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While Phillip and Kristina head to Redemption Island, Rob makes good use of the fewer people around camp to organize a game with the remaining tribemates on the beach, then claim he has to take a huge dump and sneaks off to look for the idol -- which, of course, he finds. Good thing, too, since he's probably going to need it as soon as his tribe loses yet another challenge to Zapato, who are doing just fine without Li'l Russell. Except for Krista and Stephanie, who are bitter and lame. Ralph proves to be just as stupid as most of us suspected, as he can't keep his idol secret any longer and reveals it to his entire alliance and would have shown it to Phillip and Kristina at the Redemption Island Arena, too, if Sarita hadn't shut him up. Anyway, while Ralph's tribe enjoys their reward of barbecue supplies and food, Onomatopoeia have to vote yet another tribemate off. Most of them are gunning for Phillip, since he's weird and annoying, but when Kristina starts implying that she might have another immunity idol in a bid to save herself, Rob decides that she's a more dangerous player to keep around and sends her to Redemption Island…
…where she'll be facing off against Matt, because LI'L RUSSELL LOST!!!! HE'S OUT!!! FOR REAL THIS TIME!!! And he cried about it, too. HA! Best episode ever.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!First of all, thanks to George for the recap title idea! I didn't think I would get a chance to use it since I never imagined that Li'l Russell would leave the game. And yet, here we are, on the happiest day of my life. As far as recapping this show is concerned. Anyway, despite being voted out last week, Li'l Russell is, of course, the first thing we see after the previously on segment that was also devoted to him when it wasn't kissing Rob's ass. He arrives on Redemption Island and says hello to Matt, who is kind of starstruck by him, though not exactly surprised he was voted out of his tribe. Li'l Russell bitches about how his tribe threw the challenge to vote him out. He interviews that they lied to him the whole time, even down to Francesca winning the challenge instead of "this other kid." Oh my god, Li'l Russell. There's only one person there! Learn his name, asshole! Anyway, Li'l Russell is confident that he'll be able to beat Matt, who says he was blindsided by Rob and now he's sleeping to Li'l Russell. Li'l Russell agrees that that is kind of cool, then interviews that he's looking forward to beating Matt and everyone else in the Redemption Island challenges so he can return to the game and exact revenge on his tribemates.
Morning at Onomatopoeia. Just in case you forgot, Phillip is insane. He decides to wake up his sleeping tribe by using a rather clever Gilligan's Island-esque broom to sweep the area in front of the shelter where they were all trying to sleep. Tired and cranky, the tribe watches Phillip walk around in his pink underpants and make fun of him. Rob interviews that he doesn't understand why someone would come on this show in underwear like that "with his stuff just hanging out" and "flopping around everywhere." Really? He doesn't understand why someone would do something to get camera time? I find that hard to believe. Natalie and the blonde girl who isn't Andrea stare at Phillip in horror and disgust. Phillip refuses to put pants on as he goes on another hunt for tiny little hermit crabs. To his credit, he seems aware of the fact that his tribe is weirded out by him, saying in an interview that they "don't know how to take" him. Instead of, like, acting normal, though, he just says he's frustrated and does a bunch of weird stretches. Phillip says he's going to have to use his well-honed undercover skills to keep himself in this game. Fantastic.
Over at Camp Zapato, land of the awesome heroes, the two not-awesome not-heroes in the tribe, Stephanie and Krista, lie on the beach and sulk about how horrible their tribe is for voting out the amazing Li'l Russell. Stephanie says she and Krista are stuck with a bunch of "goobers" and not having any fun. And she was having fun with Li'l Russell? Since when was looking at armpit sores and futilely searching for immunity idols fun? Krista says they need to find an immunity idol to stay in the game. Steve's worried about the same thing, but Ralph tells him not to fret. They return to camp, leaving Krista and Stephanie on the beach, and Ralph reveals to his entire alliance that he has the immunity idol. I do not understand the logic in this, especially since if he was going to show everyone the idol, he should have done it before the Li'l Russell vote so they wouldn't have had to split the votes. I think Ralph is just so proud of himself that he "found" the idol that he can't help but not tell everyone else. Idiot. His alliance is thrilled, and Ralph says he's sure they'll want to take him even further in the game than they did before. Mike interviews that his alliance is controlling the entire tribe right now, which is easy enough when the alliance basically is the entire tribe. Mike says the good thing about having the idol is they'll somehow be able to use it to their advantage against Li'l Russell if he returns to the game.
The day at Onomatopoeia, Phillip turns fetching treemail into yet another display of his weirdness. "The early bird gets the worm. In this case, he gets the mail," he says, taking a rolled-up scroll out of the basket and then looking through it like it's a telescope. He returns to camp and reads the mail out loud to his tribe, who appear to be trying to sleep. I kind of love how Phillip is determined to annoy everyone else out of bed. Our worldly Former Federal Agent? doesn't know what "Rochambeau" means as he reads that two people from the tribe will again be allowed to watch the Redemption Island battle. Phillip says he'd like to go, then volunteers Kristina to go with him. She says sure, and the rest of the tribe doesn't care enough to protest. Phillip tells us that he's hoping to get some "intel" at the arena that will help him in the game. Over at Zapato, Sarita and Ralph decide to go, and Sarita is very much looking forward to watching Li'l Russell's defeat. Not as much as I am, though.
Li'l Russell and Matt prepare to do battle against each other. Li'l Russell says he likes Matt and thinks he's a good guy who he'd root for in "the real world." But, he says, this is not the real world. It's The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. So Li'l Russell is rooting for himself. Matt says Li'l Russell is "the biggest villain" in the history of the show, but Matt is fighting "to honor [his] god." Uh oh -- someone better tell Matt that the prize is actually a million dollars and not Jesus' eternal love or he is going to be really disappointed if he wins. They arrive at the Arena, and Probst explains the challenge: they will each be given a bunch of blocks to stack on platforms like dominoes, ultimately toppling them and releasing a ball that will roll off the last platform and break a tile. The first person to break his tile wins.
Probst mutters a go and the stacking begins. Li'l Russell's former tribemates quietly cheer for Matt, who Probst disappointedly reports seems to have a slight lead over Li'l Russell. Matt is the first to tip over his tiles, but about halfway through, two are spaced just a little bit too far apart and the chain stops. Li'l Russell is pleased, believing that this is his chance to win. His tribemates are clearly upset about this. As am I. But I am expecting Li'l Russell to sweep these challenges and return to the game, so I'm not surprised. Li'l Russell decides to try his luck , only to have the same problem Matt did and have to start over. Which means Matt gets a second chance! He tips over his first block, and slowly but surely the rest of his blocks fall until the ball is released and shatters Matt's tile. Sarita screams in delight. I'm waiting for Probst to tell us that Li'l Russell will be sent to a Redemption Redemption Island, for surely he can't be out of this game so soon, can he? And yet, Probst calls them both forward, and congratulates Matt before turning to Li'l Russell and saying that, for the first time ever, he is out of the game.
Li'l Russell shakes his head and ... cries. Probst rubs it in, saying Li'l Russell has bared his soul (or lack thereof) and played a strong game in his first two attempts. Not strong enough, I'd like to add. Remember, he lost. Twice. Li'l Russell sobs, and I'm thisclose to feeling sorry for the guy (unlike Kristina, who watches everything with this awesome delighted look on her face) when Li'l Russell shakes it off and says he "respects this game too much" to go out sobbing like he did at the Samoa finale. He says his tribe does not respect the game, and so they threw a challenge just to get rid of him because he's that amazing. Li'l Russell says he's a "professional quarterback" playing with Pee-Wee leaguers, and had to do everything because they couldn't. Um, like what? Alienate the majority alliance and lie around showing off your armpit sores? I fail to see how that sustained the tribe.
Ralph can keep quiet no longer. He says his tribe is doing great with or without Li'l Russell, and that he refused to show them the idol clue, thus causing them to lose trust in him. Not like the clue mattered anyway, Ralph says, adding that he'd already found the idol by that point. Everyone else stands around looking uncomfortable at the turn this has all taken. Li'l Russell tells Ralph to show him the idol if he has it. Ralph reaches into his bag to get it, and Sarita quietly tells him to stop while Li'l Russell tells Phillip and Kristina that they now know who has the idol on the other tribe. Ralph wisely listens to Sarita and says he doesn't have the idol and was just joking, but the damage has already been done. Li'l Russell laughs and says Ralph is obviously a dumbass, because he just gave away crucial information to the other tribe. Li'l Russell doesn't realize that the other tribe is represented by Phillip, who is insane, and Kristina, who doesn't seem to give a shit anymore, so who knows how useful this information will really be against Li'l Russell's former tribe. Probst is giving Li'l Russell way too much time here, and asks Ralph if he was telling the truth or not when he said he had the idol. Ralph says maybe he does, and maybe he doesn't.
Phillip decides to interject at this point, reminding us all that he once earned a living figuring out whether or not people are telling the truth, and thus he knows that Ralph has an idol. You don't have to be a Former Federal Agent or even a Former Federal Agent? to figure that one out, though. Li'l Russell tells them that Sarita is "in charge" and Mike and Steve are "a team." "Glad I came," Phillip says. Is Sarita actually in charge? That's pretty cool. Li'l Russell says that now that he has given Onomatopoeia the gift of knowledge that they will surely be able to use to crush his former tribe, his legacy will endure in the game even after he leaves it. How about he just fucking leaves it already? He can float away on a river of his bitter, bitter tears. Or just throw his buff in the fire and walk out. Whatever. Classy as always, Li'l Russell's final (until the finale, when I'm sure he'll get plenty of screentime again) words to us are disgust in his former tribemates, who he thinks only played this game for fame and/or money, unlike Li'l Russell, who hasn't tried to make any money or give himself any kind of fame out of this at all. "This is my last time playing this game," he promises. Sure. See you fucking season, troll.
At Camp Onomatopoeia, meanwhile, Rob celebrates the nice weather and lack of Phillip and Kristina around camp by setting up fun game for his allies to play on the beach, far away from where he suspects the idol is hidden. This is important, because Rob is planning on sneaking away and looking for the idol while his tribemates frolic obliviously. He starts dropping hints as his tribemates prepare for their fun day, saying his stomach is bothering him and he's feeling constipated. As soon as he and his crew set a bunch of chairs and blankets down on the beach, Rob excuses himself, saying he has to take a shit. They believe him, and as soon as he's out of their sight, he sprints to the other side of camp and searches everywhere for the idol. He somehow knows the idol will be in or around a tree even though the clue never indicated that (he also knows which side of the camp the idol is hidden, and the clue never said anything about that, either. Hmmm), but after fifteen minutes with his tribemates no doubt starting to wonder where he is, he still hasn't found it. But then! He just happens to spot a small package sitting in tree, right there out in the open. Ugh. They aren't even trying anymore. At least stick the idol in a hole in a tree and make it look like you don't want people to randomly come across it. Rob is, of course, very pleased with himself and says he seems to have learned something since the last time he played. He has, which is why he's still in this game and Li'l Russell, who refuses to change his game or learn anything from anyone, is not. Rob returns to the beach and enjoys himself with his clueless allies.
The only people happier than Rob are six members of Zapato, now that they know Li'l Russell is gone for good. Sarita tells them everything that happened, saying that Li'l Russell was "crying so hysterically" when he lost, but recovered and told the other tribe about everything that's been going on in their camp. Steve doesn't really care. "See ya, punk!" he says, as Krista and Stephanie get all sad. "Stop. Now you're gloating too much," Stephanie says, which tips David off that both girls are still on Li'l Russell's side even after he's out of this game. Stephanie doesn't make things any better by saying to Mike that people in this game do stupid things like throw challenges. Mike, of course, doesn't think that's stupid since their tribe is "much stronger" for it and Li'l Russell was destroying their synergy. Krista says numbers are more important than synergy. Mike believes the opposite. I think they're going to have to agree to disagree until Krista and Stephanie are voted out or the tribes are switched up.
On their way back to camp, Phillip tells Kristina his master plan for how and what information they will reveal to their tribemates about what went down at the arena. He wants to use the information about who has the idol to get a promise from Rob not to vote Kristina out . Phillips explains his logic here, saying he doesn't trust Rob one hundred percent when he says he and Phillip have an alliance, especially since Matt thought he had an alliance with Rob, too. Since Phillip is self-aware enough to know that he's the odd man out in his alliance, he figures that it's good for him to keep Kristina, the odd man out of the entire tribe, around as long as possible. Kristina, meanwhile, is awesome. "You have experience in these covert matters, Phil, so, whatever you think," she says, managing not to laugh in his face. She interviews that Phillip is basically going to try to blackmail Rob into keeping her around, and she doesn't think that will go very well for him. Which could keep her around through another Tribal Council, so she's all for it.
The two finally return to camp and tell the group about Li'l Russell's defeat and tears. Phillip then takes a walk with Rob and Grant and says there was more to the story that he didn't reveal. He knows, through Li'l Russell, who the leader of the other tribe's majority alliance is, who has the idol, and who is in which alliance. Phillip says he'll reveal all to Rob if he agrees not to vote Kristina out. Rob doesn't understand why Phillip is trying to help Kristina out when he's supposed to be in an alliance with Rob. Oops. Indeed, Rob is not pleased with Phillip in an interview, saying that Phillip is supposed to work for him, not tell him who to grant favors to. "Big mistake, Phil," Rob says. To Phillip's face, though, he agrees to Phillip's terms and Phillip tells him that "the tall girl," or, as Grant calls her, "the tall black hat" is in charge of the majority alliance at Zapato, and Ralph has the idol. Rob interviews that Phillip obviously doesn't feel secure in his alliance with Rob if he's trying to help Kristina out, and that makes Phillip dangerous. Grant parrots Rob's words in his own interview, saying they now know they cannot trust Phillip and will need to vote him out soon. So, yeah. That went about as well as Kristina thought it would.
Krista and Stephanie read the challenge treemail to the rest of their tribe. It alludes to them having to build something, which Steve says is good news for Zapato, since Ralph is, apparently, a "master builder." As they load up and go, Julie tells us that it's very important for their tribe to win today after throwing the last challenge.
The tribes arrive and Probst explains the challenge: both tribes were given a Stanley-brand toolkit to help around camp that they must also use to win this challenge, which will supposedly test how good they've become with their tools. One member from each tribe will use a crowbar to open a crate. Inside is a shovel that will be used to dig in a sand pit for an axe, which will then be used to chop through a log and a rope holding two saws. Once the saws are released, two tribe members will use them to saw through a wall of wooden panels, releasing planks that will be used to complete a wooden ramp. The entire tribe must then walk up the ramp and onto a platform, where one member will use a hammer to break three tiles. The first tribe to break their tiles wins immunity and today's reward: a barbecue set from Mervyns that comes with lots of food. Krista sits out for Zapato, and we begin.
Ralph and Rob go first for their tribes. Ralph proves to be a master crowbar-user, and easily opens the crate in one motion to give his tribe the early lead. Julie, followed by Grant, dig for their tribes. Julie comes up with the axe first, but Grant isn't far behind. Ralph and Rob return to chop some wood, and here we see how Ralph's redneck ways have given his tribe a clear advantage in this challenge. He obliterates that log in, like, seconds. Rob is stuck chopping away while Mike and Steve start sawing for Zapato. They're about a third of the way through the wall when Grant and Phillip arrive with their saws. Unfortunately, Phillip and Grant aren't very good at sawing or working together, and Onomatopoeia continues to fall behind. Mike and Steve get through the wall, and Stephanie and Sarita run out to place the planks on the ramp. Despite what Probst says about them going slowly and Phillip not digging deep enough, they're still not very far behind Zapato from what I can tell. Stephanie and Sarita appear to be struggling to place their planks as Rob and Kristina arrive at their ramp. But then, Stephanie and Sarita work out a system and quickly get their ramp completed. The entire tribe runs towards the ramp as Rob and Kristina appear to be one plank away from finishing their ramp. Zapato arrives on the platform with their toolkit. Onomatopoeia is close behind. It all comes down to how quickly Stephanie can untie the knots and release the hammer. She makes sure to shush her tribe when they try to help her because she's bossy and annoying, but also manages to free the hammer. Ralph uses it to smash the tiles and Zapato wins. Which isn't possible, what with Li'l Russell not being on their tribe, right? And yet, there we go. The Pee-Wee Leaguers managed to win one all by themselves! And just to make this extra awesome, Ralph, the guy who probably won this challenge for his tribe and who Li'l Russell hates so very much, jumps on a table and crows. In the warm glow of victory, Stephanie hands the idol to Ralph and it's almost as if they don't hate each other.
Oh, look, that pointless Boost Mobile player of the week thing is nominating Li'l Russell, who this week lost a challenge, was finally taken out of the game in second-to-last place, cried about it, and left behind a tribe that clearly doesn't need him. Of course.
Zapato return to camp with their tasty reward. Julie is all about smelling the peppers, while Mike says he is so hungry that he hasn't thought about sex in two weeks, as all he can think of is food. That's funny; when I look at Mike, all I can think about is sex. Sorry, Mom. Ralph tells us that the food was so good that he sucked every little bit out from underneath his nasty dirty fingernails. There goes any thoughts I had about sex. Thanks, Ralph. David says the mood at his camp is good right now and he's happy to be there and not in the other camp.
While the editors try to convince us that monkeys and jaguars are surrounding Camp Onomatopoeia, the loser tribe returns to camp and has insult added to injury with a speech from Phillip. He tries to motivate his troops as Kristina openly rolls her eyes. Rob says everyone in camp hates Phillip, who adjourns the meeting and micromanages Ashley and Natalie as they try to pour water from the boiling pot into their canteens. Kristina, meanwhile, just watches and smiles. Ashley interviews that she cannot stand Phillip and hopes he goes home tonight. Great, then do something about it, Ashley. Oh wait, I forgot -- you're just going to wait for Rob to tell you what to do and hope you agree with it. And do it even if you don't. Play on, player. While Phillip stabs at hermit crabs, Kristina decides to stir the pot a bit and says the last thing she wants to hear after losing another challenge is Phillip's voice. The girls agree. Kristina interviews that she knows where she stands in this tribe and that her only chance right now is probably that Phillip is awful enough to be voted out before her. Kristina then starts talking about the immunity idol to her audience of Onomatopoeia women, saying there was probably a clue to it in the last reward they won, and chances are good that Rob and Grant have it.
I think she was trying to get something going with the women, but Natalie interprets this another way, and interviews that Kristina was acting really weird around camp, as she's talking about the idol and not scrambling to save herself from being voted out tonight, nor is she scrambling to find the idol, either. Natalie wonders if that means that Kristina already has an idol. I'm sorry, Natalie, but you don't get to call Kristina or anyone "really weird" after spending 11 days with Phillip. Natalie dutifully reports to Rob and Grant about how Kristina was talking about the immunity idol, and Rob, not missing a beat, says either Kristina thinks they have the idol or she has it herself. Rob decides that Kristina is dangerous to have around camp and therefore should go before Phillip, so I guess she just dug her own grave there. Before she opened her mouth, it may well have been Phillip going for sure. Rob tells his alliance that they should split the vote tonight so that either Kristina will play her idol and stay and Phillip will go to Redemption Island, or she'll be voted out. Either way, it's good for them. Well, good for Rob.
Ashley isn't so sure, though. She'd rather Phillip leave their camp tonight, saying he's stressful to have around and a "ticking timebomb." Very good point. She'd rather vote him out than Kristina. Grant interviews that Phillip is a "loose cannon" and can't be trusted. He tries to convince Rob of this, but Rob says Kristina knows how to play this game better than Phillip does. Grant thinks they'll still be able to "deal" with her if they vote Phillip out first, but Rob says she's smart and therefore dangerous enough that they should get rid of her at the first possible opportunity.
Rob interviews that his alliance hates Phillip so much that someone may very well change her vote to Phillip instead of Kristina and vote him out first. I'm torn because I don't know who to root for: Kristina is awesome and I want her to stay in this game as long as possible, but Phillip is crazy and so I also want him to stay in this game as long as possible. Why must Rob eliminate all the best contestants so soon? What a dick. Rob says if his minions do not vote as instructed, then he'll know he isn't in total control of them like he thought. Phillip decides to play this game finally and asks Rob and his sidekick Grant who to vote for tonight. Rob says they're voting for Kristina. Phillip says okay, but interviews that Rob lied to him when he said he'd help Kristina out in exchange for that Redemption Island info. Thus, Phillip concludes, he can no longer trust Rob and will have to make some moves at Tribal Council. It would have been nice if he'd made some moves, like, before Tribal Council when it really mattered, but better late than never, I guess.
Onomatopoeia arrive at Tribal Council. Probst opens with Kristina, asking her if she's nervous about being voted out after just barely escaping her last two Tribals. Kristina says she is, and that she began this game on the wrong foot and will have to fight to stay in this game as long as possible. Probst asks Natalie for her opinion on anything, which is a mistake. Natalie says she's willing to give Kristina a second chance ... maybe. Grant agrees, saying as long as you're laid back and easy to get along with, you should get a second chance. Rob doesn't like where this is going at all, so he says Kristina only really "joined" their tribe in the last three days, and maybe it's too late. Probst asks Kristina what she thinks her tribe should do, like she's going to say they should totally vote her out. Please. Of course, she thinks the "weakest link" should go, and that might be the most disruptive person. Probst wants names, of course, and Kristina readily says Phillip's, calling him assertive and saying he makes people uncomfortable sometimes.
Phillip is fuming, so Probst gives him a chance to speak. Phillip says he is nothing like how Kristina described him. He's a "doer" and only "disruptive" to people who do nothing around camp but expect to be fed and provided for by the others who work hard. Probst figures Phillip is talking about Kristina, who says she does as much around camp as Phillip does. Phillip, of course, disagrees. He says only in the last three days has Kristina stepped up. Probst asks if it's between Phillip and Kristina tonight, then, and Phillip says his tribe knows who he is and what he's about. And then he starts talking about "the Sheppard Stamp" and having eleven siblings and a dead mother, joining the Army and receiving the second highest peacetime medal. Meanwhile, the rest of his tribe is so bored. Kristina's eyes have rolled right out of her skull. Probst enjoys himself for the first time since his beloved Li'l Russell left the game. Phillip continues that his job in the Army was in sanitation, and Rob and Grant start laughing quietly. Phillip concludes that all of this, which has nothing to do with anything that has happened in this actual game, is why he should have the respect of his tribemates and stay longer than Kristina.
Probst asks Kristina for a rebuttal. If I were her, I'd just be like, "Phillip is crazy and he's going to stab you all with his spear tonight if you don't get rid of him. Don't let the last thing you see before you die be those giant pink panties of his. Come on now." But she's more diplomatic than that, saying she's a valuable member of this tribe and wants the opportunity to prove to them that she's smart and trustworthy. Probst sends them off to vote.
Phillip votes for Kristina, canny enough despite his insanity to realize that a vote for her is his only chance to stay in the game. Kristina votes for Phillip, calling him a pain in the neck and hoping he leaves instead of her. I'm still so torn! Probst returns with the urn as it begins to rain and lightning dramatically. There are three votes for Phillip and three for Kristina. When the final vote is read, Kristina is revealed to be leaving us tonight. Boooo! She was too smart and sane for her own good. She heads out to Redemption Island. Her former tribe is stuck with Phillip.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.