In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
We get Redemption Island out of the way as Matt and Francesca face off in the beginning of the episode. Though Francesca looks like she has the challenge in the bag, Jesus wakes up from his nap and gives Matt a come-from-behind victory. Back in the actual game, Li'l Russell's tribe is sick of winning immunity and keeping their horrible tribemate around, so they decide to throw the challenge. Julie isn't sure it's a good idea to lose on purpose, but the rest of the tribe is on board and, sure enough, they lose. Onomatopoeia wins comfort items and an immunity clue for Rob, though it's too vague for him to figure out. Back at Zapato, no one knows that Ralph has the idol, so the alliance of six decide to split their votes three and three just in case Li'l Russell has it. This gives Li'l Russell a chance to stay in the game, as he and Stephanie try to convince "the old woman," a.k.a. Julie, to switch to their alliance and vote for Ralph with them. Julie totally looks like she's going to go for it, and even nods at Li'l Russell during a Tribal Council dominated by Stephanie's assertions that Li'l Russell is the greatest thing to ever happen to this game, but when the votes are read, it's a three-way tie between Ralph, Li'l Russell (or "Ressell," as dumbass Ralph writes down) and Stephanie. On the re-vote, Li'l Russell is sent to Redemption Island, where he'll probably win his way back on this stupid show.
Discuss this episodes in our forums, and see who we think will win. And see what our vlogger thinks Survivor: Manhattan would be like, below!
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Matt arrives on Redemption Island, which, by the way, is it even an island? I bet it isn't. It's probably a Redemption Peninsula or a Redemption Some Nicaraguan Guy's Backyard. Or both. He wakes Francesca up, and she's shocked to see him. "Why are you here instead of Phillip?" she asks. I just realized that poor Francesca has probably been sitting there for three days now just waiting for Phillip to show up and be crazy. Matt says he has no idea what happened or why he was voted out. He didn't even bring any of his stuff to Tribal Council, so all he has for however long he's on Redemption Island is the clothes on his back. "He's a scoundrel," Matt says of Rob. "Scoundrel?" Is Matt my grandma now? Also, Matt, you're the one who aligned with a guy you should have known very well is the way Rob is and never should have dropped your guard or gotten too confident. Poor Matt interviews that he's hurt and feels sick to his stomach. He tells Francesca that he's going to look like an idiot and "such a goober" when this episode airs because he spent the entire time talking about how well everything was going, only to be voted out by his own alliance. I'm not sure how sympathetic Francesca is, considering that Matt and his alliance voted her out three days earlier.
At Camp Onomatopoeia, Rob and Grant congratulate each other on a successful Tribal Council. Kristina lost her idol, Matt is gone, and Phillip proved to be reliable and slightly less crazy than they suspected. Rob and Grant pull him aside and praise his acting skills at Tribal. A shockingly normal Phillip laughs and bumps fists with them without mentioning his Former Federal Agent status once. I have a feeling Phillip is a very good actor, and has been acting this entire time. It'll be interesting to see if he can keep that up once the lack of food and all the stress start to work on him. Rob tells Phillip that he is welcome to join their alliance as the fifth wheel. Phillip's happy to accept the offer and says his word is his bond. Rob interviews that his job is to smooth things over with Andrea in the morning, because he knows she's too smart not to realize that her alliance turned against her and try to get back at them.
Day 6 on Redemption Island. The Yellow Snake is there! Either he can swim, or that's not an island, just as I suspected. Or the yellow snake isn't there at all, but is leftover footage from last season. Also, my editor tells me that those snakes are actually nocturnal, but I guess this snake was willing to wake up early for the chance to be on TV. That's less embarrassing than what some people are willing to do to be on TV. And he's gotten more camera time than half of the contestants so far. Matt and Francesca get treemail sending them to an arena set they probably pulled out of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge trash bin and shipped to Nicaragua. There, they will face off against each other to see who stays and who goes.
But that's not all! For over at Zapato, treemail tells them to choose two people to watch what happens "at a place which you don't want to be." Obviously, that's Redemption Island. The instructions say they have to pick rocks from a bag if they are unable to make a unanimous decision, and apparently that's what happened because the thing we know, they're all picking rocks. David and Steve get the winning rocks and are happy that they get to go and not Li'l Russell or one of the girls in his alliance, who, it seems, have stupidly made it obvious to all that they are aligned with the tribe pariah. Onomatopoeia also pick rocks, and Ashley and Andrea win a trip to Redemption Island. Andrea is very happy about this, because she gets to see Matt again and hopefully get tell him that she had nothing to do with his boot so they can align again if he returns to the game. Rob is not pleased, and hopes Andrea doesn't "get smart" and try to talk to her "island boyfriend." Oh come on, Rob. Matt was voted out. Yeah, he's on Redemption Island so there's a slight chance he can come back. And then, if Andrea is even still around, maybe they'll align again and be two against a majority. That doesn't seem very scary to me. I think Rob just doesn't want anyone else to steal his and Amber's favorite Survivor couple award.
Dramatic music plays us into the ridiculous Redemption Island Arena. Probst calls Matt and Francesca in and points out that Steve and David, who they barely know, and Ashley and Andrea, who voted them out, are here to watch. Andrea quickly points out that she didn't vote for Matt or Francesca. Uh oh!!! This is Rob's WORST NIGHTMARE. Now Andrea will win this game for sure! Probst asks how Matt is feeling. Matt says he's hoping to win this competition and all the others so he can make it back in the game. Francesca basically says the same thing. Why did Probst even ask? It's not like either of them was going to say, "I want to lose. Being the first person to leave this game is so awesome." Probst explains the challenge: Francesca and Matt will be stuck behind a locked gate with only rope and sticks to construct a pole that will retrieve three key rings hanging out of arm's reach beyond the gate. They must then use those keys to unlock the gate. The first person to go through his gate stays on Redemption Island. The loser leaves for good.
I'm happy to see that they didn't do an entirely strength-based challenge, although this one does favor the person with long arms, who, in this case, I'm assuming is Matt. But I guess they're trying to get all of their tall people favored challenges out of the way now before Li'l Russell arrives. Because you know that every challenge when he's there will be planned so that a short, fat, bald asshole has a distinct advantage. Probst says a weak "go" that lacks the volume and enthusiasm of his usual challenge beginning cries because Redemption Island is a solemn place. Matt and Francesca get to work. "Good old fashioned Survivor challenge: sticks and rope. And locks," Probst says, apparently forgetting how lame those early challenges used to be. Like the Blair Witch one, a good old fashioned Survivor challenge with stories and video cameras. And Rudy.
Francesca is the first to try out her pole. She's able to grab her first key ring as Matt makes an attempt with his pole, only for it to fall apart as soon as he picks it up. Francesca goes for her second key. Slowly and carefully, she lifts it off the hook and brings it back behind the gate. Wow, Francesca is kicking Matt's ass. Hooray! I want her to win and go back in the game. She is funny and smart and didn't get a chance. Matt makes a second attempt at the first key ring, and his pole falls apart again. Meanwhile, Francesca goes for her third and final key. But this hook is slightly further away than the others and her stick is just a hair too short. Too bad her arms aren't as long as Matt's, or else she might have won right there. The pole folds in half on her as Matt makes a third attempt for the first key ring. This time, he gets it. He immediately goes for the second key. He gets that one, too. All of the sudden, Francesca's huge lead has disappeared. She and Matt go for their third keys at about the same time. Their poles dance around the key rings. Matt's is a half-inch short of the ring, while Francesca gets her pole in the key ring but it slips off. In the meantime, Matt has stretched his arm out enough to get the last key ring. He slowly and carefully carries it back behind the gate. Damn. I mean, Matt seems okay and all, but I really like Francesca. And she doesn't have a chance at winning now, with Matt successfully getting his last key ring behind the gate and working on the locks while Francesca is still unable to get that last key ring on her pole. Matt quickly unlocks the gate and wins.
Andrea smirks like she isn't going to voted to Redemption Island and getting her ass kicked by Matt . Francesca and Matt hug, and Francesca tells Matt to "give 'em hell." Probst congratulates Matt and sends Francesca away, telling her to toss her buff in the fire on her way out. What, no special catchphrase for that, Probst? Nothing about fire representing life and buffs representing ... uh ... life also? I'm disappointed. Probst tells Matt to head back to camp and wait for his opponent. Matt laughs mirthlessly, so he is called back to the feet of Probst and asked what's so funny? Matt says the Redemption Island camp is nothing compared to the Onomatopoeia camp he left and it's tough being by himself. But he has no choice but to "seize the moment." Probst is delighted to hear Matt repeating his words and sends him back with a "make it happen." Thanks, Coach. Probst tells the studio audience they may also go back to their camps and it's up to them what, if anything, they tell their tribemates about Redemption Island. For some reason, they have to do this in slow motion, even though all they're doing is walking down some fake stone stairs. Steve voiceovers that this was an "eye-opener" for him and he's hoping to use this against Li'l Russell by telling him that Francesca won the challenge instead of Matt.
Ashley and Andrea return to camp. Rob asks Andrea how Matt is doing, like he cares, and Andrea says he's "pissed." Ashley says they didn't get to talk to Francesca or Matt, but Matt said he was hoping to get revenge on them. Rob obliges the producers and interviews that Redemption Island is scary because Matt could come back into the game and team up with Andrea again and then, somehow, the two of them would vote Rob's alliance out. Rob decides to talk to Andrea. He says he's really sorry about what happened to Matt, but it wasn't just his decision. Four people wanted Matt to leave. Oh, please. Andrea's not going to buy that. She was in Rob's alliance. She knows that he runs everything. And was totally okay with it until he ran everything against her closest ally behind her back. Andrea whines that she doesn't know where she stands now. Rob says she's still in their alliance. Andrea asks if that means that Phillip and Kristina are going before she is. Rob says they are. Andrea interviews that despite what Rob told her, she thinks she's in a bad position and doesn't trust anyone. But she's going to pretend she trusts Rob and is part of his alliance so he doesn't think she's scheming and vote her out. Then Andrea's crying and saying she's really angry at her former alliance. I guess that's why you shouldn't ally with a guy who played this game three times already and has proven time and time again not to be a trustworthy ally.
I guess Camp Zapato is really far away, because it's a whole new day by the time Steve and David return from Redemption Island. Just like Steve promised us, he lies to Li'l Russell that "the black chick" beat out "the blond dude." Steve interviews that he did this so that when Li'l Russell goes to Redemption Island, he'll see someone he didn't expect and that could throw him off enough to lose the challenge. Probably not, but they might as well try. At the very least, lying to Li'l Russell and him believing them makes him look just as stupid as he says all those people who believe his lies are. Li'l Russell does his little troll walk away from the group, and Steve immediately tells his allies that Matt actually won and Francesca went home. His allies laugh and smile. It's awesome how much these people hate Li'l Russell. Li'l Russell interviews that it's obvious that he's in an alliance of three against six, so he needs an idol. He reads his clue again and sets off with his allies in search of the idol, but the clue, which tells them to look for something living to something that isn't, is very vague. Li'l Russell complains that everything on their island is "alive," such as the beach, which is full of non-living rocks we call "sand" and "the running water," which is also not alive. Also, Li'l Russell insists upon looking for the idol with no pants on. Ralph, whose back hair is more alive than the beach or the running water, watches Li'l Russell's alliance's desperate search knowing that their efforts will be futile. After a while, Li'l Russell gives up on finding the idol. But Stephanie has an idea: she says if they can't get a real idol, then they'll have to make do with a fake one. She interviews that Li'l Russell has plenty of experience when it comes to finding idols, so it won't be hard for them to make the rest of the tribe believe that he found another one. Stephanie puts some crudely-constructed fake idol in her bag and says she's going to try to make it seem like she has a real idol in there.
Stephanie is really good at subtlety and underselling a performance, so she prances around camp clutching her bag and making sure everyone sees it. Steve notices and comments on Stephanie's tight grip on her bag. Li'l Russell encourages Steve is keep watching Stephanie and how something very important must be in her bag for sure. Steve interviews that he knows Li'l Russell and "his little harem" had the first clue, and he's pretty sure they have the idol, too, and that it's in Stephanie's bag. Showing off his superb social game, Li'l Russell comments to him that "when Russell orders it, [the girls] do it." "I know. I don't know how you do it, brother," Steve says, expertly feeding into Li'l Russell's ego. He interviews that Li'l Russell is bad for everyone in their tribe and has to be voted out ASAP.
After the break, it's Day 8 at Camp Zapato and we're going to see even more of Li'l Russell than we ever wanted to. Yes, we get a close up of his armpits, which are full of tiny little red bumps and sores. He shows them off to Stephanie and Krista, who say they're starting to "clear up" while Mike sits nearby and is totally grossed out. He interviews that Li'l Russell shaved his armpits before the game started and now he has a "pus-filled rash all over the place." Wow, how stupid can you be? Hasn't Li'l Russell played this game like 80 times already? Why on earth would he shave his armpits? And then do it in such a haphazard way that almost every single hair became ingrown? Was he drunk? Even Ralph knew better than to shave his body hair before the show, and Li'l Russell thinks Ralph is beyond dumb. Mike says Li'l Russell is like a black hole in their camp. Steve, of course, agrees, and calls yet another anti-Li'l Russell meeting of his alliance to talk about how much Li'l Russell sucks. Ralph and Mike agree that he does. Steve suggests that they think about throwing the challenge, saying it's risky because numbers are important, but he doesn't consider Li'l Russell to be a number since he does nothing around camp and chances are pretty good that he won't be loyal to their alliance if he makes it to the merge anyway. Very good point.
Steve brings this idea to the other three members of their alliance, and they all seem to feel the same way: they don't want to throw a challenge, both for game play and pride purposes, but if there's anyone in this game it's worth that risk to get rid of as soon as possible, it's Li'l Russell. Julie, whose 50-year-old body is better than mine even though I work out four to six hours a week, is the only hold out. She interviews that she's a competitor and thus isn't used to losing on purpose. She thinks it might be better to "deal" with Li'l Russell than risk giving the other tribe momentum. As they head out to the challenge, the alliance decides to figure out whether or not they're going to throw it at the challenge, and use thumb signals to tell each other the plan.
The tribes arrive at the challenge. Probst takes the immunity idol back from Ralph, who says nothing about how his tribe will get it back soon because he is all about throwing this challenge. Probst explains the challenge: hey, remember just last season when they had that challenge where three people were strapped to a wheel and had to spit water out to fill a tube and release a ball? Well, the crew couldn't be bothered to take that challenge apparatus down or think of anything new, so it's back. This time, though, instead of the ball being used to break tiles, it will race though a channel in a slide puzzle that one tribe member will be responsible for completing. The first team to do that wins immunity and a reward of comfort items: chairs, pillows, blankets, and a tarp. Though the members of Zapato groan in desire over the comfort items, they turn to each other and give the thumbs up of challenge-throwing behind Li'l Russell's back while Probst waits for them to tell him which two members will be sitting the challenge out. Ralph finally says it will be him and the woman whose name he obviously forgot even though she's in an alliance with him (Sarita). We get a rare glimpse of the pre-challenge strategy session for both teams, with Rob telling his tribe not to screw up and leave the puzzle to him and Steve and David trying to figure out the best way they can lose. Steve tells Julie to miss the tube. She nods, but interviews, again, that she isn't thrilled with the idea of throwing a challenge.
The challenge begins. Julie is on the wheel with the other two women in Li'l Russell's alliance, so while they aim their water at the tube, she gets called out by Probst for missing it. Probst then focuses his rage on Steve for looking weak as one of the wheel-spinners, as Probst clearly was given a heads-up that there would be shenanigans in this challenge. Onomatopoeia's ball is released first, and even though Phillip is one of the people in control of the wheel, he does not manage to drown anyone. Almost, though. Kristina came awfully close there.
While Rob works furiously on the puzzle, Krista and Stephanie manage to get Zapato's ball released. Now it's up to David to suck out. Sure enough, while Rob slides puzzle pieces around, David just stares at the puzzle. Rob solves his puzzle and maneuvers the ball through the channel and into the net to win it for his tribe, who are so happy to finally win that no one has the heart to tell them they probably only won because the other tribe hates Li'l Russell that much. Anyway, I might be happier than Onomatopoeia are, as surely this means Li'l Russell will be voted out and off my TV screen until the finale -- oh, wait. That's right: we have Redemption Island this season. So I guess Li'l Russell will never be too far away. Probst gives the idol to Onomatopoeia and asks Rob how it feels to finally win. "Overdue," he says. Lame. Probst should've asked Phillip. I have no idea what his answer would have been, but I know it would have been awesome. During the slow-mo Walk of Shame, Li'l Russell says he'd think his tribe lost that challenge on purpose, if he "didn't know any better." Except he does know better, since I'm sure the producers tell him stuff like this. "I'm dealing with a buncha bitches," he concludes. No, no, Li'l Russell -- we call those people HEROES.
Onomatopoeia returns to camp and get right to setting up their tarp over the shelter. Rob interviews that he couldn't bask in the glow of victory for too long, as he was sure there was a clue to the hidden immunity idol somewhere in the reward and he wanted to find it before anyone else did. And, he says, other people are looking. Like Kristina, who looks for her clues by squatting to a tree in an unflattering manner. And some blonde girl, who looks for her clues by sniffing the inside of what appears to be a water jug. Yeah, I don't think Rob should be incredibly worried here. Rob says he used to think he could just ignore the idol, but that didn't work out very well last time. So this time, he's going to get the clue and thus, the idol. He searches everything that came with the reward, but finds nothing ... until he spots Phillip's "fat ass" lounging in the new chair like any good Former Federal Agent? will and tells him to get up because the chair is lopsided and Rob is afraid it's going to break. No, no, Rob; only Shambo breaks reward items. Rob checks out the chair, only to see the immunity idol clue sewn into the fabric "right underneath [Phillip's] ass." While Phillip snoozes in the other chair, Rob mutters something about taking the "broken" chair to their toolbox for repairs, walks off with the chair, and grabs the clue. He mutters to the camera that Phillip's fatness caused the chair to bend, thus getting Rob's attention and, ultimately, getting him a clue to the idol. But Rob's happiness is short-lived, as he reads the clue and finds it incredibly vague, even more than Zapato's was. He doubts it'll help him find the idol, but says at least he knows no one else will be able to find it using that clue, either.
Zapato return to camp. Ralph reminds us that they threw the challenge to get rid of Li'l Russell, who heads off with his allies and leaves the other alliance alone to plot his doom. Mike says they'll split their votes in case Li'l Russell has the idol: three for Li'l Russell and three for Stephanie. Meanwhile. Li'l Russell sits in the tide pool lagoon thing and rants about how stupid it is to throw a challenge this early in the game. Krista and Stephanie nod and agree with him. Li'l Russell interviews that it's a bad idea to intentionally give Rob's tribe any kind of momentum, as they could very well go on a winning streak and then Zapato will be seriously down in numbers when the tribes merge. Um, didn't Li'l Russell go into the merge the first time he played with only like four people to the other tribe's eight? And he didn't seem particularly worried about it then, because he knew that a strong tribe of four could be better off than a fractured tribe of eight. Even if Zapato loses every immunity challenge between now and the merge, they're still better off than they would have been going into the merge with Li'l Russell on their tribe waiting to screw them over.
Li'l Russell strikes a pose in the shelter as he tells Stephanie that their only chance tonight is to convince someone in the other alliance to flip to their side. Yeah, that might have worked before they alienated everyone else. I guess we see now why the social game is so important. Li'l Russell suggests that they try to work their magic on "the old lady." What is it, Day 8? 9? And Li'l Russell still doesn't know his tribemates' names? That's the kind of assholishness that gets your tribe to give up comfort items and immunity for the sole purpose of getting rid of you, Master Strategist. Li'l Russell sends Stephanie off to try to win Julie over. She's eager to do anything he asks.
Stephanie does a halfway decent job on Julie, asking her where she stands in her own alliance and if she'd be in a better spot if she were to join Li'l Russell's. Julie seems receptive to the idea, agreeing that Li'l Russell has valuable experience and stuff. JULIE, NO. DON'T YOU DARE. DON'T YOU RUIN THIS FOR ME MORE THAN THE REDEMPTION ISLAND TWIST ALREADY HAS. Stephanie says Julie has to know that Li'l Russell will take them to the end, just as he's done for other allies in the past. "It makes sense. It makes sense," Julie nods. She interviews that tonight's vote is a "game changer" and she's been weighing the pros and cons of voting Li'l Russell out or joining his team. Stephanie reports back to Li'l Russell and says Julie is on their side. Li'l Russell smirks and sets off to talk to Julie himself. "This is gonna be the biggest blindSIDE EVER!!!!!" Stephanie shouts. Someone needs to tell her than blindsides work a lot better when you don't scream about them to everyone in a two mile radius. Geez.
Li'l Russell checks in with Julie. He tells her that if she votes for Ralph with his alliance, he'll have her back for the rest of the game. Why does Li'l Russell think his word means anything to anyone? Or that Julie is as stupid and naïve as the two teenagers in his alliance? And yet, Julie seems to be on board, shaking his hand to seal the deal. They part ways, and Li'l Russell is very pleased with himself, interviewing that if this all works out, it'll be the biggest move he's ever made in this game and a "shocker!" He points to his stupid new tattoo of a cross and the words "keep hope alive." Stephanie looks at them admiringly.
Zapato arrive at Tribal for the first time. Probst gives them his traditional torch fire life speech, although now that we have Redemption Island, he has to alter it slightly. Taking himself off auto-pilot like that must have thrown Probst off, as he begins by talking to Ralph and not his favorite contestant ever. Fortunately, though, Ralph soon talks about Li'l Russell, saying one of the "good" things about coming to Tribal Council is that they can remove the division in their tribe. It takes Ralph a while to actually get this out, with some help from Probst, because Ralph is an idiot. An idiot who found an immunity idol faster than Li'l Russell ever did. Steve has no problem telling Probst absolutely everything that's going on in his tribe, saying that there are six of them in one alliance and three of them in another that is "lead by Russell." Li'l Russell, of course, stays pretty quiet, as he usually does at Tribal Council. Which, I have to admit, is one of the smartest moves he makes in this game. Probst asks Sarita what caused the tribe's division, as if he doesn't know. Sarita blames it on "Russell and his legacy," saying he told them all in the beginning that he was determined to play this game differently, but as soon as it became obvious that he only knew one way to play, most of the tribe sided against him.
Probst seems disappointed in Li'l Russell, saying he must have known there would be a target on his back coming into this game. Did he? Li'l Russell isn't very good at reading other people's feelings and emotions. For instance, he thought he took Natalie, Mick, Pavarti, and Sandra to the end with him so he could destroy them in front of a jury when the truth was that those people were actually taking him to end because they knew they could beat him in front of a jury. And he still doesn't seem to realize that. Li'l Russell claims that people judged him by the way he played before, but he isn't playing like that now. For example, he tried to win the challenge today. Other people did not. When he says he believes his tribe threw the challenge, Steve makes this ridiculous indignant double take motion with his head. The rest of his alliance, however, doesn't feel the need to lie to Probst or claim they tried their hardest. Mike says most of his tribe probably didn't give their all in the challenge, knowing that, while winning would be nice, losing would give them a chance to "trim some fat." Ha ha ha! Mike just called Li'l Russell fat. He's awesome.
Probst goes for Julie , asking her if it isn't foolish to intentionally lose a tribemate when numbers are so important in this game. You know, except for all those seasons where having numbers actually hurt the majority alliance. While Krista and Stephanie smirk like they have anything to be proud of, Julie says that, personally, she'd like to go into the merge with as many people on her side as possible. Probst decides to ask Stephanie for her opinion, thereby opening an annoying can of worms. In the most condescending way possible, Stephanie says the majority of her tribe seems to have forgotten that they're playing Survivor, and that Li'l Russell has played this game before and can be an asset to all of them. Right, because Li'l Russell did so much for his tribe the other two times he played. Stephanie's argument might work with someone like Rob, who's been working really hard to gain his tribe's trust and be an asset (on the surface, anyway), but not Li'l Russell. Stephanie says if the other six people want to be best friends, that's fine for now, but they will end up stabbing each other in the back.
At this point, David interrupts to say something, but Stephanie keeps right on speaking, scolding him with "I'm still talking, mouth is still moving, THANK YOU." "Feisty!" David says. He probably wouldn't have said that if Stephanie was a man, so they both come off like assholes there. Stephanie continues that they need numbers going into the merge to take out the other tribe, and with only two people over the other tribe, throwing a challenge and losing a member is "not strategy. It's plain stupidity." And then she sits back and shrugs like she's awesome. Which she isn't, because snapping at people in your tribe who have a majority alliance against you and alienating all of them even more is not strategy. It's plain stupidity.
Li'l Russell grins, as well he should, since he doesn't have to do or say anything. His little puppet is doing it all for him. Probst informs Steve that an "incohesive group of nine is a much bigger advantage than a tight six" going into a merge. Um, no, it's not. Remember, Probst, when Li'l Russell went into a merge with a tight group of four against an incohesive group of eight? Or when J.T., Stephen, and Taj were a tight group of three against like seventeen people in that Brazil season? And they did just fine. Steve says losing "sucked," but he still will not admit to throwing the challenge. Why should he? He admitted it in his interviews; he just doesn't think it's wise to admit it openly or to Probst, which I totally understand. Stephanie smiles and shakes her head. Probst asks David if Steve is telling the truth and he truly got his "ass kicked by Rob." David says Rob beat him. "Really?" Stephanie snots. Ugh. SHUT UP. David tells her not to speak for him and trust that just because his hands weren't moving on the puzzle board doesn't mean that his mind wasn't working. "Okay. [giggle]," Stephanie says.
For some reason, Probst wants to hear from Sarita again, even though the editors obviously couldn't care less about her or anything she might have to say. He asks her if Li'l Russell is "scary" to her alliance because they can't predict what he might say or do. Sarita says Li'l Russell is like a "black cloud" over their camp who does nothing to help out. "Oh my god, I'm going to lose my shit," Stephanie says, helpfully putting her hands over her mouth so the editors won't have to put a blur there. That's unusually considerate for Stephanie. Probst cuts Sarita off to hear more from Stephanie. While the rest of the tribe roll their eyes, Stephanie claims that Li'l Russell does a lot around camp, like collecting firewood and catching crabs. "Wake up, okay?" she concludes. Oh my god, I'm going to lose my shit. Wake up, Stephanie. You're in a minority alliance with a guy who doesn't know how to shave his own armpits and some blonde girl who doesn't know how to speak. You might have had Julie, but do you really think she's going to side with you after you've been so incredibly off-putting tonight? As for Sarita, her only response to Stephanie's outburst is a confident smile. Probst asks Ralph for his opinion, which Ralph readily, if unintelligibly, gives. Something about how any work Li'l Russell does around camp is to benefit solely himself.
Probst lectures the tribe on being "so divided" this early in the game like that's anyone's fault but his favorite player and says he predicts they'll be in "big trouble" when the merge happens. He claims that's a "big prediction" from him, even though, as the executive producer of this show, he can and does make whatever he wants to happen, happen. He asks Li'l Russell what he can do, if anything. Li'l Russell says he's keeping hope alive, because that's what his tattoo says and that's what he thinks will look awesome on camera when Julie is stupid enough to trust him and vote for Ralph. "It never is what it seems," he says, no doubt already planning to have that tattooed on his other shoulder. Then he and Phillip can compete in the Stupidest Shoulder Tattoos Contest. Julie sits there, looking smug. I don't like this. Don't you do this to me, Julie. Don't you dare!
Probst sends the tribe off to vote. Julie looks over at Li'l Russell and nods slightly. NOOO. NOOOOOOnonononono. No. Ralph votes for "Ressell." Good lord. I mean, really? Surely Ralph has seen this show before, since he's not exactly the type of guy the casting recruiters go for so I'm assuming he auditioned. So he must have seen Li'l Russell and saw his name spelled out. Also, he should know how to spell "Russell" anyway. It's not that difficult. Either Ralf got it wrong by accident and he's even stupider than I thought, or he spelled it wrong on purpose, which would be awesome. I fear it's the former, though. Sarita votes for Stephanie, calling her "misguided" and "rude," things she probably wanted to say to her during the Tribal Council but bit her tongue because that's the smart way to play this game. Li'l Russell votes for Rolph, saying "this is my game, you sucka." He's right, though. Even if he gets voted out tonight, there's no way the producers are letting him leave. He'll just hang out on Redemption Island and have like half of every episode devoted to him until he comes back in the game, finds 18 immunity idols, and gets second place. We don't see who Julie votes for, of course. If it's for Wralf and not Li'l Russell, though, I will find where she lives in California, go to her house, and slap her. And then run away, because she could probably kick my ass.
Probst reads the votes. One for Li'l Russell. One for Relff. One for Stephanie, who smirks. One for "Ressell." And then one for "Russel." Wow, Li'l Russell may well be voted out of this game by a bunch of idiots. How awesome. Or not, as Julie is shooting Stephanie conspiratorial nods. Stephanie rolls her eyes as she gets a second vote. Rrawlf gets a second, then a third vote. But he can't be too worried, since those are obviously from Li'l Russell's alliance. And yet, Stephanie and Li'l Russell are sitting there grinning away like they know something really awesome for them is about to happen. Ugh. Julie smiles at them, and my spirit has been crushed. BUT THEN! The final vote is revealed, and it's for Stephanie!! And then Stephanie and Li'l Russell look around in disbelief that the "old woman" whose name they didn't even bother to learn just lied to them and they bought it hook, line, and sinker. Julie, on the other hand, wins my love forever as she sits there, that same smug smile still plastered on her face. Probst says they have a three-way tie, so everyone except Stephanie, Li'l Russell, and Woof will vote again. Gosh, I wonder who they'll vote for? If I didn't hate Li'l Russell so much, I'd be hoping that they'd all vote for Stephanie just so I don't have to listen to her anymore.
Probst returns with the urn and a broken heart. Sure enough, Li'l Russell gets the majority of the vote (although this time, THREE of them voted for "Russel." They have to be doing this on purpose, right?) and the alliance of six HEROES grin away as Li'l Russell gets his torch and heads for Probst. "I'll be back and be ready," Li'l Russell promises them. Stephanie smiles at Li'l Russell adoringly, because it's great Survivor strategy to kiss the ass of the guy the rest of your tribe hates and just voted out. "I'll be ready," ALF says. Probst snuffs Li'l Russell's torch, but the moment that should be such a happy and long-awaited one for me is tarnished when Probst reminds us that Li'l Russell is going to Redemption Island so I'll still have to see him again. And again. And again. As he heads out, Stephanie turns to Julie and dramatically mutters "storm's a coming." Julie manages not to laugh in her face. Probst says Zapato just voted out "one of the most successful players in the history of Survivor," and wonders if that decision will bite them in the ass. I wonder how we can call someone who has never won this game despite all the advantages the producers threw his way and the fact that the second time he played he went to the Final Three with two winners and STILL didn't get any votes "successful."
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.