Andrea heads to Redemption Island, where Ralph gleefully treats her as poorly as her tribe treated his during the game. She has to sleep on the ground and gets in a fight with Matt, who is not very understanding of why she turned on him, but she still manages to finish in the top three of the Redemption Island quadruel, as Ralph's inability to spell proves to be his undoing. Back in the real game, Rob has decided that Ashley will be the to go and works on the rest of the tribe to make them agree. They do, so of course Ashley wins the immunity challenge and ruins everything. She also gets to pick one person to enjoy a food reward and gives it to Natalie, thus bringing them even closer together and further upsetting Rob, whose god complex reaches new heights every episode. Since Ashley can't be voted for, Rob has to choose between Grant, who is his closest ally but a challenge threat, and Natalie, who he was determined to bring to the Final Three but has a worrisome bond with the enemy, Ashley. In the end, he and the rest of the tribe send Grant to Redemption Island, leaving Natalie with her best friend Ashley, who finally decided to start playing this game.
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The Final Five return to camp, pleased at how well Tribal Council went. Ashley interviews that she really enjoyed Andrea's boot and how surprised Andrea was by it. Because Ashley is kind of evil. But at least she knows it and seems to revel in it. She announces to the others that she and Natalie are "the last girls standing," which isn't that much of an accomplishment when you're saying it to the last three guys standing. Any excuse to squeal and hug, I guess. Ashley continues her interview, saying that she's happy Andrea is gone because it was tough having someone around who is pretty than she is. Sorry, that's not what she said. But I have a feeling that's what she truly feels, deep down inside. Instead, she says that she and Natalie are really close and Andrea was "always on the outs." Ashley is coming off as such a bitchy little high school girl here. I'm going to have a lot of trouble rooting for her when she turns into the hero of the episode later on (spoiler alert!). She mutters to Natalie that they have to look out for each other, and Natalie interviews that she's in a "bad situation" because Ashley thinks they're allies but Natalie believes her true and best alliance is with Rob.
When Ashley goes to bed, Natalie talks to Rob, who naturally wants to know what Ashley is saying to her. Natalie tells him the truth, and Rob says it's in their best interest that Natalie keeps stringing Ashley along and making her think she's her best friend so she won't suspect anything. He says he doesn't trust Ashley and never has, although apparently he did trust her enough to align with her against all the other people he didn't trust. He interviews that he thinks Ashley will be the first person to try to turn on him, and he's worked too hard and for too long to let her deny him his million dollar prize. "I just need to keep control," Rob says. Please don't. Rob's control is so boring.
Andrea arrives on Redemption Island. She isn't greeted nearly as warmly as past arrivals have been. Matt does say hello to her, then interviews that she hurt his feelings in the game by voting him out after agreeing to align with him. In Matt's strange view of how this game went, Andrea voted him out because she was "too scared to make a move" with him, when the reality of what happened (that we saw, at least) was that Andrea would have been fine aligning with Matt and making a move, but he turned around and decided he didn't want to and then told Rob that he was going to and Andrea was going to with him. Andrea complains to the guys who clearly don't care about what it was like to be voted out and how she is bitter about it. Matt can't help but say that he knows how it feels to be stabbed in the back. Andrea says she knows he thinks she betrayed him and she's noticed the "dirty looks" he's given her in the Arena. Matt says he didn't give her dirty looks so much as she kept giving him "big puppy dog eyes." So they fight about who is giving who what look while Mike tries to sleep and Ralph grins stupidly. Matt says that he's the one who tried to get Andrea to make a move with Zapato. Andrea says if that was what he really wanted to do then he should have been firm about it, instead of coming in "indecisive" and "wishy-washy" and then throwing her under the bus with Rob. She's absolutely right. Matt says he's sorry he ruined her game, and I can't tell if he's serious or sarcastic. Andrea seems to think he's serious, and says it's okay and it's not like she made it any further in the game than Matt did in the end. Matt decides he wants to sleep now. Unfortunately for Andrea, there's only enough room in the shelter for three because Ralph wants to make her sleep on the ground. He explains in an interview that her tribe treated his like crap after the merge and made them sleep in the crappy tarp-less shelter, so this is what she deserves. Not only that, but she gets to listen to Ralph's life lessons: "it's a game. Rob was using you like toilet paper. He wiped his ass, now he's done with you." I want to feel sorry for Andrea, but she's the one who didn't do anything for basically this entire game and therefore helped make it so freaking boring. So I don't.
Quadruel time! Probst greets Andrea and asks her how it feels to look at her former allies who just blind-sided her. Andrea gets all upset, tearfully saying that she thought she could trust these people because she looked into their eyes and they all lied to her. Okay but ... what did she expect? She does know that people have to be voted out of this game, right? She was paying attention when everyone looked into Matt's eyes (twice!) and lied to him, right? I mean, she herself looked Matt in the eye and lied to him. Probst lets Andrea whine for a while before he's had enough of her feelings and explains the quadruel. Each contestant will have to maneuver a handle through a table maze. At the end, he'll release the handle and use it to smash a tile, then grab a bag of puzzle pieces from under the tile and complete a puzzle with the words "one step closer to redemption" on it. The last person to do it will be out of the game.
Probst says go, and the four work on their mazes. Andrea is fast out of the gate, determined to win this and show her former tribe that they made a mistake. But then her frantic and desperate movements cause her handle to become stuck and the others pass her. Probst has some helpful commentary: "you do not want to last this long in this game and go home on Day 33 cause you're in a bad mood." Is he talking about himself there? Because he's the only person on this show who is ever obviously in a bad mood. And I wish he would go home. Ralph is the first to complete the maze and get his pieces, but he has a hard time with the puzzle because it contains all these strange squiggly lines and symbols he's never seen before and has no idea how to put together. I mean, really, it's downright cruel of the challenge producers to expect Ralph to put together a puzzle with words on it.
Meanwhile, the other three are still working on their maze. Andrea is having a lot of trouble for some reason. Mike and then Matt get their pieces, and finally Andrea finally does, too. Despite his head start, Ralph has made no progress on his puzzle. Probst again provides some wise words: "you just don't want to lose this challenge." Mike solves his puzzle first after a scary moment where he can't find the final piece, and then the other three can basically all look at his completed puzzle for the answer because someone forgot to put walls up in between the contestants. This also puts Andrea at a distinct disadvantage simply because she's further away from Mike's finished puzzle than anyone else. Probst reminds the remaining three what's at stake: "a million dollars. You lose the challenge, your shot at the money is over. You become a member of the jury. That blows!" Yeah, except for the part where you get to come back on the show like three more times until you finally win it because you get put on cast with boring morons. Suddenly, Matt and Andrea solve their puzzles, almost at the same time. Ralph wasn't even close. And he even had Mike's finished puzzle to use as a guide! I guess it's important to know how to spell after all. Sorry, Ralffe! But you kind of deserve this. Probst tells a clearly emotional Ralph (his lip is quivering. Or maybe it's just struggling to hold up the weight of that beard) that it's time for him to go. He tosses his buff in the fire and leaves. We get no final words from Ralph. Instead, Rob tells us all how much heart he has and that he doesn't like the Redemption Island twist in this game and wants it to be over. Oh, shut up, Rob. That twist was put there as a safety net for YOU. And if you think that twist sucks, just think of how much it would suck for this to be your first time playing this game and to be stuck on a tribe with someone who is playing it for his fourth time and has existing relationships with the crew and the executive producer/host is clearly in love with him.
Day 34. The rice rations are getting smaller and smaller. Rob blames Zapato for eating "too much" of their rice. Yeah, well, maybe if you had let them eat with you guys, they all would have rationed it out with you and not gone to town finishing off the half of the rice rations you gave them before you could vote them all out. Also, maybe time you don't store your rice in a pot full of mold and maggots. Rob wants to eat some of the rice, but Ashley thinks they'll run out before the game ends if they eat now. Rob tells Grant that he doesn't trust Ashley, and Grant, of course, agrees. He thinks they should get rid of her , pointing out that it will secure Natalie's allegiance with them. Well, yeah. Because she won't have anyone else to ally with. "She'll be too scared," Rob agrees. Oh, please. She wouldn't ally with Phillip anyway because she's already too scared of him. Also, he's annoying as hell. Witness him lying in the shelter with Natalie and Ashley lecturing them on how Grant should really have something to eat because he's their best chance to win immunity over whoever returns from Redemption Island. "Oh, I'll give up my portion of rice, then," Ashley says sarcastically. Phillip says he isn't saying she should give up her food -- just that she uses less energy and consumes fewer calories than one of the guys. Natalie actually steps up and tells Phillip not to get in their faces and speak to them in "that tone of voice." Phillip says he's done talking to them, and leaves the shelter. Ashley and Natalie complain about how Phillip thinks they shouldn't have any food because they're women. Phillip, now only wearing his pink panties, comes back and starts screaming at them for lying about him and what he said. He didn't say they shouldn't eat; he just said they need fewer calories. Which is true! Women need fewer calories than men. But then he ruins it by claiming that women only need 1,700 to the 3,600 men need. Uh, no. 3,600 calories a day if you aren't an athlete is a lot. That is like Biggest Loser territory. If you went to McDonalds and ate a Big Mac with a medium Coke and medium fries for all three meals, you still wouldn't eat 3,600 calories. Ashley and Natalie react to Phillip's science the usual way: laughing at him condescendingly. "I don't give a ... what you are!" Phillip says three times, helpfully bleeping himself so the editors won't have to.
But the fight still isn't over. Phillip says that Ashley and Natalie only argue about this stuff with him and never with Grant and Rob. Ashley says that's because Grant and Rob are normal. "Yeah, they are normal. You want something from 'em," Phillip says; "since Day One you snuggled up real nicely with them." Ooooooh! Phillip speaking the truth! Ruining everyone's game with his facts! Everyone else has to keep such things quiet and use their discretion and tact, but not Phillip! His entire game is saying whatever the hell he wants to, and has been from the start. "Get out of our faces!" Natalie requests. Why does she do that? Does she think he's going to obey her orders? Of course, Phillip says he isn't going to get out of anyone's face. In fact, he's going to jump back into the shelter and sit right to them and -- oh, wait. His jumping in the shelter bounced Natalie out of it, which was hilarious. "Phillip, come on, dude," Grant whines. Ashley and Natalie walk away, with Ashley shouting back at Phillip that he's a psycho. Racist! Rob interviews that Phillip really is crazy. But "not the N-word crazy." And his fighting with the girls is bad for Rob, because he wants to break Natalie and Ashley up and Phillip is just bringing them closer together.
Rob tries to do damage control with Natalie, meeting her in the woods later and asking if she's okay, all concerned. Yeah, he was so worried about her emotional wellbeing when he just stood there and watched Phillip yell at her and Ashley. He says that if Ashley talks to her about anything other than voting Phillip out then Natalie needs to tell him right away. Natalie doesn't think that will be a problem, since right now Ashley is determined to vote Phillip out . She says Ashley is also worried that she could be a target, and Rob says that's not unfounded. "Grant is very skeptical about Ashley's actions and Grant wants to get Ashley out," Rob says. Natalie makes a truly ugly face at this. Rob says that he knows Natalie and Ashley have been friends for this whole game so far, but Natalie will have to trust that Rob is going to take Natalie to the end with him. Because he promises her he will. And Natalie believes him, even though Rob has promised lots of people lots of things he's never delivered and she just saw Andrea cry about how people looked her in the eye and lied to her face. Rob and Natalie hug.
Ashley, meanwhile, says that she and Natalie are close allies, but Natalie trusts and relies on Rob much more than Ashley does, because Ashley realizes that Rob is playing a game and he wants to win it. And she thinks he would get rid of one of the girls before Grant to do that. So she thinks her best bet is to start actually playing this game and trying to make a "big move." That night, she and Natalie talk to Rob about how it might be a good idea to vote Grant out soon so he'll go to Redemption and hopefully be the one person to come back in the game instead of someone like Mike who will steal all the jury votes. Rob asks if Ashley would rather vote Grant out than Phillip, and Ashley says of course not, but voting Grant out now before Phillip might be the smartest move for the three of them. Rob says he'll consider it, then interviews that Ashley came to him with a "genius plan." I think he's being sarcastic, though, because he then says that it doesn't make sense to vote Grant out unless Ashley is trying to throw Grant under the bus to keep herself in the game that much longer. Of course, Rob runs off and tells Grant all about Ashley's plan. Grant says Ashley is a snake and cannot be trusted, like he wasn't plotting against her for the exact same reason: to put himself higher up on the totem pole. Grant and Rob say they have to win every immunity challenge from now on because it is crucial that Ashley can be voted out. "Ashley's a dark individual," Grant interviews, so quickly and easily on board Rob's Evil Ashley train. He says if she doesn't win immunity then she's going home , and he'll be happy to vote her out.
Day 35. The women hang out in the shelter and giggle while the men fetch the treemail and bump fists so that Phillip will feel special and included. Grant interviews that "Stealth R Us" (yes, he's actually using that name now) will probably stay together and be the Final Three, which he wouldn't have believed possible back on Day 19. I still don't think it's possible on Day 35, but we'll see. Grant gets the treemail as Rob interviews that after Ashley told him she wanted Grant out , he's decided that her 35-day-long "free ride" is going to end. The men return to camp with the treemail and Rob reads something about being sick and picking bones. Sounds gross to me. The men walk away, and Ashley mutters to Natalie that she thinks she has to win today's challenge or else she'll be voted out . Natalie says no way, and Ashley lies back down to sleep. Ashley interviews that Rob seemed to go along with her and Natalie's plan (yes, she thinks that Natalie had something to do with her plan) to vote Grant out , but if he wins immunity today, Ashley thinks she'll be voted out instead. She does have full faith and confidence in Natalie, and thinks that if she hears anything about Ashley being voted out, she'll be sure to tell her.
Natalie manages to tear herself away from Ashley and talk to Rob, who is swinging on a cool rope swing-chair-hammock thing I've never seen before in the camp. She says it's going to be hard for her to be a part of any plotting against Ashley, since Ashley is always near her. Rob says if he'll just tell Natalie what's going on right before Tribal Council if she can't get away from Ashley after the challenge, and that no matter what happens, he has her back. Rob then masterfully makes Ashley look like the bad person here, saying that he knows it will be hard for Natalie to vote Ashley out, but he thinks it has to happen now because he just can't stand to see what Ashley is doing to Natalie. What, being her friend? Trusting her way too much? Please. He doesn't get a chance to say much more, though, as Ashley walks up and he quickly changes the subject to peanut butter recipes. Rob interviews that Natalie is stupid, but she's "sweet" and "pure" and Evil Ashley is trying to "corrupt" her. He says that Natalie and Ashley's bond was never about strategy until recently. Therefore, he's really looking forward to getting rid of Ashley, who he says is a pain in his ass.
The Final Five arrive at the immunity challenge. Probst describes it: each contestant will piece together a series "fishing hooks" (a.k.a. giant S-shaped metal hooks) and use them to pick up three bags full of puzzle pieces they must assemble to create a giant fish skeleton. And they'll have one hand tied behind their backs. Not only does the winner get immunity, but he also gets a reward of a three course meal delivered to camp so he can eat it in front of everyone else. With that, we begin. Grant gets an early lead with the first bag, but the rest of the contestants are pretty close behind. They get their first bags on the skeleton mat and find a way to untie the knot with just one hand before placing their puzzle pieces, which are basically ribs, on the skeleton. There doesn't appear to be any set order for where to place the ribs; it looks like any piece will fit into any slot as long as it's placed correctly and it doesn't touch any of the other rib pieces once it's in.
Grant gets his first section completed first and runs to the second bag station, where he must connect four S-hooks to each other and use them to lift his bag and carry it back to the mat. Somehow, Phillip is in the second place and then takes the lead when he gets his hooks together and the bag attached to them before anyone else. He's so excited about it, though, that he manages to drop the bag and all his hooks come apart before he can get back to the mat. Even so, he's able to put it all back together and bring his second bag to the mat first, with Rob just behind him. Suddenly, Ashley finishes her first section and puts her hooks together and gets her second bag on the mat only a little bit behind Phillip and Rob. Grant has fallen behind significantly, and Natalie can't figure out the puzzle. "Natalie still inexplicably working on her first section!" Probst says cruelly. He then cheers for Rob and says he's making "quick work" of his second section. Working even quicker, though, is Ashley. She finishes first, but Grant is right behind her, having somehow caught up and passed Rob and Phillip. Phillip and finally Rob finish their second sections, while Probst makes sure to point out again that Natalie sucks at life and is still on the first section.
Ashley puts the last five hooks together and makes her way back to the mat with her last bag. Probst gives her faint praise before turning back to Natalie and telling her she has no chance to win at this point, so she might as well "sit back and watch." Oh, fuck you, Probst. I don't like Natalie that much either, but you're just being unnecessarily mean. Phillip and then Rob make it back to the mat with their last bags, but Ashley has a good lead on them. Rob tries to catch up to her, but she manages to get all of her rib pieces in. But she does not win. "Two pieces are touching!" Prost cries, refusing to declare her the winner. Rob keeps working. Ashley fixes her pieces so that none of them are touching, and Probst is forced to declare her the winner over his precious Rob. HA! Also: hooray! Something unexpected totally just happened! For like the first time this season since Ralph found the idol instead of Li'l Russell! The rest of the tribe is clearly furious over her victory, so if she didn't think she was in danger before, she must believe it now. Indeed, she says this is "such a huge relief." Not only that, Probst says, handing her a "room service" menu, but she also gets to enjoy a big meal and pick one other person to share in the reward with her. Of course, she picks Natalie. You know Phillip is so pissed off right now, what with men needing those extra calories and all.
The tribe returns to camp. Ashley has a huge smile on her face. Rob does not. He interviews that the one thing he didn't want to happen just happened. "All of the sudden, Ashley's a freaking genius," Rob says, apparently believing that you need to be a genius to fit rib pieces in a giant fish skeleton. Might I remind you that Phillip came in third. And he's no genius. I think. Rob says this was obviously Ashley's evil plan all along and that he is now forced to vote Grant out even though he considers Grant a friend at this point. He tells Ashley and Natalie the plan, and they readily agree. He says this will make him "the bad guy," and heads out to tell Phillip the plan. He interviews that no matter what happens or how he plays this game, he ends up doing the "dirty work" because "everybody else is too stupid to do it." Sure. Or they're too smart to do it. Grant isn't going to be mad at Ashley when he's voted out, is he? No, he'll be mad at Rob, the self-proclaimed smartest guy on the island, who will get all the blame and none of the jury votes. Rob tells Phillip that they're voting for Grant, then asks Grant if they should vote for Phillip or Natalie tonight. Rob complains to us that this is "a lot of work. It's exhausting." Meanwhile, all the other "idiots" don't have to deal with any of this, do they? I'm just saying. Riding Rob's coattails may be boring as hell for us to watch, but it's not such a bad strategy. Hell, it won Amber a million dollars.
And so, Rob goes through the motions of plotting with Grant who to vote out tonight between Phillip and Natalie. Grant decides that Natalie is better person to vote out than Phillip, since Natalie has that alliance with Ashley and Phillip isn't friends with anyone. Rob agrees and they shake on it. "Blindside!" Grant smiles, while Rob looks kind of sick. Grant interviews that it's actually okay that Ashley won immunity today, since Natalie is going home tonight instead. He doesn't think Rob is lying to him, he says, since he looked him in the eye and shook his hand on it and got the vibe that Rob was being truthful and would never betray him. Grant says he can't wait for Tribal, where he's sure his name will appear twice, followed by three votes for a surprised Natalie.
Two "little waiters," as Ashley describes them, suddenly appear with Ashley and Natalie's food. Ashley and Natalie head off to eat their meals. Ashley appears to be enjoying some nasty Survivor pizza and nachos, while Natalie has some kind of pasta dish and desserts. They divide everything up amongst each other and enjoy the hell out of it. For a while. Soon enough, they feel pretty sick. But Natalie is still grateful to Ashley for picking her to share in the reward. Meanwhile, Rob and Grant, so jealous, mutter that they hope the girls get sick from the food and/or choke on it. Rob interviews that he's starting to worry that Natalie and Ashley might be getting "too close for comfort," much like he did with Amber and he decided that Andrea was with Matt. "A couple is very powerful in this game. Even if it's two girls," he says. And he isn't wrong, as Ashley whispers to Natalie that it might be in their best interests to team up with whoever comes back from Redemption Island against Rob and Phillip. Natalie has nothing to say about this, because she has nothing to do with strategy on this show. Instead, she interviews that she was hoping Ashley wouldn't pick her for the reward because now she's stuck between her loyalty to Rob and her bond with Ashley.
Rob talks to Natalie when Ashley isn't around and asks her how Ashley's feeling. Natalie says she's "really confident" and counting on Natalie to stick with her. But, she says, her loyalty is to Rob no matter what. Not enough, it seems, for her to mention that Ashley wants to ally with the Redemption Island returnee against him. Interesting! Rob says that Ashley can't be trusted based on quickly she turned on Grant. "It'll be me ," Rob says, somehow believing that anyone left in this game has the ability to plot against him or plot at all. Natalie says working against Ashley like this "sucks," and Rob interviews that he's worried about the girls' bond and aware that they may well team up with the Redemption Island returnee against him and Phillip. Thus, he says, it might be a good idea to break them up now. Or, of course, he could stick with the plan to vote Grant out. No matter what happens, he says, he knows that he's safe tonight even though he didn't win immunity. Meanwhile, Ashley smells Natalie's armpits and reports that they don't smell "that bad." Thanks for that, editors. "One man should not have this much power in this game. Luckily, I'm not an ordinary man," Rob says. No, you aren't. You're a guy who has played this four times surrounded by a bunch of idiots who never played before.
The Five arrive at Tribal. Probst asks Ashley how it feels to have immunity tonight, and she says it feels great, since she had a feeling that this was the challenge she needed to win. While she smiles and giggles about it, Rob and Grant shake their heads disgustedly. Probst then asks Grant if he, too, needed a win today. He says he probably did, since he is a challenge threat. Probst sadly tells Rob that he is also vulnerable tonight. Rob pretends to look worried and says that he is, and his only chance to stay in the game tonight is that the others will see Grant as a bigger challenge threat than he is.
Probst asks Ashley how things went down at camp after she chose Natalie to share in her reward. Ashley says that she and Natalie are very, very close, so she didn't think it would surprise anyone that she picked her for the reward. Probst interrupts her to say that when she says she's really close to Natalie, he's sure "bombs are exploding" in the rest of the contestants' ears. Really? Rob's, maybe. Actually, Phillip might have bombs exploding in his head, too, but those are part of his delusions about being a Secret Agent sent on Secret Missions to save the world from evildoers. Probst asks Phillip if it means anything significant that Ashley picked Natalie for the reward, and Phillip says he wasn't expecting her to pick him or anyone else, really. And it was probably a strategic move on Ashley's part. Probst asks if the women who eat together also vote together. Natalie says she's sure that the other guys are thinking about that, and may well vote her out tonight just to split up a close alliance.
Probst asks Grant if he's worried that there is apparently a two-woman voting bloc and he isn't in it. Grant says he is, but he also has to keep the faith in his allies and hope they come through for him. When a million dollars is on the line. Sure. Moron. Probst asks Rob if Redemption Island is a factor in who he's voting out tonight. Rob says no, because it's pointless to speculate about Redemption Island since no one knows what it even is or when it will end. He, for example, thought it ended at the merge. And it didn't. Probst then asks Rob what is getting him through this game after 35 days. Rob stands up and turns around, and for a second I thought he was going to moon Probst, which would have earned him my jury vote right there if I had one. But no, he just points to the picture of Amber and his daughter on his back. He says he loves them both and that Amber "made tremendous sacrifices" so he could be on the show again. Like what? It's not like either of them is holding down a steady job. Rob says he's "so close" to winning, but with so much up in the air still with just a few days left in the game, it feels very far away. Probst asks Grant what gets him through this game, like anyone of us care about anyone's family except for Rob's. What's this? Grant has a fiancée? Was she on a reality show? No? Then fuck her! Grant starts crying as he talks about her, and Ashley pats him on the back. Probst has had enough of this, so he talks to Rob again, asking him how "big" tonight's vote is. Shockingly, Rob says it's the biggest vote of the game so far. Because every vote is the biggest one so far.
They vote. Grant votes for Natalie. Ashley votes for Grant, having kinder words for him that he ever had for her. Probst returns with the urn. He asks if anyone would like to play his idol. Rob does not. Probst reads the votes. Natalie gets one, and then Grant gets three. He doesn't seem that surprised. He stands in front of Probst to get his torch snuffed, and you can really see how big Grant is standing in front of him. Probst sends Grant to Redemption Island, and on his way out, Grant promises he'll see them "shortly." Yes, he will. And so will I, as the episode (and last!) is in just a few days.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.