With no family reward challenge this season, but Probst insisting that family members visit the contestants, we get a special family reward Redemption Island quadruel. The loser leaves the game. The winner gets to spend time with his family member. The other two get to stand around awkwardly. Of course, Steve loses the challenge (possibly intentionally -- he wasn't even trying and he looks really hungry) while Mike wins the prize, only for Probst to cruelly force him to choose between hanging out with his mother or letting Ralph and Matt see their farm friend and brother, respectively, or letting the Onomatopoeia audience members spend time with their family members. Mike has been spending too much time with Matt, so he goes both stupid and Biblical and chooses to let the smug cocky assholes who voted him and his tribe out hang out with their family members. Rob's sister comes out instead of his wife (I'm guessing because she was too pregnant at the time?) and he bores her with strategy talk while all the other contestants actually enjoy seeing their family members. After a brutal immunity challenge that Rob nearly kills himself to win, it seems pretty clear to everyone except Andrea that she will be the person sent to Redemption Island, as her tribe has been talking about it for weeks now. Then Phillip, in his effort to irritate his tribemates into taking him to the Final Three, goes a little too far and possibly turns everyone against him. Except for the part where he doesn't, just like every other episode where the editors have tried to trick us into thinking Phillip was going home, and the only vote he ultimately receives is from Andrea. The rest of the votes go to Andrea, who belatedly remembers that this is a game and blindsides happen.
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Ralph arrives on Redemption Island. Matt and Mike are not surprised to see him, and Ralph fills them in on Phillip and Steve's rice fight, as if Julie wouldn't have already told them about that. The three then discuss Steve and how pitiful he's become over the last thirty days, only for Steve to suddenly show up. Don't you hate it when you're talking about someone and he's right behind you the whole time? How embarrassing! Anyway, the other three are surprised to see a fourth person on their island, and Mike interviews that Redemption Island is getting "crazier and crazier." I think he's confusing the word "crazy" with "crowded." Steve interviews that he's kind of happy to be on Redemption Island, as he was dreading returning to camp with only the rest of the Onomatopoeias for company. While Matt bitterly wonders what his former tribe is going to do now that they'll have to vote one of themselves out , Mike mentions that the majority of the jury will be former members of Zapato. Ralph then figures out that the odds of winning the million are pretty damn good if he can get back in the game and make it to the Final Three.
We're meant to believe that Onomatopoeia are so loud in their post-Tribal victory celebrations that they woke up some jaguar stock footage. Andrea says she's kind of excited about the idea of actually playing this game again, since the last five Tribal Councils were easy votes. Natalie, on the other hand, bursts into tears. She blames it on hormones, then basically begs Rob not to see her tears as a weakness. Rob has these people so scared of him that they don't even want him to see their feelings. Rob interviews that Natalie is 19 and she's been in this game for 30 days now, which takes a toll on anyone. He has to make sure she's okay because he considers her to be his main ally. Also, he says, with only eight days left in the game, he just wants to keep his tribe content and docile, because if they start talking to each other and comparing notes, they'll realize that they need to vote Rob out ASAP.
The morning, Andrea and Ashley open treemail to find a Product Placement phone. They both know what this means: family visit time! They run back to show the phone to the rest of the tribe. There's an invitation to the Redemption Island Arena and then they're told to check the videos section for a "surprise." An actual surprise would be if there was just one video of Probst telling them that they weren't doing a family visit this season. Videos of their loved ones, on the other hand, are not a surprise, since this happens like every season. First up is Natalie's mother, who might want to consider taking some anti-depressants. She seems really tired and sad. Also, she's standing on her porch with a tree in front of her. She couldn't think of a better spot to do this? "Daddy's very proud of you," she says. Not proud enough, apparently, to actually show up on the video. Andrea's boring dad pops up , followed by Phillip's sister. I don't understand why Phillip even gets a visit from his sister when he's been hanging out with another family member, his great-great grandfather, for several weeks now. It seems kind of unfair to me. Then we see Rob's sister Heather, who says their parents are doing well. She doesn't mention Rob's actual wife or child, which is kind of weird. I was hoping we'd actually get to see Amber, but then I remembered that she was, like, nine months pregnant or something when this was filmed, so it makes sense that she wouldn't be able to fly to Nicaragua. Grant gets a video from his sister's husband. Wow, a brother-in-law? That's the best his family could do? And why is he wearing a little red scarf around his neck like that? Is he French? He doesn't say much except that Adrianne, who I'm guessing is Grant's sister, is "newly pregnant." Grant responds to the news by pumping his fist. Finally, we see Ashley's mother, who, like Natalie's mother, is standing to a bunch of plants. Videos over, the contestants wipe their tears and hug each other.
But they aren't the only ones with a Product Placement phone! Yes, they gave one to the 15 people on Redemption Island, too. And it also has videos of family members. Or, in Ralph's case, some guy. I guess it's a friend of his. He tells Ralph that his farm is doing well except that "a couple of the chickens got killed." Also, Ralph's friend is totally wearing a T-shirt with a picture of deer on it. Of course. Mike's mother stands in her stainless steel appliance-filled kitchen and says hello, and Mike interviews that this is the longest he's gone without speaking to someone in his family. Even when he was in Iraq he got to at least email them. Steve's brother almost starts crying in his video even though Steve has only been gone for 30 days and he's on Survivor, and not, like, beginning a 25-year jail sentence. I mean, I get it when the contestants get homesick and bawl about seeing family members because they are starving and tired and mentally and physically exhausted. But there's really no excuse for the people at home to sob over not seeing someone for just 30 days unless they're, like, children. And Steve's brother is a not a child. Lastly, we see Matt's brother. Like Matt, he is hot. Unlike Matt, he doesn't mention Jesus every third word. Matt interviews that he was so happy to see his brother that he falls off the camera frame. He says he'll do whatever he can in the Arena if a win means he gets to spend time with his brother. That's great, but he seems to be forgetting that there isn't a whole lot he can really do in that arena. I mean, it's shuffleboard. It's kind of hard to kick ass and take names at shuffleboard.
With that, the contestants arrive at the Arena. Once Probst is done touting the amazing features of their Product Placement phone, he says that the winner of the quadruel will indeed get to see his loved one. I'm sorry, but that sucks. Why should someone on Redemption Island get the opportunity to win a chance to see a loved one and not someone who is actually still in the game? I think you lose your chance to win rewards as soon as you've been voted out of this game. Also, the challenge they have to win to be able to see their loved one is really lame: they have to toss metal balls at four tiles. The first three contestants to break all of their tiles get to stay on Redemption Island. The loser leaves. And the first contestant to break his tiles gets to see his family member or farm friend. So this is pretty terrible, but I do have to say that I applaud the efforts of the challenge editor and producers in trying to make this look at all exciting in the little intro piece. The Redemption Island crowd is happy to have the chance to see a family member or farm friend, while the contestants who haven't been voted out yet look kind of bitter in the audience. Understandable.
The game begins. Mike is the only contestant to break a tile in the first round. Matt, Ralph, and Steve manage to get on the board on their second attempt, while Mike gets his second tile and keeps his lead. Matt and Ralph break another tile each in the third round, while Mike goes three for three. Steve misses, putting him in last place. In the fourth round, Mike breaks his last tile to win the game. Wow. He basically smoked that challenge. Or would have, if it wasn't so lame to begin with. Probst says that Mike just won some "in person, up close love from family." Probst always has a way of making a nice visit with one's mother sound so dirty. The rest of the contestants miss their tiles, and I don't think Steve is even trying to hit his. I think he wants to leave this game and go to the Loser's Lodge and eat so much food. Matt and Ralph break their third tiles in the round, while Steve's miss gets a silly "boing!" sound effect. Matt and Ralph manage to break their fourth tiles in the round, which no one is more happy about than Steve, probably. Probst sends Steve away. He says nothing more than "thanks, Jeff." No good-bye speech, no post-game interview footage, nothing.
Probst then calls Mike forward as his mother runs out. "How's she look?" Probst asks. Ew, Probst. What a weird question. "Amazing!" Mike says. She blows him kisses as Probst says that Mike now has a decision to make. Of course. He can give up time with his mother to "buy some goodwill" (does anyone actually believe that, by the way? No juror is going to give Mike the million over someone else because he or she got to spend time with Mom) with the jury should he be in the Final Three by letting Matt and Ralph see their loved ones instead. Said loved ones walk out. Yay! It's Matt's hot brother! And Ralph's farm friend. Probst then says that Mike can also choose to let the remaining contestants spend time with their loved ones, who then come out. Grant's brother-in-law is still wearing that little scarf. I hope Onomatopoeia enjoy seeing their family members from afar, since there's no way in hell Mike is picking them. Probst asks Mike for his choice, and Mike starts talking about how he was reading the Bible the other day and someone told Jesus that his favorite commandment was the one about loving your brother like you love yourself. From this, he has decided that the right thing to do is to "do the most good for the most people," and let the Onomatopoeia assholes who ruined his tribe and treated him and his allies like crap see their family members. Probst can't believe what he's hearing. He asks Mike's mom what she thinks about this, and she says that she expected this kind of thing from her son, who is a selfless hero. And a sucker. Probst sends the Redemption Islanders back to camp sans family members and farm friends. Onomatopoeia thanks Mike on his way out. "Don't vote me off again," he asks, and they all laugh because they know damn well that the second Mike comes back in the game and they have a chance to get rid of him, they absolutely will. They reunite with their family members in slow-motion and head back to camp.
But all is not well on Redemption Island. Ralph is pissed off at Mike. He says he would have been okay with Mike choosing to see his mother instead of giving the prize to Ralph and Matt, but giving it to Onomatopoeia instead was obviously a selfish ploy to get their votes in the end. Well, yeah. Of course it was. That's kind of what you're supposed to do in this game. What game does Ralph actually think he's playing? Matt and Ralph agree that they never would have done anything nice for Onomatopoeia, especially after the way they treated them. Mike says that he asked God to help him win, and he felt like God was asking him to give his prize up to six assholes in return. You know what? Just for this, I hope there actually is an afterlife just so that when Matt and Mike get there, God can laugh in their faces about how they thought he gave a crap about that stupid game show they were on when right now, all over the world, there are millions of people suffering from so much worse and asking God for so much less. And then I want him to also tell Mike that he was telling him to screw the other contestants and spend time with his mom, so he doesn't know why Mike thought he was telling him to let Phillip see his sister or whatever. In an interview, Mike interviews that he wasn't trying to score any points with anyone with his decision, but simply to do what he thought was the right thing. By the way, all of the drama and resentment Mike's decision stirred up is totally wasted on Redemption Island and just goes to show what a mistake it was to take the Reward Challenges away from the show. We could and should have been seeing this kind of bitterness between the contestants who actually have the ability to vote each other out. Remember, just last season, when contestants had to pick other contestants to share in the rewards they won and that made other people bitter and sometimes caused alliances to change? And then this show was a lot more interesting and unpredictable? Well, we're not going to get any of that now, since Ralph and Matt can't vote Mike out, so any hard feelings they have about his decision don't matter. Meanwhile, the people who can vote other people out are enjoying an equal reward and have no reason whatsoever to be bitter amongst themselves or with anyone on Redemption Island because of it. Nothing has changed except that I now think Mike is kind of an idiot or maybe just needs reading material other than Krista's hot pink Bible.
The actual contestants, meanwhile, enjoy a drama-free day with their family members. And by "drama-free," I of course mean "so boring." Ashley shows her mother around camp while Phillip's sister tells Phillip how proud she and the rest of the family are of him. Yeah, that's great and all, but why aren't we seeing an interview with Phillip's sister where she tells us whether or not he is a Former Federal Agent? and what kind of Agent? he was? They don't even have a clip of her in the Secret Scenes on the CBS site, even though we get to meet everyone else's loved one on there. Andrea's creepy dad just wants to know how she keeps her hair looking so nice without any hair care products. Weirdo. Grant's brother-in-law says Grant's sister is sorry she couldn't be there and sends her love. And Natalie's depressed mother says she asked God to look over Natalie while she was on the show, saying this was the "one time" when she needed him the most. Wow, way to totally waste Natalie's one-time special God attention, Natalie's mom. Natalie interviews that this is the longest she's gone without seeing her mother, so this visit really boosted her spirits and gave her the strength to continue. Yes, it must take a lot out of you to sit around on the beach with Ashley and wait for Rob to tell you what to do. I can understand the need to recharges one's batteries after so much of that.
Phillip, meanwhile, tells his sister that this is a "social game" and he's "prepared to go crazy if [he has] to" because "that's what works for [him]." Ah ha! When Phillip says things like that, I start to believe that he isn't totally insane after all and this is an act and Phillip is, in fact, fucking brilliant. And then he has to go and ruin it by putting his stupid feather headband on as Rob tells his sister that Phillip is "wacko" and "a nutjob" (RACIST!!) which makes him "the greatest goat ever" to take to the end. Rob's sister is just like "uh huh. Yeah. Right" while looking so bored. Rob says he's made agreements with everyone in this game, and if these people only talked to each other, they'd figure it out and vote him out. But he's pretty confident that they won't. He interviews emotionally that this is the best he's ever played this game, but it will mean nothing if he doesn't win at the end for his family. You know, unlike the rest of the contestants, who don't have families they want to win money for.
The day, treemail arrives announcing the immunity challenge. Rob looks determined and interviews that he's not worried about this challenge being "too difficult." He tells Natalie and Ashley that the only thing they have to do is make sure that Andrea doesn't win. He then shows off his new shirt, courtesy of his sister, which has a picture of Amber and his daughter on it. He cut out the picture part and stuck it on the back of his tank top for symbolic purposes.
The contestants arrive at the challenge, where they are confronted by a very large set of stairs. Natalie and Ashley take one look at it and decide not to bother with this one. You can just see it on their faces that they have no intention of trying to win this particular challenge. Probst explains that each contestant will have a lane with three sets of missing steps. They will have to replace those steps with large puzzle piece planks. But they can only take one plank up at a time, and only one plank will fit each opening. Pick the wrong plank, and you've wasted that much more time and energy. Even if every plank you pick is the correct one, you're still doomed to make a lot of trips up and down these stairs. Oh, and it's 110 degrees outside. Basically, this has to be one of the cruelest and physically demanding challenges we've ever seen on this show. Probst says go, and the contestants run to release their first set of pieces. People move quickly in the beginning, since there aren't many stairs to climb at first, and Andrea takes an early lead as the first person to complete the first section. Rob and Grant are right behind her. Phillip and Natalie aren't even trying, really. Rob loses time when he picks the wrong board, giving Andrea more of a lead.
But then, as Rob and Grant start to catch up, Andrea manages to pick the wrong plank and falls behind them. Grant and Rob finish the second set first. Andrea is still in it, though, and Grant makes another mistake as Rob and Andrea put their first planks of the third set in. Grant is wrong again, putting Rob and Andrea two steps ahead of him. Rob, meanwhile, is barely able to stand up. Climbing up and down the stairs in this heat is clearly taking its toll on him. "He is literally carrying his family on his back!" Probst cries. Shut up, Probst. It's just a picture of Rob's family on his back. It probably only weighs a few ounces. And maybe if Rob had kept himself hydrated before the challenge instead of spending his time attaching the picture to his clothes, he wouldn't be having such a hard time now. I mean, Andrea is only a few steps behind him and struggling too, but her body doesn't appear to be giving out like Rob's is.
Grant manages to come back and squeeze past Andrea, coming down for his second-to-last step as Rob makes his way back up with his. He puts it in, then starts back down for his final step. Grant and Andrea only have one step to go, too, but as long as Rob can physically get up the stairs, he will win. He might not be able to do that, though, as he is no longer able to stand upright. He gets the last step in and crawls up the final few steps to the top to win. There is no cheering or celebrations from anyone, though, as all the contestants are either half-dead (Rob, Grant, Andrea) or useless (Phillip, Ashley, Natalie). Rob moans a few times and collapses on the platform, complaining that his legs are "burning." Probst is concerned, for he loves Rob. Natalie, whose legs are just fine due to not being used a whole lot during this challenge, runs a canteen of water up to Rob while Probst asks if he needs medical to take a look at him. Rob says no, but he needs his teammates to help him stand up, as he cannot stand under his own power. You know Probst gets right in there, helping Rob to his feet. Rob says he's better, so Probst steps away, and then Rob wobbles and almost falls face-first down the entire staircase. He would almost deserve it if he had to leave the show due to injury after ruining the entire season like that. But then, suddenly, everyone manages to get back down to solid ground so Probst can give Rob his immunity necklace and touch his back and neck and shoulders some more.
As soon as the tribe returns to camp, it starts to rain. HA! That is such a fuck you rain after the 110 degree sun-filled challenge. Rob and the rest recover from the challenge, and he interviews that he really thought he might die after the challenge. But there are only seven more days left in the game, so he's willing to give his all. Even though he doesn't have to. It's not like anyone in his tribe is going to vote him out. They don't seem to have the desire or the ability to organize something like that. Rob continues that by winning immunity, not only does he know he's safe tonight, but there's also no one on his tribe that he can't vote for. "All my options are open," he says, as if anyone but Andrea is even close to leaving tonight. Sure enough, as Andrea stands away from the shelter and tosses her hair around, Rob quietly confirms with the others that they're voting for her. Natalie interviews the same, thereby contributing nothing. Andrea, meanwhile, thinks Phillip is being voted out tonight. Rob smiles that Andrea will never see her boot coming. "The lovers will be reunited," Grant says. And since Andrea has no idea this is coming, she won't be doing any scheming or strategizing to prevent it. What a pity. I was hoping things would pick up now that everyone on Zapato was gone, but apparently it's going to be just as obvious and predictable.
But wait!! What's this? Phillip has decided to tear down the other half of the shelter without asking anyone else if that's okay! And it's not okay with Rob, who was saving that section for whoever returns from Redemption Island. "I don't want them sleeping to me," he says. So, basically, whoever comes back from Redemption Island is going to sleep in the tarpless crappy shelter all by himself. How can you not root for these people when they do stuff like that? Phillip throws pieces of the crappy shelter into the fire, saying that the Redemption Island returnee can just rebuild the roof. That actually makes some sense to me, but Rob says that despite the fact that everyone is set on voting for Andrea, Phillip had to go and be Phillip and make things difficult. He starts lecturing Andrea on the proper way to behave around bees, saying she's moving too quickly and upsetting the bee flying around her head. Andrea says she's moving quickly because she doesn't want to be near the bee. Phillip then makes several quick movements in an attempt to kill the bee with a pillow. Grant mutters to Rob that Phillip is back to being Phillip again, and he doesn't like it.
Phillip, on the other hand, claims that his current behavior is part of his strategy. "Early on in the game I made myself the villain," he says; "so that everyone in my tribe feels that their best chance of winning against anybody is me." Once again, I have no idea what to think about this. Because yes, that would be a decent strategy and an easy way to win the $100,000 or however much is second place prize as long as you don't mind looking like an asshole on national television. But I don't know that that was Phillip's strategy from the beginning or even if it is now. Sure, he seems self-aware right now, but you know that in a few minutes, he's going to interview that he talked to his great-great-grandfather today or claim to be a Former Federal Agent? seemingly in complete seriousness. How can he be so self-aware about some things and so insane about other ones? I am truly baffled. Phillip says it's important that he periodically remind everyone what an asshole he is as part of his plan. He walks up to his tribe and yells at them for somehow managing to tangle up Zapato's fishing nets, rendering them useless. "You mangled my nets? I'm worried about your roof? The hell you say?" he says, then wanders off. Phillip continues in his interview that he's sure that Rob is counting on taking him to the end and easily beating him, but that, unbeknownst to Rob, Phillip has an "oral argument" that he believes no one else has thought of and will win the jury over.
Grant and Rob talk privately. Grant confirms that they're voting for Andrea tonight, but Rob says he's starting to wonder if it isn't a better idea to vote Phillip out instead. He says he's never trusted Phillip, and interviews that, indeed, he's no longer sure that Phillip is his best bet to take to the end. On the plus side, Phillip sucks at challenges and everyone hates him. On the minus side, though, Rob wonders if Phillip is playing him, claiming that he's "pretty good with words" and "a good speaker." Good with words? This is the guy who can't pronounce anyone's name correctly. He said "frutile" last week. I mean, come on. Rob continues that Andrea is a "competitor" who could also beat him in front of a jury. And no one else is really going to weigh in on this or even pretend that they have any say in who is voted out tonight, so that's that.
The six contestants arrive at Tribal and the three-member jury is brought in. Probst begins by stating the obvious: it is now finally time for Onomatopoeia to vote one of its own members out. He asks Andrea if she's worried that it will be her leaving tonight, and she says that she is not, as she's confident in the relationships she has with her tribemates and her trust in them. Oops. Probst asks Natalie if Tribal Council feels different tonight. She says it does -- this time, it's "nerve-wracking" and "scary" and "not fun." Since when was Tribal Council fun? Shouldn't all Tribals be scary and nerve-wracking? These people are way too complacent. Probst then turns to Phillip, hoping for some excitement. He says Phillip once said that he knew he was the sixth man in his alliance and he was fine with it. Probst asks if Phillip still feels that way now that there are only six people left, and if perhaps that was why he didn't even pretend to try in the challenge today, to seem like a more appealing choice to take further in the game because of his challenge weakness. Phillip goes on the defense, saying it was really hot today and he's old, so he wasn't going to do well in this kind of challenge. But he's sure that the right kind of challenge will show off his strength and talents soon, just like how he rocked "the Army" when he enlisted at the age of 29 and was stronger than everyone else. Probst interrupts Phillip to say that he was trying to say that people might want to keep him around because he's so weak, so it would behoove him not to talk about what a physical threat he is. And then Probst turns to Andrea and starts talking to her before Phillip can respond to that, so I guess we aren't going to hear from the contestants tonight so much as watch Probst talk at them and us.
He turns back to Andrea and asks her if her good showing in the challenge today might work against her now. Andrea says it could, but her tribe also needs to think about keeping the strongest people in to make sure that they can beat whoever returns from Redemption Island. That's a good point, and possibly why Grant is still in this game. Probst asks him if he is playing a "psychological game" with his former allies to convince them why they shouldn't vote him out. What kind of question is that? Of course that's what Grant is doing. That's what everyone is doing. That's what this game is ALL ABOUT. Grant says that he is, but he also knows that he is who he is, just like he knows who his tribemates are and who is truthful and who is "putting on a front." Meanwhile, Rob has been putting on a front with Grant this entire time that Grant doesn't seem to be aware of.
Everyone except Phillip is horrible and boring, so Probst has to go back to him and ask if he, based on his background in fake counter-intelligence, thinks that someone who is truthful and real can make it to the end of this game. Phillip says yes, putting himself forward as an example and saying that he's been truthful this entire game and hasn't broken any promises. He then says he's the "senior statesman" of his tribe and that he "leads by example" while everyone else tries to hold back laughter. "I'm a guy that you want to have around," he says. And I think he's being totally serious when he says this, but then he also just said in that interview that he's deliberately being a dick and unpleasant to everyone in order to make it to the end. Which is it, Phillip??? I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. Probst asks for a show of hands on who is nervous about tonight's vote. No one raises his hand. Everyone thinks he's safe tonight. Obviously, one person is going to be surprised. And it doesn't seem to have occurred to anybody (except Rob, who has immunity and therefore doesn't have to worry about that tonight) that while you're sitting there assuming that someone else is about to be blindsided, you may very well be the person about to be blindsided. Rob tells Probst that he's happy he's immune tonight, and that if he wasn't, he would be nervous.
Probst can't help but try one last time to draw some crazy out of Phillip, asking him to leave them with a nugget of wisdom from his great-great-grandfather before the vote. Phillip says his great-great-grandfather would tell him to "hold the faith." You know what's boring? Faith-holding. They vote. Probst returns with the urn. There's one vote for Andrea and one for Phillip. Andrea gets a second vote and suddenly realizes that she should have tried a little harder to play this game. "Oh, my god," she mutters. "She got blindsided," David smirks from the jury seats. The rest of the votes are, of course, for Andrea. She keeps a smile on her face. "Tricky, tricky," is all she says to her tribe before her torch is snuffed and she's off to Redemption Island. In her post-boot interview, she says she's "a little bitter" because everyone in her tribe except Phillip lied to her and voted her out. Interesting. I guess Phillip could get a few votes in the end after all depending on how bitter the jury is this season. Andrea says it's tough to play this game with these people for so long and think you can trust them and have relationships with them and then find out they've been lying to you the entire time. Yes, I imagine that would be tough, but I don't know what else she expected to happen.