Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Barbarians at the gate
By Miss Alli | Season 4 | Episode 4 | Aired on 06.18.2003
Monica wiggles into a black jumpsuit so she can start working on the tires. It's a fairly intimidating task, what with the giant hydraulic wrench thingy (I'm calling it a hydraulic wrench thingy...do not email me) that you have to wield in order to remove the old tire. You also have to transport the tires down the track a little ways to the car, so that's actually the first order of business. Monica says that she's never changed a tire in her life, and I am forced to admit that although I am capable of changing my own tires, I do try to avoid it. As she struggles with the tires and then with the hydraulic wrench thingy, Monica voices over that she could feel herself losing the lead as she hassled with the tires.
Elsewhere, DadSteve and Josh land in Paris, followed closely by David and Jeff and the clowns and virgins (also known as the Ringling Brothers But Not Tingling Others Alliance).
Back at the track, Monica finally figures out how to wield the big wrench, and then things pick up considerably. She says that her fear of losing the lead gave her a burst of energy, which is a very good sign. When the tires are changed, she tucks herself into the little car and takes off. Vroom vroom, around the track! Monica points out that she almost lost an arm when she tried to wave to Sheree in the middle of the ride, not remembering that at a couple hundred miles an hour, the wind will snap a limb clean off you, and you'll be joyfully waving your bloody stump as you cross the finish line. The ride ends, the ladies hug, and it's time to get moving. The next clue tells them to choose a marked car and drive to what Sheree pronounces "Marcels." Phil comes in to do what I always find the funniest sort of Phil-over, which is the one where his entire purpose is correcting a team's pronunciation of a place name during the rip-read. He explains that in fact, they have to travel to Marseilles, about a 550-mile drive, in one of the silver station wagons that's sitting outside the track. When they get to Marseilles, they'll drive through a particular gated port and find their way to a lighthouse, where the next clue will be located. In their car, the Falconettes are happy to be out ahead of the pack.
At 12:57 PM, the Tian/Jaree/Chipsters train makes it to Le Mans. A low-speed taxi race ensues as they head for the racetrack. The girls get to the clue box just slightly ahead of Chip, who almost flattens them in his enthusiasm. Jaree knows that Tian is into this car thing, so she encourages her to take the Roadblock, while Chip takes it for the Chipsters. He voices over that Tian is generally pretty quick, so he felt pressured to beat her. Tian, in turn, voices over that she "wants to prove how strong women can be." Ugh. Show, don't tell. Reichen, watching, smugly smirks that he thinks Chip can beat Tian, but Tian is "a little daredevil." My, how adorably condescending. I may not be a Tian fan, but she could start that "show" thing by putting her boot right up Reichen's know-it-all ass, and when you heard the loud cheering, it would be me in the front row with my little bag of popcorn. Tian and Chip are both pretty handy with the drill (heh), and they take off very close together for their speed laps. Jaree and Reichen cheer obligingly, not having much else to do. When he has gotten out of the car, Chip says a little too happily that this racing bit was "a dream come true." He's just...I don't know. Weird or something. It's like everything he does is cranked up a couple of notches -- he overenunciates, he gets overly self-righteous, he gets overly excited...he's like a radio with the volume cranked too high. Also? Runs like a girl. Just saying.
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