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The loved ones show up this week for the reward challenge, which Jerri and her sister win. They elect to take Parvati, Parvati's dad, Sandra, and Sandra's uncle with them, leaving Li'l Russell behind to whine about it and try to form a new alliance with Rupert and Colby. He wants Parvati to go , but Jerri's worried that he'll target her for not taking him on the reward. He won't, but only because he needs her to vote for Parvati, like she'd really do that when there are still two Heroes left in the game and also she just invited Parvati on the reward with her. The immunity challenge is another endurance contest, which Colby loses less than fifteen seconds into it. He then disappears for the rest of the episode. Rupert comes in second to Parvati once again, which means Li'l Russell's plans to vote her out go up in smoke. Meanwhile, Sandra still wants Li'l Russell gone, so she tries to convince Rupert to vote for him. Rupert, however, turns around and tells Li'l Russell all about it, because Rupert is a moron. So Li'l Russell runs straight to Sandra and asks if she's with him or against him. "I'm against you," she says. It was awesome. And then Parvati makes fun of Li'l Russell for stealing Rob's line and she and Sandra spend the rest of the afternoon lying in the shelter insulting and laughing at Li'l Russell to his face, which was awesome. Li'l Russell is furious but can't do a thing about it. He votes for Rupert instead of Sandra, of course, although in the end, it didn't matter how he voted, as Sandra plays the immunity idol and the two votes against her don't count. The rest are for Rupert, who could have stayed in the game longer if he'd just listened to Sandra.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Night 33. The contestants return to camp. Parvati goes off with Sandra as Rupert interviews that the last Tribal Council was "wonderful" for him and his chances of winning just keep getting better. Yes, they've gone from one in a million to one in 999,999. Except that now that he just said that, he'll be going home tonight. So his chances of winning are actually zero. Parvati talks to Jerri, who tells her that she voted for Danielle because Li'l Russell threatened to vote her out if she didn't do as he said. Which makes me think that Li'l Russell didn't convince people to vote for Danielle at the last moment like Probst and the editing lead us to believe, but that was the plan before Tribal Council even started. "Now we gotta get rid of Rupert and Colby," Jerri says. Idiot. Parvati points out that they could have gotten rid of Rupert already if Jerri hadn't just voted for Danielle. "If those two guys make it to the end, Jerri, they're winning," Parvati says. Jerri nods as if she understands this concept, even though she clearly does not. As Li'l Russell walks up to them, Parvati interviews that Li'l Russell got rid of Danielle because he was jealous of her relationship with Parvati and wanted to make sure that Parvati was closer to him than anyone else. Now she doesn't trust him at all, but says she has to be nice to him so they'll be able to get rid of Rupert and Colby. Li'l Russell tells us that voting out Danielle somehow saved him in the game. I love how he thinks that he's still in this game because of how awesome his playing is and not because everyone wants to take him to the Final 3 because he has no chance of winning. That's how Natalie won last season, and it's how someone who isn't Li'l Russell will win this season. Parvati tells Li'l Russell that the events at Tribal surprised her and she just wants to make sure they're still solid and no one's going to take her out . Li'l Russell interviews that with Parvati so worried about being the to go, he thinks her main alliance was with Danielle after all, and that worries him. But isn't that what he said before the vote? That he was going to get rid of Danielle to scare Parvati into his arms? And now that he's accomplished that (or so he thinks), he's concerned?
The morning, a fly buzzes around Colby's face until it drops out of the sky, bored to death. Li'l Russell, Rupert and Parvati walk up to camp with the latest treemail and scream about it, waking everyone else up. Colby opens a box with a Verizon logo on it to find a phone inside. Everyone knows the loved ones reward challenge must be . Unfortunately, they have to navigate through like 50 different apps on the phone before they can see videos of their loved ones. Colby's brother is up first. What, his mom couldn't make it this time? I'm almost disappointed. Almost. Parvati's dad is , then Sandra's uncle. She's surprised to see him. I'd be, too. I know her husband can't make it out there, but she doesn't have a sibling or a parent who can be there? Or maybe when the producers asked them to come out they all pulled a Sandra and said "no way, go fuck yourself." And oops! There's Li'l Russell's wife! I can't wait to see what she thinks of Parvati. A woman who has to be Jerri's sister is and finally, there's Rupert's wife. He says he can't wait to "maybe touch [his] wife." Oh, no. Please don't. Not like last time.
The contestants arrive at the challenge. Probst grabs the Verizon phone back from them and says that, yes, the loved ones are here and part of today's reward. With that, the loved ones come running out. First up is Parvati's dad, who has the boring name of Mike but named his daughter after a Hindu goddess even though she isn't Hindu and everyone in the Western world will pronounce it as "poverty" forevermore. Mike is kind of -- how shall I put this? -- a little bit too happy to see his daughter. "Oh my God, I love you," he whispers in her ear; "play to win, all right, babe?" I don't think my dad has ever called me "babe." In fact, I know he hasn't, because he's still my dad, and if he ever did call me "babe" I'd have had legal documents drawn up severing our relationship, because that's weird. Jerri's sister, Jennifer (can I call her Jenni? I will) runs out. Until this moment, I had no idea that eyebrows were a genetic trait. Jenni comes to us "all the way from Germany," Probst says. Probst, they all came from far away. Because you know what Samoa's not near? Everything. Jerri and Jenni hug, and it's too much for Sandra, who starts to cry.
And here comes Li'l Russell's wife, Melanie! They hug and say they love each other. Poor Melanie. She has no idea how humiliating this season is probably going to be for her. If she wasn't married to Li'l Russell, I'd feel sorry for her, but you reap what you sow, Mel. Colby's brother, Reid, runs out and there is more crying. I don't think Reid is crying, though. Just Colby. And here comes Rupert's wife, Laura. Rupert makes all sorts of sobbing noises. His wife comments that he's "so skinny." Aw, and it's their 12th anniversary. "Seems like 12 months," Rupert says, whatever that means. Laura says it seems like he's been gone for 12 months. She wishes. There's some close talking and hugging, but no making out. Hooray! And finally, Uncle Fernando! Sandra hugs him and cries and it's weird to see her like that. Even Probst gets choked up, and he doesn't have human emotions. Sandra says her uncle was there for her mother every day until she died. Oh. I guess that's why Sandra's mother isn't there. She's dead. OR IS SHE?!?!?! Maybe Sandra is pulling a Johnny Fairplay on all of us and just pretending her mother is dead to get sympathy and win the reward! Or maybe not, since she's not a sociopath.
Now that the contestants are all emotional wrecks, Probst explains the challenge. It's from Season 13, and is a bucket-filling challenge, except this time the contestants aren't blindfolded. The winner will fly to a "neighboring island" with his loved one where, Probst says, they "will experience the blowholes." LOL. I experience the blowholes every second I watch this show. Especially when Li'l Russell is on camera. Which is, basically, every second of this show. They also get burgers, sodas and a stupid phone to take shitty pictures with. Meanwhile, Melanie is already warming up and stretching her legs. She is a competitor! Probst calls go, and Li'l Russell is the first back with water, which he tosses on his wife. "GREAT CATCH!" Probst says. Oh my god, the Li'l Russell ass-kissery spreads to his family, too? Gross. Parvati's dad totally misses the water she throws at him, because he's probably too busy staring at her boobs or something horrible I don't want to think about anymore. Colby yells at his brother, like it's Reid's fault that Colby sucks at everything. As Uncle Fernando gets, like, three drops of water, Probst says it's "anybody's challenge." Not really. It's between Li'l Russell, and Jerri, from what I can tell. Colby yells at Reid again. Meanwhile, the wives squeeze water out of their hair and shirts. Colby yells at Reid again, and Probst feels sorry for him and hates Colby, so he tells Reid not to worry because "he's been that way for 34 days." Meanwhile, Sandra uses the power of bilingualness to her advantage, telling Uncle Fernando in Spanish to reach over with his bucket when Li'l Russell throws water at Melanie and try to get some of it. He does, but doesn't seem to get much water and feels like a douche about it, laughing nervously. Is he adopted? Surely he can't be related to Sandra by blood. And then he starts cheering for the team on the other side of him, telling Jerri that was a "good shot." Sandra rolls her eyes.
Colby comes up with more water and tells his brother to tell him how he wants him to throw it. Reid's like, "uh ... in the direction of my bucket?" Colby throws it. Reid doesn't get very much water. "COME ON, REID, DAMN IT!" Colby screams. Reid just laughs, happy that there's no chance that he'll win this and be forced to spend time with his unpleasant brother. As the challenge winds down, it's between Rupert, Jerri and Li'l Russell. But then! Jerri gets a nice water toss to Jenni, giving her enough to lower the bucket and raise the flag. Jerri, like, collapses on the beach in shock/happiness/starvation death throes. Sandra celebrates her loss by dumping a bucket of water on Uncle Fernando's head. And oh, gross. Rupert makes out with Laura. Probst calls Jerri and Jenni over, gives them the Verizon phone, and says they can choose one other pair to come with them. Everyone looks at her pleadingly, but Jerri picks Parvati. Interesting choice. And then she asks Probst to bring one more couple. You know Li'l Russell thinks it'll be him, but no! "Sandra!" Jerri says. Li'l Russell mutters to his wife that Jerri is "in trouble now." And, of course, Probst asks Li'l Russell how much it sucks to be so close to winning, only to lose to Jerri and then not be chosen to go on the reward with her. "It's fine... I'm back to the game," he says. He hugs his wife good-bye, saying "she screwed up." "Yeah," Melanie says, not really caring. Way to spend all of your time with the wife you haven't seen in like six months talking about this stupid show. It could be worse, though: Rupert's good-bye with his wife is like 20 minutes of camera-hoggery making out. Probst sends the men away, and Li'l Russell turns to them and says Jerri's reward choices were a "terrible strategic move" and that's why he got rid of Danielle. Yeah, except that Danielle probably would have won that challenge and taken you and your wife on the reward with her.
Blowhole time! A tiny old Samoan man entertains the group by standing, like, over a blowhole and throwing coconuts in it so they shoot high in the air. The contestants and loved ones gingerly make their way towards the blowhole with coconuts and throw them in, too. And then they all take pictures with the camera phone. There's Parvati and her dad looking kind of creepy together. Even the old Samoan guy gets to be in the pictures, but he doesn't smile. I don't blame him. And then they get food. Donuts, too, which makes everyone happy. Jerri whips out the Verizon phone to show the loved ones videos of themselves being awkward. Sandra interviews that her uncle is here because her mother died. She starts crying, then says Fernando is her favorite uncle, which isn't cool. Now all the other uncles will feel bad. Sandra's mother died pretty recently -- a year and a week ago. She wrote "Mom send help from above" on her shirt. She also wrote "1/2 my heart is in Afganistan" on that same shirt about her husband, who also can't be there. She says seeing her uncle is so great that if she goes home , she'll be happy. I won't be, though. Sandra needs to last forever. Like, to the end of this season and then season and the one after that.
And then, of course, the talk turns to strategy. Jerri says she knows Li'l Russell is mad at her. "We got your back," Sandra says. "And honestly, who cares? What can he do?" Parvati says. Sandra says the only move Li'l Russell could make against Jerri would be to mobilize Colby and Rupert against her, which would be insanely stupid because it would lead to a 3-3 tie and the possibility of a Hero making it to the Final Three. That still doesn't mean Li'l Russell wouldn't do it, though. He's gotten so obsessed with making huge moves and showing the world how amazing he is at this game that he's doing stupid things like keeping Rupert and Colby in over Danielle. "You're under my and Sandra's full protection," Parvati promises Jerri.
Back at camp, Li'l Russell is still pouting about Jerri not taking him on the reward. "What was she thinkin'? It don't make any sense," he says. Well, she was probably thinking about how fucking unpleasant it would be to bring Li'l Russell to the reward with her because he's a hateful little troll. She'd rather lose out on a million dollars then be stuck picnicking with him. Rupert says he was shocked that Jerri's first choice was Parvati, because Rupert doesn't understand things like "strategy." Jerri wants and needs to get in as good as possible with Parvati after voting out her ally. Not only does Parvati need to know she can trust Jerri again, but she might also be looking for a new best girlfriend to fill Danielle's spot. So taking her on the reward was a very good move on Jerri's part. Li'l Russell says "it would've made more sense" for Jerri to take a guy with her. Uh, why? The men and women aren't in separate alliances, no matter how much everyone seems to want to believe it. In fact, wasn't Li'l Russell just laughing away a few weeks ago about how stupid the Heroes were to think there was an all-female Villains alliance? Li'l Russell interviews that he totally expected Jerri to bring him on the reward. "Why wouldn't she? I've been taking care of Jerri this entire time," he says. I'm sure he believes that, but the truth as far as I could tell from the show is that Li'l Russell would have been gone before the merge if it wasn't for Jerri. SHE switched to his side and voted out Rob, thereby taking care of Li'l Russell. She also helped him get rid of Danielle. Li'l Russell whines some more to Rupert, saying Jerri can't tell him it was a strategic move to take Sandra and Parvati because "she hasn't played strategically this whole game." Again, not true. Even though Jerri's out of it most of the time by this point, she has still made moves. Not as many as Li'l Russell, but the thing about this game that he doesn't seem to understand is that it's not about quantity; it's about quality. He says Jerri just lost a million dollars and "these girls are a bunch of unappreciative little bitches." I enjoy hearing Li'l Russell refer to someone else as "little." Especially since I'm pretty sure Parvati and Jerri are taller than he is. Sandra might be, as well. Also He Pingping (RIP).
Finally, he says he wants to change his alliance and shakes hands with Rupert, looking him in the eye and saying he will trust him "all the way into the Final Three." Rupert says that sounds fine to him. Colby shakes hands to seal the deal. Hooray, a Final Three Alliance of Hypocrites! "I want you to trust me," Li'l Russell says. "A hundred percent," says Rupert. He interviews, though, that while he wants to believe Li'l Russell, he knows he's a villain. "But he's the best villain I got," he says. And that means that Rupert will be guaranteed to win the million dollars if he goes to the end with him. Colby asks Li'l Russell if he can convince Parvati or Jerri to vote with them. Li'l Russell seems sure he can get Jerri to vote for Parvati. Yeah, Jerri's going to vote Parvati out right after she picked her to go on the reward. I love how Sandra's name hasn't come up once yet. Li'l Russell interviews that he has to start thinking about who he can win the game against, and Parvati isn't one of those people. Uh, Li'l Russell? NO ONE is one of those people. There is no one you can win this against at this point. Possibly Hitler, but he isn't playing this season, so it's a moot point.
On Night 35, the women return. Wait, what? Didn't they leave on Day 34? Either they got home after midnight or they had a sleepover. Rupert greets them with a "YAAAAY," of course. Jerri says she wanted to talk to Li'l Russell when she got back, but he and Colby were already asleep. Everyone goes to bed except for Rupert, who sits in front of the campfire and starts sawing wood. How many times does this happen on this show? Everyone wants to sleep but some weirdo oblivious contestant stomps around making noise all night long. Don't they ever learn? Meanwhile, Rupert is now throwing boulders on top of sticks. "What an ass," Jerri says. "He's just completely clueless," Colby says. And when Colby says you're clueless, you are CLUELESS. Jerri is still astounded by Rupert's rudeness and lack of consideration for others when she interviews about it the day. "I don't know if it's incredible cockiness or just complete stupidity," she says. Pause, then: "I'm leaning more towards stupidity." Ha! I love Jerri again. She makes the most of being unable to sleep by talking to Li'l Russell. She tells him she's worried that he's mad at her. He says he wasn't mad, just disappointed because he couldn't see his wife. Like he gives a shit about Melanie when Parvati's around. Please. He assures Jerri that he still wants to go to the end with her, then interviews that he's "back on board" with her and thus back in control of the game because he "controls" Jerri. Except that, as we just saw when she took everyone on that reward challenge except him, he really doesn't. He says he was worried that Parvarti would try to swing Jerri over onto her side, but Jerri tells him there's no way she'll switch. They go back to bed and Li'l Russell tells us that he won't tell Jerri about voting Parvati out until right before the Tribal Council.
Immunity Challenge! It's another endurance challenge, this time from Season 17, where they have to hold up poles with their hands. Oh man, remember this challenge when it originally happened? And Crystal, the OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST, couldn't stay in it for more than one second? Hee hee hee. 15 seconds in, Colby pulls a Crystal and is done. His brother isn't here to blame for this, though, so he just goes "huh" and sits down. Sandra is out soon after. I don't know how much longer we're into this before Li'l Russell loses his concentration and is out. Just when Probst is talking about how awesome Jerri is doing, her pole slides out, leaving just Parvati and Rupert in the game. Seventeen minutes in, Rupert's hands are shaking. Parvati doesn't look very comfortable either, but still pretty calm. Both of them have a pole on the very edge of the board, but Rupert is the one who ultimately can't hold on. Li'l Russell is pissed. Rupert interviews that Parvati saved herself by winning, so now Sandra will be the one to go.
It's Day 36 when the tribe returns to camp. I guess that reward was, like, two days long after all. Li'l Russell says that with Parvati winning immunity, he doesn't have to choose between voting out her or Rupert. "It's Rupert tonight, for sure," he says to Parvati. She agrees with that, as if this wasn't what she's been saying for like two weeks now. Li'l Russell says he has no choice but to flip back to "the girls." Sandra, meanwhile, talks to Rupert. She says she hates Li'l Russell and wants him gone "so bad." But no one will ally with her to take him out because they all want to take him to the end and beat him. "That's why he's still here," she says as Rupert, like, finger combs his beard. WHY isn't he jumping on this chance to ally with Sandra? Does he really think Li'l Russell is a better choice? IDIOT. And just to prove how very stupid he is, he runs straight to Li'l Russell and says that the girls, specifically Sandra, are targeting him.
In the shelter, Parvati asks Sandra if she said something to Rupert about voting Li'l Russell out, because it looks like that's what Rupert and Li'l Russell are talking about right now. Rupert interviews that his master plan is to convince Li'l Russell that he and Colby are the only people he can trust so he'll keep them around. Li'l Russell walks right over to Sandra and asks her if she's "with [him] or against [him]." "I'm against you, Russell," she says, giving the camera a quick look. AWESOME. Li'l Russell is at a loss for words for a few seconds, as he was expecting Sandra to say she was with him 100% and beg for his forgiveness like everyone else does. Parvati asks what's going on, like she doesn't know. Li'l Russell repeats his stupid "If you're against me, you're going home " mantra, then glares at Sandra, once again expecting her to deny everything and be fearful of his awesome power. Instead, Sandra doesn't care at all. "You ain't going nowhere," she sighs. He says he knows that. "You're telling me I'm going somewhere?" she asks, with an edge to her voice. Li'l Russell backs down, saying he's not threatening anyone, just saying that he is comfortable. Sandra says she is, too. "Why should I not be comfortable?" she asks. Li'l Russell mutters something about the group sticking together (I think -- the sound wasn't very good during this segment) and wanders off. For all the noise he makes about his game strategy in this game being so solid and brilliant, it seems to me that all he knows how to do is bully women, and when that doesn't work, he's at a loss. "He's a lunatic," Parvati says, rolling her eyes. They both laugh at him. Sandra then turns to Rupert and yells "loose lips sink ships." "Yes they do," he says, not getting it. Parvati, meanwhile, is laughing her ass off. Jerri, now sitting to Rupert, is thinking about brownies or something. Emboldened by Sandra, Parvati decides to make her feelings known, too: "Who invited Boston Rob back to the party?" she says. Jerri spins around at this, possibly thinking that Boston Rob is, in fact, back. But Parvati is just making fun of Li'l Russell and his "are you with me or against me" thing. She even does an impression of Rob saying it with his Boston accent.
And thus begins one of the best things I think we've seen this season: Parvati and Sandra team up to make fun of Li'l Russell to his face and in front of everyone left in the game except Colby, who jumped off a cliff or something and is thus nowhere to be found. "What are y'all doing? Are y'all bein' stupid? I mean, are y'all on something? Y'all drinkin' over there? Cause ya bein' dumb," Li'l Russell says. They just laugh at him. It's kind of amazing. This probably isn't the best thing to do in terms of the game, but I don't care. Two people lying in a shelter making fun of the guy who has ruined not one, but two seasons of this show for me is the best ever. Parvati and Sandra are like those old guys in The Muppet Show. Which makes Li'l Russell Beaker, I think? No, wait, Lill from the Pearl Islands season is always and forever Beaker. Maybe he's Miss Piggy? Oooh, how about Pepe the Shrimp King Prawn? [Statler and Waldorf always mocked Fozzie, but I think Li'l Russell is more like Rizzo the Rat. - Zach] "They're being silly," Jerri says, trying to placate Li'l Russell. "Keep playin' around," Li'l Russell says menacingly. They might as well go ahead and do just that, what with both of them having immunity tonight and all. "You're so funny," Parvati says to Sandra. Isn't she, though? Li'l Russell mutters that this just makes his choice that much easier. Jerri, meanwhile, interviews that she has no idea what's going on yet again and "this camp has turned into Crazytown." Oh, does that mean the lead singer/rapper will become a drug addict and have to go on Dr. Drew shows on VH1? She says between Rupert keeping everyone awake last night and Sandra and Parvati now practically daring Li'l Russell to vote them out instead of Rupert, everyone left in the game is insane. Li'l Russell just keeps muttering about how they should vote for Sandra tonight. Rupert, of course, agrees, saying the four of them (way to include Jerri in your plans without even asking her first, Rupert) can get rid of her tonight. Li'l Russell interviews that if you aggravate him, he won't trust you and he'll be "gunning" for you. He'll just get rid of Rupert later. Yeah, that's smart playing. Keep a guy in the game you have no hope of beating at the end because you have a personal problem with Sandra and also no sense of humor. Li'l Russell is quite the master strategist.
Sandra interviews that Parvati told her that even if Li'l Russell is mad at her and wants to vote her out, Jerri and Parvati won't vote against her, so he can't get the numbers. Sandra says this is the last day she can use the idol, but she might not even bring it with her to Tribal Council, because she doesn't think she has anything to worry about. And then she flips Li'l Russell off, because she is just that amazing. It is a disgrace that we've had boring people like Amanda and James on this show for three seasons and Sandra for just two.
Colby shows up in time to walk to Tribal Council with his tribemates. In walk the jurors. Parvati mouths to Danielle that she looks "hot." I love how Parvati, like, makes men and women fall in love with her. I don't think Natalie in Season 16 was a lesbian before she met Parvati. That's how powerful she is. Probst asks Sandra what the fallout was after the last Tribal Council where Danielle was sent home. Sandra says that when Rupert saw how well Danielle and Li'l Russell's fight worked out for him, he tried to pit Li'l Russell and Sandra against each other by telling Li'l Russell that Sandra was gunning for him. She says Li'l Russell then ran up to her asking if she was with her or against her, and then the editors cut out whatever Sandra said after that and just left her saying "so, of course, I was upset." Probst asks Li'l Russell for his side of the story, and Li'l Russell says that when Rupert told him Sandra was trying to get rid of him, he went right to Sandra to see if that was true or if it was just Rupert trying to stir up trouble to save himself. Probst asks if Li'l Russell went to Sandra gently, asking if a rumor he heard could be true, or if he was confrontational as usual. Everyone laughs, and Sandra says he yelled at her and threatened to vote her out . Li'l Russell tries to defend himself, saying he has a right to be paranoid when Sandra has written his name down "twice in two Tribal Councils." As opposed to writing it down twice in one Tribal Council or 50 times in seven Tribal Councils, I guess. Probst says he's sure Sandra told Li'l Russell she was with him. As Parvati smiles and shakes her head, Li'l Russell says that Sandra said she was not with him. "Wow," Probst says, possibly admiring Sandra's balls and wishing he had some of his own so maybe he could stop kissing Li'l Russell's ass all the time. "Was that what I said?" Sandra asks innocently. Parvati decides to replay the scene for everyone and does her impression of Sandra as a film noir femme fatale, complete with a long cigarette, as she says "I'm against you." Courtney appreciates this, but the rest of the jury is too dumb and/or bitter to care. Even Probst has to hold back a few giggles. Li'l Russell manically steamrolls through it all, saying that was the end of their conversation and if Sandra says she's against him, then she is against him. Yes, Li'l Russell. I'm pretty that's what "I'm against you" means.
Probst asks Parvati if it's still Heroes vs. Villains. Parvati says no, since Danielle was a "solid Villain" and she's gone. "There's definitely room for switching it up," she says, but then adds that she can't see why any Villains would ally with a Hero at this point, since no Villain would have a chance to beat a Hero. Probst asks Rupert to make a case for keeping a Hero tonight and voting out a Villain. Rupert says that, in the end, you want to show that you're the "top villain" by turning on your own alliance in order to ensure your place in the Final Three. Uh huh. I always love that argument -- that the jury will respect the person who goes to the end with the strongest/hardest people to beat. That worked really well for Colby in season two. Also, Colby is still in this game and is at Tribal Council, in case you forgot. He's just hard to see, in the group shots, because he's hanging off the end with his head in his hand, possibly asleep. Rupert concludes that "turning on your own" is part of this game, and Parvati's head turns around to look at Li'l Russell. Probst notices that, and Parvati says she's sure Rupert was just talking to Li'l Russell. "You don't think you're the top villain?" Rupert asks. "No, I don't," she says. And therein lies the difference between Parvati and Li'l Russell as well as just one of the reasons why she's so much better at this game than he is: they both think they're the top villain, I'm sure, but Parvati won't say that out loud or rub a tribemate's and especially a juror's face in it, while Li'l Russell can't exist without declaring how much better he is at this than everyone else every five seconds. "I'm a hero on the inside," she says. Probst asks Li'l Russell if Rupert was talking about him. "I don't know who he's talking about," Li'l Russell shrugs. I'm not sure if he's trying to play to the jury at this point or just doesn't know what Rupert is talking about. It's probably the latter, as Li'l Russell clearly has no idea how to play to this or any jury, ever. Rupert says he's talking to "any of the villains that want to sit here and show that they're the top." I love how Rupert's definition of being the best at something is helping Rupert get a million dollars. Jerri and Sandra just smirk, and Probst says it's time to vote.
Sandra votes for Rupert, saying: "I'll write your name again and if I'm up there in the Final Three, you'll still give me the million dollar vote." Awesome. Rupert votes for Sandra, saying "Now I wrote your name down, too." Because that's what this show is about: getting even. Not getting a million dollars. When Li'l Russell walks past Danielle on his way to vote, she fake barfs. Have we ever seen someone the jury hates as much as Li'l Russell before? I mean, besides Li'l Russell last season. I can't remember another time when jurors expressed their hatred for a contestant so openly like this. Too bad for Li'l Russell that this is clear to everyone except him. The jury could hire blimps to circle Tribal Council with a big sign that reads "WE HATE YOU. SO MUCH. THE THOUGHT OF AWARDING YOU A MILLION DOLLARS MAKES US COLLECTIVELY SICK" and Li'l Russell would still expect them to vote for him to win based on his incredible strategic play.
Probst returns with the urn and starts in with his hidden idol speech. He gets to say "if anybody has the hidden immunity idol -- " before he's cut off by Sandra, who stands up, puts her hands on her hips, and says "should I let you finish?" HAHAHA! As much as Li'l Russell loves to make a big show out of playing his many immunity idols, Sandra (and Parvati a few weeks back) have him beat. So stylish! So sassy! "No need," Probst says. Sandra says she wasn't going to play the idol at all, but she has "mixed feelings" tonight and so has decided it's better to be safe than sorry. "I would hate to go home with the idol in my bra," she says as she fishes it out. CLASSY! Meanwhile, all the women on the jury are loving this moment. I don't know why Coach and J.T. are scowling about it. Courtney is practically throwing up gang signs in her delight, while Candice and Danielle are doing gleeful little claps and even dour Amanda beams as Sandra walks by. Rupert and especially Li'l Russell are furious. Jerri and Colby have long since tuned out. Li'l Russell leans in and asks Parvati if she knew about this. "I had no idea!" Parvati giggles. "She's bad," Li'l Russell says. I'm sure he doesn't mean "bad" as in "badass," which would be accurate. He probably means "bad" as in "a bad player because she didn't give the idol to me, and if people don't give me the idol then they are a horrible player. Also, if they do give me the idol, I say they're a bad player and vote them out." Probst declares that the idol is good and reads the votes. There's one for Rupert, and since he knows that he cast his vote for Sandra, he has to know he's a goner. Sandra gets a vote, and looks pleased with herself for playing the idol. Parvati is just grinning away this whole time, enjoying every moment. Rupert gets a second vote. So does Sandra. Rupert starts getting his stuff together to leave. In the end, Sandra's idol didn't even matter, as Rupert is sent packing with four votes. Colby sulks/sleeps in the corner. Probst snuffs Rupert's torch, and Rupert casts one of his silly menacing glares back at the remaining contestants, like it's their fault he sucks at this game. In his good-bye speech, Rupert proves to be completely delusional as he says he thought he "had this one" and despite being voted out, he's still a winner.
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