Previously on Wil? Pill! Phil? Thrill!: The elephants got clean, but everybody else got down and dirty. Wil steered Tara into a tree, and steered her ever more completely into the oily biceps of Boston Alex. The Thailand train ride was really long. No, no, really long. Mary and Peach mastered the art of pole-boating and zoomed past Gary and Dave, who were too busy looking up limericks in their tattered copies of 10,000 Jokes, Toasts, and Stories to get their oars in gear. The Adultery Alliance faltered as Boston and Taraweasel dropped like a couple of overconfident rocks, while Mary and the Fruit snuck into the lead. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Credits. "Would! You! Take! A bath in Cra-ter Lake? Are you afraid! Of! Heights! Or want your name! In! Lights? Would! You! Run! Under a broil-ing sun!? Are you a bad...dresser?...a fox?...built like...an ox?...Then you...just! Might! Fit! Now that we think! Of! It! Amazing! [BOMP.]"
Karen Village, Thailand. This week on the Eating, Resting, and Mingling segment, we see Dave thinking really hard (maybe his shoe is untied); Tara and Alex fondling each other; Blake still desperately needing a shave; teams alternating between winter gear and summer gear; and Chris feverishly clinging to The Amazing Purse, even while socializing at the pit stop. Chris, put down the purse. Even if you're carrying it, you'll still have to figure out for yourself how to get to the route marker using clues you'll find in sealed envelopes. So sayeth the Exposition Hands.
8:55 PM. Mary and the Fruit are first out of the gate this week, and they eagerly open the clue. It tells them to go to Chiang Mai to a temple called the Seven Spires, and provides them with $180 for the leg, which Mary carefully counts. Phil comments that they will have to find the place "with only a map to guide them." Excuse me, but "only a map"? As opposed to what, Phil? A sherpa? I mean, that would be really helpful, but very hard to fold up and put in the envelope. As they get in their SUV, a cautious Mary voices over that being in first place is great, and that she and the Fruit are trying hard not to get into the drama of the other teams and what they may or may not be doing. They're trying to run their own race, and I think there's no question that that's the smart move.
8:56 PM. Gary and Dave. As they open the clue and get going, Dave voices over that in addition to your travel skills, this game tests your ability to go for long periods of time without eating or sleeping in any way that qualifies as remotely functional, and I think that this episode probably bears that out fairly well, in fact. He also manages to sound pretty normal while providing this particular pithy insight, so that's a large relief right there.
9:00 PM. Blake and Paige. Blake explains that they like to be alone. Ew! No, not like that. They like to travel alone, you sicko. They don't want any alliances. Especially, I have to assume, since nobody wants to be in one with them.
9:08 PM. Oswald tells us that their plan has been to run the race themselves and not worry about what other people are doing. That seems to be the theme of the week, which means that either it is a large coincidence, or it was the producers' Interview Question of the Week -- something like, "How do you balance your need to run the race yourself with the challenges of being involved with a group of other people who have personal conflicts?" I'm betting it's not a coincidence.
9:22 PM. Taraweasel are looking quite the Stoner Hippies this evening, with Tara in a flowery embroidered top that's really not doing her any favors, and Wil in one of his several ethnic cannabis-chic print numbers. At least he's bareheaded. He voices over that this is a "do-or-die situation," because they're close to the back of the pack, so it's put up or shut up time for the Weasel and his charming Weaselette. If they don't make a strong showing, he points out, they'll leave "with their tails between their legs." Do weasels even have tails?
9:23 PM. Boston. (Wow, what closely packed start times. Everybody certainly did finish close together last week.) Chris is wearing my least favorite shirt, which is the blue one that says, "Rambler's Roost," and given the poultry reference, I simply cannot believe it doesn't say something above the name like "My Eggs Got Laid At The" or "I Got Clucked At The" or "They Do It With Feathers At The" or "Try the Breasts At The." Anyway, he voices over that he's going to do "everything in [his] pow-ah" not to be Phil-iminated.
Mary and the Fruit, in their cab, are having trouble with navigation, and they decide to let Gary and Dave pass them. This is an interesting, conservative strategy and actually, in my opinion, not an entirely bad idea. This would be the case particularly if they know from past experience that, for instance, Gary and Dave are good navigators and always find the place before anybody else. Thunk doesn't immediately catch on that Mary and Peach are intentionally going slowly, and they convince themselves that passing is a particularly sharp move on their part that is happening because Mary and Peach are slow. All goes according to the Mary plan, and she and the Fruit follow the guys to the temple. There, it's still open (despite the late hour), and teams are to find the McFlag, as usual. This doesn't prevent the Fruit from happily chirping, "Hey, there's a flag over there!" like it's the neato-est thing she ever saw. Gary and Dave open the clue first, and it tells them to get to the top of the tallest building in Hong Kong.
Cut to Hong Kong and Phil, who is dressed in a black turtleneck and black coat and has apparently recently fallen into a burning ring of fire, and has then gone down, down, down...well, you know. He tells us that Hong Kong is "a crowded and confusing metropolis." When our intrepid teams get there, they'll need to go to the top of Central Plaza, the aforementioned tallest building in the city. Back in Thailand, Thunk, Mary/Peach, and the recently arrived Teeth (with Blake still in those really, really big green pants that almost fell off him last time) leave the temple for the airport. Cha-Cha-Cha, meanwhile, stops at a police station to ask for some directions. In the Taraweasel SUV, Wil says that all alliances are terminated, and now it's "every team for itself." Then he says, "Right, Tara?" And she says, "Right, Wil." Tara? Looks like hell. I mean, I'm not judging, because I would, too, but she looks extremely haggard tonight. She also looks like she hates Wil, so at least she has that going in her favor.
Oswald at the police station (complete with cell door and blurry-faced guard in the background), asking for directions. It doesn't seem to be going that well. The guy eventually points, but Danny is already saying, "Let's go," so Oswald tells the guy, "Forget it, forget it." One of them mutters "God" under his breath, but it's not clear whether it's Danny, doing it because Oswald is so pokey getting out of the station, or Oswald, doing it because Danny is nagging him to get moving, or Oswald, doing it because the guy they were asking for directions wasn't helpful. It's certainly not Cha-Cha-Cha's most shining moment, but it's hard to draw many conclusions, except about the fact that Oswald carries the Amazing Purse as a fanny pack. Chris really seems to be the guy on the trip who has the biggest affinity for carrying it as...well, you know. A purse.
Taraweasel get their clue at the temple and she reads it as they leave. Wil is all excited about going to Hong Kong, probably because he's annoyed the entire population there at some point or another in the past, and thus is sure he has a large advantage. On their way out, they run into Cha-Cha-Cha, one of whom says, "Hello, honeys" and one of whom says, "Hello, babies" to them. Hee! The Cha's are happy about Hong Kong, too.
Boston SUV. They find their way to the temple.
Airport. Here come the lead teams -- Mary/Fruit, Thunk, and the Teeth. Inside, Dave talks to a ticket agent who informs him that the ticket windows are closed until morning, but he can buy by phone. On the phone, Dave says he "would like to book" seats from Chiang Mai to Bangkok on the 7:00 AM flight. Meanwhile, without even visiting the airport, Cha-Cha-Cha figures that they're not going to get anything done there, so they head off to what looks like it might be a hotel (though it's hard to tell), and they ask to use the Internet to look up and buy flights. Interestingly, this is a milestone moment, because in thirteen episodes of season one and seven episodes of season two, this is the first time they've ever shown contestants on-line. Twenty episodes before anybody gets a chance to check their email? I would never last that long.
Back at the airport, Blake is on the phone. Tara is on the phone. Alex is on the phone. The flight to Bangkok is at 7:00 AM, and there's a flight from Bangkok to Hong Kong at 8:40 AM, and Tara is curious about whether they'll make it. Dave, on the other hand, seems to have gotten himself and Gary, as well as Mary and the Fruit, "reservations" for a 10:30 AM flight from Bangkok to Hong Kong, probably worrying about the close connection. Now, I am distinguishing "book" from "reserve" here, because it has always been my understanding that once you booked a flight, you couldn't change it -- it's in the rules. This doesn't necessarily preclude reservations, so if that's what he's got, then they're fine. But it sounds a lot like they have tickets to me, so I'm a little confused. When Gary hears that Blake got the Teeth on the 8:40 AM (nice of you to tell him, Blake, you silly little chippy), he goes at Dave in a full-on Geek Attack, an ancient fighting form that involves flaming Number 2 pencils and some creative uses of a three-hole punch. "Are you a fucking idiot or what?" he asks. Gary voices over that Dave screwed up by "booking" a flight that was two hours later than the one everybody else had, and the thing we see is Gary on the phone...changing the reservation. So I don't know. My understanding was that the rules were there exactly so this wouldn't happen -- get a safe flight and then shop around to see what everybody else is doing, then change it. Obviously, nobody thought it was illegal, but I find it intriguing.
After we establish that Cha-Cha-Cha has also gotten on the 8:40 AM through their online explorations, we go back to Gary and Dave, who are discussing their little dust-up. Dave says that Gary could have been a little nicer, and Gary responds that they have to "know their strengths," so Gary will "talk to people" and Dave can "open the clues." Okay, heh. I will admit that line isn't a complete washout, though I hardly think Gary has shown any particular gift for talking to people either, so he's not necessarily got all that much to brag about.
Tara and Wil are -- I know you're shocked -- fighting. She still looks horrible. He bends down to talk to her, exactly like he would if she weren't, you know, a grown woman, and he says, "We're playing a game, and we're here to win big money." And then he walks away. TOOL. At least he didn't give her a lollipop. Tara continues the World's Most Stupid and Unromantic Romance by explaining that she never really has gotten along with Wil, and mentioning that she gets along better with Boston. More yapping about the Taraweasel bickering, and then here's a shot of her sitting in Chris's lap. Yeah, I know. That's the other Boston. I have a feeling she parks in a fair number of laps without meaning a whole lot by it, because she's that girl precisely. Fortunately, that girl and that guy tend to get along, so she and Alex might make each other very happy, in a sort of mutually-in-it-for-the-wrong-reasons kind of way. At any rate, Chris says that he and Alex are going to screw Wil and Tara before Wil and Tara screw them. Oh, write your own damn "screw" joke, people. I'm too tired, and I can't do everything. I mean, if you can't write your own "screw" joke, shouldn't you be off practicing instead of waiting for me to make one for you? Well, shouldn't you?
Commercials. Can you hear me now, sobbing and begging you to stop this infernal advertising campaign before my brain dissolves into a formless puddle of goo and begins leaking out of my ears while I'm asleep? Good.
The flight lands in Bangkok at 8:10 AM, with everyone on it. They all dash for the 8:40 AM to Hong Kong. "Hold the plane!" Alex wildly screams in a way I actually find rather amusing. They get onto an airport shuttle to get from the Chiang Mai-Bangkok flight to the Bangkok-Hong-Kong flight. "We have very tight connection [sic], is it possible for you to go now?" Wil asks the shuttle driver, actually sounding a bit like he's attempting not to be a jerk. I'm sure it won't last. At 8:41 AM, probably with a bunch of other agitated passengers sitting on the plane waiting for their TV-star asses, everybody climbs aboard. The Amazing Yellow Line goes from Bangkok to Hong Kong, and Phil tells us that the teams are, too. When they get there, they need to go to the city's tallest building, which is Central Plaza.
Thunk is first out of the airport, followed by the Teeth, Taraweasel, Boston, Cha-Cha-Cha, and Mary and the Fruit. They all need a train to the city, and it appears that you use a little ATM-like deal to get your tickets. Thunk makes it onto the first train, and Dave refers to them as "Team Domination." Ugh. The second train holds Taraweasel, Boston, and the Teeth. Wil is dancing again, and I just really don't need to see that. Take a nap, Wil. Third train carries Cha-Cha-Cha, while Mary struggles with the ticket ATM. As they finally get a train, Mary asks the Fruit where the "maps" are, and the Fruit doesn't know. Mary has the Amazing Purse, so I'm actually thinking this is her day to be in charge of the stuff. But the stuff, it appears, is lost. Given what happens to them , I actually think they didn't lose just a map, but actually their whole packet of route information. That's a pretty devastating mistake right there, for sure.
Thunk makes a bunch of friends on the train, including a lady who tells them they can follow her, since she's going in the direction of Central Plaza. Well played, Thunk! She points them right to the building, and they arrive first. They find the right elevator and head up.
Mary and the Fruit, apprehensively contemplating their fate as they head, rather rudderless now, for downtown.
Thunk finds the top of the building to be a very large glass-walled room with spectacular views of Hong Kong in every direction. The clue tells them to pick up some binoculars and look for the "Green and White Star." As Phil explains, this is actually a reference to the Star Ferry, a green-and-white boat that will take them where they need to go . They look, but Dave looks dubious. I would point out that I was happy to see this clue, because it's not one of the "Go here, dummy" clues that have plagued the show since the middle of the first season. Dave, on the other hand, is not as pleased with the cryptic quality of the clue as I am.
Taraweasel, Boston, and the Teeth look for the building, and Cha-Cha-Cha is hot on their tails. Mary and the Fruit are bringing up the rear. Sniff! When they get a cab, Mary asks the driver to take them to "Center." He says "Central," and she repeats, "Center." Oh, noooo!
A frustrated Thunk is having trouble finding the Star, so Gary brings up the Fast Forward. Now, I'm not saying this didn't work out for them, and I'm not saying that they might not be able to make it into an unbunchable lead at some point (though I'm skeptical), but I think this was a really stupid move. They know the other teams are coming. They're going to be able to get a hint about where it is by looking at where other teams are looking when they spot it and suddenly bolt for the exits. Moreover, it can't be that hard to find, and they need to think logically about the fact that it has to be something that they can find if they stop and think. Getting frustrated with a task after a short time (and the other teams aren't there yet, so I don't think they've been looking very long) is not a good reason to use up your Fast Forward, in my personal world of strategy. But what do I know? I've never won anything except the occasional twenty-ounce Diet Coke from one of those magical green caps. At any rate, the Fast Forward tells them to go to a Hong Kong temple and find a fortune teller. She'll tell their fortune, and they'll get the clue. They decide to go for it.
On the crowded Boston/ Taraweasel/ Teeth elevator, Blake remarks that "everyone's a little hot, and no one's smelling very good." (Shout-out to last week's theme song lyrics!) Tara: "I smell like roses, what are you talking about?" Blake: "You haven't smelled like roses since Vegas." Heh. She laughs. Oh, yeah. They're all ripe as all-get-out, you can tell. You can almost see the wiggly little green lines coming off them. They get off the elevator at the top floor, and Gary and Dave get on it, taking off for the Fast Forward. Everybody starts looking for the star, which Tara comments is "like finding a needle in a haystack."
Cha-Cha-Cha gets to Central Plaza. Mary, in her cab, is reiterating that she wants the building "called Center, C-E-N-T-E-R." Ack! Cut to a lovely building called "The Center Building," which is tall, but which they are told inside is certainly not the tallest in Hong Kong. (This is what makes me think they lost their route information -- apparently Mary was doing this from memory, in which case I have to think she would have been better off asking for the tallest building in the city, yes?) The guy inside clarifies that they want Central Plaza. Oops. As they head for the Plaza, they agree that they should definitely take the Fast Forward when they get there, because they've fallen behind.
As he and Dave begin their Fast Forward quest, Gary interviews that using the Fast Forward is "like losing your virginity," what with the irrevocability and such. He says this is why they're "scared" and "giddy." Ugh, as well as (THUNK), as well as "Ew." Thanks, I didn't really want my dinner anyway.
The three teams currently at the top of the tower (the former Adultery Alliance and the Teeth) figure out the ferry clue and take off, running into Cha-Cha-Cha getting off the elevator. As the other teams run for the ferries, Oswald seems to figure it out in no time, and he's in pursuit. These four teams bunch at the ferry, where Blake asks Danny if he and Ozzie have seen Mary and the Fruit. "No, we lost them at the airport," Danny says. Blake wonders if the sisters are behind them.
They are, and in their cab, Mary agonizes over the stupidity of going to the wrong building. "A blatant, easy mistake," she says. "The time we lost, we deserve," she groans, and I frankly have to agree.
At the Wong Tai Sin temple, Thunk starts looking for the fortune teller. I'm calling her Amelia Chao, but that's a very phonetic spelling, and I apologize for its probable inaccuracy. They ask for her up and down rows of little booths, to no avail.
On the ferry, Blake mentions to Paige's teeth how fabulous it is to be in Hong Kong. It's a nice moment, but a pretty staged one, I do believe. The ferry lands, and the teams clamber off. They all run for the flag, and when Tara reaches it, Wil has her go around the corner of a phone booth so she can read it without being disturbed by all those icky other teams. (It's also very Superman. Maybe Wil will come out with a big red cape and a spandex suit with a "W" on the front, and he'll think it stands for "Wil," but actually it will stand for "Weasel," and then I'll laugh and laugh. I need a nap.) At any rate, the clue is this week's Detour, which is called Wishing Tree or Herbal Tea. Surprisingly straightforward names, and yet somehow unsatisfying. I am, in fact, impossible to please. Oh, and Phil says that a Detour is a choice between two tasks -- that's two, for those of you keeping score at home -- and that each has its own pros and cons. Did you make a note? Burn it into your arm with a blow torch, because otherwise, we'll have this conversation again and again, I promise you.
Anyway, the idea behind this Detour is that you can take a taxi eighteen miles and throw a ball into a tree, or you can take a walk around a marketplace near where you found the clue and look for an herbalist who will make you drink something that will taste like it was boiled inside your shoes.
Side explanatory note: in case you haven't noticed, most Detours come in two forms -- Reckless/Chicken and Tortoise/Hare. In the first kind, you can either do something scary or something very slow -- hang gliding, bungee jumping, sandboarding, rock-climbing...these are all Reckless/Chicken Detours. In the second kind, you either do something conservative that you won't get done quickly but almost can't screw up, or something you might blow past in a hurry but might stumble on and really hose yourself. This tree/tea thing is a Tortoise/Hare Detour, as were the walkie-talkie, foot/hoof, and most significantly, the famous bus/private-car Detour that totaled the Frats and Momily. I generally think Tortoise/Hare Detours are inherently superior, dramatically speaking, to Reckless/Chicken Detours, because you always know what the right answer is to Reckless/Chicken -- it's to be reckless. Tortoise/Hare, on the other hand, can go either way. Esquire saved their shapely fannies by going Tortoise, while Danza did super on that same leg with Hare. So now you know my entire Phil-osophy of Detours, and we can move along.
The final significant fact about this Detour is that Phil pronounces "herbal" with a hard leading "h," just like other Brits/ Aussies/ Zealandians, as well as Martha Stewart. At any rate, the Teeth, Taraweasel, and Boston decide to Hare the Detour by going for the tea, but Cha-Cha-Cha is feeling turtle-icious, and goes for a drive to the wishing tree.
Back at the temple, Mary and the Fruit are looking for Amelia outside, but Thunk is already deep inside the complex, clearly a lot closer. Thunk finds her indeed, and perches on a pair of stools exchanging a very warm greeting with her. Adopting a rather silly accent that I think might actually be literally inadvertent, Dave says he wants the face reading, and Gary sits down for the palm reading. Gary wants to know if they'll have "great luck in the coming future." As opposed to the past future, I suppose. She responds by praising Dave's face. You know, put some hair on the boy, and I might praise his face also. Wow, who said that? Anyway, Amelia tells Dave not to trust people too much, especially his "double-face friends." I, of course, would be happy if Gary just had one face, if it weren't on loan from Zelig. She tells Gary he's "too smart," so he never listens to anyone. I like this theory, actually, although it would really have been perfect if she'd told him to stop making dumb jokes. I would have stood up and cheered, and then sent Bruckheimer a big check for making my day. Anyway, as we see Mary and the Fruit still looking for Amelia, she gives Gary and Dave the Fast Forward envelope, which tells them to go straight to the pit stop, a boat in the middle of Hong Kong Harbor. Drunken cameramen demonstrate.
Mary and the Fruit find Amelia, but she tells them it's too late. "That's what we have today," Mary laments as they leave. "Nothing but negative." That's for sure.
Commercials. Wait a minute, who let that Spice Girls song in? When I threw that song out several years ago, I believe it promised never to darken my door again. Was it toying with me?
Music: "[Beh-neh- neh-neh-neh-neh- neh-neh.]" Paige explains yet again the concept of the Detour, with the walking and the driving and the herbal tea, as we look at pictures of the Teeth's feet. The Adultery Alliance is searching as well. Meanwhile, in the Cha-Cha-Cha cab, Oswald says that the tree might be faster, because it's "more difficult," and sometimes that pays off. I actually think he has it backwards. The tree might be faster exactly because it's easier. After all, at eighteen miles away, you certainly wouldn't want it to be more difficult.
Mary and the Fruit, soldiering on. In case you've forgotten where they are, they still have to find the Green Star, having missed out on the Fast Forward. Rather than climb the building and look, though, Mary opts to stand on the street and ask about the "Green Star." She's really lucky, because the green star could easily have been a producer-introduced element that the locals wouldn't know. It didn't work out that way, or her situation could have been even worse. Even so, this strategy doesn't look like it works too well, but I suppose Mary is desperately trying to make up time, and it's not impossible that this could have worked. Peach thinks they should just go up and look, and she doesn't like the idea of Mary walking around asking for directions, but indeed, eventually, a guy puts them on the track of the ferry. Once they're on board, Mary tells the camera that they're just going to hope that when they de-boat on the other side, the clue is there.
Meanwhile, Gary and Dave woo-hoo across Hong Kong Harbor on their way to the pit stop, where Phil is chuckling and waiting for them. They land on the mat, and Phil tells them they're first, and it's actually a relatively endearing Thunk moment. UNTIL, that is, Gary starts talking again. "The other teams used to think we were two stooges that were missing Moe. Now we got the mo, we got the big mo, we got the mo-men-tum..." Dave laughs. I look at my watch and wonder whether Sorkin's got something better on over at NBC. Then I remember the last few episodes I saw, and I go back to watching Gary.
Mary and the Fruit de-boat and are happy to see the clue awaiting them on the other side. They're the first to read the complete clue, incidentally, which reveals that the tea they're to drink at the herbalist (Peach pronounces it "HERbalist" also) is a tea to cure fatigue. This makes them laugh. Aww.
Taraweasel is looking for the tea, too, and they finally find it. "Hit me with the tea, baby," Tara says. I'm about ready to hit her with something a little stiffer than tea, that's for sure. They down the drink, and she makes a face. Their clue takes them to "the world's busiest container port," where they'll find further instructions. Phil explains that it's a "maze...of thousands of metal shipping containers!" Thank you, Phil-ence Olivier, for the dramatic reading.
Taraweasel jumps into a cab just as Boston finds the tea. They drink (Chris, of course, says "Cheers, dog," because how could we recognize him if he didn't?). They're off. The Teeth stand on a street corner, with Blake wondering aloud whether they might be eliminated. As Boston dumps their stuff in the back of a cab, Alex tells the driver that they need to go "very fast," and then mimes a stiff-armed, steering-wheel-clutching, accelerator-stomping example of aggressive driving, complete with revving noises, and then he playfully smacks the driver on the arm. I have to say that out of all the ways to get your driver to go fast, that's probably one of the best I've seen. I think that would work, no matter what country you're in or what language you speak. So score one point for Li'l No-Neck.
Cha-Cha-Cha arrives at the wishing tree. They tie their wishes to round weights and toss them up into the tree. Both stay up on the first try, and they get the container clue. Back in the cab, Oswald reveals that he wished for looove. Danny wished for health for his family. That's kinda nice. I would wish for one of those things also, but I'm not telling you which, lest my family think I don't care if they all get scurvy.
The Teeth take their tea, but Paige makes the mistake of stopping to think about how it tastes, which slows her down a bit. When they're through, they find a cab and get going. In the cab, Paige explains that their driver knows where he's going. "That makes us smile," Blake says, alarmingly flatly. "That makes Team Smiley happy," Paige adds, with an even more alarmingly flat grin. It's a very good thing these people are obviously tired, or I would be afraid they're made of plastic and wires.
Boston is getting ready to get the nasty portion of their groove on. "I'm jumping in front of people," Chris explains. "I don't care, I'm not getting eliminated." Chris seems to think that those watching him will be saying to themselves, "What happened to that nice boy?" Instead, I think it's safe to say we are all saying, "Well, it's about TIME, you knucklehead."
Wil and Tara arrive at the port, and are assigned little orange demi-vests. Boston is hot on their heels.
Mary and Peach are still looking for the herbalist. It's not going well.
Cha-Cha-Cha cab. "You still haven't let me eat," Oswald laments quietly. "I haven't let you eat, no," Danny says with his arms folded. "Because we're trying to finish this leg, we don't have time to stop for food." Oswald mentions that he can't even go to the bathroom, and then notices that over his shoulder, there is a place to eat. "There's food over there," he says sadly. Danny just stares at him. "'You have been eliminated,'" he says, and Oswald smiles. "I do not want to hear those words." "Okay," Oswald answers. Man, I love them.
The Adultery Alliance opens the Roadblock clue en masse. In this Roadblock, one team member goes up and gets in a crane, and then has to operate it competently enough to pick up a steel container and then put it down again. Chris and Tara take it. (Chris calls Alex "dog" again. Whatever.) As Tara zooms up to the top of the crane, she voices over that it was really pretty high, and they were eventually looking pretty far down at the container they had to pick up. I can easily imagine that this task would not go well for someone who had a fear of heights, because you very specifically have to look down. Yeesh. It quickly evolves into a race between Tara and Chris. In my favorite moment, Tara comments that from up on the crane, she could "kill somebody." Right then, Wil (who is down on the ground) yells, "Yeah!" Hee. Tara proceeds to kick the crane's ass, while Chris is still messing around trying to get his to work. He's mostly just slow, as opposed to really offensive, except when he takes the opportunity during another Chris's Crotch Cam shot to call himself a "smooth operator." Ick.
In an interview, Tara expresses her satisfaction at having beaten Chris, "the biggest boy here." Back at the Roadblock in real time, Wil says with a smile, "Sometimes girls are better than guys." As Tara climbs out of the crane, Wil manages to sort of insult her while praising her affectionately, saying essentially that she did great, in spite of being, in his opinion, a big weenie. I know of no better way to describe his display. Oh, and he calls her Bony again. They grab the clue, which sends them to the boat pit stop.
Boston gets the pit stop clue as well, and they're off.
When Danny and Oswald (adorable in their hardhats) read the Roadblock and see that it talks about "high above the ground," Danny chuckles. "You want me to do it, don't you?" Oswald says, "Yes." Danny actually does quite well with the crane, as Oswald looks on admiringly. "If I had to do that," Ozzie says, "I wouldn't have made it. I'm not very mechanical." I don't know why, but the way he says "I'm not very mechanical" makes me laugh like a ten-year-old.
Now the Teeth arrive.
Danny completes the Roadblock, and comments that he's "starting to feel very masculine." Not a week goes by that we don't see the butchness of Cha-Cha-Cha on prominent display, no?
Mary and the Fruit are still looking for the herbalist. (Sniff.) Peach says that she was "literally dragging behind." Now that is an amusing visual, although I'd really rather try it out with another team. Tara dragging Wil on a rope, for instance, would amuse me. Anyway, they continue to look, but it's looking grim in Fruitville, indeed.
Blake is at the Roadblock, looking snazzy but rather concerned under his hard hat. Basically, he cannot hit the container with the crane at all, and quite honestly the jokes about that are so numerous and so distasteful that I prefer to pretend that we never discussed them. Is that all right? Thank you so much. Paige looks on with her best approximation of deeply felt concern.
Finally, Mary and Peach find the tea. That's the good news. The bad news is that the Fruit, as if they need more problems, is the first person to actually choke on the part of the task where they have to drink the icky tea. "Why should I make myself sick and drink that?" she complains, in a moment I think is really one of her worst. "Because I walked this far," Mary says. "Well, so did I," Peach counters. "And I want to get the clue," Mary continues. She has a seat while Peach considers her plan of attack for the tea. Oh, come on, Fruit! Down the hatch! "It tastes like castor oil, and it makes me want to vomit instantly," she continues. What the Fruit is doing here is overthinking, I do believe. Drink it, and don't think about it -- I think that's the key to this particular Detour. She drinks it eventually, but then she goes around a corner and throws up. And this is where you see it: Killer Fatigue. "I just want to go. I can't do it anymore," Peach says finally. Yep. Killer Fatigue for sure. It ate Paul and Amie, it ate Momily, it ate the Frats...I think it even ate the Guidos. And I'm not talking about physical exhaustion (or not just about physical exhaustion) -- I'm talking about the mental fatigue that leads to a lack of concentration and the making of mistakes. Very understandable indeed, but it basically means you're done.
Commercials. Don't you like singing that Barenaked Ladies song in the car? Yeah, me too. Do you know what car that commercial is for? Yeah, me neither. Back to the drawing board, Bad-ison Avenue.
Things aren't going well for the Teeth at the Roadblock. Blake's crane is not cooperating. Finally, though, he clomps the jaws down on the container, and it lifts up off the truck. They read the pit stop clue, and they're off.
Back at the tea shop, Peach is apologizing for her behavior. "I'm sorry," she says. "We've had a slightly rough day," Mary dryly exposits to the shop lady, who finally coughs up the clue. As she and Mary sit and talk, Peach says that she's just run out of steam, and she's done her best, but she's plum worn out. When Peach says that her legs don't just "keep going," Mary gently points out that they don't have to walk anymore, they can just take a taxi and stop and have something to eat, and then they can make a decision when they're feeling a little more rested. I suspect that Mary knows they're eliminated, she just would rather not actually quit in the middle of the leg. She wants to finish the leg, no matter how slowly.
The Adultery Alliance whizzes toward the pit stop in dueling cabs. Wil eventually grabs the cab's radio and just starts asking for directions himself. I'm not sure that's a terribly promising plan, but I suppose it's better than sitting in the back seat and hoping for the best. Meanwhile, Danny and Oswald are still at the container port looking for a cab. "If they don't understand where we're going, we're in trouble," Oswald says. Despite the fact that they can't find a driver who really understands where they need to go, Danny successfully pushes for the option of getting out of the port and the chaos to somewhere where they can think. Could be a good idea, actually -- I think that's what I wound up wishing Nancy had done when she got so flustered in the market in India. Get out of the noise and get somewhere quiet, because at some point, chaos becomes counterproductive. They eventually wind up relying on the famous cabdriver "hunch." Eek!
Boston de-cabs and heads for the little boat that will take them to the pit stop boat. As it moves across, we get the famous Horns of Perseverance. They land on the mat, and Phil tells them they're in second place. They bump-hug again, and yell and crow about being number two. You know, these guys have a great system that's very good for their morale, which is that they keep letting themselves fall back, and then they feel really terrific when they once again surge forward in the pack. Seriously, here are their placements for the first seven legs of the race: sixth, second, seventh, seventh, first, sixth, second. I haven't seen so much bouncing around since the old days of Charlie's Angels.
In their cab, post-Roadblock, the Teeth ponder their fate. They have not had a good day, and they know they're dragging behind. They're just hoping they're not being eliminated. Blake is starting to look really, really scraggly. Mmm...What?
Taraweasel arrives at the pit stop boat, with nary a smile in sight. Finally, on the mat, they smile as Phil informs them that they're in third place. They high-five.
Cha-Cha-Cha pulls up in their cab. "I see the boat, that's totally it," Oswald says. As they ride across the harbor, Danny fantasizes about being Phil-iminated, and Oswald comments that he's "gonna throw up on Phil's shoes." Heh. As they land on the mat, though, there is no actual vomiting. Phil tells them they're in fourth, and they are ecstatically happy. That's good for them, because they've had a crappy couple of legs, and they've survived.
Not so lucky are Mary and the Fruit, now enjoying a little something to eat at the Corner Café. "We decided to make our own pit stop," Peach says, and Mary laughs with her. They actually seem okay.
The Teeth approach the pit stop boat. "Please don't let us go yet," Blake moans. "We've still got racin' left in us." Oh, argh. They land on the mat and get the news from Phil. They are not last. They barely react. "Oh, good," they say. No, really. "Oh, good."
Here come Mary and the Fruit, up to the container port. They pull the clue, but it just says to get to the pit stop boat. Sigh. And them with their little hard hats and everything. "I have changed so much since we started," the Fruit voices over as they approach the pit stop. "I've done a lot of things I never would have done," she adds, probably not thinking about throwing up in a corner, like she did today. In an interview, she's all hot-rollered again, and she explains that she did the best she could, and she and Mary are "sisters, no matter what." They climb up on the mat, Mary refusing the hand that's offered to pull her on board. Hee. Phil tells them they're the last to arrive. "We know that," Mary says. "You're kiddin', Phil," the Fruit snarks. They comment that it certainly was a "big slide" from first to last in one leg, but of course it was really one bunch that did it. "You have your good and your bad," Mary says, "So you take your good from it and dump the bad, 'cause life's just a little too short." Peach is busy being proud of herself for all that she did. Which is nice.
week: Two hours. Miss Alli gets carpal tunnel. Oswald and Danny shop. Tara and the Weasel fight. The Teeth have nothing to smile about. Somebody messes up something, and because the previews suggest it's Blake and Paige and Taraweasel, it's probably someone else entirely.