In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Still in Vietnam, the teams try out one of those tricky ascender Roadblocks, where Karlyn proves that she's learned a little about climbing since the Great Wall, Sarah proves that she doesn't know how to pick Roadblocks, and Peter proves that he's still a jackass. At the Detour, rowing proves to be a problem for a lot of teams, including Rob and Kimberly, who almost come to blows before finally finishing in first place. Peter wants to quit, and he doesn't want Sarah to be encouraging when he's trying to work. Hello, irony. In the end, it all comes down to Tom and Terry dragging their boat through the water and Dustin and Kandice trying to read their clue, and Dustin and Kandice manage to pull out the victory. While the boat-dragging was certainly ambitious, it appears that Tom and Terry are merely the latest victims of their own odd decision-making, and it's another elimination actually affected by skill and decision-making rather than luck. It's remarkable how much more satisfying the show is when all the eliminations are thoroughly earned. Also: Peter is about to get dumped. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on Pack That Coal!: Vietnam brought flower-selling, navigation issues, the surprising emergence of money management as an important factor, and serious problems for Duke and Lauren. In it, then out of it. Then in it, then out of it. Ultimately, even though Tom and Terry suffered a 30-minute penalty for blatantly ignoring the directions, Duke and Lauren weren't able to make up the time they lost wandering around looking for the Detour, and they were Philiminated. Goodbye, Duke and Lauren. Eight teams left. Who will be eliminated...tonight? I mean...""?
Credits. If you're not singing along with the theme music by now, you're just missing all the best things in life.
We are in Hanoi, where an orange-shirted Phil explains that the big rice paddy he is currently trampling into economic irrelevance was the third pit stop in a race-around-the-world. It turns out that at the end of the most recent leg, Pointy Rob collapsed and had to be treated for heat exhaustion, because being Intense⢠is exhausting. Apparently, the treatment involved soaking his feet, pouring water over him, and taking his pulse. Spa day! Eventually, he was "deemed fit enough to continue." Mary still has a sprained ankle, and there is no word on Sarah and the leak that has developed in the WonderLeg 3000.
10:55 PM. The *wins. When they tear the clue, it tells them to take a taxi to Hanoi. Phil explains that this is about a 20-mile trek, and they're looking for the Ly Thai To Garden, where they will, as Phil says, "listen for their clue." "Listen"? Hmm, sounds interesting -- no pun intended. The teams get 588,000 Vietnamese dong. This is, if you're curious, about $36.50. They'll be collecting their money from a man sitting at a table, much as you respectfully do in any foreign country in the middle of the night, or in Vegas. Erwin now talks to us about how being Asian-American on the race is "a big responsibility," just as they count their money. He says that they want to show themselves to be great competitors and show off their personalities, including their senses of humor. (This is the part where my Music Stylist commented, "We're just here to prove that two incredibly buff men with post-graduate degrees can succeed in life." And I lowered the level of the debate by adding, "Even if they're Asian-American!" We're going to hell together.) In this case, their senses of humor consist of saying, "We're going to Disneyland!" If you feel the need, call your friends and tell them that Asian-Americans, too, can use jokes from five years ago.
11:22 PM. Tyler and James. In a hilariously sick moment (this is what happens when I watch with other tacky-minded people), Tyler talks about how he and James have been through a lot together. He says, "I know that when he's down, I'll try to pick him up. And if I'm down, he'll pick me up. It's always been that way in our friendship." And all that is heard in the room where I am watching the show is two people saying in unison, "Especially when we were doing a lot of drugs." They take off in their cab, with Tyler saying, "Let's see how much dong you got," and the two of them laugh, and I'd like to say something disapproving, except that it's not like I'm too good for that joke. Like, at all. Although James then adds, "He's honkin' for dong," and I don't find that as amusing. Leave it at the one joke. The simpler joke. The joke with less sophisticated craftsmanship. That's always the right one.
11:26 PM. Rob and Kimberly. Rob tells us that he feels better after his little experience with heat exhaustion. As they leave, he tells us that control is a big thing in their relationship, which will come as a surprise if you've been watching something else instead of this for the last few weeks. In an interview, he says that he has to work on being controlling at least as much, if not more, than Kimberly does. And: no argument there, kid.
11:27 PM. Dustin and Kandice. Dustin interviews that she thinks people are beginning to understand that they're very competitive and willing to work hard. As they leave, they muse about paying the other people's taxis to leave. "Easy peasy," says Kandice. Easy what? I don't even known what a "peasy" is, or what it means to have an easy one.
11:29 PM. Peter and Sarah. Sarah's full monologue here is worth listening to and appreciating: "Peter's a complicated guy, and there are some things I've found surprising and wonderful. And other things that I've seen where I'm kind of...I don't know if 'disappointed' is the right word, but it surprises me. It's not what I would think about his character." Translation: "Oh my God, was he always this much of a dick? Because, seriously, the fact that none of my friends told me makes me think I need new ones."
11:31 PM. Lyn and Karlyn. Lyn says that this is the longest she's ever been away from her kids, but winning will help her better their lives. I don't know. As one of the EEFPs pointed out, this is kind of like being all, "I'm going to Vegas to play craps to help my kids!" Because theoretically, yes, but if you're going to take a month out of your life to do something to better your situation with your kids, I'm not convinced a reality show is the best way. Not to say it's wrong to do it, at all, but the "I'm doing this because it's the best way I can think of to improve my children's lives" business? It does seem kind of sketchy to me. Karlyn says the same thing, and I'm sure they're sincere, and this kind of thing goes back to Frank and Margarita, but I just don't totally understand it. It's not savings bonds. Lyn teaches high school and Karlyn is a programming analyst, according to their bios, so it's not like this is their only shot at money.
All these teams, which were unusually jammed up from that tight start, are in their taxis, and Peter and Sarah are passing Dustin and Kandice. I don't think the BQs are going to enjoy being passed by Peter, The Patron Saint Of Leg Men.
11:32 PM. Dave and Mary. Mary tells us that if it gets any harder, she'll have to turn into Superwoman, because she already has the busted foot and everything. She refers to herself as "a couch potato," and she says that she stays home and watches a lot of reality television, which I completely believe. I can completely see Mary as, say, a Top Model viewer, and I'm confident that she has strong opinions about Survivor. She goes on to say that she's staying in the race somehow, just "doing it for [her] kids." That seems to be the theme of the season, certainly. Many children are benefiting from all this television exposure. Once they're in their cab, Mary happily observes that they're "within minutes of everybody." Indeed, it looks like that was a close finish last week and effectively stuck people close together.
11:48 PM. Tom and Terry, eating the results of their half-hour penalty from last week by leaving last instead of leaving second. Terry interviews that it's no fun being at the back. You know what is fun? Reading the directions. They insist that their bad position is not going to upset them; they're just going to keep going with their "same energy" intact. Hmm. I would accept some modifications. Like...I was hoping for less self-righteousness, in terms of the energy. They do vow to "pay a little bit more attention." Just a tiny bit. Just enough to read all the words on the clue and in the famous "additional information," which I predict is where the no-motorbikes rule was found.
Erwin and Godwin are in their taxi, but they're wondering where their driver is taking them. Apparently, they aren't feeling too confident that this is going in the right direction. Tyler and James, however, are arriving at the park where the teams have been sent. We can hear that a disembodied voice is saying, "Attention Racers." Hey, Bert is calling an audible! Tyler and James can hear the voice, and they start to wander around trying to find it. Elsewhere, Peter and Sarah pass Rob and Kimberly's taxi, and Kimberly comments, "Peter kind of bugs us." She does it in this way that makes it clear that she would like to say much, much more, and for a moment, I really dig Kimberly. Rob adds that he'd really like to finish right in front of Peter and Sarah. Mostly right in front of Peter, I think. Maybe with his foot on Peter's neck. Speaking of whom, when Peter and Sarah get out of their car, Sarah doesn't understand why he's standing around, and he says, "I'm trying to listen, Sarah," like she's four years old and he wants her to shut up so he can put her Spongebob Squarepants video on. ["I don't know exactly how annoying everyone else thinks Peter is, but I am here to tell you, he is that much more annoying to those of us named 'Sarah.'" -- Sars] Rob and Kimberly are right behind, and here come Dustin and Kandice. When the BQs get there, one of them comments, "I'm very auditory, so hopefully, this won't be too hard for us." Did she say she's "auditory"? I don't even know how you'd identify yourself as "auditory." If you're musical, maybe. Or if you're a Foley artist. In the episode's most embarrassing moment, they pause at some kind of thing, which appears to be a platform of small plants or something, and they hear crickets. So they stop to listen to the crickets. It's an interesting thought, but I think the likelihood that the crickets are going to be chanting the clue is relatively small, no matter how closely you listen. Eventually, they move on. Dude, it's probably not crickets talking when you're supposed to hear the clue. Although if it had been crickets -- if the clue were to go to Cricket Bay or something, they'd look like fucking geniuses, wouldn't they?
Erwin and Godwin stop with their driver to get some directions. Lyn and Karlyn, on the other hand, have found the park. Lyn hears the voice, and they move toward it. Meanwhile, Tyler and James are finding it as well. I like the part where one of the A(AM!)s is like, "Am I the only one who hears that?" He's afraid he might be hallucinating, and I dig that. As we finally hear, the voice (and I cannot improve upon the description by EEFP El Guapo, who noted that it sounds like it's "straight from Disney Hanoi's Hall Of Vietnamese Presidents") says, "Attention Racers. Taxi across the Red River to Ben Xe Gia Lam. Then take a bus to Ben Xe Bai Chay. Then find the Hydrofoil Harbor." And yes, there are captions, because I do not speak perfect Vietnamese, surprisingly enough. ["... Fired." -- Sars] Having taken some notes, Lyn and Karlyn go back to their cab. Dustin and Kandice are taking off as well. Tyler and James take a different approach -- once they get a cab, they bring their driver over to listen to the clue. Peter and Sarah do the same with their driver. I think that's unquestionably the way to go, unless you want to try to replicate Vietnamese names phonetically based on the work of a person whose accent you probably can't completely predict. Rob and Kimberly decide to just follow Tyler and James, which is hugely risky. James and Tyler see the Pointies, but it isn't clear whether the boys are allowing the following on purpose. Peter and Sarah leave in their cab.
Rob grows frustrated with his driver, whom he believes to be making inadequate efforts to stay close to Tyler and James. "What are you waiting for, bro?" he wonders. I can't think that calling your cab driver "bro" is a promising strategy when you've determined that he barely speaks English. Throwing in the random syllable at the end of the semi-rhetorical question? That's just going to confuse everyone. Kimberly tries to keep him calm. Rob explicitly threatens to freak out; she says she'd rather do without the freaking out, actually. The Pointy driver does lose track of the boys, though, and the boys take note that they are no longer being followed. It appears that Rob and Kimberly now have no idea where they're going at all, and she thinks it might be better to just bag on their cab and go back. Ouch. So they left with nothing but following. That isn't smart.
The *wins and Tom and Terry are getting to the park at last, followed by a trailing Dave and Mary. Mary is working on her Vietnamese with her driver, and she finally pauses and says, "I like you!" "You ain't taking him home," Dave deadpans. "I love him! He's so cool!" Mary says enthusiastically. She is super-excited. It's either a refreshing lack of xenophobia or a honkload of caffeine. It's true that Mary verges on wanting to keep people from other countries as adorable pets, but for the moment, she's okay with me. Mary is very excited to see the *wins up ahead, approaching the park. When she and Dave get out to listen for the clue, she forces a little awkward hug on her driver. I tolerate that better when it's out of an explosion of enthusiasm the way it is from her, but really, Mary...not everybody likes hugs from strangers. Boundaries!
Rob and Kimberly are back at the park, and they bail out and let their cab go. Rob apparently stiffs the driver for not following Tyler and James effectively enough. Boo! It seems to me you have to pay the fare whether or not the guy can effectively follow another cab. At any rate, they flag down a new driver and have him listen with them to the clue. The rest of the teams are taking notes and collaborating with drivers as well. Everybody gets on their way, but Rob is already anxious that their new driver is "stoned." "Bro." He is a hard man to please. And immediately, they start complaining that their guy is driving in a circle, doesn't know where he's going, on and on and on. "Absolute communication breakdown," Rob says miserably. Kimberly tells him to calm down, but awesomely, Rob says, "He's just toying with us right now." Ah, yes. The driver is up in the front seat, rubbing his hands together and cackling to himself. "They will never see it coming -- never! I will toy with them. TOY, I tell you!" Rob wants out of this terrible, terrible cab with its inconsiderate driver who only speaks the language of the country where he lives.
When we return from commercials, the Pointies arrive at the garden once again. They bail out of the cab and stiff this driver as well. They now get a third driver, and he finally listens to the clue with them. He indicates that he knows where he's going, so off they go. "Finally, a competent cab driver," Rob snots once they're on their way. He adds, "I'm done talking with foreigners." All righty, then. That ought to make for an interesting race. He has just made another argument in favor of my favorite imaginary rule: You Say It, You Do It. It goes for "I quit -- I'm done!", "I am never talking to you again," "I'm not doing that," and now, "I'm done talking with foreigners." What I'd really like is if the message could be spread to all the world's "foreigners," so that wherever Rob went, when he tried to ask directions, the person he talked to would say, in his or her native language, "I'm sorry, did someone say something? I thought I heard something, almost like someone talking to a foreigner, but...wait, did you hear anything?" And his companion would say, "Oh, no, Pierre, I didn't hear anything," and then they would laugh and go back to smoking.
Meanwhile, it seems that Mary and Dave's driver is confused, and he needs to get out of the cab and listen to the clue again. Yipes. That is not good news.
You'll remember that way back a long time ago, a couple of teams took off right away from the park without making sure their drivers knew where they were going, and we now check in with those teams: first, we see Lyn and Karlyn, who are realizing that their driver in fact doesn't know where to go. You can kind of tell that they're in trouble with all the phonetic Vietnamese, given that Karlyn has written down "Hydroform Tavern" instead of "Hydrofoil Harbor." Even the English words did not survive the note-taking intact, so you can only imagine how crystal-clear the sounded-out Vietnamese must be. Dustin and Kandice, on the other hand, have lucked out, and they are at the right place, pulling up at the bus station. They're closely followed by Tyler and James. Peter thinks his driver is going the wrong way, but Tom and Terry -- who have a Fern with them -- are right there, closely followed by the *wins. Meanwhile, Lyn and Karlyn find a friendly helper who gives some instructions to their hapless cab driver, who would have driven them to Cleveland if no one had intervened. And now, Peter and Sarah are arriving at the bus station after all -- followed by Lyn and Karlyn, who presumably weren't too far off the mark. What a lot of squandered suspense almost immediately. Rob and Kimberly are arriving convinced that they're in last place, which they aren't -- they're still ahead of Dave and Mary. But they are in seventh, which is a lot worse than the way they left. Of course, when they get to the bus station, they learn along with everyone else that the bus station is closed until morning, at 5:00 AM. Rob tells the A(AM!)s that he's just had "the worst taxi experience in the history of taxi drivers." That is completely not true. Kimberly points out to the A(AM!)s, interestingly, that Rob responds to that kind of situation by yelling at the drivers, which doesn't exactly help the situation. One of the A(AM!)s tells Rob that freaking out at your driver is "the global killer." Hey, if he wants to advocate kindness to people in the transportation industry as a means of self-preservation, I'm all for it.
Mary pays her driver, and then she forces a hug upon him from which he physically recoils. She seems not to notice. She really needs to stop with the unsolicited hugging. Not everybody likes that, Mary, seriously. I keep reminding myself that she means well.
At 5:00 AM, all teams get onto the same bus. In an interview, Terry says that what inspires them is seeing other bottom-feeders rise to the top, as the *wins did with their victory last week. In my favorite dry-wit moment of the week, Tyler looks at James and says, "You look like I feel." Heh. I have a feeling that may not be the first time they've exchanged that sentiment. Phil points out that this is a 103-mile ride to Ha Long Bay. There, they'll find Hydrofoil Harbor and another clue. Or possibly Hydroform Tavern and a refreshing beer.
When they arrive, all the teams scatter away from the bus. It appears that the harbor is very nearby, because they all seem to find it in a big group about ten seconds after leaving the bus. Dave and Mary are actually first to the clue box, which is a Roadblock asking, "Who's got strong arms and legs?" Phil explains that this is your basic annoying-ascender task, very similar in appearance to the one that finished off the Bowling Moms late in Season 5, complete with the difficulty of even operating the ascender equipment competently. Three people can go at a time, 90 feet up the side of a cliff to get a clue, then back down. Dave, Terry, Sarah ("I've got arm strength"), Godwin, Dustin, Rob, and Tyler take the Roadblock. Teams run down to a bunch of little boats that are waiting for them. Sarah warns Peter that she can do the Roadblock, but she'll be slower. He assures her that's okay -- "You're going to rock on this, all right?" It's all very chaotic with people jumping onto boats and so forth. There's a moment where Lyn and Karlyn and Dustin and Kandice are standing on a ledge waiting as a boat approaches, and when the BQs step on the boat before Lyn and Karlyn, the *lyns get all huffy for some reason. That was really random -- it's a race, ladies, and sometimes you get aced out. I mean, you can see as soon as they cut to that scene the pink hat of the BQ who is waiting there just as much as the *lyns are waiting there. There's just nothing to this particular indignation, it seems. Moreover, they are the ones who were all "screw them" when Tyler and James's tire was flat. It's a race for everybody else same as it is for you, you know? One of the BQs manages to get a cut on her leg as she gets into the boat, and very unflatteringly, Karlyn actually says, "She got what she deserved for cutting in front of us. She got cut." I really don't like that. It seems to me that one of the rules of sport is that you don't cheer an opponent's injury, ever. Ever. And you particularly don't do it when the reason you're mad is that you were beat out fair and square. I've really had it with the whining and complaining from Karlyn about what other people are doing. She needs to buckle down and run their own race and stop feeling sorry for themselves all the time. It's very annoying, and when you cross into being all "Good!" about people hurting themselves, you need to take a minute and figure out whether that's something you want your kids to see, because they're more likely to see that than they are to see you win a million bucks.
Tom and Terry and the Pointies are in their boats out in the lead, and Peter and Sarah are following. Dave and Mary pass everybody, with Mary cheering, "Back pack!" The *wins pass Peter and Sarah as well. So the first three teams to hop out of their boats are Dave and Mary, Tom and Terry, and the Pointies. The *lyns follow, and Karlyn has to stand and wait while the rest of them go. As Peter and Sarah approach, Sarah is concerned to see that it's "pure rock-climbing." I think when they said "strong arms and legs," she figured it wouldn't be almost an exact repeat of the Great Wall, which kind of surprises me, too. I'd anticipate one like that, but not necessarily two in the first four legs. Climbing begins.
Sarah looks anxious, or at least Peter decides she does, because he starts pep-talking her about how she has all this arm strength, and she'll be fine. As Tyler and James approach, they're interested to see that Sarah has taken this particular Roadblock. "You're going to be fine," Peter declares. We look down at Sarah's running foot. "DAVE I LOVE YOU!" Mary hollers as Dave climbs. As Sarah looks up at the ascenders and what a hard time other people are having, Peter hollers over to her again that she's going to be fine, and I think it's time to stop. "You're going to do this! All in the mind!" She nods and smiles a little. Stop here, Peter. The more you reassure her, the more she hears you saying you don't think she can do it otherwise. Rob is first to get to the top of the cliff and collect his clue, which is attached to his line as he is instructed to rappel back down the cliff. Dave gets to the top. Tom watches as Terry climbs, and he comments, "Oh my God...he's totally going to make me do the Roadblock after this." Ha! Yeah, I'll bet. Rob and Kimberly leave in first place. The clue tells them to travel by motorboat to Sung Sot Cave, where Phil explains that they'll search in the cave for their clue. As Godwin prepares to climb, he comments, "I'd like to give all my possessions to my brother." Hee. The willing away of your property when danger lurks is always in order, I'd say. "You look like a stud right now," Dustin says to him. "Pound it right here." She holds out her fist. He does not quite pound it, but he taps it appreciatively. "Tap it right here" wouldn't sound right. Dave and Mary leave in second place.
"All right, Karlyn, you did the Great Wall, you can do this little bitty rock," Lyn says encouragingly. Tom and Terry leave in third, as Tom says, "Thank God it was you, not me." Well, now he's going to make you do the Roadblock, silly. You should have told him you could have done it faster. Guilt, Tom, think guilt! Godwin starts up the rope. "All legs!" Erwin calls encouragingly. We cut to Sarah, who is tearing up in spite of her best efforts not to. As Karlyn starts climbing, Lyn talks yet again about how they're doing all this for their children. Continuing to not help, Peter tells Sarah to "pull the handicapped placard out and tell them you're in line." She wipes away an actual tear and looks back up at the ropes. She's not complaining, she's not freaking out; she just happens to be worried, and probably feeling stupid for agreeing to do this, and probably afraid that she's about to repeat her experience at the Great Wall. She exhales in an effort to get herself calm. Meanwhile, Lyn calls out, "If you can have a baby with no anesthesia, you can go up this rock." The good part is that it makes Karlyn laugh; the bad part is: oh my God, enough with the childbirth references.
As Sarah receives her instructions on how to climb the rope, Peter is calling out inspirational hoo-hah about focusing. He has a hoo-hah full of hoo-hah, that is for sure. "Peter," she says sharply, "shush, I've got to listen to the directions!" She starts up. Meanwhile, at the top, Godwin collects their clue. But as he starts back down, he's concerned that he can't even rappel, because his arms are so worn out from the climb that he can't hang on to the rope. Sarah mutters that she's caught in the ropes. Karlyn continues climbing, clearly having a lot more success than she did the first time around. For whatever reason, Sarah is talking to herself, quite clearly, but she keeps using Peter's name. "Peter, wait, I can't -- Peter... " And then she gets nervous and says, "I just can't!"
Unsurprisingly, when we return from commercials, Sarah pulls it together. She gives herself that "find your power" instruction again, and she starts back up.
Elsewhere, Rob and Kimberly are happy to be in first place on the way to the cave in their boat. Dave and Mary were in second, but they've now been passed by Tom and Terry. When the Pointies get to the cave, they have to climb up some stairs, and it's a bit of a climb up to the cave entrance. There are quite a few people there, and there's a horrible moment where Rob conks his head on part of the cave. That looked like it hurt, big-time. I think I heard his skull crack from here. The last time I bonked my head was on the sloped ceiling of an upstairs bedroom, and I am here to tell you, it really hurt. Partly my pride, since I could theoretically have avoided it by ducking in deference to the sloped ceiling. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, except to explain the birdies that are still flying around my head I circles.
Okay, Godwin is now done with the climbing, and he's happy to be released from the gear. The *wins share a hug and leave the Roadblock in fourth place.
The Pointies finally find their clue inside the cave. Phil explains that the two choices here are Over and Under. In Over, you ride a junk to a buoy, then you row a smaller sampan to a supply boat, where you fetch two bunches of bananas (or something), which you then deliver to two addresses in a nearby "floating village." Then you row back to the supply boat and return your signed invoices showing that you made the deliveries. At that point, you get your clue. In Under, you also ride the junk to a buoy, but then you row your sampan to a pearl farm, where you choose a row of 30 buoys and pull up the baskets underneath them. Deliver them to the pearl farmer, and he will give you your clue. Note: the sampans in the demonstration are being rowed (1) by one person; (2) facing forward, not backwards like a rowboat.
Rob and Kimberly choose Under, on the theory that it's "less rowing" when you don't have to do the deliveries, I guess. They also have an issue in that they don't even know what a "junk" is.
Karlyn, Sarah, and Tyler are working on the Roadblock. Peter wants Sarah to spit on Tyler as he passes her. Sigh.
Rob and Kimberly see the yellow and white flags on the junks, so now they know what they are, at least. Boats! They are boats! I would have enjoyed seeing them look for some actual junk to climb on, like old tires or a broken refrigerator. They climb aboard.
Karlyn finishes the Roadblock and tells us how impressed her daughter will be. They leave for the cave in fifth place. Tyler gets the clue and rappels down. Peter tells Sarah to keep going, and she says, "It's hard, Peter. I'm doing my best." Dustin starts up, and Tyler finishes.
Elsewhere, Tom and Terry and Mary and Dave find the cave.
Sarah is at the top at last, and she collects her clue. Dustin is behind her. When she rappels back down to the bottom, she says, "Holy cow! I did it!" Unleash the profanity, Sarah! You're going to want some later, believe me. They get going. Meanwhile, at the cave, Tom and Terry tear the clue for the Detour, and they decide to choose the Under as well. "I can row a boat," Tom says. Speaking of rowing a boat, Rob and Kimberly have arrived at their buoy to the sign that says "Under," and he isn't too pleased to see that they have to row from here to the pearl farm. They get into their boat, and first he's going to row alone, then she's going to pull one oar, then he's going to row alone. It's chaos, I tell you. Oh, and then he says, "You have to do one side," like she's an idiot. They have a few minor communication issues to work out, I would say. "We're never getting out of this harbor," he grumps.
Mary and Dave decide to do the Over option, because Dave is kind of scared of being in deep water. Oh, Dave. And in last place, Dustin and Kandice are finally leaving the Roadblock to head for the cave. Wow, that kind of...happened. That bunching while waiting for an ascender to be available was brutal. "We're not out of this yet; we're not giving up," they say. On the junk to their Detour option, Tom and Terry find a couple of comfy chairs and relax. Can't blame them for that, certainly. "As long as there's a Starbucks nearby, we could live here," Terry comments. And I definitely can't blame them for that. [takes sip of mocha]
Dave and Mary board their junk. He tells her to hurry, she reminds him of her ankle, he says, "Yeah, yeah," and they're off. On the boat, she's still unhappy about it, telling him he doesn't have a "sprained leg" (it's spreading!), so he doesn't know. He suggests they go sit down, but out of what's fairly clearly sheer willfulness, she says she'll remain standing on her bad leg, thank you very much. Heh. "Now when you become my boss, you can tell me what to do," she says. I agree in principle, but she is not the most effective carrier of that particular message, given her tendency to loudly issue orders.
To their credit, Rob and Kimberly are rowing the boat forward. To their non-credit, they're doing the one-paddle-each method, which does not look promising to me. The *wins open the Detour clue and choose Under. Meanwhile, Rob and Kimberly can't find the baskets, because they're not in the right place. "Where are the baskets, dude?" Rob demands of the Great and Ethereal Dude to whom he can often be heard talking. The *wins think the view off the boat is pretty neat. Rob and Kimberly? Still fighting. She's ordering him to let her go after the baskets. He doesn't want to. She wants him to. He doesn't want to. As for Tyler and James, they just want to farm some oysters. But when they pass the *lyns, who want to know whether they've found the clue, they lie and say they're still looking. Yeah, again, I think that's about what you get for that "screw them" in the car. When you don't give help, you don't get help, which isn't wrong on anyone's part, but which is to be expected. The *lyns do find the clue, but when they see that there are 30 baskets to harvest in Under, they decide to take the Over.
Finally, Kimberly manages to pull up the first of the 30 Pointy baskets. Now that they're onto their line of buoys, it seems to start going a bit more smoothly. Meanwhile, Peter and Sarah, in second to last place, take the Under, with Peter saying, "The other one's two locations." Eh.
Tom and Terry get into their sampan. They can't decide whether it should be one person or two, but Tom starts off by saying he thinks just one person rows, but...then he doesn't know how to do it. So it's like, "One person! Um, but not me." Dave and Mary get into their sampan as well, just as last-place Dustin and Kandice retrieve their clue. They choose Over, and they continue talking about how they're not going to give up. At all. BQs forever! Dave is rowing the Dave/Mary sampan, and he's doing a pretty good job, despite rowing it backwards like a rowboat. Mary explains in an interview that they have no experience out on the ocean -- "Water over your head, if you fail [or 'fell'], you're dead," she quotes...from somewhere, undoubtedly. It certainly is advice that would prevent a lot of drownings, if followed carefully. They bicker about the rowing, which is happening partly because Mary doesn't realize how much better they're doing than most of the other teams. Terry takes over rowing from Tom, and seems to be doing the rowboat pull as well. The *wins get in their boat, and they seem to be committed to one oar each. Not a good idea. Tyler and James, however, do it exactly right -- just one guy (Tyler), rowing forward. It's kind of impressive, the way they seem to have actually paid attention to how other people were doing this. In fact, James asks about doing one oar each, and Tyler shoots him down immediately. I tend to agree. I think the coordination aspect is much too difficult, as seen over at the *wins' boat, where Godwin is currently saying, "The reason we're turning this way? Is because you're doing something wrong." Ha! Tyler and James get themselves to the Under sign.
Peter is rowing, and Sarah is telling him to let her know anything she can do to make it easier. He instructs her not to say anything, and when she gives a little encouragement, he says, "I don't need encouragement. I just need direction." Wow. This from the "you go, sister!" guy. He is such a schmuck. You can sort of tell that he can't stand to have her encourage him, probably because it puts her, ever so briefly, in the coaching role he likes to reserve for himself. It makes her seem useful to him, and I don't think Peter likes to think of Sarah as useful to him. I seriously hope that every one of these asshole things he's doing is making her think very hard about not only whether she wants to date him, but whether she wants to be his friend. I'm sure she can find someone to work on her leg who isn't quite this much of a wank.
Lyn and Karlyn see the Over sign, so they get into their sampan and go. They're trying one oar each, and they're also intimidated by the quantity of wind. Dustin and Kandice have found what I think is probably the worst method yet, which is that not only are they both rowing, but they're facing in opposite directions. Yipes. All the "down, up" cooperative chanting in the world isn't going to make that a good way to go about this.
Tom and Terry have gone through a lot of work to row themselves to the wrong place -- they've gone to the floating village, not to the pearl farm. Rowing, rowing, rowing ensues. Nobody is having a good time, particularly Dustin and Kandice, who are melting down a bit for the first time in the race.
When we come back from commercials, Dustin and Kandice are concluding that they can't row against the wind enough to get to the Over task, so they're switching to Under. The very same thing is happening to Mary and Dave, who see that the boat they're supposedly going to is simply too far, so they're going to do Under. I'm sure Dave just hopes there will be no diving.
Rob and Kimberly are getting their baskets, but she is howling at him not to tip them over, and he's telling her to shut up, and she's telling him not to tell her to shut up. That could be a very long game. I find that once you get past "shut up" followed by "you shut up," you're in no-man's land, and you're not going anywhere till Christmas. They haul in their final basket, though, so they're done. They seem to have acceptably gotten the hang of rowing together, so they're on their way to the pearl farmer. Tyler and James are pulling up baskets. They spot Tom and Terry, who are now here as well. Tom announces that he's bleeding. "So what," Terry says. "Don't be a baby." Heh. Rob and Kimberly get their clue, which instructs them to row back to the junk and take it about nine miles to the pit stop, which is at Soi Sim Island. Last team to check in just may be eliminated. Kimberly is not at all happy about the return to rowing.
Lyn and Karlyn, with Lyn rowing alone, make it to the provisions boat for the Over task -- the only ones to do so. They grab their stuff and their invoices, and they head off to find the addresses in the floating village. They row over toward the village, which they can see, but they are very tired.
Rob and Kimberly? Still rowing. And still fighting. "I know how to row!" he insists. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. You went to school for that," she snipes back. Hee. They are thrilled to finish rowing and climb aboard the junk for the ride to the pit stop. Kimberly interviews that Rob can be -- wait for it! -- "intense" at times, and she doesn't like it when he loses his temper. She says that the race has made their arguing worse. I certainly hope so.
As Tom and Terry observe, the *wins are now collecting baskets. So now it's the *wins, Terry and Tom, and the A(AM!)s, all working on the task with the baskets. As Peter and Sarah row, she observes that she sees another boat -- which would be helpful to note, of course -- but Peter shuts her down with "just let me row." He is icky. When they arrive at the buoys, he starts leaning out to get baskets, but he doesn't pay attention to what he's doing, and Sarah has to quickly stop him when he puts the edge of the boat into the water and it starts to flood. She gets Peter to pull back, and of course, he's now angry at her. Like she isn't enough of a drag as it is, now she causes gravity and the tendency of water to flow to the lowest point.
Lyn and Karlyn make their first delivery. Tom and Terry are approaching their baskets, but when they encroach on what Peter considers his territory, he reaches over and gives their boat a shove. He then orders Sarah to hang onto a rope, and then he says, "I'm done after this. I don't want to do this anymore. I really don't." Come on, Peter! You can do it, sister! It's all in the mind! Pull out the dipshit placard and tell them you're ! Terry and Tom start on baskets. Dave and Mary start, too. Lyn and Karlyn finish their second delivery and start another rowing jaunt back to the supply boat. Dustin and Kandice think they're going to catch up to everyone. Tyler and James, they will not catch up to, because the boys are on their last basket.
Rob and Kimberly, meanwhile, are in their junk approaching the pit stop, and Rob can see Phil. Welcome, Rob and Kimberly, you are team number one. And you win a pair of jet skis, with which you can run each other over repeatedly after the race. "Now," Phil says somberly, "are you guys being nice to each other?" Heh. Phil always does like to offer a little bit of counseling. Rob basically admits they're not being so "nice," which he chalks up to being "so competitive." Apparently, Rob is accepting the Competitiveness Makes You Be Mean To Your Own Partner theory. Rob, meet Guido. Because: no.
Lyn and Karlyn are in bad trouble in their sampan, as they're having serious problems making progress in the direction of the supply boat. Tyler and James, having delivered their baskets to the pearl farmer, are receiving the pit stop clue. The *wins soon do the same. I think they must have done well with the baskets. The BQs? Still heading for the baskets. Peter and Sarah get their last one, so they can look for the pearl farmer. Lyn and Karlyn wonder whether the wind will stop. Mm, probably not. Lyn is the voice of reason, as usual, telling Karlyn to chill out and push. Peter and Sarah collect their pit stop clue from the pearl farmer. And Tyler is doing all the rowing to the junk, so basically, James is just tagging along for this entire leg. In fact, he pretty much acknowledges as much during their ride toward the pit stop. The *wins are going to take a bit longer to make it to the junk. Peter asks Sarah whether he's going the right way, and she shows a lot of restraint by not saying, "Oh, am I allowed to talk now?" When they get to the junk, she tries to congratulate him, saying, "You rocked. You did awesome." He ignores her to look at a couple of owies on his arms. Sarah, in an interview: "My feelings for Peter have changed. Sometimes I'm not always impressed with his temperament in this situation, or even his treatment towards me." Yeah, no shit, lady. They talk to the camera together, and she says that it really bugs her when he goes on about quitting in the middle of a task right after she "did give 100 percent" in things like the climb. She reminds us that she didn't complain or say she was going to give up, or declare that she didn't want to do it anymore, which is true. And seriously, the fact that she's able to deal with something as frustrating and difficult as that ascender with little more than muttering to herself out of fear that she actually won't be able to do it, while he can't refrain from being abusive toward her during a task, indicates that he's just a big wuss, for one thing. The fact that she gets scared and doubts herself has nothing to do with his decision to be nasty and shitty to her and talk about how he's going to quit. He didn't express worry to her that he was afraid he couldn't do the baskets; he threatened her that he didn't feel like it anymore. Not the same thing, dude. He just creeps me out completely, but at least she seems to be onto him now. She tells us that even though they made up a lot of ground in the late part of the leg, she's still not feeling very good.
Dave and Mary finish the baskets. Tom and Terry are still working. Dustin and Kandice? Also working. Dave and Mary turn over their baskets to the pearl farmer and get their clue. They head for the pit stop in fifth place. On the way to the pit stop, Tyler and James notice that Peter and Sarah are approaching. They can't understand why their boat is so slow and they're getting passed. For her part, Sarah says she'd like to finish ahead of James and Tyler, because Tyler passed her earlier during the climb. I can understand that, quite honestly. Interestingly, Tyler and James have finally figured out why they're so slow, which is that their boat guy forgot to pull up the anchor before they left. Good grief. You'd think that would be on some kind of checklist. Maybe the "things that keep the boat from moving" checklist. They give a sarcastic thumbs-up to their driver, who returns a friendly wave. Heh. Oh, bad drivers are the same the world over.
And now, Peter and Sarah. She is actually hopping to the mat, not that this keeps Peter from bugging her to "go go go." They are team number two, which is...sort of shocking. I mean, granted, they got lucky on the junks, but they also did very well in the pearl task, I guess. I also guess he rows pretty competently for a son of a bitch.
The *lyns are all about misery, though Lyn is keeping them together.
Welcome, Tyler and James, you are team number three.
The BQs have 22 baskets. Tom and Terry have 16. And the *wins are team number four. The BQs finish with their baskets. Terry and Tom see the BQs leaving. Meanwhile, on their junk, Mary and Dave are approaching Phil, and Mary is pointing him out. "That's Phil in the orange shirt. I know Phil -- scrawny little old gorgeous thing." HA! Best description of Phil ever, and I like the fact that they took "scrawny" out of the episode title. Probably Phil flexing his creative muscle. Probst would never let them use the line at all. He would certainly cry until they took out the part where he was called "scrawny." The BQs get their pit stop clue. Unfortunately, they don't read the clue carefully, and they conclude that they have to "row to the pit stop" at Soi Sim Island. Boo! RTDC, dummies!
The *lyns finally turn in their invoices and can start rowing to the junk.
Welcome, Dave and Mary. You're team number five. And don't call me scrawny. Mary is very excited at their placement, which she expected to be worse, pretty clearly.
Terry and Tom collect their 30th basket. Dustin and Kandice are randomly boating around looking for Soi Sim Island. Goofballs. They actually row to an island, but they don't see Phil. And when they go back to read the clue, they discover that it's all wet and shredded. Tom and Terry get the pit stop clue, so now, it's on. Dustin is busy getting mad at Kandice for not guarding the integrity of their clue, and Tom is busy freaking out about the rowing to the junk. Terry asks him to please stop whining. "Terry, I'm not, I'm just physically exhausted." That's really more an explanation than a denial, but...all right.
Surprisingly (to me, anyway), it appears to be Dustin who's sort of losing it and becoming convinced that she's too tired to keep rowing. Kandice tells her to keep at it. Dustin says not to worry about the crying. "Let me cry as I paddle," she says. Aw. Life is so very like that sometimes. Cry and paddle, cry and paddle.
Lyn is busy being inspirational on their junk, pointing out that Karlyn always says it's "mind over the matter," and that convincing your mind that you can do something is what's important. Of course, Karlyn thinks it may be for nothing, since they feel like they're likely to be eliminated.
Finally, Kandice figures out that what they're supposed to do is not row to the pit stop, but row back to the boat they were on before. Dustin explains in an interview that it took a while, but they eventually sorted this out. Meanwhile, Tom...I don't know. Tom has been having trouble with the boat, so he's now gotten out of it, and he's dragging their boat through the water, following the edge of the cliff. I kind of...do not understand why you wouldn't just get in the boat and figure out how to row it, considering that it's not going to be that much harder than walking and dragging the boat. They stop on a beach and start yelling for help, and I don't know what that's about. Maybe they think the junk will come and pick them up? Fellas, I am not optimistic about that happening.
Welcome, Lyn and Karlyn, you are team number six. They're quite pleased with that result.
Dustin and Kandice row toward their boat. Tom swims and drags their boat. It's all very inspirational and pointless, in a sense, like...I get it that if you concluded that was the only thing you could do, it would be admirable, but...why would you conclude that? Once Dustin and Kandice make it into the junk, they are still arguing, because Dustin is still unhappy about the fact that their clue is all ripped up, and part of it seems to be missing. Kandice tells us that she always winds up being blamed when something bad happens, and Dustin looks out the window and starts crying. This is new for them, the melting down.
Tom and Terry get to their junk. "You're amazing, honey," Terry says. Eh. On the BQ boat, Dustin is crying, and before long, they have a hug and make up, as you knew they would. Tom is crying, too, and Terry is telling him what a great job he did. And then they're both crying, and Terry is all, "You pulled the fricking boat!" And Tom is all, "I had to." Again, very inspirational, as long as you ignore the fact that they could have just...rowed the boat.
So now...Phil. A boat. Phil. A boat. A greeter. A boat. A man. A plan. Phil. A boat. And landing on the mat are...the BQs. Welcome, Dustin and Kandice, you are team number seven. They hug.
As the sun sets, Tom and Terry relax on their junk in their comfy chairs yet again. They hold hands. They love each other. They did great! It looks like it's a bit later (loose definition of "a bit") when they finally land on the beach with Phil. Tom and Terry, you are last. ("We know.") And you are eliminated. In an interview, Terry doesn't understand what made Tom drag the boat, but he means that in a slightly different way than I would. Terry goes on to say that this particularly horrible day speaks to "the strength of [their] relationship." Oh, good. Well. Yes. Good. I like the strength of relationships; I dislike people who get all pissy about losing their place in line because they're not paying attention. I have no real objection to these guys, but I never learned to like them, either. I'm indifferent, which seems wrong.