Simple As That

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It's the home stretch of the game, and Colby has to win immunity or he'll be the to go for sure. So, of course, he doesn't. At least he doesn't come in last this time, and nearly wins it against Parvati. He tells the girls he's not going to scramble, then tries to convince Li'l Russell to keep him in the game for one more round to ensure that Parvati doesn't win immunity again. That assumes that Colby is any kind of a threat to beat Parvati in a challenge, which he very much is not, and that Li'l Russell would be better off possibly facing Colby at the end than Parvati. For all of his faults, Li'l Russell is not a complete moron, and votes Colby out, as does everyone else. Then it's time for the boring walk of fallen tribemates and another immunity challenge, which Jerri and Parvati come within inches of winning, only to both lose to Li'l Russell. Ah, well. It's not like he was going anywhere if he didn't win immunity; the best thing about this season is that while he thinks he's taking people to the Final Three that he's sure to beat because the jury will respect his amazing strategic play, the only reason why he's even still in this game is because the remaining contestants know they're sure to beat him in the end because he's such a horrible person.

Li'l Russell tells Jerri he'll be voting with her against Parvati at Tribal Council, then tells Parvati he wants to vote Jerri out because he thinks she'll vote for him to win. He also thinks he'll win against Sandra, as the only potential vote she has is from Courtney, and tells Sandra this. She just nods and waits to strike. At Tribal Council, it's really not a surprise to anyone except Jerri when she is the last person voted out and the final member of the jury. Just like last season, Li'l Russell thinks he's got the end made, as he's sitting to two winners and he's the only person who played a strategic game ever in the history of the world and reality shows or whatever he's telling himself. I don't even care anymore. He tells Parvati and Sandra how inevitable his win is and walks away, leaving them to giggle over how they're going to rip him apart at Tribal because he has no idea what and who he's up against. And then, in the ultimate ironic twist, Sandra throws Li'l Russell's precious hat into the fire, just like he destroyed everyone else's stuff. Oh, and she laughs about how he's ashamed of his baldness in an interview, too. I love her.

At the final Tribal, Sandra and Parvati make their points that they really had to fend for themselves for most of the game, as Parvati was targeted from the beginning and had no one to align with except Li'l Russell, and Sandra never really had an alliance after Rob was voted out. Li'l Russell just does his usual speech about how he's the greatest player ever and he played really hard and if he had to call Rupert a dumbass and use 57 immunity idols to keep himself in the game, well, that was pure gameplay and strategy and not luck and being a horrible person. Just like last time, the jury doesn't go for it. They fall all over themselves to extol the virtues of Sandra and Parvati while telling Li'l Russell that he is disgusting, horrible and short, to the point that Rupert admits that he made a mistake in his gameplay and Coach votes for a woman over a man. Li'l Russell receives zero votes, Parvati gets three, and Sandra gets the rest, making her the first person to win this game twice. It's pretty impressive and, I think, well-deserved. And all is right with the world.

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Probst wastes ten minutes of our lives recapping the entire season thus far, being sure to use as much of the pretty opening credits footage as possible. I like how he gives credit to "some help from Jerri" for Li'l Russell getting rid of Rob, when I'd say Rob's boot was 45% because of Tyson (inadvertently) and 45% because of Jerri, with the remaining 10% going to Rob himself for refusing to consider voting for anyone but Li'l Russell. So, yeah, that's a little bit more than "some help." Also, Probst gives no credit to Sandra for convincing Li'l Russell to get rid of Coach before her and Courtney, which is the reason why Sandra is still there now. Seriously, the only time when Probst even mentions the contestants left in this game besides Li'l Russell is in reference to something they did for or against him. We had 19 other fucking "all-stars" this season and we spent almost the entire season watching one guy who we all just watched LAST season. Why? Are the editors/producers that lazy that they'd rather just focus everything on one contestant instead of bothering to pay attention to and create stories around what anyone else is doing? Does all of America love watching Li'l Russell so much and I'm the one with the problem because I can't stand him? I just don't get it. And after tonight, hopefully, he will be off my TV screen forever. Until the all-star season, that is.

Probst recaps the contestants left so far, complete with footage from their original seasons. Colby used to be hot and powerful, but now he's weak and old(er). Parvati is a flirt and a "cunning strategist." Oh, there's the shot of her and Natalie stirring their cauldrons from Season 16! I miss that season, you guys. I really do. Sandra was a "feisty mother of two" in Season 7, and OH YES! THERE IS THE SHOT OF HER GOING APESHIT ON JOHNNY FAIRPLAY. "I CAN GET LOUD TOO WHAT THE FUCK!" indeed. Just because the editors hate Johnny Fairplay that much, they stick a shot of him saying he bets a million dollars that Sandra won't win the game just before the clip of Probst revealing that she did, indeed, win the game. And then all she did this season, apparently, was spy on and hate Li'l Russell. Jerri was "the original Black Widow" in her first season, but this time around, she tried to make friends. Until she switched to Li'l Russell's alliance and helped vote all of her friends out. Oops! And finally, there's Li'l Russell, who was an asshole in his first season. "This season," Probst says; "more of the same." Don't I know it? I've just spent, like, six months watching Li'l Russell do the same thing every fucking week. Probst sums up that in our Final Five, we have two winners, two runners-up, and Jerri. Probst promises that this will be the "biggest finale yet." We'll see.

The Final Five return to camp. Li'l Russell is fuming about Sandra's immunity idol play, but Parvati thinks it was a "pretty good play." Li'l Russell disagrees, saying that she used an idol that was "worthless." Kind of like what you did with one of your 12,456,865,432 idols when you played it even though there were no votes against you, Li'l Russell? Or when you gave TWO idols to Parvati? Meanwhile, that was the last possible night to play the idol, so of course Sandra was going to play it. You're just mad that you didn't know about it. Li'l Russell says Sandra's play was "terrible" because it shows that she was lying to her tribe about having it. Parvati says Li'l Russell has played plenty of idols unnecessarily. He says those were bad plays, too. I don't think playing the immunity idol is ever a bad thing, really. If I ever got it, I'd probably just turn around and play it immediately and consider it like winning an individual immunity challenge. I'd rather waste it than not use it when I needed it. Sandra speaks up, asking if Li'l Russell is saying that she's supposed to just "hurry up and tell" him when she finds idols. She points out that every time Li'l Russell played an idol (which was, like, almost every Tribal Council), she had no idea it was coming or that he had it. Sandra interviews that Li'l Russell wants to micromanage everyone in the tribe, but she is not micromanageable. "Sorry," she concludes. She doesn't sound very sorry, though.

Li'l Russell says he just wants to drop it now that he's had his say. Parvati says he doesn't sound like he's letting bygones be bygones as he claims, and Li'l Russell says he thinks she knew about Sandra's idol and lied to him about it. Parvati indignantly says she had no idea that Sandra had an idol and doesn't see why it matters anyway. Li'l Russell says that if she knew about it, then that shows that she is being "real sneaky." As opposed to everyone else on this show, who isn't? Does Li'l Russell expect everyone to be like Colby and sleep through the show so he can win? Because if they did that, then Jerri would have just gone along with Rob and voted Li'l Russell out before the merge. Parvati decides to drop the subject. See what you get when you try to have a conversation with him? As Li'l Russell rounds up Jerri and Colby to talk to them about voting out the liar Parvati, she interviews that she doesn't care that Li'l Russell is angry at her and "stomping his feet like a little two-year-old child." If an actual two-year-old child stomped its feet, Li'l Russell would have to be careful, or else he might get squished. Meanwhile, Jerri and Colby talk and say Parvati needs to go ASAP. Jerri claims that she's wanted to do this from the beginning, but if that was really true, why didn't she do it when she had the chance instead of joining Parvati's alliance?!?! I want to like Jerri and all, but I don't know if I can ever forgive her for being the reason why Li'l Russell wasn't out of this game before the merge.

Day 37. Li'l Russell and Parvati arrive with treemail. It apparently contains puzzle pieces, but the clue says they'll need "steady hands" in order to prevent shattered dishes and dreams. Why are we talking about shattered dreams still? Rupert "so much for my dreams" Boneham is already gone. Parvati is the only person who knows anything about this show, so she immediately recognizes that this is the final immunity challenge from Season 15. Li'l Russell interviews that whoever wins immunity between Colby and Parvati will stay and the other will be voted out. He wants to go to the end with Sandra and Jerri, because he thinks he'll be able to beat them, since they "didn't play the game at all." I love how he STILL thinks that the winner of this game is only determined by who played it the hardest, and not the person who played it the best or, barring that, who the jury can stomach seeing win a million dollars.

The tribe arrives at the challenge. Can I just say how sad I am that there was no auction this season? Because I am. I love the auction. Anyway, Parvati was correct that this is, indeed, the plate-balancing challenge from Season 15. We begin with one large plate, followed by a large bowl on top of that. Why can't they let them decide which order they want to stack things? That would add a strategic element to this. We get a plate-stacking montage until we're 9 dishes in and Sandra's plates crash to the ground. Jerri is also having trouble keeping her stack steady, but it stays up until they're at 14 dishes and she can't hold on any longer. Probst instructs the three remaining contestants to put a "soy dish" on top of the stack, and you know Li'l Russell and Colby are thinking, "What is a soy dish?" Too bad Sandra isn't still in this challenge, because she would have just said that out loud with a few swear words thrown in. A "medium bowl" is the sixteenth dish on the stack, and that's all it takes for Li'l Russell's tower to fall. Good. Amazingly, Colby did not get out after one dish and is still in this thing. A gust of wind blows, causing both stacks to wobble, but they hang on. A large bowl comes up . Colby's stack wobbles dangerously as he tries to place it, while Parvati has to deal with her wickedly shaking hand. With 17 dishes stacked, Colby's tower suddenly falls. Parvati hears the smashing sounds and smiles. She wins immunity again. On the way out, Jerri tries to tell us that Parvati would have been voted out tonight if she hadn't just won immunity, because it's really smart to keep Colby in the game over her. "It's not like it's the end of the world. We still have one more person that we can get rid of. That being Colby," she over-explains.

The contestants return to camp. Parvati immediately interviews that her victory today was a big deal because it keeps her in the game and means the last Hero will definitely be leaving tonight. Colby rounds the group up for a Very Important Announcement. Much like the last time when he thought he had no hope to stay in this game, he's going to give up and not bother to scramble to try to stay in it so he can enjoy his last day. Li'l Russell walks up and shakes his hand immediately, no doubt assuming that Colby is one more jury vote for him. Colby hugs the girls (even Jerri!) and then interviews that he gave "the girls" his "surrender" speech, and it was a "pretty good speech, actually. Hell, I almost convinced myself I was giving up." Really? Is he serious with this? Hasn't he already given up? He says he won't quit since it's "not in" him to quit and he's "never" quit anything in his life. Yeah, except this game, like, three times already this season. And then there's this long, long, long pause where Colby looks down and scrunches up his lips and I thought maybe he was about to cry, but then he finally continues speaking like five hours later with "so when the time was right ... " and pauses again, then: "I made one more attempt." What was that about? Did he bore himself to sleep?

Colby approaches Li'l Russell and asks if he's planning to vote him out tonight. Li'l Russell says he is, and then hopes to vote out Parvati and take Sandra and Jerri to the end. Colby's argument for why Li'l Russell should keep him over anyone else is that if they vote Sandra out now, they'll have a better chance at beating Parvati in the immunity challenge and ensuring that she is sent home before the finale. Oh, my god. First of all, how is Colby stronger at challenges than Sandra? I'm pretty sure she's done better than him in quite a few of them this season. Also, even if Colby was better at challenges, wouldn't Li'l Russell definitely NOT want to keep him in the game for fear that he'd win immunity and be in the Final Three and get all the Heroes' votes? Colby says Parvati is sure to get "a ton of votes" in the Final Three. Li'l Russell interviews that it may well be a better strategic move to vote Sandra out instead of Colby. Yeah, in OPPOSITE LAND perhaps. He claims he doesn't know what to do and who to vote for as they head out to Tribal Council, but that's bullshit.

Tribal Council begins. The jury enters, and of course, Rupert has a nice, clean tie-dye shirt. Wouldn't it be awesome if he shaved his beard, got a nice haircut, and wore, like, a suit to Tribal? But no, he's the same old Rupert, and glaring away at everyone left in the game. Probst talks to Colby first, asking if the third time he played this game was the toughest. Colby says it was, because he sucked in challenges and still couldn't beat Parvati for immunity when he needed it the most. Probst says the Villains could stick together against Colby tonight or make a "big move" and keep him to vote out one of their own. "Yeah, there's hope," Colby says, claiming he has been "hustling" at camp. Sandra frowns, both because she has no idea what Colby is talking about and also because that's her default expression. Colby calls Li'l Russell out, saying he tried to convince him to keep Colby and vote out Sandra. "That's a tough sell," Colby admits. Sandra doesn't react, so not threatened is she by this. Colby says that if only Sandra had won immunity instead of Parvati, he could have made a much better case to get rid of Parvati, because everyone is afraid to face her in the finals, while everyone wants to sit to Sandra. And yet, he's trying to convince Li'l Russell to vote Sandra out? Okay, moron. Sandra, meanwhile, finally speaks up, saying "That's news to me" and that she now regrets putting all that effort into packing her things for tonight, since she is apparently a shoo-in to make it to the finals. She then condescendingly pats Colby on the knee and says, "Say what you gotta say."

Probst asks Sandra how much she believes what she hears people say around camp. Sandra says you can't believe anyone in this game. Probst then turns to Parvati and says that, surely, she must trust the people in her tribe that she's been with "from Day One." Parvati says she didn't trust them in the beginning, and she certainly doesn't trust them now, especially with Colby saying that she would have been the one leaving tonight if she hadn't won immunity. So she'll believe Colby but not her own alliance? She says her tribemates have promised her just about everything, but that doesn't mean they'll deliver it. Probst asks Li'l Russell the same question. Li'l Russell says he "hopes" that the alliances he built in the beginning of this game hold up at the end. Probst turns back to Colby and says it looks like the Villains' mistrust of each other is his only hope, then sends Parvati off to vote him out. Colby votes for Sandra. Sandra votes for Colby, her speech to him being, "Today's your day to go home, so, adios," which is by far the nicest vote speech we've seen her give this season, except for her vote for Courtney. Probst reads the votes. No surprise here -- Sandra gets one and Colby gets the rest. He gives Jerri a hug good-bye and exits the game, which he should have done about 30 days ago.

The Final Four return to camp. They celebrate, and then Parvati comments about how Rupert looked like "a crazy serial killer" in the jury, and she was afraid that he would lose it and try to kill them right there at Tribal Council. No, no, Parvati: he'd save that for the Final Tribal Council, when he'd be sure to get the maximum amount of camera time and ratings. Parvati and Jerri agree that Rupert is a lunatic, while Sandra just says, "So what? He wrote my name down. I don't care." Awesome. She's so dismissive, even of someone who I think is sort of her friend and almost definitely has rage issues over what he perceives to be betrayal. Parvati interviews that she was a little surprised to hear that the others consider her to be such a jury threat, and now believes that winning the immunity challenge is do-or-die for her.

The morning, Li'l Russell and Jerri discuss how important it is that one of them wins immunity over Parvati, so they can vote her out. Li'l Russell starts talking about how the jury thinks Parvati is good at strategy, when really he was the one making all the moves. Jerri quickly agrees, saying Parvati was "tucked under [Li'l Russell's] wing the whole time." What, what? Since when do trolls have wings? I think Jerri is confusing Li'l Russell for, like, a wyvern or something. Anyway, this may shock you, but Li'l Russell agrees with Jerri's assessment of his own amazingness. He interviews -- in the same interview that we saw before Colby was voted out, by the way, so who knows when during the game it was actually shot -- that he's now considering voting Parvati out.

Parvati arrives with treemail. It's a map to the stupid boring fallen comrades trail and the instructions, which tells them they will be burning their tribemates' tokens in "the burning man." Parvati and Jerri both giggle about this, no doubt imaging Probst here, and then the Final Four walk to the stupid Rites of Passage. Parvati nicely says in an interview that this was the hardest round of this game she's played and it's "because of the people I played with." She says her fellow contestants "deserve" to be paid respect.

Sugar, of course, gets no respect. The four Villains didn't play with her and only saw her in, like, one challenge. Which she spent most of sans a shirt. So they just say "Sugar" a few times and we get a clip of what was undoubtedly Sugar's finest moment: when she ran to the mat topless and then flipped everyone off. And then some clips of her crying, of course. Thanks for playing, Sugar! I hope your mental health improves! Second is Stephenie. "She was hardcore," says either Jerri or Sandra. Li'l Russell speaks up to say he was "shocked" when the Heroes sent her home so soon. Stephenie says she thinks she was voted out early because her tribemates knew her awesomeness would be a threat, and her "reputation" for being so great at everything was too hard for her to overcome. I think her inability to overcome the fact that she's kind of a bitch also had a hand in that. Randy is third up and the first Villain. Jerri says Randy made her "smile and laugh" and was a "good friend." I bet Randy absolutely hated Jerri and everyone else, because that's the way he is. Randy blames his early boot on not being able to communicate with "26-year-old girls," which he's totally fine with. He does not, however, appreciate it when stupid people control his fate. Dude, you're a wedding videographer. You're not a rocket scientist. You're not even the smartest person in that tribe.

Fourth is Cirie. Oh, how much better this season would have been if she stayed around longer! Also if Li'l Russell fell out of that helicopter and died on the first day! Or wasn't in this season at all in the first place! Sigh. Parvati and Li'l Russell say that Cirie was a surprisingly powerful physical player. Cirie says she wanted to play the game differently this time around, but never got the chance to. Oh, really? Because I really like the way she played before. Maybe it's good that she left early after all. Fifth is Tom. Jerri says he "seemed" trustworthy. Sandra speaks up to say Tom was the first winner to be voted out. That's all Sandra cares about -- who the winners are and when they left, because that directly affects her and her chances. Tom is probably still bitter about being voted out instead of James and his crap knee, but says the game was "worth playing." Sixth is Tyson the big stupid loser moron. Everyone agrees that he was funny. Tyson admits that he was "the victim of [his] own stupidity," but says he's still a winner. Uh huh. Why did they bring him back this season again? And not, like, the WINNER of Season 9, Chris? Or Twila, my favorite? Or ANYONE ELSE?

Speaking of people I never want to see again, there's James. Jerri gives him credit for competing even after he hurt his knee. "When the big guys fall, they fall hard," Parvati just says. Yeah, and when the big guys get a little cut on their finger or aren't able to land on their feet when they jump, they are useless on this show. James claims that he was trying to be more friendly this time around, so I guess screaming your head off at a woman to shut up and stealing your team's banana food supply count as friendly gestures when you're a gravedigger. Eighth is Rob. Li'l Russell is a dick about him, as usual, saying that Rob didn't know who he was messing with. "Leave him alone," Sandra says, remembering how Rob told her that they'd get along because, as an Italian and a Puerto Rican, they were both "loud and ignorant" and she loved him forever after. Rob gives the "new generation" of players credit for being "smarter" (or "smahtah"), as evidenced by the fact that they voted him out. Even though it was actually one of the old generation of players who made that happen. Ninth is Jerri's onetruelove, Coach. Parvati calls him "Benjy." Hee hee hee. And then everyone teases Jerri about him. She bows to Coach and "pays homage" to him, which I'm sure he'll appreciate. "Namaste," Parvati says. Coach says he is "Number 1" in all the contestants on this show people have loved to hate or hated to love or even hated to hate. Sorry, Coach, but that's not true for me anymore! And if you do another one of those amazing DRAGONZ music videos with Courtney and J.T., I might even like to like you. And then he goes off into nonsense land talking about how he inspired others and made them great while at the same time becoming a better man himself, as if Coach thinks it's even possible to be better than he already thinks he is. "I found redemption," he concludes. Yes, he did. In a cheesy yet awesome music video, he absolutely did.

Tenth is Courtney. Parvati calls her "little one." Sandra says she misses her. Me too. Courtney, I feel like our time together was too short. Please, come back to my TV screen somehow. You and Eliza can do a show together where you react awesomely to, like, everything. Oh man, you know what they should do? CourtTV (or TruTV or whatever it's called now) should totally have them do commentating during the live court footage. They could sit in the jury box and be amazing, just like old times! Courtney says she feels like she did the best she could, and she's proud to make it to the jury on an all-star season. Eleventh is J.T. Of course, Li'l Russell must remind us all about how J.T. ruined the game for his tribe. Sandra just says J.T. was the second winner to be voted out. J.T. says he made a big move that ultimately got him voted out with his own idol, which was "beautiful." is Amanda. Parvati reminds us that it was only in her third go-round on this show that she was voted out for the first time. Amanda claims that she's proud of how she played this game but regrets giving Danielle that clue back. And there's a shot of the catfight again, and Colby was amazingly oblivious of that whole thing. He isn't even looking at them! "I'm just not destined to win this game," she sighs.

Candice is , and Sandra is fierce with her, saying she hopes those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches she left the immunity challenge for were worth losing the game. Meanwhile, Sandra stepped down well before Candice did, and for cookies. Of course, the first shot we see of Candice is of her eating that sandwich, and she says that even though she finished in the same spot as she did in her first season, this one meant more because of who she played against. Danielle is fourteenth. Parvati says she misses her and Jerri apologizes for voting her out. Li'l Russell lets everyone know that he is definitely not sorry. Meanwhile, he knows that one person standing there is about to be voted out and will walk right on back to the Loser's Lodge where she can tell everyone what he just said, especially Danielle. Good social game, asshole. Danielle thinks she proved in this game that she's a good person with a heart and not a villain. Even though she was on the Villain tribe. And got in a catfight with Amanda. And if you don't want people to think you're an asshole, don't go on this show in the first place.

Rupert is . Parvati makes fun of him and his pirate obsession. Sandra tries to do it too, saying "Arrrg, me toe!" but it's not as good as Parvati's. Also, she immediately turns sincere (I think) and says she hopes his toe gets better. I hope it does, too, so he can shut up about it. Rupert thinks he played the game really well and deserves his stupid meaningless hero title. Finally, we get to Colby. Li'l Russell calls him "the real true Hero of them all." Yeah, because he didn't do anything that could be labeled evil because HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AT ALL. Colby reminds us how bad he was at the challenges but says at least he outlasted his entire tribe. And then, they actually made a big wooden man on the beach. They stick all the name tokens in its mouth and set it on fire. And then they all stare at it while stupid epic music plays.

Finally, it's time for the last immunity challenge. The contestants arrive outside a giant maze. This challenge was taken from the Amazon season, but it's not that one where they had to rip meat off a hook with just their teeth. Too bad. Sandra pays close attention to Probst's explanation as if she has a chance at winning this thing, and the players get their blindfolds on and get going. They immediately run into each other and, in Parvati's case, a waist-high wall. All four contestants head for the closest necklace box, no doubt having memorized its location before they had to put blindfolds on. Li'l Russell and Jerri get their first necklaces quickly, followed by Parvati. Sandra, meanwhile, can't find the box despite being like two feet away from it. Oops. Instead, she happens upon Parvati and grabs her face. "OW!" Parvati squeals. Undaunted, Sandra totally grabs for her necklace, trying to untie it from around her neck to take it for herself. "Sandra! That's me!" Parvati says. "Oh," Sandra shrugs, like she didn't know. Probst laughs. "Geez!" Parvati says, kind of adorably. Less adorably, Li'l Russell approaches the second necklace box. Sandra finally finds her first necklace and is, of course, pissed off that she didn't get it sooner. Li'l Russell gets his second necklace. Jerri and Parvati both stumble upon their second boxes and get their necklaces. Parvati celebrates by nailing her hip on another wall. And then another one. "Parvati banging into all kinds of dead ends!" Probst calls out. "It HURTS," Parvati whines. Meanwhile, Jerri manages to get her third necklace without injuring herself.

Parvati quickly gets her third necklace as well. Probst announces it, and Sandra knows Parvati is nearby and calls out to her to tell her where she is so Sandra can get a second necklace. Parvati doesn't sound like she's into the Marco Polo game Sandra is playing, but Sandra is able to follow the sound of her voice to the box anyway and gets a second necklace. She then walks into Li'l Russell and grabs at him. I'm not sure if she's trying to figure out who it is or get in his way so he won't win or just hoping she can kill him without being convicted because she had a blindfold on. It doesn't work, as he shuffles past her and gets his third necklace. Li'l Russell manages to walk into Parvati, and then places his hand on her ass so he can simply follow her to the last box. They both get their final necklaces at the same time, and now it's a race to the finish. There's some jostling and slapping between them as Jerri gets her last necklace. The three head for the finish, and Sandra appears to be following Parvati for some reason. Parvati gets out of the maze first, but still has to walk up and grab the necklace. As she's looking for that, Li'l Russell gets out of the maze and finds the rope that makes up the wall of the outer section. Instead of following it to the necklace, he lets go and wanders around near the necklace aimlessly. I don't want him to get it. But it doesn't really matter if he doesn't or doesn't -- they'd be crazy not to take him the Final Three when the jury hates him so much. He isn't going anywhere. Ever. Somehow, Jerri, Li'l Russell, and Parvati all end up right by the pole with the necklace on it. It's a nailbiter! Jerri figures out to just follow the rope, but Li'l Russell is on the other side, and he has also realized this. He manages to get to the necklace when Jerri is just inches away from it and Parvati just a few feet. Probst announces the winner, and they remove their blindfolds to see how close they were. "That was fun. Very fun!" Jerri says. Meanwhile, Sandra is still in the maze with just two necklaces, and says: "No, it wasn't. It sucked. It was awful." Probst congratulates the group on one of the closest-ever challenges and asks Li'l Russell to step forward. Li'l Russell has removed the immunity necklace because he insists that Probst put it on him personally to make his win "official." During the slow-mo challenge exit montage, Parvati interviews that she's not feeling 100% confident that she'll make it to the Final Three.

The group return to camp. Jerri interviews that she's sure Parvati is going home tonight, and she'll be thrilled to see her go. Li'l Russell and Sandra take off to talk in the woods, which must be a ton of fun for both of them. Li'l Russell informs Sandra that she's in a "real good spot." Sandra asks what he means: "Parvati's in the same spot I'm in." By which she means that Parvati is a former winner, just like Sandra, and so is desirable to go up against at the Final Tribal Council. I think Li'l Russell is so sure Sandra won't get votes because he thinks she didn't play at all this season and that the jury will care about that. Sandra says she knew going into this game that a jury would never let her win again, so she's happy to play for second place. That's exactly what Li'l Russell wants to hear (and, I believe, Sandra knows this), and he interviews that his choice on who to vote out tonight is between Jerri and Parvati, because he doesn't see Sandra getting any votes except for "maybe" one from Courtney. Yes, he thinks that the girl who has been giving Sandra air-fistbumps from the jury box for the past month only "might" vote for her. He tells Sandra that he wants her in the end because he can beat her, "straight up." Sandra says she'll be happy with $100,000, and they bump fists. But not like Sandra and Courtney bump fists, of course. Sandra interviews that since Li'l Russell has the idol tonight, she'll go along with whoever he wants to vote out. "Russell's keeping me around because I'll never get a single vote. But I don't know about that!" Sandra says. I think she knows exactly what's going on and how the jury feels about her and her opponents. Li'l Russell has no clue. Who do you think is better at this game?

Li'l Russell tells Jerri they're set to vote out Parvati tonight. Parvati will vote for Jerri, Li'l Russell says. Jerri doesn't seem to like that, but the thought of being in danger flies right out of her head immediately and she prematurely celebrates making it to the Final Three. Parvati approaches with her hands full of coconuts and takes Li'l Russell with her for "a walk." Jerri still doesn't seem to think that's a problem. Li'l Russell tells Parvati he wants to go to the end with Sandra over Jerri. Parvati isn't so sure that's a good idea, pointing out that she'll get votes from Amanda, Candice, and Courtney "at least." Li'l Russell says he wants Jerri on the jury because she'll vote for him. Anyone who thinks that Li'l Russell played a better game than Parvati can watch this clip and see who had a better read on the how the jury would vote. Li'l Russell takes Parvati's desire to get rid of Sandra to mean that she's afraid she can't even win against her. And if Parvati doesn't think she can beat Sandra, Li'l Russell says, then she "surely can't beat" him. He thinks she's just playing for second place. Just like Sandra (and Natalie last season), she's happy to let him think that. He tells Parvati that his "best strategic move" is to keep Sandra and Jerri in the game and vote her out. Parvati disagrees with that immediately, although not so much because it means she gets 4th place, but because she's sure Sandra would beat Li'l Russell and Jerri. Li'l Russell says he could convince the jury to vote for him because the other two finalists didn't do anything in the game, and the jury is sure to reward him for that. Li'l Russell interviews that he had "a hard decision" to make tonight. Okay, WHY is he the only person deciding this vote when there are FOUR people voting? They did the same thing earlier when Colby was voted out. Have Parvati and Jerri even spoken? Has anyone but Li'l Russell spoken to Sandra? What the hell? "I suffered way too much in this game not to win it," he says. Yes, well, I suffered way too much watching him for two seasons to watch him win.

The Final Four arrive at Tribal Council. Probst starts with Jerri, asking her what went down when they got back after the challenge. Jerri says that usually after challenges, she goes off to sit by herself and reflect (nap) about the day's events, but this time she thought it would be best to stick around. Probst asks Sandra the same question. Sandra says she went right up to the one person she knows is not going home tonight and told him why he should keep her and how few votes she'll get from the jury. "One, if that," she says. I think she knows she'll get more, but unlike some people who readily tell anyone who will listen how many votes he thinks he'll get and from who, she keeps that information to herself. She says she knew Li'l Russell was already thinking about keeping her for an easy Final Tribal Council opponent, since he tells her "all the time" how impossible it will be for her to win. Jerri and Parvati crack up. Li'l Russell tries to deny this to the jury, saying "you never know" and Sandra "could easily possibly win." He says tonight's decision is important (duh) and he's going to have to break his alliance with someone. He's voting for whoever is most likely to beat him in the end. We cut to a shot of Colby looking either stern or half-asleep. Why do we even have to acknowledge his existence anymore?

Probst asks Parvati if she's worried without immunity. Parvati says she does feel "vulnerable," especially since she thinks she played a "good strategic game" and that makes her a jury threat. Probst asks Jerri why Li'l Russell should keep her. Jerri says it's more like Li'l Russell shouldn't keep Parvati, because she's strong and popular. Probst turns back to Parvati and asks her why Li'l Russel should keep her. Parvati says Li'l Russell should try to "redeem" himself by staying loyal to her, since she's "protected" him the entire game. Of course, Li'l Russell objects to that. "We've been protecting each other," Parvati corrects herself. Sounds fair to me, but not to Li'l Russell, who grunts. Parvati has to ask him if he has a different opinion, and he says yes, he thinks he protected her. "We've been protecting each other," Parvati repeats. Jerri, meanwhile, is very much enjoying this, as her chances of making it to the Final Three just got that much better. Parvati doesn't back down, saying she never went against Li'l Russell, despite having many opportunities to do so. Probst asks Li'l Russell how he feels seeing Parvati refuse to kiss his ass. Li'l Russell admits that it "annoys" him. Probst asks Li'l Russell what his post-challenge experience was like, since he had immunity. Li'l Russell says everyone approached him at one point or another with good reasons to stay in the game. Probst points out that all three women are smiling right now. Parvati and Jerri are, but not Sandra, of course. Probst says it's time to vote.

Parvati votes for Jerri. Jerri votes for Parvati. What's funny about their votes is despite the fact that they pretty much hated each other in the beginning of the season (or at least, Jerri hated Parvati. Parvati didn't seem to care about Jerri one way or the other, really), they're both friendly in their votes, with Parvati saying she's sorry, but it's either her or Jerri tonight, and Jerri saying she has "mad respect" for Parvati. We don't see who Li'l Russell votes for, but he says it's someone he's been loyal to "this entire game" but needs to put on the jury to win. Sounds like he's talking about Parvati, so it's probably Jerri. Probst returns with the urn. The first vote is for Parvati. Then Jerri. One more for Jerri, and then one for "Jerry" because Li'l Russell is almost as bad at spelling people's names as Sue "Souna" Hawk. I know Jerri's name has an unusual spelling, but if you're any kind of a fan of this show, you know it has an "i." Anyway, I'm not sure what Li'l Russell's rationale was in voting her off over Parvati or why he seemingly changed his mind from earlier. Maybe he thought his chances of winning were best if he was sitting to two former winners? Jerri gives Li'l Russell a hug, saying "I can't wait to hear this story later." Probst snuffs her torch and she's gone. Probst says the Final Three have gone as far as they can in this game, which is now in the hands of the jury. Amanda reacts to this news with a slack jaw, as usual.

Jerri's good-bye speech begins with "CRAP!" Hee hee. She says she was so close and so sure she was going to make it to the end. She's thinking of voting for Li'l Russell for the million because he played an "amazing game" and his decisions "make sense -- except tonight!" The fact that she's planning on voting for him shows that his decision actually did make sense, and is one of the few times that he read a jury member accurately.

The Final Three return to camp. Parvati and Li'l Russell celebrate how far they've come in the game, while Sandra says she is ready to get the hell out of there and see her kids and dog. She interviews that although she's trying to focus on the game, she can't help think about her family, especially her husband in Afghanistan. And that, I think, is where you know she's won it. They're not going to remind us that she has a husband in Afghanistan, kids and a dog, and then give a million dollars to a fat little man who lied about his dog dying in Hurricane Katrina. Back at camp, Sandra decides to go to bed. Parvati and Li'l Russell are shocked to hear that she'll leave them alone together. Sandra says she no longer has to hang out with them in order to make sure they aren't talking about voting her out, which is most likely the only reason why she ever went near Li'l Russell in the first place. Sandra continues in her interview that it's hard being in Samoa instead of talking to her husband, but she has a "gut feeling" he's okay, and she has to focus on the game in order to get the million-dollar prize she came here for that will make her family's life easier. "This is how I hustle; this is how I make my money. I come and play Survivor. That's what I know how to do, that's what I'm best at. Coming out here, getting my money, going home. Simple as that."

The morning, it's finally Day 39! Li'l Russell makes sure to interview that he made it to the end of the game again, and he is so incredible and talented and amazing to do so. Meanwhile, Parvati and Sandra have now done the same exact thing, except they won it at the end. Li'l Russell lost, so he's in the company of Amanda. Very impressive. The three run to treemail to get their breakfast feast, which is pretty much the same food they got in the merge feast. Not like they're complaining. As they prepare and eat their meal, Li'l Russell continues to tell us how last season, he brought two people to the end he thought he could beat because they were "weak players." "And I didn't," he says. Except that we know he didn't know he'd lost until after he filmed this season, so obviously there was some clever editing in there. Li'l Russell maintains that this time around, he's bringing people that "other people don't like" to the finals, as Parvati has enemies on the jury, and Sandra "didn't do nothing" and is only in the finals because of how easy she'll be to beat. Does he not realize that he has more enemies on that jury than both Parvati and Sandra combined? How can he say that it's part of his game plan to bring people to the end that the jury won't like and thus won't vote for and not realize how much they hate him, too?

The three lie down after finishing their meal. Sandra and Parvati just want to enjoy feeling full, but Li'l Russell is still in game mode, and asks Parvati who she would have voted for if she was in the jury. Parvati says she would have voted for Sandra. Li'l Russell says he would have voted for Parvati. Yes, and that's why he gave her two immunity idols and she gave him zero immunity idols, and didn't tell him about the one she got on her own. That's also why, I believe, Parvati is still in this game and Jerri is not: Jerri probably told Li'l Russell that she'd vote for him and Parvati made it clear that she wouldn't. Li'l Russell can't believe Parvati wouldn't vote for him after he said he would have voted for her (which, by the way, I can safely say that he wouldn't. If Parvati got to the end and he didn't, he'd be the most bitter and awful jury member we've ever seen and his vote would be just as -- if not more -- petty as all those jurors he accuses of having sour grapes), but she insists she would have voted for Sandra. Aw, I think his little feelings are hurt. Parvati interviews that she has played this game for 114 days, making her both crazy and one of the best players in Survivor history. Meanwhile, Li'l Russell is still trying to convince Parvati that he deserves her theoretical vote, saying he played the same game as her, although his was "a little stronger." Parvati denies this, saying "my game was not like yours. Not at all." Li'l Russell says she'll hear what he thinks of her game at Tribal Council. Parvati doesn't care and can't be bullied. Unfortunately, Li'l Russell has voted out all the people in this game he could push around and is left with Parvati and Sandra, who could both rip him to shreds if they had half a chance. Perhaps sensing this, he gets up and leaves. Parvati interviews that she "embraced" her villain side in this game and she played hard and she wants to win. But she doesn't tell us about her family or pets, so we know she won't.

As soon as Li'l Russell is out of earshot, Sandra stops pretending to be asleep and turns to Parvati. "He's so full of it," Parvati says. "He don't know what it's like to be up against two chicks," Sandra laughs. Fistbump! I love how Li'l Russell thinks he's striking fear into their hearts with his ominous words about what he'll say about them at Tribal Council, and they just think it's funny. And that's when Sandra sees that Li'l Russell walked away and left his hat behind. "I'm gonna burn his hat," she says. Parvati loves it and dares her to do it. They're both giggling. I think they might have had a little too much champagne in their mimosas. Sandra mutters something about Li'l Russell and his "bald-headed ass" having to go to Tribal Council and grabs the hat. As she approaches the fire, she asks Parvati if she'll tell on her. Parvati says no way. Not like that would stop Sandra anyway. She tosses the hat in the fire and calmly walks away. "That's how much game I got," she says. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" says Parvati and me and the rest of us who hate what Li'l Russell and the producers who couldn't get enough of him did to this show for the last two seasons. Sandra isn't done yet, though! She interviews: "Russell is obnoxious. So I took his hat and I threw it in the fire. I don't care. He can take his bald-headed tail to Tribal Council, it'll be all right. He can wear his buff on his head. He has a big bald patch right here he doesn't want anybody to know about. But we've been here for 39 days, I've seen it a whoooooole ton of times. Screw it. That's payback for everything he's done to me in this game. I don't care." And as much as I love Sandra, I would probably criticize her for what she just did were it not for the fact that Li'l Russell did this exact same thing to Jaison's socks and called it "gameplay" and thought he was the greatest player this game had ever seen because of it. It is absolutely delicious to watch the tables get turned on him. I'll bet Jaison is watching this right now and starting, like, ten Sandra fan clubs on Facebook. If, that is, he actually watched Survivor. Which I don't think he does. I hope he'll make an exception for this clip, and save it on his phone so he can watch it over and over and over again wherever he goes.

And now, the payoff. Li'l Russell returns to camp and looks for his hat. "Have y'all seen my hat?" he asks. "No," Sandra says; "did you pack it?" "I thought I left it there," Li'l Russell says. "Oh," Sandra shrugs. Parvati just lies on the tarp and enjoys it. Sandra interviews that all Li'l Russell wants out of this game is the title of "Sole Survivor," so that's what she is going to make sure he doesn't get. Back on the beach, Li'l Russell is still looking for his hat and threatening not to go to Tribal until he finds it. Sandra says they have to leave soon, then looks directly at the camera conspiratorially. Tee hee hee. She says she spent every day of this game trying to get rid of Li'l Russell. If only that were true and if only some of the others felt the same way, we could have been rid of this guy months ago. Sigh. Also, do we REALLY have to devote the pre-Final Tribal speeches to Li'l Russell? Like, could we hear from Sandra about things other than Li'l Russell? Or hear from Parvati at all other than that one sentence? This is pathetic. Parvati lights the shelter on fire as Sandra interviews that the Heroes she tried to align with to get rid of Li'l Russell screwed themselves over by siding with him instead, and she had to work and scheme every day to make sure that she left Tribal Council still in the game, because she didn't have an immunity necklace to hide behind. "I never had safety. I had to take care of myself," she says. Well, except for last week when she had the hidden idol to play, not like she needed it. "And yet, here I sit. Final Three. I think I deserve it. I want the title of Sole Survivor," she says. Once again, we've heard so much from Sandra and so little from Parvati and even Li'l Russell that how could she not win? With that, they set off for Tribal Council, Li'l Russell forced to wear his buff to cover his baldness.

The Final Three arrive at the Final Tribal Council. I'm just so happy. In just under a half-hour (well, an hour and a half including the reunion), I will be free of Li'l Russell until the all-star season! The jury walks in. Coach puts his hands together and bows at the Final Three, because he's faux-spiritual like that. Rupert is wearing his formal tie-dye tank top for this special occasion. And Jerri's bra is showing and she's wearing too much makeup. Probst tells Sandra to make her opening speech first. She tells the jury that she's had to scramble in this game since her Villain alliance fell apart and that, after the merge, she tried three different times to get rid of Li'l Russell and help the Heroes. Everything she did in this game, she says, was to keep herself in it. "And I did that by myself," she concludes, showing Probst that she is finished speaking by glaring at him. Li'l Russell is . He says that some people say this is a game of luck, but not in his case. He played it really hard and doesn't understand why people in jury are looking like him "like [he] did something wrong." Candice smirks, as she knows that Li'l Russell has no concept of human emotions, or, at least, the emotions of humans other than Li'l Russell. Rupert rolls his eyes. Li'l Russell says he apologizes if he offended anyone, but that's how he played the game. Parvati flatters the jury first by saying she knew she'd be playing with 20 all-stars but didn't realize that everyone would perceive her as a threat. With so many people gunning for her, she says, she had to "put a line of defense together," and she did that by making Li'l Russell her "dragon." Cut to Coach, who shakes his head disapprovingly at her use of his silly terms. That, or he knows that Li'l Russell will never be a true dragon, by which I of course mean a member of the GREATEST BAND ever to hit the music scene, THE DRAGONZ. If they don't play during the reunion show, by the way, then something is very, very wrong. Parvati continues that instead of slaying her dragon, she "kept him as [her] pet." Candice enjoys this. Li'l Russell does not. Colby smiles for, like, the first time all season. "He displayed his loyalty to me and only to me," she says. Ouch. Damn, Parvati can be a cold-hearted bitch, can't she? It's why she's so good at this! She concludes that she thinks she played the ultimate social, strategic and physical game this season.

And now, it's time for the jury to ask their questions. Colby goes first. He asks Li'l Russell if he's serious that luck didn't play a part in how he got this far. Colby is almost trying to help Li'l Russell out here, I think, and give him a chance to act humble and gracious like the jury wants him to, but Li'l Russell won't do that. Instead, he says that yes, luck played no part in his game and it was all his "strategic play." I don't understand how "strategic play" gets you 7 hidden immunity idols or destroys James's knee, but whatever. "You are delusional if you think you can make it all the way to the end of this game without any luck," Colby says, then moves on to Parvati, asking her what she did to keep herself in the game besides win challenges, as if that wasn't a huge part of his game in his first season. Parvati says she was targeted by everyone starting from the beginning of the game, and is sitting here at the end "against God's plan, basically." She says she knows J.T. wanted her out because he wrote it down in the note that she just cleverly reminded the jury Li'l Russell showed her, just in case any of the Heroes were considering voting for him. She points out that she made a big risky play when she gave both of her immunity idols away to keep her alliance intact, even after Amanda told her she was the target and should play the idol for herself. Not only did she protect her alliance with that move, but she also ensured Jerri and Sandra's loyalty to her. Colby apparently has nothing to say to Sandra, so he wishes them luck and sits down.

Coach is . He makes his big speech, calling Parvati "the charmer and also the manipulator," Li'l Russell "the schemer but also the liar," and Sandra "the coattail rider." Which she isn't, but whatever. He uses Rob's words on Li'l Russell, just like Li'l Russell's been doing since Rob was voted out, calling him a "little man in stature and also in word." Do you guys think Coach practiced this speech in front of a mirror at least 48 times before Tribal Council? I do. Coach says that if Li'l Russell came to this Tribal Council contrite and admitting that he crossed some lines, he could very well win it. Again, someone on the jury is kind of trying to help Li'l Russell to get some votes here, or at least teach him something about how to interact with people, but it all goes over his head, like most things. Those rulers in front of carnival rides that say you must be this tall to ride them, for instance. Coach then turns to Sandra and calls her "useless in challenges" and rambles on about how he played with strength, honor and integrity (uh, except for that one time when he broke his promises to both Rob AND Li'l Russell by voting for Courtney) and wishes he was sitting at the end instead of her. Well, he isn't, because Sandra got him voted out. Ha ha ha. Coach finally addresses Parvati, saying he thought she would be weak in challenges, but he was wrong. He now believes she is a "warrior." But, he says, the same day he finally trusted her was the day she "turned" on him and voted him out. Finally, he tells the three that he doesn't know who he's voting for tonight and will make his decision based on what happens. He takes his responsibility as a jury member "quite seriously." I wonder how much of that they had to cut out. I bet he spoke for, like, three hours.

Amanda goes . She asks Sandra how her strategy was better than Li'l Russell's or Parvati's. Sandra says she actually wishes her strategy was better, so she could have gotten rid of Li'l Russell. But every Hero she went to to try to take Li'l Russell down and keep the Heroes in the game, they turned her down and let him take them out one by one. Li'l Russell finally speaks up, asking Sandra if her strategy worked. "It didn't work for me. It just never panned out," she says. Li'l Russell probably thinks he's got this in the bag now, what with Sandra admitting her strategic failures and him telling the jury about his strategic supremacy. "I could never get Heroes on my side," she says. Basically, Sandra has realized something that Li'l Russell and even Parvati (to a lesser extent) didn't: how much this jury hates Li'l Russell. And she is going to use that to her advantage and paint herself as the anti-Li'l Russell while Li'l Russell tells them how awesome he is and Parvati admits to being part of the reason why he's there at the end and they aren't

Courtney stands up . She congratulates the Final Three on making it to the end, singling out her "two Villainesses" for special praise. She tells Parvati that she played a great, strong game, but Sandra is her girl and she wants the jury to know that Sandra has a great quality that is very important in this game: she's "loyal as hell." She wants Sandra to tell the jury that something they might perceive as a weakness is really a strength, and it's something Sandra did in her first season and again in this one. Sandra says that when she picks someone to be loyal to, she's loyal to him until the end. She was loyal to Courtney from the beginning of the game, and would go "bananas" if she heard anything about her going home. Nice callback to the bananas, Sandra. It's important that the jury remembers how important bananas were in this game. Because they were. Ridiculously so. "I love you, girl!" Sandra says. "I love you, girl," Courtney responds. "All right," Sandra says. The fact that Courtney loves Sandra so much tells me that Sandra is, indeed, awesome. Because Courtney is awesome. This is mathematically true, according to the transitive property of awesomeness. Probst tells Courtney to take a seat. "Thanks, Jeffrey," she says. Hee hee hee.

J.T. gets to speak . He tells Li'l Russell that getting to the end of the game is only "half" of a good strategy -- you have to win, too. He asks Li'l Russell if he thinks he did a good job making sure that the people he voted out are willing to vote for him now. Li'l Russell says that yes, he truly believes that everyone on this jury will respect his amazing gameplay, especially since they've played this game before. "I might not get anybody's vote," he then says, but he played the only way he apparently knows how in order to make it to the end. Candice looks confused. Li'l Russell's problem is that he doesn't seem to realize that the jury doesn't hate him because he voted them out or that he made moves that got them voted out -- they hate him because of all the other stuff he did that was not necessary to the game or to getting people voted out. He was such an asshole that they can't get past it to "reward" him for however well he might have played. Frankly, I can't get past it to say anything positive about him or the things he did in this game, and I know he must have made some good moves. Not as good as he thinks, and if he didn't have amazing luck he would have been out a long time ago, but still. I'm sure he played this game well enough in certain respects. But I hate him so much that I just can't see it. J.T. asks Parvati "how you think you done." Parvati says she was a "huge threat" from the first day of this game, while Sandra was "kind of a sleeper." HA! You should never consider someone who WON this game to be a "sleeper." Especially when that's PART OF HER STRATEGY. What is the matter with these people? Parvati thinks Sandra gave just 50 or 60 percent in challenges, and after the merge, no one ever thought of voting her out. But Parvati was always a target, so she had to work hard to win immunity every time. J.T. asks Sandra if it's true that she only gave 50 percent in challenges. Sandra laughs and says that she gave her all in every challenge, but she's not a "physical person." "I know that," J.T. says. Okay, buddy. I didn't exactly see you winning challenges, either. Sandra then says she wishes she had known that J.T. was going to give the idol to Li'l Russell, because she would have taken it and given it right back to J.T. and warned him about Li'l Russell. "Me too!" Parvati says, now realizing that she should be distancing herself from Li'l Russell. J.T. doesn't want to talk about his mistakes, though, saying he screwed up and that's okay. He's not out for vengeance here. Li'l Russell is happy to hear this, saying that everyone else seems to think he's evil, and all he did was play this game. But J.T. is not exactly on Li'l Russell's side. "I'll lay in my bed, lay in yours," J.T. says. Li'l Russell tries to speak, but J.T. cuts him off and sits down.

And now, it's time for Danielle. Bitter, bitter Danielle. She has nothing nice to say to Li'l Russell, of course, saying "it's clear that there's been a lack of skill in your jury management," then asking if he would change anything about his game based on what he's heard from the jury thus far. Of course he wouldn't! He says he doesn't regret anything because playing like this is what got him to the Final Three. "I'm not gonna sit here and tell you what you wanna hear," he says. He thinks she wants him to say he wouldn't have voted her out. I don't know if that's the case. I think she -- along with everyone else -- wants to hear Li'l Russell be, like, a human being and apologize for the unnecessary stuff he did to them. Which he won't, because at this point I think he truly believes that everything he did was necessary. That, or he realizes that nothing he can say will make a difference. "You're not gonna get any votes. Nobody respects the way that you played the game, Russell," Danielle says. "I wouldn't change anything and I don't regret it," he says. "Okay. That's too bad," she says.

Jerri claims that she is "100% undecided" on who to vote for tonight and asks Li'l Russell why he voted her out instead of Parvati, as planned. Li'l Russell says his plan was indeed to keep Jerri, but then when he thought about it, he decided it would be a better "strategic move" to keep Parvati and vote Jerri out, because he thought Jerri would win more jury votes because she was so nice to everyone. Way to be sort of humble that one time, Li'l Russell. If he had been able to even fake that a few more times tonight, he might have gotten one vote. And also, we have Parvati there to speak up and say that Li'l Russell told her he was voting Jerri out to get her vote on the jury. "He wanted you on the jury," Parvati says. Jerri's eyes bulge slightly. "He knows he's getting your vote tonight," Parvati says. "And it makes sense," Li'l Russell mumbles. "You know what they say about assuming," Jerri says. "It makes an ass out of u and me," Parvati finishes. Jerri then turns to Sandra and says that, despite her claim that she's so honest with people, she blindsided Jerri. But she doesn't actually have a question with that, and Sandra has nothing to say.

Candice congratulates the Final Three before turning to Li'l Russell and saying that people lie in this game, but he went "too far" and told "dirty lies. Lies that you didn't need to tell. And you hurt people doing that." Li'l Russell won't lose because the jury is bitter. He didn't lose last season because the jury was bitter. He lost because he was a horrible person to everyone, delighted in making his tribemates miserable, and then expected them to get over it and vote for him. Candice then accuses Parvati of being "under Russell's thumb" for the entire game and compares their relationship to an abusive marriage. Parvati smiles and shakes her head, but Candice continues that she was waiting for Parvati to make a move and cut Li'l Russell off and get out of that alliance. "I wanted it so bad for you," she says; "I like you, but I can't support that." She says she'll be basing her vote tonight on how the remaining contestants treated people. "It's not just what you stand for. It's what you fall for, too," she says. Very insightful, but I should point out that Candice fell for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And that she had a chance to make a move against Li'l Russell but chose to align with him instead.

And finally, we've got Rupert. Well, this should be annoying. And self-righteous. He tells Li'l Russell that being honest and good and true in this game is hard. Being a lying, manipulative asshole is easy. Yes, it is, when you're sociopath who doesn't care about other people's feelings. "You took the easy way out. And if you think you should be proud of how you got here, you're sadly mistaken," he lectures. Oh. Well. I kind of agree with Rupert here. Mostly in that as proud as Li'l Russell is of how he played and got to the end, he really shouldn't be, because it had nothing to do with his own gameplay and everything to do with the fact that everyone else wanted to take him to the end because he's so horrible that anyone could beat him. Rupert then turns to Sandra and says that her answers tonight have made him feel "even worse" about the way he played the game. HUH? Self-awareness from Rupert? It can't be that much, as he's still wearing a stupid tie-dyed tank top, but still. Oh, wait. He says it's not his fault that he aligned with Li'l Russell over Sandra -- he was "swayed by a disgusting human being." Yes, a disgusting human being named "Rupert's self-interest and hypocrisy." He says Sandra tried open the door for the Heroes, but they slammed it in her face over and over again. So he's going to thank her on behalf of all the Heroes on the jury tonight. "You're welcome," Sandra says, tearing up. Maybe some of those tears are guilt because of how, you know, she made him look like an idiot in her speech when she voted him out. Rupert addresses Parvati last, calling her a "very, very strong player" but she aligned herself with "terrible." Like, Rupert doesn't even have a noun for Li'l Russell anymore. Either that, or it was bleeped. Parvati defends herself, saying she didn't have a choice in who to align with -- on Day One, seven people on her tribe wanted to vote her out. Rupert says that, despite her alliance with Li'l Russell, she deserves a vote tonight because she worked hard to get to the end, as evidenced by the fact that he couldn't beat her in immunity challenges. "You deserve to be in the Final Three," he says, if only to imply that Li'l Russell does not.

And that's it! Probst gives the jury a moment to think about their vote. As nice as this Li'l Russell hate parade was to watch, I'd much rather not have seen it at all. And that Li'l Russell wasn't on this season. Or the last one. His downfall in the Final Tribal Council does not make up for him being front and center in every single episode. After a commercial, it's time to vote. Jerri goes first. "This is absolutely insane," she tells the camera, as she has no idea who to vote for. She does know who she isn't voting for -- Li'l Russell. Ha! I really think Parvati's statement about Li'l Russell assuming he had her vote screwed him out of the only vote he could have possibly gotten. "I am perplexed," she says. But then she immediately votes for Parvati, so I guess she figured it out pretty quickly. Candice votes for Sandra, calling her a "true hero" because she worked hard and put her family first. Danielle votes for Parvati because she's in love with her, and also because she thinks she deserves a million dollars just for having to put up with Li'l Russell. Courtney votes for Sandra, saying, of course, "fistbump, girl." And then my DVR cuts off because the people who edit this show couldn't fit it all into two freaking hours so we have to carry it over into reunion time. Yuck. Can't they just once have a reunion show that isn't rushed and awful? We don't see who Colby votes for, because he doesn't matter. Coach takes a moment to be very serious about voting before writing down Parvati's name. Wow, he voted for a woman! I'm shocked. He says, again, that she was a warrior, places the vote in the urn, and says, "King Arthur's journey is officially ended." Wait, does he think he's King Arthur now? Wasn't he a knight of Li'l Russell's round table? Making Li'l Russell the King Arthur? Coach's mythology is impossible to follow. As he turns to leave, they play that bird call sound effect Coach always gets and cut to a shot of the night sky. Has anyone in this game ever gotten his own sound effect? As she predicted, Rupert votes for Sandra, saying he's "honored" to write her name down again. "Love you," he says, staring creepily into the camera. We don't see who Amanda votes for, because, again, she does not count. And did we even see J.T. vote? Anyway, unless he, Colby, and Amanda voted for Li'l Russell, it's between Sandra and Parvati for the win tonight, which means we'll have our first two-time winner of this game. Pretty impressive. Probst takes the urn, thanks the contestants for what he believes was a great game, and leaves. Once again, we don't get a sweet montage of Probst traveling back to New York. I was hoping that for this, the 20th season, we'd get something special, but no.

Probst walks on stage in New York City. Our Final Three are all looking very nice all cleaned up. Even Li'l Russell, I guess. Although he's wearing a giant cross necklace to show us that he's not a horrible evil person because he loves God. As usual, Parvati looks better when she's not wearing a face full of makeup and those weird giant heavy lashes that cause her eyes to half-close like she's stoned. And Sandra, of course, looks amazing. Ew, we've got some former contestants/douchebags in the audience -- I see Charlie; also, that horrible woman from the same season who made fun of people's dead dads; and Johnny Fairplay, who has gained a lot of weight. Sandra's family is out in full force with their Puerto Rican flags, seated just in front of Parvati's creepy dad. There's Li'l Russell's wife, who is still apparently married to him despite everything and is dressed much classier than she was at the last reunion show. Probst revels in the applause for a while, then says -- as he does every season -- that this was "one of, if not the greatest season" of this show. Even though it wasn't.

Finally, Probst reads the votes. Parvati gets the first vote. Sandra gets the second. Parvati gets the third. Li'l Russell has to know by now that he did not get a single vote. Good. Try not to cry this time, loser. Sandra gets another vote, tying it at 2-2. Also, 0 for Li'l Russell. Parvati gets a third vote. Sandra gets a third vote. These are the votes we saw before, so now it's time to see who the winner is. "Two votes left," Prost says accidentally. There are three votes left, but now, thanks to his mistake, we know the two votes are for the same person so there won't be a reason to read the third. And the is for Sandra. Sure enough, she gets the fifth and the final one she needs to win this game again. Yay! Parvati gives her a hug, as does Li'l Russell, who may have finally learned something about being a good sport and leaving the game behind. Or maybe he just wants to be on camera some more. Sandra heads out to the audience to embrace her family. Hey, is that Uncle Fernando back there? And there's her hot husband, back from Afghanistan. And we get a shot of the folks in Sandra's hometown celebrating her SECOND victory. Woohoo! Norwalk, Connecticut! I love your aquarium! Of course, Rupert has to be front and center, giving Sandra a big loud hug. And out come the rest of the contestants. You have to love the boldness with which Stephenie deviates from the path I'm sure she was instructed to take, walking in front of the fire and to Probst as he tries to talk to the camera and waving hugely at the audience, like they came out here to see her. Stephenie freaking loves herself.

And that's it! up -- the reunion show, where I'm sure Sandra will get no time to talk despite winning TWICE, just so we can hear from the guy who lost again. Congratulations, Sandra! She won this game before immunity idols existed, and she won it again with them. Even if you hate her and think she didn't do anything worthy of winning, the fact is that she did win -- twice -- so I think you have to give her credit for being one of the best players this game has ever seen, as well as one of the most entertaining to watch. Fistbump!

See what made the cut in this list of TV's 50 most shocking moments ever.

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You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.