After announcing Denise as the winner, Probst starts out with one of his beloved informal votes to discover that Denise would have even beat Malcolm if he'd gone to the final three.
Everyone is pretty genial and kind while answering questions. Penner and Jeff Kent joke about their rivalry. Probst misses an opportunity to ask people if they were surprised to learn Jeff Kent was a baseball player. He asks Skupin, "Why do you get hurt all the time?" because that's useful information to have.
Probst asks Lisa about how her religion was portrayed and she tries to explain how she doesn't think God has a favorite team, country, or religion (she had me) and he's happy that Denise won and she lost (she lost me). Lisa talks for a long time and I tune out after a while. Russell talks about how much it rained (a lot) and Dana talks about how much it sucked to get medically evacuated (a lot).
Probst compares Malcolm to Ozzy (of course, but please don't let him get Ozzy's ego) and Malcolm says he knew he could never win that challenge. Malcolm sounds really nervous and his voice is shaking, and he uses the word "swagger" which bugs me. But Probst looooooooooves him. Gross.
Abi comes off as really likable and nice, and says that she knows she was a jerk. RC, on the other hand, is really in love with herself and clearly preplanned some sound bites that fall flat. And Pete got hot?
Jeez, I totally forgot about Fan Favorite. Probst says it was the closest they've ever had, and it came down to Malcolm and Lisa. And the winner is Lisa! Probst gives a few seconds to all of the early bootees. Dawson gets the moment of the night when she runs down and kisses Probst full on the lips. That was kind of hilarious.
season is another Fans vs. Favorites with ten fans and ten returnees. And I guess Denise isn't going to be on the CBS morning show because Probst hands over the check and then we're out until February!
After Denise was announced as the winner -- and after a commercial break -- we return to a video montage of her greatest hits, especially how often people at Tribal Council said that either Denise or Malcolm was going to win and how awesome she looked during challenges.
Probst looks weird now that he's changed out of his regular blue shirt and into a T-shirt. Is this Casual Probst? Are there Probst action figures? I want one! Anyway, Probst has heard from "people on the street" that fans saw Denise as an underdog. I still want a full account of what people on which street, because I know "people on the forums" and they almost never agree with the people that Probst meets on the street. Also, every time he says it, I get "Under Pressure" stuck in my head. Anyway, Denise believed that she was an underdog too, because she had to fight the whole way.
When she got to the final four, she really thought it was over and she had to cut Malcolm at that point. She agrees that it was her biggest move. Probst asks Malcolm why he didn't lie to Denise about making a final three alliance and Malcolm jokes that he took a page from Penner's How To Be Voted Out playbook. Here's the thing about reunions: I really hate it when people who have spent the last however months coming up with snarky comebacks and asides to spout at the reunion, because it always sounds fake and rehearsed. I mean, sure you're going to think about what you will say or what you might be asked. But pre-planned quips just fall flat for me. Anyway, Malcolm explains that he thought he had a solid alliance with Skupin and Lisa and it wasn't until Lisa said at the final Tribal that she didn't want to take him that he realized he was toast.
If you've ever seen a Survivor reunion, you know that Probst loves to do an informal poll of the jury to see how things could have been different, so he asks who on the jury would have voted for Malcolm. Lisa and Jeff Kent are the only ones who put their hands up. According to Malcolm, Pete, Penner and Carter were just fucking with Probst and would have voted for him too. I don't understand the "joke." OH NOES they're messing with Probst's stupid informal poll! Pretty much everyone says that they would have voted for Denise over Malcolm and Probst doesn't even have anything to say because why would anyone vote for a woman over an alpha male like Malcolm? That does not compute for Probst.
Probst's question is even weirder: he wants to know what Denise's sex therapy clients thought about her wearing a bikini and appearing vulnerable. Whuh? Why is that even a question about the game? Denise says her clients have all been supportive. Good for them.
Probst says that Lisa screwed Malcolm over after he took her on a reward. Is that a question? Or are you just upset that she screwed over your lover Malcolm? Lisa says that Malcolm took her for strategic reasons so it wasn't like she was the only one playing the game.
Probst asks Penner why he didn't take Lisa's offer of a final four alliance when he had the chance. Penner (who's got some weird hair happening -- maybe plugs, definitely a dye job, possibly a perm?) says that he didn't realize the end game was upon them and he wanted to continue playing an open, honest game with Lisa. Hey, Probst! Ask Penner why he outed Lisa in the final Tribal and find out who cared. And also, what about Jeff Kent lying? Oh... sorry. We need to talk about more alpha male bullshit. Probst wants to know why Penner and Jeff Kent didn't get along. Penner says he thought they did have an alliance. Jeff Kent says he was trying to deflect attention from himself by dumping it on Penner. They refer obliquely to the time when Penner screwed up the voting by voting for Abi randomly, but why would we want to hear Penner explain that one? Let's move on. Sigh.
Probst wants to know if Skupin is surprised he didn't get more votes. Skupin says that he knows that he worked really hard so he thought he would get all the votes. He reminds us that he didn't see Lisa or Denise's confessionals so he thought his game was the best. Lisa is more realistic and says that she knew her game was kind of a mess, but she grew. Then she recites the "Facts of Life" theme song. I wish I were kidding, but remember what I said earlier about pre-planned soundbites? There's one.
Probst tells Jeff Kent that his exit speech was probably the best ever. WHAT? Did those people on that street tell Probst that? It was terrible and stupid. Anyway, he wants to know why winning this game was so important to him, since he didn't need the money or the fame. Can we talk about when people found out who Jeff Kent was? No? Not going to address it? Okay. Also, they show a picture of Jeff Kent during his playing games and he looks exactly the same as he does now, as he did on the island and as he did on the jury. You guys, I think Jeff Kent is a robot. Anyway, he's competitive. And he was a good sport during the challenges, even though he was a terrible sport while he played baseball.
Probst shows a clip package of all of Skupin's injuries. Skupin says he plays really hard and the injuries didn't even affect him. Probst explains how Skupin shattered the mask. Like, we didn't watch the whole show? Anyway, Probst has the mask and he gives it to Skupin as a souvenir.
When we return from break, we get to see a clip package all about "Lisa's Journey." I kind of feel like this whole season was all about Lisa's Journey. The editors really did her a favor since from what the other contestants have said in post-game interviews is that she was really nice, but not considered a major player. And yet, she was largely the star of this season.
And now Probst is going to talk more about Lisa and Her Journey. Probst asks if she was concerned about her public image going on the show, and Lisa says she really wasn't, because she's really more down-to-earth than Blair. She claims she wasn't self-conscious about her appearance, but then why did she get a perm and tattooed eyebrows before going on the show? Probst asks if she was concerned about how her religion would be portrayed. Lisa makes a lot of sense when she says that she doesn't think prayer translates on television and she doesn't think God cares who wins Survivor, or have a favorite team, country, or even religion. I like that brand of Christianity. I got a little confused in this part, but I think what she's trying to say is that God cares about all of his people, so he cared that Denise won in as much as he just cares about Denise, but he didn't make it happen. So basically, God is in the tub.
Probst asks if it was tough for her to play the game, which required her to do things that weren't Godly. Lisa says that she's always been a people-pleaser and a God-pleaser, and wanted people and God to like her, but she had to realize while playing that it's okay to be human and be both good and bad inside the game and outside of the game. I didn't love this interlude when I first watched the reunion, but it's bugging me a lot less right now. I think it makes more sense on second viewing.
Probst won't let it go and asks Lisa what appealed about going on Survivor, since she pursued the show and not the other way around. Lisa talks about how she's always loved the game and she read a book that advised her to put herself out of her comfort zone and stop trying to control everything, and that's what Survivor did for her. Then we get to see her reunion with her brother again where she just LOST IT, all sobbing and snotty. Probst asks what her brother said and Lisa says that he convinced her to play from her gut, because her heart loved her fellow contestants, but her head wanted to knock them all out and win the money. Probst shows a split screen of Lisa before her brother's visit (looks like hell) and after (looks like a grinning maniac and might murder me in my sleep).
Well, that was a lot of time to spend on Lisa, who didn't win. Probst brings up the rain. It rained for twenty-one days straight and asks for Russell his reaction to it. Russell says it was miserable, as you never got dry or warm. You never even got a towel. Probst brings up Dana's medevac, since everyone knew she didn't want to leave, but couldn't stay. Dana admits that she doesn't remember much of it, other than saying she needed help and then Probst showed up. She hopes she might get to play again, but Probst doesn't sound too sure about that. I wouldn't mind seeing Dana again. I thought she was scrappy.
Probst gets to talk to his boyfriend, Malcolm! Yay! The clip package reminds us that Malcolm started out miserable on a losing tribe, but then he started winning individual challenges and he "got his swag back." You know who else talks about swag a lot? Justin Bieber. I'm just saying, Malcolm. You're a grown man. Cut that out. Probst tells Malcolm that he broke a lot of hearts when he didn't win. Oh, Probst. Stop talking about yourself and pretending like you're talking about "the little girls." Probst asks Malcolm about the final challenge and Malcolm says he looked at the challenge, knew about his shaky hands and knew he was going to lose, and wouldn't win even if he had a hundred chances.
Probst reminds us that Malcolm is "one of the most popular people to ever play" (i.e. Probst loves him) and wonders what it's like to get "all this adoration." Malcolm says it's nice and he felt the show portrayed him accurately. Probst wants to know why Malcolm is so awesome like Ozzy. Seriously, that's his question. Malcolm says it's all about confidence. Probst wants to hear about the whale shark, and Malcolm says he wasn't supposed to touch it, but then Skupin got head-butted and Malcolm went for it. Malcolm sounds nervous. His voice is shaky. Probst asks what his takeaway is and Malcolm says that he was angry because he's really competitive and he didn't win. When Probst asks, Malcolm says he'd consider playing again. Gee, I wonder if he will? Wink. Also, he's single.
Abi clip package. She was terrible. She was mean. She was a bully. She said awful things. She couldn't believe that people didn't like her. Probst wants to know if Abi was really surprised that people didn't like her, and Abi says she was, but the show was a huge learning experience and she has a lot of growing to do. Probst asks, "How so?" and Abi laughs and says, "Did you watch the show?" See, that's redeeming. Abi admits that she was abrasive, passive-aggressive, and emotional and that she needs to take a chill pill. Probst shows the clip where Abi kept calling Skupin an idiot and a moron at Tribal Council, but then doesn't ask a question. So what was the point of that?
Probst asks RC if Abi was her downfall. RC says that it was all Abi's fault, basically. Probst asks Pete if he realizes that Abi was his downfall too and brings up hiding the note. Pete thought it was funny. RC interrupts and says she's glad Pete has long arms to pat himself on the back, because it was the worst move imaginable. That's an example of a line that RC thought up a long time ago and waited to deploy, and it's annoying. She's not wrong; it was a terrible move and Pete did think a lot of himself for making it, but be a real person for five seconds, RC. Pete thinks some people are still a little bitter and RC has no comeback, because she didn't plan ahead for that line.
After another break, Probst is ready to announce the Viewer's Choice for player of the season. Probst says it was the closest they've ever had and at one point it was within 200 votes. It came down to Malcolm and Lisa and the winner is...Lisa! She gets a hundred grand. Thank you, editors!
Time for one-liners with the losers! Angie had a great experience. Zane denies engineering his way out of the game and insists that he just made a bad move. Roxy was upset, but she had an amazing experience and got to show how she is, and she knows that her speaking in tongues time was memorable. She's smiling when she says it. Probst asks Katie if she was mad at him for hectoring her and she laughs about it, but says she had a great time with her fellow losers and she's glad Denise won. Artis says he wasn't angry during the game (yes he was) and says that's just his face. Carter was bubbly and talkative in pre-show interviews, but he had a really hard time with the rain and the hunger. I have a hard time thinking of Carter as bubbly. When Probst starts talking to Dawson, she runs up and kisses him right on the mouth. Like a real kiss. Probst says she doesn't kiss as good as his wife, and sure it was probably sexual assault, but it made me chuckle. It's nice to have something unscripted on the show.
season is Fans vs. Favorites again and it's in the same place but they're calling it Caramoan. I hear there's less rain this time so there will be more water challenges. Here's hoping.
Probst concludes by giving Denise a tiny check instead of the giant novelty check and asks about the money. Denise says it's life changing and it'll go far in Iowa. Probst thanks everyone for a fabulous season. It was really good, probably my favorite of the last five or so. Thanks, show! Keep it up! See y'all in February.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.