I hate Adelphia Cable. Yes, the stupid buying-up-every-other-cable-company around here continues to suck balls and cut off the first five or so minutes of Temptation Island 2 this week. Why couldn't it have messed up when I was going to watch Meet The Press or something? Oh yeah, because I don't watch that stuff.
So from what I can sleuth out: the girls talk about bonfire. Nikkole talks about Tommy and "White Eye Shadow Girl," and says she would rather he just kick it with one girl ho than ho all over the place. Catherine starts to realize Edmundo's a ho ho ho. Meanwhile, the guys are bummed when they realize Tony is gone, but also say they think Tony is whipped as hell and that their marriage is doomed. True that. Katie is the one who figures this out the most, God love her. Edmundo is mad he didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Tony. Meanwhile, Shannon cries when she realizes that Genevieve is gone. The boy hos, however, cheer when they learn of G-funk's gone-ness. And Donna is sad because she dug Tony. (Yeah. Right.)
Mark L. Walberg tools out to the airstrip to meet the new couple. Mark and Kelley have been together for over a year and are from Florida, strengthening my suspicion that many of America's problems could be solved if we just cut and push Florida out into the ocean. (Let's make sure to do it while J. Lo is there, okay?) Mark has double earrings and is a cop. Kelley has a strange neck and fake boobies. (So just for an update, it seems to me that three of the four temptee girls now on the island have fake tits. That's so...something.) Mark says that their relationship is getting stale. Mark L. Walberg asks how they feel, and they both lie that they're scared and nervous. Kelley goes on to say that Mark used to be a player even though now she trusts him. They kiss as Mark L. Walberg takes Mark off to meet the girl hos. Kelley sticks out her tits as she voice-overs that she's fine letting Mark "explore." Mark L. Walberg points out stuff along the beach as Mark just thinks, "Tool."
Girl hos and temptee guys. Floating in the pool. The Two Marks arrive. Edmundo gives Mark dirty looks. Pink already has plans to fuck him. John camera-talks that it was unexpected that a new guy was coming. John says, "New meat." John likes him a bit too much. The girl hos all sit and stick their titties out and giggle way too hard as they sit to talk and get to ho each other. Mark says he likes being with Kelley, but that he used to be a player and feels strangled. Pink looks at him like she would like to strangle him with her thighs. She could, too. Mark voice-overs that he knows he needs to grow up and some shit about how much he likes women. He babbles on that he bought a house and Kelley moved in, and then Edmundo camera-talks that all the girls took their attention away from him and put it on Mark and he didn't like it. Dude, trust me: getting Hillary's scary-ass attention off you for a while could be a very good thing. Mark lies that he's going to miss "the hugs of Kelley." He goes on that this is heaven for a guy. Immediately, he and Pink start getting drunk.
Ladies' side. Everyone is drinking as Mark L. Walberg and Kelley ride in on horses. Fucking funny sight, Mark L. Walberg trying to stop the horse. Catherine and crew read lines stiffly. "You think we're getting a new couple?" "No way." "What is going on? I don't like not knowing." Everyone speculates as someone yells, "Marky Mark." Mark L. Walberg interrupts and introduces Kelley. "Shut the front door!" yells Rossi. I hate Rossi. The boys immediately stand and flex. The ladies, meanwhile, throw Kelley some stink-eye that I can even smell from here. Kelley greets the girls way over-enthusiastically, and if you ever needed any evidence that girls are fucking horrible to each other, look at how Nikkole, then Catherine, and then Shannon all dis Kelley when she says, "Hi." Fucking bitches. Seriously. Kelley's trained enough in the ways of women to ignore it, however. Of course, she does raise her voice about two octaves as she goes around introducing herself to the boys. Shannon bitch-overs that they are all worried and that the boy hos all look like dogs in heat. They do. It's pretty funny. Catherine still won't say a word. Keebler Tom and Rossi go into the peeing-on-each- other-for-Alpha-male schtick. Finally, Catherine asks Kelley why she and Mark are here. Kelley, who has a cute little overbite and is tiny bit cross-eyed and has an overly peppy manner, says that she's the first girl Mark has ever lived with and he wants her to get a real job -- she's a bartender. ["Another one?!" -- Wing Chun] She says that she would love a career and she's going to school and she's "older" and is afraid Mark is going to "give up" on her. She camera-talks this and cries a bit. The girls all talk, and it seems that miraculously, no blood is shed. Commercials.
Horses. Mark L. Walberg leads the new couple to a bluff where they stand as Kelley camera-talks that she and Mark will be friends forever no matter what, but that she's afraid of what's going to happen. Now they have a candlelight dinner which Mark L. Walberg ruins just by being there. He toasts them and their long journey. They pretend the champagne is good, and sit. Mark L. Walberg tells them to tell him about themselves, but they hate him already so they say nothing. Finally, he asks what their biggest fear is. Kelley says she's afraid they'll come to a realization that they're not right for one another. Mark says he has to be selfish, and that both Mark's and Kelley's parents broke up, and he has to worry about himself and make sure he's in a good relationship. The double earrings are not working for him. Kelley and Mark reveal that it was Mark's idea to come here. Kelley points to Mark like she's pissed at him for making her do this. Mark says it's every guy's dream to be single again. Ouch. Mark L. Walberg leaves to let them eat dinner. They're happy he's gone. They talk and feed each other food. "It's getting real, huh?" says Kelley. Yeah, real boring.