patriotic War Memorial is our pit stop. I'm not sure how that's actually written in the original, but I like the idea of a "Great Patriotic War Memorial." It's like they ran out of words other than "Awesome," which could have been used in both senses. Phil wonders, over dramatic black and white footage of Dave and Mary and the *wins that suggests that both teams were eliminated sometime during the Gilded Age, whether the *lyns will be successful without their alliance, which was doing a great job up to this point keeping them mere millimeters from last place.
Milan, 11:45 AM. The BQs get off the plane in a tizzy about how they have to hustle to make their connection. Dustin tells us that they're now standing at the counter, and they've been told that they missed the flight, because you have to be there 50 minutes before, and it's now 45 minutes before. The ticket lady, who doesn't speak very good English, ultimately reports that it's "not okay," and they can't get on the flight. They continue to push, and the lady says, "I said the flight is closed." She does have other work to do, ladies, and you missed the deadline that they undoubtedly could have told you about in Kiev, and you're the ones who decided to take the closest connection you can possibly have, so what do you have to gripe about? Oh, of course. "She was such a bitch!" Kandice announces as they walk away. "She was so unhelpful and so unkind," Dustin says contemptuously. Seriously, how dare an airline not bend rules for Miss California and Miss New York? It's kind of great, because they're, like, defining "sense of entitlement" here. time somebody asks me about that expression, this is where I'm sending them. Because... I mean, you can ask for special dispensation, but you can't expect it. The other thing is that given what we've already seen of Dustin's tendency to assume that people in the service industry are nitwits if they don't do what she wants, you can bet that this attitude she's strutting around with right now was entirely visible to the lady at the counter. The idea that anybody is obligated to stretch their rules for you is absurd. I mean, there's always going to be such a thing as missing a plane by five minutes. They make the rule 50, and you can't believe they wouldn't let you get on at 45. Then you know they let you get on at 45 last time, and you can't believe they won't let you on at 40. And before long, it's anarchy, and planes are never leaving, all to please people who voluntarily chose very tight connections to begin with. It's one of the most human and least appealing things you see on this show, this way that people vent their unhappiness at their own mistake by blaming other people. Dustin isn't angry; she feels stupid, which is fine, but different, and if she'd just say that, it would all be over, and she'd get sympathy, because everybody feels stupid sometimes. They go off in search of another flight.
In Paris, it's 1:20 PM, and the flight carrying the other three teams is arriving. Tyler and James and the Pointies get right on toward Casablanca, but the *lyns have to wait around. They use the time wisely by spreading out a giant map on the floor and figuring out what the hell they're doing once they get to Ourzazate. I know a couple of five-year-olds who would be in utter heaven rolling around on that giant, unfamiliar map she has.
Meanwhile, the A(AM!)s and Pointies wait for the BQs to get directions. As they're all sitting there clueless, they see the *lyns drive by and, of course, assume they have no idea where they're going. The *lyns ask a guy on the street about Atlas Studios, and they hustle him into the car and get going. He tells them they need to turn around.
At the BQs car, the Americans with the camera crew start to attract a lot of attention, and a bunch of local guys start walking over. There's no indication that the guys are anything other than looky-loos, but quite understandably, Dustin wants to err on the side of caution and get back in the car. Probably a good move. While all these guys stand around, the Pointies and A(AM!)s decide that this is not going to go well, so they bail on the situation and go look for someone else to ask. The BQs, meanwhile, think the guys around them are "harmless," and they actually wind up putting one in their car and taking him along for help. I'm not sure I'd pick up a guy at night in a not-very-populated area like that, even with the camera and sound guys as backup. But they do, and they're off.
Meanwhile, Rob finds somebody he thinks they can ask. This guy, too, winds up being hustled into the car. The BQs, at this point, are not feeling very confident as they drive with their guy through near-darkness. The Pointies' guy, however, leads them and Tyler and James to the Kasbah area, so they hop out and start looking around. They find the antique shop, and one at a time, they head in to fetch their clues. "The blondes were here, 'cause there's two left," Kimberly says as she takes her charm. Of course, she assumes that if somebody was here before them and the A(AM!)s, it had to be the BQs. Understandable, but... wrong. They read the Atlas Studios clue. These two teams get on their way to the studios.
Meanwhile, the *lyns are talking about how they want to get to the Yield first, and Lyn reports that Karlyn "definitely wants to Yield the Barbies." Karlyn says she's been "trying to slow them up since the beginning of the race." The BQs, however, don't currently need slowing, because their guy has not taken them to the Kasbah area they have in mind. They're sort of out in deserted, unlit territory, so if this is a Kasbah, it's... maybe the Kasbah Outlet Mall or something. Dustin resolves to take the guy back where they got him and try again. I appreciate the fact that she's not going to just dump him out in the desert. Finally, they make their way to the antique shop, and when they get their charm and their clue, they are not happy to realize that they are in last place headed toward a Yield. On the topic of being in last place, Dustin nearly spits, "How did the sistas find it?" Man, oh man, she really needs to stop doing that. That's gotten very ugly, and what bugs me more is that she always says it when she's pissed off or feels like they might be beating her. And she always says it in that exaggerated way, like dialect, you know? Why doesn't she say "sisters"? Why does she say "sistas"? Because... I mean, look. I'm sure she's a well-intentioned person, and I'm sure she thought this would look a particular way, and she's probably horrified that it looks this other way instead. But... she's making fun of the way people talk, and when you're making an explicitly racially based remark that makes fun of the way the people you're talking about talk, you're in an awfully dangerous area. I'm sure she will get such an earful about it that she will not do something like it again, but this is something I hope to see her apologize for after this is all over, because this is an uncomfortable thing she should not be doing. She says it again, almost right away. "The sistas might be in the lead right now, actually." I hate that. I haaaate that.
Karlyn, meanwhile, is speculating that beating the BQs to the Yield will be fun, because they "usually get everywhere before we do." "What goes around comes around," Lyn adds, and we flash back on the BQs, preparing to have what goes around come around, hopefully as gently as possible.
Commercials. The Power Through And Go Moment was ditching the *wins? That wasn't Power Through And Go, really. That was... Limp Less Than The Other Guy. America is so fickle.
When we return, the BQs are still unhappy about their position, while the *lyns attempt to remain cautiously optimistic. The *lyns arrive at Atlas Studios, where they are on the hunt for the Yield. But when they get there, they find that the entire thing is behind a gate, and the hours of operation don't start until 8:00 in the morning. Realizing they have no options, the *lyns get in their car to at least get some sleep. The Pointies and A(AM!)s arrive . They're pleased not to see the BQs, and they're surprised, and I think a little humbled, to see the *lyns. Tyler explains in an interview that they all were rather surprised to be beaten out by the *lyns, and I think you can conclude that this whole thing woke them up a little bit. The BQs arrive last and realize that everyone else is there ahead of them. They also realize, however, that it's closed, and Kandice starts cackling. Everybody goes to sleep in their various SUVs. So that's two mistakes -- the connection and the bad navigating -- that have been negated.
The morning, everyone is waiting behind the gate, so it's clearly going to be a foot race, meaning that the *lyns' advantage for handling the beginning of the leg better than any of the rest of the teams is going to come to absolutely nothing. The gates open. Everyone runs. The first to the box are Tyler and James, who choose not to Yield anyone. Second are Rob and Kimberly, who also don't Yield anyone. This leaves the BQs, who get there before the *lyns and Yield them. Which makes perfect sense, since it's almost the end of the race and it makes sense to use it against somebody, particularly if you're in third place. It's a highly rational use of the Yield, all things considered, especially compared to some other uses of it. Interestingly, when Dustin is standing on the mat, "presenting" her decision to the camera, not angry, knowing she has a leg up on the *lyns, she refers to them as "Alabama." And not "the sistas." Isn't that interesting? And while I'm totally on board with the Yield, the part where they paste up the *lyns' picture all, "If we didn't do this, we wouldn't be playing our best game," as if they regret doing it, which they don't, is totally disingenuous. You're not sorry to do it! Don't act like you are!