Always Wear Sunscreen

S26E01

As you already know if you've seen any advertisements or read any Internet articles, this season is another Fans vs. Favorites edition. So let's start with the Favorites (or "Favorites" as the case may be). We've got Malcolm from last season, Cochran, Dawn and Brandon Hantz, Brenda, Erik the Dummy, Andrea, Corinne, Crazy Philip Pink Undies and his nemesis Francesca (or Franchessqua, as he pronounced it).

As soon as they all arrive, they participate in a challenge to win flint and twenty pounds of beans. It involves a race through thigh-deep water to retrieve a ring and bring it back to the starting pole. One man and one woman from each team compete together. Erik hilariously goes up against the giant Shamar in the first round and loses, but the Favorites get it back in the round. Crazy Philip dominates in the round and the Favorites take a lead. In the round, they trade genders with Cochran defending the female fan and Francesca taking on the dude. Francesca totally holds her own and nearly drowns her opponent on the way to winning the round. The two alpha males (Malcolm for the Favorites and Reynold for the Fans) go head to head. Probst pops a boner even before Malcolm's shorts fall down and he wins anyway. The Favorites win the first challenge.

The Fans tribe is Gota and they head to camp. Shamar insists that their first priority should be making fire so they can boil water. A few people (mostly Matt, the Sons of Anarchy reject) start building a shelter and Shamar protests, and he and Matt get into it. Meanwhile, Shamar was sitting around sweating instead of trying to start a fire. Then again, Shamar's a huge dude; I think he's probably used to getting his way. Eventually Shamar gets off his ass and starts fire (with the tribe's help) so he probably saved himself.

Over on Favorites (Bikal), Francesca, Dawn and Andrea make an immediate alliance. Francesca tries to smooth things over with Philip, who is crazy so there's no point. Philip has decided to play by Boston Rob rules and he makes an immediate alliance with Corinne, Andrea, Malcolm, Cochran and I guess Erik? He assigns codenames to everyone. He's crazy. Did I mention that?

There are other alliances happening on Gota. Reynold makes a Final Two alliance with Alli, and talks about how they need to be cool with each other around camp and how she's not the cutest so it won't be obvious? And then they get cuddly that night in the shelter and others notice. Eddie makes an alliance (and hopes to make more) with Hope because they're the two best-looking people there. I mean, those are his words.

Eddie, Alli, Hope and Reynold giggle and agree that they are the "cool kid lunch table" and start hanging out with only each other and assume everyone else wants to be with them. Wow, do they not understand non-cool people. Everyone else aligns against them, obviously. Matt and Michael make a super secret sub-alliance where they decide to float and see which major alliance to join.

At the Immunity Challenge, the teams have to toss crates off a balcony so that they break open and give access to the sandbags inside. Once all the crates are dropped, the last two players have to toss sandbags into holes on a board until all six are full. Reynold beats Malcolm in the tossing despite Malcolm having a lead going into it and the Fans win the first Immunity, as well as the flint they were lacking.

Obviously, there is a lot of wheeling and dealing back at the Favorites camp. Andrea seems to be playing all sides. Francesca wants to get rid of Philip or Corinne, and she's incredibly paranoid. And she may not be wrong, since Philip is gunning for her. Erik and Brandon seem to be getting tight. Dawn and Cochran are tight. Just before they go to the vote, Brandon and Erik realize that Andrea is playing all sides so they convince Francesca to switch the vote to her. So Malcolm, Dawn, Philip, Andrea, Cochran and Corinne end up voting for Francesca, while Brenda, Francesca, Brandon and Erik vote for Andrea. That means Francesca gets voted out again. I was kind of surprised by Dawn, but I guess Cochran probably swayed her.

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Probst voiceover introduces us to this season's setting (Caramoan Islands) as we see various wildlife skittering around. Ten fans of the show (allegedly) are on a catamaran, heading to their temporary home. There are two guys who actually get talking heads - one looks like a reject from Sons of Anarchy and the other is a former Marine who served in Iraq. All of the contestants on the boat are checking one another out, trying to suss out who might be strong competition and who might be worthy of an alliance.

The other tribe, the Favorites, gets to fly in on a helicopter. This tribe consists of: Malcolm from last season, who has the advantage of no one else seeing his season yet, since this was filmed before his season aired. Cochran, the nebbishy nerd who kept flipping until everyone realized he couldn't be trusted. Dawn, whose loyalty meant she didn't join Cochran in flipping and ended up on the minority faction. Brenda, who thought she was running things until her elimination showed her she wasn't. Erik, who committed what may be the dumbest Survivor move of all time - giving up an Immunity Idol at Tribal, and then getting voted out. Of course, Brandon did the same thing, but it was less because of manipulation by others, and more because he's nutso. Andrea, who I don't really remember except that she was part of Boston Rob's harem until she wasn't. Corinne, whom I also don't remember except that she was on the season with Bob and Sugar. Phillip, the crazy guy in the pink undies. Francesca, who was voted out first in her season so why is she back again? I wouldn't say that any of these people were my favorites. I liked Malcolm all right last season, and Dawn never bugged me that much. I couldn't much care about the rest of them.

The Fans' boat arrives on the beach. The first guy off bites it into the water, which was great, because he's wearing hipster hat and glasses, so you know he thought he was super cool. Probst welcomes them and then announces that they'll be playing against returning favorites. And Malcolm, who will be a stranger to them. Probst introduces each Favorite one-by-one and the Fans offer commentary like "She's dangerous" and "That's Russell's nephew!" I would just be like, "Who?"

Probst tosses each tribe a bag full of buffs and says they're going to start out with a challenge. This Reward Challenge is sort of a "Capture the Flag" scenario. Each team puts a man and a woman on the course (which is thigh-deep water), and they have to try to grab a ring and bring it back to their own flag to earn a point while their opponents are trying to A) stop them and B) get the ring for themselves. The first tribe to earn four points wins flint and a sack of beans.

The first round is Erik and Dawn taking on Shamar (the giant ex-Marine) and Julia. Erik gets the ring first but now he has to get back past Shamar. He decides to punt and tosses the ring to Dawn. The two women squabble but Shamar ends up with the ring and gets the first point for the Fans.

Second round: Brandon and Andrea versus Hope and Eddie (two of the young hotties on the Fans tribe). Eddie gets to the ring first and then heaves it toward his pole and hopes Hope (heh) will get to it and earn the point quickly. It doesn't work out that way, and soon all four are tied up, holding the ring. Brandon manages to drag the whole group near the pole and Andrea reaches out and earns a point, tying the score.

Third round is Michael (hat and glasses guy, who is now wearing neither and looks like a younger John Malkovich) and Sherri versus Phillip and Brenda. And yes, Phillip is wearing the undies. Michael grabs the ring first. Phillip engages him and soon they are all tied up. Phillip grabs Michael's foot and drags the whole group over to the pole, then grabs the ring too and earns a point, so the Favorites are up two to one. While they were tussling, Shamar yelled out, "Break her wrist" so loudly and fervently that Probst even stopped and went, "What?" Shamar claimed that he meant they should break the hold, but that guy might have some issues.

Fourth round: Cochran and Francesca versus Matt (biker dude) and Laura. None of them want to get the ring, but eventually Matt goes after it. Francesca ends up guarding him while Cochran goes after the tiny Laura. Francesca takes Matt down. Go, girl! They all get tied up, but Cochran and Francesca manage to drag the group over to the pole and earn another point for their tribe. It seems like the Favorites have used the same strategy for the past few rounds, and the Fans haven't come up with a way to combat it. The Favorites are up three to one, so they only need one more point.

Fifth round: Malcolm and Corinne versus Reynold and Allie. Malcolm and Reynold sprint for the ring. It really bothers me that Reynold doesn't have an s on the end of his name. Anyway, he gets to the ring first and is about to heave it to Allie but Malcolm dives in front of it and blocks the pass. Once again, they all get tied up. Malcolm's shorts fall down and he still doesn't quit. Corinne nearly gets the point but then Malcolm manages to get the group over to the pole and earns the winning point. Brandon and Malcolm share a giant hug and Phillip advises them not to celebrate too much. When did he turn into the elder statesman? Also, it kind of ruins the not-celebrating if you make a point of stating that you're not overly celebrating, doesn't it?

The Fans arrive on their beach. Shamar interviews that he hates not winning, but it made him realize that he doesn't have control of this game. Good thing he realized that now, because he really, really doesn't. Shamar tells everyone that they need to get a fire started so that they can boil water, and Reynold agrees, since they're almost out of water already. Matt thinks shelter is also important, and also thinks that they don't need ten people trying to start a fire, so he starts working on the shelter.

Time passes and I guess everyone is working on the shelter now? Shamar walks up and shows off his people skills by telling everyone that they're wasting their energy and he doesn't care about the shelter because they need fire. Here's how you solve this problem: start a fire. Everyone will love you and you don't have to waste your energy (to use his words) bitching at people because they aren't doing what you ordered them to do. Matt says that everyone has a job to do, and someone needs to work on a shelter. Shamar is basically like "whatever" and walks away and sits down and does nothing.

A bit later, some of the others are telling Matt that he's doing a great job and he makes a comment about how he's being attacked for what he's doing, which is pretty passive-aggressive since Shamar is sitting RIGHT THERE. Shamar calls him out on it, but it's pretty aggressive-aggressive. Reynold interviews that he's worried that his tribe won't have enough unity to win a competition. This is followed closely by Shamar yelling at Matt to shut up. Yikes.

The Favorites arrive at their beach. Malcolm interviews that he's the new kid and needs to manage the impression he gives others, but he made the winning point in the first challenge, and that helps. Phillip interviews that he knows he can survive the elements this time and he compares himself to his father hitting the beach in Iwo Jima. Somewhere Phillip's father is like, "Come on, dude."

They start building a shelter and Brenda engages Phillip and kind of makes fun of him but also seems to be looking at him for a source of wisdom. Really? Him?!? Francesca interviews that she's hoping her poor past history will mean that people won't see her as a threat. Oh, no worries. Although she did take down Matt in the challenge. Francesca, Andrea, and Dawn have a quick confab in the jungle and decide to form an alliance with Cochran and they think Brandon will also be loyal if they bring him in. Francesca interviews that she's trying to make relationships as we see her talking to each person on her tribe individually.

Francesca wants to clear her final hurdle so she approaches Phillip and basically says, "I was never gunning for you on our original season, so no hard feelings?" Phillip doesn't really respond and then he interviews that Francesca is stuck in a time warp and he throws out the episode title: "She annoys me greatly." Francesca interviews that she's not gunning for Phillip and she hopes he's not gunning for her, and if she gets voted off first again, she'll eat a rock. When I saw that moment, I knew she was going if her tribe lost the challenge. The editors wouldn't put that in otherwise.

Back over at Fans (Gota tribe, but if I use that, no one will know what I'm talking about), Matt is still building shelter while a bunch of other people are trying to make fire. I don't even know what they're doing. They're using two giant sticks and even I know you need a hollow and then one smaller stick and some kindling. Samar interviews that he was watching them all work and knew what they were doing wrong so he finally stepped in. Well, isn't that big of him. He let them all fall on their faces and waste energy and then decided to let them know he's a fire-making expert. Anyway, they all work together and end up starting a fire. They all celebrate and Matt and Shamar set aside their differences.

The favorites are eating their first batch of rice together. Phillip interviews that he learned a lot from playing with Boston Rob, and he created "the BR Rules." They are: get an alliance, get an alliance within the alliance, and get rid of your alliance before they get rid of you. And also, you don't owe anybody anything. Did Boston Rob invent that strategy? I don't think so, but I'm no show historian. Then again, Phillip is crazy so why am I taking him seriously?

Phillip and Corinne have a jungle meeting. Phillip says he wants an early alliance with her, Malcolm, and Andrea. He interviews that he wants to find people who are dominant, so he chooses Corinne and Andrea because they are take-charge types who are into strategy. Corinne says she's in and she quickly recruits Malcolm. Phillip tells Corinne and Andrea that he also wants Dawn, so they recruit her, and then Phillip gets Malcolm. Finally, Phillip goes up to Erik and basically says, "I have an alliance that's big enough to control the game, and I'd like you to join us but you need to trust me, or we'll vote you out. But I'm not in charge. I'm just a messenger." Erik shines him on and then interviews that he didn't like being told he had no choice but to join Phillip's alliance, and he thinks Phillip is crazy to boot. Hey, Erik learned a few things.

Reynold and Eddie are hard at work digging holes (?) and agree that they need to band together because, as the young males, they might be first on the chopping block. Reynold then recruits Allie, since they were paired up in the challenge and got along. They agree to a final two alliance and then agree to act like they're only casual friends at camp so it's not obvious. Keep that in mind. Reynold interviews that he knew the other guys would want to align with him (he did?) but he needed more people and he thinks Allie is just normal and while she's "not the cutest" (ouch), she's likable. Reynold really loves himself, especially for a dude named Reynold.

That night, Eddie and Hope stand in the shallows and talk about how beautiful the stars are, and then affirm their alliance. Eddie thinks he's on The Bachelor and says they have a connection. And then they agree that they're the two best-looking people there. Dear Attractive People Of the World: No one likes it when you talk about how attractive you are. This is also true of smart people, rich people (especially inherited wealth), or any other people who were genetically blessed. You didn't do anything to earn it, so you can certainly enjoy it, but don't lord it over the rest of us plebes. Thanks. They agree to join up with Reynold and Allie.

Later, everyone piles into the shelter and cuddles up. Laura notices that Reynold and Allie are doing a little more than cuddling for body warmth. There is definite caressing and rubbing happening. Laura interviews that romantic alliances put a target on your back, so they're dummies. Whatever happened to being distant at camp? They ARE dummies. And boy is Allie going to be mad when she finds out Reynold thought she was not the cutest.

It's Day 3, and the Favorites tribe is sweating as the sun beats down. Cochran confirms with Francesca that it's really hot and then shows off his sunburn to the tribe. They are shocked. His feet are so sunburned that they are swollen. I've had that sunburn - when I was a teenager. Then I learned about sunblock. I get that you might miss a spot or whatever, but how do you not reapply ESPECIALLY if you have Cochran's complexion. I thought he was supposed to be smart? Anyway, Cochran interviews that his sunburn is killing him but he's not going to let on to the tribe because he doesn't want to be seen as a whiner, and he also doesn't want anyone to think he can't contribute in challenges.

Over at the Fans' camp, people are greeting the morning in various ways. Samar's method includes doing a full heel stretch that puts his foot up over his head. For a big guy, he's amazingly limber. Meanwhile, Eddie, Reynold, Allie, and Hope are hanging out in the water together. So much for not letting on that they're friends. They all agree that it was pointless to avoid one another, since the cool kids just HAVE to hang out together. They giggle about how it's "high school all over again" and they assume that everyone else wants to be part of their group. Awesomely, back in camp, the rest of the women are talking about how there was a lot of cuddling going on last night, and Sherri says that they need to break up the cuddle. The other women and Michael agree that they're in it to break up the couples. Michael interviews that he promised to go with the ladies, but he actually intends to play the middle.

Michael and Matt bond in the water. What is it about the water and bonding? Michael admits that he agreed to go with the ladies, but he's more interested in going with Matt, whatever he decides. Matt thinks they don't need to join any alliance right off the bat, and Michael agrees, as long as he and Matt stick together. Matt hopes that they win immunity and don't have to make a decision about an alliance for a while.

And speaking of Immunity, it's time for the first Immunity Challenge, but not before Probst tells Cochran how bad his sunburn is. You'd think Cochran would at least wear a hat so his scalp wouldn't get sunburned, but no.

Probst explains the challenge. Teams of two will race up to the first floor of a scaffolding and toss three crates to the ground, breaking them open to reveal the sandbags inside. Then the pair has to do the same on the second floor and the final pair on the third floor. Once all the crates are broken, the final pair will toss the sandbags into holes on a board, similar to the popular picnic/tailgating game Cornhole. The first tribe to get six bags in their spots wins immunity.

Cochran and Philip go first for the Favorites (which Probst calls the Heroes, oops) and they make quick work of it, as do Laura and Sherri for the Fans. Francesca and Corinne are for the Favorites, and head up to the second floor, as do Hope and Michael, who are slightly behind. It's still pretty even as Julia and Matt head out slightly ahead for the Favorites while Erik and Brenda go up for the Fans. And for the final round, Eddie and Allie lose some ground against Brandon and Andrea, who return to the mat before their opponents even finish throwing the crates over.

This means that Malcolm and Dawn get to start tossing sandbags before Reynold and Shamar. Malcolm gets three holes filled before Reynold even starts tossing. But ol' Reynold has played some Cornhole in his day, and he quickly catches up to Malcolm and passes him. Reynold only lacks one, and with a few more tosses, he gets it and the Fans win Immunity. It wasn't really Malcolm's fault; he came really close. It was kind of more luck than anything.

The Favorites walk back to camp, dejected. At least Cochran has learned his lesson; he's walking on the beach with a scarf or something over his head like a shroud. Francesca interviews that the challenge loss seemed unlucky, since the sandbag toss was really a crap shoot. Francesca and Cochran settle into the shelter and Francesca says that she thinks Phillip needs to go. Cochran says he hasn't talked to Phillip about game strategy (not true). Francesca says her alternative is Corinne, even though she likes her. Francesca interviews that Corinne is acting like they aren't even playing a game, which makes Francesca suspicious. Before Francesca and Cochran can talk much, Corinne joins them. And then Brandon and Andrea come up and Francesca immediately says it should be Phillip. No one really disagrees, and Francesca says that she doesn't think anyone really will.

By Kim

Dawn, Brenda, and Brandon have a chat about the voting. Brandon is pretty sure Andrea is playing both sides, and for once, Brandon isn't nutso. Brenda agrees, but Dawn thinks they're just being paranoid. And while Brandon is usually against pretty ladies because he's got deep-seated issues, it's actually working for him. Dawn's point is that Francesca is tight with Andrea and trusts her, so if Brandon thinks something's up, he should take it to Francesca. Erik also got a bad vibe from Andrea, so they decide to take it to Francesca.

Erik and Brandon tells Francesca that they think Andrea is playing both sides. Their idea is to take their three votes along with Brenda and Dawn and blindside Andrea. Francesca protests that she trusts Cochran but not Andrea, so now she doesn't know what to do because they're leaving for Tribal right then. Francesca jokes to Cochran and Andrea that she's going to drown herself in the ocean if she gets voted off first again. Cochran interviews that he almost doesn't want to vote Francesca out because he feels bad for her, and he laughs that we might not believe it, but he does have a sense of shame. I can't decide how I feel about Cochran this time around. He bugged me last time, but I'm willing to give him another chance. For now.

Tribal Council. Probst asks Brandon if anyone has taken a leadership role yet and Brandon says that they're all chiefs, and no one wants to "get done like they were done the last time." Probst points out that someone will go home.

Probst asks Francesca about her rivalry with Phillip from last time, and she says that at least Phillip learned how to pronounce her name and Phillip proves that he can. Then he says that he could always pronounce it, but he was mad at her so rather than use "an explicative," he decided to mispronounce her name. You guys, I don't even need to say that Phillip's crazy, right? You can just assume that I'm thinking he's a nutjob so I can save myself the typing? Probst wants to know how Phillip felt about seeing Francesca, and Phillip says he was worried that, once again, Francesca might be too strategic. Probst points out that Francesca doesn't have a lot of experience being on the show, and Francesca says that no one probably feels secure because everyone is so smart and paranoid. Phillip admits that he's heard his name tossed around, and everyone agrees that they're all paranoid.

Probst wants to know what Andrea thinks the perception is of her, and Andrea says that she hopes the others know that she's an asset in challenges and she works hard around camp, but she also knows that last time around, she got comfortable and that was a mistake she won't repeat.

By Kim

Francesca is overthinking her strategy already, because now she's worried about someone having an Idol and wonders if they should split their votes and throw some to Corinne. She tells this to Dawn, Brandon, and Erik as they prepare to go to Tribal. Dawn and Francesca try to run the numbers and I can't even figure out anymore who might be voting where in Francesca's fantasy scenario. Andrea walks up and Francesca explains her scenario of Phillip having an Idol. She is losing it.

By Kim

Probst tells Cochran that the game is so much faster with returnees, and sometimes plans even change at Tribal. Cochran talks about how Boston Rob used to put his hand on the shoulder of the person he wanted voted out. He did? Now I want to rewatch that season. Cochran adds that they didn't have to waste time on logistics because they've all done it before, so they hit the ground running with gameplay and it's exciting. Malcolm jokingly reaches out and grabs Cochran's shoulder. Malcolm found that a lot funnier than Cochran did, but that may have been sunburn related.

Probst announces that it's time to vote and I'm so confused by all the conversations at this point that I have NO idea who's going home. Francesca votes for Andrea, and Andrea votes for Francesca; neither of those are surprises. Probst tallies the votes and no one plays an Idol. Andrea gets the first four votes and Francesca gets the five. The final vote is for Francesca so she's going home first AGAIN. Ouch. Andrea is greatly relieved. I still have no idea who voted for whom, so I watch the credits. Turns out Brandon, Brenda, Erik, and Francesca voted for Andrea, and everyone else voted for Francesca. So Brandon, Brenda, and Erik have some scrambling to do.